Starting Over
by Elvirina
Summary: COMPLETE. Bella lost Jacob and her entire world crumbled to its feet. Trying to find some semblance of a life she leaves home. Depressed, she meets Edward, who quickly pulls her from her shell. New feelings blossom between them, but can they have a future
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**This is my first fan fiction EVER and probably my last… only time will tell. All I can say is, I learn a lot over time and I hope you will give my story a chance.**

**Click on my profile and enter my blog where you will find my original stories. I promise those are like nothing you ever read.**

**I hope you enjoy my story as it develops and I will see you on the blog.**

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**Chapter One**

**March**

I woke up. Once again I was brought back to consciousness by the sweat beads rolling off my face and down to soak in the cotton pillow case.

I considered turning on the air conditioning again, but decided not to. I didn't want to get too comfortable, it would only make the pain worse. It was better to be uncomfortable, sweaty and sticky; it made it easier to evade the forbidden thoughts - the ones that hurt and haunt me.

I closed my eyes again as I remembered why I had woken up - the dreams. I sighed heavily. The dreams I wasn't able to control, they came to me, even though I tried my damn best to chase them away. The dreams, those were forbidden, but uncontrollable. I hadn't quite worked out how to keep those away yet.

It wasn't that the forbidden dreams were unpleasant, it was more the opposite. The dreams were nice and warm, comfortable and a safe haven. That was the problem. They drowned me in a place that didn't exist anymore. I wanted to flee. I needed to escape.

I hadn't considered my escape for very long. It was more an impulse decision that I had stuck with. People around me had advised me not to go and they tried to convince me to stay home and piece my life back together. But I knew better - or so I thought. I needed to get away from them and all their worry-filled piercing eyes. People around me were always checking, measuring my mood, evaluating my sanity. I would suffocate if one more person would send me the 'when is she going to crack' look. I knew that glare well, especially from my mother Renée. I had decided I wasn't going to fall to pieces, at least not in front of them.

The only person who had supported my decision was my second heart, Alice. She had smiled an honest smile and answered soberly. "I think that is a good idea, Bella. I think it will do you some good," she had said.

I'd tried to keep the panic from seeping through my skin. I wanted to hide the fact I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing. Somehow, I had even succeeded in hiding it from Alice. There wasn't much in this world I could or wanted to hide from her. But this panic, I had wanted to conceal to ensure my escape.

The plan had been extremely simple. I would basically leave everything behind. The plan didn't take long to put together and even less time to see to an end. That gave me very little time to chicken out.

It all happened like this:

I agreed with my boss I would take a leave of absence from my job as a make-up artist at the small theater. They would hire temporary help in my position. Hopefully there would be a spot for me when I returned home later this year. I chose not to tell Eric, my boss, I wasn't sure if I was coming back at all.

Next step, I sold the house. Luckily for me the market was peaking and buyers were many and overbidding. The house sold in a week and I wanted to get out, the sooner the better. I couldn't stand staying in the place that had once been ours. Selling the property had left me with a spare pile of cash I had not expected.

I chose to rent a small storage area for the items I chose to keep from the house. I did want to keep a few things from my past and I couldn't exactly take them with me. I was definitely not going to leave them with my mother and I didn't want to bother Alice with them either. Even though, I knew if I asked she would find space for them.

Now the last problem… where was I supposed to go? There was nowhere I wanted to go without him! Not without _my Jacob_.

I opened my eyes wondering if I should allow myself to feel the forbidden dream once again. Another sweat bead rolled toward the pillow. I wiped my skin clean, before the drop reached the pillow. I closed my eyes and let the warm images form behind my lids.

**Flash**

_I could see his face; a lock of black hair fell dow__n over his forehead. He frowned as he did a once over of my body, evaluating my shirt. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, with a bowl of cereal in his hand. He was eating his breakfast standing, as always. I always hated that. What was wrong with sitting down and eating at the table? _

"_Sorry babe,__ but that shirt is definitely not doing you any favors." He smiled, while shoving another spoonful into his mouth. His eyes were teasing and playful as he chewed._

"_I know... i__t's yours." I tried to hide my regret with a smile. "Just trying to find the most attractive way to show you the load of laundry I ruined." I muttered, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt._

_He groaned. "Seriously, __again?" He put the bowl on the counter and reached for my hand. He grabbed the ruined t-shirt yanking it over my head. Jacob started kissing my neck, then my mouth and suckled my lip._

I abruptly forced my eyes open again, the memory was too painful. This recollection of our fun times together was too happy to allow memorizing and I was not staying in bed again today. I needed to go outside as I hadn't breathed the scorching fresh air at all yesterday. So continuing this memory would incapacitate me with pain and force me stay in bed.

I straddled off the bed and walked to the bathroom. A cold shower would do me some good. The lukewarm water did help me. My somber mood had improved ever so slightly when I dried off. It cooled my skin and calmed me without making my mind escape to a painful time that once was. The time before my heart was broken.

I ransacked my bag and found what I was looking for. A white cotton singlet and a light green canvas skirt. I loved this skirt because it was comfortable in this blistering heat. I was getting better at choosing my clothes for this place. In the beginning it had been a nightmare. All my clothes had been too heavy and too confiding for this place. I had been hot and sticky and unable to move in my confining clothes. After a week I had given up and had gone shopping.

Through my headless and unplanned running I had basically ended up pointing my finger at random place on a map. It happened to fall on Thailand and I had escaped to a small secluded island as that seemed as good a place as any. I had ended up at the Twong's small family resort as they were the first to offer accommodation trying to pick up guests for their place. It happened on the boat sailing to the island, I didn't care where I ended up, I just needed a bed.

I was more or less on a first name basis with several of the family members that ran this place. At least I think they were a family. It seemed like they did most things together; they all lived here and treated each other as family instead of co-workers. Everyone was treated the same it appeared, that was what I liked about this place - everyone seemed to be equal and happy

It wasn't small resort, but not big either. I guess there were thirty or so huts scattered along the beach, some were more private than others. This wasn't luxurious, but just had all that I needed - privacy. My hut was placed almost at the end of the uneven line of buildings. I called them huts and not bungalows as they weren't big enough to be bungalows, that would require several rooms and was not the case. Mine was a one-roomed hut with a bathroom. The room was simply furnished with a queen size bed and very minimalistic. The entire room was white and tiled, leaving the room surprisingly cool in this heat. The bathroom was small with a shower, toilet and a tiny vanity to stash your personal toiletries in.

I absolutely loved my small hut; it gave me a homey feeling without getting personal. Like I said, everything I needed for my escape.

My stomach started to feel uneasy, but I didn't pay attention to it as I was probably just hungry. I didn't have anything to eat yesterday, I didn't have an appetite.

I stepped out of my hut closing the door behind me. The sun was already high in the sky and the heat intense. I put my flip-flops on and walked onto the scorching sand. I preferred to have my feet bare, but the sand would burn my soles. I started across the beach to the main building. I wanted breakfast, before I got hungrier.

The main building looked like a private home, more than what it really was - a reception desk, a restaurant, a TV room, and everything else needed when running a resort. I loved it; it felt homey even though I was basically homeless at the moment - by choice anyway.

As I walked in the front door leaving my flip-flops outside, my stomach did another somersault, making me feel nauseous. Yeah, surely I needed to get some food down and fast. The old woman, who did all the cooking, greeted me with a toothless smile. "Bella," she chimed with an odd accent distorting my name. That was about all that we could communicate. Her face was painted with a life of hardship, but her eyes shined wisdom. She somehow reminded me of my grandmother.

I walked to the menu sign and pointed to what I wanted for breakfast. This was how I ordered my food here. In the kitchen, bare footed and directly to the cook. The old woman smiled again, not really paying attention where I pointed. She already knew what I would ask for.

The nausea increased and I took a deep breath to settle my stomach, but it did little good. I went back to the dining room headed to my usual spot. I stopped bluntly and I stared surprised as my seat was taken. My chair was normally never taken. Of all the places he could sit, why there? It was practically the worst spot in the entire room.

The man had his head stuck in a book, paying no attention to my presence. His hair was raven black fitting the native population here, probably another family member I hadn't noticed.

The man looked up at me, as I stood there in the middle of the room ogling like an idiot. There was nothing but empty chairs to choose from. He greeted me a halfhearted smile as he returned to his book.

Stunned, I kept staring at the man. My assumption had been completely wrong. He was definitely not Asian and definitely not a family member. His skin was not the russet dark tone as the Twong family's, the people who owned this place. It was pale, fine textured, surely well taken care of. He had clear piercing green eyes that stood in direct contrast to his black hair. It looked rather odd. I blinked to stop my imbecile staring and went to sit at opposite end of the room. I didn't need anyone to take my seat. I knew it was stupid and childish, but I couldn't help feeling like some had taken my favorite doll and wouldn't give it back.

The uneasy feeling in my stomach rolled again and like a freight-train the nausea hit me. I was going to be sick! I shot up from my chair but there was no way I would make it back to my hut. I ran as quickly as I could, but only making it to the door and to my astonishment I got sick right there. I crouched over a flower arrangement in an uneven stone setting and the inside of my stomach ran from my mouth and down into the flowers. The smell hit me and my stomach cramped again. The bile finally stopped running into my mouth and I spit the last of the vile vomit out onto the flower bed.

I was faintly aware someone was standing by my side, trying to gather my hair and keep it from falling into my puke. The old woman from the kitchen came running yelling something in Thai, but I had no idea what. Mr. Twong from the reception materialized from behind the reception desk. "Mr Twong, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't make it back..." The violent sickness rolled again and my stomach heaved and I could taste the vomit in the back of my mouth and the flower setting took another hit.

"Kachiri!" Mr Twong yelled for his wife. She came running from the TV-room. From the apron around her tiny waist and rubber gloves covering her hands, I guessed she was cleaning. Something in Mr. Twong's voice must have set her off, because normally she was so calm. Kachiri left for a moment and reemerged with a yellow plastic bucket in her hand - practical and more appropriate. I took a step backwards, and let myself fall to my knees. Someone handed me a napkin from a table.

"Can someone please get a cold washcloth for her face?" The voice was calm, warm and clearly American, judging from the accent.

"I'm so sorry, I'll clean this up immediately. I'm sorry." I muttered. I was so embarrassed that tears started to develop. I hated the tears, but not for this reason. These were tears of humiliation and not grief. These were different, but they were still tears. I sat staring at the floor for a few moments trying to get a few deep breaths all the way into my lungs. I looked up for the first time. Mr. and Mrs. Twong stood next to each other; their eyes were filled with worry. The toothless old woman slowly and comfortingly padded my shoulder. She definitely had the same touch as my grandmother. I looked into the fourth set of eyes. They were clear, green and deep.

"You can let go of my hair now." I murmured. I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but I was just angrily horrified by my display of sickness.

"Does that mean you're not going for round three?" He countered, his voice showing no sign of disgust. He released my hair and handed me a cold moist cloth.

"I seriously hope not." I couldn't help smiling at his comment. "I get this cleaned up right away Mrs. Twong. I'm sorry I ruined your flowers"

"No, no, no, Ms. Bella, don't you worry. Go back to your bed and I'll take care of this." Kachiri's accent was strange, but her voice motherly and comforting. "Go to bed now. My mother will bring you some tea to make you feel better." Kachiri smiled kindly.

I wiped the cold cloth across my face. It felt good. I felt my head whirl drunkenly. I took a deep breath to conceal my head-rush as I stood up to fast. "Thanks" I murmured and shrugged apologetically walking out of the door leaving the scene of violent sickness behind me.

"Wait." The odd green eyed man called. "You might wanna take this... just in case." He smiled and held out the yellow plastic bucket. I cringed.

I got back to my room and this time I turned on the air condition. I hoped the cool air would make me feel better; at least numb the nausea a little. It wasn't long until there was a knock on the door. The person didn't wait for an answer but just walked in. The old woman, who apparently was Kachiri's mother, came in holding a tray with tea and some dry bread slices. She placed the tray on the top of the dresser. I was sitting on the edge of my undone bed with my head in my hands. I had the yellow bucket placed conveniently close... just in case. The old woman looked at me and then with her hands gestured for me to go sit on a chair by the table. I obliged groggily.

She started arranging my bed, shaking pillows, airing out the sheets. Then she put the tray with tea, bread and fresh washcloths next to my bed. She then pointed to me to go lie down and drink some tea. Again, I was complaisant as ever and did as I was told. The bed felt nice and cool. It was soothing.

I must have fallen asleep after I had finished the tea; but suddenly I was wide awake again as I located what had woken me. There was no doubt; I was going to be sick again. I yanked the yellow bucket closer and vomited into it. My stomach churned and I rolled to my side. This was the worst stomachache I had ever had. I pulled my legs up into fetal position. It was the most comfortable - if you could even call it that.

I searched for the washcloth to wipe my face, but my tray was gone and replaced with several new and clean cloths, a bottle of water and some toast. Someone had been in my room. I took a cool cloth and wiped my face. It was surprisingly nice to clean ones face after puking your guts out.

I stood up taking the bucket to the bathroom to get rid of the evidence. Halfway there I started to sprint - this time I actually made it to the bathroom.

The hours past and I wasn't getting any better. The violent sickness continued and the Twong's were getting increasingly worried. They checked on me frequently, even though it made me feel even more uncomfortable. I felt my condition required privacy, or at least a person you knew and trusted, surely not a complete stranger.

I got worse. Mrs Aiko decided to sit with me for the night, just in case I didn't start to improve. It did get worse, mainly because I had nothing left to project and my body just continued to convulse. I slept on and off, in between trips to the bathroom. I could feel my strength seeping from my body and I got weaker. This was a different weakness than I was used to. I couldn't help this one; it had power over me, the stomach flu taking absolute control of my body. The weakness I was used to, I had power over. I could see that clearly now, that sluggishness I could get over if I wanted to. I decided here and now, I would start trying to get over losing Jacob.

It took two days for the stomach-flu to leave my body. The Twong's called a doctor at midday of the second day. The doctor gave me something to settle my insides. It helped, but I still wasn't sure I was completely vomit-proof. I didn't want to risk eating anything; I would give my body a little more time to recover. So I settled for having a cup of tea every few hours.

Day three. I ventured outside of my hut and I was lounging in my hammock. It was evening, a little cooler than normally. I lay relaxing, absorbed in my private thoughts. I had slept most of the day as I guessed my body needed it. I was still extremely embarrassed. I tried to put it off with, _'it could happen to anybody'_, but the chagrin still sat heavily in my mind.

I considered my decision again, that I would try to get better. It seemed this series of pyrotechnic displays had one good effect. It made me realize things could get a lot worse if I continued this path of mourning that was only spiraling downwards. It was so cliché, and I hated clichés, but on some level I knew I couldn't keep adding fuel to my fire of grief. I had to stop this and find a way to fix myself. Ignoring everything I had had, everything I had lived for and lived with for the past eight years, had done me very little good so far. I needed to come up with a solution how to fix it. I just didn't have the faintest idea where to start. I knew I was an utter mess.

I didn't hear the man coming, but secretly hoped he would leave me alone so didn't need to face him again. It wasn't particular flattering to be so violently sick in public. I felt like I was hung out for display like dirty laundry.

"You look better." He smiled, but it was laced with concerned.

I tilted my head to confirm my worst fears. Yes indeed, this was the green-eyed man who had held my hair.

"Yes. Thank you." I retorted politely.

"Looked like the flu hit you pretty hard, I almost panicked thinking I'd caught it to." He smiled softly, but still looked concerned. "Don't think you would've held my hair." His expression turned amused and he chuckled.

"Thank you for your help... but it really wasn't necessary, I had it under control." The chagrin changed the color in my cheeks and I flushed deeply. I was so humiliated.

"I'm sorry hun... but you had nothing under control." He smirked as if he tried to choke back a grin. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude... please forgive me." His striking and deep green eyes went back to worrying. I studied his face for a brief moment taking aback by the perfection of his features. His unnatural black hair was in complete, but charming disarray. His jaw was chiseled and strong, covered in by a rugged layer of facial hairs. But all together there was something mesmerizing about his face.

"It's fine, don't worry about it, I just wished a stranger hadn't held my hair." I muttered.

It was quiet for a moment and I was painfully aware he was still watching my face. "It's okay. I've seen worse." He shrugged. I stared at him, what did _that_ mean? I sat up in the hammock. I wanted to ask what he meant, but he cut me off before I could. "You feel better soon, okay." He said sympathetically, and then he left.

He was fairly tall, taller than I had expected. The line across his shoulders was almost straight and broad. His frame hinted an athlete, perhaps a swimmer. Thinking about those green eyes, I thought there was something familiar about his face. I racked my brain trying to remember who it was he resembled. Visually, I followed him walk further down the beach. He stopped at the last hut and settled in the hammock. Just two huts down from mine and halfway hidden behind a palm-tree. Shortly after I gave up contemplating where I had seen him and lay back in my hammock and relaxed. I stole a glance in his direction once in a while, watching him watching me.

This place would be a paradise to everyone else, but to me it was turning into a personal hell. It was a mistake to come here. The eerie thoughts started creep back into my mind as night fell. I had promised myself I would start to get better. I would try to do that because I couldn't let this go on or I would lose myself in eternal darkness. My depression was eating me whole.

I lay stiffly on my bed. I had thought of a solution I would use to fix me. All the memories I had been blocking from my mind, I would try to face them dead on. I would remember them, accept them, and file them into boxes in my head. They would be in order and I would accept they were memories and there would no more of _my Jacob_. This was my plan.

Surely as the coward I was, I found every tangible excuse to do something else to keep my head busy. It felt masochistic to start this project as I wasn't even sure it would work. Maybe it would just make everything worse to remember him?

I took a deep breath. I started searching through memories; I found one - this was where I would start.

**Flash**

_I was 16 years old. I was an outsider. I had moved with my mom back New York where she was born. My father Charlie was a cop, and at the age of five we had moved to Forks. I had felt at home there and was sad when I had to move back to New York, but my mother had insisted. My parents had drifted apart, not that they ever had anything in common to begin with, and gotten a divorce. My mother had vetoed, if she was spending a lot of time alone, then she would prefer to do it in a place she felt at home. That was it and we had moved. She never did feel at home in Forks, it would never be her home - not that she even tried._

_I had started at a small private high school in NY. It wasn't easy starting over at sixteen. I was awkward and I didn't fit in. I didn't look like any of the other kids, I was too ordinary. There was nothing noticeable about my dull brown eyes or my chestnut brown hair, thick and straight. Also my skin was fairer than most of the other girls, the texture finer somehow, making me almost see-through. _

I fast forward through the memory; sorting through people I had once known and lost contact with. Most of them by choice, anyway.

_He hadn't seemed shy and was very direct the first time he had spoken to me. I had been at my new school for approximately a month and a half. I was alone and I had no friends._

"_You're Isabella, right?" He looked straight at me._

"_Bella." I mumbled. I had noticed him around the halls of the school. I searched my head for more things to say, but I came up empty. I wasn't used to socializing with any of the kids at my school._

"_You're the silent type, aren't you?" He smiled widely, a huge grin with start__ling white teeth compared to his dark russet skin._

"_Not really." I answered quietly. In Forks I hadn't been silent, but I was never one for grand gestures or causing a racket either, I had just blended in._

"_I think you are. Prove me wrong someday. By the way, I'm Jacob." He grinned boyishly before his friends had caught up with him and he had left. One of his friends gave me the evil eye over his shoulder. I knew why, he was the only person I had been in contact with here and that had been a huge mistake I had cried myself to sleep over it. I promised never to tell anyone what happened._

_Jacob was hanging with what you would call the popular crowd. I was the opposite, I hung out with myself. His friends didn't seem to like me much, but to be honest the feeling was more or less mutual - I didn't like them much either. _

_I was in the library late one afternoon. I was trying to finish a paper I'd forgotten to do, or had chosen not to do considering how you looked at it. My teacher had given me another chance to get a grade and not have an F on my report card._

"_So when are you going to prove to me you're not the silent type?" His broad mouth stretched into a smile._

_I made an embarrassing squealing noise as I was startled by his sudden presence. I hadn't heard him coming. "I don't know." I murmured. _

"_Not today either, I guess." Jacob frowned and made a face, then left the room before I had the chance to pointedly counter his remark._

_Why was I so unable to speak when spoken to? I wasn't shy. Words just escaped me when I needed them. I had no problem speaking up in class, it just around people a__nd kids at my school, I felt alien to them. I wasn't the person with the quick comeback or the answer for everything. I guess I would have to settle for being the silent type._

_I saw him outside sitting at the back piece of a bench reading, when I left the library. I stalked toward him on my way to the subway. "I didn't take you for a reader." I huffed nonchalantly as I passed him. _

_Jacob walked me home that afternoon. After that, we were together most of the time. In the beginning it has caused a lot of gawking in the halls and a lot of talking behind backs. Jacob wasn't Mr. Popular, but surely wasn't unpopular either. His friends had tolerated me, and I them. Jacob defended me when his friends didn't approve of his choices, but eventually they had accepted me. From then on it was just Bella and Jacob – Jacob and Bella._

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**I hope you liked my first chapter… and I am working on the next one. Tell me what you think.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**This is a much shorter chapter than the first one, but I still hope you will like it.**

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Chapter two

I took a deep breath. Good, I had that memory settled. I filed it mentally and stuffed it in the 'happy memories' box. That was one down, only a gazillion to go. There was no way I was making my way through them all. Would I ever heal? Again my paralyzing self-doubt stepped in.

I stopped my work for a moment. Mentally I was already exhausted, I had done one memory and I wanted to quit and flee with my tail between my legs. I wanted to go back to my world of rules and restraints to protect myself from all of this pain. So cowardly, that was what I did.

I woke with a wheezy gasp because I was dreaming again. I was mentally screaming s_top, stop, stop__!_ It was the worst when I was dreaming as it all seemed more real, like he was really here. I could almost see him, smell him, even touch his warm skin. I decided to continue my self-destructive healing process and started where I had forced the dream to stop. I pulled in a deep breath to settle my panicked mind.

**Flash**

_Jacob had come home looking like a wounded dog that had lost his chew toy. I could tell something was wrong and I considered briefly if I should ask what was bothering him. A strange tension was lingering in the air and Jacob beat me to the punch. "I heard this rumor about you today." He mumbled while his eyes were glued to the floor, he almost looked embarrassed._

"_What rumor?" I asked clueless and somewhat disinterested. It wasn't the first time the gossip revolved around me and I didn't care._

"_Mike was being a jerk in gym today and he said some stuff about you... he didn't know I was in the room." Jacob said, still ey__eing the floor with that vacant hurt stare._

_When Jacob mentioned his friend's name, I froze. The only lie, not that __I__ considered it a lie, I had ever told Jacob was a big one. He lifted his head and peered straight into my frozen eyes. He could read me well and I just chewed my lip furiously._

"_It's true?" He shouted in horror. "What the fuck is thi__s? Bella, how could you? You fucking lied to me!" His hand hit the kitchen counter with a loud bang. I jumped and yelped, still staring at him with my frozen eyes. My throat closed around the words I wanted to speak. There was no way out. "Please, Bella, tell me it isn't true... tell me I didn't beat the crap out of Mike for telling the truth? Please, Bella... this was ours, just ours." His voice turned pleading and regretful._

"_I can't." I whispered feebly. I wanted to cry, I wanted to show him how sorry I was, but the moisture in my eyes was strangely far away. He pushed two fingers against each of his temples and when he closed his eyes I noticed tears forming. __He__ was crying? I used to be the one to cry. This was a much bigger deal to him than it ever was to me. I knew this and that was the main reason that I had lied, or at least I hadn't corrected him when he assumed I had not slept with anyone when we started dating – that I was a virgin._

"_You told... you said I was the only one!" The tenor in his voice was rising again and his anger was boiling over._

_I just stood there, motionless, as I pondered if now was the right time to explain the whole thing. A few more words escaped my dry throat. "I'm __sorry, I'm so sorry." I mumbled shakily._

"_Sorry is not going to fix this." He yelled furiously. I was watching the tears rolling from the corner of his eyes. It looked so odd and beautiful at the same time. Was I enjoying his pain? No! No definitely not. Pleasure was not the feeling in the pit of my stomach - __it was regret. Regret for what I had done, regret for not correcting his assumption, regret for having Jacob find out this way, regret for hurting him this deeply. I had never wanted to hurt my Jacob._

"_I know... but I__'m__ sorry. I'm sorry for the whole thing." I emphasized. "I wish I could take..." He cut me off harshly._

"_I don't wanna fucking hear it!" He snarled, his voice was beaten and tired. "Just... shut u__p!" His eyes were hard, betrayed as he had left the room._

_I sat down at the kitchen table at my mother's house. Hours passed, but I wasn't sure how many. I was trying to figure out a way mend the situation, but I had no clue how._

"_Why did you do i__t? I mean, why didn't you tell me?" His voice was calm again, he re-entered the kitchen. It was dark and silent now, just the methodical ticking of the wall clock._

_I went for the absolute truth, seeing it as my only option to rectify the situation. "I regretted that I did it... basically __before__ I had sex with Mike. I'm not sure why I did it at all. It was three weeks after I'd moved here and three weeks before we started going out. I felt so empty and I missed my friends in Forks. One afternoon he asked if I could help him find some obscure book in the library. It felt nice that someone thought I could help... and that's when it happened." I bit my lip, I was unsure of how much more information to give, how much he wanted to know._

"_You did it at school?" He mumbled flabbergasted and his eyes widened with shock._

"_Yes__," I muttered as my cheeks heated with regret._

"_Wow... no wondering he was bragging." It sounded like a joke, but his cold face told me it was far from it._

"_How much do you wanna know? I will give you as much or as little info as you want." I offered quietly._

"_I'm not sure." He sent me a halfhearted smile that didn't reach his eyes. "How much do you wanna tell? I'm not sure it is healthy to have too many details."_

"_Consider it my apology for not correcting you when you assumed..." I was bluntly cut off again another round of rage surfacing._

"_Are you fucking kidding me!" His voice was painted red with fury. "I didn't assume a goddamn thing__! You told me you never had sex before. __You __lied!" He growled at me. The words were laced with accusations._

"_No." I countered, but my voice was small and unsure. "You assumed we were each other's first. I never let you believe otherwise, so if that is lying... then, yes, I lied. But I never said 'I didn't have sex.'"_

"_You're splitting hairs, Bella. Just tell me why you never said anything." I could taste the strain in his voice as he tried to keep calm and composed._

_Breath__, I chanted hoping not to panic. "It seemed so important to you that I was a virgin. I wasn't gonna burst you bubble and tell you your friend had already taken care of it. It just seemed like a bigger deal to you than it was to me. I already regretted I'd done it with Mike, but I couldn't take it back. So I basically pretended that it hadn't happened at all. So basically to me, you __were__ my first, because I love you. I was in love with you and I was ready to make love to you and I wanted to. That's what matters to me, not a stupid mistake I made in some desperate state." I stopped talking wondering that perhaps that was too much information._

_He was quiet for a while. "Thanks. That sounds like the truth." He mumbled and fortunately he was calmer again_

"_It is. But I__'m__truly__ sorry for not being honest with you."_

"_I'm glad you're sorry. I'm sorry too." He said sadly, but there was warmth in his voice again. He walked around the table and picked me up to hug me. I buried my face in his chest. I started sobbing, letting my tears soak into his shirt._

"_Don't cry, Bells. We can fix thi__s. This doesn't have to matter between us." His voice had changed gritty. He started kissing my neck and his hands pushed up my t-shirt at the small of my back. There was a strange force behind his actions. His breath was already heavy against my skin and I could feel his erection pressed against my stomach. I clung to him feeling the need rise inside of my body. His mouth was eager and warm when it found mine. I muted my groan, as I melted into him. It was like he was out to prove something, like he needed to show me I belonged to him. We were equally desperate when we intensely made love that night._

_We were eighteen at the time and we had been going out for 2 years._

I wished I had turned off the air conditioning on so the uncomfortable melting heat would distract me from my agony. I was debating which box to put this memory into. Bad or good box? This memory had conflicting feelings. Just like me, always conflicting, never trusting my own decision. I wish I could let go of my paralyzing self-doubt and stop second guessing myself all the time.

I parted the memory and shoved a little of everything in the 'happy memory' box and started an 'unhappy memory' box.

It was early in the afternoon and the heat was scorching. I decided I was strong enough to take a walk down the beach. It had taken me several days to regain enough strength since my stomach-flu to actually do something active today.

I had taken my shoes off and walked where the water met the sand. Right here, the sand wasn't too hot to touch with your bare feet. It felt good to move my body again after lying still for so many days, both from the flu and the excruciating roller-coaster of acknowledging my memories of Jacob. My mental boxes were starting to fill and it was getting easier to deal with all my memories I had to admit - it was helping. My mind seemed less crowded and had more room to appreciate my surroundings. I just realized I was staying at a beautiful beach resort, that had passed me by completely unnoticed. It was like a cloudy mist had dispersed from my eyes and I was able to see again.

As I walked, I enjoyed the sun, the heat and the way the water licked my feet with every lab of the small waves. I was almost around the peninsula, a few dramatic limestone cliffs that made out the cove of the Twong's resort. On the other side there was nothing but a deserted beach and a very small resort with a few primitive huts that seemed to have been abandoned for quite some time now. The huts were tattered and weather beaten, roofs caved in and floors sanded over. The main building had been taken over by a pack of stray dogs, leaving havoc with their playful fights. They lived in what seemed to be respectful harmony with each other and the tourists that made as far as this side.

I put my shoes back on, leaving the zone where the sand was cool from the water and stepped onto the burning beach. I had been here a few times before the flu had incapacitated me. I was here for a different reason now. Earlier, I went here to be absolutely alone, to escape even the few other guests at the resort. Now I really wanted to see the place, with my clearer eyes. And it was breathtaking. The beach was stunning, the sand pure white and even. The water was mainly still and a picturesque blue against the slight curve of the waterfront. The deserted resort gave this a place a mystical grace that made you wonder why anyone would ever leave this place. If I had seen it in one of those traveling catalogues I would definitely thought it had been photo shopped.

I sat down on the step leading up to the porch. I let my body slump forward and I rested my head on my knees. I sucked in a big breath as I was mentally preparing for the two memories I had purposely been avoiding. I didn't know when I would be strong enough to handle going them and filing them - if I ever would be strong enough for that.

I felt the panic seep from my mind as I was debating which one to start with. If the panic started even before I had visualized what happened, I was in big trouble. So I went with the easiest one - the wedding.

**Flash**

"_I don't want to make a big fuss about the whole thing." I groaned._

"_Sweetheart... this is a big fuss and it should be a big deal." Jacob had continued to push for a big lavish wedding._

"_But Jacob, I just don't understand why we should spend that day with a bunch of people I hardly remember. They're just coming to stare__… and maybe for the free food also." I countered._

"_You can't really mean that, Bells. That's not fair." He admonished amused by my lack of enthusiasm._

_I groaned. "That's just how I feel. Why can we cut the guest-list in half or we could elope? Now there's an idea." I cocked a brow at him, flashing my most innocent smile._

"_Stop that. I also have a say in this. We're not eloping__! I want our family and friends to be a part of this." His voice was firm and set and his lips rigid. I didn't see much chance in winning this argument. So I caved._

The wedding had been everything I never wanted. I started kicking the sand as I actually still regretted I hadn't pushed harder for a shorter guest list. The day hadn't exactly been my dream of a wedding; not that eloping would have been either.

I moved uneasily on the wooden seat trying to get more comfortable as my butt was going numb. Getting up, I noticed something under the porch. I dropped to my knees in the burning sand and reached in under the steps and pulled out a book. I sat down again and dusted it free of the fine grains and flipped the book open. It was leather bound and looked used, but still fairly new, like someone loved it and read it a lot. On the first page, sketched in block letters was a name: Edward Anthony Cullen. The sketching was finished with skilled three dimensional shadings. Several sketches decorated the page, all artistically performed to perfection. I realized this wasn't a book - this was a journal.

I flipped to the next page. There was a full size sketch of an innocent looking girl, with large eyes. It looked a little 'dear in the headlights' to me. But the girl in the picture was pretty. The opposite side was completely filled with writing from top to bottom. I chose not to read it as it was probably private.

As I went over the pages I started to feel horribly invasive, like I was trotting all over someone's privacy. All this stuff was surely not for me to read, I had no right to. The pages contained all sort of things; sketches, letters, clip-outs, pictures, articles, names, poems and photos. This truly was somebody's private collection of thoughts. I debated if I should leave it where I found it or if I should hand it over at the Twong's reception desk. Maybe they would recognize the name on the front page. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't someone from the Twong's resort that was the artist. The owner would probably never look for it there. Yet again, would anyone look for it here? How long had it been here? This was the kind of thing that should be returned to its rightful owner.

A breeze caught a few pages and flipped them over. I almost fell off the step as I gawked at the new full sized sketch. It was of a woman, crouched over a flower bed, a man at her side, holding a fistful of hair.

I groaned loudly. This just sucked! I was the woman in the sketch and I knew exactly who this belonged to. It could only be one person. It was the stranger with the overtly black hair and the deep green eyes. My eyes continued to the page beside the sketch. I sporadically read a few words that jumped off the page. 'The saddest eyes I have ever seen!', 'Even lonelier than I', 'Lost all the way into her bones'. 'Secrets.' _What was this?_ Was this some kind of sick joke? Was he spying on me? How could he know all this? It felt like he was seeing right through me. How was that possible?

ooooOOOOoooo

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**I hope you will enjoy getting to know Edward a little better. The relationship between Bella and Edward will develop. I hope you enjoy it. **

ooooOOOOoooo

Chapter Three

"That's actually private." A man's voice muttered.

I chocked a scream, but it came out like a pathetic squeal anyway. A shiver ran over my skin and I was no longer alone. "I wasn't reading it." I rushed. I knew exactly who the voice belonged to before I even looked up. "I would never..." I trailed off.

"Uh huh... yeah sure." He murmured defensively. Who wouldn't be humiliated, having their dirty little secrets flaunted like this?

"No, really, I didn't. I wasn't reading it. It seemed too private." The words tripped over each other coming from my mouth. Now _I_ was defending myself.

"Okay whatever." He drawled embarrassed. I was the one who should be embarrassed, caught dead reading someone's personal journal. "Guess my cat's out of the bag... I'm Edward Cullen." He held out his hand. I simply stared at him like an imbecile. _Was he serious?_ Here I was going through his personal stuff, and he was being, well...nice? I would be pissed if I caught a stranger with his or her hand roaming through my stuff.

"I'm sorry" I croaked.

"You're name's _I'm Sorry?_ It's generally considered polite to introduce yourselves when someone says hello." He smirked, like he was expecting my idiocy.

"Uh no... my name's Bella. Bella... Dwyer" I hesitated. The last part got stuck in my throat as I hated using my last name ever since Jacob. I was in bad shape as I couldn't even say my name anymore. I huffed and here I thought I was getting better. Isabella Marie Black - seriously how hard was that? Extremely hard if I had to be honest with myself.

"Is there more... or is it Bella Dwyer?"

I gazed up at his face and shook his hand. He had definitely heard my reluctance as I said my name. "It's Bella Dwyer." I said as his fingers coil strangely familiar and warm around mine. It didn't flinch from his grasp.

I saw his eyes flash to his journal placed in my lap and the page that I was on. He looked morose. "Can I have it back or were you planning on keeping it?" He muttered and averted his eyes to the sand at his feet. I glanced down at the pages and suddenly understood his expression. He knew I had seen the pages imaging and replaying my up-chuck reflexes. I slammed the book shut with a loud thud and almost threw it back at him like it was poisonous. The action came out with a crueler edge than I intended.

"Are you mad?" He asked directly.

I sighed. "I wish I could say that you just have a vivid imagination. But I guess we both know that's not true." I tried to smile, but it only amounted to a strange and awkward twitch of my lips.

"Bella Dwyer, you have nothing to be embarrassed about." He said charitably.

"The sketches are really nice, you're quite the artist." I added, desperately wanting to move the conversation away from me and the fact he had seen me at that most fragile state.

"I thought you didn't read it." He pointed out and smirked at me. He was literally calling me out and I blushed furiously for the first time in what seemed like forever. I dared a glance at him and with my new clear eyes I really saw his features - angular and flawless, like an artist had spent time sculpting the perfect lines to complement each other.

"I didn't. I just looked at the sketches." I excused. _Almost looking_, I amended in my head.

"Well, it's just something I do to make the time pass. I often have a lot of spare time." He shrugged and smiled a charming lopsided grin. My mind flickered thought memories seeing his charismatic chuckle. I recognized him from somewhere, I was sure of it now, I just couldn't place him.

"Don't we all." I agreed somberly.

"You wanna walk back with me? Or were you planning on staying longer?" His voice was engaging and friendly. Perhaps it would be nice to have someone to talk to, someone that didn't know every little insignificant detail about you. More importantly, someone that didn't gawk at you with that pitiful stare and waited for the meltdown they expected was coming.

"I _was _gonna stay. I like this place." I shrugged and wondered if I was giving away too many details.

"Yeah, me too. This place seems like it's frozen in time. It's interesting." His eyes trailed over my face. "You seem to be more at ease here?"

I stared at him wide eyed with my mouth hanging open. What? How did he know? "I am." I responded after a moment. It was slightly uncomfortable to have him see through me like this, so I pondered whether I should tell him I wanted to be alone, which wasn't really the truth at all. Unexpected words suddenly rolled from my tongue. "I like the quiet atmosphere... it's refreshing and I feel I can breathe more easily." I bit my lip to stop the words from coming. That was just way too much information for a stranger.

"That makes sense." He agreed quietly.

"It does?" I stared at him rudely again.

"Here, there's no one watching, you can be utterly alone without having to put up a front." He stopped talking for a moment gazing at me. "You know... the façade." His lifted his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. Again I felt like I was completely missing the point by just about a mile. There seemed to be more to his words, than just understanding mine.

I chuckled unexpectedly and I listened to my own cheerful sound puzzled. It was a relief to have someone in the turmoil of my mind, besides Alice, who was the only one who had a bit of understanding for how I felt. But the man across from me seemed to understand more, like he was inside of my head.

"So did you want go or do you mind if I sit here with you?" He peered directly into my eyes with that penetrating green stare. Something stirred inside of me. It had been a long time since I had had any kind of bodily reaction other than primitive responses like hunger, fatigue, or a muscle ache. I forgot to answer. "I guess I'm intruding, I'll leave now." He clutched his hands around his journal and turned his back.

Suddenly, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted his company for a little while longer; I didn't want to be alone right now. Perhaps it would keep my mind busy on something else rather than my mental boxes. That would be a nice for a change. "You can stay." I blurted as he was already a few steps away. "I don't mind." I rose from the wooden step and brushed my behind free of sand.

"Are you sure? You don't seem like you want the company." A strange insecurity tainted his voice.

"On the contrary, I think it'll be nice." I looked up at the sun and squinted. Where was this coming from? All I had felt for the past year was nothing but pain and an uneasy panic roaring through my flesh. Now I could literally feel a tiny sphere of calm in the pit of my chaos. Was I actually getting better?

I moved my hand and placed it over my eyes to block out the sun. I was completely mesmerized by his grace, but his hair color still looked odd though. "What?" He questioned and frowned.

"Nothing." I avoided. "Please stay."

We sat down next to each other. It was a little overwhelming to be so close to a stranger and be this comfortable. It was pleasant, like being with an old friend. "Can I ask you something? It's a little private." He said and turned to look at me.

"Maybe." I retorted defensively. I was afraid his question would make me spill my guts as I had a feeling he had that effect on people.

"The first day, before your ... er... incident. What were you thinking? You kinda stared at me. I'm not trying to be rude here." He looked honestly curious.

"Oh... I'm not sure I wanna answer that." I swallowed dryly.

"I think we're past the embarrassing stuff... with my ridiculous book and your aversion to flowers." He laughed quietly.

"Point well made." I hesitated. "It's just that it's so childish, but I was annoyed you had taken my seat. I usually sit there when I eat." I murmured.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Really... that's it? Oh." He laughed again, louder this time.

"Oh what?" I practically spat, annoyed by his obvious amusement with me.

"Oh nothing." He drawled and smirked. I couldn't help feeling I had answered a different question than he had asked. Or that my answer surprised him, but was definitely something underneath it all.

"Can I ask you something? I think it might be private." I echoed his question.

"Maybe." He mirrored my answer and laughed quietly again. He had one of those laughs that were simply contagious and carefree. I couldn't help myself from chuckling along with him and our stupid little game. I bit back my grin in utter shock. I had actually laughed. Being so at ease I could laugh made my eyes almost glass over.

I saw him watching me. He had stopped laughing the moment he saw my confusion. I forced my mind to pick up where it had left of. "You seem to be very at ease with people who... have aversions to flower settings." I spoke slowly using his words again. I was trying to be funny, even though I wasn't the type. By the look in his eyes, I regretted my poor attempt at humor.

"Do I?" He said evenly, though I knew it wasn't a question. He grimaced. "Yes, I guess I have." He reached down and grabbed a handful of sand. He let it sift through his fingers before grabbing another one. I had seen this face before; it looked a lot like the person I saw when I looked in the mirror - endlessly sad.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Please just ignore my question." I wanted to take my words back. I didn't know what else to say.

"No. It's okay. It's my sister, she was sick a lot. So I kinda got used to it." He glanced at me, his eyes piercing through mine. This was something that pained him deeply - that was easy to tell.

"Can I ask what happened?" I said quietly. I felt unsure going into to this minefield as he was a stranger after all and I didn't want to pry.

"Yes you can. Sometimes it's good for me to talk about her. I like to." The pain was crawling across his face. "It hurts though, but it makes me remember her better. I guess it's a little masochistic, but I want to remember her the best way I can." His honesty was overwhelming and I wasn't sure I wanted to know this much. I felt scared that his pain would start clawing its way into mine. And I definitely did not need any more agony right now. I was just trying to get a small hold on my own. "I loved her very much. Sometimes it felt like she was my other half... people often mistook us for twins." He smiled sadly while his eyes focused on something far away. "In some ways we were twins. She was my little sister, but only 13 months younger than me so we grew up together. She was really sweet and we liked the same things, had the same friends. She liked to sketch just like I do." He paused and flipped open the journal and searched through the pages. He pointed to a smaller sketch that was done on different paper, cut out and glued to the journals page. The sketch was of three puppies, with their heads tilted and an _'I don't have a clue who chewed the toilet paper look'_. The sketch was done in gray tones, but still extremely detailed. My eyes moved to the sketch above. It was the same motive, but not the same artist I could tell.

"She had the same talent?" I asked and looking at his face.

"Yes. I think she was much better though. I think she was better at everything, but I'm sure I'm too bias to make that call." He smiled and his eyes lit up beautifully from the memories.

"So what happened to her?" I was curious about the person who could make him have so many expressions.

"She died... obviously. She was seventeen and much too young. She got sick a while before, but we never really found out what was wrong with her. She started to lose energy. She was tired all the time and slept a lot. Then the vomiting started. She was unable to keep anything down, so she lost a lot of weight. People were convinced that she had an eating disorder, but I knew that wasn't true. I knew her as well as I know myself. She just kept getting weaker and weaker. Doctors and my father tested her for god knows what and came up with nothing. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. One night it was really bad and she started vomiting blood. My dad was a doctor and didn't wanna wait for the ambulance, so he and my mom rushed her to the hospital. That was the night they all died. He ran a red light; probably overlooking it and a truck totaled their car. They didn't feel a thing the doctors told me." His eyes focused on that place far away again and so endlessly sad.

"That's so sad. I'm very sorry for your loss." I chocked past the lump in my throat. I didn't know what else to say. Stupid really, as I had been through a year of people staring at me, not knowing what to say and here I was now, not having a goddamn clue what words to offer him. I should know what to say, but I just didn't.

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing to say. They died. That's it." He shifted his gaze, so calm and clear, settled and understanding. Again, it felt like he was seeing right through me and I felt like he was picking my emotions out of my head.

He started turning pages in his book again, looking for something. I glanced down to a letter size photo of a girl, her face a little round and child-like, hair parted at the side and streams of light brown, almost reddish, tresses waving down one side of her face. Her ears were sticking out a little too much for it to be pretty. Her mouth was petite, but the lips were full. I stopped at the eyes. They were a true copy of his, big, green and deep. I looked up at his face.

"I know." Was all he said before I could open my mouth.

I turned to the page again and I stared at the next image. There was a sketch of the photo, but this one was different. Her eyes were brighter, lips pulled to the sides in a quirky uneven grin. The face was happier and warmer. Edward tapped his finger at the sketch. "This is how I like to remember her. The picture doesn't show her as I remember her. So I had to make a few adjustments." He answered my unspoken question.

"She's lovely." I murmured under my breath. I really thought she was. There was something extremely lovable and angelic about her face as he had drawn it.

"I know." It was his only reply again. I studied the sketch again. What a nice way to remember. I wished I would be able to do something like that. Instead of running from my memories and showing them into stupid mental boxes. I felt absolutely ridiculous. I knew I had to stop my panic so I pushed my attention elsewhere with questions. "What were their names?"

"My dad's name was Carlisle and my mother's Esme. Elizabeth was my sister." He answered quietly.

"Can I ask you something else?" I dared. I was pretty sure what was off about him, now that I had seen the photo and sketch of his sister.

He smiled. "Yes. Now that we have skipped all _'the getting to know each other cute stuff'_, I don't see why not."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty three."

"So that would make it..."

"Five years ago." He finished.

"You seem so okay about it? How do you deal?" I wish I hadn't asked that question, I knew it would give away too much information. I guessed he would turn the guns on me now.

"Massive amounts of therapy. And like I said, it helps to talk about them sometimes and do some sketching. You should see my home; you'd think I was a freaking lunatic." He chuckled, but quickly straightened his face. "I have worked out a few ways to deal. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though."

"I could only imagine" I lied.

"I'm not so sure." He cocked a brow at me, looking right through me again with those green eyes.

"I have another question?" I hurried as I was desperate to keep the subject on him.

"Shoot."

"That's not your real hair color - is it?" I frowned.

He laughed his contagious laugh again. "No. That bad?" He snickered and laced his hand through the chaotic disarray.

"No." I lied weakly. "It just looks a little odd." I laughed quietly. Did I really say that? My face froze.

"It's okay, I'm not offended. I know it's not really any good." He was still chuckling, but I wasn't sure if he was reacting to my expression or the line of erratic questions. "It was just something I had to do, but they didn't like it anyway." He mumbled, but his eyes weren't amused any longer.

"Why?" I asked. I was glad the conversation had taken a lighter turn, but I didn't really understand what he meant.

"Complications." He said flatly. I could see he wasn't going to give me any further information.

We sat in silence, but I was glad to have his company. And for the first time in a year I had just spent thirty minutes not thinking about Jacob and I had enjoyed myself. My stomach felt bubbly.

He got up from the seat and stretched his limbs. He was quite tall and lanky. I liked the lines of his broad shoulders. My eyes slid down his arms and I noticed the way his muscles ran under his skin, making shades that darkened his skin in some places. He had his back to me looking at the run down main building. My eyes moved over his back. Through his t-shirt I could see his shoulder blades, he was definitely a swimmer. I caught myself regretting that his t-shirt wasn't just a little bit tighter.

I groaned internally. Had I actually just been checking this stranger out? I had to admit that was exactly was I was doing. Shame rolled over me and I felt remorseful instantly. I could not be doing this to Jacob.

"Have you ever been inside the main building?" He asked out of nowhere.

I blushed as he glanced at me. He couldn't know I had just literally done a once over of his body. I tried to hide it, but I was doing a terrible job. "No." I answered feebly, but glad to feel my blush fading.

"Let's go have a look." He bobbed his head towards the building. "Come on." He gestured with his hand, smiling.

The more I got to know him - his probably fragile soul - the more attractive he became. He was quite gorgeous physically; that I had already established. But now I knew a piece of his mind and heart he was beautiful beyond belief. I stared into his eyes; the deep-set green eyes that were so striking it literally took your breath away. "Sure, let's have a look." I tried to hide the awe in my voice. I didn't want him to notice the moment of fascination I just had with him.

We entered the main building and it was like a time capsule. It was like who ever had lived and worked here had just picked up and left. There were papers in the drawers, pencils in the pencil holder. In the kitchen there were plates on the shelves, pots on the stove. It was an odd and eerie feeling of a dead time. We walked quietly and slowly through the rooms, trying to disturb as little as possible and avoid ruining anything. We left everything undisturbed - exactly as we found it.

I located the eerie feeling and what it was. I was suddenly eager and edgy to get out of there fast. This place reminded of me of myself. I was an empty body frozen in time. I had stopped living the day Jacob died and it was like I had taken my final breath the day we put him in the ground. I was like this building, completely frozen in time and slowly being worn down until the day I was no more.

We walked back to the Twong's resort in silence. I breathed the hot air in deeply, filling my lungs until it hurt. In this moment it was the only pain I felt, like I had taken a pill for a headache and it was magically gone. I knew the agony would come back though; this pleasurable afternoon was just a temporary fix.

Edward suggested dinner together and I accepted with some feeling of gratitude. I grabbed the chance to numb the pain just a little while longer. I would use him, simple as that.

I was rummaging through my bag for something to wear, but mainly I was aiming for my denim skirt. I didn't want to look too done up, but I didn't want to look like a slob either. I would just keep it nice and simple – a denim skirt and t-shirt. I found it and closed the top button. I grumbled defeated when I realized the stomach flu had taken another toll on me and I had lost even more weight. I had bought this skirt not long before I had left the states and it fit back then. I knew I had lost weight since Jacob, but I was getting too skinny. It wasn't like I wasn't eating, I figured it was more like my mind was so busy it used all the energy I put into my mouth, leaving just about nothing for my body to nourish from. I smiled sarcastically. How many women wouldn't chop of their right arm off to unintended lose 10-20 pounds and be this horribly bony? I evaluated if I should wear the skirt or not. I pulled it up at the waistband, but when I released it, it just slumped down low on my hip and barely clung to my waist. I pulled out a bright yellow t-shirt as I wanted to look more _cheerful_, even though that wasn't really how I felt. Edward had been friendly enough, no need to drag him into my depression.

I pulled my hair back into its usual ponytail and went to the bathroom in search of my make-up bag. I had to dig deep in the small vanity. I hadn't touched make-up since I arrived, I couldn't be bothered. I found my mascara and unscrewed the lid. The brush appeared to have been unable to stand the heat and the liquid had merged into a hard gooey clump around the brush, there was no salvaging it.

I heard a soft knock on the door. I went to get the door, dumping the mascara in the trashcan on my way. No make-up after all, but it didn't matter anyway, he had only seen me au-natural. As I pulled to the door open, I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Hi." I said lightly.

"You ready?" He asked softly and slipped his hands into his pockets. Apparently he had showered in double quick time as his hair was damp and in complete disorder. The black color was still a strong accent to his pale skin.

"Just about." I turned to get my key. There really wasn't much point in locking the door; the place was almost empty these days, but I closed and locked up anyway just out of habit.

The conversation was light with comments on the weather and the heat as we walked over to the restaurant.

We entered the hall continuing to the dining room. From the corner of my eye I saw Kachiri giving me an approving nod from behind the reception counter.

"Do you want to sit at your usual table?" He smirked and I rolled my eyes. Clearly he remembered my inverted tantrum when he had taken my seat. That was just slightly embarrassing.

"That's okay, we can sit somewhere else." I muttered.

"If you don't mind, then how about at the open doors?" He asked politely. I nodded and turned toward the table. There was a nice breeze coming from the beach, whisking sand inside and onto the tiled floors. We could easily hear the ocean as the water continuously licked the sand. He held the chair out for me, like a true gentleman and I had to stop from staring or stumbling when I sat down. This made me a little edgy, I wasn't used to this. Jacob had never held the chair out for me, so I wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. Edward picked a seat across from me and handed me the menu. I took it and placed it on the table.

"You okay?" He asked, surely noting I didn't pay attention to the menu.

"I'm fine, I already know what I want." I wasn't going to risk eating something that would upset my stomach. I was keeping it simple these days. "I'll have some rice and salad." My stomach wasn't completely back to its normal self yet.

"Oh, that's right." He nodded and all too clearly he remembered I was sure. I groaned internally while I tried to push back the images of me puking my guts. I glanced around the room, to keep from blushing with embarrassment. There were four other people besides us having dinner. At one table sat a couple, completely absorbed in each other and very much in love it appeared. They sat in the corner farthest away, clearly wanting privacy. At another table was occupied by two girls whispering something to each other and then giggling. They were young, pretty, nicely curved and both with very blond hair.

"I'll go order." Edward rose from his chair and pushed his hand through his hair, not really helping the chaotic state of it. "You want anything else?"

"Rice and salad, will do. And can I have a coke?" I blurted, sounding completely like a child asking her dad for permission.

He chuckled lightly. "Yes, you can." Edward disappeared toward the kitchen. I heard the two girls again, their giggling picking up. From the corner of my eye I saw them staring after Edward. Sure, I had already established he was good looking, but come on, they were ogling him like they had just seen Santa crap under the Christmas tree. A minute passed and Edward re-emerged form the kitchen. This set off another round of incomprehensible, but embarrassing giggles. I noticed Edward giving them a quick superficial smile as he crossed the room toward me. I tried to tune out their snide laughs, but not with overwhelming success.

The conversation flowed lightly throughout dinner. The questions were simple and easy to answer and didn't reach far beneath the surface. So they didn't disturb the peace I was trying to keep inside of my head.

The annoying snickering continued and I was getting irritated and ready flog the kids – like a mother-hen stopping the brats from throwing popcorn in the movie theater or she would strangle them with their pigtails. But they seemed to follow our every move, even though they tried to hide it. Edward ignored it and I tried.

I finished realizing I was still hungry. The rice and salad didn't do much to fill me up. I took it as a good sign that my stomach flu had permanently left my body. I had an actual appetite.

"Do you want the rest of my burger?" Edward asked interrupting my thoughts. I realized I had fallen into a stupor and was staring at Edward's half eaten burger.

"No thanks. " I said politely. I did want it though, it looked delicious and I was still famished.

"It's okay, you can have it." He offered.

"Okay… you don't mind if I eat it?" I asked unsure. It was somewhat strange to be finishing someone else's dinner.

"You look like you need it." He laughed. "Besides there isn't much nourishment to draw from it anyway… not the way you're devouring it with your eyes." He threw a dazzling smile at me and I blushed like on cue. I probably wasn't the only one, who had noticed I was getting emaciated.

Edward gently lifted it and placed it on my plate. The gesture tricked the loudest giggle from our spectators so far. In sync, Edward and I both turned our heads and gave the girls a nasty glare. Like a crack of a whip they stopped the giggling. Finally!

I started eating Edward's burger. It was good, and I swallowed it down in record time. Finished, I took my napkin and wiped my mouth and hands.

"I'm sorry, I normally don't finish other peoples dinner." I said with a sheepish grin.

"Don't worry... it nice to have dinner with someone who actually eats dinner." He took a sip of his coke.

"What's the deal with the two girls? They're looking at you like you're their new pet puppy or something?" I felt more confident with the food in my stomach.

"You noticed. I don't know." He shrugged, but his words were careful. His looked at me for an endless moment, astonished. He seemed to be evaluating something.

"So Bella." He paused for a moment, his eyes turned serious. "What happened to you?"

I chewed my lip while a nervous chill ran down my spine.

"What happened?" Edward prodded gently. It wasn't uncomfortable and I considered for a moment how to start telling the story. I sighed, and for the second time today I had to fight back the tears.

"I'm not ready." I muttered and my eyes glassed over.

"Okay." His lips narrowed and his green eyes were soft and understanding. "Can I ask again later?"

"Yes." I murmured. I wanted to tell him. Maybe next time I would be ready to answer his question.

"So Edward." I tried to lighten the sudden gloomy mood. "What do you do for a living?" I asked, smirking.

The attempt didn't work though and his beautiful eyes clouded over with sadness. "Would you consider me to be a friend, Bella?"

I stared at him bewildered and chewed over how to answer that. "Yes." I responded carefully, feeling in the pit of my stomach my answer was true.

He smiled marginally and leaned over the table. "Okay, as my friend then, let's not talk about work at all." He gently placed his hand over mine. His fingers were long and elegant; his hand was soft and reassuring. I nodded in agreement.

The evening continued quietly. The giggling duo of blondes left the restaurant shortly after they were busted eavesdropping in on our conversation. The young couple in the corner had eyes for no-one but each other. So we were basically alone.

Edward followed me to me back to my hut as it bypassed to his own place. I predicted that he would have followed me home where ever that might have been.

I was slightly nervous to be without his company. The idea of the nightmares I was going to face when my door closed made me edgy. I knew when I was surrendered to my lonesome self I would pay the price for neglecting my pain today. Tonight was going to be gruesome. I needed to work through my memories and I had horrible feeling; I would have no control over which memories would force its way into my head to night. I was mentally doing my best to prepare. I secretly wished I could have more time with this surprisingly gentle and strange but understanding man I had spent a fair amount of time with. We said goodnight and I walked through the door to face my monsters.

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**I hope to hear from you in the comments below.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**This is a slow chapter, but I always did enjoy a story with a marginal build of characters. So bear with me if you are longing for more drama. It's coming.**

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Chapter Four

The night had been brutal and I woke neither happy nor rested. I had tried to sleep, but it evaded me menacingly. Memories of weddings, deaths and funerals had continued to take presence in my mind, gnawing and festering on my brain. I knew I had to face the memories eventually, but I wasn't ready yet. I had lain in my bed, crumpled up, clutching my arm around my legs; trying to hold everything together and had waited for the dawn to break. In the early hours of the day I had fallen into a stupor that reminded of sleep, and hazy images had flickered violently before my eyes. I crawled inward and let my mind get the better of me.

I rubbed my eyes frantically, like that was going to help me feel more rested. My body ached with the lack of sleep and my arms and legs felt heavy, almost like a drug-induced coma. I was covered in sticky and clammy perspiration, but I didn't even dare to turn on the air conditioning. An uncomfortable body temperature didn't seem to be enough to chase my horrors away this time. It was unbearably hot and my singlet clung to my body. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom, hoping an ice cold shower at the very least, would stop me from sweating so profusely.

I let the cold water run over my body, and to my surprise, it worked like magic. I was still tired and grumpy, but at least not sweating like I had run five miles. My arms and legs felt somewhat improved from their sluggish state.

I dried my hair, combed through it and gathered it in a wet and untidy bundle at the back of my head. I pulled on a fresh t-shirt, and a pair of cotton shorts. My stomach was starting to growl - I was hungry again, much more than I had been in a long time. I had a big dinner last night, counting the food fest where I had finished Edward's burger. I never met anyone that offered me the rest of their food. Who did that? And even worse – who accepted?

I took my key from the dresser and headed out the door. I almost stepped on it, before I noticed the sheet of paper and I stared down at it puzzled. Edward had, some time during the night or the morning, left a sketch for me. I was sure it was one he had done as it was very similar in style to the ones I had seen in his journal the day before. I picked it up. He had made a sketch of me and I felt the corners of my lips pull up in a grin. The picture really looked like me and I was smiling; only I looked prettier on paper than in real life. Not a big surprise. I traced my fingertips lightly over the lines he had drawn, if only life could be as easy and happy as I looked, drawn in a thousand small strokes in black and white.

I noticed a small note Edward had written in the corner.

_I look forward to see you smile more__._

_Edward_

I felt my heart flutter as it worked a little harder to pump the blood through my veins, perhaps bringing me to life again. I left the sketch on my bed and went to have my breakfast, hoping to see Edward.

I entered the main building feeling slightly nervous. He was looking forward to see me, it was pretty clear from the note he left for me. But I was unsure if it was okay for me to look forward to seeing him too. I could feel that I did, my ever so slightly increased heartbeat told me so.

I said my good mornings to Kachiri, who once again was placed behind the reception counter. I turned to enter the dining room and my erratic heart was silenced when my eyes touched Edward's face. He really was here. I felt a calm whoosh through me and my anxiety was gone. Enter another unfamiliar feeling; perhaps it was a tiny butterfly humming around in my stomach.

He sat at the table where we had our dinner yesterday. I didn't think it was a coincidence, but I hesitated for a moment. He leaned over the table grabbing a different pen from the leather casing in front of him. He was sketching in his journal. He leaned his head into his free hand, with his long fingers curled in gridlock around a few black locks. He drew with intensity and a remarkable almost hateful look in his eyes. This was a dark somber face I hadn't seen before and it put me on edge. I was suddenly unsure if I should disturb him or not. I didn't want to intrude whatever it was he was doingMy body, however, had a different opinion; it started to move towards the table.

Edward noticed me before I reached the table. His face changed and lit up like a thousand candles. "Bella..." He chimed, his green eyes sparkling. "Nice to see you again." He closed his journal looking like he was trying to be inconspicuous about it, but before the pages disappeared behind the leather covered front, I could see that he wasn't sketching, he was writing. The letters on the pages looked furious and spiteful, like they were attacking each other. Could this gentle soul have a dark side?

"Morning." I looked at two used plates. He already had breakfast. I felt the butterfly wings slow down their flapping. He was leaving soon.

He handed me the breakfast menu. I took it and left it on the table without looking at it - again. "You're not eating?" He asked as he put the pencil back in the casing.

"Sure I am. I just already know what I'm having." I felt a smile shape my mouth.

"Of course you do. So what are you getting?" He asked interested.

"Pancakes and fruit."

"Nice choice... very girly." He mocked gently. I smiled. He was just as easy to be with today as yesterday. It was nice to know he didn't turn into a villain over night.

I stared at him anxiously as he started to get up from the table. The words bubbled over my lips, before I could stop them. "Where are you going?" I blurted anxiously. He heard the tension in my voice and I felt shameful for my obvious desperation.

"To get your breakfast." He said slowly and in a wary tone.

"Oh."

He flashed me a grin before he headed for the kitchen. "I'll be right back." He teased. I blushed embarrassed and heaved in a deep breath forcing it to stay in my lungs. He was back within a minute. "How was your night?"

I cringed at the question. I didn't feel like describing my horror of a night. So I lied. "It was fine." Even I was shocked at how unconvincing I sounded. He didn't look fooled either.

"Sure? You don't look too rested." He examined my face intensely. I bit down on my lip as I wanted to tell him I was fine again, but it felt pointless. I wasn't fooling anybody and I knew it.

"Nightmares. I didn't get much sleep." I touched my face, checking the extent of my bags under my eyes. Not too bad.

"That's a shame. You look like you could use a good night's sleep... not that you look bad... or good... I'm gonna shut up now and please just ignore me." His lips narrowed into a thin line. So he was able to sound stupid just as the rest of us mortals, despite his rather perfect exterior. Nice to know I wasn't the only one able to stick my foot in my mouth.

I chuckled a little. "It's okay... I know I'm not on the top of my game. Guess I won't be knocking any beauty-queens of the stage shortly." I muttered.

"I would like to see you try though. I could point a few out for you." He cocked a brow at me and surely he could only mean the giggling bimbos from last night. But I wasn't much compared to them, no matter how much I'd like to strangle them.

"Ha... yeah sure." I snorted and gave him a doubtful glare.

"Seriously, you could."

"Uh huh!" I nodded my head sarcastically.

"Really. You're actually really pretty. Beautiful, in fact." He murmured in a brotherly kind of way. I wasn't sure if I was a compliment or not. I just stared at Edward completely unconvinced. "Even if you're not at the top of your game." He muttered.

I frowned. "Well, thanks." I shrugged not sure how to feel about this turn in the conversation.

"Oh, I just fucking did it again, didn't I?" He laughed his contagious laugh again. He was even at ease with his own stupidity. But it was refreshing having him laugh it off and not act like me, who wallowed in defeat and dissected every bit of information until it was exhausted

My food arrived and it looked good. I quickly started jamming it into my mouth as I ate like a maniac. Surely I was too fast to be charming, but I was just so hungry and I couldn't help myself. I felt Edward stare at me, his eyes hanging onto every piece of food I stuffed into my mouth. Even with that acknowledgment, I couldn't slow my pace and my plates were empty in no time. My stomach growled and I was still hungry.

"You want some more?" He didn't even seem shocked or concerned with my appetite. Maybe he just added it to my mental state, and summed it up to the fact I might be unstable, which indeed I was.

"Yeah." I answered wryly. There was no point in hiding I was still famished. That would be a lost cause. "I think I'll have some toast and tea." I smiled sheepishly.

"Well, go for it." He inclined his head toward the kitchen. I went, quickly placing my order with the toothless old woman and headed back to the table. The food arrived quickly once again and I started in on the second meal of the day. This time I kept the piece down marginally. And, to my gratitude, I was full after this serving. I relaxed into my seat, feeling a little heavy from the all food. The lack of sleep started to take its toll.

"You look tired." Edward said gently.

"I'm okay." I lied, though I was feeling really exhausted.

"Go take a nap." It sounded like an order and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I just got up." I countered, plus I felt stupid taking a nap so shortly after getting up.

"It's not like you have a million things to do today. But if you do have stuff to do, they'll still be here later." He looked at me with those glorious green eyes. "You look exhausted. You really should catch some sleep." An understanding smile shaped his lips. For a moment I studied his face, his perfect features. This stranger had showed me more understanding in twenty four hours than the main part of my world back home.

I felt my body getting heavier and it was like my head weighed ten its usual weight. He was right. I didn't just look exhausted, I felt exhausted. I took his advice and decided to go take a nap.

I wondered if I should ask if he wanted to see me later, maybe do something together, but I just ended up standing and staring at him. I wasn't able to rip my feet from the floor and like a mind-reader he answered my unspoken thoughts.

"It's okay, I'll be around. Go sleep." He smiled again with encouraging eyes. He made it possible for me to force my feet to move and I walked back to my hut. Before I exited the room I noticed he took out his journal again and picked up where he had left off.

I entered my hut and fished my iPod out of my dresser; I had stashed it there when I first arrived. I hadn't listened to music for quite some time. I would attempt a trick that had always worked before Jacob died. I put the small ear buds in and went outside.

I struggled around in the hammock a few times, getting comfortable. I placed my feet the opposite end than I normally did as this would allow me to easily to see Edward's hut. I pressed play and the soft music streamed quietly into my ears. Astonishingly enough, the music did the trick and I immediately vanished into a heavy dreamless sleep. I was out cold.

The sun was placed further along the beach when I opened my eyes, designating I must have slept for hours. I turned off my iPod. I stretched and flexed all my limbs; they were a little stiff, but not so heavy anymore. I felt more rested than I had been in... well, not really sure how long, but a very long time.

I let my eyes wander to Edward's hut and to my disappointment he wasn't alone. Would I have been just as disappointed if there was no sign of him? I kept my eyes on the three figures and quickly realized who was with Edward. It was the two blond girls from last night. I frowned and groaned. This annoyed me to an unknown extent.

I stayed in my hammock, just watching the party of three for a few minutes. The girls looked as if they could be sisters. They were similar, though one was fairly rounder than the other; curvier, soft, but in a firm kind of way. I envied her slightly. That was how a woman was supposed to look, healthy and thriving and not with skin stretched tightly over perturbing bones. They were both blond, with long thick hair trailing down their backs. One was just wearing a bikini; the other at least had the decency to put a pair of shorts over her bottom, but unfortunately the top was so scrappy it barely covered her nipples. They both had a nice tan that glowed wholesomely. I glanced at my arms. Sure I had gotten some semblance of a tan, but nothing that made me look healthy, balanced or like I had been enjoying myself. I looked nothing like the pretty blondes.

I watched as the girls spoke animatedly to Edward. They both seemed a little too happy, a little too ecstatic for my taste. The slimmer one of the two kept taking a strand of hair and twirling it around her finger sensually. I groaned irritated. Could she be a little less subtle? The other one smiled hungrily, flashing her perfect teeth. It appeared Edward had said something funny, and the one in the skimpy top put her hand to her chest, her breasts jiggling as she laughed. She had put her hand to her chest for a reason and one reason only - to draw attention to her boobs. It was just about the oldest trick in the book and she wasn't subtle about it either, just like the other girl's hair twirling wasn't unintended. From a distance they looked like two lionesses getting ready to jump their prey and tear him apart, which I wouldn't be surprised if they did, both of them... at the same time.

"Stupid. Vapid. Bimbos." I muttered. I was normally never rattled by their types, but this just down right bugged me.

Without thinking I leaned one hand out of the hammock and pushed against the fence to force myself into motion. Edward's head immediately flashed to my direction and he shaded his eyes.

A ghost of a smug smile shaped my lips as it appeared Edward was making his escape. He moved around the girls, gesturing something with his hands. He took long strides as he started a slow jog in my direction.

I glanced back at the two girls. They were still in front of Edward's place looking like someone had run over their puppy.

"Hi there." He leaned against the fence, resting his arms and chin on the railing. He looked happy to see me.

"Hi." I answered carefully and my breath hitched the tiniest bit when he smiled.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Sure." I eyed the girls again, and frowned as they were still watching us. "It looked like they were getting ready to attack you." I tried not to sound too sour.

"Just about, sometimes you have to beat them off with a stick." He rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed. I thought he sounded a bit arrogant.

"Lucky you." I added sarcastically. "Brave of you to turn your back on them."

"Nah. These ones are harmless." He turned slightly to check. The girls caught the hint that he wasn't coming back and started a slow pace toward the main building. They would be passing us shortly. "Are you feeling better?" He looked determined to ignore them. I was having a harder time doing that.

"Much." I admitted.

"Good."

The lionesses were as close as they would get passing us. I followed them from the corner of my eye as they both gave me a spiteful glare. Edward said something, but I didn't hear. I was busy smiling at him, rubbing it in their faces. "Hey, don't do that... that's not nice." Edward's voice broke through; he chuckled while he scolded me gently. I should be ashamed, but I wasn't - not the least bit. "Well, do you?" He questioned again.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He spoke slowly, mocking my lapse of attention. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure. Just give me a minute." I headed for the bathroom quickly, I needed to splash some water on my face and have a human moment. I pulled my panties up and noticed my legs. I gasped horrified at the marks I had running up and down my legs from the hammock net. It literally looked like I had fish scales. _Ah crap!_ That would take a while to disappear. Great, now I was the girl with fish legs - charming.

I figured it was in the midst of the afternoon and the heat was heavy and burning. Edward had asked if I had sensible shoes, so I put on my practical sandals. It was ugly as hell, but served in the category as sensible shoes. He led us to the edge of the jungle just behind the resort. We walked slowly in the thick under bush, making sure not to encounter anything uncomfortable, like enormous spiders or snakes. I wasn't sure if I really needed to be worried or if Edward was joking. He talked lightly about his parents and the home he had grown up in. Seattle. I listened with interest.

He asked many questions, I answered most of them and editing through subjects I was not ready to get into. He listened attentively like I was telling the most fascinating stories. I doubted that, as I wasn't sure why he found me so eye-catching. My upbringing wasn't really that different than others. I was just as plain as everybody else. But by the look on his face, he didn't think so.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and turned into evening before I knew it. Edward suggested another dinner and once again I accepted.

We exited the jungle far up the dirt road that lead to the resort. I guessed we must have been almost to the main road, so we had a fair walk back to the resort, about three miles I figured. Twilight was setting and I was getting hungry. We trailed along the side of the road for about five minutes until Mr. Twong passed us in his pick-up truck giving us a ride back. We hopped on the bed of the truck and I was grateful as my legs were getting tired. Sitting down I examined my shins. The scales were gone, but it had been replaced with small cuts and scrapes; spots of mud scattered in an even pattern across my skin. I looked at Edward; he wasn't in any better condition than I was. His tan shorts had turned green and brown in many places. At one point he ripped a big hole in the side pocket when he was stuck on a branch. The pocket had given, not the branch.

I sat at the edge of the pick-up bed; where the wind was tearing at my hair. I pulled out the band and closed my eyes. I focused on the wind whooshing violently across my face. The speed made the air cool and exhilarating at the same time. I breathed in deep smelling the sweet scent of the flora and fauna. This was liberating. I had spent an entire afternoon not thinking about Jacob. That too was liberating.

With my eyes closed, I was somehow aware that Edward was observing me. I felt like he was studying me with a great deal of fascination. It occurred to me that maybe he was trying to figure me out. That wouldn't be hard. The man I loved had died and some of me with him. End of story.

I did something new when I got back last night. Before dinner I put on the air conditioning without reason other than simply for it to cool the suffocating hot room. I was comfortable enough for that.

The evening had been uneventful. Not that it had in anyway been boring; more that it had been fulfilling and quiet. My mind hadn't been roaring around, flicking images from side to side, making them bounce off the inside of my skull. I had spent the time with Edward and just him. A few times Jacob had popped into my mind, but I hadn't felt judged. The conversation had flowed easily and lightly and I was fairly sure it was all due to my newly required state of mind.

Another thing I had noticed was Edward. He seemed to hang on to every word I said and listened keenly. I was unsure of his motive for listening so intently. Was I just that interesting or was he having feelings? I feared the latter. I was sure even if the second option was the truth, I wouldn't be able to push him away but I wouldn't be able to reciprocate his feelings either. I longed for his company, it was growing stronger by the minute and there was no going back on that. That was what I knew. I would end up exploiting him for his good graces and his easy company. I would stick to him like glue.

I entered the dining room fresh for another day's events. Officially I hoped he would be there, secretly I knew he would. He sat at the table I was starting to consider ours. His glorious eyes sparkled and he greeted me with a warm smile while closing his journal. Disturbed lines smoothed and vanished from his face. I pulled out the chair and sat down across from him before he had time to pull out the chair for me. This time he didn't bother to hand me the menu and there were no used plates on the table. He had waited for me.

"Morning." He examined my face surreptitiously.

"Morning."

"Better night?"

"Yes." That was true. I had only woken up a few times and I had merely dreamed once or twice; and then it had been nothing too scary. Just stuff I had already filed, that was bearable.

My eyes flickered to the leather bound book beneath his hand. He caught me and casually pushed it aside. "Good, I'm glad... I already ordered, hope it's okay?" He answered nonchalantly.

"Sure." I smiled tentatively. I normally considered it little rude to order on someone else's behalf. How would a person know what the other person felt like eating? In my humble opinion, it had an edge of control to it.

"Pancakes and fruits?" He said unaware of my inner disapproval.

"You remembered." I couldn't help smiling, feeling a little bad I had judged him so rapidly as I would have ordered it anyway.

"Of course I did." He countered and frowned.

The food arrived and we ate together. This time I made sure I wasn't hurling the food into my face and I kept the pace down. I was sure my mother would approve of my manners today. The thought alone made me want to increase the speed just to be spiteful. I was twenty four and I still had mommy issues.

"What?" He asked, his green eyes probing

"It's nothing." I shrugged.

"If it's nothing, then why don't you tell me about it?" He cocked a brow at me. He called me out and I knew it.

"It's nothing. It's my mother... we don't always _understand_ each other." Understand was a nice way to describe our indifferences. Though, I had put too much emphasize on the word for it to pass unnoticed. I sighed and explained so he wouldn't have to ask, because he would. "I was just thinking of how I inhaled my breakfast yesterday and thought of how she would disapprove." I muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, you don't get along with your mother? How about you father?"

"That's a very different story. I adore my dad." Warm feeling spread around my heart.

"You're a daddy's girl." He teased.

"No, I'm not." I felt like slapping an exclamation mark after my words. "It's different with my dad. _We_ understand each other. He says it's because we are cut from the same stone. I have many things in common with my dad, unlike other people I have just about nothing in common with." I muttered.

"Any brothers or sisters?" Edward asked.

"No. Just me, but I always wanted an older sister."

Edward smiled softly. "So why don't you like your mother?"

I paused, feeling the irritation rise inside of me. "With her it's all about what other people think and what we look like from the outside. It's ridiculous and stupid. Useless, I would say." Edward stared at me like I had just answered all his prayers. "So when you told me about Elizabeth I was a little jealous." I chuckled shortly. "It sounded like the kind of relationship I always wanted with a sister." I shrugged feigning the swarm of words that had just left my mouth didn't bother me. I had said a lot of things and none of them nice. I was basically bitching and moaning, a very unattractive quality.

Edward was quiet for a minute. "I would wish that kind of relationship on anyone." I knew he was referring to Elizabeth. It was quiet for a few heartbeats. "So what do you want to do?"

I was glad the conversation was taking a lighter turn. I thought for a moment. "I think I want to read for a while." Edward's face fell ever so slightly. I saw it, but I really wanted to read. It wasn't because I wanted to be alone or without Edward, but because I used to love to read, but lately I hadn't been able to. My mind just didn't seem to register the words on the pages. It was like I saw the letters, but the words wouldn't form sentences in my head that I understood. The story simply didn't cling to my mind. I wanted to try, perhaps to test my progress. Being unable to read had been a huge handicap for more than a year. I worked at a book story, so it was sort of ironic I couldn't engage in reading.

"Okay." He answered quietly, not smiling at all. Beneath the radiance of his eyes there was an endless sadness. I wasn't sure how to decipher it or what that darkness was, but I was pretty sure it wasn't linked to his family's death. Talking about them made him sad, but there wasn't this darkness lurking around that subject.

I studied his face with scrutinizing eyes. "I'll be around." I echoed his words from yesterday casually. This sent him into a round of his contagious laugh. It didn't seem to bother him the least bit that I had caught him exactly where he caught me yesterday - obviously longing for the other person's company. Once again I envied his easy going nature and how stress-free he was to be around.

"I think I'll go for a swim then." He added, still chuckling.

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**I hoped you liked the chapter and tell me what you think.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A special thanks Verucasin for your support and guidance. AN:**

**A few people have been itching to find out what happened to Jacob, well you are about to find out more about him. Will Edward finally break through to Bella's pain?**

**Thank you for your support and please leave a word or two below. There is no greater compliment to a writer. So humor me please.**

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**Chapter Five**

I placed myself in the hammock again, just as I had yesterday morning. I wondered shortly if I should worry about the fish-leg this comfortable makeshift bed seemed to give. I pushed off from the railing, swinging softly and opened my book. It was the only book I had brought with me and it was my favorite. I had probably read it about a thousand times, but that didn't matter it was still awesome, every time.

Peripherally I could see Edward roaming around on his front porch, hanging something off the railing. He only wore shorts hanging loosely from his hips and nothing else. I just had to glance at him. He was in shape, no doubt about that. He was lanky, but his muscles were defined and rippling down his stomach. I knew he had been gifted with beauty, but nothing like this. Deep inside my belly something clenched.

He jumped to the sand, skipping the steps altogether. The move was very athletic and he made it look effortless. He ran quickly to the water and I guessed it was to avoid burning his feet on the scorching sand. He stalked into the water in long strides, and jumped in head first when the water was waist deep. He looked extremely elegant as he glided through the water, taking practiced strokes, pushing himself forward fast. So he was a swimmer just as I had imagined. He swam far out before he started heading towards the shore again, before he turned slightly to the right and all of a sudden disappeared behind the great lime stone cliff. This felt a little unsettling, but he had looked very comfortable and capable in the water – so I trusted that.

After about an hour of reading Edward re-appeared from behind the lime stone cliff again. Gliding through the water athletically - he looked beautiful in the element. On his way out of the ocean I noticed that he threw a quick glance in my direction - like he was checking if I was there. I was... ogling him. I pretended to keep reading, while I watched him from the corner of my eye. After a short trip inside his hut, Edward took to the water again.

I pushed against the railing again, swinging and I noticed something irritating me beyond belief. The blond pack - the lionesses were back. They were prowling along the beach with their eye on Edward. As they passed my hut, I fiercely locked my eyes on my book ignoring them purposefully. They were closing in on Edward's hut. I couldn't help but notice they wore the same attire as yesterday, except from the curvier one seemed to have forgotten her shorts today. To my horror they turned their attention to the water, their direction changed - stalking their prey, ready to launch an attack.

Oh hell no! I flung myself off the hammock, the book dropped to the floor with a thud and I raced inside. I ripped through my bag finding what I was looking for - my bikini. I yanked my clothes off and put on my swimsuit. I threw a quick glance at the mirror and groaned at the sight. I was really getting bony. I checked my profile and groaned again. I had skinny chicken legs, I wasn't able to completely fill the top of my bikini and for the love of god - I now had fish scales running all the way up my back as well as on my legs. I went to my bag again and pulled out a pair of short board shorts. That would cover some of the chicken legs, the rest I just have to live with.

I forgot to put my shoes on, so I burned my feet as I crossed the sand running for the water. My eyes were locked on the packs' backs; they were in almost waist deep and almost to Edward. He chuckled slightly as he saw my not so subtle wading through the water. He raised his hand and gave a small wave at me. As a pair of synchronized swimmers the girls in front of me raised their hands and gave a little gesture with their fingers. Edward's gaze flickered back and forth a few times and he seemed amused by the situation.

The girls reached him before I did. But they were so not hunting on my turf. Not that I had turf, but he was off limits to them. I heard him say a quick hello. His voice, I thought, was a little colder than usually.

"Edward." The girls chimed in sync - their voices sweeter than cotton candy. The slimmer one started twirling her hair again. _Seriously - she hadn't come up with anything better since yesterday? _I made an unintentionally splashing noise... well maybe not completely unintentional, but I wanted to let them know I was coming. As true hunters they turned their heads, and gave me the same hate-like glare from yesterday. They really needed to come up with new material.

"Bella." Edward's voice was a warm humming when he said my name. There was a profoundness to it I couldn't ignore. "So glad you could join me."

"No problem." I added, not sure what my next move was going to be. I might be rudely interrupting, when he didn't want me to. I glanced at his eyes, they were soft and sparking and he didn't appear annoyed with my sudden presence.

The girls gave my skinny frame the classic once over, assessing the competition. It was clear they thought I was no match for them. I was a bag of bones, had chicken legs, no boobs, and to add to the insult, fish scales all the way up my backside.

I tried to stay calm when Edward casually touched a stand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. For once my hair wasn't stuck in its normal ponytail. I was slightly stricken by the close proximity to Edward – a bare-chested Edward at that. He looked so strong and confident, like nothing in the world could tear him down. I had to work to keep my eyes off him. He was like a prize, which I was sure was exactly what the opposing girls considered him to be.

The skinny one murmured something that could be construed as _heinous bitch_, but I pretended not to hear it. "We were just going for a swim." The curvy one said in a colorful accent as Edward's eyes stayed with mine.

"Sure you were." I said unable to stop myself and I smiled my best fake smile. The girls seemed to get the hint they were unwanted and started walking further out into the water, like they just happened to cross Edward's path.

He leaned in slightly and whispered. "That was interesting." Edward was clearly amused with my little charade.

"Yeah… I figured you needed rescuing." I lied. In truth I was the one who needed to rescue him for me. Not the other way around. I was as surprised I had acted so strongly and slightly confused.

"If you say so. But normally, I can take care of myself." He cocked a brow and smiled. He was so close to my face and it made my stomach flutter.

"Okay... it just looked like they were ready to devour you." I tried to keep it light, not sure how successful I was. Edward's only response was a soft smile. Our eyes locked and we fell silent for a while and it seemed like time stopped. I was completely absorbed in the depth of his beautiful green eyes.

"I have an idea..." His voice was suddenly enthusiastic. "Can you swim?"

"Sure I can swim." I rolled my eyes slightly, but I appreciated the boyish grin that spread across his face.

"No, I mean… can you _swim_?" He put the emphasis was on the last word. My eyes narrowed.

"I can swim to some extent." I was a little nervous what he was getting at. I had seen him in the water and he could _swim._ "Not like you though." I murmured. He pursed his lips like he was evaluating.

"You'll be fine." That seemed to be his conclusion. He grabbed my hand casually, like he had done it a thousand times before. Electricity jolted up my arm and I was startled at the sudden contact of our skin. He quickly let go again and smiled nervously assessing my face. The situation felt a little awkward, but in a strange way I already missed the feeling of his skin against mine. We walked to the shore in silence.

"Go get a t-shirt and some small shoes... preferably flip flops." He ordered, already turned toward his place.

"I thought we were swimming?" I stated baffled.

"We are, but we will need shirts and shoes." That didn't make much sense either. But I did as I was ordered. Dripping all over the floor, I collected the items needed and went over to Edward's. I put my flip-flops on since my soles were not totally unaffected with the two trips over the burning sand.

He had pulled some kind of bag out when I got there. It looked strange, flat and had four straps; two by two they were joined at the middle. Edward was on his knees in front of it when he pulled a shirt off the railing and quickly rolled it into a bundle. I noticed a sporty looking water bottle that hadn't been there before.

He put out a hand "Give me your shirt." I obediently handed it to him. I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. My shirt got the same treatment as his. "Shoes." He continued. I pulled them off and handed them to him as well. He paired one of mine on one of his. My eyes lingered on the shoes. They looked perfect like that, uneven in match and size, but they complimented each other and I smiled. He quickly pushed them into the bag, closing the odd zipper. He got to his feet, and put the bag around his waist, strapping the bag to his hips.

"Ah." I nodded getting the idea of the bag. Another dark thing crept into my mind. We were swimming, and far.

"For a moment you looked like you thought I lost my mind."

"For a moment there I thought you had... how far are we going? Do I need to be nervous?" I frowned and bit my lip.

His eyes dropped to my mouth and his breath hitched ever so slightly, before he recovered his equilibrium. "Not far, and no... I'll take care of you." He promised.

"I'm not in that great shape." I felt that was obvious, but I refrained from looking down my fading body. I didn't need to be reminded I still didn't fill out my top. I fiddled with a lock of hair nervously, questioning if this was really a good idea.

He snatched the water from the railing, and then jumped the stairs, ready to move quickly over the sand. "You'll be fine... you're not afraid of depths, are you?" Sounding a little worried, looking like he was making me do something I didn't want to do.

"No." I decided to stop being a baby and just go for it. I ran quickly over the sand as fast as possible with Edward right on my heels. The water was a gentle relief to my soles. They suffered a little more with the third trip over the burning sand. I waded as far as I could into the water before it became too deep. I was already a little out of breath. Edward playfully ran past me and once again jumped head first and disappeared underneath the surface. I mimicked his jump, not quite so elegantly though.

Edward led the same route he had taken earlier when I had watched him vanish behind big lime stone cliff. Closer up, it looked like it was floating on the water. The water must have eroded some of the stone at the base, making it appear as if the massive cliff was indeed floating on the water. It looked impossible, going against all laws of physics. I was fine around the first cliff when we made a short stop at a small but very private beach in between two ginormous cliffs. The trail through the forest did not show this beach on the way to the abandoned resort. This was completely secluded.

After a short rest Edward asked if I was okay for another swim. I had nodded in compliance, but I hadn't anticipated the second swim to be longer... much longer to my surprise. About half way past the cliff, I felt my legs getting heavy and my arm tired. But I fought it and continued. Edward repeatedly asked if I was getting tired and I repeatedly answered no. He told me not get too tired because that would be a mistake. He wanted to stop and tread water for a little while, but I was more in a hurry to get this over with and get out of the water, so I pushed myself further. Big mistake, huge. Edward was right, when I got too tired my legs cramped up fiercely, making it impossible for me to tread water. I was suddenly going under. Water going in everywhere and I chocked and tried to fight the element. I was in trouble as the salty drops stole any chance I had of breathing. Edward was a little short of breath but nothing compared to my heavy panting and struggling. He quickly hefted me over my shoulder. "Put your arms around my neck." I did as he asked, coughing and hacking up water that had gone down my windpipe. "Okay... without choking me would be nice." His voice was strained as his hands were locked around my wrists. I realized how hard I was clinging to him, so I repositioned my arms to his shoulders rather than his throat. That seemed to work. "Now, hang on to me like a piggy bag and relax your legs." I took an undisturbed breath and suddenly felt like I was five years old and hanging on to my dad. The only thing was, Edward wasn't my dad and I wasn't five years old. Electricity was thundering through my body inexplicably at this most unsuitable moment. Even struggling with death I was able to feel something else.

Edward slowly started to take strokes in the water and I felt his skin and his muscles work underneath my arms and chest. He was strong, indestructible it felt like.

Edward swam with me the rest of the way and I was elated when my toes touched the soft sand at the bottom. I was safe. I hadn't felt unsafe in his care, just somewhat embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry." He said as I dragged my limb body ashore. Edward seemed fairly untouched by the amount of exercise. He looked ashamed. "I thought it would be okay."

I let my body slump down onto the warm sand. I felt every inch of muscle, every nerve and sinew in my frame and they all ached. "I'm drowning and you're sorry?" I rasped. I should be the one who was sorry. I tried to slow my heavily labored breath.

"Are you okay?" He asked, intently watching me, like he was checking every ounce of my somewhat withered frame.

"I'm fine... it was actually awesome to use my body like that. It feels good to be physically exhausted, rather than mentally." I bit my tongue to stop the words from coming; he wouldn't want to hear all that stuff. I stared at him, but he hardly reacted to what I said. He just unstrapped the bag and handed me the water bottle. I took a few swigs and cleansed the salty taste of seawater from my mouth. I wasn't really that thirsty, even though I had had more exercise in the past hour, than in the past year combined. Edward sat down beside me resting his arms against his knees.

"I'm sorry you had to rescue me." I said and as soon as the words were out I saw the sentiment in between the lines. It wasn't only from drowning he had saved me, but in every other thinkable way too. If it wasn't for him I would have gotten nowhere. The past days would have been no different without him. I would have spent several of them cooped up in my room unable to even go get something to eat. But now I ventured to do a few things – he had encouraged me to be active without forcing anything down my throat. Had anyone else asked me to do these activities, I would have told them to fuck off.

"Well you did the same for me earlier. You can call us even." He chucked, and put his head down between his arms, slowing his breath.

I lay down on the sand and closed my eyes. I felt myself dozing off, just for a few minutes. "Bella, you should put your t-shirt on, you'll get burned." Edward lightly touched my shoulder.

"Oh... " I sat up feeling confusion wash over me. I touched my shorts and they were dry. I really had fallen asleep. Edward handed me my shirt and I put it on obediently. The sun was fiercely hot against my pale skin.

We sat for a short while in silence, but I could feel Edward quietly was working up to something. "So I'm going to ask again now." Edward seamed to tread lightly. He knew the subject was touchy.

"Yes." I answered, knowing what he was asking. I swallowed convulsively, my heart starting to pound in my chest. _Was I ready for this?_

"What happened?" He encouraged.

I hesitated as images of the night before I lost Jacob flooded my mind with a vengeance. I couldn't push them back. I closed my eyes and concentrated on getting the words out. "He died." My voice was just above a whisper.

"I sorta figured that." I felt Edward place his hand on top of mine. It was warm and had the comfort of a thousand hugs. "What happened?" He implored with the same words again.

I didn't answer, but the images took over and I gave in to a painful memory.

**Flash**_I shoved the key into the lock, feeling it grinding and protesting as I turned the metal. I was exhausted and fed up with people bitching and nagging me. When you did your best what else could anyone ask? I sighed tiredly._

_The only thing I looked forward to was to soak myself in Jacob's arms and smell his musky scent. A hot shower and a movie I would pass up either._

_The hall was dark but a hint of light shone from the kitchen. There was no blaring of the TV or any kind of sound. That was strange as Jacob usually had the TV running weather he watched it or not. "Jacob?" I called as I eased out off my jacket and boots. I wiggled my toes as the boots had cut off quiet a bit of the blood supply to my feet._

"_In here." He called somber. I found him sitting at the kitchen table staring at his cell. "Where were you?" He asked coldly._

_I was taken aback by the unexpected chill in his voice. "At work." I frowned confused._

"_Don't lie to me."_

"_I'm not lying." I defended._

"_Why didn't you answer your phone?" Hi lifted his black eyes to mine, they were cold and spiteful._

"_My battery died."_

"_How fucking convenient for you Bella."_

_I gaped. "Jacob I don't understand any of this." I didn't see why he was suddenly so pissed about a flat battery and a missed phone call._

"_Don't insult me by playing stupid Bella, we both know you're not. I went to the theater. I spoke to Eric, he told me you left an hour earlier with Tyler." He snarled and pushed out of the chair. It tilted back with a dull wooden sound when it hit the tiles of the kitchen floor._

"_I did. I walked down the block with him, and then he met up with some friends." I narrowed my eyes. It was this old song again. "Jacob Black you really don't think I would cheat on you?" I was just about to roll my eyes, he was being ridiculous._

"_You lied to me before." He countered harshly._

_I gasped horrified he would throw that back in my face. __Yes, I had sex with Mike in a moment of pure stupidity - the event where he had assumed a few facts. "I didn't lie to you!" I spat._

"_You didn't fucking tell me the truth either! Are you fucking Tyler?" He roared, towering over me. I stepped backwards, meeting the wall._

_I stared at Jacob for a long moment, feeling the hatred boil inside me. As much as I loved him, at this moment he was being a__n insensitive prick and I hated him for acting like this. "Jacob Black I am not even going to dignify that with an answer." I tried to stay calm, but everything inside me simmered with detest._

"_Where were you tonight Bella?" He spat, his dark lips rigid._

"_You know what Jacob, that is none of your goddamn business."_

"_Answer my question Bella!" He threatened._

_I tried to duck around him, but he blocked my way. I glared at him. "Fuck you!" I hissed._

_His hand rammed into the wall just beside my head. I ducked and avoided at the last second. His entire frame quivered and his mouth fell open. His black eyes widened with shock and hurt. "Oh god." He murmured, stepping back from me. He had never ever gotten abusive in anyway, but he had a temper and jealousy was no stranger to him._

_It was quiet for eons of time and we just stared at each other, stunned. I swallowed after a while and found my voice. "Why were you looking for me at the theater?"_

"_I missed you and wanted to walk you home." He said quietly._

"_I took a long walk home because I had a really shitty day. I wanted some space." I paused. "Thank you Jacob, for showing me your support and love by accusing me of cheating on you. It was so thoughtful of you." I sidestepped around him and closed the bedroom door behind me._

_I had dozed off at some point during the night when the tears had dried out. I felt his familiar large and warm frame curl around me. His soft lips pressed against my neck. "I'm so sorry." He croaked. "I'm an ass." His warm mouth continued down my neck, leaving small kisses. "Please forgive me baby." He mused and his hand drew under my night shirt. He reached my breast, touching softly, but his caress felt foreign to my body._

_I wrestled around in his arms and let his lips lock around mine. I kissed him back. Jacob pushed himself closer to me and I felt his swelling erection at my thigh. "I need you so much baby." He grunted and plunged his tongue into my mouth. All of this was a pattern, after a fight the make-up sex would follow, but this time I wasn't having it. I didn't feel forgiveness rising inside of my body this time. I didn't want to ignore his sometimes__ erratic temper. I twisted my fingers into his glossy black hair and pushed his face from mine and glared at him._

"_You just accused me of spreading my legs for another man! What in the world makes you believe I will spread them for you now?"_

_Jacob stared at me stunned and went completely still against me._

"_Get out of the bed Jacob__." I ordered. His eyes turned into black pools of hurt and he left._

_That was our last night together. Through my agony and fear I filed the memory in the 'unhappy memory' box._

I opened my eyes and I stared at our hands; Edward's locked over mine, it made me feel less alone. "I am 24 years old and I am a widow." I said quietly. _Life just sucks_. I moved my eyes to his, feeling how black and hollow I was with sorrow. Everything felt so unfair as I spoke the words, even though it was what I had lived through for a year.

"How long were you married for?" Edward asked softly.

"A little more than a year." My vision glassed over, when an image of marrying Jacob flickered alive in my head.

"What was his name?" He asked in an even voice. My mouth fell open. I hadn't as much as spoken Jacob's name to him.

"Jacob" I croaked.

"What happened?" It was the third time he repeated the question.

"He just... died. They said it was an aggressive form of meningitis." I felt my empty heart beating harder as I spoke of my Jacob.

"Do you want to talk more about it?... or..." His voice vanished into thin air as he didn't finish.

"Do you think it'll help?" I heard my voice sound a little optimistic. My eyes were filled with tears, but they hadn't started to roll yet. "I mean... you said it helped you with Elizabeth, so I figured I might give it a try?"

He gave my hand a little squeeze. It felt encouraging. "Maybe it will." His words so soft it made the tears spill.

"It was Friday morning and when Jacob got up he had a fever. Nothing bad. He had a meeting so he didn't want to call in sick." I snorted and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "He called later during the day. He told me he felt really bad and that he was going home. He said he thought the fever was getting worse. When I got home, he was in bed, and I went to check on him. His fever was sky high and I couldn't wake him. He was so distant, slurring his words and shaking. So I called 911. It felt like forever until they arrived and I tried to get his clothes off, but he was too heavy, so I cut some of them. When the paramedics got there, they worked quickly, strapping him to a gurney and loading him into the ambulance. At the hospital they worked desperately to bring the temperature down, but nothing worked. 2 hours later..." My voice died, it was hard to speak with the lump in my throat. "He died... he just died, so fast and he left me all alone."

Edward's hand had moved to my arm, stroking it silently. I snorted again. I looked at him with tears streaming down my face. He was quiet as he watched me, so gentle and stunning is his comfort. I suddenly unleashed what I had been holding back for so long. I let my head fall onto Edward's shoulder, nuzzling my face against the base of his throat. A while after my breakdown he had put his arm around my shoulder and started stroking my hair. It was so comfortable. I cried hysterically for a long time and I was sobbing so hard my body shook and it was hard to breathe. In the midst of it all anger had taken over. I had struggled to free myself from his arms, but he had held me in place. When I had screamed during my psychotic meltdown and tried to punch his chest with my fists, he had let me, but forced my back against the sand and pacified me. I just let it all out and held nothing back. Edward never said a word. I hadn't even cried this much at the hospital or at the funeral – no one had gotten to me like this, no one had been able to break through to me before. No one had seen my real grief. And Edward had done it with such few words and I had melted in his capable hands. This I realized when I cried in Edwards arms. I needed him now, like I needed air to breathe.

Edward started asking questions and I answered every one of them, without hesitation.

The funeral had been an excruciating experience. And it felt like an out of body experience. I had been placed on the front church pew, between Jacob's mom and dad. I had insisted on sitting with Sheryl and Billy, much to my mother's horror. Alice sat behind me. My mother felt it was sending the wrong message to the rest of the participants. I couldn't care less; I just needed be where I felt safe. So I sat between the two people that considered me as much of a daughter as humanly possible without actually being genetically linked.

My father had missed the funeral all together, and to this day I don't think he will ever forgive himself. But he had been stuck deep in the forests, where rain had closed off many roads and he had spent the first days trying go get to somewhere. He had arrived back at Forks and then continued to Seattle for his connection flight to New York. And with all the bad luck the flight had been canceled due to another downpour and he had been stuck in Seattle airport while I buried my husband.

Sheryl had been so strong through the whole thing. Jacob was her only son; he had been an only child. But she had taken care of everything, though often interrupted by my mothers infuriating ideas of how a perfect funeral should be. Sheryl had been patient with my mother, but firm. I would have ripped her head off. Sheryl had taken care of herself, her husband and me. I had been watching and waiting for her to fall apart and when I asked her how she could keep going, she had answered; _'if I stopped doing things, I am afraid I will stop moving all together and what good will that do, so it is safest to keep busy.'_ But she was grieving, deeply and silently.

On the morning of the big event, I had completely lost it in the bedroom I shared with my Jacob when I had tried to put on my dress. I had just spoken to my dad; he had announced he would not be attending. My mother had insisted that I put on my best face, so we could pay Jacob the respect that was proper. _Proper_! The word had sent a chill down my spine and an attack to my mind. I had told my mother to '_shove it where the sun don't shine',_ for a lack of better expression and I had called Sheryl... selfish as I was. She and Billy had arrived. Sheryl had held me, wrapping her fairly enormous comforting arms around me, helped me in my dress and had taken me to the church along with her husband. So there I was, on that first pew between Jacob's parents, while I felt apart of me slowly going black, infested and die. It felt like the essence of my being was oozing from my body, and I was left like an empty shell.

I could hear the whispers behind me on the other rows. _'Look at her, she looks so tiny'_ an unrecognizable voice had said. _'I feel so sorry for her'_ another pitiful voice declared. But I didn't care about anything anymore.

I told Edward all of this as the day turned into evening. The light disappeared down behind the horizon, following the sun. I put all my cards on the table for him – he brought me out of my shell.

oooooooooOOOOOooooooooo

**I really hope you enjoyed and I'll see you for the next chapter**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A special thanks Verucasin for your support and guidance. **

**Thank you to all of you who have left a review, added me to your alerts and/or favorite story. I am truly very honored.**

**AN:**

**Now you get to meet Alice - the pixie-like girl we all love and adore, but be ready for a few changes. I do not mean to offend anybody, but I wanted to have a little fun with it.**

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Chapter Six**

We walked back to the huts, but I didn't feel like ending the evening. I felt lighter, like I had dumped a ton of cement from my heart. I felt weightless and knew the reason why he was walking less than three feet from me. I had let him in; I had told him my story. I had let go of all my defenses and there was nothing to hold back anymore – there was no going back with Edward. I was free, at least until I got to sleep and had to battle my nightmares.

I sat down in one of the hammocks, not sure how to stop him from leaving me tonight. I lay back for a while, swinging lightly from side to side. My lips twitched into a smile when Edward mirrored my example. He placed his feet at the opposite end, lazily gazing at me.

"Who's Alice? You've mentioned her several times, and I get the feeling she is important to you."

"She is... she's very important. She's more or less the only one who understands and she's always available for all my crap." I felt a pricking in my heart as I realized how much I missed her.

"It's good to have someone like that, someone who understands." He agreed.

"Did you have someone like that, I mean with Elizabeth and your parents?"

"No." He answered quietly and his face saddened. "I have my sketches and a few random people who will listen from time to time." He smiled softly again.

"Alice was the first person I called... when Jacob died. I called her from the hospital. Actually I hadn't had much contact with her over the past couple of years. Not that we drifted apart, but our lives just pulled us in different directions. We were still just as good friends as ever. But I called her about 1am and she got to the hospital in less than half an hour. And she was there for me from then on, for every little insignificant thing I needed."

My mind wondered slightly back to when I had met her.

"That's what makes a friend." Edward interrupted my reverie.

"She truly is a friend. I would give both my arms to help her...if she ever needed."

"Nahh... I'm sure it won't come to that." He grabbed the edge of my hammock and gave me a gentle push. The breeze was soft as it feathered past my bare legs. The temperature had dropped to comfortable and not frying your skin.

"Thanks. No, she never seems to need me the same way I need her. She's very self sufficient." Alice would never end up like a co-dependent wreck like me. She was too strong for that.

"You're self sufficient. You're here all by your self." He pointed out.

"I'm not... I'm a coward. I ran away because I couldn't hack it at home anymore." I admitted sheepishly.

"I think what you're doing is brave. You're trying to take care of yourself, that's so much better than just sitting at home going to pieces." Edward smiled knowingly. He would know I was sure; he had lost so much more than me. He had lost his entire family.

"Oh." I muttered and frowned. This was a surprise. He thought I was brave, that was the very least thing I was. I was spineless.

"You are. It takes guts to rip free off your home and leave it all behind."

"Is that what you did? Did you leave it all behind?" I narrowed my eyes as I sat up in my hammock. I wanted a better view when I asked the question. He hadn't given much information to why _he_ was here, also alone.

"No... it's recreational." His smile didn't touch his eyes. "Besides we were talking about you, not me."

"We're always talking about me. Fact is the world doesn't revolve around me."

"Sure it does... here anyway." He shrugged and I figured now wasn't the time to start an inquisition. I had more than enough of an emotional rollercoaster to rock my boat today. So I let it be, though deep down in my belly I didn't believe him. There was something beneath that beautiful exterior – something dark and haunting.

I lay back in my hammock again. For now he was right. In our tranquil world here everything did revolve around what I did. I was trying to find a new way to be, a Bella that would survive this and hopefully come out on the other side holding her own.

It was almost completely quiet; the only sound was a slight breeze gently ruffling the leaves of the palm trees. Calm rolled over me and all of a sudden I felt exhausted from my emotional breakdown. I had been through the entire spectra of what I had and hadn't felt in the past year. My swollen puffy eyes proved that. Even though I felt liberated and light, my eyelids were getting too heavy and I let the unconsciousness sneak in and I surrendered.

An oddly realistic dream snug into my unconsciousness, strange because it was _real!_ I hadn't dreamed of old times since before Jacob died. Every dream I had since then, had been of Jacob, us, and I forcefully made myself wake up when it happened. This one was different though, it was about Alice.

**Flash**

_I got to class__. Half the seats were already filled, but there were still places to choose from. A girl with dark spiky hair looked up from her doodling. Her face was friendly, but strong, eyes wide in her elfin-like face. She looked like the kind of person you didn't want to mess with, but not in an I'm-so-tough kinda way. She smiled marginally, though her eyes shimmered large and honest. I sat down next to her. I missed having friends so much; I was so desperate that I would go for anyone. It was awful to be so lonely in a place with this many people. But most of the students here were people I didn't relate to… at all. I was just too different. I didn't fit in, at least not with them._

"_Hi." The girl said and continued to doodle perfectly formed circles, one after the other. _

"_Hi." I muttered and swallowed hard. Maybe I should try to be the instigator in the meeting new people scenario. I couldn't hurt to introduce myself, it was even considered polite in most of the western civilization. So, for me, I did that uncharacteristic gesture. "I'm Bella… I'm fairly new here." I looked at her with big terrified eyes and held out my hand. To my relief she took my hand and locked her thin fingers around mine._

"_I'm Alice and welcome." She smiled generously and sincerely._

"_Thanks." I felt a pang of relief and managed to return her smile, even though I felt horribly awkward._

_The bell rang.__ I picked up my book and placed it on the table in front of me. I wondered if I should say any else, comment on her clothes, something, but thinking about it I came up empty. I felt the silence growing long and strained. I wanted to speak to her._

_Our__ teacher entered the room, he was holding a bundle of what I assumed was marked papers. He gave them to a girl in the front row, and the other students started roaming through them to find theirs. The paper gave a very mixed response from the crowd of students. Some cheered, some moaned and others were clapping. The papers were definitely graded assignments. There was none for me - this was my first week here._

"_Let me know if you need any help." The girl next to me interrupted my train of thoughts. _

"_Thanks, I will." I was surprised by her obvious invitation to help. That hadn't happened since I arrived. Everyone else seemed busy and occupied by their different little clique. I was the new girl and no room for newcomers._

"_Don't let them get you down. They feed off that." The dark haired girl rolled her eyes and smiled again._

"_I'll try not to." My eyes wandered to the other students that seem to have formed groups of 4 or 5 fuming over the marked papers. A girl with perfectly straightened long blond hair gave me a long mean glare, just before she turned her head facing her group again. "So where do you belong?" I asked tentatively._

_The girl next to me snickered. "Around. I'm not a fixed factor in any of these vicious vixens little societies." The sarcasm was thick in her voice. "I hold my own here." _

"_Impressive." I murmured and pursed my lips. I wondered how long I would last without a harbor for safety._

"_Not really, you just need to learn how to keep your head above the water."_

_Our teacher's voice thundered over the class, calling it to order. The students loudly moved into place, and slowly silence took over._

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_I didn't hurry for lunch. I didn't particularly look forward to sharing it with… well no one. I was the only one left in the locker room__ after gym. A subject that should be illegal, but unfortunately it was my personal hell and mandatory for all four years. I heard a muffled sound of someone going through a bag and cussing under her breath. Guess I wasn't alone after all. The sound came from the row behind me. I stayed still waiting for her to finish and leave._

"_You can borrow mine." A feminine voice sounded, it was familiar and sympathetic._

"_Whatever." Another person hissed frost__ily._

"_How long are you going to be like this?" The distinctive female voice asked. I listened attentively trying to place where I knew her from, when it hit me. It was the girl I sat next to in math._

"_Not long… just about… well forever." The other person countered cold and acidic. A small chill crept down my spine and I got the pronounced feeling this was personal. I didn't want to intrude and definitely not make my presence known. Arriving from a small town like Forks was bad enough, being labeled an eavesdropper would only add to the revulsion towards me._

"_Lauren… it doesn't have to be like this." The familiar voice sighed. She wasn't begging, more stating a fact._

"_Well… I say it does. So there!" It was quiet for a fraction of a second, then the sound of the bag being searched increased - more irritated._

"_Well it doesn't have to and I'll be here if you change your mind... oh for God sake just use mine." _

"_Well not the way I want you to… are you?" The unfamiliar voice accused. "And it's not like I was in it alone." The searching sound stopped and changed to what sounded like someone violently yanking a brush through wet hair. Oh hell…this was private, very private. I, sure as hell, wasn't getting in the middle of this. I swallowed confusingly while I searched for an escape route._

"_I'm sorry about that…I didn't mean for it to go that far." The girl from math sighed again – Alice._

"_Well it did… but I guess you're sorry about that now too?" The unfamiliar voice sounded a little less icy this time, almost caring, but not quite._

"_Well no… actually. I just don't know…" The person hesitated, then stopped and let out a big gush of air._

"_I saw you eyeing the new girl today… the one from Forks or where ever the hell she's from." The voice was colder again. I stopped breathing. Crap, oh crap. I squeezed my eyes shut hard. How did I end up in the middle of this? Man this day sucked. I exhaled slowly and as quietly as possible._

"_Are you serious…? I was being nice and she's new!" Alice thrilled angrily._

"_Well aren't you just a nice person, all __free-spirited__ and __friendly__." She mocked._

_I jumped slightly at what sounded like a body being pushed against the lockers.__ The collision rang out loud. This was getting worse. I had gone from being the new girl to being the friendly lesbo in what? Two seconds. This was not fair; I had nothing to do with this. I seriously considered making my presence known. This __Lauren__ was attacking me for no good reason, other than what seemed to be a fit of jealousy. Cowardly, I decided to stay put._

_It was so quiet that I could hear them breathing heavily behind the lockers. "Kiss me." The words tolled gritty, desperate and pleading from one of the girls. I was sure it wasn't Alice._

"_No… Lauren… we need to stop this. __I __need to stop this." Someone exhaled roughly. "It's not who I am…I don't know what I am." Alice muttered almost inaudible, barely directed at anyone but her self it seemed. It was quiet for a few seconds, then heals clicked against the tiles of the locker room._

"_Don't go! I'm sorry, please." Lauren begged, a little whiny for my taste._

_I stood completely __frozen in place by the incident. I waited for the last girl to leave, so I could make my exit, preferably unnoticed. Minutes ticked by._

"_If you breathe a word of this to anybody…" Lauren's voice was colder than ice and muffled by her clenched jaw as she threaded me. I jumped and squealed shortly. I was shocked and busted. One, she scared the shit out of me. Two, I was startled. Three, I was dumbfounded by who this Lauren was! I knew her. Well, I didn't know her per say, but I had seen her around school. She was __the__ cheerleader, social chair, and all the other things that mattered when applying for college. I had seen her socializing with the boys, only the popular ones. She was everywhere. I guess she really was _everywhere_._

_I just stood there, with my mouth hanging open as I watched her pass the row of lockers toward the bathroom._

_I never told anyone__ what I heard. It was none of my business. But if she ever messed with me – I had her and she knew it._

_I hurried,__ threw my gym clothes in the hamper and stuffed my personal belongings in my bag. I left as quickly as possible, not completely unnoticed - unfortunately._

A faint ray of sunshine tickling my eyes woke me and I stretched feeling oddly rested. It suddenly dawned on me where I was. I was still in my hammock on my front porch. I glanced around, and everything was painted in gray subtle hues, the way they were just before the sun rose from behind the horizon. It had to be very early.

My eye caught a slight movement not far from me when it crashed down on me, I wasn't alone. Edward had fallen asleep too and he was still under. I waited for the awkward moment to arrive and let it have the better of me, but it didn't. Could Edward be the reason I had slept so peaceful and dreamed something I could handle, something nice even? Maybe not _nice_. The incident with Lauren and Alice in the locker room wasn't exactly what I would call nice, but it wasn't horrible after all. It wasn't a nightmare sucking the marrow from my bones. Time had made the memory more subtle and insignificant. I had dreamed something that didn't actually cause me physical pain, just brought some long forgotten details about my friend to the surface.

I secretly wished for more time with Edward, so I kept quiet and lay motionless in my hammock. I enjoyed this private time with him, even though he was asleep. I kept my eyes on him; he looked so peaceful and so content. His lips were slightly parted, but they looked so soft and tender and I had a strange longing to trace the pads of my fingers across them. His hair was an even bigger chaos around his head than normally, but somehow it made me smile, it was so him. It definitely had its charm, thus the unnatural black color. I studied his fingers, long and elegant, his right hand had dark traces around the thumb and index finger - surely from his pens when he drew. I couldn't help feeling happy he was still here with me; he hadn't run off during the night.

I thought of Alice again, about how she had been my rock through all of this. She knew what to say and when to say it. I had spent as much time with her as possible, often staying over at her apartment when things had gotten to be too much. If I stayed at home I ended up calling her anyway, begging her to come over and every time she happily showed up at my door step holding an overnight bag. She knew I had problems staying in what had been my home with Jacob. Sometimes it felt haunted, it was like I could feel Jacob in everything. Everywhere I turned, there he was. It was creeping me out and I knew it wasn't normal. I suspected Alice knew this all too well and faithfully came over and protected me from going insane. I had a lifetime of gratitude for her friendship.

I glanced at peaceful sleeping Edward again. I had a lifetime of gratitude for him as well. In such a short time, he had become someone I couldn't live without.

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**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Please leave me a comment below. Help make me be a better writer**

**On a different note; if any of you are interested in an original story, check out my blog on my profile. I have been working on that story for a while and it is very close to my heart.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A ****very special thanks to Verucasin, my lovely beta. Remember to check out her stories: Mafia Princess and Isabella Swan. **

**AN:**

**This chapter has been kicking my ass and giving me a fucking headache; I have written, rewritten, dissected and deleted some parts several times. I hope it is the best it can be now. **

**Edward had broken through to Bella's pain, but what is he hiding underneath all the hunky eye candy that he is?**

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**Chapter Seven**

"Ah man...I must have fallen asleep." Edward's voice rang out thick and disorientated. He stretched his curled up legs that had to be sore from lying crumbled all night in my hammock. His beautiful eyes were puffy as he rubbed them with the heel of his palms. I studied all these small wake up rituals with an unhealthy attention.

"That makes two of us." I chuckled lightly at his obvious surprise.

"How long have you been awake?" He asked while he started to sit up. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to tame it into some semblance of order. No such luck, but it looked oddly styled and totally him, except for the unsettling black color.

"About an hour, maybe less?" I shrugged.

"You should have woken me up... now I'm just the creepy guy who sleeps on your front porch." He stared at me warily for a moment.

"I promise I won't tell anyone." I smiled.

"You're in a good mood." He stretched across the small opening between us and surprisingly tamed a few hairs running astray in the soft breeze.

"I am. Creepy sleeping guys do that do me." I tried keeping the conversation light and avert my focus so I wouldn't lean my cheek into his hand. Things had changed between us. I just wasn't sure Edward was aware of how much it had changed for me.

He got to his feet and took one small step that placed him flush against my hammock. He leaned over me, his sleep affected eyes smoldering. "We blew past the first night together quite smoothly, don't you think?" He flashed a crooked smile and kept his eyes locked on mine. I wasn't sure I found the joke funny, but I was completely taken by that crooked grin. It made him... irresistible. Though the insinuation of sex was clear in his words and I would be lying through my teeth, if I said I hadn't though about his lips or that gorgeous body. But a world of physical contact was a world that was dead to me.

"Yeah, guess this takes care of it." I agreed a little too late.

He made a face and let go of my hammock. "Maybe I should go?" He mouthed, his eyes clouding with sadness. His face shifted endlessly dark and I instantly wanted to erase his troubles.

"No, stay." The words flew out of my mouth with the speed of lightning. It sounded hopelessly desperate, but I _was_ frantic to make him stay with me.

"I'll stay." He spoke slowly, like he tasted my mood. He bent over me again and lightly brushed his fingers down my cheek. "You'll be fine Bella. I promise." His eyes were infinitely loving and soft like green moss. "Just give it some time, I swear." He brushed his fingers down my cheek again and feathered his thumb across my bottom lip. My body reacted slightly and it tingled the tiniest bit in the pit of my stomach.

I lay frozen staring at him. How was it he could peer into my soul with those green stunning eyes? I felt like I was stuck under a microscope, studied and being pulled apart. But the strange thing was I didn't mind it one bit when it was Edward doing all the prodding. But for the life of me, I didn't understand why he insisted on hanging around me and my insufferable mood, my aching pain. In addition there was the inescapable fact that he was so beautiful and I was nothing but an average bland girl with a broken heart. It just didn't make sense to me.

I reached up and tentatively laced my fingers into his hair. I was surprised the texture was so soft and complacent as I curled my fingers into it. "What is your natural hair color?" I murmured under my breath.

He smiled. "An odd reddish brown." He answered softly. I rolled a chunk of it between my thumb and pointer finger, the strands grinding the pads of my fingers. I could see that. I closed my eyes for a second imagining the compliment it would make to his fluent, but fairly pale skin and stunning eyes. It could only be perfect, but oddly familiar somehow.

We decided that it was probably best to change clothes before going to breakfast. We thought it might look suspicious showing up for breakfast in the same clothes we had worn the day before. I was still in my bikini and swim shorts and Edward wore his trunks from swimming.

"Shit, I'm so hungry." Those were his only words as he greeted me with a smile. I was waiting for him at my front porch, after having taken a shower faster than a speeding bullet and thrown my hair into a sloppy ponytail.

"I guess we did skip both lunch and dinner yesterday." I added cheerfully, skipping down the steps.

"Yeah, I guess we did. That's the reason why I'm so famished... I can't remember the last time I was this hungry." He said rubbing his stomach. My mind flickered to a time not so long ago, when I couldn't remember what it felt like to be hungry. We raced quickly to the main building. I noticed my beaten competitors on one of the porches on the back row of bungalows. I was gleeful when they spotted us passing.

The food was good and I concluded I was almost as hungry as Edward, because I ate just about as much as he did. It was quiet while we ate and just the sound of forks scraping plates as we filled our stomachs. Today he didn't order breakfast for me, even though I had the same as yesterday and the day before that. I was a creature of habit as he put it.

"I'm sorry, I wish I was better company." I bit down on my lip, denting into the flesh of my lip hard. I placed the fork back at the side of the plate.

"Please Bella. Please stop worrying about what I think or what kind of company you are. If I didn't want to be here with you I would just leave. Remember that, okay?" He took my hand across the table and laced his fingers into mine. He gazed at me with those blazing green eyes, staring directly into my soul the way only he could. I simply nodded in response, but I felt a thick obstruction in my throat. He was so sincere and warm. He gave me strength to survive. He was becoming someone I refused to be without.

Another day passed where we did just about nothing. It was comfortable being with someone and not having the need to fill the silence with inane chatter. He sketched and I read. When the heat became too unbearable we swam. It was simple and comfortable.

Some say it is the small things that count. If that was so, everything about Edward mattered. It was about all those small things with him. The way he looked at me, the way he was aware of my every need. He seemed to move closer by the hour by freeing a strand of stay hairs from the corner of my mouth or taking my hand when he said I looked sad. It was all those small things that were at the center of our world now. It was, I suspected, his feelings for me seeing the light of day.

But I wasn't sure how I felt about our physical boundaries being broken down. Slowly and steadily we moved closer. I was unsure if I should shy away form his gentle physical approach or if I should embrace it. It felt so good to be comforted by him taking my hand or stroking my cheek, the problem was I was just so unused to it. In general since Jacob had died I had done everything humanly possible to avoid human contact, except from Alice, and on a few occasions Sheryl. But Edward was breaking down all my boundaries and he had a profound way of settling my uneasy panic. It was my fear that faded away a little more every time he was close to me. His entire person radiated an aura of safety. I felt protected for the first time since Jacob. I felt safe with Edward.

Other times there was something underneath his exterior. He had a facade I knew that, just not around me. Not that he was fake, just trained. He was good at it; it was very rehearsed and 'built in' to his every word and move. He was guarded, but it seemed to me like a learned skill, rather than he had been born with it.

Edward's feet were placed on the small coffee table and he kept gazing overtop his sketchpad and our eyes locked repeatedly. I couldn't stop smiling and he did to. I couldn't see his entire face, but the lines around his eyes changed every time our eyes met. I wasn't sure what he was up to behind the large curse sheet of paper, but I didn't like it. It was an uneasy feeling not knowing what the hell was on that paper and in those playful eyes.

A sharp shrill of a cell phone ripped me back to reality. Edward leaned back and snatched it from his pocket and studied the display for a long moment. The small piece of technology reminded me there was an entire world out there we were purposefully ignoring. He sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair.

The sketch pad landed on the table with a dull thud and Edward stretched out of the chair. He averted his eyes from me and vanished into his hut. Just before the door closed I heard his voice. "Jenks, any news?"

I tried not to listen to his muffled voice, but I couldn't help it. The words were slurred, but his tenor grew louder and more agitated.

I swung my feet over the edge and the rough planks of the porch grinded against my soles. I left my book beside the latest of Edward's drawings. I stared stunned at the woman on the page. She was clear and perfect, her hair soft around her face. Her eyes were large, dark and tender. Her chin a little pointy, lips uneven in fullness, slight freckles were scattered across her nose. I inclined my head when I realized she looked like me. Perhaps it was me, but I certainly didn't see this face when I looked in the mirror. But was this how Edward saw me? My eyes welled with tears. I was beautiful to him, if this was how he saw me.

I suddenly picked out a long range of profanities coming from inside Edward's hut. I wasn't sure why I did what I did next. I opened the door to his hut without another thought. But with a flick of his wrist and a toss of his arm he hurled a small black device at me. I ducked and screamed as it crashed into the wall just next to where my head had been. I paddled free of my hair and glanced at his face; it had declined into the darkness it had seen before, but now it was deeper than I had seen it. It was that pain that I had no way to decipher. It scared me as it was as unpredictable as where a lightning would strike earth.

"Fucking hell Bella!" He mouthed, gaping.

I just stood frozen in the opening with more tears welling in my eyes. Before me stood a person I didn't recognize. I was distraught. I didn't know what to do. Now that I was inside his place, I couldn't remember the reason I had entered in the first place. But looking at him right this moment, the question of whether he saw me the way he drew me wasn't that important anymore.

He was breathing heavily, heaving air in like a maniac, those dark and endless eyes locking me in place.

Tears fell when I ducked down and started to pick up the scattered pieces of cell phone at my feet. It had dissolved into surprisingly few pieces. "Don't fucking do that Bella!" He snarled. I hesitated slightly, but slipped the SIM card back in and snapped the back cover in place. I handed it to him patiently, when he didn't move. I couldn't read his mood, but his eyes were mournful now. "I didn't mean to throw it at you. Bella I'm so sorry." He implored, ignoring the phone.

"Please take it Edward." I said softly. My heart worked like a jackhammer in my chest, but I wasn't scared for some reason. Edward didn't scare me. I had experience handling these kinds of temper tantrums, Jacob hadn't been a stranger to them. It was easiest to be docile and rather submissive till the storm settled.

"Forgive me please. I never meant to hurt you."

"Just take it." I gave the phone a small shake, but he still didn't take it. I tossed it to chair next to me, I just wanted to rid myself of it. He stepped me closer and I stepped backwards woodenly.

"Please don't leave!" He implored. I nodded stiffly, still a bit shocked. "Stay with me please. I beg you."

"Okay." I whispered. I didn't recoil when he stepped forward again. His arms locked around me, pressing my face against his chest. I inhaled deeply and with the insane state I was in, I never felt safer. He had a warm and sweet smell mixed in with some body product, the kind that was subtle and expensive.

"Forgive me." He whispered. I freed my face from his shirt and gaze up at him; his eyes were gentle, but scared.

"Tell me what's wrong." I breathed.

His head dropped and his forehead touched mine. His entire body slumped and he stood there like a broken statue, hovering above me. I watched his face intently as the walls protecting his pain smoldered and faded away. The lines of his entire being were tainted with agony. Unknowingly I had opened a floodgate and I was stuck in the riptide with no escape. I wanted to be strong for him, as he had been for me, but my shoulders weren't broad enough to carry what ever was causing him this much misery.

"It seems that you don't know anything, and I _do not_ mean that in a condescending way." His words were emphasized and his eyes were soft. I tried to blink the confusion from my eyes. "But you're right and there is… something, obviously." He joked flatly, then hesitated, not entirely oblivious to my confusion. "Something happened… a while ago, not something that I regret. But it has come back to haunt me in a way I never dreamed of, and now it just escalated again. I can't tell you about it for two reasons. One, it hurts so fucking much. Two, I'm not allowed to, at least not yet." He spoke clearly and deliberately, like he was explaining this to a kindergartener. Not that it mattered; I didn't understand a word of it anyway. "What happened is something that hurts me to the core of my being, and can never be taken back. It makes me a monster Bella." His eyes were burning into mine. I had to concentrate to even breathe. I swallowed back hard to speak.

"And you can't change this? What ever it is?" I breathed.

"It's out of my hands, so no. There is no way." He sighed and his eyes still blazed so close to mine.

"I'm so sorry." This revelation of whatever truth it was was so excruciatingly heavy, that I almost gladly returned to my own shell of horror at any time.

"You're not going to ask what it is?" His eyes narrowed with disbelief. It was like he was looking for some kind of conspiracy in me.

"No." No I answered confidently. "You said you couldn't tell me. I figure that you'll tell me someday… when you can or if you want." I returned his hard glare with a much honesty I could muster. A big gush of air whooshed from of his chest and feathered across my face. He relaxed and heaved in another deep breath. It looked like this secret was able to crush his entire existence and he was guarding it with his life.

A million emotions were sent flying around my body - like the butterflies had multiplied many times and they escaped their cage in my stomach from the unexpected closeness. I slowly put my arms around his chest, feeling the warmth from his body through his shirt. My hands carefully moved across his back feeling the contours as I tightened my grip around his body. I stood there in his arms, lost in time, letting go of a piece of my personal pain. I literally felt the healing in my heart, but I also felt something else. Something I had buried deep within me, it stirred relentlessly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered quietly into my hair when he dipped his face lower, burrowing into my hair.

"It's okay. For a minute there, you looked like you were going to take my head off." I mumbled.

"I'm so sorry. I'll tell you as soon as I can... I promise." Edward's lips were close to my ear, so intimate. I felt a slight chill at the back of my neck. "Please forgive me." The words rang out with a meaning that ran deeper than the current revelation.

I hoped I was able to comfort him the same way he had me, but my attempt felt feeble and insufficient compared to his. He probably wouldn't use me the same way I had used him. Not that I had much to offer anyway, but I had to try. I wanted to comfort him and I wished he would let me. Maybe it would let my life hold some kind of value again, to be something to someone else.

Time stopped. Our bodies were flush against each others, his pulsating against mine. Delicately he drew his fingers into my hair. Goosebumps raised on my flesh sending warm sparks down my spine. Our cheeks met when Edward pulled back slightly, but leaned his forehead against mine again.

I knew this moment, every girl who had ever been in love and kissed for the first time, knew this moment. It was the eerie calm before the storm; it was the seconds before our lips would meet. Tantalizing slow he moistened his lower lip and I had mere seconds to decide yes or no.

Half an inch before his lips were about to meet mine I opened my mouth. Every part of my body was screaming no, but I couldn't do this. No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how conflicted I was, I couldn't ignore the betrayal. If he did this it would be irrevocably.

"Please Edward. Don't do this." I whispered.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading this next chapter. Strangely stats are flying through the roof, but where are my comments. You are leaving me in the dark lovelies. Tell me what you think?**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A ****very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. She lets me bitch and moan and never complains, so thank you sweetheart.**

**Thank you to those of you who added me to your favorites and to those of you who commented. I hope to see your names below again for this chapter.**

**AN:**

**Things are growing more intense between Edward and Bella and more confusing than ever. There are consequences to every decision you make, but what are the right choices when they will lead you in very different directions?**

**Some of the chapter is inspired by my RL, yes it was fun and yes I want to do it again. **

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**Chapter Eight**

His hands were warm and persuasive as they roamed my body. I sighed content as it was like tasting food after starving. His touches soothed my pores like food would satisfy my taste buds.

Perhaps I _was_ starving, well at least my body was, it was clear from reacting so strongly to being touched. I wanted it, I needed to consume it, devour and gobble every small particle of the awoken feeling sizzling inside of me.

It was all a blur but I knew I was whimpering, moaning and squirming beneath him. I had completely forgotten how it felt to be intimate, how powerful an aphrodisiac physical contact was.

I woke with my pulse jack hammering in my temples and my breath rushing from my chest. My fingers tingled, come to think of it, every cell in my body tingled. I glanced to the side disoriented. Where was he?

My mind traveled to my dream again and agony washed over me. He wasn't here and he never would be. Jacob was gone – for good. Never again would those strong hands make my body tingle and my blood rush when he caressed my body or his mouth dance with my mouth.

I sighed at the verge of tears and closed my eyes. Through the agony I felt the pressure in my body and the need for release. It had been so long since I had felt any kind of hormonal induced desire, but it was here now, so why not take advantage and hope it would soothe my depression. I slipped my hand down my panties to acquaint myself with a long lost friend. I never used to get myself off a lot in the past, but it did happen on occasion. My panties were soaked as I started rubbing. I didn't feel the familiar tension building and I couldn't seem to get into it so I gave up before really trying. My mind wouldn't stop circling around the dream, something was off about it.

I wiped my hand on the sheets, curling my fingers around the fabric as I gave up on my attempt of a self-induced orgasm. Instead I focused on the dream. I needed to know where the warning was tolling it bells. The face was all blurry, but the touching welcome and enticing. His hands were familiar, fingers long and elegant, but far from the dark russet hues of Jacobs hands. Jake's skin was dark and tanned, these were pale.

I yelped and tumbled off the bed. Holy fucking shit! It was Edward's hands I had dreamed that roamed the length of me. I heaved in an erratic breath and my chest pounded. Every single nerve was standing on end and still screaming for the attention. I braced myself against my knees and I tried to reason this down to an errand thought, but if I had to be honest I damn well knew I was attracted to Edward. I was desperately in need of a good old fashioned roll in the hay, fuck your brains out, screaming out your orgasm kinda lay. Every tingling sensation in my body told me just that. I was screwed, well not literally.

I peaked thought the curtain seeing the faint glow of light from Edward's place. I hadn't stayed long after his mental breakdown. I had excused myself with a need to be alone for a while and he understood and apologized again with a wounded look on his face. I hadn't resurfaced for dinner and I wasn't sure if Edward had expected me to. Knowing him this far, he probably had. I felt guilty. He had begged me to stay and at first chance I ran for the hills. What a friend I was.

I slipped on a pair of cotton short and a black singlet over my torso. I didn't bother with anything else.

I wasn't sure it was wise going to his place this late and in my hormonal state, but I wanted to make sure he was alright. He had been there for me and I would be there for him. I would allow my life to have the value of being his friend when he needed it. The big dark haunting secret of his, what ever it was, didn't matter between us. _We_ mattered and the bond we seemed to have and not some indifferent mistake he had made. I glanced at the clock; it was just after 2pm.

The sand was nice and cool and I hadn't bothered with my flip flops. I refused to let myself drown or wallow in confusion over my dream, and just go be the friend he needed.

I gave a small tentative knock on his door. I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep and just had the lights on. A faint hint of music and muffled sounds of footsteps filtered from inside. Light streamed brightly from the door when Edward opened, he leaned against the frame, gazing down at me seriously.

My heart got stuck in my throat and I just stared like a simpleton. In just a few hours I had completely forgotten how strikingly beautiful he was. Or perhaps it was a result of the sexual dream that was messing with my mind. I allowed myself a moment to indulge and ogle rudely at him. His face was sad, but soft and understanding. He wasn't wearing anything but a pair of shorts slung low on his hips.

I found my lips to speak before the moment would get anymore embarrassing. "Can I come in?" I asked softly.

"Sure." He answered quietly and pushed the door open wider. I ducked under his arm and his smell wafted past my nose and jumbling my thoughts even more. I needed to keep a straight mind if this late night call wouldn't end where my dream had stopped. I was nowhere near ready for that, if I would ever be. Sure, my body might want it, but that by no means meant my mind and soul would give into that. There were consequences, betrayal and hurt linked to ending up naked with Edward. I couldn't do that to Jacob.

"I wasn't sure I would see you again." He said quietly and glanced down at his feet. He leaned back against the closed door, folding his arms across his chest.

Soft classical music filled the room and I looked into the adjacent room where a computer was supplying the gentle tones. It was soothing and yet haunting, this was one I knew. Beside it were his journal and papers scattered across the table.

"I'm sorry I ran. I just needed a moment to adjust." I hesitated. "What ever happened to you doesn't matter Edward. You taught me I can't keep living in the past, so now I'm telling you the very same thing."

"It's not the past Bella." He murmured.

"Well what ever it is, it doesn't matter."

He cocked a brow at me, almost daring. "It will." Were his only words.

I decided to stop the depressing bantering for now and do what I came here for. Moral support. I threw another glance at the computer intrigued by the music. "Clair de Lune?"

He gaped at me. "You know it?"

I nodded. I was basically the only piece of classical music I did know. My mother used to play it. I liked it, though I had a tendency to never like anything she did just for kicks. "So you're into classical music?"

He smiled that crooked grin and I melted. "I'm into all kinds of music." He smirked.

"Do you play anything?"

"Piano."

"Well?"

He shrugged. "Some." His eyes were suddenly alive with humor. Oh he was so lying. I glanced down at his fingers. With his elegance I wouldn't be surprised if he had been a kick as talented pianist wonder child and a professional concert master on top of that. "I don't play much after Elizabeth died." He shoved away from the door, moving over to the screen.

I stared down at Itunes. I felt a little intrusive, but the list was impressive. "Can I look?"

"Sure." He packed away the papers and his journal. I didn't see much, but I recognized the name on the header of the legal paper. Jenks. It was the person he was on the phone with when all hell had broken loose.

I sat down and scrolled through the list. I would be lucky if I knew a tenth of the songs, and he was right, there were all kinds of genres on the list. I quickly gave up trying to find anything I was familiar with and just sat and listened to the gentle piano playing.

"So sketching, swimming and piano playing, Edward. Is there anything you don't do well?"

He laughed loudly and shook his head. "I'm sure my parents would be able to think of a few." My eyes widened at his cavalier mention of his parents and he saw it. "It's okay Bella, it's not going to hurt forever to mention Jacob's name. I can talk about my parents, just as if they were here."

I nodded woodenly, envy rising inside of me. It would take me years to be able to think of Jacob with such effortlessness.

"So what do you want to do?" He moved to the opposite side of the room, opening a small fridge.

"Oh god, you have a mini bar? I'm so jealous!" I blurted, sounding completely like a brain-dead teenager.

"And you don't?" He asked incredulous. I shook my head. "Well would you want something?"

"You got any alcohol in there?" He nodded amused. "Then please pour me something strong please." Getting smashed was a bad idea, but having something to dull my nerves and hormones was prime target. It felt strangely a little like my own self before Jacob, to not over think it, but just go with my gut - to have a little bit of free spirit. I was never a heavy drinker, but that didn't mean I never got trashed.

"Something strong?" He muttered under his breath and crouched down to survey the bar. He pulled out two bottles of clear fluids. Vodka. He emptied them into two glasses and diluted it only with a small squirt of orange juice, mainly giving a little color to the drink.

He handed me the glass and without thought I gulped it down in one long pull. He stared at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I managed through the burn of the vodka. This was seriously the cheap and local stuff. Nothing smooth or velvety about the taste, it went down like acid. But I suspected it would have the same effect as the expensive stuff, nonetheless. Just what I needed, a tranquilizer for my nerves.

Edward mirrored my technique and downed his, wincing slightly as he swallowed.

I glanced around his room, hoping I wasn't invading his space. The room was certainly nicer than mine. I sat down on his bed, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to throw in some random trivia just for the hell of it, but I wasn't completely comfortable with the silence either.

Edward seemed to pick up my apprehension, seeing right through me as usual. "Wanna do something?" He asked cautiously. I nodded in response. He picked up a deck of cards and opened the mini bar again.

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

I woke, instantly aware I was not alone, nor was I in my room. A warm breath kept feathering past my neck and his body was warm and comfortable around me. I glanced down and found Edward snuggled tightly into the crook of my neck. Further down, his hand had traveled under my shirt and resting at my ribs. The whole intimacy of the situation had me baffled, as the fact I wasn't exactly wearing a bra. I hadn't bothered putting one on after my nightmare. I tilted my head and saw the multitude of bottles scattered on the floor mixed in with the deck of cards. The empty bottles would definitely explain the slight throb in my head. I hadn't been inebriated or anything, but I was a cheap drunk not having touched a drop for at least a year. It would have been so easy to turn to alcohol to numb the pain when losing Jacob, but in advance I figured that all together was just a bad idea.

Edward had taught me to play casino, showing me how to add the numbers, and stack the pairs. I wasn't horrible at it, but not great either. It was like everything else in life, I was just average. There was nothing in particular where I excelled, no place where I stood out and shined. Everything about me was just plain and simply average.

We had chatted a little, joked and laughed every time I forgot the ten of diamonds were the highest ranking number in the game. Edward joked if it was a drinking game I would be hammered. It was peculiar how neither of us really went for the kill and asked personal questions, but that was where it was so easy to be with Edward. He wasn't disinterested in me, but just skating around the edges of what I didn't want to talk about and instead asking me about my favorite color, music I liked, best holiday, that sort of stuff. I knew he didn't want to elaborate on his part either. It was like a silent agreement between us, but I had a sneaky suspicion it was all linked to his secret.

During the night several moments of pre-kissing silences had arisen, but Edward hadn't acted on a single one of them. But how we had come to snuggle and cuddle like this was beyond me. It was clear as day to me the attraction between us was palpable, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to avoid it or even if I did want to avoid it. However I was sure I could never act on it. I knew Edward was attracted to me, but I wasn't sure he knew it was reciprocated.

I tried to untangle myself from his body, but his head snapped up as he drew a sharp breath. His hair was a disheveled mess as he stared down at me with confused striking green eyes. It made my heart rate spike just by gazing back at him. He seemed to remember his hand and withdrew it from underneath my shirt with a grumpy look on his face and an apology. I shrugged it off, simply for the reason of having no clue what to say about it.

"I made some plans for us today... I hope that's okay. I wasn't sure how mad you were at me so I wanted to make it up to you. Apologize for my irrational behavior yesterday." He sent a shy crooked smile, he was up to something. My body had just stopped aching from our last excursion when swimming around the cliffs. His rather playful smile made me worry a little bit tough.

"What are you up to?" I asked and narrowed my eyes. "Does it have something to do with swimming?"

He was such a strong swimmer - that had been firmly established a few days ago. And I was... not so strong.

"Some." He grinned. Oh great water was involved. I sighed. "Don't worry, it won't be like last time. I swear. I'm not trying to kill you." He put his hand on my shoulder, giving me a little squeeze. I enjoyed these small sentiments, but I knew it wasn't smart; it would only lead to trouble. No matter how good I was feeling these days, I was still broken goods and had a lot of baggage. But Edward knew all this and it was still his decision to spend his time with me. As he had put it, he would leave if he didn't enjoy my company.

"I don't mind being... active. I like that you don't treat me like... like I'm going to break at any moment." I met his eyes.

"Because you won't."

"You don't know that." I challenged, cocking a brow at him.

"Sure I do. If you're going to break, you would have done it by now." He shrugged. "You better get a solid breakfast... you'll need it." He promised.

"Don't I always?" I smirked, thinking how I had eaten like a horse since I had meet Edward

"You do."

"So what are we doing?" I was curious to what I needed a large breakfast for. But also excited at it appeared that we were doing something physical.

"Snorkeling. I know you're not afraid of deep water and we don't have to swim far so I figured it would be fun." He looked pleased at his little surprise. I just smiled; this was going to be fun.

I waited for Edward at Mr. Twong's old truck, with a small back of necessities as he had instructed me to pack. I had been famished when I sat down at the table, but another overload of food had cured that small predicament.

Edward jumped the boot of the truck and landed in front of me with a loud metallic bang. "You ready?" His excitement was poorly concealed. Was it me or was it the trip that did this to him? I wanted to put my money on the excursion, but I was afraid that would be a mistake.

Mr. Twong handed Edward a bag and a parcel when he got to the truck and was followed by an unknown fourth party. The man was fair skinned compared Mr. Twong, but he was introduced as his son. They looked nothing alike.

Mr Twong slammed the engine into gear while I climbed up and settled next to Edward. We drove for about twenty minutes as far as I could tell. We more or less just went around the small piece of jungle to the next cove where there was a small semblance of a town. Mr. Twong took us behind the local houses placed on pillars. He spoke shortly to a very dark and rugged featured Thai man. Apparently he was going to be our captain.

"He will take you to cliffs and another place you want to go. But he doesn't speak English, so you speak with hands... okay?" Mr. Twong nodded encouragingly.

"Okay." Edward seemed absolutely fine by this. I, on the other hand was a little bit more apprehensive about this fact. What if we needed help?

"I'll be back in 5 hours to pick you up... you good?" Mr. Twong spoke English well, but he had a funny accent.

"All good." Edward retorted. He was already mounting the boat we had been taken to. I stared at the thing, not convinced it was able to keep the water out. It was a long wooden thing, and it looked like it had been built before World War II had set in. "It's okay, jump onboard." I felt Edward's enthusiasm was a little callus and stupid. There was no way this boat was taking us anywhere.

I hurled my bag over the side and climbed up, followed by the silent son. I sat down on one of the benches. I still questioned how far this vessel was able to take us, but I was proved wrong, very wrong. The captain, or what ever he was, slowly eased out between the pillars and turned the boat around. As soon as we were clear of the houses, the engine roared to life and we took off flying over the water. It was impossible to talk over the noise from the engine, so we sat in silence, well not silence exactly.

"So what did Mr. Twong give you?" I was finally able to speak after the boat came to a halt. We had stopped at a cluster of lime stone cliff that rose high above the water, in a very dramatic way.

"Equipment and food. Mr. Twong got it." He held up the bag and pointed to the parcel he had placed underneath the bench in as much shade as possible. He pulled out a pair of goggles and swim-feet all rapped in plastic. I was sure they were assigned for me.

"Mr Twong bought this for me?" I asked feeling guilty. They shouldn't spend money on me. I would make them put it on my bill for when I left. Leaving, the word suddenly sent an icy chill trough me. That was something that hadn't occurred to me would happen, and worse, when was Edward leaving? I had no idea. That was a subject that hadn't come up.

"He didn't. I did." Edward interrupted my internal distress.

"Oh... I'll pay you back." I was still affected by the new discovered fact that had snuck its way into my head. This would all end soon.

"That's okay." Edward started unpacking his own stuff from the bag he brought.

"No... really I will."

"I don't want you to." He stopped and stared at me, eyes swimming with emotion. He almost sounded insulted.

"Thanks." I muttered almost inaudible. My heart started sinking into my shoes. I pulled in a deep breath. I was ruining the mood and I wasn't going to sulk. I locked eyes with Edward who was just staring at me. I knew he felt something was off. I faked a smile and tried to continue, but I could shake the thought of him leaving from my mind. It was suddenly devastating and I couldn't bear it.

"So... how are we doing this?" I asked cheerfully, hoping to mask my despair.

"First you need to spit in these." He handed me the goggles.

"Spit?" I stared at him wide eyed.

"Yeah spit and then rub it on the glass, it will stop them from fogging up when we're in the water." I looked for signs that he was pulling a fast one on me. There was no sign, so I did what I was told. I spat in the goggles and started rubbing the saliva around the glass with my index finger. Edward watched me humorously while I acted out his request with some degree of disgust. He took the goggles from me and leaned over the side of the boat and rinsed them in the water. Then he attached the breathing piece to the elastic.

I sat silently watching as we worked smoothly with the gear, giving his goggles the same treatment as I had given mine. I started biting down on my lip, while my hands started to fidget and tighten in a grip around the edge of the bench. I noticed my heart picking up speed, the rhythm increased. I pulled in a deep breath feeling desire rise inside of me again.

Edward leaned over the side again, dipping my swim-feet in the water. "Shorts or no shorts?" He asked softly.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the fogginess. "What?"

"You wanna swim with shorts or no shorts?" He exclaimed, smirking playfully. The undertone wasn't even subtle.

I felt like I was standing with a foot on two different continents and they had started to drift apart. I knew there were lines that needed to be drawn up and soon. I also knew I didn't know what continent to step to, when they had drifted too far apart for me to stand on both. I needed to make a decision about us and I knew I had the power to have it both ways, chose Edward or not chose him.

"Er... shorts." I was stuck. My body was doing things I had buried so long ago. I was not sure how to rail them in; it was the exact same tingling as last night. The need to be touched.

"Okay." Edward was on his knees in front of me. He softly put his hand on my calf, indicating for me to move my foot into the rubber shoe. His hand felt warm and strong as it guided my leg. He repeated the gesture with my other foot. I just sat perfectly still and let him. His touch sparkled a tingling sensation running all the way up to my thighs.

"Take your shirt off." He smirked again his eyes alit with humor. I slowly pulled my t-shirt over my head and literally felt like I was undressing for him and I wasn't ashamed to do it. I wanted to do it. I chewed my lip furiously.

He grabbed the goggles and reached behind my head pulling my hair through the elastic and placed the goggles on my forehead. All of this, he did so carefully while he stared deeply into my eyes as his turned deep, molten and endless. I worked to keep my breathing even and everything was about to ignite between us.

"You're all set." He softly ran his fingers along my jaw line. I knew he did that on purpose. He was testing how I would react. I didn't flinch. "Sit on the side of the boat." He ordered. I couldn't let go of his eyes, it was almost like I was set on fire.

I was woken from my eerie dream by the captain. He dropped something on the floor of the boat that landed with a loud bang. This time I flinched and lost my balance. I started wobbling and all indications pointed to the fact I was going over the side prematurely. Edward caught me by the shoulders. "Steady there. Wait for me please." He chuckled. He yanked his shirt off, revealing that goddamn gorgeous and toned stomach of his and put his own gear on. He sat down next to me. "Pull your goggles down, hold them to your face, and then just fall backwards."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He repeated and smiled.

We went in at the same time, him elegantly, me not so much. I imagined I looked like a fish flapping around on dry land.

The world we found beneath us was breathtaking. The fish were in every color imaginable. The lime stone cliffs were covered by corals in all shapes, colors and sizes. Underneath the surface was a truly a paradise hidden. We pretended to be part of it for a while.

I watched the captain with scrutinizing eyes. He was taking something from the engine apart and it looked like there was an opened spare container of gasoline or whatever this thing ran on beside him.

"Can I ask you something?" I didn't take my eyes off the captain. Our blind passenger sat stealthily beside him like a stone. He was so still I completely forgot that he was here.

"Sure."

"Is he supposed to be doing that? I mean... with a lit cigarette in his mouth?" The captain was hovering just above the open container.

"I'm sure he knows what he is doing." Edward laughed the contagious laugh and continued unwrapping the food. It still looked a little dangerous to me, like he was asking for having his head blown off.

The day had been perfect in almost every possible way, maybe except from the fact we might blow up in the next few minutes. Other than that... perfect. I still felt a little shook up from the spark between Edward and me before going into the water. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, but the fact was - as far as I knew - he was without ties and unbroken. I was both. I hadn't let go of Jacob and even though I was doing far better, I was still healing.

I thought for a moment, if this was a wise time for drawing up those lines. Maybe I should be sure what continent I would step to before I opened the subject. Edward handed me a sandwich. I absentmindedly took a bite and started chewing.

"Can I ask you something else?" My mouth blurted, before I deliberately had made the decision whether to go into it or not. It was like I was lacking the sensible brain to mouth filter.

"You can ask anything you want." He answered, but I knew that wasn't true by a long shot.

I took a deep breath. "How do you feel about me?" I asked directly. I caught him off guard, his mouth hanging open mid bite. He looked unready to answer, but he thought for a moment.

"Strongly." He answered soberly. He searched my face intensely for my response, but I let nothing slip. I wanted to know how he felt before I took another step.

"How strong?"

He sighed. "I'm not sure."

My heart jolted into overdrive at my next question. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, but I asked anyway. "Are you in love with me?" I worked like a maniac to keep my face even.

It looked like he stopped breathing for a while. "I could be. I think it's moving in that direction." I was struck by his honesty and the answer I didn't really want to know. "But that would be... complicated - for both of us." A pain flickered across his face, turning his face guarded the way I had seen it before. He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed carefully. "You see... things are not always how they seem. In this little bubble we have here, I might be falling in love with you. You might even have feelings for me. But in the outside word - the real world - I'm sure things would be set very differently." He looked at me, like he hoped I would understand. I blinked and understood just about nothing.

"I have another question." I bit my lip.

"Oh dear." He muttered. He smiled nervously and twitchy and took another bite.

"When are you leaving?" Now that we were on the heavier subjects, I might as well get this one squared away too.

"I don't know." His answer didn't exactly settle me, but it wasn't the kiss if death either. "You?" He countered.

"I don't know. No set date."

"So you're here indefinitely?"

"For the moment." That seemed to please him. It didn't look like he was running off any time soon either and I was safe just a little while longer. I wondered if he was getting ready to turn the guns on me and ask me how I felt about him. I would have no answer to give him. This was going to be difficult. What answer can you give, when you have none? I was so confused and didn't know up from down.

I wanted to break the silence, but I didn't know how. I had received the answers I didn't really want to hear and I had no idea what to say next. The sun was scorching down and the light was intense. It lit up all my indecision... making it impossible for me to hide them. We sat there on the boat, silently eating our food with a goddamn big pink elephant between us.

"I know you don't know how you feel about me and I don't expect you to. I know you are confused." His eyes narrowed in the sharp light, they were still obviously glorious intense green. I was sucked deep into them. "But I need for you to stop worrying, can you do that please? I'll take what I can get for now. Please stop worrying and just take care of yourself." He didn't interrogate me; instead he gave me the answers that evaded me. "Bella, don't think that you're the only one who benefits from this... friendship. Did you ever wonder that maybe I need you to?"

I was tongue tied and didn't answer. These words were the last ones spoken on the subject.

So much changed this afternoon and we had more or less declared ourselves. And where did that leave us? And more importantly what did that change? I didn't know that either, but an idea was bubbling inside of my head. It was reckless and stupid, I knew that, but I couldn't stop it from forming. It was like a new planet taking substance, materials gathering, swirling around each other, mashing into a solid form. The idea was born.

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**I truly hoped you enjoyed. And a small teaser for next time, things will get hot and sweaty. Take care**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A ****very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**Quite a few of you added me to your alerts, thank you. Now just have to figure out a way to get you to speak up in the comments below. Smashing my head against the table trying to figure out a way.**

**AN:**

**Okay, so I promised you hot and sweaty, but to be honest, I have no damn clue what the hell I'm doing. I have tried to go with my gut so we'll just have to see how that pans out. I'm testing my writing muscles as sex this explicit is not normally my style. But I think this chapter should be rated with a big fat fucking M. Well enjoy the action!**

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Chapter Nine**

I gently knocked on Edward's door, took a step back and waited. There was no sound, just an awful quietness. I looked around, did he leave? He wouldn't leave without telling me, would he? I knocked again, but there was still no sound. He definitely wasn't home and his porch was eerily empty. I felt my heart sink into my shoes, maybe yesterday's conversation had taken its toll anyway and he decided my company was getting too complicated.

Disappointment washed over me like a thick blanket of darkness. I would be right back at square one, and honestly I didn't want to be here with out him. I wanted his gentle hands and his crooked smile to comfort me. I was doing so much better with him here, he knew that. But I knew deep down I wasn't being fair to him. I didn't deserve to have him as my friend.

I had to admit, I wouldn't blame him if he had decided to leave this place and leave me. It was made pretty clear yesterday that I was unable to reciprocate whatever it was he was feeling. He had said so himself, he had told me he understood.

We had shared a quiet breakfast. It was like there weren't many things to be said after yesterday's declaration. The conversation had hammered the uncertainties into place, making the future completely unpredictable. I was saddened by the silence and chose to retrieve to my hut to read, but I had fallen asleep almost instantly and slept for most of the day.

I still had my stupid plan about what I wanted to happen between Edward and me in my head and I wasn't going to falter. I was just working up to it, but it seemed I wouldn't have a chance to put it into action now.

Panic struck and I started running towards the main building instead of my own place. I entered the hall and Mr. Twong smiled at me as I rushed through to the dining room. It was empty just as I expected. I continued to the TV room. A new old couple was sitting in the sofa watching the news. No sign of Edward.

I went back to the hall. "Ms. Bella, are you okay?" Mr. Twong's singing accent sounded from behind the reception counter. He looked at me surprised.

"Edward… I mean Mr. Cullen… did he leave?" I stammered. I was panting embarrassingly loud and I so needed to get in better shape. At least I wasn't drowning this time.

"No Ms. Bella. Mr. Cullen went into the city with my son. They left around noon."

"Oh." Relief ran through me like an electric current, yanking back the blanket of darkness. Hairs stood up on my arms. Good, he hadn't left me after all.

"I'm sure they'll be back soon." Mr Twong smiled at me reassuringly. Surely our friendship hadn't passed unnoticed. "I have a note to you from Mr. Cullen." He handed me a small folded piece of paper. I took it and unfolded it.

_You were sleeping, didn't wan__t to wake you._

_Thank you for being here, you are a comfort to me to__o._

_See you soon__._

_Edward_

I folded the creased paper again. Good, maybe it was just this morning that was a little off. It had been awkward, but that was expected considering he had admitted how he felt yesterday. I went to Edward's hut, passing my own on the way. I would wait for him there. My panic started to retreat, I was still safe.

I lay down in one of his hammocks and started swinging slightly from side to side. It was so peaceful here. Like time was standing still. It almost seemed like no one would get older in this place, like this place would exist forever.

I must have drifted off to sleep again. A light breeze had picked up when I was woken by Edward's voice. "I love watching you sleep." He smiled slightly. "You look so peaceful." He said softly. He was on his knees next to the hammock and reached out a hand and brushed my hair from neck.

"I feel more peaceful when you're here." I murmured. I was suddenly grateful, because he didn't look as if our talk had discouraged him after all.

"Not really, it's just this place." He joked lightly. "Did you have a nice nap?" He was still smiling and setting off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

"Yeah. Hope it's okay I waited for you. I don't want to give you the impression that I'm some kind of obsessive stalker type." I smiled wryly, shrugging.

"I don't mind if _you_ stalk me, you're harmless." He smiled that drop dead gorgeous grin and my belly clenched for a moment. My thoughts trailed to the prowling lionesses. I chuckled at the thought I had beaten them at their own game. I hadn't as much as seen their shadows for days.

"Well in that case, I asked Mr. Twong if you had left." I felt a blush coming. Another fear was out of the bag.

"I know. He told me he gave you my note." He looked at me with deep honest eyes, staring right through me. I was worried he would see the idea tumbling about in my mind.

"Thank you... for the note."

"As I wrote, you're a comfort to me. Very much, I'm not sure what I would do without you here." He sighed and his breath was like a caress as it touched my face, sending the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive. My eyes were glued to his and I literally felt the electricity running the length of my body. I wanted this. I could do this.

"Really... I am?" I asked breathlessly. Carefully I dared to reach my hand out and run it down his cheek. A subtle roughness from his facial hairs teased my fingers when I slit them to his mouth. I traced the tips of my fingers over his lips gently relishing the softness. He closed his eyes for a moment and just let me explore his face.

"You are." He confirmed almost inaudible. He moved his hand, letting the back of his finger slide down the side of my face. A gentle caress on my skin like I was breakable, which in truth I still was. The touch left a chill of pleasure on my cheek and I got goose bumps and I couldn't help but smile.

"So what did you do in the city?" I asked helplessly caught in the spell of the moment. I knew if I pulled his face to mine, there would be no stopping. But my nerves were running amuck and I wasn't sure I dared to kiss him just yet. Even though it was the general idea of my plan, it was easer acting on it when it was just a blueprint in my mind and not physically acting on my urge. I realized I had no idea how to do this.

"A little shopping." He answered and frowned. He got off his knees and picked up two white bags and entered his hut. Efficiently and in a heartbeat the spell was broken between us. I feared my window of opportunity had passed.

"Do you… er... wanna go for a walk?" I stammered unsure how to get my plan back on track. My heart was picking up pace and hammering audibly in my chest.

"Now? It's Dark." He popped his head out the door and eyed a little suspiciously.

"Yeah." I muttered. That was the whole idea it being dark. It made my ultimate goal easier. I tried to look back innocently and hoped like hell he wouldn't see right through me as he normally did.

"You look nervous. Bella, what is it?" He asked concerned. Oh for crying out loud, could he please be a little less observant for once? I beat back the urge to roll my eyes.

"Nothing. It's er… nothing." I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat. My heart was still racing faster and I wished I could sound a bit more coherent, instead of this blabbering moron.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like nothing." His entire body was now visible in the doorway as he leaned against the frame. His arms were folded across his chest and he smiled that irritatingly smug grin, like he was reading my mind and knew exactly what I was planning on. Oh crap, he could read me well. Just Crap!

"Let's just go!" I snarled chagrined. I got up from the hammock mostly as a distraction and to hide the deep red blush that was coming. I pretended to check my leg for scales but I knew there would be none. As a part of his more luxurious habitation, the hammocks were made from fabric and not net, the very cause of the fish legs.

"Okay." He answered slowly and shut the door behind him and followed me onto the sand toward the water.

We walked in silence while my mind raced. Though the quietness was nice and it gave me time to work on the courage not to chicken out, but it also scared me at the same time.

I had planned to somehow lure Edward to have sex with me. It might be reckless, callus and stupid, but I was treading water. If I did this, then maybe that would answer the questions to how I truly felt about him. I also needed to put an end to the work I had done to let Jacob go. Going to bed with someone else seemed to be an extremely efficient way to test that theory. This would be like killing two birds with one stone and irrationally, I wanted to beyond reasonable sanity, but I was scared as hell to do it. I had one problem with this and it haunted me like a nightmare. I more or less knew how he felt, but what would this do to him if I figured out this wasn't for me after all? Besides we probably had no future together and I would probably end up hurting him. That was something I would try to avoid at almost any cost. The thought of breaking Edward's heart was unbearable.

"Nice night." Edward broke the silence.

"They all are." I smiled, gazing up at him.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He questioned, cocking a brow at me. "You're all tense."

I bit down hard on my lip. I would much rather show him than tell him. "Humph. No, not really." I murmured. I felt the courage leaving my body, like sand through a sieve.

"Okay..." he drawled. Another awkward silence spread and there was that damn big pink elephant between us again. All my nerves were tingling and sizzling and my entire body was taut.

He stopped walking and sighed. "Bella." He mused, looking like he was struggling for words. "Are we fine?" His eyes were wide with fright, deep and haunted. I wanted to alleviate his fear, tell him that it was just my nerves getting the better of me.

"We're fine." I answered, trying to sound confident and convincing, but my voice betrayed me and trembled a bit.

"You just seem different today, stressed somehow." He muttered discouraged. His eyes were endlessly sad as I felt his hand at my elbow. It slit down my arm until it reached my hand where he let his fingers intertwined with mine. This was just fuel on my fire. My skin reacted with a flame of desire and my courage suddenly stopped running out. Instead it peaked and I launched my attack on him.

My free hand cradled the side of his face and I pushed by body against his. He didn't move, but most importantly he didn't step back either. I stepped to my toes and let my lips touch his. Just gently. His lips were warm and soft, but he still didn't move. He was completely frozen. I continued and pressed my lips against his harder this time, basically demanding a response.

This time he did move. He grabbed the back of my neck and pressed his lips against mine. I could feel his sweet breath sweep across my face as he parted my lips. He was suddenly eager, passionate and urgent. Our tongues mingled warm and wet as they worked frenzied against each other. God he smelled so nice, and his taste was without comparison. He let go of my hand and put his on the low part of my back pulling me in closer to him. My body responded to his warmth in a way I hadn't experienced before. It wrapped itself around him, making it quite obvious what I was working up to. My now free hand, found its way up under his t-shirt where I felt his warm and unbelievable smooth skin. I had never really been the one taking initiative or being pushy about what I wanted, but kissing Edward seemed to change all that. I heaved in a deep breath and the smell of his skin ignited a hunger inside of me. It made the fire in my belly roar and I felt a dizzying desire. The words exploded from my mouth without thinking about the consequences.

"I want you," I moaned as I exhaled.

It was like I slapped him because he completely froze. "What?" He mouthed against my lips. His breath was erratic and he moved back so he could look into my eyes.

"I want you." I repeated, surprised that I wasn't the least bit embarrassed asking for it. I just stared back at him confidently. His eyes were whirling with what looked like panic and a need that mirrored mine. He was just as scared and confused as I was. "Please Edward."

"Bella?" His voice was warm and loving, but probably questioning my sanity. Maybe he wasn't wrong to do so; after all he knew my confusion, so this attack probably didn't make sense to him at all. That was understandable.

"Please." I begged.

"Bella. Are you ready?" He implored seriously, but it didn't look adverse to the idea.

"Yes." I breathed. I wasn't sure if I was lying or not. The only way to figure that out was to go through with it.

"Are you _sure_?" He emphasized the last word. His eyes pierced through mine, this was no joke to him.

"No." I whined, but I wanted him. Badly! My entire body was throbbing in raw need to be touched and to touch him. I wanted to feel his body against mine.

He sighed, let go of me and ran his hands through his hair in clear frustration. But he didn't stop as I expected he would. He slowly leaned down towards me and his mouth enveloped mine again. Carefully this time the kiss started to deepen again. I felt his fingers at my neck, gently grazing my skin, making it tingle uncontrollably. I leaned my head back, giving him space to explore my throat. His lips moved from my mouth and to my neck, moving down. His lips were so soft, so warm and so delicious. I felt his tongue lightly licking my skin at the base of my neck. I felt his hand move up under my t-shirt where his fingers traced along my spine. It was like his fingertips released a venom onto my skin, making it burn with pleasure spiraling throughout my body. His breath deepened as he kissed his way up my neck again. His lips reached my ear, grazing my earlobe with his teeth. I shivered.

"Bella." He whispered intensely into my ear. "Tell me if we need to stop. Otherwise I won't." His voice was rough and gritty with desire.

His words jolted through my body, sending another desirable chill through me. "I will." I promised, knowing that wouldn't be necessary. I felt an intense heat growing in my body. I kept pushing myself closer to him. I had never felt this utter urge to launch myself at somebody. My self control was non-existent as I threw myself at him.

He wasn't being particularly subtle with me either. He didn't treat me as the fragile piece of glass that I was. He grabbed me, he touched me. He kissed me deeply and intensely. He didn't just take me because I had begged. He wanted me that was for sure. He was like a pit bull disguised as a cute terrier, he might be cute and adorable to look at, but right now he was ungentle and ferocious like a predator. More surprisingly I loved it and let it swallow me up.

I didn't know how much time passed on the beach, not that I cared, but things were starting to get somewhat indecent. Shirts were pushed up and pants unbuttoned. There were bodies moving and breathing happening that needed more privacy than we had now.

"Maybe we should take this somewhere else?" He whispered hoarsely in my ear. I felt the tip of his tongue slide over the back of my earlobe. "Otherwise we will end up giving people a show." It was like his breath has sweetened even more as it swept across my face. I inhaled, taking it all in, making the fire in me roar louder. I let my hand slide over the warm planes of his chest, stopping at his heart where I felt the rhythm of it. It was fast and hard, hammering away in his chest. He paused; his breath was ragged as he looked deep into me.

"That's all your doing." He smiled. He was so confident, not a hint of insecurity. I envied him.

His hands moved down my back, over my shorts and down my thighs, stopping just before my knees. He was feeling every non-existing curve of my body intensely as his hands moved. It made the insides of my thighs burn. I felt his arms tighten as he lifted me. I locked my legs securely around his waist and cradled my arms around his neck and leaned down to kiss him again.

He didn't let me down until we reached the porch of his hut. I took in a deep breath and grabbed the edges of his shirt and started to pull it over his head. His response was simple; he put his arms over his head and let me. He wasn't kidding when he said he wouldn't stop.

I liked the way his skin felt under my hands. It was warm, smooth and soft. He was muscular and strong, but I already knew that. He was beautiful, there was no question. He cradled my face as leaned down to kiss me again. His hands moved to the back of my head, pulling out the band that held my hair in a ponytail. He let my hair fall and he pushed his fingers through it. I could feel the tips of his fingers on my scalp, raising bumps on my skin.

He moved us backwards and I hit the wall with a small thump and he leaned in on his hands placed on each side of my face.

"You're just every bit as fantastic as I imagined." His eyes were scorching into mine and he spoke every word very deliberately.

I wanted to say something, but words escaped my mind. I wasn't exactly thinking about conversations right now, so I settled for a smile. He seemed to accept that. Then he continued stripping me of any inhibitions I had ever had.

He yanked my t-shirt over my head and dropped it on the floor. He placed all his weight on his left hand resting against the wall. His right hand lay flatly against my neck and collarbone and started a path south. It moved down the middle of my chest, crossing my stomach, continuing further down. As he touched me over the crotch of my shorts, he was staring intently into my eyes, watching my reaction carefully. He was so much in control and here I was absolutely losing my mind. My head fell back against the wall and I moaned, relishing the feeling of his hand gently kneading at my sex. I enjoyed every single moment of what I had unleashed in Edward.

I wasn't sure why, but all the shyness left my body. In truth I hardly knew him, but I didn't fear him seeing me or my body. In truth I wanted him to.

"We should go inside." He whispered. I nodded in response as my mind felt like mush. I couldn't really conjure up a proper response. I just wanted to close my eyes and feel. Feel whatever he gave me.

Inside I sat down on his bed. His sheets were softer than mine, probably a difference in the prices we paid for our accommodations. I ran my hand over the white fabric and refused to let my anxiety take over. I wanted this and so far it was going better than I ever expected. My body felt hot and tingling.

I glanced at Edward who was fiddling with the tiny computer and soft music suddenly filled the room, some kind of piano recital that was soft and emotional.

Edward turned and eyed me warily. "You okay?" He licked his lips and I stared mesmerized. I nodded, but only a slight movement of my head. Edward smiled and casually opened the top button of his shorts. The move was so nonchalant, but yet it had so much promise. The flames inside my body roared in anticipation. I wanted this more than anything. It was the only thing I had wanted in a year.

Edward came over to the bed and climbed over me, tilting me back against the sheets. I complied and sighed when his lips touched mine again. The heat of the kiss built again and there were no words for how I felt. How he made me feel. I moaned feeling the excitement tamper with every cell in my body. I was ready for this.

I crawled further onto the bed, glad to feel his warm body pressed against mine. Long fingers slowly untied my top at the neck and removed it from my body. He gazed down at me softly when he ran his hand down over my breast, kneading. I arched my chest into his palm as it felt exquisite to have his hands on me. He leaned down to my neck and his mouth was warm and giving, kissing and caressing as he moved over my chest. I lay fairly still, but when his lips reached the tip of my breast, my hands fisted hard into his hair and I whimpered a response. Just the simple touch of lips to my breast did things to me I never imagined. I was wide awake now and I wanted all of him. I wanted to be consumed, ravished. I wanted to be taken, filled and have this unknown hunger satisfied.

Edward sat back on his heels, gazing at me for a long moment. I was afraid he would stop, but when buttons in my pants started opening a minute later I sighed in contentment, he would still give me what I wanted. I lifted my hips off the bed as he pulled them down and tossed them to the floor. He didn't stop at the shorts; my panties followed mere seconds later. In less than a minute and a blink of an eye I was now naked on his bed, ready for his taking.

My breath was heavy and my body burned. I longed to be touched, to feel close to his body, to feel that need I had thrashing though my body be fed. I needed Edward and I wouldn't take no for an answer.

He watched me for a moment and then smiled softly. I watched his eyes rake over my naked body, and I was glad to see his eyes deepening and sparking passionately. I was basically spread out of him with no hint of shame. This was so unlike me, but it felt so fucking great. I couldn't help but let my legs spread slightly and fall gently to each side of him, giving him the invite to continue.

He smiled again, lust so prominent on his face, it was like a lightening bolt. Warm firm hands drew up my thighs as he climbed over me again.

"You are so fucking beautiful and brave, Bella." He murmured. I felt his hand reach the apex of my thighs and his fingers gently roam the outside of my skin. His fingers felt slick and wet as he delved deeper in between my legs. I realized I was the one supplying all that slippery moisture and that I was, for lack of a better word, soaked. Edward just gazed softly at me as he kept stroking me gently before he brought his middle finger up to his mouth. My eyes widened when he brought the glistening wet finger into his mouth and tasted it – tasted me. I wasn't sure how to react as this was a little new to me, but it simmered deeply in my stomach and a hot spike of desire exploded warmly down there.

Edward just smiled a wicked little twist of his lips and leaned down to kiss me. I parted my lips for him and apprehensively picked up on the slightly tangy taste of myself on his tongue. I was surprised it wasn't as bad as I imagined, just a little foreign to me. I closed my eyes and chose not to dwell on that and just feel. Edward moved down my body, kissing, nibbling and kneading as he went. Too late I registered how far south he had ventured and I tensed up. The muscles in my thighs were taut as Edward obviously wanted to push them further apart.

"You okay?" He asked puzzled and sat back on his heels again.

I bit my lip and nodded while I stared stiffly at the ceiling. Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Talk to me Bella." He said softly.

I swallowed convulsing. "You don't have to do that." I muttered.

"Bella, please look at me. Have to?" His brows furrowed confused as he waited.

I let my eyes fall on his face and he looked a little like a wounded dog. "Er… Jacob didn't like… er." My cheeks heated violently. I had no clue how to finish that sentence. This didn't seem like the time to discuss other men.

"I see." Edward said gently and clearly got my hint. That was a point where Jacob and I hadn't seen eye to eye. He gladly received a blowjob, but hardly ever returned the favor. We had explored a few times, but Jacob wasn't into it at all, not caring that I was. He had only gone down on me a few times and I loved it, but who was I to push for it he didn't want to?

Edward braced himself back over me claiming my full attention. "Bella, why don't you want me to?"

I averted my eyes. "Jacob thought it was kind of gross." I murmured.

"I didn't ask about Jacob, I asked about you." He implored. He grasped my chin and forced me to look at him. "Do _you_ want me to?" He asked, his eyes showing nothing but understanding.

I tired to hide my smile and bit down hard on my lip. My cheeks were still flushed when I nodded my head feverishly. Like I said I had explored lightly, but I'd be damn if I didn't want Edward to explore all that he wanted. I wanted him too, I just wanted to surrender my body to him.

Edward smirked and nodded. With his knees he nudged my legs further apart when he felt me relax. His one hand ventured between my legs and slowly he eased a finger inside me. I gasped and whimpered as the sensation was exquisite. I hadn't been touched since forever and right now I was hypersensitive. Edward did some odd motion with his fingers and my body arched upward at the thrilling sensation and I tried to hold back my outburst. I wanted to cry out. He leaned close to my ear. "For the record I don't find it gross. I already know you taste so sweet, floral somehow. And it is a major fucking turn on for me. Now baby, just relax and enjoy." He mused and did that motion with his fingers again. The muscles in my belly clenched and I couldn't respond properly this time, I just moaned wantonly.

I curled my fingers into the bamboo weave of the headboard and Edward put his mouth between my legs. It was startling how warm and invigorating it felt to have Edward go down on me. How enticing it felt to have the roughness of his facial hairs touch the soft skin of my inner thighs. He expertly worked his mouth against my sex and whipped my body into a frenzy. I guessed it took me less than ten seconds before I exploded into a quagmire of sensation. I moaned, whimpered and cried out as he just kept going.

I relaxed, oddly spent and coming down from my orgasms. Edward was kissing his way up my stomach and I sighed lazily and kept my eyes closed for a few moments. My arms were cramping up and pulled on my hands only to find they wouldn't budge. I tried to retrieve my hands again. No luck. I tilted my head upward and saw how hopelessly caught my fingers were in the weave of the headboard. I tensed slightly giving another fruitless yank.

Edward reached my mouth and started kissing. The taste of myself was far more prominent this time, but it still didn't bother me in the slightest, it was startling erotic. I kissed him back trying to forget my hands were caught.

"Bella you need to talk to me. You're all tense."

I mashed my lips together into a ridged line, not sure how to approach the subject.

"We can't do this if you don't speak up." Edward whispered as his lips moved persuasively over my neck. I averted my eyes feeling the humiliation wash over me. There was no limit to how embarrassing this was. "Bella please." He sighed and stopped working his mouth over me. "Did I do something wrong?" He pulled back and stared down at me with worried and hurt eyes. "I pushed you too far didn't I?"

My eyes widened, I didn't want him to think having him go down on me was nothing but pure undiluted pleasure. "No! It's not that." I mumbled.

"Then what is it?"

I closed my eyes, my face flushing furiously. "My hands." I muttered.

"Your hands?" He was staring at me confused when I opened my eyes again.

"They're stuck." I wheezed thinly.

His eyes moved above my head and widened amused. "How the fuck did you get your fingers through there?"

"I don't know… I was a little busy cumming." I countered whining.

Edward laughed and inclined his head. "Interesting thought." He murmured. My eyes widened.

"Don't you dare!" I narrowed my eyes at him.

He laughed lightly. "Don't worry, I'll help you free." He climbed over me and straddled across my chest, his crotch inches from my face. I couldn't tear my eyes from the defined bulge straining his pants. "Try to bend your fingers." I did the best I could but I was completely distracted. "Hang on Bella." The same second the heel of his palm smashed into the head of the bed. The bamboo gave away and started to splinter. He repeated the strikes multiple times until I was able to pull my hands down. I glanced upward at the mangled headboard flexing my fingers.

"You didn't have to break the bed." I smirked.

Edward rolled his eyes at me playfully as he climbed off me. "Would you rather it was your fingers?" He cocked at brow at me. I bit down on my lip and reached down running my hands over the swelling in his pants. Edward closed his eyes and sighed.

"You don't have too."

"Don't you want me to?" I echoed his words teasingly.

He just rolled his eyes again and fell back, hovering atop me again, eyes burning with passion. He bent down and locked his lips to mine. Heat built between us and our breaths grew frenzied. I reached down and managed to undo the rest of the buttons in his pants, I wanted to feel his naked body against mine. I needed it. I started to push his pants down.

He hitched my leg up his narrow hip and I clung to him for dear life. I was panting, reveling the softness of his naked skin against mine. With my legs spread wider I felt his erection pressed against the apex of my thighs. I squirmed against his body wanting to feel more of him. I wanted it all. I had my fingers locked in his hair when he gently pushed me onto my back. Braced on his hands he was hovering just above my face when I snaked my legs up his sides, leaving me open and waiting for him. He was apprehensive for a moment, more gentle than he had been so far, but then he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. At the same time he pushed forward slowly and I gasped at the fullness when he started to push inside of me. The move was slick and unhindered as I was utterly aroused and moisture had pooled rapidly between my legs. My body arched up against him, welcoming him to go deeper. I moaned loudly when he delved further into me, stretching me almost to the point of pain. But it was a pleasurable pain, not a hurtful agony. This almost felt like a first time again, it had just been such a long time since I had sex I had expected a little pain, but it was fucking fantastic to have this spitting and full sensation of a man inside of me again.

He paused for a moment. "Are you okay?" He asked tenderly.

I nodded and smiled. "I'm perfect." I whispered and Edward started to move carefully, pushing in and out of me. I moaned at the exquisite sensation. "Don't be gentle, I won't break." I panted.

"I know you won't break Bella." He groaned. His mouth assaulted mine, his tongue was demanding and his kiss was hungry. Then he really started to move. It was like he crept inside my head, not just my body and he gave me everything I needed when he consumed me.

I kissed his chest tasting the saltiness of his sweat. Our bodies were slipping and sliding against each other and it was erotic as hell. I was lost in the quagmire and the tension inside of my body was building relentlessly. I was ready to explode.

I braced my hands against the smashed headboard and Edward held my hips in place against the mattress. He delved deeper, harder and I cried out loudly when my orgasm crushed my body and I spit into a million shattered pieces. My legs trembled and my body went liquid.

"That's it baby, come for me." He whispered gently though his own noises. I never paid attention to that kind of thing before, but Edward's groaning and guttural pleased sounds did magical things to my body, he sounded so exotic. It was the fourth dimension to making love with him, to hear him enjoy this as much as I did. It engulfed me and heated my body inexplicably.

He was so different than Jacob. Not in a bad way. More in a way that Edward was everything I needed at the moment. He was completely inside of my head, the way he touched me, moved me around the bed, shifting positions, it was everything I never knew I always wanted. What I was experiencing right now, filled every fiber of my body with a tingling vibration that shut every thing else out. I was utterly and completely absorbed in Edward. This moment he was all that existed. It was astonishingly wonderful to have him want me just as badly as I wanted him. It wasn't just words spoken, all his actions were filled with it, he showed it in every single touch and thrust. I had so been missing out.

I was spent when Edward's deep throat, clenched teeth, guttural groan erupted and his body went rigid in raw pleasure. His heart was jack hammering in his chest pressed against my back. He panted against my neck, his breath felt cool against my moistened skin. He kissed me below my ear and bit into my flesh gently. "Every fucking bit as fantastic as I imagined." He murmured against my skin. I smiled into the pillow and slumped halfway to my stomach, too exhausted for a more elaborate response.

He left small kisses all the way up my neck, but I was entirely too lazy to reciprocate. If he wanted a response out of me, he only had himself to blame he didn't get it. He could just have avoided sending me spiraling into one orgasm after the other, stealing every ounce of energy from my body. I did hum though, to let him know I wasn't sleeping… yet.

He pulled out of me and I winced suddenly feeling a sensitive throbbing from between my legs. Now I seriously felt I had been celibate for a while and was completely out of practice.

"Are you sore?" He asked concerned.

"Some." I muttered. I could only imagine what tomorrow would be like. I heard the door to the bathroom crease open and the water being turned on. I knew I had to clean myself up, but that was another thing I was entirely too lazy to do, but I needed to at some point.

The mattress dented and I stiffened when I felt a cool cloth being dragged carefully across my sex. It was soothing, but a little troubling as I had never been accustomed to the guy cleaning up his own mess. But I was oddly overwhelmed by the sentiment and devotion in such a simple action. "Relax, baby." He kissed my shoulder and washed across my privates very gently a few more times. "Sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." He murmured and I zonked out, completely sated, enjoying my bliss.

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**Now, show me some love lovelies.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**This chapter is by far the longest, but I was growing a little impatient and I just didn't know where the hell to end the damn thing. ****I have spit the chapter into two and I will post it back to back. This is PART I. So I give you a little more than usual, including a few minor details about what Edward is battling. I might also have been slightly inspired by RL, see for yourself. So now sit back and enjoy.**

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**Chapter Ten**

PART I

The bright light in the room woke me. Edward was behind me in a classic spooning position. I stretched, feeling a little sore; it felt like I hadn't moved an inch while I slept. All my muscles were locked and stiff. Well, maybe the soreness wasn't all from the sleep. A smile pulled at my face, remembering last night's event. It had been an earth-shatteringly shocking experience having sex with Edward. I knew he was intense, but never in a million years had I thought he would be able to consume me like he had. Edward had been amazing, better than I ever dreamed of. He was so confident and so in-tuned to all my senses and every mood between us. I closed my eyes and let memories of last night steal my mind away. Images lit the fire inside of me again. Images of Edward, his face as he watched me, my reactions to his touch and to all that I did with him. I felt my inner thighs start to burn again. In my mind I could see him braced over me, moving firmly against me, with me, as he held my arms over my head. I felt the muscles in my legs start to tighten and I started squirming as I remembered how the energy had exploded from deep inside of my belly. The warmth moved across every cell, every fiber of who I was and I had felt a surge of pleasure taking control of me, making it tingle from my finger tips to my toes. And I knew he watched me as I unraveled beneath him.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's voice thick with sleep startled me a bit. His body was still shaped around mine, warm and comfortable; his arm was protectively locked around my waist holding me to him. The feeling of skin against skin was utterly enticing as none of us had bothered to put clothes back on last night.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" I croaked. I bit my lips as I was caught dead reminiscing our heated carnal night.

"Sort of... you er... moved. What's on your mind?" He pushed, the question was loaded with innuendos and I was sure he knew exactly where my mind had wandered off to.

"You know what." I whispered as my heart started pounding and my cheeks heated. "I was thinking about last night. About you. How _nice_ it was." I murmured. A shot of electricity bolted through my veins and I squirmed against his body, feeling our flesh touching. His hand at my stomach moved over my chest and came to rest over my thundering heart.

"Do I do that to you?" He asked, whispering in my ear. He seemed exuberant at the idea.

"You do. It's like you're inside my head. You sort of do or say everything I need to feel or hear, _before_ I realize it is what I need. Does that make sense? It feels so intense, a little freakish sometimes." I glanced over my shoulder, brushing my eyes over his stunning face.

Edward started laughing softly. "So I am freakishly intense?"

"You are." I admitted.

His face faltered and drew serious for a moment. "I'm sorry for being freakishly intense." He stared directly at me, his green eyes boring straight through me and I just stared back completely stunned. His face cracked and he released a carefree laugh that echoed through the room. I couldn't help but join in. We just laid there on the bed, laughing in each other's arms, stripped down to nothing, post coital glow and everything and I was comfortable. I enjoyed it, no it was more, and I _loved_ it.

Like a striking lightning, I felt a horrible guilt shoot through me. I suddenly felt an extreme remorse for my irresponsible and callus action. I shouldn't be allowed to feel this happy; I shouldn't have allowed myself to get caught up in his charm. The smile faltered immediately. I might be healing and enjoying Edward's company, but I had been completely reckless and had slept with a man I had known for what? Two weeks. And I had loved every tiny second of it. I had disgraced Jacob's memory, what Jake and I had been with my careless and moronic attempt to dull my pain. What had seemed like the perfect solution to healing my broken heart now appeared more like my doom. The guilt was crushing and all consuming. What had I done? I rolled to my back and tried to push back the tears, I needed to concentrate hard to stop them from falling.

Edward was immediately aware of the change in my mood. He popped up on his elbow and gazed down at me with his glorious green eyes. I could see he understood completely what had just happened. Like he had expected this somehow, he was prepared for it.

"It's okay, you know. You don't need to feel guilty." His voice was soft as a whisper. He pushed a strand of hair away from my face. I stared at the ceiling unwilling to look at him. He couldn't take this away also. I needed to feel this excruciating guilt to remember my place in life, to remind me of what I had lost and I so easily had pushed aside for the sake of my own fun. What kind of a person was I?

"But I do and I need to." I breathed. A small tear escaped the corner of my eye and a hard lump in my throat was making it hard to breathe.

"You're wrong. You don't need to, but I can see that you do feel guilt, but sometimes, Bella..." He paused. "Sometimes, if you want to hold on to something, you need to let it go." Edward's words were incredibility soft and slightly shocking. Did I really need to let Jacob go? The idea was so outrageous. All I had done over the past year was try to hold onto every little insignificant memory of my Jacob, of us. But strangely the man I hardly knew was the one who gave me everything that no-one could give me at home. He understood.

"I need to let him go?" I asked feebly, my voice trembling. In the back of my mind I suddenly saw that I already knew I had to set Jacob free. It was what I had decided when I started raking through all our memories.

"I think you may already have." He murmured as he stroked my hair.

I let his words sink in. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had let Jacob go and I could keep all that we had safe now. All that was mine, nobody could take that away from me. Perhaps that was why I was so freaked about the fact I had shamelessly climbed into bed with Edward. That I had engaged in this most primal and carnal act so easily.

"Like I said... freakishly intense." I tried to lighten the depressing mood by attempting to crack a joke. Edward didn't laugh though; he just kept stroking my hair.

"Do you need some time alone?" He asked, his voice was silky with nothing but understanding. Again, he knew what I needed before I had even thought about it.

"Yes... yes I need a little time alone" I agreed complacent. I started to get up from the bed, but Edward stopped me.

"I'll be here if you need me." He chastely kissed my forehead and let me go.

I went through the room, picking up my underwear and shorts, putting them on as I went. I realized my t-shirt was on the front porch where it was dropped yesterday. Edward had quietly put his shorts back on and was at the door. How strange the mood had gone from light, cheerful and desire-filled to what resembled the mood in a funeral home.

"I'll see you." I said, feeling guilty towards Edward, just as I did for Jacob. He didn't need to put up with my manic depressive mood swings.

"It'll be okay, I promise." His voice was low and warm. He touched my cheek and wiped one of the tears that had escaped my eye. He opened the door for me and I went out onto the porch to pick up my t-shirt. I heard the door close behind me with an almost silent click. I snatched my t-shirt, and pulled it over my head. As I left the porch, I bent down and picked up Edward's and took it with me.

I entered my own hut with tears streaming down my face, but somehow I was strangely okay. I just realized needed to put the finishing touches on the mental boxes. Then I would be done. I would be able to have a life now. I would be free of all the grief, the paralyzing pain and the shock that Jacob had died so young and so suddenly. Edward was right, I didn't need to feel guilt, and it was just an automatic response. It was who I was, I reacted according to a pattern I knew so well, instead of embracing the new opportunities life was throwing at me.

I put Edward's t-shirt on the top of my suitcase and went to lie down on my bed. I put my arms around my knees and closed my eyes. Images of my life with Jacob started flashing through my mind, some more difficult than others. Images from our time in high school and college, parties, family gatherings, movies we had seen and concerts we had gone to. Nights we had shared, dreams and wishes for the future we had built. Pictures of our house I had sold were mixed in there too. Wedding and funeral images were intense, but I was still okay. No hysterical outbursts, no painful screams, no blocking the memories, just silent tears that slowly ran across my face emptying the pool of tears I had for Jacob's death. I put the lid on the boxes, so I could keep them safe, just for me.

I felt uplifted but still sad somehow. I had said goodbye to the most important part of me -the thing that had been my entire existence for so long, the thing that had defined me. It left me feeling empty. I had found a new way to be, it just made me sad this new way of being was hollow because it was so new. Now I just needed to fill this new being with a substance. I was ready for a new start.

I splashed some water on my face. I grabbed a towel and dried my face. I stared at my own reflection. I didn't look any different. I still had the same unevenly shaped lips; my cheekbones were still placed high on my face. I still had long brown hair framing my features. I stopped at my eyes. They were still the same brown color, but there was something there, underneath the surface. The dead zombie-like expression was gone. I could see life in my eyes again. Like a flame had been lit and the darkness had been chased away. I smiled. I watched the lines change, my lips pushing my cheeks up forming the expression. I touched my face with my fingertips. Surely I felt the smile with my hands, the lines on my face felt right, they were placed according to the reflection I saw. I really was smiling, with bright and shining eyes. All the sadness was washed away.

I took my clothes off and stepped in the shower. I finished quickly as I was eager to see Edward. I wanted to show my new smile and my sparkling bright eyes. I dried off quickly leaving my hair hanging heavy and wet down my back. I didn't bother to dry it properly; the heat would take care of that soon enough. I found a clean set of underwear, a skirt and tank top.

On my way out I spotted my camera. I hadn't taken a single picture while I'd been here. Inspiration hit me and I linked the camera cord around my wrist. Outside, Edward had left another note for me. I picked up the paper, and quietly read his words.

_Come see me when you're ready. _

_I'm here for you always._

_Edward_

I glanced towards Edward's place and found him on the porch. He sat in one of the deck chairs leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He was watching me intensely. I knew he was waiting for me. He ran his fingers through his hair like a nervous tick. And boy, did he look nervous when I looked closer. He was fidgeting, palms rubbing furiously against each other. He looked like someone about to open his SAT scores knowing he was in big trouble. I couldn't wait to tell him there was no trouble. Not in this paradise, not today at least.

I gave him a quick wave, to let him know I was coming. I put my shoes on, walked the few steps down to the hot sand. My eyes were on Edward as the space between us diminished. He moved from the chair, to stand at the top of the stairs leading to the porch, leading towards him. His shoulder was braced against the wall. He really was anxious, not only from afar, but up close it was even more obvious. I could even see his chest, moving in erratic jerks.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at him with my new and clear eyes. There was no haziness. He was absolutely breathtaking. I smiled.

"Thank you" I breathed the words, taking the first step.

"Are you okay?" He asked while I took the second step. His eyes were utterly concerned, evaluating every inch of my face.

"I'm perfect." I answered and ascended the third step. He didn't look convinced. "Truly I am." My foot was touching the fourth step, just one step between us. His eyes were burning into mine, weighing the odds of me being fine compared to my flash breakdown this morning. He bit down on his lip, scrutinizing if I was being truthful.

"I'm fine." I implored and took that last step that placed me right in front of him. He was so close I could feel the heat radiate from his body. I could smell him, hell... I could even taste him in the air. I let the taste of him sink into my tongue and I sucked in a deep breath to fill my lungs of his smell.

"Promise?" He whispered. His rigid lips started to loosen up and he seemed to relax.

"I Promise." I whispered. He cradled my face with his hands and lightly pressed his lips to mine. His mouth was soft and warm; the kiss was so delicate and tender. I wanted to melt into him. His hands traced down my neck and pulled me into his strong arms. He leaned his cheek against the top of my head. I put my arms around him, hugging myself closer to his body. I could sense his heart thundering in his chest.

"You had me worried for a while there." He murmured while kissing the top of my head.

"I didn't mean too. I'm really am fine." I answered. He sighed.

"Your hair is soaked." He stated quietly. My shirt was clinging to my back, drenched and clinging to my skin.

"I was in a hurry."

He chuckled. I felt him loosen his grip around me. He took a small step backwards and leaned his forehead in against mine. I felt him caressing my hair, pulling it back and wrapping it around his fingers. "I'm glad you're better." The words were like a soft humming. I stepped to my toes to kiss him. This time I was gentle, not setting the Calvary on him. The taste of him, slowly made it burn inside of me again. I couldn't help myself; I had to fight hard to keep from going full throttle on him again, just as I had yesterday. He parted my lips, and I felt his tongue brush against mine, working around it. "_Not helping, not helping, not helping."_ I kept chanting in my head. The burning heat intensified and settled concentrated around my inner thighs. Edward let go of my hair, in favor of stroking my neck. He traced my collarbone gently with the tips of his fingers. His mouth grew frenzied with mine, our breathing growing labored, his mirroring mine. He moved us toward the wall with his body, pinning me in-between him and the wooden planks behind my back. I gave up fighting it, if he wasn't playing nice, then neither was I. I kissed him deeper and let my hands slip under his shirt. His lips moved to my neck and I was somehow glad, because I was struggling for air. I could hear his ragged breath next to my ear and it did insane things to my body. I moved to yank his shirt over his head, but he didn't move his arms. Perhaps he didn't notice so I pulled again. Oh, he noticed, but he was fighting it. Question marks started blinking on the inside of my lids like neon signs.

"I think we should cool it." He breathed heavily into my ear. _What? No, no, no, let's just keep going! -_ a panic stricken voice begged in my head. I was already strung out and hungry for his body once more.

"Why?" I blurted.

"I think this is asking for trouble. You might be fine, but I think it would be pushing the limits too far." I knew he was right. I nodded in agreement, but I was unable ignore the disappointment that washed over me. His eyes alive with humor and a wicked little smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. "Besides I know for a fact you're sore from last night, so let's just do something else for a few hours." My eyes widened with surprise at his cavalier mentioning of my privates. It clenched deeply and deliciously inside of my belly, oddly reminding me that my core was tender from last night's use. "You might want to remove your hands though." He gazed down his chest amused, as my palms were still placed far up his shirt.

"Oh". I muttered and regretfully pulled my hands away with the camera dangling from my left wrist.

"What is this?" He asked, as a slight panic seemed to creep across his face. I stared at him for a moment, confused.

"Most of the western word would identify this as a gadget that takes pictures, images of things like a scenery, people or birthday cakes." I said playfully.

He rolled his eyes at me. "But what do you need it for?"

"I haven't taken a single picture since I've been here and that is not going to help people back home believe where I've been. So I was hoping we could spend today making up for lost time, so to speak. I want to take pictures of the places where we've been."

Edward smiled softly. "Sounds fun."

"Doesn't it?" I beamed, rather pleased with my plot for the day.

Edward threw himself into making preparations like there was no tomorrow. It was already past lunch, so if we were going to make it to the beach and back before nightfall we'd better get going. He spoke to Mr. Twong's son shortly, arranged for a huge amount of food and water to be prepared and packed for us. Next, he filled another rather large backpack with god knows what and smiled gleefully and secretively at me. "I have plans of my own." He smirked. It was like giving him something concrete to do fueled his mood and he was ecstatic when we took off into the jungle. I hadn't been allowed to help with packing stuff; he had simply parked me on his porch and told me to relax. I had unwillingly complied.

Tracking through the jungle we got lost a few times trying to get to broken beach, the abandoned place where we officially had met each other. Sweat was pouring from my body and the heat was scorching. I was carrying the smaller of the backpack with the food and that too was soaked with perspiration. I was in serious need of a rest when we broke through the trees and finally arrived at the beach. It was still as tranquil as it had been the other times we had been here. Stray dogs roamed the place and the water lapped quietly at the sand like absolutely nothing had changed, when everything in my world had flipped upside down.

Edward dumped the backpack on the beach, tore his shirt and shoes off and ran for the water for a much needed cool off. I left the food in the shade and started taking pictures. I snapped photos of everything I could think of. Being a complete amateur, half of the pictures would probably end up in the trash anyway; either from being out of focus, or just downright weird.

After a while, Edward reemerged and I started unpacking some of the food. Perhaps he had gone slightly overboard, as there was food enough for a small village. We hadn't talked much walking here, but I had enjoyed the silence. Though, the next step between us was gnawing at my brain. What did Edward expect now?

I was silently chewing my food, mulling things over when Edward decided to play the mind reader again. His ability to read my mood what rather scary, but I was getting used to being an open book to him.

He carefully set his food aside on the spread out blanket avoiding getting it covered with sand and sighed. "Stop tormenting that lip of yours, you're driving me insane. Bella, here's what I know. I know that you like me. I know that you enjoy my company. I also know that you feel selfish and you feel like you exploit me - which I don't mind." He smirked. I rolled my eyes; I knew what the grin was referring to. "But I also know that you're not ready for any of this. No matter how you feel about me." It went deadly quiet and the silence was ringing in my ears. "Where does that leave me? That's what I don't know." He said softly, squinting his eyes at me.

I glanced down and started digging my teeth into my lip again. I wanted to give him promises. I wanted to promise myself to him, I wanted to give him what he was obviously longing for, but I knew that would be a mistake. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

Even if I had put the lid on Jacob's death, I was not ready to dive head first into a relationship with Edward. I didn't know if I could do that. I knew nothing about the world he came from. Besides Edward was right, I wasn't ready for that. But would he even want that? I couldn't go making assumptions like that, so drawing the conclusion he would want to be with me was pure speculation. In a distant future, perhaps not long from now and back home, that idea was enticing.

"There's no reason to be. I knew what I was getting myself into." He answered quietly. But I could see the hurt and longing in his eyes.

"So, are you going to leave? Because of me?" I dared asking. The thought yet again about him leaving turned my insides to ice.

"No." He answered intensely.

"Are you breaking _this_ off?" I gritted my teeth. I knew that would be best for him, but I didn't want to, even if my better instincts were telling me that I should.

"No. Not that either."

I sighed in relief. His eyes were still intensely gazing at me. He was breathing carefully, like a mean of control. "Are you mad I did this?"

"No. I could have said no." He shrugged. "I'm a big boy."

"But I knew how you felt... I used that." I felt horrible admitting this, but it was true nonetheless.

"I know you did and I let you. I even think I wanted you more. So I guessed I used you too." He closed his eyes and he looked ashamed for a moment, like revealing to me that he used me caused him further pain. He started rubbing his temples. "I told you...in the outside world, things would be set differently. And things are going to change, but I don't want them to." He murmured. He opened his eyes and I was startled at the depth of pain so deeply embedded in the beautiful green shade.

"You can't know that."

"I can and I do. I just want to keep you here, keep us here and keep us safe. I know that this can't last forever. Like I said, I know you're not ready for this. I'm okay with that, I can handle that." He kept rubbing his temples, like he was easing his pain. "But the thing I can't handle is, when our bubble bursts and it will, you will see me very differently." His stare was penetrating and almost hurting me. Something dawned on me.

"Are you talking about _the thing_ you're not talking about?"

"Yes."

"And you think that will affect me?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Yes. I know it will." He answered evenly.

"But I already told you it doesn't matter to me?" I implored. I had to admit he was a little thick headed. How many times did I have to tell him whatever he did, I had chosen not to let it influence me.

"Don't be naive Bella. That will matter. You see, my life is rather complicated." he sighed.

I was getting a really bad feeling. My eyes involuntary moved to his fingers. No, no sign of a ring. "Are you... married?" I held my breath and frowned.

He smiled slightly. "No. I'm not with anyone." His look told me he was speaking the truth. "For what it's worth I'm here with you." He answered softly.

That made me smile. "Will this something hurt me personally?" I asked confused.

"Yes... and that's the worst part. The reason I should never have allowed this to happen." His words stung. He said he was okay with me not being ready. But I guess now he changed his mind. He didn't want this after all. He didn't want me. My eyes dropped to the sand and my vision started to blur.

"That makes sense." I lied, it made no sense, first he wants me and then he doesn't.

"I don't want to hurt you. You're not safe with me, that's why we can't go back together. You cannot be linked to me in any way."

I lifted my eyes and stared at him. Now he was just down right cruel. Why was he being so mean? I realized why my vision was so blurred. I had started to cry. I angrily ripped the back of my hand across my face to wipe the tears.

"Fine." I snarled through my teeth. I fought the tears desperately. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry when he was being like this. It wasn't like I had expected to travel back with him, to be honest I hadn't even thought about it, but the fact he excluded the possibility so firmly, hurt impossibly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I wanted to scream at him, be just as mean as he had. I didn't care how sorry he was.

The beach started spinning and I was getting dizzier by the second. Like some sequence in a movie when the main character was having an epiphany - I was having my own. He really had used me. He had played me, and he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Sex! And now I was dismissed. I felt nauseated from the spinning and I was pissed off. "I'll leave you alone from now on." The words escaped my tightened jaw.

"I understand, but I really hope you won't." He smiled, a hint of his lopsided grin.

Was he fucking kidding me? _Seriously, he blows me off and then he thinks he can still have his __fun__ with me!_ That just sent me over the edge with fury. I felt like an enraged bull and I was charging. "Are you kidding me?" I was furious. All I saw was red. "What the hell do you expect? You say you don't want me, but you would still wanna screw me and you think I'm fine with that? That's not the way the world works. Not my world at least." The words were like a rip tide, towing everything along with it. Edward's face turned horrified, but I accepted that. I wasn't playing nice, but neither was he.

"Excuse me?" His mouth hung open and he was gaping like a fish.

"You heard me." I hissed. I wanted to rip his throat out. Edward still looked horrified, his expression hadn't changed.

"Why are you so mad?" He asked, his voice was pleading.

"For the love of God don't insult me by playing stupid." I snarled.

"I'm not playing anything..." His brows furrowed confused. I cut him off harshly.

"Yeah you are, you played me!"

"Please, Bella, I'm trying to protect you."

"Really, are you sure? Because to me it sounded like you just gave me the kiss of death! And you still expect to fuck me!" I clarified coldly. In the blistering heat of the sun, my insides had turned artic.

He went completely still with that revolted expression on his face. His lips narrowed and I figured he was angry too, finally. That would make two of us. The tone of his voice was cutting and stopped me from attacking him further. "You think I don't want you, but I still think, correct that, I _expect_ that we would still have sex?" He hesitated for a moment. "That's really insulting. I'm not that kind of guy, Bella. And I'm a little upset you would think so." The way he spoke those words made me feel bad for my hotheaded behavior. "I think you misunderstand. I want to protect you... _from me_. I am trying to explain to you that things will change. It's not that I don't want you. I basically flat out admitted I was in love with you and I meant that. But I'm letting you know, your feelings for me will change, no matter what they are now. Trust me." He snarled. Now it was my time to gawk at him with my mouth hanging open. I misunderstood? I collected my face.

"So you're not saying you don't want me?" I muttered surprised. It took a while for him to answer. He was breathing heavily trying to calm down.

"Definitely not." He chuckled after a few long moments. It seemed to please him I was finally getting the point. "You got a bit of a temper! Almost as bad as mine." He cocked a brow at me.

It was quiet after that quarrel, none of us made an effort to speak. I feared that this fight had driven a wedge in between us. I desperately hoped that was not the case. We finished our food, but I didn't really have an appetite. After that, we laid down on the beach soaking up the sun, still not uttering a word.

"Bella." I heard Edward call softly. I tilted my face to the side to face what was coming. "So I'm gonna ask something icky and romantic." He said. By the look of his face, he was trying to lighten the mood.

His words made me giggle. "Icky and romantic huh? And what that might be?" I asked.

"You wanna go watch the sunset from the beach in-between the limestone cliffs?" My eyes automatically moved to the water. All to well I remembered our last swimming trip. My legs had cramped up and I was in need of rescuing. I swallowed convulsively. I heard Edward laugh. "We're not swimming. We're walking. I'm pretty sure I can find the trail to the beach."

"Pretty sure? You better be damn sure. There's no way I was spending the night with all the creepy crawlies in the jungle." I giggled. Edward fished a bottle of sunblock out of the bag and handed it to me. I grabbed the bottle, opened it and squeezed the liquid into my hand. I sat up and started rubbing it on my legs. Edward squirted some into his hand and started rubbing it on my back. My skin was already feeling prickly from sun exposure. My skin was still pale and delicate so it was probably too late to avoid a burn by now.

"I'm sorry we fought." He whispered close to my ear.

"Me too." I answered, feeling slightly humiliated at my irrational behavior. The fight had been sticking to my mind like gum in the hair – unfortunate and destructive. He lightly pressed his lips to my neck and continued to smear the goo on my back.

We left Broken Beach behind and moved through the jungle again looking for a way through to the secluded little place between the cliffs. It was easier to find than expected. The cliffs worked like a massive X on our 4D treasure map and were always in sight.

I stared surprised when Edward unpacked the larger bag completely. Blanket, towels, a thin sheet and then I added it up with the amount of food he had arranged. I narrowed my eyes at him. "You planned this, didn't you?" I stated dryly.

Edward glanced up and smirked. "Indeed I did. I just didn't want to freak you out in advance."

I laughed. I would definitely have been freaked out if I knew we were spending the night outdoors. But now that we were here, the idea of it was rather thrilling. The tension from our fight seemed to dissipate and I relaxed. The place was absolutely secluded and it was only us swallowed up in this place.

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**Now, show me some love lovelies.**

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	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**This chapter is by far the longest, but I was growing a little impatient and I just didn't know where the hell to end the damn thing. ****I have spit the chapter into two and I will post it back to back. This is PART II. So I give you a little more than usual, including a few minor details about what Edward is battling. I might also have been slightly inspired by RL, see for yourself. So now sit back and enjoy.**

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**C****hapter Eleven**

**PART II**

My appetite returned and I dug into another sandwich as Edward scoured the beach for firewood. It wouldn't be long until sunset. We sat next to each other while the darkness chased the sun below the horizon. The perfect blue slowly morphed into all shades of oranges, reds and purples. It was absolutely breathtaking. I took a few pictures of the fading sun, along with a bunch of Edward and the cliffs. Once he snatched the camera and took a few snapshots of me. I laced my arms across his neck, and for the first time since our fight I pressed my lips to his, and the light flashed from the flare as Edward took a picture of us kissing.

Engulfed in darkness the cliffs looked like the massive pillars holding up the sky while the sun was gone. Edward lit the fire and I lay dazed listening to the soft crackling.

"Were you planning to go back together?" Edward broke the silence. He was lying angular on me with his head resting on my stomach.

"No I hadn't thought about it at all, but you so explicitly dismissing it... hurt."

"I'm sorry, that was clumsy of me." His voice was apologetic.

"It's okay." I felt the weight of his head disappear from my body. It was hard to see what he was doing in the dim light. I felt his breath touch my neck. He cradled my face.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, but that still doesn't mean we are going back together." I heard the strain in his voice. It sounded like he hated saying those words. "If I could take you back to the states with me I would."

"I know." I didn't really want to have this conversation. I didn't want to discuss our finale any further. I rolled to my side and stopped watching the stars glide over the sky. I put my lips to his skin, making his smell fill my nose. I felt his long fingers fiddle with the knot at my neck where my bikini top was tied.

"What are you doing? I asked playfully, having a strong feeling things were going to heat up.

"What _we_ are doing." He corrected and pulled the scraps of fabric off and freed my chest. He kissed my neck softly "Now strip. We're going skinny dipping." He ordered. He stood up and pulled his board shorts down. I one quick swoop he was naked with no hint of shame. The light from the fire was sparse, but I could see enough of that gorgeous body. My belly clenched and my breath hitched, but I did as I was ordered. I was thrilled at the idea.

Without a stitch of clothes on, I ran past Edward. "Catch me if you can." I yelled playfully and I was sure I heard him growl under his breath. I hit the water plowing through it, splashing it everywhere, when I felt Edward throw his arm around my waist. I yelped when he yanked me back against his body and submerged us in the warm ocean. We played around like juveniles for a while, dunking each other's heads under, which was a completely unfair fight as Edward was slick and hard to catch. Somehow he seemed to always be able to reach me, and I could never really get to him. It was surprisingly freeing to be naked in the water, when the chance of someone seeing was slim to none. We laughed and kissed, played and teased each other. I was so happy that I feared coming back from this euphoric high would be a long fall. I pushed the depressing thought back and refused to let it linger and spoil our fun.

Edward's playful touches changed as did my moves. I wiggled around in his arms and faced him. The moonlight was turning our skins into the color of silver, and his eyes were deep and longing. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his softly. He willingly parted his lips and let me invade his mouth when I felt the urge to taste him. I wrapped my legs around him in the chest deep water and my lips grew frenzied against his. Desire was surging inside of my body. I moaned into his mouth when he drew his hand down over my backside relishing his hands on me. We were floating weightlessly in the water and it was unexpectedly erotic. Just like last night before I felt no shame asking for what I wanted. We matched perfectly, we belonged together and being intimate with him was more natural than I ever dreamed.

His mouth was warm and wet against mine, mixed in with the salt from the ocean. Edward greeted all my advances with a ferocious need matching mine. I was all wet and hungry as he seemed to be also. I groaned loudly when I felt his erection press against my thigh. I reached down and ran my fingers up the length of him, collecting a guttural hiss of pleasure. I stroked him a few times, reveling the feeling of the hard flesh in my hand. His lips worked more furiously with mine and I felt the desire and need explode from him. I removed my hand and squirmed closer to him letting him know he didn't need to hold back. I felt the hardness directly lined up at the apex of my thighs and sighed loudly when the filling and complete sensation rocked through me. Edward slowly started to push inside of me.

It was surprisingly easy making love in the water, or maybe it was just so effortless because it was with Edward. It was more intimate than I ever imagined, perhaps because we were close to weightless, or perhaps because this was so right.

We moved closer to the shore, trapped in our own little world, skin slipping, tension building, unashamed noises filling the night. We were completely absorbed and consuming each other when the sandy beach hit my back. Edward was hovering atop me as he kept thrusting in and out of me the same time the water kept lapping over our bodies. Each time he pulled back I moaned, missing the fullness of him buried deeply inside of me. My tension was building relentlessly and as the water washed over us once more I shattered and cried out, my body going rigid and pulsing with pleasure.

"That's it baby." Edward murmured through his teeth. His breath was harsh and his movements growing more frantic as he thrust into me. I laced my hands into his hair, knotting my fingers when holding him to me. I arched my hips upward greeting thrusts as I knew he was nearing his climax. The intimate noises as he came caused me to convulse and tumble over the edge once more while I watched the stars above.

"You're so perfect." Edward caressed my face. His voice was low and gentle as he laid next to me.

After a lazy rest covered in sand, we had moved to the blanket. Making love on a beach was romantic as nothing else, but it seriously had its downside. Sand had the ability to go everywhere. My hair had been caked like mud, my teeth crunched when I chewed, and the tiny grains gone up into my privates, and proved rather resilient when trying to rinse them out. But besides that, making love to Edward on the beach was one of those experiences you could cross of your list of 'things I wanted to do in this life'.

"Those are large shoes to fill." I murmured in response. It terrified me that he would consider me to be perfect, I was so far from perfect. "But thanks." I smiled. It was still warm, so being naked outside wasn't really a problem. He traced his fingers along my stomach. I fiddled with the camera held it above my head and pressed the button. The flash gave out a blinding ray and we both winced.

"A warning next time would be fucking nice." Edward hissed and rubbed his eyes.

I giggled. "Sorry. I'll take precautions next time. I promise." I tried to stifle my grin no to irritate him further.

I felt his shoulders stiffen and Edward literally growled under his breath. "So fucking stupid... I swear to god." He murmured. I heard him gritting his teeth as he moved away from me. I could see the contours of his body as he sat up resting his face in his hands. The anger built inside of me. It was just a stupid picture, nothing to get so pissy over. I opened my mouth to snarl at him when Edward obliviously cut me off. "I'm so sorry." He whispered away from me.

"What?" I blinked in utter confusion.

"We're not really being responsible." He mumbled sarcastically.

"Responsible?" My brows furrowed, my mind was a haze, first he was calling me stupid, now he was apologizing and talking about responsibility. Talk about mood shifts.

"You know... protection?" He said quietly.

"Uh... Oh!" It dawned on me. I had been the furthest thing from my mind. I had never had to use condoms or anything. I had almost never in my life had sex with a random guy. I had been on the pill throughout my senior year and college. But I could imagine where Edward's mind had wandered off to. It made me a little nauseous to say the words. "I've only been with one guy and that was for 7 years. I'm not carrying anything nasty around." Another thought occurred to me. "Should _I_ be worried?" The words almost didn't make a sound. Could I blame him? He was gorgeous and he never said anything about other women.

"No, I get checked every 4-6 months." He said, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Wow... maybe _he_ got around? Why on earth would you get tested every 4-6 months? I searched for an explanation and came up with nothing. I felt uneasy, queasy, but I wanted to play it cool, though I failed miserably and I was almost hyperventilating. The idea of Edward being with someone else made me want to throw up for some reason. "Relax..." He touched my thigh and stroked it comforting. "I'm a blood donor and testing is standard procedure. I have a really rare blood type or something." He chuckled without humor. "I haven't been with anyone for... a year at least." He nervously grabbed his hair again. "That's not really what I was worried about." He moved closer to me, like he was seeking something. The warmth of his chest pressed against my side.

"We're both squeaky clean, so what is there to worry about?" I tried to keep it light. It wasn't actually a topic I wanted to explore any further.

"You really are out of touch." He said softly. "Are you... protected?" He breathed the last words while he stroked my collarbone.

Dammit, how could I be so stupid? It was so obvious what he was referring to. I really was out of touch, but this question was easy to answer. "I'm not protected in anyway, but there no way I could get pregnant... I'm barren land." I had stopped taking the pill just after Jacob's death, because I didn't really see the point in continuing. And since then there hadn't been the faintest sign I was a woman. "No period equals barren land." I muttered.

"Oh... I'm sorry for you." He said, empathy was thick in his voice.

"Don't be, I haven't really thought about it, and I'm sure when time comes I can get some help. Guess I'm not perfect after all." I shrugged.

"Don't say that." He said softly. He kissed me quickly and stroked my hair. There wasn't much to say after that slightly awkward revelation. I fell asleep not long after that listening to the soft crackling of the fire while I snuggled into Edward's close embrace.

"Bella... stop itching." Edward murmured, still half asleep.

"Mmm." I rubbed my face against his arm feeling completely drowsy. The silence lasted only a few minutes, but I had dozed off again, but Edward annoyingly found something important enough to wake me up again.

"Bella... sweetie. Please stop itching." He grumbled and snuggled closer to my back. I slipped under seeking unconsciousness again. "Baby, if you don't stop itching I will tie you up. Now cut it the fuck out." He mumbled playfully.

"What?" I frowned, feeling irritation rise inside of me.

"You keep itching." He said softly. His warm breath feathered past my shoulder as he kissed my back.

"Uh... Oh." I was shocked, ripped abruptly awake by an insane crawling sensation snaking across my skin. I ripped my fingernails across my behind. The itching was insane.

"What is it?" Edward asked concerned.

"My butt." I whined. "It itches like hell. What _is_ that?" I continued complaining with nails flying over my skin. I scrambled to my knees on the blanket to rid myself of the torture.

"Oh my god... that's impressive." Edward grinned as his eyes flipped as wide as teacups. I tried to look around myself, probably looking like a dog chasing its tale. At my first disabled glance, horror struck. My bum was neatly covered with tiny red bumps and to make matters worse, I was also decorated with tracks of where my nails had clawed at my pale behind. The small scarlet marks continued down my one thigh and up the small of my back. Ultimately that made me look like... like I had a serious case of acne and had been spanked.

"Ah man." I whined again. "Stop laughing Edward, this is so not funny." I hissed.

"It's a little funny. You have to admit that." He bit down on his lips as not to submit to a roar of laughter. I threw him a mean glare, hoping a simple displeased peer would be enough to discourage his need to laugh at me.

"No!" I snapped. I kept itching while trying to locate my underwear so I wouldn't be floundering about the beach stark naked and covered in about a million mosquito bites. I was a complete laughing stock.

"You should have put some repellant on." He offered irritatingly wise after the damage was done.

"And I would have put that on my ass?" I spat, feeling horribly snarky. I knew I was being ridiculous, but the itching was driving me up the wall. I picked up my undies and put them on. Top and shorts in the same tempo. I knew if I had bothered with the repellant, the last thing I would have done was rub it all over my butt. I hadn't exactly contemplated on sleeping outside with not a stitch of clothes on. "And seriously why the hell do you not have one single bite?" I did a quick once over and not one single red dot interrupted the perfect flawlessness of his skin.

"Don't be mad. The mosquitoes must not like my blood. But you on the other hand must have the sweetest blood ever, looking the way you do." He mashed his lips together, to keep himself constrained and not tumble over the edge in hysteria at my temper tantrum and bug bites.

"I'm not mad." Finally the humor found its way through my anger. I still tried to hide my amusement and the smile that followed. "It just... itches." I moved to pick up my shirt, but he was there before me.

"Give me that!" I accused.

"Not until you tell me where you're going." He implored, clutching the shirt in his hands.

"I thought that was pretty obvious. Back to the resort." I stared at him confused.

"Why?" He asked, looking a little hurt.

"To have a shower and brush my teeth." I tried to calm down. I figured it was the best way to get my shirt back. "Give me that." I mused, trying to make my voice sound alluring. I swung my hand out to snatch my shirt. No luck.

"No." He grinned at me.

"Fine." I stalked to the other side of the blanket and snatched his.

"Hey... that's my favorite." He complained. I pulled his shirt over my head. "But I like the way it looks on you, though." His green eyes smoldered.

"Well, that's my favorite." I pointed to my shirt he was holding. "So I guess we're even."

Still clearly amused by my erratic behavior, Edward started packing our stuff and we tracked back through the jungle. Edward tried to muffle his laugh every time I scratched my behind. I went for the door of my hut feeling I had left the place eons ago. I clutched the handle. "Breakfast in half an hour?" I asked. I feigned leaning casually against the wall so I could grind my backside against the wood, revealing some of the insane itching. Edward's eyes twinkled.

"I'm going to enjoy putting something cooling on that later." He smirked and looked down. I groaned defeated under my breath while my cheeks heated. "Can we make breakfast an hour and a half? I want to go for a run, but not on a full stomach." He jumped onto my porch, keeping my shirt out of range.

"You're so hyper, but fine." I said lightly and opened the door. He blocked it.

"Hey, come here." He said softly and smiled at me with his brilliant gleaming eyes. I forgot to breathe for a second. He tried to push his fingers through my tangled hair, but settled for stroking it and gathering it between his hands. He leaned his forehead against mine and I reached up to kiss him lightly. He searched for more as he parted my lips. His tongue traced along the seam of my mouth. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging myself to him. "I'll see you in a bit." He whispered through our kiss.

"See ya." I let go of him and he jumped of the porch.

I quickly showered, and got ready. I yanked a brush through my matted hair and put some crème on my abused butt. It was a desperate attempt to soothe the skin and it had little effect.

I decided to use the computer and check my e-mail. It was probably about time I let the world kneow that I was alive and okay. Edward would be running for a while anyway and it was pretty early in the day. The Twong's had one computer available for guests to use. I pressed the button, and the screen flickered to life. I sat and waited for it to be ready to use.

I pressed the icon for the internet and typed in my hotmail address. I had thirty seven unread emails. I skimmed through them, most of them where from my mom, a few from Alice, two from Jacob's parents, two from my Dad and some junk mail. I started reading the ones from my mother first, those were the ones I was the least interested in and I wanted to get them out of the way. I saved the ones from Jacob's parents and Alice. I knew those would be worth reading, but they would also be the hardest.

I clicked on the oldest dated email from my mom.

_Dear Bella_

_I am so worried about, where are you?_

_I am disappointed that you left us this way, you could at least tell us where you are._

_Did you even consider what people will say?_

I stopped reading ignoring the rest of her bitching. This was the reason I didn't get along with my mother very well. There were so many things we didn't see eye to eye on.

I clicked on the next one, naively hoping that one would be better.

_Bella_

_Would you please be so kind as to answer my e-mail._

_Do you even consider what this is doing to us?_

I closed the email with a sigh. I so didn't want to read anymore from her. It always had to be about her, didn't it? My thoughts were icy at the thought of her opinion on what was important in this world.

I clicked on the first one from my dad, hoping it would give me a little more support. I hadn't actually told my Dad that I was leaving, so he might be mad at me as well.

_My dearest Bella_

_I hope that you are well. Your Mother told me that you had left home and gone off somewhere._

_I just want to let you know that it is okay, and I hope you find what you need. I'll be here if you need anything._

_Take care of yourself and get better soon._

_You're my baby and I love you._

_Dad _

I drew a sigh of relief as I read through the e-mail. My dad understood. It always made me feel warm and fuzzy when my dad expressed his feelings, that didn't happen very often. None of us were very emotionally verbose.

I clicked on his last e-mail. It was short and dated yesterday.

_Sweetheart, call your mother, she is driving me insane._

I smiled, thinking how my mother would harass him. She would be on the phone day and night; begging, speculating that he was keeping something from her. She always thought there was an alternate motive to everything. Even though there wasn't, but there always had to be with her, that was how she was.

A name suddenly caught my eye. Cullen. I read the subject of junk mail. Cullen MIA. I clicked on it. On top there was a picture of a man. His hair was a reddish-brown, almost coppery, it was half way down his face, and styled in perfect disarray. He was standing against a plain white wall, wearing jeans and a ripped t-shirt. His green eyes were burning into the camera and onto my screen. He looked absolutely perfect.

"What?" I mouthed utterly stunned. Dumbstruck, my hand found its way to my face and covered my mouth in pure shock. I instantly recognized the picture, I had seen it before. It was on one of those enormous billboards lighting up the night at times square. I started laughing hysterically loud, shaking my head in utter astonishment. This was just so cliché. I finally realized where I had seen his face before. Edward wasn't someone I had seen or that he just resembled someone I knew. _Oh no_. The man on the picture and the man I had spent the last 2 weeks with, were one and the same. Edward Anthony Cullen, the beautiful mystery man was apparently the _It boy_ in la la land. I didn't normally follow any gossip, but this much I did know.

"Oh. My. Freaking. God!" I mouthed slowly. My heart started pounding in my chest and I forgot how to blink. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." I felt my body start to go numb in shock. This was just unbelievable. I sucked in a deep breath but it did little to calm me. I scrolled down and started to read the text below the picture. As I read, tears started brimming in eyes, flowing over and streaming down my face.

_Hollywood heartthrob Edward Cullen has currently been MIA since he was fired from his newest project, which started filming last week._

_Speculations to whether his disappearance is linked to the rape charges is unknown. It is said that Edward Cullen has decided to visit relatives in Seattle, to relax and stay out of the public eye. _

One word in the short story caught my attention and my heart lurched to a halt. RAPE. I stared at the word. I moved the cursor to click the link that marked the word. A new image exploded onto the screen. I started reading.

_Hollywood hunk Edward Cullen has been arrested. This morning Police entered Mr. Cullen's hotel and he was escorted to an unknown police station in LA. The allegations concerning Mr. Cullen alleged rape of his High school sweetheart Tanya Denali has proven hard to kill. It is said to be Ms. Denali's parents that are responsible for the charges. The case is still under investigation and the police have so far not made any statements as to Mr. Cullen's arrest._

I started hyperventilating, and had to blink hard to see through my tears. _What the fuck was this?_ A series of profanities escaped my lips as I stared at the picture at the bottom of the screen. This was much different than the beautiful picture I had just seen. This one seemed to be from a chaos of photographers, bodyguards and Edward in the middle, trying to hide his face.

My stomach clenched itself into a hard ball and cramped. I folded over my body to ease the pain. I was trying to calm my breath so I wouldn't pass out from hyperventilating. I had slept with a rapist. The words bounced from side to side on the inside of my skull. How was it possible to land myself in a bigger mess than I had arrived in? My ears started ringing and my vision clouded. I put my head down between my knees to stop the inevitable. I closed my eyes and I felt myself slip away for a few seconds. I came to, just before my body started heading for the floor. I caught myself before I hit the ground bracing myself by holding the edge of the table. I just hung there on the chair, completely limp.

I debated if I should read more crap or… or what? I had no Idea. A small voice inside of me told me to go talk to Edward, that maybe this wasn't true, that maybe there was a logical explanation for this. Could Edward really rape someone?

I listened to my breathing as things started to fall into place in my head. He was running from something. He was hiding something. I knew that, he had told me that. He said that this _something_ would hurt me and change how I felt about him and I had no choice. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place in one heartbeat. Every odd answer, every innuendo, every suspicion was this. I had discovered his little secret and it was one with catastrophic proportions.

My gut instinct was to wait for Edward to return and tell him what I had found, but my head kept repeating the same word over and over again. Run. Run. Run. I pushed my fingers through my hair, grasping it at the back of my neck. I pulled so hard I was about to yank it out by the roots. I sucked in a breath to round up the courage to search for further information. I would at least try and find the information from a reliable source, not a gossipy web page that would do everything for a meal ticket.

I searched for several minutes reaping through all kinds of junk until I found something that looked decent. This headline was even worse and only a few days old.

_Edward Cullen, prime suspect in the rape of a sixteen year old fan. _

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Now, show me some love lovelies.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**

**Also be a sweetheart, click on my profile and enter my blog. I promise you will find a story you have never read before! I dare you.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**Thank you for all your comments and I have to say I am surprised the faith you have in Edward. Now I am afraid you are going to slaughter Bella… biting my nails.**

**You finally get to meet Alice. I know some of you have been waiting for that. So here she is, true to form… I think.**

**The story is taking a sharp turn from here and Bella is going to realize just how much she has changed.**

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Chapter Twelve**

The last line was all I was able to read. That was the final drop. I didn't need to see anything else. I pushed the chair back roughly and it tumbled to the floor behind me. My feet carried me swiftly to the front desk while tears were running down my face. I was in a raw state of panic. I wiped the tears from my eyes to face Mr. Twong.

He smiled pleasantly at me and I was holding on to everything I could to not let myself fall apart. If I didn't clutch on hard to my final speck of sanity, I would crumple down like walls of an exploding house. How could this be happening?

"Can I help you?" He gazed at me through his narrow Asian eyes. His black eyes were suddenly thick with worry.

"Yes... I'll be leaving today. Now actually." I said with a trembling voice. I did everything I could to push the tears that were coming back, but it was fruitless.

"Okay." He answered carefully. He sounded surprised and was about to open his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Can you call some transport? I need to get to the city, on a boat and then towards Bangkok." A tear left a moist path down my cheek.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Are you okay Ms. Bella?" He sang in his accent.

"Fine, just bad news from home." I lied. I slowly wiped the tear from my face. "Please get my check ready and I'll be ready in about 15 minutes." I worked hard to keep the panic out of my voice. I snorted. "And can you please find out, when the next boat to the main land leaves?"

"Certainly and I will have things done for you when you come back." Strong suspicion was like granite in his voice. I locked eyes with him and suddenly they were too wise, too knowledgeable. "Mr. Cullen." He said but didn't continue.

I shook my head. "Mr. Cullen is a friend, perfect gentleman." I croaked through the sobs I was fighting. I stared at Mr. Twong for only a second more and I knew he knew. He knew the secret about Edward that I had just learned. I felt betrayed. He had watched us, watched me barely leave Edward's side for the past two weeks and he never thought to bring to my attention I was sleeping with a goddamn rapist. On top of my cesspool of hurt, frustration and devastation, I felt a slight anger rise. He could have fucking told me!

Like a robot I turned and mechanically walked toward the door. When I entered the bright morning sunlight, I bolted. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, a pure reaction to the panic flooding every cell in my body. In a rush I jumped the stairs to the porch. Miscalculating, I never made it to the top; instead I smashed my knee into the top step. I flew swan style over the porch and landed with a hard bump against the porch railing. I screamed when it felt like I had ripped my kneecap off. The instant pain tore through my leg from the collision. Scrambling around the porch to sit up, I took a moment before I dared to assess the damage. I stretched my leg, checking if it was still intact or if I had done serious damage to my knee. It worked, but blood was gushing down my leg like a faucet. The salt and rust smell of the deep thick red liquid made me gag. I hated the sight of blood, even more the smell of it. My stomach churned violently.

I stumbled to my feet, ignoring the burning pain and the smell and went inside to pack my bag. I had a very limited amount of time until he would be back. I had to be gone before that. I tore the few things I had unpacked out of the drawers, stuffing everything into the bag, smashing it together to make it all fit. It felt like forever to get all my stuff together. My knee kept pouring out blood, bleeding profusely and I needed to do something, before I made my room look like a slaughterhouse and I would scare the living daylights out of the cleaning crew.

I fled to the bathroom to do further damage control. I splashed some water on a towel, breathed through my mouth and started cleaning the blood trailing down my shin. The sticky blood made it hard to see how bad the cut was. Finally getting some control it was clear to me it was bad, worse than I thought. I had about a one and a half inch gash across my knee and I really needed stitches. But there was no time and no ER. I dug through my toiletries, remembering I had packed some band aid at some point. I carefully tried to push the edges of the gaping gash together, placing the insufficient pieces of band aid over the wound. I wished I had some gauze or duct tape as that was my father's idea of fixing just about anything. I found a singlet discarded on the bathroom floor and wrapped it tightly around my leg. It was really starting to throb now. But at least, I wouldn't have to see or smell the blood anymore.

I put the rest of my toiletries in the bag. I finished stuffing the last of my belongings in my backpack when I noticed the shirt I had taken from Edward this morning left lonely on the bed. I did not understand what I did next, but I snatched the shirt and stuffed it angrily into my backpack. I had no time to wonder why I didn't just leave the damn thing. I knew it wasn't normal or sane behavior to bring memoirs from a hurtful person, unless you were severely masochistic or completely unhinged. I preferred to think I was neither. But who was I was to judge, I had been oblivious to who Edward was this entire time and what he may or may not have done. He was more right than I ever dreamed when he said his life was complicated and spheres apart from mine. It was like he belonged to a different solar system.

I slammed the door and hauled my backpack to the reception. As I entered the door to the main building a taxi pulled up. Great, transportation was here.

Mr Twong was ready at the counter. "Here's your check and the boat leaves in two hours. I have found a local bus that will take you to Bangkok. You should be there tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"Okay." I murdered while I handed him my credit card.

"Oh... and I wrote the information for boat and bus down." He handed me a slip of with some unreadable scribbling's on it. I waited for a moment while the credit card information was coming through.

There was something wrong. My gut kept telling me something was horribly wrong. I knew what the problem was... Edward! I wasn't even sure if he had run from the police or what had happened, but Mr. Twong knowing about his horrible little secret he would surely have turned Edward in if that was the case. My brain started weaving excuses that would refuse the crap I had read on the internet. Like, maybe it had been someone else, maybe the victim was lying, or maybe Edward had misunderstood her. Maybe... No! There was no excuse for what he had done! He had admitted to me he had done something bad and it could not be taken back. He even said he didn't regret it. He said that more than once. He basically admitted to me that he did this. There was no other way than run.

"Here you go Miss Bella." Mr. Twong interrupted my internal battle.

"What?" I stared at Mr Twong with blank eyes.

"Your receipt. Sign, please."

"Oh, sure." I started signing my name and stared at the letters. Edward had no idea what my real name was. She thought my name was simply Bella Dwyer, I had told him so the day we had officially met and not that my name was Isabella Marie Black. What if he was coming to look for me? Panic ran swiftly through my veins once again. The gut feeling that this was wrong was still there, but if he didn't know my full or truthful name that would make me pretty hard to find. I gazed up at the man in front of me. "Mr. Twong. If Mr. Cullen asks for me, please tell him that I will be back later." He looked at me confused and interrupted me before I could finish.

"When are you coming back?" He asked pleasantly surprised it seemed.

"I'm not. But if he asks, which he will in about twenty minutes, tell him... tell him I cut my knee and had to go get stitches." That wasn't a lie, not that I cared about lying to a rapist. "Also, he thinks my name is Bella Dwyer, so please don't change that. Don't give him my real name. Please." I begged as I continued. I was using half my energy on lying and the other half on maintaining a calm that would make my words understandable.

"Miss Bella, are you sure nothing happened?" He looked at me with that same bone deep, soul reading suspicion again. And maybe he should be this concerned; people like Edward were staying here. I was just about to tell him what I had discovered in the internet, but my instincts told me not to, this time I listened. Instead, I settled for another lie.

"No, nothing. I would just like the situation to stay the way I explained." I slapped an appropriate smile on my face. "Just the bad news from home, that's all."

"Okay." He said clearly not believing a word I just said. But it was none of his business anyway, not really, or was it? I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, looking like a gaping fish. It was like my instinct had stashed my words somewhere I couldn't find them. Maybe I should leave a note for Edward, explaining why I had disappeared like this. Then again, Edward was a smart guy. I was sure when he noticed I was gone, he would figure out the reason.

The taxi honked the horn impatiently. "I have to go." Tears were suddenly formed at the corner of my eyes again.

"Thank you for staying with us. I hope you had a pleasurable time." He smiled reassuringly. "We hope you come back soon." He said gently.

I sighed. A pleasurable time, yes. But coming back, that wasn't likely.

"Thank you, it was lovely. Please say hello to your wife from me." I felt like hugging the man, but in truth I was in a hurry to get the hell out of here.

The driver was leaning against the side of the car when I exited the building, limping. I automatically looked toward Edward's hut at the end of the beach. My heart skipped several beats when I saw him. He had just rounded one of the big cliffs and wasn't far from his place. I quickly helped the driver load my bag into the trunk as he was in absolutely no hurry to get out of here. I slammed the boot furiously, the driver barely getting his hands out. If he had been a fraction of a second slower I would have snapped his fingers of with the ledge. He gave me a nasty glare, which I translated to, 'I have ten fingers and I prefer to keep it that way'. I hurled myself into the back seat, trying to be a little gentler with the car door than I had with the boot. As the car started moving, Edward had passed his own hut and was headed for mine. I hunched forward, leaning over my legs. I did that for two reasons. One: I didn't want Edward to see me. Two: I wanted to prevent myself from hyperventilating again.

The taxi ride was quiet. My mind was working overtime on the aftershock I was trying to prevent. I tried hard to keep my mind on the things at hand, like I needed to do to ensure my ride home as soon as possible. The boat was leaving in two hours and I needed to get to a travel agency, call the airline, and see a doctor. Depending on what flight I could get, I would figure out if I needed to arrange for accommodations in Bangkok.

My knee was really starting to throb and I was afraid it would get infected if I didn't get it cleaned properly. I forced my mind to keep on those subjects and not on Edward.

I managed to get all of the above-mentioned priorities taken care of before stepping onboard the boat. The travel agent had been surprisingly efficient and booked a flight for me tomorrow night. She had hired a young girl to take me to the doctor and lastly to the harbor. The doctor had stitched me up and I didn't dare to look as his handy work. My next problem was I had nothing to do for the next 4 hours other than sail. I had nothing to do to keep my mind off Edward.

The boat ride to the main country seemed to take forever. There were only so many times you could do mental Sudoku, but it worked like a charm, because the numbers kept getting jumbled up and I had to start all over again.

When I got off the boat the plan was pretty simple. I had a 12-hour overnight bus ride to Bangkok and I would arrive early morning. The flight was just after midnight, which meant I had approximately 18 hours to spend in the city. I was on a mission to keep those hours firmly occupied with shopping and sightseeing. A desperate attempt, I knew that, but I needed to push Edward as far from my mind as possible.

Arriving in Bangkok, I was utterly exhausted. I had tried to sleep, but my backside was itching like hell and I felt a stabbing burn in my knee every time I tried to get comfortable. On top of that, Edward was haunting my mind. Images had been pleasure mixed in with nightmares. I had dreamed of the two times we had been intimate. I had seen Edward's face clearly and then it had changed, distorted itself into a faceless monster and then back again. In the dream, he had held me up against the wall just like it had happened, but this time I had asked him to stop and he hadn't. I told him I had changed my mind, but he wouldn't let go of me.

I had woken up covered in sweat and panting. This kept happening all night. All the nice memories were all scrambled up and twisted in with him forcing himself on me. Several times I had tried to stay awake, but my lids continued to get heavy and slip closed and then I drifted into the nightmares.

I walked the streets of Bangkok and several tourist attractions in an odd haze that was made up from sleep deprivation and seeing Edward's face every single time I blinked. The buzzing life of the city and the intense traffic didn't deter me, like it had the first time passing through this insane city. The hours passed in a blur and I arrived at the airport in the last minute. Checked in, then the long route to the gate. There was hardly any time to sit around and wait as I boarded the plane almost immediately.

I fell into my seat. It was probably about forty hours or so hours since I had really slept. I closed my eyes, and was unconscious when the top eye lit hit the bottom eye one.

I got off the plane at JFK, rested and ready to go home. The 12 hour flight had given me a solid sleep and I felt ready to put on a happy face and see Alice and eventually my family. There was only one problem. I had forgotten to let anybody know I was coming home. So I had to meet me or nowhere to stay. I was homeless.

My cell phone had gone out of battery weeks ago and I hadn't bothered to charge it. So I needed to use a payphone. Did those things even exist anymore? I put my heavy loaded backpack on, and made my way through the swamp of people to find the phones.

I fished a few coins from when I left and punched in Alice's number. Beep... Beep... Beep. "This is Alice, leave a message." My heart sank. She would be at work and hard to get a hold of. I hung up the phone again feeling discouraged. I wondered if I should call my mother. No, I was not that desperate, not yet anyway. I tried to Alice again. This time she answered on the second beep.

"Hello." Her familiar chirpy voice sounded. I sighed, feeling relief wash over me.

"Hi Alice. It's me." I waited for the reaction I knew was coming.

"Bella?" She squealed. "I'm so happy you called. How are you? Where are you?" She rushed, one word tumbling over the next one. Not expecting any answers for either question. "Where did you go?" It was silent for a moment and I realized this time she did wait for an answer.

"Thailand."

"And is Thailand treating you well?" She asked all hyper. For a moment I enjoyed the sound of her chipper voice. I hadn't heard it in more than a month and hadn't realized how much I missed her.

"Thailand's been good to me."

"So any plans to return home soon?" Alice asked.

"Yeah... that's actually why I'm calling."

"Uh, I can't wait to see you." Alice said interrupting me excitedly.

"Yeah... listen. I'm actually at JFK as we speak."

"Are you kidding?" She blabbered confused.

"No... I'm at JKF with nowhere to go." I hoped she would pick up my hint.

"You're serious?"

"Yes." I breathed.

"Are you okay?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine and it was time to go home." I lied. "But truth is, I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go."

"Sure you do, come to my place... shit... I have a meeting this afternoon. I can't be home. I'm so sorry." She rushed again.

"Don't be sorry, it's not like you knew I was coming." I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

"Wait... I have an idea. Can you get to my office? I'll leave my key for you at the front desk. You just have to promise to be home when I get there." She was thrilled, even over the phone. This was so Alice.

"I can do that." I promised. The lady on the phone started asking for more money and I was out of quarters. "I'll get the key and I have no phone." I managed to squeeze the words in before the lady cut off the connection.

I went outside to get a cab. I didn't want to bother with the public transportation, though it was much cheaper. I didn't feel like bumping into people with my bag, and seriously, I hadn't showered or changed my clothes in two days. My skin was sticky and grimy and I was sure I smelled less than appetizing. So I wasn't protecting myself from the trouble. I was protecting them.

I went to the office building where Alice worked. Through the last year she had made some influential connection that helped her on the way. She was starting up a new clothing line for the industrial mogul, Aro. I wasn't sure he was entirely legit, but he was a powerful man and had made a lot of things happen for Alice. He owned everything from car dealerships to make-up franchises. Now he was branching into fashion and Alice was his newest protégée, not that she didn't deserve it; but it all seemed to come a little too easy. I just hoped I was never proved wrong.

I saw my reflection in the glass doors, and to say I was mildly embarrassed would be an understatement. My hair was a mess; I had bags under my eyes. I wore inappropriate shorts, for this side of Manhattan anyway, and I had a bandage on my right knee. And, uh yeah, a hell of an itching bum. I was in pristine condition.

I went to the front desk and spoke to the receptionist. She had her perfectly colored hair pulled back in a perfectly straight ponytail, and she smiled with her perfectly glossed lips.

"Has Alice Brandon left a key for me?" I asked, feeling completely inadequate in the quarters of the shiny office.

Unaffected by my ruffled and less than perfect appearance the receptionist answered. "And you are?"

"Oh... Bella Black." I smiled, surprised by how easily my name floated from my mouth, my married last name. Before I left for Thailand, I hadn't been able to say it.

"Yes, here you go, Miss." She handed me an envelope with my name on it.

"Thanks." I took the envelope and started at Alice's familiar childish handwriting. It was impressive she could draw, when she wrote like a seven year old.

I left the building and found another cab. I gave the driver the address and sat back in the back seat as the familiar streets of New York rushed past the windows. I was home.

I spotted Alice had left a note for me, when I fished out the key to unlock the door.

_I can't wait to see you. I'm so happy you're home._

In Alice's apartment her familiar smell wafted past my nose. I put my bags down and just looked around; enjoying the silence for a moment, though nothing was ever really silent in New York. There was always the hum of the city present.

I helped myself to a shower and the spray of the hot water felt unbelievable good. I lingered obscenely long, allowing just a few simple memories of Edward filter through. His lopsided grin, his gentle nature, were the once I relished. The more I allowed myself to think about him, the less sense it made he would ever hurt a woman in such a primal and destructive way of taking her body without her consent. He would never do such a thing, I was sure of it. But there was nothing I could do now. I had left him behind and the fling we had was over now.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I really needed to make a trip to a pharmacy for two reasons. My knee and my butt. I had taken the bandage off my knee to shower. I had seven stitches and my skin was blue from mid-thigh to mid-shin and it was swollen to about double size. It looked worse than it actually felt, but I was worried it looked a little infected. My butt was still lumpy from all the mosquito bites and it was hard not to go around and scratch my ass all the time.

I fished through my bag hoping to find some clean clothes. Also I needed some serious one on one time with my toothbrush. Sure, I had use the crappy one on the plane, but right now it felt like my teeth had grown fur.

I started pulling clothes out of the bag and then I remembered I had taken Edward's T-shirt with me. I pulled it out of the bag. My hands pushed the fabric against my face and nose, and I breathed in deeply into the shirt. His vigorous smell still clung to the fabric and filled my nose with his delicious smell. I pulled in another breath of him. I decided then and there I was not going to be affected by him anymore. I would not let what happened between us control my life as I had let Jacob's death control me. I would keep us a secret and get on with my life. I put his shirt on the floor with the rest of my dirty clothes. I yanked out more of my clothes, there had to be something clean somewhere. I discovered yet another shirt I had stolen of his. Ah man, it was going to be hard to put him behind me, if I kept pulling his belongings out of my bag. Dammit! I dropped the second shirt on the floor and made it blend in. I did a mental check, making sure there were no other surprises waiting to unfold themselves.

I was in the bathroom trying to tame my hair, when I suddenly realized how long it was. It trailed far down my back. But that was logical when I hadn't cut it in more than a year. I yelped when I was surprised by Alice's sudden outburst. "Oh my god." Alice squeaked from the door. I hadn't heard her come in.

"I'm so happy to see you to." I said into her hair as she halfway attacked me with a hug. Her thin arms were tight around my neck like a bear hug, even though she was twenty pounds and three inches shorter than me. Well maybe not twenty pounds, more like five pounds these days.

"How are you?" She asked, studying my face.

"I'm good... really good actually." I said. I wasn't lying apart from the unsolved Edward situation, which she didn't know about. But comparing to the state I left the states in I was far better. I wasn't lost in the dense fog of my grieving anymore. My mind was rather clear and functional again. I just needed to put Edward out of my mind for good. In a few days and that would be done too. Whether or not it was true what Edward had done, he had never hurt me, he had been my salvation. It was an impasse, I knew that, but it was true nonetheless.

"You look better, a little skinny, but better and you have a tan... so perfect for the summer." I rolled my eyes at her. It was typical of Alice being semi practical when it came to inconsequential matters.

"Thanks... I think." I grinned at her. I hugged her again. I was so glad to see her.

We spent the rest of the evening talking and going over my trip, what I had done with my time, and how I had dealt with all my memories. I told her about how I had sorted through my life with Jacob and had filed everything into my mental boxes. I was a little vague to how I had made the last two weeks pass. I had made the excuse I'd come home because I was better and bored. I was better, but definitely not bored.

I called my mother the next day. I figured that it was best to get her out of my dad's hair. I hadn't had the time to take care of it in the midst of all my running and screaming. I needed to buy some more time from her. Yes, I was far better than I had been in a long while, but I wasn't ready to deal with her or any of her inconsequential questions. So I lied convincingly enough and told her I was still in Thailand and soaking up the sun. I couldn't be bothered with her right now.

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Now, show me some love lovelies. I can only be as good as you help me to be.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**This chapter is a bit long… I shortened it, TRUST ME. There is a lot going on and once more Bella's life will be uprooted in a harsh manner. **

**To those of you who have followed my story, sorry you had to wait so long for the update, but I had some work to do. I have been over the first chapters again and weeded through the excruciating amount of mistakes and I hoped to make my story better. I have merged a lot of chapters that is why we are now back to chapter thirteen so don't be confused ladies.**

**I just want to state for the record I know nothing about press conferences. As for the legal matters included in this chapter I have no background knowledge to speak of, so bear with me if I make mistakes.**

**For those of you who love Alice, I have a treat for you when I post the next chapter. So stay alert!**

**Now Enjoy.**

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

**Chapter Thirteen**

I had stayed at Alice's for almost a week. The apartment was mine for as long as I wanted it she had said, but at some point I was going to have to let my family know that I was back, and eventually also return to work.

I flipped on the TV and started going through the channels. I wasn't really sure why Alice insisted on having all these channels as she was never really home. When she was, TV was not her primary occupation. She would mainly sketch designs for her collection or read. In my opinion, it was a waste of money to have all these channels.

I stopped at a news channel. At least I could watch something with intellectual value. The headlines were speeding across the bottom of the screen and my heart lurched to a halt when I noticed Edward's name was among the titles. It appeared there was a press conference at 1 p.m. that had something to do with him. I checked the time, it was already 12.30 p.m.

Since I had stormed off the island, I had purposefully and successfully avoided the internet, newspapers and any other kind of media that might contain information regarding Edward and the rape charges. Ignorance was bliss for the moment.

Since I had returned home a little more than a week ago, several things had come into place. On the positive side, I realized I was glad to be home and to be with Alice again. I also found out I was in far better state than when I had left. I was really doing okay and I was over Jacob.

On the down side, I figured out I had very strong feelings for Edward. I knew I had acted too rash. I should have spoken to him, confronted him with the facts that I had found. My gut was still telling me something was wrong, but I hadn't listened and now I had to pay the price. I missed Edward horribly and it was constantly gnawing at my heart that I had abandoned him when he needed support. I had failed him horribly, but I had no way of getting in touch with him. He was the most sought out person in Hollywood and I could hardly walk up to his front door and knock. I didn't even know where to start. Would he even see me after what I did?

I waited for the press conference to start by bouncing around on the couch. I was nervous and impatient and I took it out on my nails. They suffered as I chewed them to the skin. I never bit my nails, but since Thailand I had picked up that habit.

The news anchor finally broke into the story I was waiting for. The pretty face on the screen was announcing the live broadcast. I had to concentrate to follow her words.

_And now we__ are going live to LA to the unexpected press conference regarding the charges Edward Anthony Cullen is facing._

The image flickered to what looked like a room full of reporters and cameras. There was a long table with five chairs at the far end of the room. From where these images were shot it looked like an execution square; chairs were the targets and the cameras the guns. I shuddered.

All of a sudden the screen turned bright white and it was impossible to see what was going on. It looked like the TV had broken, until I figured out it was all the flashes from the cameras. The flicking of lights slowed a fraction and it was possible to see that people were taking their places behind the table. First, it was two men in suits, they looked grave and with personalities as dry as deserts. The third person entering made the screen turn white again. My heart started beating like it was outside of my chest and my pulse kept thumping away in my ears. From what I could tell it was Edward who had entered.

The fourth person entering didn't cause much of a stir from the cameras, but she looked nervous... extremely tense. Like she was a minute away from puking her guts out from the sizzling of her nerves. I stared at the girl, I had seen her before. Edward had several sketches of her in his journal. Edward took her hand and let her to the table, holding a chair out for her. I smiled, remembering his manners.

A fifth person entered without alarm as well. He was in a less decadent suit than the other men.

One of the well groomed guys started talking. "My name is J. Jenks and I represent Mr. Cullen as his attorney." I forgot to breathe when I heard the name. That was the man Edward had spoken too several times when I was with him. Mr. Jenks gestured to the skinny man beside him. "This is Mr. Cullen's agent and we represent Mr. Cullen in the pending rape charges against him. This press conference has been called to officially clear several points regarding the charges. Mr. Cullen wishes to address the matters himself. Mr. Cullen will make a statement and if everything will remain orderly, he will answer a few questions afterwards. Officially, Mr. Cullen has the full support of my staff and me." He hesitated for a moment. "Edward." He spoke with authority as he handed to word to the person in the middle of this bees nest. Edward.

His dark hair color was completely gone and it was a charming reddish brown. I guessed it was back to its natural hues. Edward swallowed back hard, composing himself and the professional closed façade grazed his face.

"As you might know my name is Edward Anthony Cullen. I have recently been charged with statutory rape of Miss Tanya Denali and a sexual assault of a sixteen year old girl. As for the rape of the unnamed victim I would like to state I have been cleared of the charges by DNA. I met the victim briefly at a private function, but I was never alone with her nor had I any other type of contact with her. However, fact remains she was sexually violated and the police has another man in custody for the assault.

"As to the statutory rape charge of Tanya Denali, those have also been dropped." Edward glanced to his left and gave a small smile to the girl beside him. "This is Tanya Denali." That was all he said before the flashes started to burn a furious white on the TV screen again. It lasted for about a minute before he could get another word in. "I turned eighteen just before she turned seventeen. We were high school sweethearts and we were in love." He paused. "I had sex with Miss Denali when I was eighteen and she was sixteen years old. Those are the correct facts. The charge has been dismissed by what is called 'the Romeo and Juliet clause' as our age difference is less than three years. There was also sufficient evidence we both made a conscious choice to engage in sexual conduct and the fact we were dating at the time also weighed in on the ruling." The girl next to him, Tanya, heaved in a deep nervous breath.

"My name is Tanya Denali." Her voice was shaky and she looked really upset. "My parents charged Edward with statutory rape and this charge has now been dismissed." She smiled at Edward. "I had sex with Edward when I was sixteen and he was eighteen years old. It was consensual and he under no circumstances forced me to do anything I did not want." Her words were a little steadier now. "Edward is a wonderful man and he would never ever do anything like that to anyone. These charges have caused him a great deal of emotional pain as well as his career has suffered from it, and I'm truly sorry for that." She spoke the words into the microphone, but they were meant for him personally. Edward stared at the table; he smiled a little when Tanya apologized. "I'm here today to show him my support and show the world we are friends today."

I stared at the TV with my mouth hanging open. My instincts were right. Edward never did any of those things. I was unsure how much you could actually regret something, but right now I found myself being educated. I felt awful for my actions and appalling that I hadn't trusted him. He had tried to warn me several times, but I hadn't heard him, I hadn't paid attention to what he was really telling me. I had acted exactly how he expected.

I just sat frozen back on the sofa and I turned my attention to the press conference again. They were just beginning to answer questions from all the reporters that were screaming at the top of their lungs. The agent was trying to maintain some sense of order within the agitated mob.

He pointed to somewhere in the crowd. "Yes."

A husky voice sounded. "Why did your parents decide to revoke the charges?"

The question was asked for Tanya, but Edward answered. "That is private, so no comment." He answered evenly, sounding like a pro.

"Mr. Cullen, do you feel any resentment toward Miss Denali's parents?" It was the husky voice again.

Edward answered business like again. "No comment." He stated into the microphone. His face was friendly, but completely unreadable.

The agent pointed in another direction. "Yes."

"Are you and Miss Denali currently having a relationship?"

"No we are not. Miss Denali is engaged to be married, but we remain good friends." He smiled and winked at her. The crowd cheered.

The reporter snug in another question before that agent could pass the words to someone else. "Are you going to the wedding?"

"I am. She is marrying another good friend of mine." Edward added in a light tone.

A new question came from another direction. "Where have you been for the past weeks?"

"I took an extended holiday." He answered evenly and his face was completely unreadable again.

"Alone? Are you single at the moment?" The reporter asked. I held my breath for his answer.

"To the first question; No, I was with a dear friend. To answer your second question; no comment." I watched his face closely as he spoke. For just a brief second his eyes showed pain, excruciating pain. I knew I had caused him pain when I left, I wasn't a moron and he hadn't exactly hidden the way he felt. But it shocked me to see how deep the pain went in his glorious eyes. I felt like the crummiest person on the planet.

The answer made the mob of reporters stir again and the agent fought to keep the crowd calm. He started to round things up, but I just sat and stared at Edward's face. He looked relieved and pained at the same time. I guessed relief was the charges being dropped and the pain was me. I felt stupid admitting that. Why would someone like Edward want someone like me? That was unthinkable. Also I had made an utter mess of the situation and I couldn't fix it.

oooooOOOOooooo

I had been living on Alice's couch for far too long. Two weeks had passed in a daze. Since I had watched the press conference about Edward, my mind had gone blank and all I felt was pain. I cried at night when Alice had gone to bed and once again my sleep was filled with nightmares. I realized I had probably made the biggest mistake of my life leaving him the way I did.

I had picked the stitches out of my knee sitting on the kitchen counter. The skin on my behind that had been attacked by mosquitos was smooth and calm again. Alice had made no sign that she was sick of having me as a permanent fixture around here. She only joked that I had worn a Bella shaped mold into the couch.

One afternoon I had aired the idea that I would start looking for my own place to stay. Alice had looked distressed and unhappy, mainly like someone who had sucked a lemon. After that she did something very un-Alice and suggested that we move in together. At first she had blamed it on the high prices on accommodations and it would be more practical as she put it. But later she admitted she didn't want me to leave. When I left she would be alone again. I never realized she was lonely, but on the other hand I had spent the past year of my life mourning my loss and licking my own wounds. My mind was too busy on myself to notice if anything was going on with Alice. So to me, moving in with her was like killing two birds with one stone. Rent would be cheaper and I wouldn't be lonely either. I feared the latter more than my own death.

Crunching the numbers we figured out we could afford a much bigger place together. So I guess that actually three birds and one stone.

Alice pulled a few strings with Aro, her boss, and he came to our rescue. He had arranged for us to meet an old lady, who was renting out her apartment cheap. That was the rumor, though everyone knew nothing was ever cheap in New York. We were first in line up to grab the apartment. I suspected Aro was thrilled to help as he seemed to be unhealthily fond of Alice. He made my skin crawl for some reason that I couldn't put my finger on.

I took a moment to take in the place that would become my new home. All the walls were raw brick and with high ceilings. The entry was fairly spacious and had the essential - a closet. The hall led straight into the living room and on the left there was a door/opening into the kitchen. I ran my fingers over the counter top. This was a real kitchen, with everything like a fridge , a stove and an oven. There were two bedrooms, both a decent size and with a huge living room placed in between them. Suddenly, I could hardly wait till the day we could move in. I could see myself really having a base here. I had been more or less rootless since Jacob died. We'd had a home together and when he was gone, so was my home.

Alice took care of all the details and the only aspect I needed to take care of was money for rent. Sure, I had some stacked away, but I still needed a paycheck every month to make ends meet. It was time I paid Eric, my boss, a visit and work out the details to return to work from my leave of absence.

The next day at the old dusty bookstore, Eric, was only happy to see me back again. As soon as I pushed the doors open I smiled at the scent of paper and print. Talking to Eric, I didn't have the courage to tell him that I had been back for a few weeks. He asked a few questions and I answered in short replies. We quickly worked out a schedule for me, which meant that he out of the goodness of his heart gave me my old one back.

I walked home to Alice's place feeling like life was finally giving me a break. It was refreshing to have a few pieces fall my way, instead of constantly having to struggle against the stream.

I helped Alice pack up her old place. I had less than things, so my packing would be done in less than an hour. I was glad the Alice chosen to live in a minimalistic fashion as it seriously limited the amount of knickknacks that needed to be packed up. I worked most of the day, helped Alice at night and I went to bed exhausted. Having stuff to do every day didn't leave me much time to think about Edward and the loss I felt every time I remembered his beautiful face or kind soul.

Alice asked about my stuff a few times. I knew she was referring to what I had left in storage before I left for Thailand. The first couple of times I ignored her, but I finally decided I wasn't taking anything from there to our new home. I would leave them where they were. I was doing pretty good and digging up old stuff when I had just healed; was like asking for trouble. The scar was still pink, a little swollen and freshly healed. I had enough self-preservation to know that would be a bad idea to rip through all that pain again.

We moved into our new place two weeks later. I suspected Alice had flirted her way to get a few strong men from the small company adjoining her office to help with the heavy lifting. My furniture was delivered on our door step, all wrapped in plastic with a price tack on them. I had bought a new bed, a dresser and a night stand. I wanted new stuff for a new life.

The first night in our new place was strange and at the same time settling. We shared a plastic cup of wine and celebrated our move in. I went to bed early and I slept before my head even hit the pillow. It had been a hard day's work and I wasn't one for tough manual labor.

I finished setting up my room. Moving was really easy when you had nothing to relocate. Alice on the other hand was in up to her neck, even though her style was minimalistic, she had an entire apartment to unpack.

Through all of this I constantly had one thing in the back of my mind. Edward. I missed him and that was in a gut wrenching paralyzing way. Sure, I had things to do every day now and I was able to do them, but he was missing. I knew Edward didn't die like Jacob, but it was highly unlikely that I was ever even going to see him again. He might as well live in a different solar system for all I knew. I knew deeply in my heart that I had made a horrific mistake. I acted in a rush without thinking and now I had to pay the price, and the price was torture and loneliness.

The following nights were disturbed by dreams, wonderful dreams. They were so vivid and clear and all of them about Edward. When I woke in the morning, my heart was full of sorrow as I was pulled from Edward and the imaginary world where we existed together. In my dreams he touched my skin and an electric current moved throughout my veins so intensely I could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. My entire body was pulsating with need for him. Every morning I woke, I closed my eyes again hoping to salvage his face from my dream, but it was always gone and replaced with an unwelcome loneliness. Weeks passed like this.

oooooOOOOooooo

All morning I moved like in a trance. I couldn't even remember the trip to work or people I might have seen. I stumbled absentmindedly through my day at the bookstore. Around lunch time a thought occurred to me and I couldn't shake it. I made a hopeless attempt to put my energy towards the new publications that had arrived, but it was fruitless. Nothing worked and I really needed a trip to the drug store on my way home.

When I got home, I pulled out a chair and slumped down on it. I stared into the air as it slowly started getting dark. Hours later, I heard Alice turn the key in the lock. Finally she was home. She turned on the lights and I just stared at her saying nothing.

"Dammit Bella! What the hell are you doing?" Her hand clutched her throat, stunned. She exhaled heavily, almost panted from the shock. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you lost your damn mind." She muttered and shrugged out of her jacket.

"Maybe I have." I murmured.

"What are you talking about?" She frowned.

I hesitated for a long moment. "I have this feeling." I said, unsure how to phrase my thoughts. "I think I might be... pregnant." I glanced up at her and Alice gawked at me. She narrowed her eyes at me, like she thought that I actually had lost my mind.

"Bella, I'm pretty sure it's required for you have sex to get pregnant. I'm also pretty sure that is about as likely as the second coming." She pulled out a chair and sat down next to me. She kept staring at me with some level of amusement.

I pursed my lips and swallowed hard. "I did."

Her mouth popped open. "You had sex? With who?" Alice countered overbearingly, not sounding convinced at all.

"I think I'm pregnant." I repeated. I didn't want to get into who I had sex with. That was a completely different story. Alice fell silent for a long moment and took a deep breath. Her face changed to serious.

"Did you take a test?"

"No... not yet."

"Well, how about we go get one then?" She said supportively and stood up. I simply reached into the brown paper bag located to my right and took out the test. I placed it silently on the table. Alice plopped down on the chair again.

"You want to take it?" She asked. The room was dead silent.

"Yes, I think I have to. I was waiting for you." I met her eyes, silently screaming for help. I needed her unbreakable spirit for this one. I was completely out of my element and I couldn't muster the courage to find out if my suspicions were right or not.

"Why? Never mind... let's just go do this." She grabbed my hand and reached for the pregnancy test placed on the table. She dragged me to the bathroom and started unpacking the box. I wasn't sure what to do next, so I just stood there, paralyzed. Alice ducked down, searching through the vanity and handed me a plastic cup. "Do your thing." She said and bobbed her head towards the toilet.

"Privacy." I cocked a brow at her.

"Stop being such a priss." She scolded and pulled out the paper from inside the test box. She started going over the information needed to perform the test correctly, I assumed.

Obediently I urinated into the cup. I placed the half full container on the bathroom counter and pulled my pants up when I heard her scrambling with plastic. From the corner of my eye I saw Alice sticking the tip of the test into the cup.

"Don't touch my pee." I complained.

"There's something you don't hear every day." She mumbled. I ignored her and sat down on the lip of the bathtub with my head in my hands and braced myself for the wait.

"Oh my God." Alice whispered amazed. "You were right, Bella. You're pregnant." Her voice was soft like a coo and her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

The blood drained from my face and I started hyperventilating. "The test is wrong. It's not working right." I said feebly, attempting at rationalizing why the test was positive, though I knew exactly why.

"There's no doubt, Bella." She held up the test. "It's positive." Her voice was like a ringing in my ears like tinnitus.

"Are you sure?" I grimaced.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Oh god, I'm _pregnant_?" I murmured and stopped breathing. I stood up and went to the counter. The two lines on the test were screaming a furious red. There was no way of denying it. The test was positive. My heart was like a jack hammer in my chest.

"Yes, you are." Alice stared at me for a long silent moment. "When was your last period?"

"I don't know. It was a long time ago. I think since before Jacob died." I answered automatically.

"Seriously?" Alice frowned.

"Yeah." I whispered and swallowed convulsively.

"So, you would have no idea how far along you are?"

"Not really..." I trailed off as a different thought entered my mind. I knew exactly how far along I would be if the test was correct. "On another note, it would be about seven weeks." Alice gaped at me. "Sex." I shrugged.

"Oh right." She went quiet for a while, studying my face. "Bella, I think you need to sit down. You look like you're going to pass out." When she said that I realized my head was whirling and the ringing in my ears was getting louder. My vision started to blur. Alice pushed me to the bathtub and forced me sit down. I put my head between my knees to stop the ringing. Suddenly, I felt like I was so low on oxygen I was suffocating. I started heaving in air like a maniac. Alice left the room for a brief moment only to return with a brown paper bag. I started to inhale and exhale deeply into it. My vision returned and the ringing subsided. It was helping.

A few minutes later I was calmer again and removed the bag from my face. "So what should we do now?" I stared at her with tears in my eyes.

"How about I go get some dinner?" She offered kindly and stroked my back.

"I'm not hungry." I muttered. I dried my eyes that were brimming with tears. My appetite was far gone as my life once more was flipped upside down. It was so typical when I had just found some semblance to the life I had, it had to be torn up by its roots again.

"I think we should eat something. I'm hungry and it might make you feel better. You don't look so good." Alice sat down next to me. She examined my face for a long time. "When was the last time you had something to eat, Bella?"

"This morning... I think." I wasn't sure if a granola bar and an apple constituted as an actual meal.

"Listen, take a shower and I'll go at get a burger or something." She stroked my arm. I was grateful that Alice was here and on top of that calm. I might look calm or even catatonic on the outside, but my insides were a chaos of emotions roaring infuriatingly loud. I burned on the inside and my outsides were frozen.

I stared at her; I couldn't seem to locate my mouth to speak. I just turned the water on and complied with her request.

I got in the shower and pushed the knob far towards hot. The water was burning my zombie-like skin, but I felt nothing. Here, alone, I let my tears run free. They blended in with the water from the shower vanishing as quickly as they left my eyes. I slumped to the floor and I cried my heart out. I was aching for Edward, and especially aching for the baby. Strangely, there was nothing I wanted more than what was supposedly growing inside of me, but there was no way I could salvage the situation between Edward and I now. I had assured Edward we were safe. Facts just proved that we weren't. Not by a long shot. Edward probably didn't want me anyway, and now I had broken yet a promise to him and gotten myself knocked up. It would destroy him and his life. I couldn't take that chance.

"Oh God! Bella, what the fuck are you doing to yourself!" Alice's voice broke through the wall of running water. She yanked the shower curtain out of the way and turned the water off. "You're burning yourself." She cried horrified. My body trembled and I felt cold. She tore of her jacket while grasping a towel from the vanity. She folded it over me and pulled me out of the shower. "You can't do this to yourself." She scolded upset. I didn't really comprehend. She wasn't the one who was knocked up and desperately in love with a man she could never have. "You're shaking." She pulled another towel from under the sink and wrapped it around my waist.

"I'm cold." I said with chattering teeth.

"I know." She said and started ringing the water from my hair and pushing it of my face. She looked at me with petrified eyes. "You have to do better than this, Bella. I'm not trying to be mean, but you cannot do this to yourself." She implored. I realized what she was telling me and I stared down my arms and my chest. My skin was red, prickly and slightly swollen. In my zombie-like state I realized what Alice saw. I looked like I had been boiled alive.

"I'm sorry." I said while my teeth slammed against each other.

"Promise you'll stop this! What's going on with you? For weeks you have been moving around this place like you're not even here. I know you're hurt, Bella, but you can't keep doing this. I really want to be patient with you, but ever since you returned home you have been like a sleepwalker. Please talk to me, we can figure this out. I'm here for you." Her voice was solemn and firm.

"I p...p...promise." Guilt washed over me thickly, but I just stared at her. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job at hiding my despair, but I just realized I hadn't fooled Alice by a long shot. Besides, I was a grown and intelligent woman. There was no need for overly dramatic gestures like this.

We sat in silence and ate our food. I chewed every bite slowly and swallowed. The food felt like gravel going through my throat. I was far from hungry, but it felt good to have food in my system. I downed about a half-gallon water with the burger, and the new energy made me escape further from comatose state.

"I'm sorry about before." I said quietly, gently running my fingers across my slightly scorched arms. It felt like I had been pricked with a million needles repeatedly.

"It's okay. Just don't do that again." Alice sighed. I was glad I hadn't taken the test alone and that she was here. There was no telling how things had panned out if I had been alone. Alice made sure there were loads of sugary and very unhealthy snacks for the evening. We sat on the couch, watching television, though, I didn't think any of us really watched it. I had my arms folded around my legs with my chin resting on my knees. My pointer finger repeatedly traced the pink scar on my kneecap. It had healed in a bulgy and uneven line, but somehow it reminded me of Edward.

"Bella, I have to ask. Who's the guy?" Alice's eyes twinkled and her curiosity was hardly contained. I loved Alice, but she was awfully nosy.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Just some guy." I keep running the edges of the uneven line, while my heart palpitations were running amuck.

"Just some guy?" She retorted suspiciously. "You had casual sex with 'just some guy'?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "What's his name?"

"Edward." My mouth said without permission from my brain.

"Edward what?" She prodded. Just like picking at a scab of a wound, if you keep scratching eventually you would bleed. And if Alice kept poking right now I would start to bleed. I was already a chaotic mess on the inside and I couldn't handle her nosy interference anymore.

"I don't know." I lied. "Can we watch something else?" I diverged. For now I needed Alice off the subject. She had too many question and I had less answers.

"Sure." She replied and left the subject alone and I was grateful.

We watched an action packed thriller with a big muscular guy and a damsel in distress in need of saving. Alice watched it, but I had absolutely no memory of storyline. "You want to sleep in my bed tonight?" Alice turned off the TV and faced me.

"I don't want be alone." I said quietly. I felt like a five year old with monsters under my bed, but there was no way I could face an entire night alone and risk it being filled with nightmares. I laid my head on her shoulder and she stroked my hair for a while.

"I'll get your pillow." She gave me a peck on the forehead and glided off to my room. She returned caring my cover as well.

"Thanks." I mouthed exhausted.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. It was good cleaning my teeth was a twice a day event, otherwise it would have been impossible to do. I lay down on Alice's bed and she pulled the covers over me and I rolled to the side, creeping into fetal position. Alice got in behind me. I lay in the silent darkness waiting for sleep to find me. Sadly I'd been right; sleep was nowhere to be found.

I listened to Alice breathing. It was slow, deep and calm; she was sleeping. I concentrated on her breath, counting them as they came and went. It kept my mind off the very serious matter at hand. My pregnancy and the fact that I had now lost Edward in a way I never expected.

"It's gonna be okay." Alice said suddenly.

"I thought you were sleeping?" I murmured surprised.

"No... I don't think I will sleep until you do."

I sighed. "I'm so tired, but I don't know how to sleep." I felt the tears burn in my eyes.

"What are you going to do?" Her voice was tiny and frail. I knew she had been dying to ask that very question all night. I didn't answer. "Are you going to... have it taken care off?" She whispered. She moved closer to me and stroked my hair. Her words made me cringe as revulsion flooded my body. There was no way I could kill something that belonged to Edward. A creature that was as beautiful as him, something that was a part of him.

"No." I said determined. "I can't do that."

Alice moved closer again and put an arm around my waist, hugging me to her tiny body. "You're not going to have an abortion?" She asked carefully, but slightly surprised. I flinched at the murderous word.

"There's no way I can do that." I tried not to visualize what having an abortion would be like, but it made me want to puke my guts out. I had always been pro-choice and it was a woman's right to choice, but I just knew in my gut that it was not the right choice for me now.

"Okay." She sighed. "We can do this together." The promising words rang loud and clear.

"What about your clothing line? What about your life? I can't ask you to do that, Alice!" I answered stunned she would even consider that.

"You're not asking, I'm offering. There's a difference. I'll be here for you." Her voice was a soft brush against the surrounding darkness

"Alice, you need to have a life. A baby will be a dead weight for you. I don't want to do that to you." I refused.

"Just think about it. You're not alone." She hugged me closer.

She didn't say anything else and neither did I. I stared out into the night going over what Alice had offered. She had to be the most self-sacrificing and loving person that ever existed. Who else would give up their life to help a friend in such a crucial way?

Sleep finally found me in the early hours of the morning. Just before I dozed off, I noticed Alice still wasn't sleeping either.

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**Whew this was a tough one to write… now tell me what you think.**

**Come find me on Twitter – thumannlegend**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**So you've met Alice, now it's time to introduce Jasper. I'm pretty sure none of you have seen this version of Jasper before and I can't wait to hear what you think.**

**As it will probably be no surprise to any of you, Alice and Jasper are going to have a romantic relationship. So if you want to read that what is happening between them then check out my story called **_**Four Weeks**_**. It was originally written as an outtake, but through the writing process it became a little longer than that. Check it out.**

**The second chapter posted of FOUR WEEKS contains the same events as this chapter, only from Jasper's POV.**

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**Chapter 14**

Weeks passed where I refused to talk about the fact that I was pregnant. Alice kept pushing for answers and the more she did, the more I backed down. I needed time and space to come to terms with this. Sure, my mind was made up about having the baby as soon as I found out, but that by no means meant I knew what the hell I was doing.

"I have conditions." I said and looked at her seriously across the table. I needed to let her know what I had already planned. I had decided to take her offer to help me and this was the first time I opened the subject.

"Conditions to what?" Alice looked confused while shoving food into her mouth.

"To your offer." I bit my lip again, maybe that wasn't available anymore. I was a little afraid Alice no longer considered her generous offer to help out with the baby was still on the table.

"Oh that." She smiled her megawatt happy beaming smile for the first time in a while and she was literally bouncing up and down in her seat.

"I'm taking you up on it, but I need you to still be you." I said, trying to keep my face businesslike.

"What are you talking about?" She groaned theatrically.

"I appreciate deeply all that you have offered and I know it's going to be a big sacrifice for you to help me out all the time. But for me to be okay with this arrangement, I need you to still have a life. I want you to date and still work as hard as you do on your collection. In general; you need to go on the way you do now. Here at home we're a family... or whatever it'll be." I gazed at her with terrified eyes. Maybe I just overstepped the boundaries that outlined our friendship, but Alice looked back at me with kind eyes and the huge smile that was still on her face.

"Okay." Was all she said, but she looked happy. Very happy, I might add.

"I'm serious, I want you to have and do all the same things that you used to."

"Sure. Jeez, lighten up. You just made a major decision and you're worried about me? I think you have it a little backwards, Bella." She grinned at me.

"No, I'm just worried."

"Don't be. We're gonna be awesome!" Alice beamed. She lounged out of her seat and put her arms tight around me, hugging me like a boa constrictor. "I'm so happy for you." She chanted into my ear. "I think this is great and I'm so happy that you finally made your decision. I've been biting my nails for weeks." I was still locked in Alice's choking embrace as she continued to gush her emotions.

"I'm a little scared." I whispered, feeling a lump thicken in my throat. "Thank you, Alice for doing this for me. Though, I want you to promise that you'll still have a life." That made Alice pull back and give me a serious eye roll. "Promise me." I implored.

"I promise." She chirped, clapping her hands. I stared at her dumbfounded, was Alice getting teary-eyed now?

"Are you going to cry?" I taunted sarcastically.

"No." She denied firmly, buy I could tell she was fighting back the tears. "So when are you telling everyone?"

"I think I'll hide it for as long as I can. Maybe long enough until my boss forgets I just missed two months of work." I grimaced.

"Bella, I don't think he's likely to forget." She looked at me with scrutinizing eyes. I knew she was right. My boss may be as nice as Santa Claus, but there was no way it would slip his mind I just had a leave of absence.

"I know." I sighed. "Can I show you something?" I was suddenly all excited about the pregnancy and I wanted Alice to see. I had discovered it in the mirror a few days ago.

"Sure." She answered and I pulled my T-shirt up, which in fact was one of Edward's stolen ones. I revealed the little bump that had been forming between my hipbones over the last two or three weeks.

"See." I said warmly.

"Oh my god." She mouthed surprised. "It's not twins, is it?" Her lips narrowed into a thin line, trying to hide a snide smile.

"That's not funny." I gritted my teeth.

"Sorry." She chuckled. "That's amazing." Alice was unable to tear her eyes from my tiny baby bump. I covered myself up again and went back to my now very soggy breakfast. I stared at the contents of the bowl. I was not eating that. I chucked the leftovers into the sink.

It was Sunday and I basically had nothing to do. So when I located my camera in the bottom of my traveller's bag, cleaning up, I was stunned. I had completely forgotten about that. I had so many dreams about Edward when we were together, but I couldn't seem to remember him properly. Sure, I could look at the millions of pictures on the internet, but he just didn't feel right in those images. That wasn't the same Edward I knew. I turned on the camera and started searching through the photos. More than half of them contained Edward and he looked exactly like the man I tried so hard to remember at night. Tears trickled from my eyes. I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy I finally had a way to remember him from when we had been together, but sad that it made me miss him even more.

The next day I dug into my spare cash again and bought a laser printer and some decent photo paper. I didn't want to risk sending these private photos in for development. I didn't trust they wouldn't end up on the internet or be sold to the tabloids. Also, I wasn't exactly decent in some of them.

Days moved past in an orderly fashion. I got up in the morning and went to bed at night. I worked during the day and slept like a rock at night. Nothing exciting happened. Alice and I had our little routine and we were both getting used to the slowly changing situation between us. I was having a baby and she was a major part of it.

So when it became time for me to see a doctor she was right there by my side. I was faced with a lot of facts about pregnancy and labor that I was nowhere near ready for, but most importantly, I was told I was fourteen weeks along and now I had a due date.

She was a support pillar. I think without her, I would have fallen apart several times, but she firmly kept me in one piece. She had promised to still have her life, but she seemed adamant to stay at home with me and not keep up her end of the bargain. That made me feel guilty. I hated I had trapped her in my life of chaos, but I had to admit when I looked closer at Alice she seemed to thrive with our little arrangement.

"Would you do me a favor?" Alice begged. "I have this party I need to go to, and I not sure I can go alone. Would you come with me, please?" She basically whined.

I didn't especially feel like going, but Alice had proven more than once now that she was here for me. So time to repay her had risen. I planted an appropriate smile on my face. "Sure, anything." I gushed a little too enthusiastically.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chimed and clapped her hands, bouncing up and down. "We can probably leave early and go get ice cream or something."

"Ice cream sounds good, but we don't have to leave early."

"We might need to." She answered evasively. "So if you suddenly start feeling a little under the weather, I would totally understand." She smiled encouragingly, but a little high strung even for Alice.

"Great. Blame it on the pregnant girl." I muttered. "So where is this thing and what's it for?"

"It's Aro showing off his new crash pad, but what he's really doing is rubbing everybody's noses in the fact that he's filthy rich."

"Charming" I mumbled. I wasn't a big fan of Aro, but he was the investor in Alice's new collection and without him it wouldn't be impossible for her to put it together. He had a lot of connections and powerful friends in addition to the starting up funds Alice needed.

"It's just going to be a lot of mingling." She sat down next to me on the couch. "Besides, maybe we should get out a little bit and try to have some fun. It's Friday." I knew she was right. I had been locked up in this apartment for far too long. Yes, I did leave to go to work. And yes, I did go to the grocery store. But no, I didn't go out just for the fun of it.

I leaned my head on her shoulder and she gently stroked my hair. "It would be nice to get out. I hate that I've entombed you like this; you promised me you wouldn't stay home with me all the time. You should go out, maybe on a date or something?" I looked at her apologetically. Though, in truth, I was a little upset she didn't do the least bit to hold up her end of the deal.

"That's okay. I'll date eventually." She smiled reassuringly at me, though there was something elated about her statement.

"So nothing interesting at the moment?"

She didn't answer for a moment. "By the way, the party is tonight." She forced a wide innocent smile and then threw me a guilty look.

"What?" I spat. "No. I have nothing to wear. If you haven't noticed I'm stuck in the _'is she fat or maybe she's pregnant_' phase. I have nothing that fits." I complained. I had a feeling she wasn't going to give me an opportunity to bail out.

"I kinda have that covered." She smiled smug. "I was going to bribe you with it, in case you said no. And besides the sweat pants are starting to burn my eyes." She added, glancing down my body. I nodded quietly. I always wore these, whereas Alice was always into bright and cheerful ultra-feminine dresses.

"Ugh. You shouldn't get me anything." I felt guilty enough as it was. "But now that you have, can I see it?" I threw in. I knew Alice hated if you ignored a present, even an unexpected one, so that last statement was for her benefit.

"Yep." She got up and went to the bags she had placed in the kitchen. She returned with a beaming grin on her face. "Here." She held up the dress. It was black and in a light woven fabric. It flowed weightlessly through the air when Alice held it out. At first sight, it didn't look like much, other than expensive, but I had a feeling it would be really nice once you put it on. Besides Alice was never wrong about her choices of clothes. "Try it on." She looked so excited. How could I disappoint that face?

I took the dress from her and went to my room. She followed me like a purring kitten. I pulled the dress over my head and started tying the lacing around my waist or at least in the place where my waist used to be. I took a quick look at myself; the dress was stunning. I checked my face in the mirror, just to make sure it was my reflection. Sure it was my face, not my body though. The body I saw had put on a few pounds over the past weeks.

"You're so beautiful." She cooed. "So you'll go?"

"I promised I would." Besides I did feel really pretty. Showing off and looking nice when you were pregnant didn't happen every day.

We entered the down town building and took the elevator to the thirty-second floor.

"Wow." I said gaping.

"Like I said... filthy rich." Alice whispered in my ear. "And close your mouth, Bella." I snapped it shut with a pop. This place was impressive. The entry hall was enormous and paneled all the way to the ceiling, which was about as far up as the sky. A few people sat around a glass table, sipping on fancy drinks.

"This way." Alice gestured towards two tall glass doors, where light streamed through the frosted surface. She looked amused by my obvious awe. She pulled the door open with a light tug. I had expected the doors to be heavy as a wooden gate in a castle from the Middle Ages, but Alice didn't even put her weight in opening it.

The next room was the exact opposite than the hall. This room was brightly lit and all the walls were white. The light in here was almost blinding compared to the hall. A thin man glided to our side. His hair was slicked back and his face radiated fakeness. His skin looked papery. "Alice, darling." He chimed. If he smiled any harder it looked like his paper skin might crack.

"Aro, this is wonderful." She said while he kissed one cheek then the other. She rolled her eyes slightly behind his back, but I saw it.

"Bella, you wonderful creature." He chimed in my direction, giving me an obvious once over. I was thanking the stars that Alice had given me the dress. Any of my other clothes would have looked like garage sale next to his overpriced Armani suit. I politely held my hand out to shake his, but I was treated with the same courtesy as Alice and he pulled me in for the mandatory two pecks on the cheeks. He was spritzed with heavy floral scented cologne and it went straight to my head, making it spin. I swallowed back a little puke as the stench of his cologne was enough to slay an entire army. Did he bathe in it? I put my hand over my mouth and tried to sound like I had to sneeze. He was completely oblivious to my reaction and was already skidding off to the next arrivals without a second thought to us, I was sure.

"Air, please." I mouthed to Alice. She nodded her head and pulled me towards the windows. The view was spectacular and was overlooking New York's skyline. I breathed in the air that wasn't polluted by the horrid floral sent. "God, Aro reeks." I felt a little bad, but I really had to concentrate not to throw up. I hadn't been nauseated or uncomfortable so far during my pregnancy, but getting a whiff of Aro changed all that in a nanosecond.

"I know." Alice said. "Just breathe through your mouth when he's near. That's what I do." She mouthed disinterested, while she scanned the room like she was looking for someone.

"He looks so fake." I muttered under my breath, not trying to be too insulting.

"Yeah, when he dies, I don't think he will start decomposing. He's sporting more plastic than Barbie." She snickered as she returned her attention to me.

"I was afraid he would self-combust from the gasoline he seems to have soaking in." I joined in when Alice wasn't shy to do a little taunting.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he did." Alice laughed.

Alice worked the room for a while with me tagging along, smiling at the appropriate places and making mindless small talk. Alice really did know how to mingle. She was very believable, acting totally shallow so she could blended in perfectly. I was glad I knew her behind this exterior.

I excused myself to the bathroom and when I returned Alice was chatting up yet another one of these society girls. It was hard to keep up with all of them. This one was almost as short as Alice, but a pair of very elegant high heels made her taller than she really was. She wasn't tiny body-wise like Alice, but still slender. Her clothes were less elegant than the other girls as she wore a pair of perfectly fitted skinny jeans to go along with her heels and a non-decadent top. She had honey blond hair just reaching her shoulders and a face to die for. She was pretty, but not in the obvious and classic kind of way. Her skin was clean and fluid with a slightly dark undertone to it. Her features were feminine and perfectly aligned. Her face was flawless for lack of a better word.

They spoke quietly, almost privately. Alice seemed almost nervous, glancing at the girl who smiled warmly at her. I just stood back and watched them for some unexplainable reason until a few minutes passed and I started to feel uneasy just standing here by myself.

"Hey." I said. "Am I interrupting?"

Alice's breath shook as she exhaled slowly. She seemed almost flustered. "No… I was just talking to… uh, Jasper. Jasper, this is Bella. Bella, Jasper." She hurried, licking her teeth furiously, something Alice only did when she was anxious.

"It's so nice to meet you." I said quickly to alleviate the tension radiating from Alice and held out my hand politely.

"Nice to meet you too." The girl said and I met her eyes, they were alive with humor and the color was hovering somewhere in between green and blue, quite striking. "Alice told me a lot about you." She said kindly. "How's everything? How's the baby?" She asked like that was an everyday topic we discussed, though, I had never met the person before.

"Great... the baby's well." I answered trying not to gape at her. I glanced sideways seeing Alice's eyes widen with shock.

"That's wonderful." The girl said kindly. Beside me Alice looked like she was about to have a coronary and her chest was flushed red with stress, I guessed. "I have to go." The blonde said suddenly. "It was so nice to meet you, Bella. Alice, I guess that I will see you later."

Beside me Alice smiled a little sad smile and nodded her head.

"Nice girl." I said to Alice who didn't bother with a response. I thought that was a little odd. "Jasper is a strange name for a girl." I added in. Alice shrugged.

"I suppose." She answered curtly. "You ready to go?" She looked a little bit like she was high to me. Alice was always just happy and beaming, but now she seemed restless for some reason.

"Sure, if you're done." I studied Alice's face, without knowing what I was actually looking for, but something was off.

"I've had all the vapid chit-chat I can handle for one night." She chuckled, bouncing back into the Alice I'd always known. Alice said a few good byes before we were at the elevators. I noticed her smile - a dazzling, radiant smile that would break a man's heart in an instant, as the elevator doors closed.

We walked home slowly while I was scarfing down a giant size ice cream. It was delicious and I was happy with the fresh air non-tainted with heavy floral scent from Aro. Everything at his place seemed to be coated in the stench. The conversation moved around the party and the vapid people that were attending. Alice gushed over how much she actually hated those things and I complimented her ability to glide through the thing, blending in perfectly. I wasn't sure if it was actually an insult or a compliment.

Alice's phone rang and from the corner of my eye I saw Alice getting a little ruffled again. Whoever was on the other end of the line, Alice was happy to hear from the person. I didn't pay attention to her short conversation.

"I have plans tomorrow." She announced happily when she hung up.

"That's great. Would that be a date?" I teased as she once more was flustered and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Yeah." She admitted sheepishly. "Is that okay?" She shot me an all too caring look.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Alice, I don't need a babysitter." At times I was afraid her hovering over me had something to do with a shower and an almost catatonic state. Though, having her think I couldn't fend for myself for one night was a little insulting. "Who's the guy? Anyone I know?"

Alice's eyes flickered a little. "No, no one you know." She added finally, licking her teeth.

"I'll be fine, Alice. Go out and have fun." I said. I would be pissed off if she canceled the date on my behalf and stayed at home with me.

"What are you going to do?" She asked concerned.

"Watch TV. What else is there?" It wasn't like I was in a state to go out and get drunk, not that I did that much before anyway.

"Sure you won't mind me going out?"

"I swear to god, if you ask me that one more time..." She didn't let me finish.

"Okay, I get it." She interrupted. Alice was silent the rest of the way home, which was a rare event. She looked worried and ecstatic at the same time.

The following evening Alice had taken a long time trying to figure out what to wear and how to do her hair. I had been on the couch offering comments whenever a new option had been put on for display and then discarded. Alice gave me a quick peck on the cheek and she was out the door in a very cheerful mood.

I was happy to spend Saturday evening alone with just me and the remote. Being alone was an option for me to concentrate on a few things I had been putting off. My mind was working overtime on how to tell people about my pregnancy. Alice was actually the only one I had officially told, even though Alice seemed to have spread the news around. I thought about how I was going to tell Eric and I feared how he was going to react. After about an hour of imagining how bad it could get, I decided I was going for the jugular. That meant being honest and telling him Monday when I got to the bookstore. I shuddered at the thought, but I still had about thirty-eight hours to man up.

I was going through every drawer in the kitchen. There had to be something yummy to eat somewhere and I was just craving sugar, but there was nothing to find. For a moment I actually thought about eating the sugar right out of the bag. I knew I shouldn't, but it was still tempting. My cravings were uncontrollably so I decided to go to the doughnut shop on the next corner. Sugar glazed doughnuts was what I wanted. My mouth started watering just thinking about it. I knew it was insane, but I blamed it on the hormones. That was always a good defense these days, I couldn't be held accountable as I was pregnant.

I quickly put on a sweatshirt and hurried down the stairs. I rushed down the street, with my arms clutching around me to keep warm. It took me about five minutes to reach the shop. When I entered, a warm smell of sugar filled my nose. I sucked in the scent letting the hormonal cravings get the better of me.

"Four sugar glazed, please." I pointed toward the shelf. The man behind the counter eyed me. I was sure he guessed that I was not going home to a family of four and sharing these. I smiled sheepishly. I handed him the money and added that I didn't need any change when I grabbed the box off the counter. Outside the store I took out one doughnut and sank my teeth into it. The sweetness filled my mouth and it was every bit as good as I had hoped.

I was just around the corner, when I accidentally caught a movement down an alley across the street. Adrenaline spiked in my body when I realized I knew that jacket. It was the same as the one Alice had. The other person was wearing a bright red coat, tied at her waist. I blinked a couple of times as my eyes adjusted to the light. There were two people standing there, just at the edge of the light from the building.

I suddenly realized it _was_ Alice standing there. What was she doing? I gaped when I truly noticed the other person. She had honey blond hair and I had met her yesterday. It was the girl from the party Alice had been so flustered talking to. They stood close together, almost like they were hiding something. Was Alice buying drugs? My mind wandered. Alice would never do drugs, I knew that for sure. I took another bite of the doughnut, chewing slowly as I observed them.

The girl from the party brushed her fingers down Alice's cheek and very tenderly pushed Alice up against the wall. Alice smiled expectantly. It was the same smile she had used at the party. What was this girl's name? I only remembered it being distinctive. I could tell they were talking softly, their lips were moving, but I was far out of hearing range. Alice made the next move. She put two fingers into the front pockets of the girl's jeans and pulled her towards her body. They melted together in the dim light. I felt I had to rub my eyes to make sure they weren't deceiving me at what happened next. My mouth fell open, when the party girl moved her hands to cradle Alice's face. She leaned in and kissed her ever so softly. Alice reciprocated the kiss and put her other hand behind the girl's neck, kissing her back. That was easy to see.

I was dumbstruck when I realized that I had stopped chewing and the doughnut was just lying in my mouth getting soggy from the moisture.

A car passed and I was woken from my heartless staring. I remembered the food in my mouth and swallowed the soggy lump. My heart started pounding, suddenly afraid they would see me here. I looked to both sides and then at the girls. They were still kissing completely oblivious to the rest of the world it seemed.

I suddenly forced my body into motion and ran the last hundred yards home. I almost smacked into the heavy front door when it didn't open fast enough. I slammed the door to the apartment, with too much force and it smashed into the railing with a loud bang. My heart was hammering furiously in my chest.

I left the three remaining doughnuts on the table having lost my appetite and headed to the bathroom. I finished my routine and went to my room. I wasn't going to face Alice just now if she was on her way home. I needed to know what to say first or if I was going to say anything at all. If I saw her now, it was unlikely that I could act cool enough for me to be inconspicuous. I snuggled in my sheets, hoping I would be able to sleep even though I was shocked to my core.

With a world of surprise I woke from a dreamless deep sleep in the morning. I had expected last night's unintended surveillance would have stuck to my mind and would have made it impossible to sleep. I had spied on Alice and she was kissing that pretty girl from the party. I was stunned.

I listened hard to hear if Alice was up yet, but it was silent. First of all, I needed to figure how I felt about this. Secondly, was I going tell her I knew? That I saw them? In truth it was none of my business, no matter who she dated. On the other hand, I was a little curious as to what was going on with Alice.

Suddenly, I thought about the conversation I had overheard between Alice and Lauren in the locker room a long time ago, back when we were in high school. Sure, that made sense now. Perfect sense, actually.

I got up and went to the kitchen. The box of doughnuts from last night was still on the table. I lifted the lit and peeked in, seeing there were only two. Good, she was home. Was she alone? I wondered abruptly. I figured I didn't need to know that, I was not ready for that yet.

I put on a pot of tea and waited for the water to boil. Did I even care if Alice dated girls? I realized I didn't care, because I had slept deeply and calmly all night without a care in the world. I had met the girl and she seemed really sweet and strangely calm. That was the most important thing. I was instantly out of time to think as Alice entered looking like she could use just about five more hours of sleep.

"Morning." I said in a cheerful tone. I studied her face for any indication she was going to tell me about last night. The only thing I did find on her face was lines from her pillow deeply embedded into her skin.

"Mmm." She grumbled and scratched the back of her head. Her hair was a chaos as Alice had a tendency to have really bad bed hair.

"Nice night?" I asked, not really being able to hide my grin, but I would give her the option first of telling me first. The pot started whistling a sharp screech.

"Turn that thing off!" Alice complained and held her hands over her ears. "It was fine." She said nonchalantly, but her smile had a will of its own and it broke through her restraint, indicating that the night might be more eventful than she wanted to lead on. She just didn't know that I knew. This was going to be good. It was usually Alice that could taunt me with having hunches about the future. Now I enjoyed having the upper hand for once.

"Good I'm glad. Looking at you, it got pretty late?" I chewed my lip, while I fixed two cups of tea.

"Not really. I couldn't sleep. You on the other hand, kept most of the building up with your… snoring." She rubbed her face tiredly, like that was going to help. Nothing but a shower could fix her morning face.

"Oh. Sorry." I mumbled. I pondered whether I should string her along or just get right into it what I had seen last night. My gut told me not to joke about this, there probably was a reason she didn't tell me about her current dating situation.

"Thanks." She murmured into the paper when I handed her a cup of tea.

"So..." I started, not quite sure how to phrase my question. I realized this was a potential bomb. I regretted my decision to get into the subject, but instincts still told me otherwise. So from past experiences with Edward I had learned to trust my instincts.

"So what?" She mused disinterested while going over the headlines on the front page of yesterday's news paper.

I folded my hands around the cup. "I saw you last night." I stared at her when she flinched the tiniest bit. She kept her eyes on the paper.

"That's impossible. We were nowhere near here." She lied smoothly. She pretended to be reading, but she looked somewhat like a severely dyslexic person having letters and words thrown at her like arrows. You could take a blade to the tension radiating from her, it was that thick. I was glad I didn't take the humorous path as that would have been a mistake and would quite possibly hurt her.

"Okay, but I saw you... in the alley just around the corner." I kept my voice gentle and understanding, hoping it would soften her fiery mood. I felt guilty again that I had watched them. Her lips tightened into a hard line and only silence followed for a while.

"That can't be. I was down at Times Square." She lied again. She said the words like it was the first excuse she that popped in her head. She turned to the first page. I could tell she didn't want to admit to anything. We never used to have secrets, not to my knowledge. Sure I was keeping Edward's name from her, but I didn't like that she wouldn't confide in me.

"So, the girl I saw last night wearing your jacket and the other girl in the red coat in the alley wasn't you?"

"Ah, that. That was just an old friend I just stopped to talk to her for a second." She lied again. She smiled at me trying to hide the panic in her eyes. The deceitful attitude was getting a little annoying.

"Alice." I said firmly. "You weren't talking. You were kissing." I mouthed the last words.

"No we weren't." She spat like I was being ridiculous. That was a little infuriating.

"Okay. The lying is getting a little repetitive. Alice I _saw_ you. You weren't talking, you were making out. And if you're going for stealth, I wouldn't wear a red coat that's says bulls-eye and I wouldn't stand under the light. So there." I hissed. I instantly regretted my harsh words, but it was too late to take them back.

Alice's face turned bright red. I hadn't really seen that color on her face before, let alone anywhere for that matter. I really wished I had kept my big mouth shut. She closed her eyes and said nothing. I was getting a little worried and didn't have the faintest idea what to say next. I just stared at her as her face returned to an almost normal color. "So you're going to move out now?" She didn't look at me, just glared at the floor.

"What? Who's talking about moving out?" I couldn't comprehend where that was coming from. "Do you want me to move out?" Now I was panicking. If I didn't live with Alice, I would have no one to help me with the baby. Okay, I knew that sounded pathetic, but it was still true. Had I been that bad to live with? I knew I wasn't the most cheerful person in the world, but was I that horrible?

"You won't move out?" She asked and frowned.

"Why would I?" I dared hoping she wouldn't call me out for being a lousy friend.

"I figured if you knew, you wouldn't want to live with me anymore." She said quietly.

"That's why you didn't tell me?" I gawked at her. "Really? If you'd killed someone I'd consider moving out, but not over this."

"OhmygodI'msoglad." She gushed in one word and leaned her head onto the paper. It sounded like she was hyperventilating. Pondering, I didn't think she had taken one breath since I'd started the conversation. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." She continued mumbling into the table.

"It's fine. I know it's none of my business, anyway. I just had to ask."

"It kind of is your business, since we do live together."

"She's the girl from the party, right?" I asked and took a sip of the burning tea.

"Yep. It's her. And taking into account how you suck at names, hers is Jasper." She smiled that smile again when she mentioned the girl's name.

"Thanks, I tried to remember last night." I shook my head. "So how long have you known her?"

"Not long. Last night was only a first date." She muttered carefully.

"Oh. So how was the date?" I grinned at her.

"It was good." She said flatly, still not looking at me, but had that smile on her face again.

"Jeez, would you look at me please. I don't care who you date. Well maybe if it was a skizo off meds or a serial killer, I might have an opinion." Alice chuckled, her eyes flashed to mine for a brief second.

"You don't mind?" She asked nervously.

"Alice, you're not embarrassed, are you?" I asked. She shrugged her shoulders again in response. "You really don't need to be. And Jasper…" I pointed out that I remembered her name. "Seemed really nice when I met her." I added and shrugged.

"She is nice." The smile appeared on Alice's face again.

"You _like _her." I countered tauntingly, it was mean but I just couldn't help myself. Alice had never been embarrassed and never been caught making out in alleyways with girls. This was just too good a chance to pass up on.

Alice pursed her lips, but didn't answer. Her eyes twinkled and I watched her skin flush. It looked healthy on her pretty face. "Last night was _really really_ good. She kissed me for the first time." She spoke lightly and analyzing.

"Yeah. I saw." I said and smirked. Alice narrowed her eyes at me. "I sorry I watched you guys... er girls." I corrected and smiled sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I won't hold it against you." She hesitated. "So, I guess now you know."

"I think I always knew, well not completely consciously." I smiled at her snidely.

"What? How?" Alice narrowed her blue eyes at me.

"You and Lauren." I stated and bit my lip.

"No one knew that! No one!" She said firmly.

"I knew, and Lauren knew that I knew. I overheard you two in the locker room in high school, you were having a fight… sort of a girlfriend fight." I said carefully as I wished Alice hadn't flipped to defense mode so fast.

"Oh." She said utterly surprised.

"Yeah, Lauren caught me." I said and shrugged. "Look Alice. If you want my opinion I don't care who you date, as long as he or she is nice and not a complete psycho. I'm just glad you seem to be having a life."

"Thanks, Bella." Alice said and beamed in her normal chirpy manner.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Please tell me what you think and let me hear in the comments.**

**Don't forget to check out my latest story and the outtake on what is going on between Jasper and Alice. The story is called **_**Four Weeks**_**.**

**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend **


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**After a few or many questions about what the hell is going on with Edward, I decided to give you the answer. It was meant as an outtake, but I incorporated it as a chapter.**

**When it comes to DNA tests, legal matters and press conferences I am clueless. I am just winging it, so bear with me if I fuck up!**

**I hope this is what some of you were looking for, if not let me hear in the comments.**

**Take care until next time.**

**oooooOOOOooooo**

**Chapter 15**

**EPOV**

Sweat was pouring down my face and sand had gotten into my shoes. I wiped my arm across my forehead to stop the perspiration from rolling into my eyes. I hated the sting of it. I rounded the last cliff where the view of the small resort spread out in front of me. I was glad to be headed back because this run was killing me. I had been slacking off, being a lazy ass, not working out at all, but my mind had been rather occupied for a few weeks.

Meeting Bella was one of the most shocking moments of my life. I wasn't looking for company of any kind, but her lonely and defeated eyes broke my heart. Her skin was almost translucent with how pale she was. Her eyes were deep and mourning. I couldn't bear to look at that lovely face and see the devastation and desperation clear as day.

Besides being a bit of a help to her when she was hit with the stomach flu the first day I was here, I knew exactly why I pursued her. Looking at her was like looking at my own reflection when I had lost my parents and sister. I still missed Elizabeth every day, but it also got easier every day. By looking at Bella, I knew she had lost someone she loved deeply. How could I not help her when I knew exactly how she felt? I had to. It became like a compulsion to make her push forward. It hadn't been easy because she was lost deeply into her depression, but in the midst of it all I had sensed a hope in her. I detected she wanted to push through the pain, but she just didn't know how to do it.

never planned on catching feelings for her. I never considered it was a possibility seeing my own life was in ruins. Evidence was stacking up fast against me and I was rendered helpless. I had been at all the wrong places at the wrong time and I didn't have a freaking alibi. It just seemed too easy to say '_hey, I went to my hotel room to crash.' _I wouldn't believe that either if it was me. My only luck so far was that the judge agreed to let me hide out abroad under the supervision of Mr. Ice Cold, that I had been in the habit of calling him. Bella thought he was Mr. Twong's son and not a cop. He never spoke, just watched me when I had to leave the resort. I wasn't sure if the judge would approve of the level of supervision or lack thereof as Mr. Ice Cold didn't bother to watch my every move, far from it, actually. If I wanted to, I could have vanished more than a hundred times and over again. However, I wasn't going to do anything that could jeopardize my already sketchy freedom. I was out on bail, and just about the luckiest fucker to even be that.

What the hell Tanya's parents were up to and why they had chosen to charge me with rape had been a puzzle to begin with. They never really seemed to like me, but to stretch it as far as to charge me with rape was baffling. In theory, it was true that I was guilty of statutory rape of Tanya, but that was a technicality because of our age at the time. There was nothing wrong with what we had done, I was sure of it. Though, I still needed to talk to Tanya and sort things out with her. It broke my heart that Tanya would consider me to have violated her.

But what was much worse, was this second rape charge.

I was about to pass my own hut, in favor of Bella's when I heard the sharp ringing of my cell phone. My heart sank into a strange feeling of devastation and despair. I bought myself a few more minutes of solitude when I stripped out of my sweat soaked clothes and ran a shower. I washed quickly, drying off and slipping on some fresh clothes. I checked my email only to find it empty. I had never in my life been so alone. I was shunned from society. Even my closest friends thought I was capable of this.

My phone rang moments later again and I sighed when I saw it was Jenks once more. I put it to my ear. "Hello."

"Edward. I've tried calling you. It's time to get back, man." He said seriously, his tone warned me of danger as usual.

"What happened?"

"It's not good. Er…" He hesitated.

"Just spit it out." I growled, having no patience for him beating around the bush.

"It's your DNA, Edward. It was a match. You're in a world of trouble."

"Holy fucking shit!" I gasped as all air in my lungs whooshed from my body. Every nerve ending in my body sizzled like I had been electrocuted. I had had no problem handing over my DNA, because I was sure as shit it would exclude me from any suspicions. So how on god's green earth could it turn out positive?

"Yeah. I told you not to give the sample until they subpoenaed it."

"Fuck!" I hissed. "But Jenks, how can it be a match when I never touched her. I swear to you on Elizabeth's grave I never went near her. I don't even remember meeting her." I had ransacked my brain over and over again trying to place the girl who was assaulted. I had seen her picture and I still couldn't remember her. I had no recollection of her what so ever.

"But you did meet her, Edward. Pictures prove it. You know, everything with Tanya fades in comparison to this."

"I know. So what happens now?" I murmured. I sat down on the bed, trying to relieve my wobbling knees. I could barely hold myself up.

"I went to the judge yesterday and they're calling you home, boy. You need to be back on American soil within forty eight hours." He paused. "You get one more chance. I convinced the judge to test your DNA again. They will take a new swab from you and run it against the samples from the victim again. This is your last chance, Edward."

"Okay." I said quietly feeling grateful for whatever Jenks had done to push the decision that far.

"I have already arranged your transport. You are on a private boat from the island. I chartered a small private plane back to Bangkok and from there you are booked on a commercial flight to LAX."

"So how long do I have?" I asked realizing my bubble with Bella just burst. What I feared would happen any minute was now a reality. I had to leave her. I had no choice. The most important person in my life would think I was a monster too.

"The boat leaves in four hours. Why?" Jenks asked sharply.

"No reason." I murmured hoping to escape his deadly sharp ability to read situations. Jenks was never easily fooled. I normally had a good pokerface, but Jenks was vicious and highly intelligent.

"Fuck me, but Edward did you go against your word? Did you?" He practically yelled.

"She has no idea who I am." I excused, feeling like an errand child. I remembered Jenks warning clearly. I was under no circumstance to involve myself with anyone.

Jenks sighed exaggeratedly. I imagined his puffed face turning purple. "Just pray to god you didn't touch her, because if you did, if you went back on you word to me, I will fire your ass." He hissed.

"Jenks, you can't fire me, I can fire you." I muttered lamely and hesitated for a moment. "I spend two nights with her." I said quietly.

"How could you be so fucking stupid! Do you not realize the predicament you are in? You can go to jail for at least ten years perhaps even more. Do you care so little about your life? Your career is one thing that is already flushed down the toilet, but your freedom, Edward! Don't you at least care about that?" He scolded.

"I do care, Jenks."

"What's her name?" He asked sharply

"No. I'm not giving it to you. I will handle this. Look, I have four hours. I will take care of it." There was no way I was letting him anywhere near Bella if I could help it. Being here with her I felt like I deserved a normal life like anyone else. She treated me like I was just someone with feet as ugly as the next guy. I loved how casual and easygoing she was and for as long as I could, I would spare her from the chaos that was now my life.

"You better fucking take care of it, or I will. She needs to be silenced."

"Don't you dare threaten her!" I yelled. No one would touch Bella. No one would cause her harm. Not after the remarkable recovery she had done to come back to life. I wanted nothing more than to protect her! She shouldn't be punished or lose the semblance of balance to her life she had found so recently. I didn't want to cause her pain, though, it was exactly what I was about to do.

"I don't?" He countered. "If you're going to survive this with you freedom intact you better fucking listen to me or your ass will find itself in San Quentin faster than you can blink. And do you realize what they do to pretty boy rapists in there? Huh? If not, I would just love to enlighten you."

"I get the picture, Jenks." I muttered feeling defeat run over me like acid.

He sighed dramatically. "Four hours and you are on that boat if you know what's good for you."

"I said I got it!" I hissed and hung up.

I sat on my bed for about ten minutes until my feet felt steady enough to carry my weight. I kept running my hands over my hair. I liked control, but now I just lost it. I loved I had been able to control the situation with Bella, because she was obliviously to who I was. I had some aspect of power to keep us as friends as long as she didn't know the truth about me. That was why I never told her who I was. It took a while for me to realize she was oblivious, but then I realized I was safe with her. That we had ended up making love was not part of the plan at all. Her ambush had left me with no defense. Had I known she would attack me like that, I would have conjured up a shield to ward her off. But truth was I was caught with my pants down two nights ago when we were intimate the first time. So when you had that first glimpse into Pandora's Box, how do you keep from looking again? I knew I couldn't.

I drew a deep breath, hoping I could salvage at least part of our friendship when I needed her faith in me more than ever. I needed to tell her what I was faced with, and I could only hope she would believe my innocence. Though, every sane person on this planet would never believe the word of a man over the evidence of DNA anymore. I needed to hope for the impossible.

At Bella's porch, I stared down at the blood dripped all over the planks. The red was dramatic and violent against the worn pale wood. I twisted the doorknob only to find it locked. I rushed to the reception where Mr. Twong glared at me.

"Bella… where is she?" I blurted.

Mr. Twong narrowed his eyes at me. "She went to the doctor. She cut her knee. She should be back shortly."

Relief washed through me. "So she is okay?"

"Yes." Mr. Twong answered curtly, but didn't elaborate further. He looked mainly like he couldn't be bothered with me. I walked back to my place slowly, knowing I needed to get my things packed up and get ready to go. I was strangely happy it left me with just a little more time to keep control over our friendship. There was no way I wanted to leave, but it was out of my hands. I could only hope she would agree to see me again. I knew I was a selfish ass for demanding that from her, but I couldn't deny how I felt. I wanted her close. I wanted and needed her like something as simple as water to drink. I needed her by my side, perhaps to keep me sane, like she had for the past two weeks.

I was in love with her.

I didn't know what I would have done if I hadn't been allowed to hide out away from the mayhem and all the papz in the states. The solitude I had here with her had been a godsend.

Two hours passed and there was still no sign of her. I lounged on my front porch, letting my mind indulge in a few passionate moments from last night. Her hair was all matted in with the sand. Her wet dark strands were a striking contrast to the pale white beach in the moon light. Her body arched and moved with mine so seamlessly like we had always been lovers and we knew each other's deepest secrets. Though, I was naïve to think we had no secrets from each other when there seemed to be nothing but secrets outside our perfect bubble.

I passed the empty reception desk, went through the restaurant following the voices to the kitchen. Mr. Twong was talking to the old woman lacking every single tooth in her mouth. Mr. Twong glared at me just as he had this morning. I just couldn't wait any longer I had to get going or I would miss my boat. I hated I needed to flush out all my secrets, but I was out of time and reality was claiming my life once again. There was no more refuge from my life's torments. I could only hope Bella would understand and perhaps stay my friend.

"Did Bella say when she would be back?" I asked Mr. Twong.

He waited a long time before he answered. "Front desk." He said sharply. I frowned but followed. "Why do you need to talk to her?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I need to leave. I wanted to talk to her and explain." I answered simply.

"Did something happen between you?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business." I countered, feeling a little surprised he stooped so low as to ask about us.

"Look, Mr. Cullen, I know why you're here. I accepted your visit as long as you were guarded. But when a pretty and sweet girl like Bella cries after seeing you, I want to know why."

"She was crying?" I asked mortified.

"Yes. She used the computer and she rushed through here, crying." He implored once more.

"What? She used the goddamn computer?" Dread cursed through me and I slipped into the TV-room immediately. Sure, the one computer was on as she hadn't bothered to switch it off. I had access to everything she had seen. Most of it was about me. From articles, to newspapers and gossip magazines. It was all there, everything that was plastered in the media. Everything I had been avoiding when I was with her. Everything I had tried to keep her away from. Even her personal email was open. Mr. Twong was fast though, and switched the screen off, before I really had time to look at anything. This was what I feared most of all. This was why I knew she would hate me. She learned the truth about me on her own and it left me defenseless.

"I don't believe that you should look at that." He said coolly.

"Sorry." I murmured, knowing I had no right to. "Just tell me when she will be back from the doctor and you won't ever see me again."

"She didn't go to the doctor, she left the island. She's gone."

"Oh no." I pushed out of the chair harshly. "Oh fucking no!" Now I would never even have the chance to explain myself. The one chance I had to make sure she would take pity on me was gone. Bella was gone and I knew it all the way into my bones.

oooooOOOOooooo

I was the last person to step off the plane. Jenks and several police officers met me at the tarmac. I was stunned when I was handcuffed immediately upon my arrival and escorted into a black car with dark tinted windows. That was, I guessed, all Mr. Jenks' work to keep this away from the press.

The cops sat stone-faced beside me and never spoke a word. I was brought to the hospital where a doctor swapped my cheek with a huge Q-tip and drew some blood.

"They agreed to release you in my care until the second DNA test is finished. I suspect the situation in Thailand was handled?" Jenks said dispassionately. We hadn't had much of a conversation during the ride from the airport to the hospital.

"Not exactly." I muttered and rolled down my sleeve. We were alone for a few minutes in the hospital room. He paled vastly and drops of sweat beaded on his forehead. "Jenks, I need you to find someone for me. She figured it out before I could get to her."

"What's her name?" He said coldly, clearly pissed off.

"Bella Dwyer."

"I presume she's the messy situation you knew how to handle." He drawled sarcastically, not waiting for me to retaliate. I had known Jenks since my parents died, he had handled all my affairs back then to. He had an edge to be rude at times, but I usually overlooked it. "Where's she from?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but then I realized I had no clue. "The states." I mumbled dryly.

He stared at me incredulously. "Is that all you're going to give me?"

I snorted. "It's all I got." I paused feeling a little relieved he wasn't going to let more insults hail down on me. "So am I allowed to leave L.A.?"

Jenks sighed heavily and I was sure I was not his favorite person right now. "As long as I escort you and until the second DNA test comes back, yes, you can leave L.A. Anywhere specific you feel like going to fuck your life even more?"

I rolled my eyes. "The opposite actually. I need to set the record straight. I want to go see Tanya."

Jenks gaped dumbfounded at me. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

I cocked a brow at him. I had enough. "Do I look like I'm fucking kidding? Now pack up the snotty attitude. I'm paying you a shitload of money to handle my affairs. I'm not paying for your personal opinion. Shut the fuck up, Jenks, and take me to Seattle! I need to see Tanya and afterwards you're going to find Bella for me. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir." He answered quietly taking a complete one eighty on his attitude. "I only wanted you to understand it's your future that is at risk."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You think I don't know that? You think I'm that goddamn naïve? I have no explanation for why my DNA tested positive for raping that poor girl, but I never went near her. So yes, I understand perfectly well that my free time perhaps is very limited. That's why I need to see Tanya, because it may just be my last chance. So stop being a fucking stick in the wheel and earn your keep for once!" I spat. I put my sweatshirt back on and zipped it up. I pulled the hood up to cover my face. "Get me out of here." I ordered.

oooooOOOOooooo

I knocked on the back door, feeling like a creepy fucker for sneaking in through the back garage. But it was safer and easier to avoid any unwanted attention coming in this way. I hated my life had panned out to this, but now it was my only option. I listened to the footsteps sounding from inside and my heart started racing. I had no clue if she even wanted to see me.

Matt stared at me with his mouth hanging open for a long moment. "I didn't think we would see you again." He said quietly, but stepped aside. "Come on in, Edward."

I slipped past him. Matt was Tanya's fiancée and we used to go to the same high school, only he was a year above me. We had been on the swim team together, but never really been friends. It wasn't until Tanya and I broke up that I understood why we weren't. I always liked him personally, but he never made an effort to get to know who I was or even talk to me. So when Tanya and I broke up it was perfectly clear why. He went straight for her. Never once did he make a move while I was with her, but the second she was single he didn't waste his time. I was pissed off at first, but when I realized he always had a crush on her. That was why we weren't friends back then. Tanya didn't give him the time of day for months, but somehow he convinced her. Five years later, they were still together and getting married.

"Will she see me?" I asked carefully, pulling the hood of my sweater down.

He nodded. "She was afraid to call you. She thought you wouldn't want to see her." Matt pointed out kindly and paused. "This is quite a mess, huh?"

"Yeah." I admitted. "It is."

"She's out in the den, taking a nap." Matt paused again and I turned to go through the house. "Edward, she'll be glad you're here." He called after me.

"Feels good to be home." I muttered over my shoulder.

Tanya and Matt's house was small, but still it was a good home. It felt warm and comfortable to be here, as it had many times before. Whenever I had the chance to come back to Seattle, this was my favorite place to stay. I would rather be here with friends than at a hotel.

I had sold my parents' house two years ago. I wasn't in town much, but when I was I hated staying there. It was haunted with the essence of my family and they were gone. It was a perfectly good house, but not a home to me anymore. So it was time to let it go. So coming back to Seattle Tanya and Matt's were the only place I could stay if not at a hotel.

I crouched down next to Tanya, who was curled up on a small sofa placed in a lone ray of sunlight. It was a rare sunny day, compared to the normal drizzle of Seattle. Her long strawberry curls were strewn across the green fabric and her breathing was shallow.

"Hey, sweetheart." I murmured. She curled deeper under the fabric while moistening her bottom lip.

"I could swear I just heard your voice, Edward, but that just isn't true." She mumbled with her eyes closed.

"You wanna bet?" I grinned softly. Slowly she peeled her one eye open, but quickly closed it again. Tears rolled from her eyes immediately. "Why are you crying, Tanya?" I asked distraught.

"I destroyed your life." She murmured. "I'm so sorry, Edward." She opened her eyes and the tears just kept coming. I was able to catch a few but gave up quickly.

"You'll only destroy me if you tell me I hurt you back then." I paused. I kissed her forehead softly. "Please don't tell me that. Just tell me that we both wanted it."

She propped to her elbow and wiped her tears, staring at me flabbergasted. "Oh, Edward. You know you didn't hurt me." She said softly.

"Then why is this happening, Tanya? Why would you parents do this to me?" I asked gently and stroked her hair. I had no romantic feelings towards her what so ever, but over the years she had become such a dear friend. Someone who knew my moods and pains, especially from when I lost my family.

"That's the oldest motive in the world?" She cocked a brow at me.

"Money, I suspect."

"Correct, you are." She smiled sheepishly.

I gaped at her. "They're doing this for money? But why?"

"They never liked you to begin with. So about two months ago when Matt asked me to marry him, mom was gloating about how she was so proud her daughter saved herself for the right one. I couldn't help but pour salt in her wound and tell her that she was wrong. I told her about us. I told her that you were my first just to shut her up. Now they want to make some money by dragging your name through the mud. They're counting on you to settle, to keep this out of the tabloids."

"So this where this comes from? Petty jealousy? I knew your parents were shallow, but this much. I'm surprised." I whispered mortified that someone could be this cruel just to earn a few bucks.

"Me too." She paused and rubbed her face. She finally looked at me, with her curls running wild around her face. "This other girl, I know you couldn't have hurt her, Edward."

I looked down and nodded. I sat down beside her on the small sofa. "I didn't. I swear."

"Don't look so sad, Edward. You can fight this." She said softly and sat up.

"I'm going to. I'm going to fight, but I just don't know if that's enough anymore." I paused. "I might have made another mistake." I murmured.

Tanya leaned to my shoulder. "Woman trouble?" She smiled kindly.

"The worst kind. I fell in love, Tanya." I met her gentle eyes, feeling the loneliness creep under my skin. Saying it out loud was making losing Bella all the more real.

"That doesn't sound so bad?" She smiled softly.

"It is bad. She's gone now and I can't find her. I wanted to tell her about the whole thing, but I don't know where she is. I had to ask my lawyer to do it, so it might be a while until I see her again."

"I'm so sorry for you."

"Yeah, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself right now too." I hesitated. "But I need a plan for all of this to work."

"Sounds like you have one already." She nudged my shoulder. "Tell me about it."

"First of all, I'm not going to settle with you parents. They're not getting a penny from me. I can only hope for a miracle on the DNA match with the rape victim, and lastly I'm going to find Bella again. I'm not letting her go."

"Good for you, Edward." She giggled quietly. "Who's Bella?" She asked after a moment.

"She's the one that got away." Tanya laughed gently a tamed a few locks of hair behind her ear.

I stayed with Tanya for the duration of my stay in Seattle. The only person I spoke to was Jenks, I ignored all other calls and stayed completely hidden away. Matt insisted that first night that I stayed for dinner, and then stayed the night. I never met a man with that much patience. I hogged all of his time with Tanya, but he never said anything. I played some piano on their old wooden upright that was completely out of tune, but it helped me alleviate my stress to let my fingers flow over the keys. I did a lot of sketching in my journal during the nights when I couldn't sleep and the motive was always the same - long brown hair, brown eyes as deep as endless pools and the lovely smile that graced her lips once in a while. I had no pictures of her, so this was my only way to remember Bella.

Four days into my torments, freedom came and found me. I stood in Tanya's living room when the news was delivered. I have never had one single emotion disable me so completely as when Jenks personally gave me the news. I literally fell to my knees and cried like a goddamn baby. My DNA cleared and charges against me were dropped. I hadn't realized how stressed I was until that particular little bomb was dropped. I was never fully explained why I tested positive in the first place, they weakly blamed it on some faulty equipment and I didn't dig any further, but just counted my lucky stars.

Another two days later the arraignment with Tanya's parents was put to the test. Tanya insisted to stand by my side and show her support to the judge. Someone in the heavens had to be holding his hand over me, because the charged was dropped almost immediately following the Romeo and Juliet clause and the fact the case was almost expired due to the time frame of five since Tanya and I had been dating. Her parents left empty handed. Tanya didn't speak to them, nor would she ever again.

oooooOOOOooooo

"Tanya, why did you actually break up with me at the time?" I asked. She never did explain exactly why she dumped me. I hadn't really felt any heartache at the break up, but I was a bit of an emotional mess at the time. It wasn't long after my parents and Elizabeth died.

She sighed and put her mineral water down. Matt was in the kitchen cleaning up and out of hearing range. "It was the right thing to do." She said quietly. She played with her fork on the empty plate.

"You weren't in love with me?" I teased and smirked at her.

"I was. Very much, actually."

I frowned at her, not expecting that answer. "Then why did you?"

"Edward, you lost your parents. But more significantly you lost Elizabeth and I lost one of my best friends. We were both in a lot of pain." She paused. "We were in way over our heads, we were young and then we started to have sex. Things got really intense and it scared me. We were headed for disaster if one of us didn't do something. I knew you wouldn't, because of your emotional stress, you wouldn't see the picture clearly enough to figure it out."

"But you figured out we were on a collision course?" I took a sip of the wine and leaned back in my chair.

"I didn't." She paused. "Matt did."

I gaped at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, Edward. We would have ended up getting married much too young or I would have ended up knocked up if we kept going. One way or the other we were too distraught to have such a serious relationship even if we did love each other. It was an unhealthy bond for the both of us at the time, because of what happened to people we loved. Matt made me see that."

"There you go mentioning Matt again." I glanced over my shoulder to find him standing apprehensively at the door with his arms across his chest. "He broke us up?" I blurted.

Tanya answered. "Yes. We would have destroyed each other, Edward. Can't you see that now?"

I glared at Matt again. "And here I thought you were just an innocent bystander." I threw at him. I was feeling a slight resentment learning this news. Had I known this back then I would have beaten the shit out of him. I had a problem with my anger back then, but sitting here in their kitchen I was glad I had learned to control my temper.

"I thought you knew." Matt said carefully.

"Not really, but it does change my perspective a bit." I hissed.

Tanya placed her hand over mine. "Does it really matter now, Edward? It worked out for the best for both of us. You have your career and Matt and I have something else." She smiled secretively.

"Some fucking career." I muttered under my breath. There wasn't much to salvage after my name had been pulled through the ringer. "I think I can consider that a bust now."

Tanya took my hand. "I know nothing about show business, but I have an idea." She drew a deep breath. "I think you should publicly clear your name. I think you should make a loud and clear statement and be open to the public, just this once. I know you're very private person, Edward. Just this time I think you should let everyone see the gentle soul that hides beneath all this armor and the heart stopping smile."

"Tanya, I might as well crucify myself." I rolled my eyes at her. Going to the public with this would be a feast for the press and they would feed off this for months and twist every little goddamn thing I said.

"I'll go with you, Edward. If I'm right by your side and I show them you're my friend, then your word will hold that much more credibility."

I stared at her bluntly. She made a lot of sense, I could see that suddenly. "That's actually kind of smart. I'm not sure my lawyer will go for it though. But I might just try it on for size."

oooooOOOOooooo

Jenks was thrilled with the idea and he was quick to arrange a conference within twenty four hours. Tanya was adamant about doing this with me and wouldn't hear of it when I told her she didn't have to. Matt came along to L.A. because he didn't want to be away from her. I wasn't angry with him anymore, but I saw what he could see back then. Tanya and I would have destroyed each other when we were in our teens.

Tanya looked like she was ready to pass out, just before we ventured out into public. I was in awe she was brave enough to face the agitated crowd and let them have a piece of her personal life. She was completely out of her element.

Gathered out back after the conference her hands and body was shaking like a leaf when Matt hugged her. They talked softly for a while, before she turned to me.

"I wanted to show you this before you go, Edward." She said softly. Tanya handed me a dark muddled photo. I turned it over a few times trying to figure out what the hell it was. Then it dawned on me. "Oh, shit! You're pregnant?" I blurted.

She nodded and a huge smile broke her face in half. "It's still really really early and we're not telling anyone yet. I just wanted to show you. We went to have a scan last week. Matt was through the roof when we found out." She beamed.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart." I hugged my arms around her shoulders. "I know you always wanted a big family."

"Don't jinx it, Edward." She warned softly.

"I wouldn't dare." I laughed. "I'll miss you." I whispered, just before I let her go.

"I'll see you soon." She responded. I watched her and Matt leave the venue hand in hand and I felt horribly alone again. I wished I was able to hold the hand of the girl I was in love with.

Jenks was submerged in conversation, but I didn't care I was interrupting. "I need to get out of here." I said briskly.

Jenks nodded. "Where?"

Pain and relief was squashing my chest at the same time. It was getting harder to breathe. "Anywhere." I muttered. Though I was a free man, I felt nothing like it. I was sinking in my own depression and I wanted solitude.

I sat in the back of the car with Jenks. "I have some news for you." Jenks said.

My heart picked up a few hard beats. "You found Bella?"

"I did." He answered and paused, while I was about to faint. "But I doubt it was your Bella. The Bella Dwyer you mentioned doesn't exist. Never have, never will, Edward. I looked everywhere. There's no one. Let her go."

I stared emptily out of the window. "Never." I muttered. I was never ever going to give up trying to find her. My Bella was out there and I would find her, no matter the cost. I closed my eyes and let devastation was over me. I loved her and I missed her. I wanted to be by her side. Nothing else mattered.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Don't forget to check out my latest story and the outtake on what is going on between Jasper and Alice. The story is called **_**Four Weeks**_**.**

**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**I want to thank those of you who reviewed and added me to your alerts. It is nice to see that there are people out there who like what I try to do at the best of my ability.**

**If you are curious to know what exactly is going on between Alice and Jasper. Read my other story **_**FOUR WEEKS. **_**It is also posted on here. That is the tale of the romance that Alice is experiencing at the moment. **

**I hope to see your name in the comments below.**

**Enjoy**

**oooooOOOOooooo**

**Chapter 16**

Over the next weeks I had decided to face another ghost of mine. I needed to tell my mother that I was pregnant. I hadn't seen her since I had been back from Thailand and I returned months ago. I frequently spoke to my dad on the phone, but that was okay because he was in Forks. I really had no excuse for not seeing my mother she lived only a few stops away on the train. I had had a handful of conversions with her but no face to face confrontations. If I had to be brutally honest I feared her reaction because I knew exactly what it was going to be. So I avoided her at all costs. I knew it was mean, but my mother and I had less than nothing in common, so why push the subject.

I dressed in shorts and a loose black top with long sleeves. It had been very warm the last couple of days, even for September. I wanted to wear something subtle that didn't scream _I'm pregnant_. I wasn't able to hide it physically any longer, not that I was concealing it in any way, but I found no reason to provoke her, the announcement was enough in itself for a full on epileptic melt down.

I took the train to my mother's. I was spending my entire day off at my old home and with her. I regretted profoundly that I had made plans to be there for that extended period of time and not having made a backup plan with Alice. Backup plans usually contemplated Alice calling and me abruptly leaving for her rescue. It wouldn't be the first time we had done it.

The train was hot and I was getting sticky and uncomfortable, though, I wouldn't blame being uncomfortable on the heat rather than the mission I was on. I chewed my nails to the skin as the train slowly passed through the stops on the way.

I got off the train and started walking the short distance to my mom's place. When we had moved back to New York, my mother had insisted on the address where the mail would be delivered rather than on the house itself. The residence could be in better condition and it could be bigger, but it was the right address and it had been my home for about two and a half years. By then I was off to college with Jacob. I had insisted to live in the city and not with my parents, which mainly meant having the luxury of not living with my mother.

I walked quietly through the front door, bracing myself with a deep cleansing breath. I needed all the strength that I could gather. "Mother." I call out into the empty hall. She elegantly entered from the kitchen with a big smile plastered in the center of her face. My mother was a bit of a wacko and she was thin, almost to the extreme. She exercised like a maniac. She said she was healthy, I thought she was anorexic.

"Bella, lovely to see you." She chimed exuberantly. I planted an appropriate happy-to-see-you-to-smile on my face. I hoped it didn't look as phony as I felt and as fake as my mother's acrylic nails. She hugged me and I gave her a half one armed enfold back, tilting my body so my belly would bump into her.

She stepped back and her too red lips that outlined her smile fell as she studied my face. "You've gained weight." She stated. Gaining weight to her was like death sentence. If I actually killed someone it would raise less alarm in her book. I knew I had gained weight and that was mainly due to my pregnancy. In contrary to my mother, I was thrilled that I no longer looked like a teen after a growth spurt before the curves hit. I had a little shape, I had boobs and my face was rounder now. Though, the best thing was my legs no longer looked like dried out twigs anymore.

"Yes." I smiled with confidence.

"Oh." That was her only answer. This announcement wasn't going to go over quietly. Then again I never expected that it would.

"Let's go into the kitchen." I pushed her gently back towards the kitchen. I made her sit at the counter deciding not to avoid what I came here to say. "Mom." I hesitated. I never normally called her mom. "I'm pregnant." I kept my voice firm and strong. I watched her face, as a wide range of emotions, none of them positive, flickered across her face. I sat in silence as her eyes flashed to my stomach, then to my face and back again. Her narrow red lips, disappeared completely as she mashed them together in anger. She was almost like an enraged bull with gushing pants of air forced through her nostrils. Then she started flinging questions at me, like bullets from a machine gun.

"Did you get married?" She fumed.

"No." I decided it was best to keep my answers short and uncomplicated. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Seriously, you didn't exactly need to be married to get pregnant.

"Are you engaged?" She asked coldly. It was obvious that I was a disappointment, but I wouldn't let her get to me. I was happy with the decision that I had made.

"No."

"Do you at least have a boyfriend?" That was the last of her options and the least attractive one.

"No." I admitted firmly. Images of Edward and his heart stopping smile flashed before my eyes. I wished I could say yes to that question, but I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it. I had run from him when things got complicated. It was my own fault. Why would he even want me anyway?

"Who's the father?" She muttered menacingly quiet.

"A man." I stated the obvious arrogantly. That seemed to enrage her further.

"Who?" She demanded with a voice that was like cold steel.

"He's not in the picture." I couldn't help think how these questions would continue if I told her the truth. Edward may not be in the picture, but I'd bet the questions would soften if she know the truth.

"So you're alone?" She almost sounded blissful at the prospect I was alone and it was the proper punishment that I needed for my actions.

"No." I answered. Her eyes narrowed into little mean slits. "Alice and I are doing this together." My answer made the color of her too tanned face grow two shades darker. To put it mildly my mother loathed Alice, I was never been able to figure out why. To me she was just open and bubbly.

"Why Alice?" She sneered.

"Because she offered." I countered immediately.

"Did you ever think what people are going to say?"

"I don't care what people will say. It's none of their business. Renée, I'm happy about this and I made my decision." I hoped I sounded as confident as I felt. I wanted the message to be short and clear, nothing that could be misconstrued. My mother stopped the attack right then and there. The rest of the day was awkward, but I ignored her discontentment and was flawlessly polite towards her. At least I thought so. I knew my mother was ashamed and disappointed with me, but truth be told, I was ashamed and disappointed with her as well.

She didn't ask one question about me or the baby, nothing regarding my well being or her coming grandchild. Mainly she acted like I hadn't told her. When it all came down to the wire, if she didn't ask me I wouldn't tell anything. I fed her no further information about my life. I felt empowered I had withstood her attack so firmly and not faltered, not one bit.

I heard Alice's keys in the door. I was lounging on the sofa, watching crap on TV to distract myself. The visit at my mother's still clung to my mind like gum in the hair - horrible and unfortunate.

"Hey there." Alice chirped. At least she was in a good mood.

"Hey." I could hear the harpy note in my voice.

"Why all the gloom and doom?" She beamed, still annoyingly cheerful. She kicked her shoes off in the hall. I threw her a short haughty glance over the back of the couch. "Right, your mother." She sighed. "Gloom and doom indeed. Man that sucks. How was Mrs. Nagging-Hag?"

"Pissed off. It's official." I said and glanced down my abdomen.

"How'd she take the news?" Alice asked and leaned over from behind the couch, giving my stomach a gentle brush.

"Let's just say, the baby is just about as unwanted and as big a disappointment as I am. She didn't exactly call me a whore, but she might as well have. She couldn't fathom how I could get pregnant without a husband, a fiancée or a boyfriend… I guess she should have paid better attention in sex ed." I muttered sourly.

Alice chuckled. "I'm sorry. For what it matters, I'm happy for you." She gave me a peck on the cheek and then skipped toward the kitchen. "Hungry?" I smiled at her overbearingly. All I had to eat was my mother's idea of a nutritious meal consisting of two celery sticks and a boiled carrot. I hated celery sticks. "Of course you are. You had lunch with your mother." She rolled her eyes, like she read my mind.

I could hear her scrambling around in the kitchen, fridge opening and closing, cutlery dropped into the sink. She rounded the sofa after a while and plopped down beside me. She placed a plate carrying a sandwich on my lap.

"She does have a tendency to focus on the really important things." She laughed sardonically. I chuckled as I remembered all the ridiculous things my mother found important and essential to this life.

We ate in silence in front of the TV. It was nice and fairly uncomplicated to be around Alice. There weren't many things that I wanted to keep from her and there weren't many of her questions I wouldn't answer. Also I was extremely grateful for the way she had accepted my messy life and had made hers evolve around me. She was the one that had provided me with a home, when I had none.

She sat the plate on the coffee table and glanced at me with a speculative twinkle in her eye. "Can I ask you something?"

I frowned. "Sure." I muttered knowing fairly well I was probably going to regret this.

"I have this theory. I know you say, you don't know who the father of your baby is, that he is no one of importance, but I have a feeling that he's important." I stayed perfectly still hoping she would just let it go. My heart rate spiked and I bit down on my lip. "I think you know exactly who he is, but you just don't want to tell for some reason." I still kept quiet. "Is he somebody you know? Somebody I know?" She asked trying to rein in her elation when she realized she was getting closer. It was like she was bouncing excitedly off the couch.

"Try the entire western hemisphere." I muttered carefully. She looked at me confused. I sighed and decided that now was a good time to tell her. I trusted her to keep my secret. I got off the couch and headed for my room.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to show you who the father is."

"So I do know him." She squealed euphorically at her conclusion.

"Sort of." I shrugged. I opened the drawer in my night stand, moved the photo album aside and snatched the stack of pictures I had hidden there months ago. I flipped through them quickly, feeling like my chest was being squashed from the ache and longing for Edward. Months had passed and I still missed him horribly. I hauled in a deep breath and went back to the living room, sitting down next to Alice again handing her the photos.

Alice's mouth was hanging open, completely flabbergasted and she was quiet. I could tell she was struggling what to make of this when she flipped through the picture I took of our last day together. Her expression changed slowly as it looked like she was getting the point. "For real?" She mouthed.

"For real, for real," I answered seriously.

"Let me get this straight." Alice's face changed to glowing. "You're telling me that you slept with him. The hottest guy like... like ever?" Her eyes widened so far I feared they would pop out of her head.

"I wouldn't put it like that… but yes." I rolled my eyes and tried a little humor. "Seriously Alice... Guys?" I teased. She shrugged and her cheeks warmed. She returned to the pictures again and flipped through them once more.

"You fucked the hottest guy _ever_ and end up knocked up. I'm impressed." Alice's head bumped up and down like a hood ornament. "Good thing I know you so well or one might think..."

"Hey! Don't go there. And he's just a person, not a country." I stated grimly.

"Seriously sweetheart…Edward Cullen is not '_just a person'_, it's like… it's like you screwed the President for crying out loud."

"Alice!" I warned and shot her a dirty look.

"Lighten up, Bella... jeez. You're sitting on a pot of gold here." Alice smiled exuberantly. "Not exactly sitting, but you know what I mean." She paused. "He has a right to know. You know that, right?" I could feel her eyes almost poking sharply at me.

"I know, I just need to figure out how." My hands started sweating at the thought of telling Edward. He would hate me forever. I told him it wasn't possible for me to end up in this situation, so basically I lied. I was so afraid when he did learn the truth that he wouldn't ever want to see me again. I was so afraid. "I need time."

"I don't mean to burst you bubble, sweetheart, but you're sort of running out of time." I wished she didn't remind me. I was perfectly comfortable in my little bubble where I had all the time in the world.

I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. "I know."

"Bella…"Alice's voice was soft and gentle when she admonished me. "Anyway, back to the point. How was he?" She looked like she was ready to pick every juicy detail from my brain.

"No no, no. We're so not going there." I shook my head.

"Arggh… come on." Alice whined theatrically and pouted. "Some of these pictures are pretty indecent." She waved one photo in front of me. Edward was lying with his head on my stomach and my free arm hardly covered my exposed chest when my other hand held the camera above us and snapped the shot. "Is that actually your boobs? Was he good?"

"No! I'm not telling you anything." My voice was firm. I got up, snatched my precious photos back and headed for my room. I was in desperate need of a scenery change. "Hey Alice..." She looked at me disappointed. "He was _awesome_." I simply couldn't help myself. I closed the door to my room and I heard Alice cheering in the next room.

I pulled my pants off and put on my sweats. That was so much more comfortable. I seriously needed to get some new pants soon. I just wasn't thrilled having to buy maternity clothes. It would make everything so much more final. I was a mother to be. The problem was my normal clothes were just getting too uncomfortable and my shirts, even the long ones, were being stretched to their limits and were unable to cover the rubber band holding the button in my jeans. I reentered the living room.

"Yeah, so I have a lot of questions." Alice stated without further ado as soon as my door opened.

"I could imagine." I sighed and sat down next to her again.

"Can I?" she beamed ecstatic, not waiting for my approval. "Where did you meet him?"

"Thailand... you know where I went, Alice." I stared at her incredulously.

"Oh yeah, that's right. How was he?" Her eyes were glued to me, waiting impatiently.

"Alice." I whined, because I didn't particularly want to share intimate details.

"I don't mean _that_." She snorted mockingly. "I mean, how was he? Nice... charming... hot... smart... conceited..." I cut her off.

"All of the above really, well except for that last one."

"Really?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, he was nice and kind and gentle. He's not really as you'd think, he's... well different?" I shrugged, trying not to let the somber realization that he wasn't mine, and would probably never want me, dull my evening.

"Different how?"

"I don't know. He draws and he writes all kinds of stuff. He plays the piano, loves music and he's sort of the thinking type, you know, it's hard to describe. He's... er... insightful."

"You're blushing." Alice's voice softened, she bounced around the sofa so she could face me properly. "You _like_ him!"

"He's gone." I muttered feebly.

"He might be gone, but you still have to tell him." Her voice changed from light to serious. "Bella what happened between the two of you in Thailand?" Alice's voice was still solemn, but there was an undertone to it. She knew that something had happened, just not what. I had tried to hide it when I got home, but it hadn't gone unnoticed by Alice.

I decided to tell her the truth again. "You remember a few months back, at the time when I got back?" she nodded vigorously. "Do you remember the rumors there were running at the time? He got arrested... the charges against him?" I worked on keeping my voice steady and even.

"Oh my God, the rape charges." Alice mouthed stunned. "But what does that have to do with you?"

"I'm getting to that part." I pointed out impatiently. I started telling the story in bits, leaving out quite a few details. I told her about how we had spent a few days together. How he had been nothing but understanding when it came to Jacob. How we had ended up having sex and the finally how I had discovered the allegations on the internet and I had run home, as fast as I could.

"I see." she said. I simply nodded. "Are you telling me, you had absolutely no idea who he was when you met him?" Oh that was what she was getting at. Typical Alice.

"No."

"Seriously... are you retarded? He's like the hottest guy on the planet." She stared at me with disbelief.

"There you go with the guy thing again." I said mockingly and rolled my eyes at her. As gorgeous as Edward might be, he was still a person behind the perfect exterior. Quite perfect I had to admit.

Alice ran her tongue over her front teeth a few times, drawing an uneasy breath. "Whatever. The point is, you didn't know? How could you not know?" She asked confused.

"I was lost Alice. I hardly recognized my own reflection at the time, so why would I notice anyone around me?"

"Okay. It's just impressive. Would you have, I mean, if you knew who he was?"

"Definitely not!" I knew what she was implying and there was no way I would have jumped at him had I known who he was. "Look Alice, the thing is and you know this, I was having such a hard time getting over Jacob, I was getting nowhere here. So I left and I tried to get better but I just couldn't figure out how to do that. Along comes this guy and he says all the right stuff and he _understands_. He helped me and he made me feel so much better. In truth, I think he saved me from having to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell. So please just stop acting like... this. He's a person to me, nothing else."

"You do realize what you sound like, right? Alice chuckled.

"Disgustingly cheesy, I know, but it doesn't make it any less true."

"As I told you, you're sitting on a pot of gold here. I wonder what the press would pay for this kind of info..." I abruptly cut her off.

"Alice you wouldn't!" My voice was arctic.

"Hey! Easy there, hormonella, I was just kidding."

"It's not funny." I muttered.

"Actually, I think it is." She grinned again. "Look at it this way. You're the saddest girl in the world, no offense, you travel to paradise, meet a dreamboat of a guy, he's famous, and you have no idea who he is. You get knocked up, and... well I don't know how it's gonna end yet, but knowing you, it will be something overly dramatic and romantic. I might as well just have read you the plot line to a horribly lame movie released directly on DVD. It _is_ a little ironic, don't you think?"

"It really sounds awful when you put it that way." It might sound like that, but it certainly didn't feel like that. It felt confusing and gut-wrenching all the time.

"On another and more serious note. You know the charges were dropped, right." The smile was gone and her eyes were honest all of a sudden.

"Of course I do. I saw the interview." Deep down inside of me, I hadn't needed to see that interview. I already knew Edward would never harm another person in that degrading way.

"Well I'm not putting my money on what you do and do not know these days." She drawled scornfully and paused. "Can I ask another one? This one's serious."

"Will I regret answering?" I countered and cocked a brow at her.

"No, I don't think so?" she sighed. "Are you in love with him?" I met her sincere eyes.

"I've only been in love once, and know what that felt like. This is different, it _feels_ different, like more. I don't know what it is... or was. Doesn't really matter anymore, does it?" It felt so good to tell Alice about exactly how confused I was. I was nice to finally open up a bit.

"Bella, honey, if you do decide you're in love with him, I'm pretty sure that it is okay."

I swallowed. "Thanks." The word came out as a strangled whisper. I felt drained and I was tired, emotionally exhausted when it came to Edward. I leaned my head to the back of the couch. "Speaking of love. How are things going with Jasper? Did you like her present?" Alice's mouth popped open for a nano-second. I smiled gleefully for a brief moment. Remembering Jasper's face today when she stumbled into the bookstore was priceless. It had to be a coincidence she ended up at my workplace, buying that specific book about lingerie.

"How did you know that?" She gasped.

"I do work at a bookstore, Alice. I sold her that copy." I chuckled amused. It wasn't often I was able to stun Alice into silence. I was going to savor this.

"Oh god." She paused for moment and shook her head entertained. "It's going great actually." She bit down at the tip of her tongue nervously.

"I figured it wasn't a fluke she picked that specific book for you. I sometimes do your laundry." I teased. Alice had a knack for the feminine and frilly French lingerie and I knew that was where a substantial amount of her money went. Jasper had to know that too, to get her that book. Her face flushed scarlet.

"Please just… don't go there."

"Oh," I feigned ignorance. "Is it uncomfortable having your privacy being picked apart?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Just shut up. I get the picture."

"I'm glad you do." I answered snidely. It was silent for a moment and we watched some TV. "Why her?" I asked.

"Jasper?" Alice asked confused. I nodded. Alice looked down at her fingers for a moment, pondering. "She makes my blood sing in my veins." She answered. "She makes me not want to be alone. For the first time I'm not scared to admit how I feel. I don't want to hide my confusion about what I am from her, because I'm not confused when I'm with her." She answered quietly and honestly.

I muted the TV, eliminating the irritating voices. "Are you in love with her? So soon?"

"I think I fell in love with her the moment that I saw her." Alice's eyes were big and vulnerable, swimming with emotions.

"Love at first sight, huh?"

"Something like that. I never experienced more than a crush, but now I just want to embrace it all."

"Does she feel the same way?" I asked puzzled, when I realized this was far more serious than I first assumed.

Alice shrugged. "Not sure yet. I hope so though, but she just needs to figure that out." Alice smiled and tapped her temple. She always had a tendency to read situations very well.

I nodded, loving that for once she was being completely honest with me. My best friend was giving me a piece of her mind. "Invite her over. She seems nice and I would like to get to know her."

"It might be a while yet. But I will ask her."

"So when are you going out again?"

"Saturday. Just dinner and perhaps a drink." She answered quietly.

"Maybe I could say hello to her then." I paused. "She's very calm."

"She knows herself and who she is. That's why." Alice answered immediately, almost filled with pride.

"That kind of makes me jealous. I wish I knew who the hell I was." I muttered.

"Yeah, me too. But with Jasper, I get to know new parts of myself. Parts I ignored and refused to see existed."

I bit my lip. "Like being gay?"

Alice shrugged. "That too, but also how it feels to be in love and feel there might be a future with her on the horizon. I know it's early, but it's a very invigorating feeling."

I smiled sadly, wishing I knew that. I gently grazed my hand over my swollen belly. I would love to know the feeling of having a future with Edward, if I ever dared to come clean to him. I decided to stop the depressing thought. "What about your parents? You know what they will say." I said softly. Her parents and my mother were a lot alike. They had ideas and conformities to how life should be for their kids. It wouldn't sit well with them knowing who their daughter was currently kissing.

Alice's eyes widened with trepidation. "I can't tell them." She mumbled.

I put my hand over hers. "Sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She shrugged. "I guess I have to face it at some point. But for now, I'm going to live in blissful ignorance and date who ever I want."

I smiled vaguely. "Good. I got your back when or if that day comes when you need to tell them." I paused, while she smiled meekly. "I'm going to bed. Good night, Alice."

"Night, Bella." She said softly and turned to the TV.

I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I rolled to my side. Sleeping on my back was another thing that was getting too uncomfortable. Thoughts started swirling around in my head. I tried to push them away, mentally making a list of chores I had for tomorrow. But it didn't do me any good. I pushed the covers away and grabbed my IPod. I curled up on my side again, putting the headphones in. I pushed play, and turned the volume down to a soft level. This did the trick when there were things in my head I didn't want to think about. Even though I knew I needed to deal with Edward, and soon. The music slowly made me escape to unconsciousness and I fell asleep.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you liked a little heart to heart between Bella and Alice. Please tell me what you think**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**I had a One Shot featured on the 9****th**** of Feb with Dirty Cheeky Monkeys - Squeeze my Lemon, called **_**Happy Birthday, My Love**_**. It is hot and sultry, mixed in with a lot of other naughty stuff. I added it to my own site. Check it out if you dare and leave me a piece of you mind.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**I want to thank those of you who reviewed and to ALL of you who me to your alerts. **

**To those of you reading the parallel story FOUR WEEKS, you already met Emmett, for those of you who don't, well here goes nothing.**

**I know that many of you had problems commenting, that should be fixed by now, so I hope to hear what you think.**

**Enjoy**

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**Chapter 17**

It was funny how my life changed, when it wasn't really my life that altered. It was Alice's life and therefore undeniable mine too. I basically had no life besides work, reading and Alice.

There was one simple way of saying this - Alice was in love. Large, all consuming, lifetime commitment, brilliant smiles, eyes only for Jasper in love with her. Seeing the two of them so sweet together, it was hard imagining them ever being apart or that they led separate lives not that long ago.

Slowly, I got to know Jasper. She wasn't shy or reserved, but just so damn careful around me. It was freaking me out at times. At some point it got to be too much and I asked her to relax quiet forcefully. I never minded having Jasper around, because she was extremely nice and a gentle respectful person, impossible not to be fond of.

It was painful to watch Alice and Jasper at times, when I longed so much for what I realized I might have had with Edward had I not bolted from him. Seeing how Jasper looked at Alice, it reminded me of how Edward had looked at me on the beaches of Thailand.

Often, I could hear them talk into the wee hours of the night. They would lie on the couch, legs tangled, talking and laughing gently. Jasper had always been the missing piece in Alice's life and the same went for Jasper. They completed each other perfectly.

It was pretty clear to me when their relationship moved from flirting to serious, or to translate that, they started having sex. They were never flamboyant about it in anyway, I just happened to stumble into situations where I couldn't avoid them.

I had a habit of eating in the middle of the night. That was when low muted and private sounds would sometimes emanate from their room. Yes, their room. Jasper never spent the night at her place anymore. Not since the day Alice's collection almost went up in flames. It was like the two of them were attached at the hip from that day.

My nightmares continued with unaltered force. That was the main reason for me eating in the middle of the night. I needed to get up, so that I could go back to sleep without the nightmare continuing. I needed the distraction. That was the first time I spotted them. When I opened my eyes after my night terror finally let me go that specific day, I saw Alice quietly close my door. I had no clue to what the hell she was doing in my room at this hour. After a few minutes of pondering I followed her and snuck out into the living room. The door to their room was open which it never was. Jasper was sitting up in their bed with the sheets clutched to her front. Alice sat down close to her. A dim sidelight cast shadows into their room as Jasper started running her fingers through Alice's hair. I watched awed as the love between them was so radiant and clear that it was impossible not to feel just a little bit jealous of what they shared. To have someone love you with that level of devotion, that Jasper looked at Alice with, was mind blowing. After less than a minute Alice lifted her arms above her head and Jasper pulled Alice's top off. "Make love to me," Alice breathed quietly. Jasper smiled softly just before their mouths connected. Jasper's hand ran tenderly up Alice's bare back, caressing her skin.

I quickly escaped unnoticed and hungry to my room after that. I found my IPod and listened to music until the dawn broke through.

Our apartment wasn't small, but avoiding them or situations like that proved to be close to impossible. That night was only one of many.

So when saying my life was changing, it was because I was always included in their harmony and they never left me out whenever they made dinner, went to a movie, going to a bar. I was always invited, but I very rarely accepted.

I had only had one problem with Alice and we fought over it continually. She was having a difficult time accepting that I hadn't told Edward about the baby. She refused to acknowledge my chosen path to wait. She pushed the subject whenever she could, but every time I got even more stubborn and refused. I wanted to resolve the situation, but I didn't want her to meddle, but she refused to back down. We were at an impasse on the matter.

oooooOOOOooooo

I threw myself on my bed. I was dead tired after work. I had swallowed a sandwich on my way home. My pregnancy was taking its toll and I was getting heavy, severely so. My eyes suddenly fixated on something stuck to the ceiling. I suddenly locked eyes with the green eyed angle I missed every minute of every day. Edward was staring down at me with those piercing green eyes that left me breathless. I wanted him... true, but not as a freaking poster on my ceiling. Only one person could have done this!

"ALICE!" I yelled, hauling my strained body from the bed.

"Yes, dear?" Alice answered theatrically from the living room. I could hear them snicker. I stomped out of my room, furious all of a sudden. Alice had blurted the secret about Edward to Jasper. That was just unacceptable.

"What the hell... did you tell her?" I snapped at Alice. I had explicitly told her not to tell anyone. Beside her Jasper sat up to attention.

"No no no," she refused waving her arms like a maniac.

"How could you tell her?" I spat and jabbed a finger rudely in Jasper's direction. "You told her about Edward?" My voice was tainted with betrayal. Why would Alice do this? I knew they were in love and all, but she still didn't have the right to disclose my secrets. The next thing that would happen was my pending baby with Edward would be all over the gossip pages. I noticed Alice's arms fall into her lab like dead fish.

"I didn't! You just did." Alice countered and rolled her eyes at me. Beside her Jasper was gaping.

"Oh... " I breathed stunned, realizing just how stupid I was. "Dammit!" I snarled, mainly at my own stupidity. Jasper's eyes moved rapidly from me to Alice then flashed to my swollen stomach.

"Oh…OH?" She gasped exuberantly, like this was just too good to be true. "Are you telling me that..." She pointed her finger at my belly in vast little jabs. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Yep and no I'm not kidding." Alice's lips narrowed to a tight line. The two of them locked eyes and exploded into an ear-splitting grin simultaneously.

"That's not fair," I whined, when I was suddenly the center of their joke. They just kept laughing at me. I hated it. I turned around and stalked back to my room fuming with rage. I slammed the door hard. This was just too much. I wanted to be alone when the tears came. I tossed myself to the bed once again and I kept staring at my ceiling. Edward was staring right back at me unfaltering. Well he would, now that he was only an inanimate figure in my life and stuck to my ceiling. I ignored Alice and Jasper talking in the living room. I figured Alice was filling in the rest of the details. I closed my eyes and let misery have me.

The knock was soft on my door. "Not now, Alice!" I defused. I was still unbelievable mad at her, even though I was the stupid one who spilled my guts unintentionally.

"It's not Alice." Jasper's voice was soft. "Can I come in?" I wanted to say no, but it probably wouldn't help anything.

"Sure." I sat up and folded my legs underneath me.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked when she peaked in.

"Fine," I retorted sourly.

"You don't look fine." Her eyes were kind when she evaluated me. "I won't tell anyone. You can trust me." She looked sincere and I nodded, strangely knowing that I could trust her. "How is Edward taking this?" she asked. "I hope for your sake he's being supportive."

"He doesn't know that I'm pregnant," I answered befuddled and frowned.

"Oh." She looked genuinely surprised.

"Alice didn't tell you this?" I gaped.

"No. I asked her a while back who the father was when I found out that it wasn't Jacob. She wouldn't tell me. She said if I wanted any further information, I would have to talk to you. Bella, Alice would never go behind your back... you know that, right?" Her voice was soft as silk. "And we're sorry about the poster. We didn't think that it would hurt you. Alice just said you thought Edward was kinda cute. We only meant it as a joke." Jasper shrugged. I secretly liked the way she used plural when she spoke of Alice and her.

'Cute?' That didn't even scratch the surface on how I felt about Edward, but I saw no reason to tell her about that. "Okay."

"Let me know if you need anything. And I told you, I'm not telling anyone." Jasper bit down on the inside of her cheek. "I'm not sure Alice mentioned it, but my brother's coming over for dinner tomorrow."

"You have a brother?"

Jasper took a deep breath and held it in. "That I do. He's like a toy and comes with a clear warning. He's a bit of a handful."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's better you see for yourself. Just remember I warned you." Jasper laughed.

"Okay."

"You wanna watch a movie with us? We were just about to start." She turned before she was out the door, gazing at me.

"No thanks. I think I'll read for a while." I answered, still feeling a slight pang of resentment towards them. I was hormonally irritated and needed to cool off for a while.

oooooOOOOooooo

The next evening the kitchen was buzzing with Alice and Jasper cooking and I was busy setting the table. There was an overload of food for some odd reason. "Older or younger brother?" I asked Jasper.

"Younger. He's twenty-one and a football player," Jasper answered, her face was amused like it had been ever since she got here from work. Alice's was the opposite. She kept licking her teeth and bouncing around like a jack rabbit. Jasper followed my line of sight to Alice. "Baby, it's gonna be fine." Jasper chuckled. Her radiant eyes were sparkling mischievously when looking at Alice.

"Is she nervous?" I mouthed to Jasper behind Alice's back. All this icky love stuff with Jasper had Alice thrown for a loop sometimes. Lately, I had seen sides of her I never knew existed. It was fun.

"Yep," Jasper whispered amused. She turned toward Alice who was stirring the pot, looking pale and shaky. She wasn't her chatty and bubbly usual self. Jasper stroked Alice's cheek and put her arm around her waist. "It'll be fine. I promise." She whispered with a smile and kissed her cheek. For the most part I had gotten used to how they were around each other with their kissing and touching, but at times it was strange to see Alice be so complacent with someone else. She was usually so independent and strong headed, but not with Jasper.

"Okay." Alice sighed deeply. It was amazing how Jasper could wrap Alice around her little finger. Alice was usually the one doing all the wrapping, but with Jasper Alice was like pudding.

I put the forks and knives on each side of the plate. Glasses and napkins were next. There was a loud pounding on the door and I jumped startled when it sounded like someone was going to beat the door down.

"That'll be Emmett." Jasper frowned and threw a glance at both Alice and me that I didn't understand. From the corner of my eye I saw Alice swallow hard. I chuckled. This really was so much fun. She gave me an annoyed glare when she caught me grinning smugly.

"Jasper!" A loud cheerful male voice sounded from the hall.

"You're up to bat." I grinned at Alice, trying not to laugh too hard.

"I've never been introduced as the _girlfriend_ before." She muttered quietly and stomped off towards the hall. I bumped directly into Alice. She had stopped dead in her tracks hardly through the door. We both stared flabbergasted at the mountain of a guy standing in our hall and Jasper hanging off him like a toothpick.

"That's her brother?" I whispered stunned to Alice.

"God, I hope so... I'd hate to defend my girlfriend against that," Alice gasped. The man standing in our hall looked like he was close to six foot six, all muscles and charming dimpled smiles.

"He would snap you like a twig," I joked.

"How can someone that tiny share DNA with someone that big?" Alice mouthed petrified.

"I can hear you, you know." The giant grinned. Jasper descended the mountain and turned towards us with a huge smile.

"This is Emmett. Emmett, this is Alice and Bella. He promised to behave himself." She gave him a pointed look.

"Come on in." I said while I pulled my face together. The least I could do was be polite.

"Thanks." He grinned at me while taking off his thick black jacket. "So you're Alice." He took a step toward tiny Alice who had frozen solid to a spot on the floor.

"How do you know?" She said with an open hanging mouth. _How would he not_? I stared at her in disbelief.

"Well, I guess Jasper didn't get the other one knocked up, so that leaves you." A laugh roared off Emmett's chest. It was like Alice was about to growl under her breath.

"Behave Emmett." Jasper raised a threatening eyebrow that Emmett completely ignored.

"I can't believe how tiny 'ass fondling girl' is." He boomed. I gaped at him as I started to realize Jasper wasn't joking when she warned me about her brother. I turned to Alice.

"Ass fondling girl?" I mouthed at her confused. Alice rolled her eyes.

"You don't wanna know," Alice sighed dramatically.

"Emmett." Jasper groaned. "You promised."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Pixie." He amended. "So, how is my sister's ass to fondle?" Once more he laughed loudly and his cheeks dimpled. Alice narrowed her eyes at him coldly. "I like her." He grinned when that was the only reaction from Alice.

"And what if you didn't?" Alice counted, finding some semblance of her normal confident, don't push me around, sneer.

"She'd dump you like a bad habit."

Jasper smacked Emmett's arm hard. He didn't winch, he just laughed again. "Don't do that," she admonished, looking at Alice to see how she'd taken the news. "Don't listen to him... he's as dumb as he's tall." An awkward silence stretched for a moment. "Oh sorry, this is Bella." Jasper stepped in my direction and put a hand on my shoulder.

I put my polite face on. "Hi." I mouthed and I felt a blush rise. This really was an awkward situation.

We moved to the couch and Alice and Jasper went to the kitchen to finish dinner. Emmett sat down and stretched his legs half way across the room. "So where do you come into all of this." He asked casually, not letting the fact he was somewhere new deter him.

"I live here... with Alice."

"Oh... sorry about the dumping her like a bad habit comment, I was just kidding. She looked so scared couldn't help myself." He shrugged. He had an aura of easiness around his persona and it was strangely contagious.

"That's okay... she was scared half to death." I chuckled.

He leaned back in the seat. "So where's daddy?" He eyed my round mid section.

"Gone." I chewed my lip nervously. That was a conversation I was not having.

"You're not being obnoxious, are you?" Jasper snapped from the kitchen.

"Yes." He winked at me.

"Stop that... _now__!_ You promised to be on your best behavior." Jasper scolded and emerged into the living room holding a knife when I turned to her. "Dinner's almost ready. You're allowed to kick him if is not a perfect gentleman."

"Thanks... I'll remember that," I answered. Jasper disappeared to the kitchen again.

Dinner was a refreshing experience. Jasper and Emmett kept up a very amusing bickering. They argued several times what it entailed to _play nice. _Emmett considered joking and making rude and snide lesbian comments were okay, where as it was often followed by _'that's not fair'_ or _'stop that'_ from Jasper. Alice was often the expense of Emmett's good humor. I couldn't help joining him in taunting Alice. I loved the way his good spirit touched everyone in the room. I could see why Jasper was so glad to see him, but also found it necessary to warm us. There really was no excuse for him. After dinner we sat down in the couches and relaxed. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone eat as much as Emmett did. Good thing Jasper was prepared.

"Anyone want some dessert?" Alice asked and Emmett beamed what was by now a notorious grin. I couldn't imagine him ever turning down food. "Thought I needed to ask," she shrugged.

"I'll help." Jasper offered. "And you..." She poked a finger at the six foot six pile of human sitting next to me. "You play nice."

Emmett smirked. "Don't I always?" It would an earthquake to discourage this guy and a lifetime of discipline to get him to encourage, I suspected.

There was a soft chatting coming from the kitchen, while a delicious scent of warm freshly baked pie and other delicacies filtering through the apartment. It made my mouth water. It suddenly grew quiet in the kitchen while Emmett blabbered about football. I just nodded and pretended to pay attention. Sports were never my thing.

Emmett threw a glance over the back of the couch and smiled wickedly noticing the silence as well. "Hey, you guys aren't making out, are you?" he yelled. The guy was relentless. I smacked his arm the same time a _"shut up"_ sounded from Jasper.

"I was just asking." He bantered back, feigning innocence.

"Do you ever do as you're told?" I mocked.

"Nope. I never play nice... my special charm." He gave me the naughty bad boy grin. I smacked his arm for the second time. "Good thing I don't bruise easily," he said rubbing his arm, pretending that I actually hurt him. The voices picked up from the kitchen again.

Questions I didn't want to ask Jasper found their way to my mouth. I could use her all too good humored brother as a vent for answers. "When did you know about Jasper?" I hoped he didn't have problems with questions about sister's preferences to girlfriends opposite boyfriends. So far he was so much at ease with everything and strangely I was dying to know.

"Always, I think. She was never interested in guys, not the least bit."

"So no boys?" I whispered.

"I don't think so," he answered. "Hey Jasper. Did you ever make out with any guys?" He called toward the kitchen with absolutely no hint of shame. I cringed. So much for going stealth digging for details.

"No way... and eew." Jasper snickered.

"That would be a no." He said like I needed the translation. "So did you always know about Alice?" he asked back.

"No... not really. All of this is fairly new information."

"Really? When did she tell you?" He looked intrigued.

"She didn't. I caught them kissing once. Then I made her tell me." I admitted a little smug.

"Sweet." Emmett approved. "So where's daddy?" he asked after a silent moment. I only shrugged in response. "Complicated?"

"Very." I bit my lip from saying too much. I had a feeling that Emmett's contagious grin could make anybody spill their guts.

"Were not taking about it, are we?"

"You're smart." I raised my brows, mocking him.

"Yeah," he laughed.

Emmett stayed late. I had gone to bed hours ago, but I could hear Jasper and him talking in the living room into the small hours of the night.

Emmett decided to pay us a visit again two days later. He told Jasper it was because he missed her, but I figured it was the food he was aiming for - free dinner. I was happy that he was joining us again, not that I minded Alice and Jasper, but it was getting a little repetitive being the third wheel.

Emmett entered without even knocking, and the not so subtle sound of his footsteps inclined the giant was here. Jasper was just as happy to see him as she was two days ago. Alice had lost her nervous edge and joined perfectly in Jasper and Emmett's banter. During dinner friendly insults were thrown across the table, followed by roaring laughter, stomach cramps and soar cheeks. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so hard and had this much fun.

Lounging on the couch after Emmett left I kept glancing at Jasper and Alice. They were in their usual absorbed tangle, and Jasper was tracing patterns with her finger on Alice's inner arm. "I was thinking about something." I said carefully.

"What?" Alice asked absentmindedly and turned the page in the latest edition of Elle.

"Jasper, I don't have a problem with you staying here all the time, but when was the last time you actually stayed at your own place?"

Her eyes turned confused and she bit the flesh inside of her cheek. "A few months ago, I think." She answered carefully. Alice put her magazine down and started wide-eyed and offended at me.

"I just wanted to state the obvious and clear the coast if you two were talking about it. If you wanted to move over here and save some money on rent, that would be fine by me. I wouldn't have a problem with you living here, so you don't have to ask my opinion when you talk about it." Alice all but fell off the couch. Jasper gaped at me. "You would probably go insane with all the baby stuff soon though." None of them answered, just gaped moronically at me. "Goodnight." I murmured and went to my room. I was happy I got to say what was on my mind. I wouldn't mind living with the both of them. I couldn't imagine them without each other.

For a little self torture before I went to sleep I glanced at my ceiling for a while, indulging in memories about Edward. I pulled my pictures from the drawer and let my mind run free reminiscing how it felt to be with someone that I was in love with. I stroked my heavy stomach, I only had about a month to go now.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you liked meeting Emmett. **

**Next chapter, Bella will have to endure some pain only a mother knows. Not saying anything else. **

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**A big thanks to you who reviewed and added me to your alerts.**

**So I promised a bit of pain last week, here goes nothing. I want to say enjoy, but that just doesn't seem right. LMAO**

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**Chapter 18**

I woke with an uneasy feeling running through my body. I kept tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, but I just couldn't find restful position. I tried to fall asleep again, but somehow it evaded me completely. I rolled to my side with quite a bit of effort and started tracing my hand over my huge belly. I rubbed the place just below my ribs where I could feel a tiny foot gliding back and forth just under my skin. I braced myself for the kick that I knew was coming. Well, it wasn't a kick exactly, more like someone was trying to move my ribs from the inside. It was like the baby thought that if he or she pushed sternly enough, it would be possible to move my ribs out of the way.

My mind wandered for a few moments. I hadn't seen my dad in a long time. He knew the baby was due soon, but we had agreed that he would fly down as soon as the baby was born. I couldn't wait to see him. It could only be a matter of days now.

Alice had had her first fashion show about a week ago. I was so proud of her for her accomplishments. The collection had been stunning and so Alice's style – all happy and bubbly. The prints and colors had meshed and given a sense of divinity. It was all her creativity that had been rolled into one and it had looked awesome. I had no clue about fashion, but most of the guests had been impressed, but most of all Aro was through the roof. He was the one that had dished out the cash and set her off in style. All night she had been greeting people, cruising through the crowds talking to potential customers. The first half of the night had been great, but another part of the evening had shattered Alice's heart.

Alice parents had found out about her relationship with Jasper in the most unflattering way. I wasn't exactly aware of the details, but I understood the general idea of what her parents had seen. Jasper had been strong, calm and dignified as ever and stood firmly by Alice's side supporting her. Alice's parents more or less said they'd rather see her dead than living the way she did. They didn't consider themselves to have a daughter anymore.

Alice had been devastated, but I knew she already understood the consequences when they would find out. That was the reason she hadn't told them about Jasper. Alice's big night had been ruined until Jasper saved the day. She had freaking proposed and Alice had accepted. They were getting married. I wasn't sure if that was actually legal, but somehow it didn't matter to them, they as a couple knew exactly who they were and this was what they wanted. So who was I to throw a stick in the wheel with pointing out bureaucracy issues?

Jasper had been living with us for little over a month now, but I didn't really feel the difference from before she moved in. Jasper was here most of the time anyway, but where Jasper was, you could frequently find Emmett as well.

I had no romantic feelings for him what so ever, but in all honesty the guy was growing on me. I loved him for his good humor and it helped lessen my often somber mood over missing Edward. Emmett was like a cure for all the sadness in the world.

We had spent countless night on the couch watching movies or reading and Emmett seemed content with just hanging around me. Alice had been gone a lot lately finishing everything for the fashion show and that left me with Emmett. If I read, he would bring home work to finish, or we would go to the movies or just watch crappy quiz shows. Emmett was easy to please. I wondered if he actually had a life as a college student, but Jasper assured me that he did. I didn't really want to dig further into what that meant!

I turned and looked at the clock. 2.30 a.m. I groaned, it was way too early to get up, but I was too wound up to sleep. I tried reading for a while, but it was like the words didn't cling to my mind. When I had read the same page four times I gave up. I stroked my stomach again when I felt a strange tension rising. It didn't hurt exactly, but it was uncomfortable. It disappeared again. I struggled and turned to my other side. I glanced upwards staring at the ceiling, well not the ceiling as much as the perfect image of Edward. I lay still while I let my mind escape to a warmer place. The ache in my heart intensified remembering all the details I could about him. I was brought back to reality again when the tension emerged once more. It was stronger this time and just at the base of my pelvis.

I sat up on my bed with a pang of excitement and violent fear at the same time. Was this something? I reached for my phone wanting to record the time span. I started waiting while staring at Edward. Every time I felt the strain I hit the green button on my cell. The tension grew stronger to the point where I considered it to be painful. This was definitely something! I was sure. I studied the numbers recorded on my phone. They showed a pattern. All the digits had the number eight first. Eight minutes apart. The contractions were eight minutes apart. Holy shit, this was it! Oh no, I was going into labor. A sliver of fear ran down my spine. I was not ready for this.

I checked the time again 4.10 in the morning. Time to wake up Alice. The truth was I was getting nervous and I didn't feel like being alone any more.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and walked to Alice's room. Correct that, Alice and Jasper's room. I turned on the light as I went. I knocked quietly, but there was no answer. Not that I expected one at this god forsaken hour, but knocking felt like the most polite thing to do. I knocked again, still nothing. I creased the door open.

"Alice?" I whispered. She didn't answer. "Alice?" I tried again.

"Mmm," she grumbled.

"I think it's time," I whispered gently, trying not to wake up Jasper. I wanted to deliver the news gently, because I more or less expected Alice would react much like a jack in a box. So was this was all I got? A _mmm_? I was a little disappointed. "Did you hear me?" I said a little louder.

"What?" she groaned.

"I said, I think it's time." This time the news apparently sunk in and her head popped up and a chaotic cloud of hair whirled around her head.

"I'm ready," she said instantly. She jerked to an upright position and flicked on the light. She blinked a few times letting her eyes adjust to the instant flash of light. She held the sheet to her chest while she rubbed her eyes. Next to her Jasper was out cold, splayed on her stomach. Her back was bare and Alice's jerky movements had pulled the sheets far down Jasper's body. For a moment I couldn't tear my eyes from the multitude of scars running all the way down her back. What the hell could have done that to her? Alice moved again, dragging the sheet further down her girlfriend's back, I could just see the top of Jasper's backside. Ugh, that was just unnecessary knowledge. She was naked.

"Way too much information." I muttered. I hissed through my teeth when I felt the pain arrow through my body intensely and I crumbled, doubling over right on the spot. I concentrated on my breathing trying to establish some kind of equilibrium to deal with the pain. This one was far worse than the other contractions had been.

"Give us a sec," I heard Jasper's silky voice from deeply embedded in the pillow. She was still face down on the mattress. Alice had jumped off the bed and she was looking a little panicky... and naked.

"For god's sake put some clothes on, Alice!" I whined through my clenched teeth. All the nakedness was making me a little queasy. I just didn't need to see all this exposed skin. I put my face in my hands. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, I chanted in my head while the pain rocked my body.

"You've seen me naked before... jeez." I could sense her eye roll more than I could see it.

"Just put some clothes on," I mumbled into my hands. Not that I minded, I just didn't need to be _re_minded again that they had a sex life. I was hardly unaware of that fact and I just didn't need to have it shoved in my face.

I felt a hand tug on my arm. "Come on, Bella. Up you go." It was Jasper. I was afraid to move my hands from my eyes.

"You still naked?" The words were muffled by my hands.

"No. You're safe," she grinned.

I got to my feet and walked to the sofa. I already felt the energy seeping from my body because of the contractions and I had a feeling things were going get a lot worse.

Alice ran around the room like a headless chicken, doing something inexplicably. I followed her with my eyes, trying to figure out what the hell she was up to. I gave up and sank into the seat, relaxing and closing my eyes.

"Have you timed the contractions?" Jasper asked from beside me.

"Yes. Eight minutes apart," I murmured with my eyes still closed.

"Good, plenty of time then." She sounded a little absent-minded when she answered. I opened my eyes to find Jasper peering at Alice just as warily as I had. "Have you slept?" she asked still following Alice with her eyes.

"A little."

"How's the pain?"

"Not too bad... yet, I think." Sure, I was lacking in the energy department, but I was okay for now. I wondered if I was extremely hard core at handling the pain or if I was in for a big surprise later.

"Did your water break?"

"No," I answered staring at Alice, who seemed more like a hurricane ravaging furiously through the apartment with each passing moment.

"What on earth are you doing, Alice?" I wondered out loud when I still couldn't figure it out.

"The phone number to the hospital," she basically barked at me while scrambling with some magazines. "We have to go now, but they said to call first." She looked at me with big worried eyes.

"Relax Alice, there is still time," I answered.

"No we have to go... where's the damn number?" Her voice was high pitched and strained.

"Is she panicking?" I mouthed to Jasper.

"I think so," she whispered back and shrugged.

"It's on the fridge... where you left it so you would remember where it was." I tightened my lips to prevent from laughing at her. I knew I sounded a little condescending, but she was acting a little erratic.

"Oh, right." She stalked toward the kitchen.

"Alice, you don't have to call now." Jasper sat completely calm next to me, unlike Alice, who was strutting around like a fly trapped inside a bottle.

"Sure we do... we need to get to the hospital." Her eyes were huge. "Where's your bag?"

I felt the tension again, burning its way over the small of my back. I bent forward holding my stomach when the agony took another bite at me. I breathed carefully in through my nose and out through my mouth. Jasper held my hair and placed a hand on my forehead. "Breathe," she said in an encouraging voice.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked fretful, like I was dying and not in labor. Oh yes, Alice was definitely panicking. Her hands were hovering over me in I'm-so-helpless-mode.

"Alice, you need to calm down." I heard Jasper say through the pain flooding my body.

"We need to go... now!" she demanded briskly.

The tension let go of my pelvis and I relaxed again. The contractions were getting stronger with each passing one. I looked at Jasper. "You okay?" she asked, her eyes were probing at me. I nodded. "I'll talk to her... _you're_ in labor and _she_ is the one panicking. Perfect," she added sardonically.

Jasper took Alice's hand and let her to the kitchen. I could hear them talking, even though I tried hard not to. "Alice... sweetheart, you _need_ to calm down. Everything is okay. We have plenty of time. Her contractions are not that close yet. So just relax, it's not time to go yet. You can even call the hospital and they'll tell you the same. It's not time yet." Jasper's voice was warm, but firm. She could teach Latin to children with that patience. I would have snapped at Alice a long time ago.

"So what are we supposed to do?" Alice begged a little whiny.

"We wait... and try our best to comfort Bella."

"Promise me that everything is fine." I could hear the worry in Alice's voice. She was scared stiff.

"I promise," Jasper reassured her.

"But what do I do?" Alice asked softly.

"You could start by making everyone some breakfast. And then you can time her contraction." Jasper's voice was smooth as silk.

"Breakfast, I can do that." Alice paused. "Since when do you know so much about this?"

"Uhm… I googled and I asked my mom for some pointers. I wanted to be prepared," Jasper answered apologetically.

"Oh," Alice mouthed surprised, then added. "I'm a little scared."

"You don't have to be. It'll be fine," Jasper promised. "Here's how we'll do it. You take care of all the practical stuff and I'll handle Bella, okay?"

"Okay," Alice agreed.

"So please make some breakfast, she's gonna need it and get your phone ready to note the contractions." I was suddenly thrilled that Jasper was here, she was handling Alice perfectly. I would have punched her. Another contraction hit and it felt like it was going to shatter my pelvis. I focused on breathing.

Another hour passed. The contractions were still pretty far apart and I was pacing back and forth wearing a hole in the living room floor. It was still pretty early in the morning and it was dark outside.

"Do you want to have a shower?" Jasper asked. I eyed her nervously at the suggestion. I wasn't sure I could face more nakedness at the moment.

She laughed at me, reading my discomfort. "I promise I won't look. Besides I only have eyes for one girl." Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink and she glanced at Alice who had calmed by now.

"No offense." I smiled chagrined and shrugged in lack of a better way to apologize.

"None taken."

"A shower is a good idea. Thank you."

In the bathroom I stripped and stepped in the shower. I let the hot water run over my face, I turned the knob towards the red mark letting the scolding water hit my back. It felt soothing. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Bella," Jasper said through the crease. "I brought an extra towel for you and you have about a minute and a half to the next one. You better sit down, so you won't fall." Jasper really was awesome. She thought about everything. Anything that could help make the pain and the nervousness more bearable. I did what I was told and sat down and clenched my teeth. A minute and a half later... Pain! I thought about Edward and how much I wanted him here. I wished that he was by my side so I wasn't alone. I wanted him to be here. I wanted him to take Jasper's place. I suffered in silence.

I got to my feet again and let the burning water hit my back again to ease the building tension for a little while. Jasper's voice was at the other side of the door once more. "About a minute now," she called in her silky voice. I turned the water off and wrapped the towel around me. Out of nowhere another contraction hit harder than all the others combined. It felt like I was being hit with a sledgehammer, I braced myself on the sink just before I would have fallen over.

"Jasper!" I screamed. She was at my side in an instant. "It hurts." I whimpered desperately.

"I know." She said soothingly. She worked to pull my drenched hair out of my face.

"I want Edward." I cried. "It hurts." I repeated while I started sobbing.

"I know sweetheart. Some day... breathe." She prompted. "Breathe." I tried to concentrate on pulling the air in through my nose and out through my mouth.

The pain released its choke hold on me again. I relaxed resting my head on the bathroom counter. I could feel Jasper gathering my hair, probably folding into a braid. She was so practical. "Thank you." I mumbled tiredly into the table. I could understand why Alice was in love with her, not that I was changing teams, but she really was wonderful and very helpful.

"I'll get some clothes for you." With that Jasper was gone again.

It was not long before I screamed Jasper's name in pain once more. The pain intensified once more and I sat down on the floor. Jasper had conveniently placed a big fluffy towel on the floor for me to sit on. Mentally, I thanked her for the thousandth time again.

"The contractions are getting closer," she said softly, as if she was trying not to scare me.

"And stronger," I added.

"I guess that's good... it means the baby will be here soon." She smiled encouragingly.

"Great." I snorted. I felt fear running up my spine again. I was a scared at what was coming, but there was no running from it, so I might as well face it head on. "I wish Edward was here." I said solemnly and tears welled in my eyes.

"Me too, for you." She put a comforting hand over mine.

"It's not that I don't appreciate all that you're doing…" She cut me off.

"But I'm not him. There's really no need to apologize, Bella. I need you to focus on you and nothing else. Do you understand?" She said calmly. She was using the same power on me now that she had on Alice when she panicked. Great! "I know you miss him. Do you want to see if Alice can track him down? Maybe there's still time and Alice can be really resourceful at times. Besides she's dying for something to do."

"No." I wished by God that I had the power to say yes. There was nothing I wanted more than to see his face, or feel his hand around mine when going through this. But I wasn't strong enough to face the consequence of him turning me down like I knew he would. I couldn't bear that loss. It was easier to have him locked in my dreams and all wrapped up in the hope of someday we could be together.

"Maybe you could use Edward as your happy place during the contractions. It might help," she suggested. I nodded. Happy place – I could do that. The pain returned and I clenched my teeth and I grabbed Jasper's hands and squeezed hard. I felt like I was going to break her slim fingers, but she didn't even flinch from the pressure. _Happy place, happy place, happy place._

We sat there on the bathroom floor, resting our backs against the cupboards. I still only had the towel wrapped around. "Jasper, can I ask you a favor?" I stared terrified at her. "Will you be there with me? I know Alice is supposed to do it, but I think she's going to have a really hard time with the blood and guts."

"There's not going to be any guts... at least I don't think so. But if you want me to and if it's okay with Alice, then yes I'll be there."

"I want you to, but let me talk to Alice. I don't want to leave her out." I leaned my head against the cupboard door. The contractions were taking their toll on me. Just then, Alice burst through the door.

"Oh my god... I'm sooo fine with it. I know I said I'd be there, but I'm such a chicken... I have been digging around for excuses for the past hours trying to get out of it," she gushed. I couldn't help laugh at her, neither could Jasper. "I promise I'll be there doing practical stuff, I'm really good with practical," she beamed relieved.

"Okay." I turned to gaze nervously at Jasper. I knew it was a lot to ask, but I wanted her there with me.

"I'll be there for you. Focus on yourself and your... happy place." Jasper smiled knowingly.

They left me alone to dress and the contractions started coming more frequently and we all agreed it was time to go. I tried to control my nerves fantasizing about all the sweet things Edward would say to me if he knew what was happening right now. It was moronic when in reality nothing could be further from the truth.

Alice finally got to call the hospital to let them know we were coming.

The cab ride was horrible. The contractions were coming faster now and the driver shifted between flooring the accelerator and slamming down the break. When we arrived at the hospital, we were greeted by a nurse and I was installed in a delivery room. It was a big warm room with not much more than a scary looking bed with far too many handles, buttons and... oh, gosh stir-ups.

Another woman entered, she must be a doctor, but I didn't care at the moment. The pain was all consuming and there was nothing but agony now. Someone pulled my pants off and examined me. I didn't even feel the normal hint of shame at having someone prodding through my privates. I just wanted this to be over and they could to whatever the hell they wanted to me, as long as this was a done deal sooner. In a satisfied tone the doctor added "Good, you're just about seven centimeters dilated. Nice work, Bella." She gave me a head nod and an approving pat on my shoulder. I just rolled to my side again and cringed in pain.

The searing ache returned continuously now and apparently only about a minute and a half apart. I didn't care about the time, just the fact that it felt like my pelvis apart was being torn apart, much the same way my grandma used to part a chicken. The deafening pain rolled in again and again and again. It was getting harder to tell them apart. I started completely drawing my attention inward thinking about happy places. In my mind I saw beaches, lime stones cliffs and there were soft, skilled hands touching my face. I saw glorious green eyes and felt his passionate kisses. I held Edward inside of my mind going through this.

"Bella." A voice broke through to my reverie. I didn't recognize it. I ignored it and escaped back to Broken Beach again.

"Bella." This time it was Jasper's voice. I felt a hand caress my forehead.

"Hmm." I was far gone and the pain was eating away at me.

"Bella, they need to examine you again. You need to move to your back." Jasper's words were close to my face. I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder making me roll.

"Where's Alice?" My voice was hoarse and crackled.

"I'm here." Her familiar bell-like-voice was a comfort against pain.

"How's she holding up, Jasper?" I asked with my eyes closed.

Jasper chuckled lightly. "She's fine... no blood and guts so far."

The unknown voice intruded. "I've never seen anyone be this quiet. She's a strong one." There was a muddle of voices but I didn't pay attention. I was exhausted when I felt the doctor's hands on my thighs again. "Bella, your water didn't break so I'm doing it for you. So it shouldn't be too long now." She spoke directly to me, but it was hard to pay attention. "The contractions are going to intensify and your work will start very soon. You're almost ready." I listened to her words, but I wasn't sure what she meant by the contractions intensifying. How could this possibly get any worse? Words were exchanged but I didn't understand them nor pay attention to them. Someone tugged on my shoulders and I felt a body sliding in behind mine. I was strangely aware it was tiny Alice.

"Alice you don't need... _oh my fucking god!_" I screamed when I suddenly felt like I was kicked by a horse knocking me flat on my ass. I was about to say that Alice didn't need to be here for this... I didn't want to scar her for life. Instead I grabbed her arm crushingly for some desperate measure to control this insane pain. I started to feel a violent pressure down toward my pelvis. "What is that?" I hissed between my clenched teeth. It was hard to breathe.

"You can start pushing now," the unknown voice said. "This is what we need. When you feel the pressure again, you push Bella. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed frantically, wishing I had some way to make this torture stop. I breathed as slowly as I could, bracing myself for another kick. The pain returned seconds later and through a low hoarse growl escaping my gritted teeth, I pushed with everything I had in me.

I had no memory of time. It could have been seconds, but it could have been days. The violent pressure kept returning, eating away at my body. Alice was firmly positioned behind holding my head to her chest. Jasper was on my side next to the bed holding my leg and chanting "breathe" every few seconds. Through sweat and tears, growling and hissing, profanities and cussing like a sailor, my baby was born into the world.

I slumped back against Alice beyond exhausted. I almost thought I died as the pain vanished instantly and I was liberated from the hellish torture. I closed my eyes when an infant's scream rippled through the room. I opened my eyes the moment the doctor placed the tiny warm body on my chest.

"Congratulations, you have a beautiful daughter. You did well, Bella."

I gaped and stared at the distorted screaming face. Beautiful didn't do her justice. Sure, she was still covered in God knows what, but she was stunning. This tiny wonderful creature was mine. My daughter. Edward's daughter. I wrapped the small towel closer around her so she wouldn't get cold and cradled her to my chest. Warm tears streaked down my face. She stopped crying when her face rested against my chest. It was hard to believe that she was finally here.

There was a bunch of shuffling around in the room, but all I saw was the divine face of my daughter. She was magnificent.

"What are you going to name her?" Alice asked suddenly. I hadn't noticed she had moved from behind me.

"Elizabeth," I murmured. "Elizabeth Cullen Swan." I wiped a few tears from my cheeks and gazed down at the puffy face. It was the only name that came to mind. No matter how much of a coward I was for not facing Edward, she should have something from him. So his beloved sister's name was the only one that seemed worthy.

"I hate to remind you Bella, but your name is Black." Alice said carefully and frowned.

I snorted, trying to stop my tears. "I'm changing it back to Swan." I said confidently. "You wanna hold her?" I offered. Alice beamed a mega watt smile and carefully helped the baby from my arms. With my arms free, I was faced with a few of the less flattering consequences of giving birth. I went through the motions, waiting for the moment to hold her again.

After hours of just staring at the murky green eyes and the bronze hair, I called my dad.

"You have a granddaughter." I snorted when the tears instantly made a revisit.

"Oh, Bells." He sighed. It was so great to hear his warm voice. "I'm so proud of you. Everything went well?"

"Thanks, dad. Yes, we're all good." I tried not to move too much. I felt a little like I had taken a severe beating, but it all faded in comparison to holding my daughter.

"I'll be on the next plane out. I can't wait to meet her."

"She's beautiful."

"Of course she is. So are you, sweetheart. I'll see you soon." I hung up after that. Charlie had always been a man of few words, but when he spoke it mattered.

The next few days were an endless myriad of visits, feedings, trying to sleep, letting my body recuperate and watching Elizabeth breathe. Charlie came and it was heavenly to once more receive a rare hug from my dad and see his warm and shy smiles. He was absolutely spellbound by his granddaughter. Renée also made an appearance. Surprisingly she was flawlessly polite and couldn't hide her smile looking at the beautiful girl that was my daughter. I wandered shortly if there were actual and real emotions under that ice cold exterior when I saw her wipe a tear in secrecy. Even Jacob's parents came by. I was ecstatic to see them, but at the same time it broke my heart. Jacob was an only child and this was as close they would ever be to becoming grandparents.

Emmett was no stranger, but he proved to be rather helpful. He was apprehensive about holding Elizabeth, he was afraid he would 'break' her. I kind of understood seeing his hands were almost as big as her entire body. So instead he made my life quite comfortable. Changing the sheets on my bed, cleaning bottle after bottle, picking up food or going grocery shopping with Jasper when we were running low on things. Besides looking after my daughter, I hardly had to lift a finger. I doubted other new mothers had it as easy as I did.

After more than two weeks of having people visit and congratulate me, I was looking forward to the first quiet night alone. It was just the three of us… correct that, four. It was getting late and I was lounging on the couch with Elizabeth's sleeping form resting on my chest. It was so precious to feel her tiny warm body resting against mine and run my fingers over the ultra soft bronze tainted hair.

Next to me Alice fidgeted continually and kept checking her watch. "Is something wrong?" I asked when I couldn't take her bouncing around anymore.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she dismissed immediately.

"If it's nothing then why don't you tell me?" I countered running my fingers lightly over Elizabeth's back, feeling her small chest rise and fall with every breath.

"I have this weird feeling and Jasper should be home by now," Alice muttered. "She always calls if she's running late."

"I'm sure she'll be home any moment now."

Alice nodded absentmindedly. Her phone rang that very instant and as fast as lighting she ripped from the table and answered just after the first ring. "Where are you?" she beamed. The smile on her face froze and turned into a grimace of horror. Her breathing became superficial and erratic. "I'll be right there."

I stared at her alarmed. "What happened?" I asked fretful when Alice had already put on her shoes and was throwing on a jacket.

"Jasper wouldn't say, but she's in the hospital. I gotta go," she muttered and with that she was gone and the door slammed behind her.

I put Elizabeth down in my room and paced the floor for hours. I tried calling both Alice and Jasper, but none of them answered. I contemplated calling Emmett, but I didn't want to cry wolf if this was nothing. Past midnight I finally heard the sound of the front door open. The hall was dark as Alice helped Jasper out of a jacket I didn't recognize. Carefully they maneuvered to the kitchen and dread ran through me like a wildfire when I saw Jasper's face. Discolorations were dramatic around her one eye and throat. Her lip was swollen where it had split. Jasper didn't look up, just sat extremely carefully down on a chair, holding her breath and obviously wincing in pain.

"What happened?" I asked horrified.

Alice's face was splotchy and her eyes were red when she looked gravely at me. I'd never seen her look so desolate. "We need some space, Bella," she defused immediately. "I'll tell you later." The tone of Alice's voice completely disarmed me and I knew now was not the time to push. She meant what she said and there was no arguing with her.

I nodded slowly. "Let me know if you need anything," I answered quietly and retrieved to my room giving them privacy. My mind was racing and I was scared, scared for whatever happened to Jasper. She had become so dear to me, always taking other people into account before herself. She had been my pillar when giving birth for crying out loud. That was extremely personal to me. What the hell happened to her?

In my room I coiled around Elizabeth's small body, needing to shield her from whatever nightmare just walked through our front door. I needed to feel like I was protecting her. Never in my life had I felt this instinctive need to fight if anyone wanted to harm or take her away from me.

During the night I could hear both Alice and Jasper crying in their room. They never stopped.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Let me know what you think in the comments.**

**To those of you who are following Four Weeks, details about what happened to Jasper will be posted on Friday. *Runs and hides until then*.**

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	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. **

**AN:**

**Thank you for your thoughtful reviews and for adding me to your alerts. It is so nice to hear what you think.**

**Please remember to check out Four Weeks if you are interested in Jasper's story. It will explain a lot… I think.**

**Now Bella… and her life.**

**Enjoy.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 19**

In the blink of an eye the world around me had changed. I was a mother. I changed my name back to Swan. Jasper lost herself to depression. Alice was managing a rather successful business. Emmett was becoming my best friend, though I feared perhaps it was _more_ for him. The one thing that didn't change was the fact that I was a coward. A big fat coward that didn't dare to let the father of my child know that he had a beautiful daughter.

The suitable time allotted for telling Edward about Elizabeth after I gave birth to her had surpassed by months. I always thought it would hard to tell him, but now it just seemed impossible. Elizabeth was almost six months old.

She looked so much like Edward it was startling. She had the same unruly bronze hair, only hers was slightly curly and growing at an outrageous speed. She had the same deep green intelligent eyes as him. Her general features belonged to me though.

At times it was hard to watch her, other times it was a blessing just to gaze at her when she slept. There was so much of Edward in her. Most of all, I just had this unconditional love for her that seemed to be endless. No matter how tired, irritated or sad I was, I still adored her.

Edward. I couldn't let him go. Every time I thought about him my heart started racing and I knew my feelings for him were far from dead. I still clung to my idiotic dream that maybe, just maybe he would want me. Some day.

Over the months I had lost a friend. Jasper. She was nothing but a shadow of the smiling, considerate, I love my Alice, girl. When I first saw her after she came home from the hospital memories of the accusations towards Edward sprang to mind. Staring at her beaten and bruised face the morning after she was raped, I knew with a refreshed certainty that Edward, the man that I loved, could never ever harm a woman like that.

Alice and Jasper had left to spend time with her family after her attack and stayed for about a week. When they got home, the emptiness in Jasper's eyes was startling. She looked so tired, so scared and so haunted. Alice tended to her every need, but she too was pushed out of the way. They never touched, hugged or even kissed each other anymore. Alice always had her brave face on, almost like smiling was a nervous twitch for her, perhaps that was to cover up her own desolation. I wondered how much longer she would let Jasper deteriorate before she finally did something to stop it.

Emmett was a big part of mine and Elizabeth's life. I doubted many 'real' fathers were as involved in their kid's lives as he was in my daughter's. He was here many nights, helping me out without being asked. He just blended in like a part of the family. I feared that maybe he was trying to push us into a different label than just being friends. That was where I was mildly concerned. What if he wanted us to be _more_?

oooooOOOOooooo

The heavy trot of Emmett's feet could be heard basically from the front door. I was finishing the dishes after dinner and knew by instinct that within five seconds I would hear the door close to Jasper and Alice's room. Jasper used to hang out with her brother all the time, but not anymore. She was shying away from everything and everyone.

The door slammed and Emmett hollered from the hall when he was kicking off his shoes. Elizabeth bounced giddy up and down in her high chair. Fun had arrived.

"Hey Bells." He bent down and kissed my cheek. Just as I suspected I heard the door close, Jasper had vanished. Emmett sighed, he had heard it too. "I'm so sick of this shit." He was about to stomp off to her room when I caught his arm.

"Just give her some space, Emmett. Trust me, yelling at her won't help."

"I never see her. She never calls or returns mine when I try to reach her. I hardly remember what the fuck she looks like."

"I know." I sighed and glanced over my shoulder to the closed door. I didn't want to argue. "Let me just get Elizabeth to bed and we can watch a movie."

"Sure." He smiled hugely and snapped out of his dreary mood. He picked up a heavy shopping bag. I remembered telling him to bring a snack.

"Seriously, did you clean out the entire convenient store? There's enough junk in there to feed a small village."

"I'm a growing boy," he grinned. "Any leftovers?" I nodded and pointed to the fridge.

"Help yourself." There was plenty of food, because once more Jasper had hardly put anything on her plate, let alone taken a single bite. She just pushed the food around with her fork, staring at it somberly. Though, I didn't have the heart to tell Emmett that.

He quickly finished the food right out of the container, before he snatched Elizabeth from her chair and ventured into the bathroom with her. I finished the rest of the dishes as he was making Elizabeth scream with laughter probably getting her ready for bed. There basically wasn't a more wonderful sound in the world than to hear her laugh.

After Elizabeth had dozed off on Emmett's chest on the couch, I shoved the DVD in the recorder and settled next to him. I tried to follow the movie, but it was basically just a random series of ridiculously embarrassing fuck ups. It was really stupid.

Emmett didn't seem to pay attention to it either. "Can I ask you something?" He looked at me a little wide eyed.

"Sure," I retorted absentminded.

"How do you feel about me?" Emmett looked at me seriously and even a little nervous. He was usually never sober or considerate during conversation.

"I adore you," I answered too sweetly and sardonically, basically to cover up my trepidation. Did I want to have this talk?

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. "I'm serious."

"Really?" I looked at him completely unconvinced and quiet suspiciously. It wouldn't be the first time he made a joke at my expense and I was trying not to fall for it every time.

"Yes. Do you like me?" He asked again and his expression didn't change.

"Are you asking if I _like you_ like you?" I asked dreadfully and bit down on my lip. So this was the conversation I would avoid at almost any cost. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I didn't want to lose another friend. We spent a lot of time together, but I didn't need the complication of unrequited romantic ideas. My heart belonged to someone else, no matter how grateful I was for all his help.

"Yes." He didn't even blink.

"No... I don't," I answered carefully as I returned his grave stare.

"Okay."

"Why are you asking?" I prodded, hoping he would reveal his ulterior motive. Internally I begged he wasn't trying to tell me he had feelings for me.

"It's nothing." He shrugged.

"Emmett… why are you asking?"

"I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I was afraid that you did have those kinds of feelings for me," he said kindly, sort of understandingly. He really wasn't out to hurt me.

"Afraid how? Are you telling me you're gay too?" I narrowed my eyes playfully at him, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Fuck no." He whined and showed my shoulder. That would leave a bruise. "Trust me I like pussy." I cringed and groaned loudly at his choice of words. I hated when he was so blatant. "Bella, I love you, I really do, but I love you the same way I love my sister." He looked at me sincerely all of a sudden.

"You love me like a sister." I stated, horrified, but also relieved with this rather awkward conversation. That kind of love I could accept.

"Yes, that what I'm trying to say. But Alice on the other hand..." I smacked his chest before he could finish that sentence. I really didn't need to hear anything else. Though I was glad the air was cleared.

"You're disgusting." I complained.

"You think I'm charming." He grinned and put his hand around me. I leaned gently to his side.

"It's still Edward." I glanced up at him hoping he would make a joke of how I felt.

"It's okay, sweetheart." He comforted gently and kissed my temple. I realized he understood me. I snuggled a little closer for comfort and watched the rest of the movie. On the inside I was thrilled that this little matter was settled. I no longer had to worry about Emmett having feelings that I wouldn't be able to return. I was relieved I didn't have to be scared that I was going to jeopardize our friendship somewhere down the road.

A few days later I sat in Eric's office slightly confused to why I was here. I waited as he was out dealing with a costumer. His slow heavy footsteps came into the room and he huffed heavily as he moved. "So the reason I called you here, Bella, is because I'm closing up shop," he said as he sat down behind his desk.

I gaped at him. "You're firing me?"

Eric drew a handkerchief across his sweaty forehead and looked at me dismally. "No, I'm selling this place. Business isn't good, nor is my health." I nodded understandingly. Eric was obese, no doubt about it. He could easily loose two hundred pounds and there would still be a lot of him. "I'm sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but I can get a good price for the store and retire comfortably. So that is what I have decided to do. I want to tell you I appreciate all that you have done for me over the years. You've been a good employee, exemplary."

"I understand. I'm just sad to see this place go." I glanced around his disorganized and crowded office. I had worked here for almost four years, and I had no intention to go work anywhere else. I loved this place and all that it was. It was like a second home. "Have you put it on the market yet?" I asked quietly. An infinite sadness washed over me.

"No, I wanted to tell you first. Your maternity leave is ending soon, so I didn't want to string you along like a fool. I am putting it up for sale by the end of the month. I wanted to give you the time to find another job."

I evaluated quietly about what he said. "I don't want another job, I wanna buy it." I blurted, before I even had time to think this thorough. What was I getting myself into now?

Eric's brows shot up at lightning speed. "Bella, I don't mean to be rude, but you can hardly afford it," he said apologetically.

"I think I can make it work. I have some savings from when I sold Jacob's and my house and his life insurance. I think there is a chance."

"Do you really want to make that kind of a commitment? I mean, you're a single mom. Do you need the strain and hassle that comes with running a place like this? You're young, you should enjoy your life."

"This place is a part of my life, Eric. You know that."

"Have it your way. I would rather sell it to you, than someone who will tear the place down to put in another designer boutique." He smiled meekly. "Find out what you can come up with and we will go from there, okay?"

"Thanks, Eric. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I'm sure, Bella."

I strolled slowly between all the old book shelves and my mind reeled with sudden new dreams. What I could do with this place. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I wanted to keep the heart and soul of it, but update the layout. I inhaled the faint smell of print and paper, smiling to myself. This would all be mine soon.

At home I threw myself into researching how the hell to buy a business. I found out I needed to make a business proposal to the bank to obtain a loan. Eric was right, I hardly had the cash for the whole thing, but surely the bank would grant me a mortgage for the money that I needed. I had more than enough for the downpayment.

Over the days Alice helped me put it together. Jasper sat beside us and stared into nothing, like she always did. It was like she wasn't even here anymore. I wasn't sure how much Alice took notice of it, but to me it was alarming. I had tried to open the subject, but Alice adamantly refused to discuss it, saying Jasper just needed a little more time to snap out of it. I was worried. It had been months.

After two weeks of, studying, researching, planning, calling contractors, getting offers for renovations I was armed with a proposal that I sent off to the bank. Now I just had to wait for them to look at it. It took less than a week. I sat down in the richly upholstered chair and tried not to hyperventilate or flush scarlet for my meeting with the bank.

"Ms. Swan." A man called.

I looked up at the sharply dressed banker. "Yes."

"I am Mr. Tanner." He sat down and arranged some papers in front of him. It was the papers I had sent him. "I had the pleasure of reviewing your business proposal and the purchase of Eric's Bookstore." He smiled falsely. I thought he sounded a little condescending when saying _pleasure_. I frowned.

"And…" I prodded.

"Ms. Swan, I am afraid that we can't help you." My heart plummeted to my shoes. Correct that, Jasper's borrowed heels.

"Why not?" I asked feebly, trying to reel in my disappointment. How could that be? I was so sure this would be a home run.

"The place isn't making a profit as it is now and what you have in mind for updates and renovations, my colleagues and I just don't believe to be enough to sustain a profit in the near future. We don't believe the bookstore will be a success. I think you need to take into account that most of what you are offering is easily accessible on the internet and for a fairly lower price."

"I see." I mumbled and started down at my knotted fingers. "People still read. And it's not just a bookstore I want to create. I want it to be more than that. I want people to be able to sit and read, feel comfortable and learn, perhaps have a bit of solitude if they want."

"That is all very noble of you Ms. Swan, but the market just isn't the same anymore. As I said firstly, we don't believe you will be able to turn out a profit. Lastly that piece of property is quite valuable and somewhat out of your price range."

"I know that. I have enough for the downpayment and then some." I tried to argue halfheartedly, knowing I already lost. I was so sure this would work.

"I understand that, but how will you be able to pay mortgage, interest rates and insurance if you are unable to turn a profit?" Mr. Tanner gazed at me contemptuously and childishly I wanted to make a face at him.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Tanner." I cut in, not needing to hear anything else, or to be trampled all over.

"You're welcome, Ms. Swan."

Outside in the street, I let a few tears fall, before I composed myself. I rolled the printed proposal up that I had snatched up from Mr. Tanner's desk in my hurry to get out. I shoved it under my arm and set off for Alice's office. I needed a shoulder to cry on and not do this in public.

Her desk was cluttered with sketches and a few pimple faced boys were sweet talking her trying to offer her lunch. One of them won, looking like his master just supplied the treat of the day.

"Bella," she gushed and her eyes were alit with expectations. "How did it go?" She knew my meeting was today.

"It didn't. They wouldn't even consider it. They basically said it was a failure from the get go." I threw the proposal on her desk, letting it blend in with all the other junk accumulating on the table.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She offered a comforting hug and I leaned into her arms.

"I guess I got to look for a new job instead."

oooooOOOOooooo

During the last few days of my leave, I tried to muster up the courage to tell Eric that my plan had failed. I was just too saddened to do it. It was too final. Emmett came over trying to cheer me up. It helped a bit.

He grumbled as usual when Jasper vanished like a quiet breeze as soon as he was in the door. She didn't even bother to stay and pretend to eat something. She just left.

"So I have this thing for you, but in return you have to do something for me." Alice stared at me with a look that was in between compassionate and someone plotting something highly conspiratorial. We were in the middle of having a dinner and something seemed off.

"What?" I asked puzzled. I placed my fork at the side of my plate carefully. My gut told me I wasn't going to like what was coming. Not one bit. Alice said nothing for a moment and I hated the silence. "What is it?" I asked again.

"I have an offer for you, but first you have to promise that you will do something for me in return." She gave me the same conflicting look, like she was about to stick her hand into a wasps nest just to prove a point.

"You do... what kind of offer?" I asked slightly intrigued.

"First you need to promise you will do what I ask." Alice continued unflinchingly.

"Tell me what you want, and then maybe I'll promise." I glanced at Emmett briefly wondering why he was so quiet. He was never quiet, him and Alice normally bantered like there was no tomorrow. I realized he knew what Alice was about to say. He was never quiet when a good argument was brewing. "Emmett?" I asked sternly.

"Just hear her out, Bella."

Alice swallowed noisily from across the table. "I took your proposal to Aro. He agreed to lend you the money for the bookstore and be a silent partner. Sort of the same deal he offered me when I started my clothing line."

"So what's the catch?" I narrowed my eyes at her, knowing full well there was one.

"Bella, Aro's offer only stands if you agree to tell Edward about Elizabeth." Alice spoke firmly with no indications that she wanted to negotiate her terms.

I all but chocked on my tongue. "Are you serious?" I spat angrily. We had been over this time and time again. I had made it perfectly clear that this was my decision and only mine. I threw a look at Emmett, who peered back at me soberly. "You're in on this?" I felt disappointed and betrayed. How could they do this to me? Waving something in front of my nose, just far enough for it to be out of my reach.

"Bella, Alice makes a lot of sense. Edward should know about his daughter," Emmett said with concern slapped all over his face.

"Emmett, stay out of this!" I sneered at him, before I refocused my anger on Alice again.

"No. Bella, you know she's right," he countered.

"Just shut up, Emmett! You're not her father, so just butt out!" My voice had risen to an alarmingly high tenor. I was pissed off and trembling with anger.

"You got that right, Bella. I'm not her dad, but I'm the goddamn closest thing she has to one and that one is on you! Because the guy who actually has a claim on that sweet girl, you won't let into her life. You won't let him have a chance. And that's wrong and you know it. You're just chicken shit and you're fucking scared, so now you're taking it out on us because you want to escape the consequences." Emmett's words were hard and brutal. I stared back at him with a frosty glare.

"And what consequences would that be?" I snarled at him.

"The fact that he might not want you... or Elizabeth." He spoke the words with overpowering reason, but I didn't care, I was mad and upset. Emmett was right on the money; I was terrified that Edward wouldn't want me or our daughter. Though, lost in the fog of my fury I was not going to admit to any of that.

"Go drown yourself." I hissed nastily. Words were not enough to describe the betrayal I felt. I could see the hurt slither across Emmett's eyes, but in that second I didn't give a shit.

"Hey!" Alice yelled. "Stop that. You two don't do that. Bella, that is not very useful."

"Neither is this. Alice, are you actually blackmailing me? I knew you could be nasty, but this is impressive, even for you." In the midst of my wrath I was unable to stop myself. I knew I had no right to be this hateful, because Alice had done everything humanly possible to help me these past two years. I owed her nothing but gratitude and instead I attached her, spewing my venom at her. Internally I was ashamed.

"I lost my appetite," Emmett said and threw his fork down. From the corner of my eye I could see him get up from his chair. "Tell Jasper I'll see her later, perhaps. Alice, good luck," he said humorlessly. He stopped next to my chair and leaned over me. The moment was eerily silent and I refused to look up at him, even though I knew he expected I would. "Bella, this isn't you. Call me when you realize you owe me and that you need to fucking apologize."

I knew I had hurt him with my despicable behavior. His calm way of saying the words made me even more resentful towards myself. Self loathing would probably be a better description.

"Bella, you need to fess up. Stop being stupid." Those were Alice's last words before she marched off to her room. By the look on her face, she was just as furious as Emmett. Great!

I sat at the table alone for a while. I knew if I went to my room, tears would come and I would be crying like a baby and quite possible wake up Elizabeth in the process. I had no desire to do any of that. So now I was left sitting at the table alone.

"Bella?" I suddenly registered my name being called. I stared flabbergasted at her. "Will you listen to me?" Jasper asked timidly, like her opinion had no value. I nodded stunned. It was the first time in months she actually participated in anything. "I think I understand. I didn't agree with Alice and the way she did that," she said quietly.

"But you're siding with her?"

"Yes I am and with Emmett too."

"Jasper, I don't know how to tell him." I admitted without any anger this time. I was terrified of the rejection that would kill my secret dream of having a family with Edward.

"I know you don't. If you did, you would have talked to him by now." A tiny, almost undetectable smile shaped her dry lips.

"Thanks... Jasper." I mouthed astonished.

"You're welcome. We all understand how hard this is for you. Don't think we don't." I had completely forgotten how good Jasper was at this kind of negotiating. It was fantastic seeing that beneath all that sadness she was still in there. "Here." She slid a small envelope across the table top.

"What's this?" I looked at the envelope like it would burn my fingers if I touched it.

"The offer."

"Oh." I said. I knew I didn't deserve it. Though, it was wrong of Alice to blackmail me into telling Edward, but dangling this broken dream in front of me like this was even worse.

Without another word Jasper was gone again. I opened the envelope and unfolded a contract with my name on the top. I read through the details and realized that everything in the offer was perfect. I quickly understood that this had to be all Alice's doing. She must have pulled every string she had and bent over backwards to get me this deal with Aro. This really wasn't making me feel any better. If this was how it felt to have a dream come true, I'd rather be without. Everything good in life came with a price tag. Go figure.

I cleared the table, the same time as I tried to clear my conscience and figure out how to apologize to two very important people in my life.

oooooOOOOooooo

I did find a way to make up for the damage I'd done. Emmett was the easy one to win over to my side again. He threw me into a bear hug basically before I was done groveling, begging for his forgiveness. Alice was a little harder, she put up a bit of a fight, but no more than for a few days. Jasper returned to her somber and oblivious world of depression. I tried to thank her for her help, but she just looked at me confused. I don't think she even remembered having the conversation with me.

I accepted Aro's offer and I was able to buy the bookstore. I wasn't sure how I felt about being in business with him, but he didn't make a fuss about anything. He was the perfect silent partner. I never heard a word from him.

The renovation had been extensive. Most of the demolition work before the rebuild could start had been done by some of Emmett's college friends who had been eager to get the opportunity to smash something. So they took care of it pro bono. The store opened just before winter was upon us. Beside that Mr. 'sharp banker suit' Tanner could eat his word when the first month after opening the store I had turned a profit. Sure it was marginal, but it was a profit nonetheless.

During the past summer and the bright hours of the day, Alice finally took matters into her own hands and acknowledged that Jasper was in serious trouble. Hurt and broken Jasper was coming around, mainly because Alice nursed her every step of the way. It was a lengthy process, but slowly my friend was coming back to life. She was in extensive therapy, exercising like a maniac thanks to Emmett and helping either me or Alice at work. Alice never confided in me, but I knew she had been hurting just as much as Jasper, but they seemed to be able to find some common ground again.

Jasper acknowledged Emmett again and stopped fleeing every time he was around. Emmett was stoked, and took care of everything that he humanly possible could for us. That meant I was forced to deal with the violent concept of self defense classes, because he made us all go. He was adamant we needed to know how to defend ourselves in case lightning did indeed strike twice and someone would try to hurt either one of us.

Over the months that passed one promise that I hadn't kept was haunting me. I hadn't told Edward about Elizabeth. We all pretended the blackmail incident hadn't happened. Alice stopped bringing it up. I never said anything about it either. I kept it to myself that I knew I was wrong and I apologized to Edward every time I was staring at the poster on my ceiling. It was my ritual before I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night.

oooooOOOOooooo

Unlocking the door to my shop I couldn't help my smile. It was like that every day. I loved that this was my place and it was going rather well. My idea for a coffee corner had paid off. It was usually crowded from before lunch to past dinner time. There was a small and simple selection of food and beverages and places for people to just sit and enjoy their break or a quiet time.

I had hired one girl, Angela, to be able to cover the opening hours. She just moved to the city to be with her boyfriend and to experience life, as she said. She was sweet and reliable, pretty quick with her hands and really smart.

I ran through my mail, email, and started up the coffeemaker for the day. I finished restocking the shelves with the supplies that arrived yesterday. To many others it may seem tedious, but to me this was heaven, my sanctuary. My place in the world.

Jasper wasn't shy to help out and her sense of organization was staggering. She was looking more and more like herself everyday. Emmett had helped out a lot by bringing a lot of girls from college as costumers and I understood that he did indeed have a life. I never chose to linger around that thought.

The day passed with tending to costumers, reading and serving sandwiches. It was basically the usual. This was the stuff that made me happy. To see people enjoy coming to my place and find solitude for a while.

I was in my office when Emmett barged through the door. Elizabeth was strapped in her stroller, nestled in with a blanket over her. "I'm so sorry to bring her here, but Jasper is running late getting home from work and I got a game in less than an hour." He panted like he had run here from the apartment. My eyes fled to what looked like a ghost rushing past my office door. It felt unnatural. I turned my attention back to Emmett.

"Don't sweat it." I murmured and left my computer. I stepped around my desk. "Come to mommy," I cooed at Elizabeth and picked her up from the stroller. I inhaled the soft smell of baby and hugged her to my chest. Immediately she started twirling her fingers into my long hair. It was a pain to get them out if her fingers were sticky.

"I gotta go, Bells." Emmett kissed my cheek hurriedly. He cuddled Elizabeth's cheek also, smacking a few kisses on the soft skin. "Be good to your mom, baby Bells." I smiled gently at his name for her. He basically ran out the door within the next breath.

I sat Elizabeth down on the floor, where she started staggering about from one piece of furniture to the next, practicing her walk. We had just passed her first birthday. I had a few bills to pay before I was done for the day. Elizabeth made an escape for the door. From my seat I could see parts of the coffee corner and it wasn't too busy. "Angela, baby on the run," I called loudly.

"Got her," she answered immediately. I returned to the screen and started tapping in numbers to get my bills paid. The same odd shadow seemed to ghost past a few shelves again. It was creeping me out. I narrowed my eyes, ridiculously trying to sharpen my vision, because I felt like I was being watched. The only thing that caught my attention was a tall man wearing his hoodie up and had his nose stuck in a book. I hated when they did that. It made people look like a freaking bank robber.

I shuffled a stack of papers in my hand and I was about to turn my computer off when a man was suddenly leaning casually against the doorjamb to my office. It startled me and I squealed, realizing it was the man in the hoodie. His face was hidden in the shadows of the hood. My heart started racing, when I saw Elizabeth's hand was clutched in his. My mommy alarm radar instantly kicked it. It was just too personal for him to touch her.

Slowly the man lowered the hood from his head and all the papers fell from my hands like floating feathers. I couldn't breathe.

"Do I even have to ask if she's mine?" The familiar warm voice asked. I stared stunned beyond recognition at him. I tried to shake my head, but I wasn't sure it worked. My head was whirling and I wanted to speak, but I was paralyzed. Elizabeth babbled something incoherent and he looked down at her. A tiny smile crawled across his chiseled lips, but when he looked at me again his green eyes were colder. "Do you have any idea how pissed I am at you… Isabella?" My full name rolled effortlessly off his tongue, like he was caressing it. I only ever told him I was called Bella.

I swallowed on a dry throat, feeling how raspy my throat was. "Edward." I wheezed as my heart thundered in my chest. Oh no.

oooooOOOOooooo

**A little cliffy for you darlings. *Shrugs***

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22, for your proofreading and your awesome beta skills. Without you this chapter would have been a mess. Thanks for helping me put it into shape.**

**AN:**

**Thank you to those of you who added me to your alerts and commented on the story. I feel honored every time you do that.**

**Someone asked 'when the hell is Bella going to pull her head out of her ass and do what is right?' Well she might not have chosen to do it because she is a coward, but she is going to see her life differently now. **

**Oh Edward.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter. Nuff said!**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 20**

I tried to get up from the chair, but it felt like an earthquake was violently shaking the ground beneath me. My legs were quivering insanely and all I could do was stare at Edward's unreadable face.

"What? You have nothing to say to me?" Edward asked evenly.

My mouth popped open, but no words emerged. I just gaped at him. Was he really here? After all this time, was he truly standing in my office?

"How about I start then? I turned over every rock that I could find looking for Bella Dwyer. She was this extraordinary woman that I met a while back. However, my search was to no avail, because she didn't exist. Then after almost two years, suddenly the name Isabella Marie Swan, former Black, widow of _Jacob_ Black and daughter of Renée _Dwyer_ came to my attention. That wasn't the most shocking part though. That happened when I learned Isabella Marie Swan had a daughter by the name of Elizabeth Cullen Swan. Now why would anyone pick Cullen for a middle name and the name of my dead sister as a first name on a whim? That is just too coincidental. So I figured that I needed to come see for myself who this girl was. And look what I found." He was menacingly calm and his intense gaze was unwavering on me. I was pinned to the spot.

"I can explain," I wheezed.

He nodded. "I think you owe me that, at least."

I got up to my trembling knees hoping I was just calm enough to stand. "I owe you a lot of things, Edward," I said quietly finding a small voice from somewhere within me. "Please, just not here."

"Name the time and place." Elizabeth started moving across the room, balancing from furniture to furniture, babbling words no one could understand. "Just say yes or no, once and for all Bella… I'm her dad, right?"

I nodded and smiled a little. "Look at her, Edward. It's kind of hard to miss." I paused a shaky moment laying all joking aside. "She is yours, through and through." I bent down and picked her up, really taking in her sweet face for a brief moment. "She's ours." I whispered staring at my daughter. She smiled. She was far too young to have any inclination how important this moment was. I glanced over at Edward really seeing in his face for the first time in two years. I stared mesmerized for a long time. How much I had missed him. My heart thundered and my mind clouded with shock, but I knew this was my one shot. I had to do this right. No messing up. "Can we not do this here? I want to talk to you more than anything. Perhaps you could come back to my place? Unless you have somewhere to be?" I sounded far calmer than I felt.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you trying to be funny? No, I have nowhere else to be, but to figure out why the hell you lied to me for so long and apparently prevented me from seeing my daughter." The words were like ice chips falling from his mouth. _Oh boy, this was going to be tricky. _"Your place sounds as good as anything else."

I hauled in a shaky breath, closing my eyes trying to establish some kind of courage to do the right thing. Basically, I felt like I had been hit over the head with a shovel. My mind was quicksand swallowing up all reason for my previous choices and how to handle this imperative moment as levelheaded as possible. I leaned my forehead to Elizabeth's for a brief moment, feeling her warm soft skin. Instantly, she yanked at my hair and twirled her fingers into the tresses. "Um, Edward," I sighed. "Let me finish up here and we can go."

He nodded silently. For a too brief moment, I drowned in the depth of his agonized eyes. It tore me apart that I had caused him this devastating pain, but I had to fess up and deal with the facts as they were. I kissed Elizabeth's cheek and slowly handed her towards Edward. His eyes widened astonished and with unfamiliar hands took her into his arms. It was clear that holding a baby wasn't something he practiced every day. Elizabeth whined a bit and reached for me. I stroked her cheek. "Mommy will be right back."

Without looking back, I fled into the store to talk to Angela. I willed myself not to focus on the fact Edward was here and alone with Elizabeth for the first time. I spoke shortly to Angela, whose fiercely smart eyes were boring into me, knowing something was up. I arranged for her to open shop tomorrow, while I made two sandwiches to bring home for dinner and two coffees to go.

From outside of my office, I glanced at Edward's back as he sat on his behind in the middle of my office floor with his long legs sprawled in front of him. Elizabeth was holding his index fingers and balancing between his legs. She babbled to no end, while Edward stared captivated at her. It was a sight that I secretly savored.

oooooOOOOooooo

Edward had ducked into a waiting car, while I had strapped Elizabeth into the stroller and walked home with the food. Edward, for some apt reason, couldn't just walk home with us. My mind was racing furiously and wondering if he would even be there when I got home. He had been so upset, furious, distraught and overwhelmed, but yet so restrained and composed when we had parted at the store. Perhaps this time he would run from me?

He sat at the top of the stairs, waiting, twirling his thumbs when I made it to the front door. He didn't smile or warm to me when I greeted him with a light smile. My heart was frantically pounding in my chest. Was this the only reunion I would get? It was so far from what I had dreamed off. In my mind, I had seen hearts and flowers, hugs and kisses, sweet and loving words. Not this aloof and awkward tension that I wasn't sure how to handle. I stupidly realized I had expected the warm and compassionate man that had fixed me after I lost Jacob. Was he gone? Had I lost him?

He was surreptitiously watching me as I plated the sandwiches and finished something to eat for Elizabeth. She was sitting on the kitchen counter and Edward was hovering quietly beside her. I tried to glance discretely at him every few seconds, while making sure he was really here. He broke the silence suddenly.

"Who's Jasper?" he breathed coolly. I gaped at him, but he continued before I could answer. "Is he your boyfriend?" The tone to his voice was edged with a fierceness lying just beneath the surface. I glanced at his guarded eyes and bit my lip to hide my smile clawing its way to my mouth. Was he jealous? Then it struck me, Edward had no clue Jasper was female. "Was it the guy in the bookstore? The one that dropped Elizabeth off?"

I focused on the food, finding the moment morbidly funny for some reason. Perhaps it was the tangible unresolved tension that made this seem comic. "Er… no that was Emmett. Jasper's brother." I answered as evenly as I could manage.

"But he lives here?" Edward continued obliviously, not giving me a chance to explain.

"Yes, Jasper lives here." I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to mock his assumption with laughter. It didn't seem unfair or unreasonable Edward would jump to that conclusion. "But it isn't what you think. Jasper shares a room with Alice. Besides that point, Jasper is a woman and she is gay, and so is Alice, I think, or she just loves Jasper insanely, I'm not sure which." I glanced sideways to see Edward gape momentarily then he hide his beautiful smile before he collected his face again. "Can we have something to eat? I need to put Elizabeth to bed for the night soon, or all hell will break loose. She's not really fun when she is tired." I excused.

"I wouldn't know." Edward muttered sourly. Our eyes met for a flicker of a second and I cringed. How much a small comment like this hurt.

"No, you wouldn't." I agreed sadly when it felt like a dagger was slammed directly through my heart. I was in trouble.

The shrill of a phone sounded from the hall where Edward had placed a simple backpack. He moved to the hall probably to answer it. A piercing scream rippled through the apartment freezing the blood in my veins. A loud commotion and banging emanated along with muddled and shocked voices. Elizabeth instantly started screaming frightened, before I could even get her down from the counter to see what the hell was going on.

I ran to the hall seeing Edward crouched over Jasper who was coiled terrified into the corner behind the front door. Never in my life had I seen that level panic and fear in someone's eyes. Jasper was petrified and Edward was far too close for her comfort.

I gently placed my hand on Edwards raised arm. More yelling and commotion would only worsen the situation for Jasper. "Get back, Edward." I said softly. He turned to stare confused at me. "Slowly move away from her. She's okay. She's just scared. Could you go into the kitchen? Elizabeth is crying. Please try to comfort her. I got this." It was clear Edward didn't understand, but then again how could he. Jasper didn't handle strangers well at all. He took a few steps back, while gaping at the turmoil.

I crouched in front of Jasper, seeing how hard her hands trembled and her eyes flicker wildly. Her breath was rushing insanely and I could literally hear the hammering of her heart. Quickly, I grabbed a bag from the kitchen while catching a glimpse of Edward trying to calm Elizabeth down. This day was turning out to be virtual nightmare. I held the bag in front of Jasper's mouth forcing her to breathe into it, so she wouldn't pass out from hyperventilation. Her face was chalky white and her eyes starting to roll into her head. She was having an anxiety attack.

Alice barged through the door, throwing the mail aside instantly taking in Jasper's defeated pose. "What the hell happened?" she barked at me.

"Edward startled her." I managed to choke out.

"Edward?" Alice frowned confused and tore her eyes from Jasper for a brief moment. I nodded. She turned her attention back to Jasper, whose breath was slowly calming. "It's okay, baby." She mused softly. "It's okay. No one is going to hurt you." Her fingers gently ran into Jasper's hair while she literally calmed down completely. It was impressive to watch the magic between them. A few moments later, Jasper slowly got to her feet and burrowed her face in Alice hair in an intense hug. "Slow and easy, baby. I got you." Alice whispered.

I watched as Alice led a shivering Jasper into their room.

Drawing in a few deep breaths and letting the oxygen fill my lungs to the point of exploding, I ventured back into the kitchen. Edward had Elizabeth on his arm and was wiping the falling tears from her eyes. "Hey, sweetheart. Got a smile for daddy?" My knees weakened instantaneously hearing that endearing sentiment. Smacked straight in the head with reality, I knew I'd made the wrong choice in keeping Edward at more than an arm's length.

I made a small noise at the back of my throat, pretending like I hadn't heard anything. Edward turned. His eyes were wide and bewildered. Who could blame him? "What the hell just happened?"

I leaned against the counter for a moment before I took my girl from him. I needed to feel her in my arms, knowing that she was okay too. She hugged her arms around me and hid in my hair. "That was Jasper." I answered quietly.

"I really didn't do anything." Edward said quietly, like he needed to defend himself.

"I know you didn't. Jasper is just a little sensitive." I smiled weakly.

"I'd say." Edward answered almost jokingly. I narrowed my eyes at him feeling resentment rise, but I had to be fair to him. He couldn't possible know the reason for Jasper's reaction. He knew nothing about the life that Elizabeth and I had lead without him. Once more, it dawned on me how wrong my choices had been. I had filled our lives with people I loved, created our family and heartlessly excluded Edward.

"Don't Edward. Jasper was beaten, raped and almost killed last year. She doesn't trust strangers and especially not men."

"Oh. I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

Before anything else could be said, Alice emerged from their room with her phone glued to her ear. "No, everything is fine. I'll see you soon." She said all chipper, but the darkness in her eyes told a completely different story. She brushed through the kitchen, pouring a glass of water.

"Alice, this is Edward. Edward, Alice." I gestured, though I didn't continue, because the day just got weirder when Edward pierced her with an utterly puzzled gaze.

"You?" he mouthed at Alice. She ran her tongue over her teeth nervously, but quickly hid what looked like dread running over her face.

"Yes, me." She chirped. "Got a problem with that, pretty boy?" She strangely ignored Edward and kissed Elizabeth's cheek. She was hanging on my hip, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Is Jasper okay?" I asked, refocusing from their odd greeting of each other.

"A bit shaken up, but it'll be fine. We're going to stay at her parent's place tonight." She threw a quick glance at Edward. "That should give you two time to talk." She rolled her eyes, and smiled overbearingly. I ignored her supercilious smirk.

"I'm sorry. I should have called Jasper and told her that Edward was here. Please tell her that I feel horrible about what happened."

"It's okay." Alice shrugged and sighed. She had been through thick and thin with Jasper and always stood by her. This debacle was hardly a first. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger… eventually." She glanced at Edward again, because he was still peering at her with this incomprehensible look. I didn't have the energy to even try to decipher it right now. "We'll be out of here in ten minutes. You kids have fun." She drawled lastly. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at her. Only Alice would dare to be that blatant. Though tonight probably wouldn't be fun, I suspected Edward was still mad as hell with me.

Edward took a seat at the kitchen table. His face was serious, calculating and resigned as he stared into his coffee cup. Alice and Jasper had left, we had had something to eat, Elizabeth was put to bed and I knew that now it was time for the _talk_. It was now the consequences were coming.

"How did you find me?"

"Let's just sum it up to the butterfly effect, though I am starting to piece it together myself." He answered cryptically. He glanced up at me through his dark lashes, tightening his long fingers around the cup. "Why did you keep this from me?" I opened my mouth to answer, but no sound came out. I was such a coward and my defense was feebly thin. I knew that now. "Why did you keep Elizabeth from me?" he asked again.

"I wanted to protect you."

"Protect me from what exactly? My daughter?" he asked in that composed and completely rational tone again.

"I didn't think you would want someone like me." I breathed. "I lied to you because I would have trapped you if you knew the truth about her. I couldn't do that to you."

"Someone like you? Why wouldn't I want someone like you?" A moment's confusion widened his steely green eyes. "Because you figured out who I was, you didn't think I would want to be with you? Do you really think so little of yourself? Or do you think that I would decide on who is good enough for me because of what kind of job I hold? Do you really think I am that big an ass?"

My face heated embarrassed. It really did sound horrible phrased like that. "No. I mean yes, basically yes. Not the part about being an ass," I mumbled.

"Do you know how shallow that is? Your entire perspective of who I am and what I would want for myself changed because you figured out how I make my money. Who are you to make that judgment for me? Who are you to tell me that I wouldn't want my own flesh and blood based on my resume? I thought you knew me better than that. Besides from what I do for a living, I didn't hide who I was from you. I thought you saw me and accepted me for me. But when I discovered you made the heartless decision for me to keep my daughter from me based on some delusional idea that you were protecting me, I have to wonder whether I even know you at all? The Bella that I met on that beach was lost, yes, but she would never do that to me. You know my history, my personal pain and my loss. I am alone in the world. I have no family, but the family we created, surely by accident, and you make the selfish decision to think that I wouldn't want it based on what my face looks like. Just to let you know, it is only skin deep, Bella. It is just a pretty face and not who I am." Edward finished coldly.

My skin prickled like I was being stabbed with needles and his words tore me apart. "I'm so sorry."

"That isn't good enough. Sorry isn't good enough. I understand that you ran. I expected that you would, based on what you learned." He paused, while choosing his words carefully. "When did you find out my name was cleared?"

"At that press conference you held." I answered quietly.

"Did you know you were pregnant then?"

"No."

"Okay. Let me ask you this way. When you found out that you were pregnant, you perhaps spent a few weeks coming to terms with it. After that, did you really think that if you came to me that I would turn you away? That I would in any way blame you for getting pregnant?"

"I couldn't face it."

"I don't care what you could face. Life sucks sometimes and we all have to do things that aren't particular fun. It's all part of being a grown up. But deep down in your heart, do you believe that I would have been the asshole who didn't care that you were pregnant and would leave you to deal with it yourself?"

"No." I breathed brokenly. This calm and collected menace was so unexpected and hurt more deeply than yelling and screaming. I think I would take a loud rebuke easier than this quiet attack.

"There you have it in a nutshell, Bella. You made a really selfish choice. We were two people on that beach that weren't careful. You are no more to blame for getting pregnant than me. You were forced to deal with it because it is your body, but I would have wanted to be a part of it. You took that from me."

"I know." I agreed quietly.

"When did you find out?" Edward asked after a long pause.

"I think I was about nine weeks along."

"Did you ever consider abortion?"

"Never seriously. I couldn't kill something that was yours." I answered honestly, remembering clearly the chill of disgust I had felt thinking about ending the pregnancy. It was far worse now that I knew what it meant to have Elizabeth in my life. I would never regret having her.

"Did you ever plan on telling me?"

"Every day." I hesitated. "What are you most mad about?"

"Everything. I am mad at you for taking everything away from me - the pregnancy, Elizabeth being born, and the first year of her life. You stole that from me. Like I said, I would have wanted to be a part of it. I would have wanted to be there for you and for Elizabeth."

He cracked a small smile at me. That tiny twitch of my lip gave me a little hope that he would perhaps thaw and not be so cold towards me. I hated seeing that he wasn't the kind and warm soul that I remembered. Who was I really kidding? I didn't really know him at all. "I know it's selfish, but I hate that you are so mad at me. I feel so alone." I snorted when tears suddenly came along with the realization that we were strangers now. I had changed, but so had he.

"Welcome to how I feel." He said quietly, almost sympathetically.

"It's not fun."

"No, it's not." His look mirrored mine.

"It feels better to have you here." My voice was still muddled by the overflow of tears. "Do you often feel lonely?" I wondered.

"Almost every day." He answered hushed. "I lead a lonely life, Bella. Hotels, sets, parties, and junkets are all part of my life, but none of those places are a home. It is filled with people who care nothing for me as a person, but worship what I look like and what I can do."

"I care for you, Edward." I dared airing my feelings. I felt so vulnerable.

"You hurt me. How can I trust you?" He whispered back.

"Perhaps I can earn that back, if you let me."

"Perhaps." He sighed.

We sat quietly and just stared at each other. This wasn't a warm and fussy rekindling and there wasn't much to say after that. My heart was heavy and my head was pounding. "Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?" I asked out of nowhere.

"No."

"Wanna stay here?" I offered, feeling desperate to keep him here a little longer. I would take cold and detached Edward over no Edward at all right now.

"If you wouldn't mind, I have to leave by noon tomorrow. I would really like to spend the morning with my daughter and not stuck in a traffic jam trying to get here."

"I won't mind. Do you have everything you need?" I asked knowing he was only logging a backpack around.

"I do. I travel a lot and I know how to do it lightly." He smiled marginally.

In my room, I quickly changed into something more comfortable and threw my hair into a messy bundle. I made up the couch when I could hear Edward brushing his teeth in the bathroom. I smiled when he stepped out into the living room wearing pajama pants and an old ragged t-shirt. He looked so… homey. He smiled at me looking down my body. "I wondered where the hell that shirt went?" he laughed gently. I was instantly swallowed up by the softness in his eyes. _Oh, Edward._

I gasped and bit my lip, when I stared down. I was unknowingly wearing his contraband shirt. It was my favorite to sleep in. "I confess. I stole it from you."

"I see."

"Good night." I breathed, but stayed in spot and just stared at him. I couldn't move. I was so lost and I wanted to keep what little I could of him now that he was here. I already knew I lost him, so please just let me have the shattered pieces of my fantasy. That, at one point, Edward would be mine and we would be a family.

"Night, Bella." He officially dismissed me when I couldn't let go. There hadn't been one touch, one hug or possibly even one 'I missed you'. Nothing. Nothing that showed he still cared for me. Heartbroken, I trotted to my room and silently closed the door behind me. I could hear the quiet, almost snoring breath from Elizabeth's crib. It sparked inspiration. I opened the door to the living room again. Edward was sitting on the couch, legs up, with his journal at his side.

"Can I try something? Show you something of what I made you miss? To give you your first and very fatherly experience?"

He nodded, looking befuddled. In my room, I hunched over Elizabeth's crib and slowly peeled her sleeping form from her bed. Her deadweight was a little hard to balance and she grumbled in her sleep. I moved back to Edward, who was watching my every move. "Lie on you back." I ordered and Edward did what I instructed. Carefully, I lowered Elizabeth onto his chest, while letting her settle on him. She started whining a little. I quickly slipped the pacifier into her mouth and she quieted down instantly, suckling and grunting content.

Edward gaped at me, but his eyes were so full of wonder and excitement. "Won't she wake?" he barely whispered.

"No. Just stroke her back if she starts fussing and she will quiet down."

"She's heavy." He mused surprised. "Does she know me well enough to be okay with this?"

I nodded. "She loves being cuddled like this. Getting to sleep on a warm chest is a treat for her. Nothing's better in the world. It is a really bad habit, but we all do it with her."

His face fell. "We all…" he mouthed disappointed. "That makes me no one special."

I sat down on the other sofa. "That's not true, Edward. You are her father and that is someone very special. It is not her fault that I made the mistake of not telling you."

Edward cracked a small smile. "Now you are just sucking up to me and trying to make me less mad at you."

"Is it working?"

He didn't answer and just looked down at Elizabeth nuzzling her face into his neck. He stroked her hair, wrapping the sheet over her back.

I sat back and just watched Edward watch Elizabeth with a look of wonder and love. After a while, his eyes started to fall shut and he dozed off with his arms around his daughter. The sight of them sleeping soundly made me heart swell. How could I have been so wrong to keep him away from her? How could I ever have thought it was for his own good? It was like I was staring at my own overbearing reflection and she was snidely mocking me with a look that said _'don't look at me, you brought this on yourself'_. They were so beautiful and peaceful sleeping together. Tears came in violent torrents, when I was alone in my room. I was so used to Elizabeth's breathing that the eerie quietness made me anxious. I sat down on the bed trying to think through this oddly chaotic day, but it was impossible. All I could think was that I lost him, maybe forever. I had made all the wrong choices thinking they were right and it was my own fault that he would never love me back now. There wasn't a chance for us to be a family like I had dreamed and it was my entire fault. The tears quickly turned to sobs and I curled shattered into bed. I gave into my devastation and just let myself fall apart.

I woke late into the morning, barely able to open my eyes. They were completely swollen from all the crying last night and so was my face, I suspected. Elizabeth's bed was empty and fear shot through me like an arrow, but I sighed gratefully when I heard Elizabeth talk gibberish from somewhere in the apartment. I suddenly remembered she had spent the night on Edward's chest.

I leaned against the doorjamb to the kitchen, while just looking at Edward and Elizabeth making a mess trying to eat breakfast. Edward spotted me and then smiled almost shyly. "Morning," I croaked, my voice was rough. "What are you having?" I asked, hoping yesterday's somber mood was forgotten.

"Oatmeal. My mom used to make it for my sister and me. It is basically the only thing that I know how to cook. Besides, I couldn't find anything else."

"I guess that I need to go shopping." I paused and gazed into the pot. It was slightly burned on the bottom. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby." He paused. "I had another very fatherly experience this morning." I met his humorous eyes and cocked a brow at him. "How can so much nasty stuff come out of someone so small?"

I laughed at his grimace. "Yeah, she usually does leave a morning treat. Bad?"

"Worse. It was all the way up her back."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I'm not helpless, Bella." He quickly shot at me. Okay, yesterday's resentment and dreary mood not forgotten. "I gave her a bath. I'm sorry to tell you your bathroom is a bit of a mess." He shrugged apologetically.

"It's okay." I sat down and just took in the feeding session playing out in front of me. I wasn't sure if he was trying to impress me or he was simply doing all of this because he wanted it. Elizabeth had taken to him completely. I felt awful and instantly remembered the only fight I ever had with Emmett about Edward. Emmett had been pissed off.

_Bella. I'm not her dad, but I'm the goddamn closest thing she has to one and that one is on you! Because the guy who actually has a claim on that sweet girl, you won't let into her life. You won't let him have a chance. And that's wrong and you know it. You're just chicken shit and you're fucking scared, so now you're taking it out on us because you want to escape the consequences."_

I pushed the memory back, feeling overwhelmed with the whole ordeal. Once more, I took the coward way out and edited my thoughts. There would be time for groveling later. Edward should have been the one here, not Emmett.

"Where are you going when you leave here?" I asked.

"I am working on a project in Mexico at the moment. It finishes in about two weeks, but before that I need to make a stop in L.A. There is someone I need to see."

"Who?" I blurted.

"My girlfriend," he answered quietly and evaluated my face.

My heart plummeted into a deep endless abyss. His girlfriend! I hadn't even considered that possibility. "Have you been with her for long?" I asked to refocus my attention on something other than my own disappointment.

"Depends on how you look at it. I've known her for about six months."

"Are you in love with her?" I questioned trying to hide my desperation.

His vulnerable and deep-set eyes studied my face endlessly. "Not like I was in love with you." He paused. "I don't know if I am in love with Rosalie. Though, I need to talk to her and tell her about Elizabeth. I owe her that much."

It was like my entire body started falling apart piece by piece. He was in love with me. _Was_. Not anymore. It didn't matter how much I still longed for him. Seeing him for the past eighteen hours or so amplified that. I was desperately in love with him, but my chance and time to stake my claim had passed. I said nothing as he kept gazing at me.

oooooOOOOooooo

He stood in the hall, slowly hefting the backpack over his shoulder. "Will you come back?" I asked quietly.

He studied me for a long excruciating moment. "Yes. I will be back for my daughter. If you are asking me whether I will be back for you? Then the answer is that I don't know. I don't know what I feel for Rosalie. I don't know what I feel for you. I need some time and distance to think, Bella. I don't know if I will be able to forgive you."

"I hope you can," I whispered muddled.

"I can see it in your eyes that you do. I can see everything in your eyes, Bella and what you are hoping for." He captured my chin and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "Two years ago, I would have given you the world, but now I am really confused. I am hurt and disappointed. I need to figure out how to deal with that."

"I'll be here, Edward."

He smiled gently. I leaned forward hoping to at least get a hug. His arms snaked around when he embraced me tightly. "Bye." He whispered and kissed the top of my head. The embrace was way too short. I needed so much more right now. I battled the tears intensely.

He crouched down to Elizabeth's level. He just gazed at her longingly, while trying to tame a wayward curl behind her ear. I knew it would bounce free within the next second. "Daddy will be back soon, I promise." He whispered softly to her. "I'm sorry, but I have to go, sweetheart."

Edward didn't look at me when the click of the door sounded and he was gone from my life. If Elizabeth hadn't been here, I would have crumbled to the floor, crushed and beaten. How on God's green earth had I gone so wrong with my choices?

For the next two days, I willed my way through the light hours. My mind was stuck in a haze and the only thing I seemed to be able to do properly was go through the daily routines with Elizabeth. Never in my life had I felt this devastatingly alone. Sure Jasper, Alice and Emmett tried to cheer me up and encourage me that it was good that Edward and I talked and got the air cleared, but to me, it all felt horrible and like a defeat.

The only thing that had my full attention was the documents delivered by a courier from a Mr. J. Jenks, Attorney at Law. Edward was suing me for shared custody of Elizabeth. I had read through all of his conditions. I signed the dotted line and pushed the papers away from me. I wasn't going to contest the agreement.

Elizabeth was sleeping on Emmett's chest, but I didn't have it in me to complain about it today. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to fight and let Edward into our lives. I hoped that I had figured out a way to do that.

Another two days later, I twirled the pen in my sore hand and started writing. I had worked furiously through the hours.

_Dearest Edward,_

_I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for the poor choices I have made. Seeing you again made it crystal clear that I have not made wise decisions in my life or for our daughter's life. I want to rectify that more than anything. _

_I have signed the custody documents and I am returning them to your lawyer with this letter and gift from me to you. You get Elizabeth for one week of the month, and three weeks over the summer. She is your daughter as much as she is mine._

_The only thing I am not comfortable with is the amount of money you wish to pay me in child support. We do fine on our own, but I understand and acknowledge your need to participate as well. If you refuse to lower the amount here is what I will do. I think five hundred dollars a month would more than suffice to help our daily expenses, so the remaining four thousand five hundred dollars I will deposit into a fund for Elizabeth as a saving for what she would want or need later in life. It will be her choice how to spend the money, not mine._

_As for you and me, Edward, I sincerely hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I wish I was stronger and that I could tell you in person, but I couldn't when you were here. The truth is that I am deeply in love with you and have been ever since I left you. I didn't know it back then, but I do now. For two years, I have hoped for a future with you, but I was too intimidated to contact you. What you said about the foundation of my choices and why I chose not to disclose the truth to you were right. I was selfish, because I was scared. Please consider my apology. I love you very much and you are so special to me._

_I'm deeply sorry that I never told you about our wonderful daughter, because you deserve to know her and for her to know you._

_Included with this letter is a scrapbook that I made for you. It was the only way I could think of to give you the memories and experiences that I stole from you. I know this is only a tiny bandage on a very large wound and it will never come close to what you should have experienced and shared with our daughter. If I could turn back time and do it all over. I would have given you the chance and let you be her father._

_I wrote everything I can remember down about being pregnant and the first year of Elizabeth's life. I added photos of our daughter whenever it was possible. I hoped to do it as elegantly as your journals I remember you treasured, but I just don't have a creative bone in my body. I hope this will make do. I left about half the scrapbook empty, so you can continue filling the pages with all the memories you create with her in the future._

_I miss you terribly and I hope to hear from you soon_

_Bella _

oooooOOOOooooo

**Perhaps not what you expected or was it. Tell me what you think.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22 for your help on this chapter. I am not really sure how to put this beast together anymore without you.**

**AN:**

**A major thanks to those of you who chose to comment or add me to your alerts. I love reading them and respond to the best of my ability.**

**So see how things develop between Bella and Edward. Let me know what you think.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 21**

Boy was I facing the somber and depressing music of my actions. A few days had passed since I sent the letter to Edward. I had heard nothing back. I never knew this level of guilt was even possible. It was eating at my soul. I'd known for a long time that I was in love with Edward. It was gut-wrenching knowing that I had devastated the man I loved and I had no one to blame, but me.

I had flipped through the pictures from when we met at the resort numerous times just wallowing in the pain of how it all had gone wrong. I thought up countless scenarios about how I should have contacted him when I was pregnant with the news of our child and rejoicing in the fact that now I knew exactly how he would react, but it was absolutely useless to live in that dream world.

Another thing that bugged me was Rosalie. I had secretly googled her and learned exactly who she was. Edward had scolded me for thinking too little of myself, but seeing Rosalie Hale had been another blow to my self-esteem. Talk about a swimsuit goddess! She was blonde and utterly perfect.

Emmett had kept prodding me for details on my encounter with Edward, but I refused to talk about it. I couldn't open up to him. Not yet anyway. I needed to sort this out in my head before I could dish the details to Emmett.

Almost every night, I had cried myself to sleep. I didn't know how to avoid the tears either. Tonight was no different from the rest. Jasper and Alice could be heard talking, sometimes laughing quietly in the living room. I had learned to cry inaudibly, so that I wouldn't alarm them or wake up Elizabeth. The light on my phone flashed insistently. I had it on silent.

My heart fluttered insanely when I saw the number. I had it memorized. I snorted a few tears back too loudly, before I picked up. Elizabeth stirred and grumbled in her crib.

"Hi," Edward breathed. He didn't sound as upset or distraught as the last time that I had heard his voice.

"Hi back," I murmured. I wiped my face, wishing my voice wasn't so thick and pathetic with tears. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." It was silent. "How's Elizabeth?" He asked after what seemed like minutes of dead air.

"She's running a slight fever, but she's fine." I drew a deep breath to help ease my sobs.

"She's sick?" he asked instantly concerned.

"It's just a slight cold. Nothing bad. She's sleeping right now." I wiped more falling tears, feeling happy and devastated at the same time to have an almost normal conversation with him.

"Oh." He listened quietly after a while. "Are you crying?" he asked suddenly.

"Yeah," I croaked as that simple question brought on a tidal wave of tears. "I'm just so sorry, Edward. I'm sorry." I managed to say, but it was completely muddled by tears and hardly comprehensible. I wished that I was able to calm myself down. I glanced down into her crib hoping talking wasn't going to wake her up, because there was no way I was going into the kitchen with Alice and Jasper still up. I just didn't need them to know.

"I know you're sorry, Bella. I, er… I got your letter through my lawyer. Thank you," he said appreciatively.

"Oh." I breathed, knowing my feeble attempt with what I hoped that we could be was laid out before him. It made me anxious and left me feeling completely exposed.

"I called to say thank you. The scrapbook was very nice. I think I read it like four times already." I almost cringed at the thought about my hardly legible handwriting, compared to his elegant script.

"I didn't know how else to tell you about everything," I snorted. "I wanted to show you that I truly am sorry for how I handled things between us. I wish that I would have done everything differently."

He sighed loudly, almost irritated. "I know you are sorry, Bella. You keep saying it." He paused. "Instead of hashing out how sorry you are and how disappointed I am, perhaps we should try to move forward. It wouldn't change a damn thing treading that same path, so I think we should look ahead and not backwards."

"Okay," I mouthed stunned. "What do you have in mind?"

"I have some time off this coming weekend. I would like to see my daughter. I'm still in Mexico right now, but I could come to you."

"Sure," I almost barked into my phone at the pure thrill of getting to spend time with him. Elizabeth whined a little in her crib. I lowered my voice again. "Uhm, the weather is supposed to be really nice. We could take Elizabeth out…"

He cut me off. "That's not really any good, Bella. I wish that I could do that…" he trailed off, letting it hang there mid air. Oh, I got it - too public for him. It was strange thinking about that very public part of his persona. I was living in oblivion, but he wasn't. Besides now, there was also Elizabeth to consider. I had no clue how popular he was out there, but I was sure the press would have a field day when they found out about Elizabeth. I wasn't ready for that, nor did I want to subject my daughter to whatever mayhem followed Edward around.

"Okay, we'll figure something else out," I redirected, letting my mind run wild with possibilities.

"Bella?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"I don't mean to be insensitive or an asshole, but I really haven't gotten my life figured out at all. I haven't found a solution to anything other than I need to be a father to Elizabeth. I can't give you an answer to what you said in your letter about the future or how you feel about me. I know it complicates things, but I just need clear lines for now. I still need to figure a bunch of stuff out. I need some time, Bella."

"I understand." I answered quietly, while feeling my heart split down the middle and my soul drop into a deep dark abyss. I had naively hoped so much to get an answer from him.

oooooOOOOooooo

I had a short day at the store then I took Elizabeth home early, so that we could relax. My mind was reeling how Edward and Elizabeth could do something together that would allow him the time and space to spend with her completely out of sight.

Tears came as usual after we had dinner and I retreated to my room. I hardly started my daily meltdown before the phone rang. I picked up quickly, having a strong feeling who was calling. I wiped my face from tears and cleared my voice. "Hello."

"Hi. I meant to call earlier, but I didn't have a chance to be alone until now. How is she today?" Edward asked immediately. I smiled. He was just like any other loving and worried father, who was working late and just wanted to check up on his family. It didn't make me miss Edward any less. Father… the word just stuck in my mind. Suddenly, I knew where we could go.

"The same. Stuffy nose and a slight fever, but nothing too bad." I bit my lip, not considering it for another second before I made the offer. He would probably think I was insane. Well, I even felt like I was slightly unhinged at times. "You still have free time this weekend?"

"Sure," he answered sounding confused.

"I was thinking about your time with Elizabeth. How about we could go somewhere where you don't have to worry about being seen in public?"

He laughed gently. "And where would that be?"

"Can you get to Seattle?"

"Bella, I grew up in Seattle. I think I can manage that." It was hard to miss the sardonic tone in his voice. He was mocking me.

"Oh. Er… anyway, what I was thinking is that I haven't seen my father for a while and I haven't been up to his place for years. So perhaps, we could go there. I promise you that there will be no one around and you can spend the entire weekend with Elizabeth. My dad would love to have us and he hasn't seen her since she was born, so it would basically be like killing two birds with one stone. I also think it would be good if you met Elizabeth's grandfather." I ranted, hoping my sales-pitch was understandable. This was seriously a spur of the moment idea.

"Uhm… I like that." Edward answered after a while. Together, we went over the details. Now, all I had to do was call my dad.

Charlie's joy was hardly contained when I announced that we would be paying him a visit this weekend. I was surprised that he even cancelled his pending fishing trip. I didn't even think that was possible for him. Charlie and not going fishing was like a church without a pastor. The two didn't function very well without each other.

I really didn't know what the hell to pack for the trip. I also feared that I really hadn't thought this through at all. What the hell was I thinking bringing Edward with me to see my dad and what the hell was Edward thinking by accepting? He had been so mad the last time that I'd seen him. What if he spent the next two days glaring at me and making me feel guilty for what I had done? Sure I did feel guilt, but as he said it himself, we should move forward and not backwards. That gave me an inkling of hope. Maybe, this wouldn't be so bad. He had seemed so reasonable on the phone.

oooooOOOOooooo

I flipped the envelope hating the bills that just kept piling up. I was about to toss it aside with the rest of stuff that I needed to deal with, but the name caught my eye - Jenks. Oh no. More legal stuff. Apprehensively, I opened the envelope and gaped at the contents. There were first class airplane tickets to Seattle for Elizabeth and me. Well, that beats flying coach like I had any other choice. This was impressive, but also a little disturbing that he would throw that amount of cash at a pair of airline tickets. I was perfectly comfortable paying my own way and flying coach. I found my phone and typed a message.

_Thanks for the tickets. I will pay you back… eventually._

A few minutes passed, then my phone beeped and the display blinked.

_I'd rather you didn't. She's my girl too._

Oh… I so needed to work on giving up control. I instantly knew all decisions weren't mine anymore – they were ours. Whenever Elizabeth was discussed from now on, my opinion only mattered about fifty percent.

Flying first class was definitely something that I could get used to. The seats were more than comfortable, the food was far above average and the service was outstanding. Elizabeth was curled up on the seat next to me, sleeping for a good part of the trip. How did I get so lucky? Normally parents had their kids screaming from take off until landing. Here I was gazing down at her looking so peaceful and angelic, while she was snoring lightly with the pacifier hanging limply from the side of her mouth. I had tried to tame a long curl with no such luck, but I preferred her with her unruly hair. She got that from Edward.

I stared like an imbecile when I was approached by an airline hostess and was escorted to a private lounge at Sea-Tac to wait for our connection flight to Port Angeles. What happened to just walking up to the gate? Oh, right. Edward probably couldn't do that.

Elizabeth walked her slow baby steps as the hostess heels impatiently clicked against the tiled floors. Her face was impassive, but it was pretty clear that she had an agenda to return to. In a private room, I saw Edward again. My heart was frantic and my legs felt like jelly. The hostess left me alone. I gasped when I realized Edward wasn't alone. He sat with his back to me, chatting cheerfully with a curly haired woman. A toddler about the same age as Elizabeth was bouncing up and down in one of the seats. _Oh no! What was this?_

I made a small noise at the back of my throat, knowing if I spoke, words would betray my aching heart and me. Edward turned around immediately and a huge smile adorned his face. Jumping out of his seat, he crouched down to greet Elizabeth. She was apprehensive at first, clinging to my leg. "Hey, sweetheart," he mused.

"She's a bit groggy. She slept most of the way here," I excused, feeling a little bad when Edward clearly didn't get the warm greeting that he was hoping for from her. My eyes flashed to the woman next to Edward who smiled kindly at me. It was somehow clear that she knew him well. Right now, I was glad that I had googled Rosalie because the woman sitting in the waiting area definitely wasn't her.

"That's okay. We got the weekend." He paused. "Nice to see you again, Bella." Edward said almost too politely. However, his smile was warmer than when he was at my place in New York. That was a good sign. We had talked a lot over the week. That too had to have softened some of the tension between us. Though, I hadn't asked any of the questions that I really wanted to ask. Now, there was this woman here with him. It had really thrown me for a loop. I glanced at her, and tried not to stare. Then, I realized that I'd seen her before. "Bella, this is Tanya. She's a very good friend of mine." When he said the woman's name, it hit me like a sledgehammer. The accusations. She was the woman, who had stood up for him at the press conference. Holy crap! "This little bundle of joy is her daughter Bree." He patted the child's head and she bounced as high as she could on the seat holding the back for support. She looked to be a handful. "Tanya, this is Isabella Swan." He glanced down and carefully threaded his fingers through Elizabeth's wild hair, while she still hung on to my pant leg. "And this is our daughter, Elizabeth," he murmured almost like he was talking to himself.

I was too stunned to even act politely. Tanya took care of that for me and held out her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Bella. Edward has told me a lot about you."

"Uhm… nice to meet you too," I wheezed. I glanced at the shrieking child, Bree, torturing the chair, hammering her feet into the seat. She looked nothing like Edward. Whereas, Elizabeth was the spitting image of her father. I felt a fraction of relief.

Tanya turned to Edward. "It was so nice seeing you again and get a chance to see your girl. She's so lovely, Edward." She leaned in, kissed his cheek and then put a hand on his chest. He leaned down and let her. How close were they? "Come back again soon. Promise me?" I was glad she didn't bat her lashes at him, but instead she just smiled. "I hope to see you again sometime Bella and your beautiful daughter. Have a nice weekend." I couldn't believe it. She was so nice. Tanya hinged an arm around the wild child and playfully hefted her up her hip. "Come here you."

"Give Matt my best," Edward said and ruffled the grinning and combative child's hair. "Make sure your mom's never bored." He laughed. He was so comfortable and at ease with them. It made me jealous.

I still hadn't relocated my ability to speak when they were out the door of the private lounge. Edward glanced at the time. "We should move or we will miss our flight," he said.

Settling on the small plane, Elizabeth was staring silently at Edward reading his face. She looked small sitting there. When I buckled her in, her feet were not even falling over the edge of the seat. With my hands focused on the seat belt, I was finally able to speak. "Who's Matt?" I mumbled.

"Tanya's husband," Edward answered. His wise and penetrating eyes lingering on my face. A frisson of a smile crept across his lips. "Bree's my goddaughter. I landed in Seattle late last night. When I'm here, I always stay at their place. Seattle used to be my home and Tanya's place almost feels like home to me. She's basically my best friend."

"Okay," I breathed in a deep sigh of relief. I fiddled with my own seat belt before we would taxi down the runway. So, there was nothing going on between them. I almost sagged with relief knowing Bree wasn't Edward's offspring as well. We had so much to learn about each other. That much was crystal clear. "Does she know a lot about Elizabeth and me?"

"She knows everything," he answered, while slowly starting a game with Elizabeth. He was toying with her fingers and letting her pat his. It was an easy way to weasel a smile from her.

"Oh." I mouthed surprised. "She seemed very friendly," I added.

"She is," Edward agreed absentmindedly, while smiling at Elizabeth.

The connecting flight was less than an hour and Edward rented a car and car seat for Elizabeth for the drive up to Forks. He was prepared. That was for sure. I was happy that I wasn't making the trip in my dad's cruiser. This was far less humiliating.

I studied Edward's face and some odd bruising on his neck, just at the collar of his shirt. "Did you get into a fight?" I asked and frowned. I didn't really picture him for a fighter.

Edward smiled ironically. "Sort of. The project that I just finished was action packed. I got a little banged up two days ago. Nothing serious." He glanced in the rearview mirror, gazing at Elizabeth. "Is her cold all gone?"

"Almost," I answered and stared down at my knotted fingers. This conversation felt normal. Was I imagining this? Was I delusional? Or was this a glimpse of how we would have a future? Just by being friends and raising our child? It was a start nonetheless.

Edward pulled up in front of my dad's house and Charlie was out of the door in a nanosecond. His face was beaming like a kid on Christmas morning. "Oh, Bells, it is so good to see you."

"You too, dad." We hugged shortly, a little awkwardly, because none of us were never overly affectionately with each other. That wasn't our style. "Dad, this is Edward Cullen. Elizabeth's father." Charlie glared at Edward for a split second and then shook his hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Swan." Edward said flawlessly polite, ignoring my dad's momentarily hard glare.

I unstrapped Elizabeth from her seat and pulled her from the car. Dad was ready to greet her with his hands outstretched. Edward was basically positioned the same way. This was going to be fun. Charlie won and took the baby. Edward almost perfectly withheld his smile and hid his disappointment.

Dad's house was small and sparsely furnished, but functional. I knew he didn't spend much time here. He awkwardly showed Edward around downstairs, before we ascended the stairs for the next level. Charlie peered over his shoulder for a brief moment. "Separate bedrooms," he muttered. I tried to hold back my snicker. I had been married, had a child, and was twenty-six years old yet he still insisted on separate accommodations. It was a little hilarious. I met Edward's humorous eyes and he narrowed his lips to hide his grin. Dad didn't need to state the obvious, but Edward and I never planned on sharing a bedroom anyway. I rolled my eyes.

Inside the kitchen, I scoured for what kind of food that was available, just out of habit. Nothing. That hadn't changed. I checked the time. It wasn't too late to make a quick stop at the store and fill Charlie's cabinets with food. That would secure breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next few days.

I stared at the old rust bucket that Dad had procured for me, just before I moved with Renée to New York. I couldn't believe that he hadn't gotten rid of the truck. Edward was on the porch with Elizabeth on the arm. "You're not taking her out in that thing," he refused immediately, basically telling me what to do. I shook my head.

"I was going to leave her with you and Charlie. I'll be back in an hour." I called over my shoulder and opened the squeaking car door.

"Take the rental," he called after me.

"This is fine, Edward," I refused.

I shopped for everything I could think of, basically stocking up to make sure Charlie would have enough to suffice for a while. He normally ate dinner at a diner, where the food was soaked in grease. He should take better care of his health.

I unpacked, while secretly watching Edward sit on the floor and play with Elizabeth. It all seemed so unreal. He really did devote his time to her, because as he sat there with her, it was like the outside world melted away from him.

Charlie was hovering, trying to help out unpacking groceries. "You really don't need to do this, Bella."

"Sure I do, dad. Do you even know where the store is?" I joked and smiled.

"Okay, you made your point." He paused and looked at me hopefully. "Does that mean you'll cook dinner?"

I laughed. "Sure, dad."

I placed my plate in the sink after dinner. Edward mirrored. "Thank you for dinner. It was very nice. Would you mind if I take her tonight?" he asked. Edward leaned against the counter gazing down at me. His smile had changed during the day and gotten warmer, but it was like he was trying to restrain himself from doing or saying something.

"Uhm… go ahead." I knew he had liked having her on the couch with him the last time that they saw each other. Perhaps, one of the paths to earn his forgiveness was to let him as close with Elizabeth as he wanted and just not meddle whenever they spent time together.

"I'll get her ready for bed," he murmured and took her from my hands. His fingers grazed my arm, and in at least one million ways, I wanted to deny how good it felt to have his skin touch mine. It tingled at the tiny contact. I longed so much for those kind words, hearts, flowers, kisses and hugs that I had imagined would make up our reunion, but there was no way I could expect that now.

I listened to him chatting at Elizabeth and her babbling back as the sound of his footsteps climbed the stairs.

"Bella?" Dad said from behind me. I turned and looked expectantly at Charlie. "He seems oddly cool towards you," Dad stated worried.

"That's because he is mad at me and carries a grudge." Dad's mouth popped open and his eyes narrowed, probably ready to let Edward have it. "It was no more than two weeks ago that he found out about her." I bit my lip coming clean to my dad.

"You never told him about her?" he asked astonished.

"No," I mumbled.

"I thought he chose not to be a part of your lives. So you deliberately kept Elizabeth away from him?" The resentment was hardly concealed in the tone of his voice.

"Please not you too, Dad." I sighed, feeling tears burn my eyes.

"Did you, Bella?"

"Yes," I admitted guiltily.

"Then you can't really blame him for being mad at you, can you?" Oh no, even my dad was siding with Edward. "I hope you know you did a bad thing, Bells."

"I know, Dad. I made a mistake, a big one, but I'm trying to make up for it."

"I am glad you are, sweetheart. And I'm glad you came to see your old man." Charlie got up, left his plate in the sink, thanked me for dinner and retreated to the living room to watch a game, I suspect.

I cleaned the kitchen, while running my dad's words through my mind. Even he saw the full extent of my fault. The sound of the game blared from the living room and the light sound of Charlie snoring on the couch. Outside, I sat on the stairs for a while. My mind hazed with guilt, but I refused to let it consume me. I just needed to play my cards right. Edward wanted to be in Elizabeth's life and so he should be, no matter if we would never be anything other than friends. It tore my heart to come to terms with that and accept it. I listened to the eerie quietness of the surroundings forest and inhaled the damp air. I didn't exactly miss this place, but right now, it was a good place to think and seek solitude away from the world.

Quickly, I did a mental inventory whether I remembered giving Angela all the information that she needed to run the store. Jasper had offered to help Angela out while I was gone, so I could have this chance to show Edward that I would and could make room for him in our lives.

Moving inside, the TV was turned off, but the light in the kitchen was still on. "What are you doing?" I asked when I spotted Edward sitting with his head in his hands. It was strange seeing this beautiful man sitting in my father's chair.

"Reading. Elizabeth is sleeping like a rock, but I can't sleep yet."

I nodded and picked up one of the printed stacks of papers from the table. "Are these manuscripts for movies?" I asked when I sat down beside him. It was a little thrilling getting a peak into his world.

"Yep. They are for projects that I am considering."

"Why only considering?" I wondered out loud.

"I was thinking about not doing anything at all for a while," He said quietly and evaluated me. His green intelligent eyes were reading me. "I was thinking about spending some time in New York. Possibly spending my days with Elizabeth, while you work. It has to be better for you, so you don't have to work out the puzzle everyday for who is going to take her for the day."

"You would do that? I mean, don't you have to make a living?" I asked astonished at the depth of his devotion to his daughter. He was willing to sacrifice that much.

He smiled almost smugly. "No, I don't really have to work at all. Not for the rest of my life. I barely have any expenses. I hardly own anything. I hold a job that makes me rather a lot of money, plus I inherited from my parents' and my sister's estate and I sold their house. Money isn't really an issue for me."

"Lucky you," I sighed, but Edward just shrugged. "Can I ask you something?" I continued deciding now was the time to air some of the questions that were nagging me.

"Sure."

"How did your girlfriend take the news about Elizabeth?"

He paled a little. "She's a bit temperamental, but all in all, it wasn't that bad." He paused. "Rosalie isn't my girlfriend anymore though. We broke up." He answered evenly and turned a page.

"Why?" I mouthed, as hope spread though my veins like a brushfire. I was such a lovesick puppy.

"Well, mainly because I am not sure how I feel about her and I think she was more in love with the idea of us, than in love with me as a person. So we or I decided to call it quits."

"I see."

"How does that make you feel?" he asked gently.

I bit my lip, or rather gnawed nervously on it. My heart was anxiously pumping in my chest. "Would I be a bitch if I admitted that I'm not exactly sad about it?"

Edward laughed his melodic and warm laugh. "I guess not. Your letter didn't exactly mask how you feel about me." I flushed violently and I averted my eyes from him. My heart raced even harder. This was just so humiliating. "Besides that, how about you and love? Has there been anyone you were interested in?" he prodded, seeking information. Though, the same fierceness leaked into his tone, as when he questioned me about Jasper.

I shook my head. "No."

"No one at all? Not even… Emmett?" he asked quietly, like he was testing the grounds.

"Emmett's just a friend. He's a really good friend, but I hardly think that I am blond enough for his tastes." The image of Rosalie Hale suddenly popped into my mind, for some reason.

"I'm liking him more and more now." I thought I heard him say before he returned to the script. I smiled secretly.

"Can I have a look at one of these?"

"If you want?"

"Any favorites so far?" I asked.

"Not really. Why do you try to read some of them and tell me which one you like?" He glanced sideways at me and absentmindedly handed me a script from the top of the pile. It looked like there was three or four. I fixed us some coffee, sat down beside him again and started reading. I quickly lost interest with the first one, so I reached for the next one.

"No good?" Edward asked when I realized he was watching me. I shook my head and frowned. "You read fast," he complimented.

"I own a book store. I read for a living. At least, there is something I know how to do right." I mouthed scathingly.

"I'm sure that there are more things you do right," Edward said and stood up. He reached for the coffee and refreshed our drinks.

The second script was far better than the first one. I was completely absorbed in the characters, the plotting and the depth of the setting. This was good, painful, but outstanding. Though the story was stealing my attention, I wasn't unaware that this felt like it did when we first met. This was the easy way that I remembered being with him. The silence wasn't awkward or tensed now. It was just… effortless.

"We should go to bed." Edward broke through to my attention and pulled me back to the real world or more precisely my father's rustic kitchen. "There is a whole day tomorrow and it's getting late." I stared flabbergasted at the clock on the wall. It was past two am. I had been reading for roughly four hours on end. I stretched my back and handed the script back to Edward.

"Night, Bella, he said quietly outside my old room. I was on the sofa bed in the small den. When he wanted to have Elizabeth for the night, they should have the best bed. It was just strange imagining him curled up on the mattress, where I spent some of my formative years.

"Night, Edward," I whispered, feeling lighter inside than I had for days.

I woke with the rain sloshing hard against the window. That was something that I didn't miss - the dampness and the endless rain. Even with the downpour, I knew I had slept in. I trotted downstairs in my pajamas. The kitchen was empty and so was the small living room. I glanced out the window and the rental car was gone. Charlie, Edward and Elizabeth were off somewhere. I wasn't sure that I was comfortable with that concept. I just had to learn to trust people.

I cleaned the house for something to do. I scrubbed the kitchen floor, because it wasn't exactly something Charlie would care to do. I rearranged the groceries purchased yesterday and cleaned all the cabinets.

Upstairs in my old bedroom, I gathered Elizabeth's clothes from yesterday and toys scattered over the floor. Slung over his simple bag, I picked up the blue t-shirt Edward had worn yesterday and held it to my nose. It smelled heavenly, just like him. I thought I remembered the scent of his body wash. As I stumbled across Edward's journal casually tossed on the bed, I knew that I really needed to control my curiosity and not sneak a peek inside. I was horribly nosy, but I couldn't invade his privacy like that. Staring at the leather binding, I knew it was the same one from when we first met. Just now, it was far more tattered than when I'd last I'd seen it. Instead of violating his privacy, I reached for another one of the scripts, lay down on my old bed and started reading.

This story wasn't as gripping as the one I read the night before, but it was still good.

"So you're going through my stuff now?" Edward suddenly asked from the door. I stumbled off the bed with my heart racing so hard that I was feeling dizzy.

"I wasn't. I swear…" I croaked.

"It's okay, Bella," he flashed an easy going smile and set Elizabeth down beside me. The tension between us was hardly noticeable between us today. It was gone just like last night. "I think she needs a nap."

I looked at my girl. Her eyes were droopy and she was starting to whine. I nuzzled her cheek and kissed her hair. "Has she had lunch?"

"Yup. Charlie took us to the diner." Edward paused. "Do you want to take a walk with me while she sleeps? The weather's cleared up."

I all but gaped at him. This was easier than I ever imagined. He was giving me a pass and really letting us rekindle. It was so unexpected. "A walk sounds nice," I answered gratefully. I had been cooped up inside all day, so some fresh air sounded good.

I changed Elizabeth's diaper and got her ready for her nap. It didn't take her long to fall asleep when she had her pacifier and one in each hand to snuggle with.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I muttered quite confused, as we started a slow walk up the road.

"Would it do me any good to hold a grudge? I just think it's better if we get along instead of fighting. We are kind of stuck with each other now that we have Elizabeth. So it's about making the best out of what we have."

"I can't tell you how grateful that I am to have this chance to get to know you again," I answered quietly.

"That is what this is about, isn't it? Getting to know each other again," Edward said.

"That's one way of looking at it. So what did you do with Charlie all morning?"

"He showed me the police station, took me around town and to some of the fishing sites that he likes."

"So he was nice to you?" I glanced up at him, where a slow secret smile rested on his lips. It all but melted my heart, seeing him smile was something I never wanted to take for granted. The beauty of the way his face lit up was immeasurable.

"Yeah. We talked about you a lot," Edward offered.

I cringed and bit my lip. "That can't have been good."

"My lips are sealed." He smiled smugly. I had to peel my eyes from that smile. "Anyway, how did you go with the scripts?" He asked. We were passing by Main Street, where it was quiet as expected on a Saturday afternoon.

"Oh… I really didn't mean to pry into your stuff." I paused. "I liked the one that I read last night. It was really good, but also kind of painful."

"That it is," Edward agreed.

"Which one did you like?"

"I like the same, but I am not sure if I want to do it."

"So the part is yours, if you want it?" He nodded. "But why wouldn't you want to do the movie then? I think you would be great at it."

"Well, mainly for two reasons. One, that part will take a lot from me personally. I really need to dig deeply into a lot of pain that I've put behind me. The second reason is what I told you about last night. Accepting that part would take me away from Elizabeth for extended periods of time. Right now, I am not sure that is what I want to do. However, Bella, you haven't answered that question."

"What question?" I asked confused.

"About me coming to New York and taking Elizabeth during the day?"

I stared at him flabbergasted. "So you were really serious about that? Edward, if that is what you want, I am not going to be a roadblock. Like I said in my letter, she is as much your daughter as she is mine. If you want to stay at home with her, that is what you should do. It's up to you."

"Okay. I will let you know later what I decide to do."

"Edward, what will happen when the press finds out about Elizabeth? I don't want her in the middle of some mayhem or media frenzy."

"Trust me. Neither do I. Jenks is ready when that happens. He takes care of most of the public stuff for me. I won't let anything bad happen to her when it comes to my life and all that it entails. I swear."

"Thank you," I said appreciatively. I really needed to know that no one unintended was getting near her.

It was silent for a little while, until I started explaining all the small things that I remembered about growing up here. He listened attentively, looked around and asked questions as we kept a slow stroll across town. It felt good to tell him about how much I hated the rain and the evergreen forest life surrounding the town or old high school dramas or how I never really had crushes on boys. He stopped my tirade suddenly. "I was wondering, how about Jacob? Do you still think about him?" He gazed down at me with worry embedded deeply in his emerald eyes. The softer and kinder that he became with me, the harder it got to refuse my blossoming feelings for him. Everything inside me was wide awake and loving every facet of Edward.

"I do. I think about him almost every day, but it isn't devastating anymore. I hardly notice when I do it and it doesn't control my life that I lost him. You helped me accept that he is gone and that it's okay to move on. Besides, I kind of had to go on when I figured out I was pregnant. So I learned to live with it."

"I am glad to hear that. Good for you, Bella." Edward finished. I looked up and dark rain filled clouds that were gathering above our heads. We turned back towards home again, though we had mainly been going around in a circle.

"How did you find me?" The question had been bothering me, basically since he stepped into my bookstore about two weeks ago.

"Are you sure you want to know?" he grinned.

"Just tell me." I rolled my eyes. Heavy drops of water started to fall, landing icily on my face.

"I am not a hundred percent sure, but I am guessing it was Alice?" He gazed down at me, matching my slow place.

"Alice?" I breathed astonished. What the hell had she come up with now? I all but stopped dead in my tracks.

Edward nodded quietly. "She was in L.A. a few weeks ago. She sold a dress to Rose. I saw her once in our hotel room. However, she never told me about you, herself." He stopped talking for a moment, but a pensive look crawled across his face. "The next day, a picture of you and your name was left for me at the lobby. So it was hardly an accident that the woman, who sold my girlfriend a dress, was also roommates with the woman that I looked for, for a long time… and turned out to be the mother of my daughter. See my point?" Edward smiled smugly.

"Yeah, only Alice would have the nerve to do that," I muttered, knowing with almost certainty that Alice was behind this. I wiped my face, trying to rid my skin of the cold rain.

"Don't be mad at her." He gently placed his hand over mine and gave it a light squeeze. Our eyes met and it was like staring into the caring and loving eyes of the Edward that had pulled me from my shell on a beach in Thailand. This was the man that I was in love with. This was the man that I longed for since the day I stupidly ran from him. Oh, Edward. "I'm glad that she meddled," he said softly.

The effortlessness between us soaked the air surrounding us along with the heavy rain. Edward didn't take his eyes from me and I just let myself get lost in the tenderness in his gaze. He was the man that saw right through me. I couldn't hold it back and I was flooded with instant remorse. I couldn't bear it any longer. I hurled my body against his and threw my arms around his neck. "Please forgive me, Edward. I hate what I've done to you. I hope you can let me into your life." I snorted against his chest brokenly. It was pathetic, but I needed him. It was like the sky opened up and rain fell heavy and dense all around us. Just like my tears. "You are such a wonderful father and I love you." I croaked without considering what the hell was coming out of my mouth.

Edward arms around me felt like a cushion against all hardship in the world and a shelter from the sloshing drops. This was where I wanted to be, no matter if I deserved to be or not. Like he had done before, he let me cry for a while. I could feel him lay his cheek against the top of my head. "Oh, Bella," he breathed thickly, but didn't say anything else. We just stood for a long time in the cold rain getting drenched to the skin. I didn't want to move. I couldn't let him go.

oooooOOOOooooo

My goodbye with Charlie was a little heartbreaking. I didn't see him often and I knew I needed to make it a priority for us to visit him more. I didn't think he was lonely, but I didn't want him to miss out on Elizabeth growing up.

"Thanks for having us, Dad," I said quietly, standing on the porch in shelter of the slow drizzle.

"It was good seeing you, Bells. You look healthy." He turned to Edward. "Don't be a stranger," Charlie said quietly, somewhat uncomfortable. Gushing emotions was just something that my dad never did. However, his brown eyes betrayed him. He really was sad to see us leave. Charlie had been more forthcoming towards Edward than I had ever dreamed. Dad was open and chatty, while showing him his fishing gear. I pretended to listen, but Charlie hardly engaged me in those conversations. He knew very well that I basically had no interest and it was like studying Russian without a dictionary for me. I just didn't get it, but Edward listened attentively.

"I wasn't planning on it, Mr. Swan." Edward answered and shook Charlie's hand.

"Charlie," he amended and looked down, flushing just slightly. I hugged Charlie with Elizabeth on my arm and he kissed her cheek. "Perhaps, Grandpa could come see you this summer."

"We would love that, Dad." I was truly overcome with sadness that we didn't live closer, but the fact was his life was here and mine was in New York. We would just have to find a way to make the best of it and see each other more.

"Thank you for this weekend. It was a good idea to come here," Edward said quietly. The lump in my throat was blocking my ability to speak and Elizabeth was heavy on my hip. We were back at Sea-Tac. He was bound for L.A. and I was on a flight to New York. The ride in the car and the connection flight to Seattle had been quiet. After yesterday's declaration in the rain filled street of Forks, the time had passed too fast. Every hour that I spent with Edward and Elizabeth only felt like a minute and it was much too short. I wanted these surprisingly blissful and quiet days to continue, but I knew it couldn't last. The real world was calling again and reclaiming us.

He bent down and kissed Elizabeth's cheek. "Bye, my sweet girl," he whispered. "Daddy will see you soon. Be good to your mommy." Elizabeth reached for him, grabbing onto his sweatshirt and started to cry. He took her from me and hugged her for a long moment. He shushed her while stroking her hair, before he sadly returned her to me. It was incredible how she had taken to him in such a short while. He turned his beautiful green eyes to me, locking them with mine. "Bye, Bella," he murmured.

"Bye, Edward." My voice was nothing, but shallow breath. It's amazing how much these goodbyes hurt. Never again did I want to say goodbye to him not knowing where we stand. Besides, I was hardly unaware of the fact that I had no promises from him, yet selfishly I wanted to have a claim on him.

He didn't move. He just kept contact between our eyes. This was nothing like the last sendoff where he had been so mad. It was like all his anger had evaporated. Slowly, he bent towards me, grasped my chin with his thumb and forefinger and carefully brushed his lips against mine. I closed my eyes savoring the heavenly scent of his skin. He smelled exactly like I remembered. Our lips lingered connected for a too short moment when he kissed me very gently on the mouth.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next one. I hope you will leave me a thought or two on how things are developing.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22 for your help on this OUTTAKE. **

**AN:**

**This was actually written as a part of FOUR WEEKS, but just felt more suitable showing you this as a part of Starting Over. So this, I hope, will be a treat for those of you who think Alice is underrated in this story.**

**Tell me what you think in the comments about little Alice meddling.**

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OUTTAKE of Alice's visit to L.A.

**APOV**

Stepping into the less than decadent, downright shabby downtown hotel room, I was already totally homesick. I checked the time, only one hour until my first appointment and hopefully a fitting. Getting the opportunity to dress actresses to their shindigs was a mammoth chance for me. Everyone would see my designs, but nothing was set in stone yet. I was battling some intense competition and huge brands. I was still no one in this world of fashion. So I could only hope that they would pick a dress of mine over the obvious choices. However that was just a side dish to this week of business in L.A. I was really hoping for individual shops to carry my line. I had a bunch of appointments set up. If I succeeded it would put food on the table here and now. Jasper and I were running seriously low on cash. Money was tight at the moment. The spare cash from Jasper's dad was almost spent.

I passed through the decadent hotel lobby on my way to my appointment. This was a place that I hoped to afford one day, not the tattered room that I could hardly pay for as it was.

A blond goddess opened the door and she smiled haughtily and hardly polite. "About time," she stated. She stepped aside and let me enter.

"I brought four options for you." I said, not bothering with any chitchat when it obviously wouldn't smooth her hostile mood. I also tried to control my trepidation. I had seen her picture, googled her and studied her figure to pick out what would look the most flattering on her. But looking at the flawless creature before me, pictures really didn't do her justice. I would guess that they hardly had to retouch her photos.

"Let me see them," she said evenly. I unpacked the dresses and she watched attentively. "Hmm, I'm liking this," she mused and played her fingers over the red silk. It was the most revealing of the options and my least favorite for her, but she had personally requested it.

"How about this?" I tried to move her focus to the black lacy one. I regretted bringing the red, because Rosalie Hale was sexy as hell and so was that dress. Sexy added sexy really wasn't my style. It often made the concept ho rattle around in my head. I didn't want my design to throw off that delicate sentiment.

She hardly looked at the black, but just gave it a dismissive shrug. "I'll try this," she draped it over the back of a chair. She wiggled out of her short skirt and top. The silk slipped over curvy frame. It was as I feared. The dress just screamed HO! Rosalie smiled content and checked every angle in the mirror. "Perfect."

My tongue ran furiously over my teeth. I didn't want to offend her, but this wasn't going like I planned at all. "Uh… I really think you should try this black one on. It will be more suitable."

She turned and glared at me. "Who the fuck asked for your opinion?" Her perfectly manicured brow shot up in anger.

I had to hold back the urge to roll my eyes at her. Beauty and personality obviously didn't connect here. "Look, the dress is nice and sexy on you, though more for a nightclub. But this is much more elegant and classy, and not a run down hookers lane." I bit my tongue, waiting for her retaliation and her throwing me out of her hotel room on my ass. I glanced at her and she smirked at me.

"Fine, I'll try the black," she accepted without further ado. I gaped at her. "I hate when people let me run them over." She winked and her expression softened when turned to the mirror again. She changed dresses, and slipped into the black one like I requested. I felt a little snide on the inside, but kept it safely locked up.

"See, this is much more sophisticated and lovely. It just needs to be taken in a bit." I didn't give her a chance to complain or shoot down the dress when I had finally gotten her into it. I found my pins and started adjusting the waist and bust to her shape.

"You look lovely, Rose," a warm voice mused. I turned, slightly startled because I hadn't heard the door open or close. The box of pins slipped from my fingers and scattered, digging into the plush carpet. I gaped, staring frozen at the man. The tone of his reddish brown hair was the same as Elizabeth's and she had even inherited the color of his eyes. How much little Elizabeth resembled her father. Edward Cullen just had no idea that he had a daughter and that Bella was still heartbroken over him. Holy fucking shit! I was suddenly in the middle of chaos and wading through their shit.

I bent to pick up the needles with trembling fingers and unsteady knees. I completely avoided looking at him. I more than hated that Bella never confronted him. I loathed she couldn't see how wrong she was and that he had a right to know Elizabeth existed. She was his daughter for crying out loud.

"I'll be in the gym." He kissed Rose's cheek. "That one is a keeper. Stunning." Quickly, he moved to the bedroom, changed his clothes and was out of the hotel room within minutes.

"Gorgeous, I know." Rosalie Hale smirked pleased. "He's so perfect and mine," she drawled. I was too stunned to even speak. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked, suddenly making conversation. Though, I would rather be run over by her inner bitch right now. I started pinning the dress again. I shook my head, trying to recover my equilibrium.

"I er… I have a girlfriend." I said quietly, still feeling totally shell-shocked. Rosalie gaped at me.

"You're into girls?"

I shrugged, while working furiously to push the Edward incident back and get my mind back in order. "Not exactly," I answered belated. "I fell in love with a person, not her gender." I focused on the dress again, making the fitting perfect. "We're actually getting married in about a month."

"Congrats," she hummed focused on her own reflection, evaluating. "I think I will take this and the red," Rosalie said, staring confident at her own image. I was glad her attention wasn't on me. I smiled shaken.

"I'll make the adjustments and have it for you by tomorrow before noon."

I left the hotel room feeling rattled to the bone. How could I not know that they were dating? The fact that I could possible have a dress shown on one of L.A. multitude of runways faded in comparison to seeing Elizabeth's father. Edward 'fucking' Cullen. At my tattered hotel, I sat down on the floor at the foot of the bed and found my tools. I turned the TV on and started working. Morbidly, I was glad that I basically needed to take the entire dress apart to make the fitting. It kept my mind off Bella and what I knew needed to be done. I would be such a bitch for meddling, but how could I not?

My fingers were practically bleeding from hand stitching the dress back together. I turned the light off and nested into the moldy smelling chair with a blanket over me. The dress was done, my mind was exhausted and I missed Jasper so much that I could cry. That was the reason I chose to sleep in the chair and not the bed. I didn't want to lie down and rest without her at my side. To relax and sleep I needed to feel her body and warmth against me. When I couldn't have that I just wouldn't bother to lie down, it was fruitless even to try. God, I was so codependent.

Walking back to the hotel the next day to deliver the dress, I passed a small photo shop and inspiration hit me like a ton of bricks. At the reception, I asked for a slip of paper and a hotel envelope with their embossed logo. I wrote a short message.

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_New York._

I stuffed the note into the envelope along with a recent photo of Bella printed from my phone. I sealed the envelope and wrote Edward's name on it and left it in Rosalie Hale's inbox. Fate would just have to do its damn job now.

Rosalie was thrilled with the dress. I could see why. It was sexy, but yet understated and hugged her luscious curves nicely. Normally, I would be to the moon and back, bouncing up and down with glee, but I was eager to get out of there. I didn't want to risk running into Edward again. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my big mouth shut.

Next I was on to the line of business meetings, gatherings and other clients with requests for dresses. I didn't sell any. I was lucky to have two small stores pick up my line and place actual orders. It wasn't much, but it was a start, nonetheless.

On the last day I was left with nothing to do but make time pass. I was so ready to go home in the morning and that just couldn't happen fast enough. I was seriously exhausted and my back was killing me from pretending to sleep in that foul smelling chair. I did a little window-shopping for the most part. Money wasn't hanging on the trees these days, so that would have to do. Except, I lost a little bit of my control when I passed a lingerie store - my obsession.

I spent the last night of my L.A. trip in the same awful chair and missing Jasper's arms around me or her head resting on my chest when she slept. The burn and ache around my heart from not seeing her hadn't let up during the week. I let a few tears slip, when I flipped through some of the images I had stored on my phone of us. No one ever saw me cry, except for Jasper, because that just wasn't something that I did. Right now I just wanted to be utterly pathetic and miss my girlfriend. I couldn't wait to go home and see her beautiful smile in real life.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you liked the treat and I will be back next week with the upcoming chapter of Starting Over… well I hope so. **

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22 for your patience with all my mishaps and horrible grammar. You really have my back and I appreciate it more than you know. **

**AN:**

**A huge thanks to those of you leaving me with a comment. It is so wonderful to know what you think about my story. Also thanks to those of you adding me to your alerts.**

**Furthermore, this chapter has a 'twin'. Events below are also featured in the upcoming Epilogue from my other story FOUR WEEKS. Things may look a little different from Jasper's POV.**

**I'll leave you alone now and I hope you enjoy the chapter. It was fun to write.**

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**Chapter 22**

My phone kept vibrating, stirring relentlessly in my pocket. I poured another cup of tea for Alice and me and sat down. We were curled up in our robes in her room, with towels wrapped around our wet hair. I took a careful sip of my burning hot and sweet-smelling tea and the vibrating finally stopped. I reached my hand out and placed it on the on the table reluctantly. Alice picked up the dark red pencil and started painting my nails. I hated this stuff. "Are you sure this is necessary?" I asked in defeat.

"Necessary? No. Is it important that I get my way today? Yes," she chimed and kept applying the nail polish. I sighed knowing that I couldn't and shouldn't fight her, not today.

"Why don't you ever apply this torture to Jasper?"

"Why should I?" She asked, seeming confused by my question.

"So I could avoid this," I suggested and shrugged.

"Well, that would mean changing one thing about her and that is pointless, because she is perfect the way she is," Alice answered focused on the brush running over my nails.

"Are you telling me that I'm not perfect?" I mocked.

"Oh hun, you were never perfect, but I love you just the way you are. Besides, you were never my girlfriend, so I get to boss _you_ around!"

I laughed at her foolishness and my phone started stirring in my pocket again. I groaned and was about to reach in to get it this time. "Don't!" Alice shrieked. "Your nails are not dry yet."

I sighed deeply irritated. "That is one of the reason I don't wear this stuff, Alice. I wasn't housebroken for girly nail polish or dresses." I whined. The buzzing stopped after a while.

"My day, my choice. Those are my rules. Besides, have you ever heard about redial?"

"Whatever you say," I groaned placating her. "What is Jasper doing anyway?"

"Running, I suspect." She smiled hugely, admiring her handy work with the nail polish. "If you move an inch before this is dry, I will torture you until your last dying breath," she warned, jabbing a finger at my sticky nail polish.

"Dramatic much?" I grinned and rolled my eyes at her, as she moseyed into the bathroom. My phone insisted once more that I should pick up. I was forced to ignore it. I let a slow breath feather across the perfectly applied red color on the tips of my fingers.

"You're moving, Bella." I gaped. Alice wasn't even in the freaking room! I sat perfectly still for the next five minutes, hoping not to agitate her more. This was all for her. Alice and Jasper were getting married today. This day was so special for them, so I could suffer the boredom of watching the paint on my nails dry for a few minutes.

I picked up the phone when I was finally allowed to answer it and my heart leaped to my mouth instantly. I had four missed calls from Edward.

The past two weeks, since I had returned from Forks had been almost magical. Edward had called every night like clockwork. We had talked about everyday stuff, while telling each other about all the small insignificant details of our lives. However, it was fun listening to whatever Edward offered to tell me. We talked a lot about Elizabeth or Edward would talk endlessly on the line, so she would hear and know his voice. Edward just never called in the morning.

"Hello?" I asked immediately concerned. The hum of the hairdryer sounded from the bathroom.

"Hey. Are you ignoring my calls?" he asked puzzled.

"Not on purpose. Alice is making me," I answered childishly. Edward laughed gently. His mood had been better each day that I spoke with him. The change in his tone was unmistakable.

"Why would Alice make you ignore my calls?"

"She's forcing me to wear nail polish. I'm watching it dry," I answered morosely.

"Wow. Interesting. So is that why you're not answering your door either?"

My head went a little fuzzy at that moment. My door? "You're here?" I blurted inanely.

"Yeah, so would you mind opening?"

"Oh god, I can't. I'm not home, Edward. I'm in Northern Connecticut for the weekend. Alice and Jasper are getting married today, remember?" I knew I told him about this because the main reason that the wedding was taking place in Connecticut was they allowed same sex marriages, whereas New York didn't.

"Fuck! That was today?" Edward basically spat.

"Yep."

"I'm so sorry. I thought that was next weekend." It was silent for a while. "I think I got the dates mixed up. I'm so sorry, but I really need to see you, Bella." He sighed. Somehow, I sensed his huge disappointment over the phone.

"Come here then. Elizabeth misses her daddy." I knew he smiled because I could hear his gentle huff of breath.

"Yeah? She does?" he paused. "I actually came to see you this time…" The words lingered in the air with so much potential. He was here to see me. "I wouldn't want to intrude on their day, though," he said carefully after that.

"You're here to see me?" I breathed astonished. Was this happening? Was what I wished for so excruciatingly really happening? I didn't dare to get too attached to that thought just yet. Entrusting all that hope on my one wish for a family was so dangerous, when I knew if it didn't happen that I would be devastated. I couldn't bear that. I still needed to function for our daughter. "You wouldn't be intruding. You're Elizabeth's father and no one here would bat a lash that you came. Please don't be sad, Edward. Come here. It's a celebration and it will be fine. I promise."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Okay then. Uhm, where exactly are you?"

"I'll text you the address. The ceremony is at four, so you have five and a half hours to get your butt here." Edward laughed and I couldn't believe how much I sounded like a teenager. I couldn't even remember the last time that I felt so giddy. Perhaps, it was all the guests that arrived yesterday, the love filling the air or lastly, but most importantly, that Edward might have found it in his heart to forgive me. He did say that he really needed to see me.

"Okay. I'll figure out how to get there." He paused. "I'll see you soon, Bella."

"I'm looking forward to it, Edward." I grinned like a fool.

I barely had time to hang up before Alice came back into the room wearing nothing but a skimpy pair of panties. Sometimes, I really wished she had some inkling of shame when it came to nudity. "God! Your robe, Alice!" I groaned.

"Don't be such a priss. What was that about on the phone?" She asked, while strapping on a matching bra. I really tried not to look.

"A few details being settled," I murmured and smiled hugely.

"Oh my gosh. It's a surprise. I promise not to ruin it by snooping," she exuded like the surprise was for her and not me. I shrugged, feigning that she guessed right, yet savoring the joy for myself for a moment. I just wanted to revel in it… and perhaps be realistic enough to consider whatever Edward had to say wasn't positive. That would make me save face not to tell her now. I quickly found the address on a box of matches and sent it to Edward. His reply was short and concise.

_On my way!_

Going through the rest of the day trying to hold myself back from imagining all sorts wonderful things between Edward and me was a bit of a battle. I would find myself lost in a stupor over helping with the decorations or daydreaming like a girl with her first crush, before being pulled back to reality by Elizabeth.

Jasper's entire family was here, and in large numbers. I imagined how I would manage to have my mom and dad on the list of invites, if this was my shindig. I had met Jasper's parents a few times, but never any of her extended family. A bunch of Jasper's old friends, who were also now Alice's friends, had rallied up state to participate in the wedding. Most of them were women and gay. Some of them were quite liberal about it. I was glad that I had lived with Jasper and Alice for a while now and was desensitized to women kissing so openly. Not that I minded at all, but some might be a little thrown by the sight.

I wanted to make sure everything was in order or Alice would throw a fit. That was something that I really wanted to avoid. There was the matter of the ceremony, presents and guests. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect for them and nothing was out of order. They deserved the utmost today.

After the nail polish incident this morning, I was a bit scared to show Alice that I actually managed to chip two nails during the day. Why the hell hadn't she waited with that? Well, I was now back in her room for hair and make-up and I needed to fess up. Alice had been alone since this morning and Jasper had spent most of the day with her father and Emmett. Jasper's mother had completely hogged Elizabeth and they had been playing outside for most of the time. Elizabeth was looking like a train wreck, but nothing a bath couldn't fix. Jasper's mother was beaming with excitement over the child… someone was in dire need of some grandkids soon.

I sat down and sucked in a quiet breath, trying to relax when I handed a clean Elizabeth and her still unharmed bridesmaid's dress over to Mrs. Whitlock. It was an hour and a half until the ceremony and there was no sign of Edward yet. I tried to stay calm and not check my phone every minute. Alice plugged in the curling iron, let it heat and started to work her magic. I wasn't asked any details on hair, make-up or dress. Secretly, I was happy that she cared so much about those details when in reality, I didn't. So, it was a load off my mind. I showed her my ruined nails and she didn't even haul me over the coals. I was majorly surprised at her composed manner.

I hardly recognized myself when she was done. My hair was shiny, curly and pinned back partly, but long locks still fell down to the mid of my back. My make-up was soft, a little dark around the eyes, but actually very sexy. My lips were a subtle rosy shade and glossy. The dress that she has made was something I was comfortable in. She knew me well. She could easily have made whatever she wanted and forced me to wear it, but instead she made a simple dark blue floor length gown, with a v-neck that revealed a little hint of a cleavage, but without making me feel exposed. Compared to the normal skimpy and colorful dresses that she wore, this gown was definitely made just for me.

I glanced down quickly at the time. My breath hitched and panic started to spread. Oh jeez, what was holding up Edward?

Alice wasn't dressed yet, but luckily wearing a robe this time. Her dress was still in the garment bag mounted over the closet door. She had her hair beautifully done, her nail polish was perfect, her make-up was stunning and natural, and all that was missing was the dress.

"You ready?" I asked and held out my glass to her. We had picked up a small bottle of Champagne from the bar just to make a quiet toast before the show hit the road. Alice smiled. She was a bit quiet, but very calm.

"I've been ready since the day I met her," she said peacefully, not beaming, no chipper comeback, just undiluted honesty. We clinked glasses and I took a small sip of the bubbly.

"You both really deserve to have this day of perfection. I am so happy for you." I reached over and hugged her.

"Thank you, Bella, for being my friend and being Jasper's friend too," she said quietly.

There was a knock on the door. Jasper's mom poked her head through the opening. "Girls, it's almost time," she said kindly. "Bella, thank you so much for letting me play with your wonderful daughter. She's with Emmett right now."

"Thank you." I blushed. "Anytime, Mrs. Whitlock." She smiled compassionately in return then vanished again. "She is such a sweet and warm woman. It kind of makes me wish my mom was like that."

"Yeah, me too." Alice sighed.

"Do you wish you parents were here today?"

"In some ways, yes, but it's like Jasper's says, 'would I really want them here if they were only here with half their hearts?'" she paused. "Besides if they were here, it wouldn't even be with half their hearts. They think Jasper destroyed my life, not that she is giving it so much more meaning."

"Jasper's wise," I said soberly, not knowing what else to say. My phone started buzzing and with a quick glance at the number I sagged with relief. Edward. Finally! He left a message.

"Are you okay here? I need to take care of something," I asked Alice. She nodded.

"I'm good. I would like a moment alone actually." She smiled and I was relieved to see it because I was dying to see Edward, but I couldn't leave Alice now if she needed me here. I quickly wiggled my feet into Jasper's insanely high heels. Well, they probably weren't high to either of Alice or Jasper, but to me it was like walking on stilts. I prayed to god that I wouldn't fall today.

I was out the door, through the reception area, past the lobby and to the front entrance of the Inn in a shake of a tale. Edward was climbing out of the car with his signature simple bag. I gasped and focused on staying on my feet. He looked completely disheveled. He was clad in really cool, but worn to bits distress jeans, a simple shirt, unzipped sweater, worn down tattered sneakers, hair was in chaos and he was completely unshaved. Sure, he was heartbreaking beautiful like this, but just not for a wedding. _Oh no._

I sighed enormously when he pulled a black garment bag out of the car and slammed the door, just before it peeled out of the parking lot. I prayed desperately that it was a suit or at least dress pants and a shirt. Picking up his bag, he stopped bluntly in his tracks and stared wide eyed at me from a few yards away.

"Bella?" he mouthed. I was about to roll my eyes and crack a nervous joke, when I remembered that I was in a dress and wearing heels. Not my usual attire. So I held my tongue. "Holy shit, you look absolutely gorgeous," Edward blurted and raised his brows.

"Thank you," I mumbled and blushed like on cue. "Alice makes me clean up nicely." I shrugged trying to feign nonchalance, but I reveled in the way he looked at me. I wanted to bathe in that appraising green gaze.

"I don't even know what to say?" he smiled and stepped up close to me. His eyes raked down the dress then up to my face. He sucked in his bottom lip pensively before he spoke. "I really missed you."

My blush deepened and in deepest corner of my stomach I knew this was the talk that I had hoped for. "I missed you too," I whispered, hoping I could fight back the hot tears pooling in my eyes. "I missed you for two years." Relief let a dark veil fall from my heart, that had been shrouding it for so long.

"You're stealing my words, Bella, but I guess it's two hearts and one mind." My heart was fluttering almost out of my chest when chatter picked up behind me. I knew time was running. I just couldn't rush this moment. It was epic and not to be ruined. Edward ran his hand through his mop of hair and threw a quick glance at the people behind us. "I know I'm late. I got stuck in traffic and the driver took a wrong turn somewhere. I know we're in a rush, but I want to say this now and quick, okay? This is why I needed to see you so badly."

I nodded, biting my lip, waiting.

"I've been so mad, so confused and so heartbroken over you. I really tried to deny the way that I feel about you, but it's impossible. Seeing you again and seeing my daughter I know what I want for the future. I want to have a family, _my_ family. We had a horrible start, but I know that we can fix it. I believe we can sort out our problems and make it work. I want to make it work and not because I think I have to for Elizabeth's sake, but because I know that you are the woman that I've been in love with for two years. I can't deny it and I suffer so much when I try to. I had time to forget you, but I never did. You were always in my heart and I couldn't let anyone in because you already stole it."

My face literally broke in two with my victorious smile. I barely avoided sobbing when I cried. I couldn't even speak. A fierce happiness rolled over my skin and this was just too good to be true, but somehow it was true.

"I really want to hug you and hold you in my arms, but I haven't had a shower for two days and I stink. I also have a feeling we are late… very late. I need to clean up badly!"

I quickly checked the time on the lobby clock. Shit, we had less than twenty minutes. "Do you clean up as easily and fast as you travel?"

"We're going to have to test that theory." He smiled. He picked up his belongings and slung the garment bag over his arm. We rushed through the Inn, going back to the room, which I had arranged for him earlier. It all seemed so surreal, finally having a promise from him then having to rush insanely to celebrate someone else's happiness. I was feeling a little lightheaded. It was like everything was thrown together in one huge punchbowl mixed of happiness and I was getting a little drunk on that.

Once settled in the room that I set for him, Edward kicked his shoes off, tore his shirt over his head and started unbuttoning his pants in one swift motion, without any hesitation. He hadn't even entered the bathroom. I stared numbly, ogling him with my hand on the handle.

"Do you mind…?" He asked at the same time I mouthed.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No," we answered in unison.

Quickly, he finished undressing all the way down to his boxers and I averted my eyes. Wow, this was moving quickly. He left the door ajar to the bathroom and the water started running.

"Bella, could you grab my shaving gear? It's in the front pocket of my backpack," he yelled. I giggled. This was so new, but still so old. Being hollered at from the bathroom by your man and helping him finish. Talk about surreal. _My man_. I hummed gently, breaking into a huge smile and feeling giddy like a schoolgirl.

I scoured through his belongings and quickly found what I was looking for, along with other toiletries that he might need. In the bathroom, he held a hand out from behind the shower curtain, thanking me. All I could think he was less than a yard away and naked. We seriously needed to slow the hell down. I scampered back to the room, unpacking the garment bag, and hoping to find something wearable for him. It really was my lucky day. Inside the bag was a very elegant tux with all the right accessories. It seemed weird somehow that he would be logging this around.

"That must be damn near a record," Edward said, suddenly back in the room. He drew a hand over his now freshly shaven face. He had a towel slung low around his waist, his unruly hair was in a wet chaos. Sure, I had seen him naked before, but that was damn near two years ago. I wasn't sure he was that fit when we first met, but now he was completely toned, not an ounce of fat in sight. Warmth undeniably washed through my stomach as I drew a slow breath.

"I'll wait for you in the hallway," I mumbled, not being able to face his nakedness when he dropped that towel.

"I'll be out in five minutes."

I leaned against the wall, trying to sort everything out. This day was turning out to be rather insane. Down the hall, Emmett emerged along with Elizabeth and Mrs. Whitlock. He was wearing a dark suit that made him look twice as broad over the shoulders. Emmett was a mountain of a man.

"Ready to see some girl on girl action," Emmett laughed. His mother scowled at him.

"I'm not even going to comment on that, but I will take Elizabeth." I narrowed my eyes at Emmett, before I looked at Elizabeth. "Daddy's here to see you," I murmured. I wished she was old enough to really understand, but she babbled something unintelligible and pulled at the ruffles on her dress. She looked so pretty.

"Well, fuck me! Edward's here?" Emmett spat and his eyes widened.

I nodded and blushed, while trying not to smile like a moron. "He's getting ready now."

"I thought that he was pissed at you?"

"Not anymore… apparently," I mumbled.

"So I finally get to meet him?" Emmett's smile was almost wicked. I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing he would have no problem taunting me by teasing Edward. I had finally been able to open up and tell Emmett a little about the situation between Edward and me. He knew how I felt.

"Yes, you do. Emmett, please be nice to him. Don't screw this up for me."

"Ahh, you hurt my feelings, little Bella. I would never taunt anyone?" He goaded theatrically and made sad puppy dog eyes.

Mrs. Whitlock shook her head. "Yes you would, son," she simply said and Emmett laughed.

"Go ahead. We'll be out in two minutes." I rushed, herding them along. I didn't feel like having Emmett embarrass me yet. Today was too perfect for that. I sighed relieved when they were out of the hall. Edward emerged less than a minute later, cleaned up and looking strikingly handsome.

Without hesitation, he picked up Elizabeth with that glorious smile on his face. "How's daddy's girl?" This time she greeted him with recognition, pulling at his hair and babbling syllables. "Got a kiss for me?" Edward asked completely lost to the world around him. Elizabeth pressed a slobbery wet smooch on his cheeks, which is the standard issue kiss from a fourteen-month-old baby. Edward stroked a few of her curls. He turned to me. "So who would be at this thing? Your mom?" he asked warily.

"God no! This is a same sex marriage. I think she'd rather be on TV without her face painted on," I murmured as we rushed down the hall. This wasn't something my mom would understand or participate in voluntarily. She and Alice's parents would agree that today was an abomination. They are so ignorant. My dad had been so kind and sent a card and a gift for my roommates. I had a hard time imagining him shopping for wedding presents, but he made the effort. That was what mattered.

I pushed back my already pressing tears when we sat down with the other guests. Edward fished out a real cotton cloth handkerchief and handed it to me. I didn't even know men used those anymore. However, it was strikingly romantic. I thanked him graciously, knowing that I would need it for the ceremony.

We sat and waited to watch Jasper and Alice go through with the ritual of marriage, by exchanging their wedding vows and kissing to seal their union. Edward sat with Elizabeth on his lap and she rested her head on his shoulder. She was tired after missing her nap today. I could feel Edward's burning gaze on me. I locked eyes with him when slowly he snaked his hand under mine and threaded our fingers together.

A pulse sizzled furiously throughout my body. Like I said, this was all so surreal and very hard to wrap my head around. Together, we could fight to be a family. I closed my fingers around his palm, while giving it a small warm squeeze. I wanted nothing more than to tell him what all of this meant to me, but Alice and Jasper were in the middle of exchanging their vows and now was hardly the time to speak up. This moment belonged to two of my best friends. Alice's chiming voice was ringing over the gathering of family and friends declaring her love. I listened intently to her words.

"I admire you for teaching me who I truly am. Without you, I would still be floundering about and pretending to be someone that I am not.

"I admire you for your strength because I have never in my life witnessed anyone fight as hard as you have to reclaim what was yours after you lost it.

"I admire you for your perseverance because you refuse to let someone put you down. I cannot wait until you put Emmett in his place and leave him in the dust with your horrible ugly running shoes.

"I admire you for your ability of loving with your whole heart. To be so lucky to find someone like you, someone willing to leave her heart defenselessly in my hands is astounding. I can't believe that you dare to trust me that much.

"I admire you for the kindness in your heart. I know you can only have learned that from one place and that is from your family. I am extremely honored to consider myself a part of your family and to be shrouded by your love the day that my life takes a bad turn. You are my safety net and a gift that I do not take for granted.

"But most of all, I love you for you because you are beautiful and complete just the way you are. I love you for that."

The floodgates opened and I was an inch from bawling my eyes out. This was so beautiful. At the center of the ceremony, Jasper's father was also trying to choke back the tears threatening to wash down his face and stay composed. He had been ordained and he was marrying them.

"My beautiful Alice." Jasper started, and then hesitated briefly. "When I asked you to marry me, I said '_sometimes I fear that I will wake up from this wonderful dream, but every day I do wake up and you are right next to me with your unfaltering determination.'_ Today, I can say almost the same. '_Every day I am glad to wake up from my nightmares because I know every time that I do wake up you are right next to me with your unfaltering love.'_ People say that marriage is for better and for worse, but it isn't only marriage that is like that. Life is. You haven't been mine for a lifetime, but we have seen a little of the better and a lot of the worse. When we can stand together now having been through the worse, I am very much looking forward to be by your side for the better. You are my life. You have my heart. I know we share the same soul. I never dreamed that I would have someone as warm and loving as you and be so lucky to call you mine and to say that I am yours. No one in the world compares to you. Thank you for being beside me every day. The sun will never shine brightly enough to outshine how much I treasure you and there aren't enough words in the world to express how much I love you."

I dabbed Edward's old-fashioned hanky over my face, hoping I wasn't smudging the make-up. However, it was probably a lost cause, since I cried uncontrollably. Right in front of us, a very tender and delicate kiss was shared between Alice and Jasper sealing their union. I was slightly jealous at the level of love and devotion unfurling before us. It was miraculous.

Edward kept running his thumb over the back of my hand tenderly, like smoothing the pile of velvet fabric. It felt utterly soothing and at another time in the day that rhythmical stroking would lull me into a safe and content sleep. During the ritual, Elizabeth had fallen asleep while leaning against Edward and snuggled into the crook of his arm. Some bridesmaid she was.

After the ceremony, we congratulated Alice and Jasper and I put Elizabeth down in my room, letting her have a nap before the dinner. Back outside, Edward sat sloped in one of the garden chairs tapping his fingertips against each other, while staring over the small lake. I couldn't help, but watch him from afar. How that man was able to make my heart stop was incredible. I was still reeling from the day's event and revelations. It all felt a little like vertigo and my knees were soft and unstable. Peripherally, I noticed Emmett approaching. I was about to call his name when I realized he was steering right for Edward. He hadn't even seen me. Oh no!

"Want a beer?" he asked and held out a bottle like they were old friends. "I'm Emmett," he said unceremoniously.

"Sure, thanks," Edward said warily, glancing up at Emmett. "I know who you are." My ears were on stilts trying to eavesdrop. "Congratulations on your sister's wedding," he added politely.

Emmett nodded and sat down next to him. "Nice to see you here."

"Is it?" Edward answered. A chill crept into his voice. Emmett frowned, but took a swig of his beer instead of answering. It was silent. Awkward. "Sorry, no pun intended." Edward said lastly.

"None taken. I would be pissed off too." Emmett shrugged.

"Yeah," Edward muttered and glanced briefly at him.

"Anyway, no reason to be a pussy about what I wanted to say. I'm glad you're here. I tried to talk to Bella about telling you, but she is as stubborn as a goddamn mule. She is hard headed, irritating, overbearing and wrong most of the time, but we all love her to death. Give her a chance."

Edward stared at Emmett still with that cold hard edge. "How about you? Do you love her to death?"

Emmett chuckled. "What did Bella tell you?"

"That you were friends," Edward answered frostily. I frowned. I had told him there was nothing between Emmett and I. Not ever, but he just confirmed that he didn't believe me, like I suspected. My skin prickled with fear. I really hoped that I could trust Emmett, not to take advantage of this rather delicate situation and try to be funny. Although it may be unintended, he sometimes ended up hurting people with his brash humor.

"Don't you trust her?"

"I'm trying to."

"My advice. Trust that pigheaded girl. It is you that she loves to death. Not me. It was never like that."

Edward sighed, and then smiled staring at the ground. "Good to know."

"Anyway… I got a couple of lesbians that I need to go annoy the hell out of." He laughed loudly. "Alice is so easy to rile up! It's fun," Emmett drawled. He stood, held out the beer bottle, clinked it with Edward's and took a long drag before he strode off.

"Hey Emmett…" Edward paused mid-sentence, while glancing at him. "Thanks for taking care of my girls."

"Anytime, bro," he called over his shoulder. He smiled deviously, while passing me. "Eavesdropper," he scolded me and pinched my arm. That was going to leave a bruise.

"Seriously, Emmett. Pigheaded?" I grumbled quite surprised, because he didn't sell my soul to the devil. However, he had done quite the opposite. Secretly, I felt eternally indebted to whatever made that happen.

"What? I could have told him how much you fancy my hot body and my boyish charm. Now, I didn't do that. I think I let you off easy and you should be grateful." He smiled pompously. He was such a smug idiot.

"You arrogant bastard," I mumbled and Emmett roared with laughter.

Edward instantly looked over his shoulder, spotting us. Nervously, I walked towards him. "Hi."

"Hey, you." He smiled softly. The sun was shining down from a clear blue sky, but it was early spring and still a bit chilly.

"Can I sit?"

"Of course," he answered. I sat down next to him. I took a deep breath and reached for his hand. Slowly, I let our fingers twine together again. His skin was warm and soft. "You heard all that?" He asked suspiciously. I nodded. "I want to trust you, Bella."

"Give it some time, Edward," I answered quietly. It was the first slow and sane moment that we had together since he arrived at the wedding. "You know that I never got to tell you how happy it makes me that you want us to work things out. I am so thankful, happy and overwhelmed that this is happening. I dreamed about having you in my life for so long. Now that you're here, I can hardly believe it." I was about to start snorting again, but I was prepared and fished out the wrinkled hanky once more. This was a day full of so many joyful tears, both for Alice and Jasper and perhaps also for Edward and me.

He tugged on my hand and pulled me closer. He smiled generously and pulled once more, when I obviously didn't move close enough. I stood and carefully sat down on his lap. Edward wrapped one arm around my waist pulling me to him. He took the cloth back and started wiping it under my eyes gingerly. "You might need a light touch up on your make-up," he said gently. He stroked the pad of his thumb over my cheekbone after cleaning my face. "This time we're doing it right, Bella. No secrets, no running. I might not trust you completely yet, but I didn't trust that you could handle my secrets two years ago. So with all our flaws, I think we both own a part of what happened and how we went wrong. Let's just not dwell on it anymore. It will be different this time, okay? Like I said. No secrets, no running."

I leaned closer, leaning my forehead against his, and rejoicing this long lost connection between us. "I will never run from you and I promise that I will earn your trust."

"Okay," he whispered. I closed my eyes knowing that our lips would meet. When they did, it was so soft and delicate. The kiss was perfectly balanced with warmth and love. His mouth on mine left me with no doubt that Edward, wanted this for him, for our daughter and for me. He honestly wanted us to share everything and he would put his entire heart into it and so would I. I would die before I ever hurt him again.

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**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Promises, promises… how will this work out? Only time can tell. I hope to see a comment or two.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22, I humbly thank you for all your help. **

**AN:**

**Thank you to those of you who commented and added me to your alerts. **

**As promised, here is a continuation of the wedding… have fun.**

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**Chapter 23**

"You look so beautiful, Alice." I said, when she had ordered me into the seat in front of the mirror. Her dress was short, fitted, but so her and extraordinary in detail. I hadn't seen it until she was at the altar.

"Thank you." She frowned looking at my face. "Seriously, Bella. You're wasting and ruining my hard work with all the crying." She picked up the pencil, trying to salvage my make-up. I leaned my head back and let her save what she could.

"Blame yourself. Your vows were striking, while hitting my tear canal without mercy."

She snickered. "I had a few issues myself." Not even Alice had been able to avoid shedding a few tears during the ceremony.

"So how does it feel to be married?"

"I'll tell you about it after our first fight." She ran the brush over the dark pad of the eye shadow. I closed my eyes.

"Alice, you and Jasper never fight," I said when I felt the soft hairs skate over my eyelid.

"Then it feels fucking fantastic," she beamed. My mouth popped open, Alice hardly ever swore and only if she was really pissed off. "Like nothing else in the world. I love her so much."

"I know you do."

"Speaking of love, what the hell is Edward Cullen doing at my wedding?" She stopped applying color. I opened my eyes again.

"He's, uh, here to see me." She pulled back and eyed me with an impatient glare. "He came to tell me how he feels. He wants us to work things out. He wants us to be together." Water rimmed my eyes and I blinked hard to force them back.

"Oh no you don't, Bella. I just fixed your make-up, so stop bawling your eyes out." She complained haughtily. Her expression softened. "So it worked." She smiled pleased and started to fix her own ruined mascara.

I laughed. "Yeah. Whatever you did in L.A., Alice, thank you," I said quietly. We hadn't really discussed what she did, but I knew she was far from innocent in bringing Edward into my life again. I didn't want to bring up the subject because we often ended up fighting over it.

The night moved on and my chest felt like it was going to explode. I never knew one place, one small little Inn in Connecticut, could hold so much love. It wasn't just because I had gotten the answer I wanted from Edward and I could hold his hand while saying the things that I wanted to him, but it was also from watching Alice and Jasper. Today more than ever, you could literally see the love loom around them all the time. It was like an enclosing capsule. It was their smiles, their laughs, their gentle touches and soft kisses. It was like magic was prevailing on everyone here. Friends and family were so happy and having a wonderful time. People were talking, laughing and dancing. It was staggering to feel all this love soak the air.

"What is it with those two?" Edward asked and bobbed his head in the direction of Alice and Jasper on the edge of the dance floor. "What is that thing you can sense about them?"

"You see it too?" I asked and he nodded slowly. I smiled. "I have no name for it, but I think it's their love that is literally tangible in the air."

"Was it always like that between them?"

"Always. Well, not completely like that. Things were bad for Jasper for a while, but she is pushing through it. You wouldn't believe that the girl you see today and the girl that she was a little less than a year ago is the same one."

"So the first time I met her, she isn't like that normally? You know, with the screaming," he asked. I clearly remembered Jasper's initial reaction to Edward. He had scared her.

"No, not at all. She's a very gently and understanding person. Just be a little careful around her, like not making sudden noises, slamming doors or standing too close to her. She doesn't like that. You'll do fine."

"I'll remember that. What happened to her exactly?"

I sighed and bit my lip. I knew my friend and what she wouldn't like. "Besides what I already told you, I can't tell you anymore. I think Jasper should talk you about it if she feels like it someday."

Edward smiled warmly and kissed the back of my palm gently. "I don't think I can doubt your loyalty much longer. However, I feel guilty that I didn't have time to get them anything."

I ran my thumb over his bottom lip, feeling the warmth of his mouth. It sizzled in my stomach. "Don't worry about it, they would never expect anything," I breezed.

Emmett suddenly poked his head in between ours. "So if you two lovebirds are done watching the show, I think I am going to have some fun!" I concentrated on Alice and Jasper again and discovered that they were kissing… really, really kissing. Edward and I were just staring at it for some odd reason. I groaned.

"Emmett, leave them alone," I ordered, knowing it was fruitless.

"No can do. Edward, watch how easy it is to ruffle little Alice's feathers." Emmett bounced past us, having no shame interrupting the happy couple kissing. The scowl on Alice face wasn't concealed nor was Jasper's obvious irritation.

"Is he always that cheerful?" Edward asked and laughed melodically.

"Basically yes. Just to give you a head start, take everything that Emmett says with a grain of salt. He never really means any harm, but he's got a big mouth and it gets him into trouble sometimes."

"Good to know." We both laughed when Emmett had a squealing and protesting Alice hauled over his shoulder and dragging her out onto the middle of the dance floor.

Elizabeth, who for once wasn't attached to Mrs. Whitlock by the hip, was standing at the outskirts of the dance floor, swinging her arms and bouncing lightly to the music. After her nap, she was happy and grinning all over her sweet little face. "If you'll excuse me, I think that I will have a dance with my girl," Edward said and leaned close to me. Gently, I brushed my fingers down his cheek and took the liberty of stealing a small, but soft kiss. I could really get used to this.

Tonight, it all felt so right. I watched Edward dance with Elizabeth and her face lighting up as she wiggled and trotted around looking so happy. Tears once more pooled at the corner of my eyes. I don't think I ever cried this much or felt this happy. However, I didn't have time to dwell on it when Elizabeth suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs with her face pressed against the floor. Instantly, I reacted and was ready to take her in my arms when I was at Edward's side. He looked at me gently. "I got this, Bella." He refused and turned to Elizabeth. "You're okay, sweetheart. Daddy's got you." He mused and wiped the falling tears. Her face was still distorted from crying when she put her snot-covered face to Edward's tux and rubbed her face on his shoulder. That was going to stain, but Edward didn't seem to care the least bit when he shushed her and got her to calm down. "It's was only a small accident," he whispered and laid his cheek to her head. My breath was completely taken away by the sight of them cuddling. Wow, just wow.

oooooOOOOooooo

"You've danced with practically everyone here, except me." Edward put his hands on my shoulders and whispered in my ear. "I might get jealous soon," he mouthed playfully. That was true. I had never danced this much in my life, and I wasn't much of a dancer. I was too clumsy for that.

I twined my fingers into his that were splayed over my skin. He wrapped his hand around my waist leading us to the back of the dance floor, where it was almost completely dark. "Do you get jealous?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not usually, but I think I was a little jealous of Emmett."

"Edward, there really is no reason to be."

"I know that now," he answered softly. His movements were smooth on the dance floor. We swayed slowly to the music, just being absorbed in each other's eyes. "But it didn't take long to see that he really is just your friend."

I tightened my arms around his waist. His body felt warm, but incredibly firm to the touch. "It was always just you," I whispered. His answering smile was heart-stoppingly gorgeous and almost victorious. "How come you were dragging this tux around?"

"I have a thing on Tuesday night in New York. It has a strict dress code. I wanted to surprise you this morning. That's why I didn't tell you that I was coming."

"Your surprise worked. Even if all stars were aligned in the sky, I would never have imagined a day as perfect as this," I said, losing myself in the depth of his gaze.

"Perfect, huh?" He leaned down, gently and loving pressed his lips to mine. The taste of his mouth was sweet and his breath was soft when it feathered over my face. He pulled back too soon. "Was that perfect too?"

"It was sublime," I answered all breathy, with heat toying in my body.

Edward pulled me closer. I snuggled my face into his chest and let myself drown in his scent and the truth of this moment. This time right now was ours. No one could steal it from us. "I can't believe how good it feels to forgive you," he whispered above my head.

I pulled back stunned and gaped up at him. My throat closed immediately, but I managed to say a few words that crawled up my throat. "You forgive me?" I mouthed.

Stroking his fingers over the back of my dress, he didn't speak for a while and just let himself get lost in the moment between us. "I forgot to tell you that didn't I?" I nodded moronically. He leaned his forehead to mine. "I forgive you, Isabella Marie Swan." Gently, he kissed my cheeks free of more tears and then covered my mouth with his. This time we kissed deeply. Our lips parted, welcoming tongues to caress and cherish intensely. My body was on fire and I couldn't stop it. There really was no excuse to be kissing this deeply and openly in front the other guests, but I didn't care. Edward broke the connection, like I knew he would.

His breath was slightly ragged, before he let out a long slow breath. "We really should take this slow, Bella." It was almost like he was admonishing me, but his eyes were alive and gleaming.

"I know we should. I just got a little carried away."

"You're not the only one," he whispered conspiratorially in my ear. He hugged me closer, dipped his head to my shoulder and inhaled. "You smell incredible."

I smiled. "So do you. Now anyway. Why hadn't you showered for two days?" I joked, remembering his unkempt look when he arrived.

"Mostly I was on planes, junkets, and other sorts of crap. It was awfully busy. When I finally realized what I wanted to do and say, I couldn't get to you fast enough. It was all that mattered."

"And it makes me so happy," I gushed.

"Me too." He brushed his lips to mine again, in the softest of kisses.

The music ended and I saddened that this spell was broken. Emmett was lurking not far away checking this watch and giving me the evil eyes. I stared up at Edward. How long had we been dancing? "Will you excuse me? I need to do something with Emmett."

"What?" he asked.

"A present for Alice and Jasper. I'll hurry back."

"You better." He smiled. I stepped to my toes and kissed him this time.

Emmett put the huge box of candles down on the floor. "I think you may have gone a little overboard." I pointed to the load of accessories for decorating Alice and Jasper's room.

"Only the best works for me. Besides, chicks normally take care of this stuff, so I was a little out of my element. I didn't know what exactly to get, so I kind of just went for it all." He shrugged.

"I'd say," I rolled my eyes and picked up the first of candles.

"So, Bella. How are things going with Edward? You two looked nice and cozy." He wiggled his brows, basically looking like a jock without a sober thought on his mind.

"It felt nice and cozy." I grinned, placing more candles around the room. Emmett started lighting them.

"Just remember to keep the bumping, groaning and moaning noises to a minimum later. I'd like a good night's sleep. That reminds me. I put Elizabeth to sleep in my room fifteen minutes ago."

I flushed furiously and my cheeks burned. "Emmett," I wheezed. He just shrugged. Wow, this was embarrassing. It was probably because the irrational part of my body was dancing around that fire of desire. I felt so warm inside, almost so much that it ached.

"Oh, you are so easy Bella. You practically do my job for me. Cute blush, by the way."

"Just get your mind out of the gutter," _and I will try to as well_, I amended in my head. "Edward has his own room. You didn't need to tuck Elizabeth in with you."

"Who are you kidding, Bella? Yes, I did. Seriously, do you even remember what a guy looks like naked? …Or what the word fellatio means? You are so getting laid tonight. I will bet my ass." I turned away from him immediately, hiding my scarlet face while I grumbled under my breath. Emmett laughed loudly, content that his badgering me was working. Finally, he shut up and I was sure the color of my face had drained enough for me to avoid further taunting. He paused, his face shifted and he stopped lighting candles. "Do you think that they…" he threw a glance around the room.

"Did I not just tell you to clean up that dirty mind of yours? Besides, I hardly see how that is any of your business." I practically spat at him. I shook my head and lowered the Champagne into the cooler. Would he just let the topic go!

"I was actually serious this time," he said almost shyly.

"Oh, sorry, it's hard to tell sometimes." I frowned. These sober moments with him were so rare.

"That's okay. I know." He flashed a small dimpled smile. "I mean, do you think a person would ever be able to recover enough to be that open enough to be with someone again? I mean, we both saw what that fucking bastard did to my sister and the way she ruined herself over it."

"I think it might be possible to put it behind you, but I don't think everyone could recover." I set the glasses on the table.

"I am not talking as a testosterone pumped guy here, but I hope so for them. I really don't mean to be insensitive, but I think it is important to be, uh, physical with the person you love. When I find the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life, and don't give me grief about this later, but I would want to cherish her that way," he said gently.

A shudder ran over my skin and my eyes all but popped out of their sockets. This conversation was a little intense. "Oh, I think you cherish plenty of women, Emmett."

"Don't Bella. I'm being serious," he castigated.

"Oh, so you don't like to be teased," I said too sweetly.

He groaned. "Touché."

"Emmett, I don't want to dish any details, but I know they're closer again. I see them kissing often. The energy is also different between them. It's sort of moving back to how they used to be before Jasper's attack."

Emmett grinned warmly. "Yeah, I think we both know those two weren't lazy prior to… er..."

"No, they weren't," I conceded quietly. It was a long time since I witnessed it, but I knew how physically close they had been in the beginning. I had lived through it.

"No matter how things are now, they should still have this." He glanced around the room at all the lit candles and the romantic and intimate setting.

"I agree. They should." I started picking up the wrappings and empty box of candles and we left the room.

I had a few glasses of wine, now that Elizabeth was sleeping and apparently in Emmett's care. Edward wasn't really happy that Emmett never asked me to take her and just did. I guessed he felt a little left out. We needed to talk to Emmett about that later, but right now, I didn't want the grief. He only tried to help.

My head was feeling a little light, delirious, and perhaps even woozy. I wasn't sure if it was the wine, the love or in general trying to hold back from kissing Edward. I was having serious problems with the latter. His mouth was so warm, giving and persuasive whenever it was on mine, which was often. We danced a lot more to the up-tempo music, where I was basically being swung around like a rag doll and laughing so hard my stomach hurt.

Around us, people's eyes were losing focus, their voices getting loud and a few were downright drunk. It was late into the night, but no one apart from the youngest guests had gone to bed. I glanced around for Alice, but found neither her nor Jasper were anywhere in sight. When did they vanish? I smiled. I was glad they had.

"Come on, Bella." Edward's hand at my waist pulled me towards the dance floor again. A new happy tune was playing.

"I can't." I tried to say more, but I was so out of breath. I was literally panting. "I need a break… and some air." I added when a fresh breeze from the open door swept into the banquet. I was sweaty and the wind felt inviting and cooling. I entwined my fingers into Edward's pulling him behind me.

I leaned against the wall outside, filling my heated lungs with the chilly air. Oh, it felt good. I took a swig of the wine that I had brought with me. Edward helped himself to the rest of the fruity drops and left the glass on a nearby table.

His cheeks were warm and eyes radiant glancing down at me. "You are so beautiful."

"Thank you," I answered as my breath was finally slowing. "You're not so bad yourself."

He drew his hands up and down my arms, protecting my skin from the cool evening. "Don't get cold. I don't want you to get sick."

"I won't get sick. I got you to keep my warm." I tilted my head upward, inviting him to envelop my mouth with his. He didn't hesitate for a second. I slung my arms around his neck, worshipping his mouth with perhaps a little too much vigor. This delirious feeling was addictive.

Strange sounds emanated from just around the corner and our mouths parted immediately. "You heard that right?" Edward whispered. I nodded feeling strangely alert at the noises.

"I hope it isn't one of Jasper's young cousins, who have had too much to drink," I said.

Slowly, Edward moved away, throwing a quick glance around the corner. His mouth popped open and his eyes widened. "Oh… Oh wow."

"What is it?" I moved beside him and took a peek for myself. Oh that. I pulled back and drew Edward after me. We really shouldn't bother them right now. Not in that state.

"Who the hell was that? They were girls," he blurted stunned.

I laughed at his shocked expression. "Of course they were. Edward, you're at a lesbian wedding, so it's kind what you could expect."

"I just never ever saw girls making out like that. Do you know them?" he grinned boyishly.

"Not really. I think one of them is Maria, an old friend of Jasper's, but I am not sure who the other one is. I only met her today and I can't remember her name."

"Maybe someone should let them know that they could catch a cold like that?" Edward said, laughing and wrapped his arms around me. "We should go inside again. Want something to drink?" I shook my head no. The heat inside was suddenly heavy and drowsing. "Dance with me," he asked quietly.

I nodded, followed him into the shelter of the music and leaned into his chest. It felt like home. The music was unhurried now. We swayed slowly, while my body was starting to feel heavy. "You're basically falling asleep in my arms, Bella." I smiled groggily into his chest. "You should go to bed. Get some rest," he offered.

I nodded slowly, wondering how I went from laughing to basically sleeping sanding up in the blink of the eye. The number of guests had faded a little, but I didn't bother to say goodnight to anyone. I just left with my hand locked in with Edward's.

We stood in the hall, staring deeply into each other's eyes. We were just outside my door. "How badly do you want to sleep in the room farther down the hall?"

"Not at all," he whispered longingly. I stepped to my toes and kissed him.

"Then get your stuff…" I turned the handle and opened the door to my room. "And come join me."

"Slow, Bella." He reminded me. "I know very well the effect you have on me."

"We'll just sleep. I don't want to be alone either. Get your stuff," I pushed.

Quickly, I brushed my teeth and had a drink of water. I stared at my reflection. My eyes were bright with excitement. They mirrored exactly how I felt. Back in my room, Edward had left his stuff next to mine. He was pulling out of his tux and unbuttoning his shirt. I started taking my hair down, but I didn't get very far until Edward took over. "Let me do that," he said and started digging for the bobby pins Alice had secured it with earlier. His fingers brushed my neck as the curls fell down over my back. His nails scraped gently over my scalp, massaging. "I think I got them all now," he murmured. I hummed in response as goose bumps rose on my flesh. He stopped touching me and fished something out of his bag. "I'll just use the bathroom."

I shrugged out of the dress and pulled out my sleepwear. I changed quickly, feeling a little stab of disappointment that he hadn't actually tried to kiss me. I sat down on the bed and waited, unsure what to do with myself. Edward re-emerged wearing pajama bottoms and no shirt. His skin was pale and incredible smooth, stretched over muscles rippling down over his chest and stomach. Heat unfurled deeply in my stomach again. Oh no.

"Do you want me to put a shirt on?" he smiled, calling me out on basically devouring him with my eyes. "Or I can just take the one you're wearing as that seems to be mine as well. Seriously, how many of my old shirts do you have?"

I closed my eyes and groaned embarrassed. "Just the two you've seen." I pulled the sheets back and climbed in. Edward followed, smiling, and nestling around me. I felt so safe and having him this close felt incredible. I glanced up at him, taking in his radiant face. "Night, Edward."

"Night Bella. I had a really good time today," he whispered.

"Me too. Thank you." I mouthed, feeling a deep a gratitude for this glorious day. The emotion ran hot and furious through my veins. I stretched and pressed my lips to his mouth for a goodnight kiss.

I never meant for it to happen, but I couldn't let go. I cupped my hand around his face and we just kept kissing, parting our lips to each other and just lost ourselves to the kiss. The warmth of his body next to mine only fueled this unstoppable hunger flooding through my body. Edward drew over me, pinning me down on the bed, while the kiss just exploded between us. Soon, hands were searching, touching and caressing, though we promised each other to take this slow. Limbs grinded lustfully as our lips danced. I felt so wanting and so full of need, like I never thought possible. His hands were moving under my shirt, while searching and stopping to knead my breast. I moaned when his hand loved my skin with his expert touch. I struggled to sit up without letting our mouths part for longer than it took for us to get my shirt off.

I didn't think. I didn't stop want to ponder whether this was the right thing to do. I just wanted to feel. I needed to feel. Leaving my lips, I curled my fingers into his thick hair, when Edward kissed and caressed my body vigorously. I remembered very well how talented he was with his mouth and every single muscle in my belly clenched hard. He didn't move further south, but disappointingly trailed north again. With his mouth once more cherishing mine, I gave up thinking about anything in the world and just surrendered my body to feeling this intense and primal connection with him.

"We really shouldn't be doing this, Bella," Edward croaked suddenly with his mouth working against mine. His breathing was labored, just like mine.

"I know." I moaned helplessly and raked my fingers down his bare back. "But I want to. So badly." I pressed down on his lower back, arching my hips against him and pressing our bodies closer together.

"Me too," he groaned. His hand snaked down my side, letting it slip into my pajama pants and panties while feeling my backside. He ground himself to me, against me, while rotating creating a friction at the junction of my thighs that I excruciatingly longed for. My arousal was spinning higher and higher and out of control. "I want you so much. I can't stand it." He breathed desperately into my mouth. His words caused an insistent tingle to run over my skin, raising all the tiny hairs on my body.

"Do that again," I whimpered somewhere in between a pleased grunt and a murmur. My breathing was ragged and unstable when he rubbed his hard ridge against my burning spot once more. It was like I wanted to shed my skin, bare my soul and to fill this desperation that I had for him. It ached all over my body and I knew exactly what I needed to make this inconceivable and provoking stirring stop. "Please, Edward." I lifted my hips from the bed, hoping that he wouldn't deny me.

His untamed and wild eyes threw a smoldering glace at me. "Yeah?" Air from his mouth feathered over my face in short gushes. His breathing matched mine, making his chest rise and fall hard.

"Yeah." I answered his barely articulated question. "I need it." Somehow, I knew we both understood my want.

"You don't have to explain," he said warmly, completely understanding the desperation that even I didn't comprehend. Splayed naked underneath him a split second later, I used my hands to feel his body as he started an enthusiastic and warm path down my chest, to my ribs and stomach. He kissed, cherished, nibbled and suckled my skin until I was left with a flaming need of relief. He paused suddenly, staring at my stomach with a look full of wonder. Cautiously, he brushed his fingers down one side of my belly. "You didn't have these the last time that we made love." He met my eyes. "Are these from when you were pregnant?" He asked quietly. I nodded. I had only a few stretch marks running down the sides of my stomach. He smiled tenderly and slowly made a point of kissing those rather unattractive streaks on my body, before he moved to the apex of my thighs. _Oh my…_

I could hardly contain my own feelings when Edward gave my aching body and me exactly what I needed. His mouth was searing hot, while his tongue was like cinder that consumed whatever it touched. I arched, almost violently when an incredible and shattering climax slammed into me. Edward pressed my hips into the mattress, holding me down, and not letting me up from his scorching and unimaginably overpowering assault on my core. I coiled my hands hard into his hair, while letting go, floating with pleasure and just receiving whatever he offered.

As I was resurfacing from my euphoria, I found him hovering above me with a smug smile on his face. "I don't think that I will ever tire of hearing you sound so sweet," he said. I bit my lip, knowing that I had surely thrown a pair of unflattering profanities into the air. I didn't respond. I just pulled him down to me, kissing him and devoured his wicked mouth.

His skin was damp against mine. Our legs were seeking a place to belong by snaking and grinding like branches growing and twirling into each other. A slow smoldering fire resonating from Edward kept guzzling my skin. I was still ablaze feeling his naked erection pressing against me. I wasn't sated yet, nor was he.

I whined longingly when he pulled away from me and reached down from the bed dragging his bag closer. I tilted my head back, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing all of a sudden. He moved over me again, kissing my collarbone sweetly. Lacing our fingers together, I felt sharp corners dig into my palm. "We better be careful this time," he said, before he started kissing my neck hungrily.

I unfolded my hand and stared at the small foil package. I blushed furiously, knowing that I should have remembered this. I should have learned my lesson from the first time that we were together, especially now that we knew what could happen from forgetting a condom. "Good thinking," I answered, hoping to mask my own lack of attention. Pushing him off me, I quickly tore the wrapper, hoping I knew how to do this, even though I hardly ever had tried it before. With slightly shaky hands, I touched Edward, enjoying his sighs of pleasure when rolled the condom over him. This wasn't really how I wanted to feel him, but I had no choice. It was either this or nothing and I knew for sure that I needed the rest of my ache dulled or I would lose my mind.

Lying back down, his hand at my hip kept me in place. I squirmed wantonly against him, while inviting him to claim me. His soft mouth covered mine and our tongues merged wet and supple, twisting around each other with no end. I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling ready and waiting for him. Slowly, oh so torturously slowly, he sank into me. My breath fluttered when I moaned. My sounds were drowning in his pleased groans while we were merged this intimately. My mind shut down. I just gave into the rhythmic magnificent filling sensation and firm thrusting that finally satisfied my ache.

Sweat beaded on my skin and mixed with Edward's as we made love. My breathing was shallow and interrupted by moans of pure pleasure. Edward was gritting his teeth above me, looking just as lost to the sensation as I felt. A tingle crawled up my spine promising a climax just at the horizon. My muscles locked the same time as Edward's breath tensed and together we lost contact with this world and escaped into another realm of bliss.

I lay satiated and sweating, while running my fingers over Edward's damp back. His breathing was slowly calming and a low sated humming reverberated in his chest. He dipped his head into the cook of my neck. "I missed you," he whispered.

"I love you." I said out loud. There would be no secrets between us anymore. I wanted him to have every cell of my body and for him to know all corners of my heart and mind. I wasn't going to hold back anything from him.

"I love you, too, Bella." He reciprocated when he pulled back. He brushed damp locks of hair from my forehead. "So very much." The air around us felt so light.

"While trying to piece _us_ back together, it's nice to know that this still works." I smirked and raked my nails gently up his back. He shuddered with pleasure. "This time, the bed even survived."

He grinned. "This one is solid oak, not much I can do about that." He kissed the tip of my nose. "It was very, VERY, nice, though, not how I pictured the evening ending."

"Disappointed?" I pouted theatrically, knowing taking things slow between us had just been tossed far out the window. Right now, I didn't care. I felt rejuvenated and alive.

"Never," he laughed that calming melodic sound. "I am not regretting at all, but please just know that I never planned for this to happen so soon," he said quietly.

"It's okay, neither did I," I grinned feeling incredibly light hearted. It was like I was floating on the biggest pink and soft cloud that there ever was.

"I'll get cleaned up," he said, after a delicate and sacred moment of silence between us. He started to pull back gently, breaking our precious connection. I groaned displeasingly and closed my eyes. I felt almost lonely with him gone from my body. "Oh, for fucks sake," he grunted suddenly.

I opened my eyes to see him sitting on his knees between my parted legs with his face all scrunched up. "What's wrong?

"The condom broke."

oooooOOOOooooo

**Yeah… okay so, let me know what you think.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22, I humbly thank you for all your help. **

**AN:**

**Thank you to those of you who commented and added me to your alerts. **

**Well after that small mishap last chapter, what will happen next? Getting back together may be great in theory, but probably not as easy as anticipated.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 24**

The deafening silence between us just stretched and stretched and stretched. The euphoria that I had just experienced washed away faster than water rushing through a broken dam. I stared up at Edward and he stared right back. "Uhm, not much we can do about it now," I said carefully.

"I guess you're right," he murmured. Slowly, he climbed from the bed and vanished into the bathroom. I listened to the water running. What had I gotten myself into now? I knew that I was completely and totally irresponsible having sex with Edward this soon, but it almost felt like I was being punished for it. I let my hair down once and boom! Consequences! I was an adult for crying out loud. Didn't I get to have a break and some fun just once in a while? "I'm really sorry," Edward said quietly, once he was back in the room. He sat down next to me with eyes like deep green and incredibly soft moss.

"Please don't be sorry. It's not exactly your fault." I stroked his cheek softly. He reciprocated my touch by kissing my palm sweetly.

"Guess we need a trip past the drug store tomorrow?" he asked. I read between the lines. I wasn't on the pill or anything else and he was checking. I needed the morning after pill.

"I guess we do," I agreed, supplying an answer to his unasked question. "I'll be a minute." I said and scuttled off the bed, needing to use the bathroom myself.

Back in my room, he quickly welcomed me into the shelter of his arms and I went willingly. I curled up next to Edward, who was already snuggled into bed. My heart felt a little heavy all of a sudden. I was exhausted. Neither of us had bothered to put clothes back on. I just soaked myself in his embrace, while letting him cocoon me and leaving no space between our bodies. How much I needed to be held like this and it was like he knew it. "We should get some sleep." He stretched marginally, glancing at the alarm clock. "It's after four in the morning."

I chuckled. "Breakfast is at nine."

Edward hummed. "That is such a nice sound."

"What? Four hours of sleep? Yeah, that is a good night's rest," I drawled. Edward poked me slightly in the ribs and I scurried closer to him to avoid his prodding finger. It tickled. "I'll set the alarm."

The irritating buzzing almost made me want to murder someone. It was nerve grating, earsplitting and persistent. I was so far from ready to get up. My head was pounding furiously. What was that?

"I really wish I could wake up like this every morning," Edward mused in a thick voice. I was still fiercely cushioned in his arms. I was so warm.

"To an annoying alarm and a killer headache? Not really my idea of a glorious morning," I grumbled, trying to figure out how the hell to silence the damn thing. Untangling from me, Edward propped to his elbow, leaned his head into his hand and his morning creased face fell instantly. "Sorry, I didn't mean that I don't like waking up with you." I leaned in and kissed his warm chest. "That part I wouldn't mind repeating. Again and again and again." I kissed his skin once more. "… and again." He finally laughed gently, while his mouth stretched into a charming grin. He rolled over, squishing me into the mattress with his weight while reaching for the adamant and loud alarm. He fiddled with the buttons, grumbling while I was struggling to breathe.

"Seriously… where's the off button on this damn thing."

"Can't… breathe…" Finally, he yanked at the cord, pulling the plug out and silencing it for good.

"Sorry, you okay?"

"Yeah," I croaked when air rushed into my lungs, revitalizing and energizing me. "I'm fine…" We had something important to tend to today. Unfortunately. Edward just nodded. "Are you coming back to the city with us today?" I asked, seriously reeling in my hope that he didn't have to be off somewhere today. He appeared to have a bit of an insane schedule and I really wanted to spend some more time with him.

"Of course, I am." He narrowed his eyes at me, darkness unfurling in his eyes again. Hurt. "I kind of thought that was a given."

I leaned over and kissed him. Behind that often confident exterior, I realized there was a very vulnerable soul. He was emotionally exposed. "Of course it is, but I thought you might have stuff to do."

"I do, I have plans Tuesday night and then I need to leave Wednesday morning," he said. I smiled gleefully up at him. He chuckled. "Yeah, I see your point."

"Where are you going this time?"

"Basically across Europe for a junket. Bella…" he mouthed seriously, toying with a few strands of my hair. "I told you that I wanted to take some time off and take care of Elizabeth during the day. I want to do that. However, my job is kind of like throwing a stone in a lake. The rings take quite some time to die out. I have to finish what I start, but it will ebb soon and we can spend more time together. I am really sorry if I made promises that I can't keep right now."

"It's okay, Edward. I understand. We will make this work. Don't stress out about it." I paused. "Did you sign on to any of the projects that I read?"

He shook his head and for some reason, I couldn't help beaming up at him. He nuzzled me and completely encased me in his arms and legs. "You really are too good to be true."

"Hardly," I muttered and glanced at the time.

"Please don't think so little of yourself, Bella. I can't stand when you look down on whom you are. You're much better than that." I just rolled my eyes at him.

"We really should get up. Breakfast is in half an hour." I wasn't really comfortable with all the compliments.

"I wish that we could stay here a little longer." He lowered his head into the crook of my neck, kissing it gently. Oh, this was so cozy and I felt so content.

"You want to shower first?" I changed the subject, knowing I was hardly able to control myself around him. Last night proved how much I needed to learn that particular skill.

"I was kind of hoping that I could join you. I'll behave. I promise." He released me and held his hands up, while trying to make a joke.

"I think it's me that needs to learn how to behave," I muttered guiltily.

"Bella, please don't do this to yourself. You told me last night that it wasn't my fault. Now I am telling you that it isn't yours either. The condom broke, and that's all there is to it. We'll go to the drug store later today and that's it. No blame, no guilt," Edward said and skated his fingers over my face.

"Okay," I conceded reluctantly. I had been so strung out that I hadn't thought about the future or consequences at all. I had just acted thoughtlessly on the need screaming throughout my body. Being intimate really shouldn't have happened so fast.

"Now, can we please just enjoy the morning and the next few days? That is what I would like to do, well, besides having a shower… preferable not alone." He smirked at me.

Climbing over me, he strutted out of bed, held a hand out and dragged me up. A strong sense of vertigo hit and my vision clouded with darkness when I was on my feet. My vision swam from the instant pain. "Aw…" I whimpered. I palmed my head, trying to say upright.

"Hung over?" Edward asked and chuckled.

"Perhaps. It's not a feeling that I know every well. I think I'm a pretty cheap drunk," I said as the headache slowly subsided. I blinked forcefully to stop the nauseating spinning. "I only had four glasses of wine… I think."

Edward raised his brows. "If you don't drink at all, then four glasses of wine would make anybody a bit woozy."

"I'll remember that," I mumbled, feeling like my head was twice the size than it had been when we went to bed. Maybe that was the problem for my loss of control. I had been so uninhibited, perhaps because I was inebriated or just downright drunk. That would explain a few things. I trotted behind Edward, following him into the bathroom. The warm wash of water was relaxing my strained head.

"You look so different compared to two years ago," he said gently, lathering up the soap in my hair. I pouted up at him. "What? You do." He continued to run his fingers through my sudsy hair making weird patterns with the long strands.

"You can't possibly remember that?" I said and he shrugged, clearly not giving up. I remembered unmistakably how I looked back then. I was scrawny and basically emaciated. I hardly looked like that anymore. "In that case, I must look a bit big boned to you now." I frowned looking down my body. Sure, I was more curvy, but still on the slender side, I figured. I hadn't felt ashamed before. It felt so natural to be with him. Surprisingly, my nakedness didn't face me at all.

"Don't say that." He paused and brought the showerhead down and started rinsing my hair. "You look exactly how a woman is supposed to look. Healthy, feminine and soft." With his index finger was placed under my chin, he forced my head back and kissed me softly, while with his expert fingers he was rinsing the rest of the soap from my hair. "You look very beautiful, Bella. You did then and you do now."

A smile warmed my face, and I blushed. He was so sincere and lovable. I pinched the skin at his stomach. "You don't look exactly the same either. Have you been spending some time in the gym?" I teased.

"That I have." He sighed. "It wasn't for me, though. I don't really care about what I look like. I basically just deliver what the studio expects of me. I had to buff up this time, so I did." He shrugged. I traced my palms laid flat on his stomach up to his chest.

"We have so much to learn about each other," I said and stretched to my toes hoping to receive another kiss. He leaned down humming. We kissed slowly.

"I agree," he mumbled into my mouth. "So it's okay for you to remember me, but not the other way around?" He grinned, boyishly. I dramatically rolled my eyes at him and coiled my arms around his firm waist.

I had thrown my hair into a messy knot, when we were horribly late for breakfast. The shower had stolen the time from us, but I enjoyed this special and precious moment alone with him. I didn't want it to be rushed. We quickly dressed in a far more casual attire today. Jeans and t-shirts. I was comfortable in that.

Now it was time for the next obstacle of the day. This was a bit tricky and I knew I would fail miserably. Facing Emmett. I hardly saw his shadow before I flushed furiously. I hadn't forgotten his prediction yesterday. Boy had he been right.

Everyone else was already gathered and Elizabeth was gnawing on a bread roll. She bounced in her seat when she saw us, waving her roll excitedly. "Morning, sweetheart," I mused, avoiding Emmett's invasive peer. "Did you sleep well?" I asked and kissed her cheek.

"She slept just fine, Bella. May I ask how you slept?" Emmett asked boorishly. He chewed slowly watching my every twitch. Oh no. My face exploded in a deep blush that I had no chance in hell of hiding. Emmett stared at Edward, whose face was unreadable and gave nothing away. I didn't answer Emmett. Edward greeted Elizabeth with a lot of affection and huge smiles.

"Morning Alice, Jasper," I said quietly and chose a seat next to Alice. She tried to hide her smile. Oh no, she knew too. For a brief moment, I met Alice's eyes. Hints of dark shadows graced her face, but her eyes were bright and alight, just like mine when I looked in the mirror this morning. Oh!

"Morning, Bella." Alice and Jasper answered, but continued with their breakfast. The conversation picked up around the table again. I hoped my blush was fading. Edward greeted everyone and headed for the buffet. I started with a cup of tea, still feeling the consequences of the wine. My stomach was churning.

I glanced over my shoulder and spotted that we weren't the only ones late for breakfast. A couple of Jasper's friends had just emerged. One of the women was hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses, followed by her girlfriend. A brunette. I bit my lip trying not to laugh and glanced sideways at Edward, who was also fighting to stay composed. It was the couple that we had spotted outside yesterday. Oh, dear.

Edward sat down next to me and dug into his food. The blond with the sunglasses sat down opposite Edward leaning her head tiredly into her hand. Maria, whose name I just remembered, went to the buffet. "Want me to get you something, Sweetie?" Maria asked with a hand on gently on the blond woman's shoulder. The blond shook her head very carefully.

"Those combustible drinks getting the better of you, Lucy?" Jasper asked and snickered. She was chatting with another friend of hers, Nettie. I had seen her around the apartment.

Lucy? Oh right, that was her name. The girl responded with a low groan. "That too and my throat is killing me," she answered while her voice shot off-key. She tried to clear her throat. "I think that I'm coming down with something."

I covered my mouth to stop the tea from flying across the table, as I was about to choke on it. Under the table, I felt Edward's hand tightened around my thigh. "It was a bit chilly outside yesterday. Perhaps, it's the season." Edward answered completely polite without a hint of amusement. He gave nothing away, but only offered a kind and sympathetic comment – well on the surface. Somehow, I had a feeling Emmett and Edward would get along just fine.

I started coughing and spluttering when the tea flew out my nose. Everyone stared at me. I wished that I could be a blank slate like Edward. "Sorry," I croaked and left the table going to the buffet. Only here, I was faced with Maria. Seriously, what was with this place and all the sex? Perhaps, it was the country air that had everyone becoming a bit uninhibited?

Back at the table, I started to eat carefully, while my stomach was protesting a bit. Edward was right. I was a bit hung over. He continued with his food and ignored a few stares from around the table. People were figuring out who he was, I guess. That was something that I needed to get used to. I pretended not to notice, just like Edward did and started chatting with Alice and followed the general conversation. The mood was light and cheerful. I was so happy to be part of it and ignore what Edward and I needed to do later today.

"Don't tell me that I don't remember," Edward said suddenly, when we were back in my room. He held out his tattered journal, with the pages spread open. I took it and stared at the sketching. The drawings might as well have been copied from the pictures that I took of us back then. I flipped through the pages and at least twenty sketches of us adorned a part of the journal. He had drawn me over and over again.

"Do you have a photographic memory?" I asked puzzled. This was incredible. The details of the beach, cliffs and things that we had done together when we met, were all there. Even things happening where my memory was a bit murky.

"No. I don't. But I am very visual and I see images instead of occurrences. That is how I remember details, Bella. That is how I can sketch."

I closed the journal, not wanting to prod anymore. This was his personal sanctuary and I wasn't about to invade anymore of it, but I was a bit flabbergasted. "That is incredible," I said and held it out to him.

"Thank you." He leaned down and kissed me gently. "We should finish packing up." He turned to Elizabeth and stopped her from digging through his bag and pulling everything out again. "Oh no, sweetie, that's daddy's," he said and strapped it closed. He arranged his tux in the garment bag and I started loading toiletries and brushing my teeth. Elizabeth was stumbling around the room, quietly babbling to herself. She was so chatty.

Edward took the bags out to the rented minivan and came back to get Elizabeth and me. I loved this sense of normalcy and wished it could last forever. When we exited through the back terrace, I threw a last glance over the quiet lake. Not long ago, we had said goodbye to Jasper's family and we were the last to leave the Inn. I noticed Alice sitting on the bench just at the water's edge with her legs crushed to her chest. "Give me a moment, Edward," I asked quietly. He nodded and bent down to kiss me. Would I ever get used to that? He continued to the car with Elizabeth on his arm.

I half-ran down to Alice. She quickly cleaned her face when she spotted me, wiping the evidence that she was crying. It broke my heart. Alice shouldn't be crying on the beautiful sunny morning. "You okay?" I asked and sat down beside her.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" She answered in her usual chipper voice.

I frowned at her. Her eyes were slightly rimmed with tears, which she was clearly trying to ignore and basically pretend didn't exist. "You don't fool me," I said quietly. I never really saw Alice cry before. Not even when things were really bad with Jasper. "What happened? You looked so happy at breakfast."

She sighed, clearly giving up the tough façade. A few small pools of moisture rolled from her eyes again. "It's just a little overwhelming. I'm being silly that's all." She smiled. It was like a nervous twitch for her.

"I'm sure it's not silly. Why don't you tell me about it?"

She snorted. "I don't even know how to explain it. It's because I am happy and scared at the same time." She hesitated. "Last night… it was the first time Jasper and I…" she shrugged, probably not wanting to finish the sentence. She wiped her face with the back of her hand in the most unladylike fashion. She snorted again. She had never been verbal, when it came to that private side of her life. She was strangely quiet, timid and on edge about making me uncomfortable like that. It was a complete opposite to so many other aspects of her personality.

"Made love?" I prompted. Alice nodded hesitantly. "You can say those words to me, you know. Talking about stuff like this is no different than if you had boyfriend… or husband. Just say what is on your mind, Alice."

She grinned through more pressing tears. "Okay. It was so incredible to be with her again and now, I just so afraid of losing it. Not that it's the sex that matters. It's more that she is doing so well now that I know it all has to end someday. I can't stop expecting the day it all comes crashing down around us again. So having a day and night like yesterday where everything was so perfect, getting married and making love with her was so wonderful that it is abundantly clear that I can lose it all again in a flick of a wrist." She sobbed.

"You won't lose her, Alice."

"No one can be sure. No one expected her to get raped, but she was. No one expected her to starve herself or cut her skin, but she did. No one expected her depression to reach that depth, but it did. I think we all missed the mark completely, because she is normally so strong and level headed. Who says that tomorrow she won't get hit by a truck crossing the street and it's over for good? Can you promise me that won't happen?" she ranted.

"No, I can't, Alice. No one can. But that's life and there are no assurances like that." I paused and took her hand, gently squeezing it. "You can't keep thinking like that. You will miss out on life if you do."

"I know," she shrugged.

"You are just a bit overwhelmed, huh?" I asked. I was happy that she opened up to me. She never really did that. Not when she was hurting.

"Yeah, I told you so. I'm just being silly."

I drew a slow breath. "You are not being silly. You're in love."

"Yeah. Thanks for listening," she answered. Her voice was all muddled with tears.

"Anytime."

The graveled path behind us was stirred by footsteps. "We're all ready to go." Jasper said softly. Alice quickly wiped her face with her sleeves. I looked behind us to see Jasper's gentle eyes on Alice. Placidly, she ran her fingertips against the column of Alice's throat. She leaned into her touch, closing her eyes. "Let's go home, baby," Jasper said and bent down to kiss her hair. Alice reached her hand to her shoulder linking her fingers into Jasper's. In the morning sun, their wedding rings cast illuminant reflections. It looked so beautiful.

I sat in the back of the minivan with Edward. Elizabeth was strapped in her seat next to us. I watched the people silently. Emmett was the designated driver and Nettie sat next to him chatting like there was no tomorrow.

Just in front of me, Alice cuddled up to Jasper as much as her seatbelt would allow. The looks they shared were so full of love and magical. Fingers were softly running through hair, gentle kisses were shared and longing looks exchanged. Something really had changed between them. It was clear as day, even if Alice hadn't confided in me earlier. It blossomed in my stomach. I was so happy for them. It didn't take long for them both to fall asleep with fingers locked together and languid looks on their faces. Lucy was still hidden behind her dark shades and Maria was reading. Every once in a while, Maria would lift her hand joined with Lucy's and kiss the back of her palm absentmindedly.

I peaked up at Edward and he pulled me closer like he read my joy. I leaned in, while resting my head against his chest. I was exhausted. Elizabeth was already sleeping, lulled off by the rhythmical noises of the car. I let myself drift off to a peaceful sleep.

The scent of home hit hard. I was glad to be back to familiar surroundings. Edward took our bags to my room, and then rummaged the fridge for anything edible. There wasn't much to find. I knew one of us needed to go shopping, in a big way.

I called Angela to hear how the weekend had gone by. As always, there was not a thing was out of place when I left my store in her very capable hands. I hoped when Christmas came around that I would be able to pay her a big bonus. She had earned it!

Elizabeth was groggy and the weekend had taken a bite out of her normally chipper mood. She was cranky as hell. Edward did his best to keep her happy and smiling, but there wasn't much to be done to make time pass and then get her to bed early. She's slept most of the car ride, but another nap would throw off her entire schedule. So now she was whimpering continually.

Jasper and Alice settled on the couch and started watching an afternoon movie. They were all tangled up in a mess of arms and legs. It was good to see. They didn't get a chance to be alone for long. Elizabeth sauntered over and kept whining while standing in front of the screen until Jasper finally surrendered, picked her up, and let her nuzzle in between them. She was such a cuddly baby. Edward and I both tried to get Elizabeth to leave them alone and get her to settle with us, but Alice and Jasper refused by saying it was okay. We sat down on the other couch watching whatever they did, but I couldn't focus on it.

"Perhaps now was a good time to… er…" he leaned in and whispered in my ear. I nodded, knowing it couldn't be postponed forever. Sure the pharmacy was open twenty four seven, but I needed to take care of a few minor details - the sooner the better. "Dinner's on me. Any requests?" he asked throwing our cover out into the room.

Alice tipped hear head back and glanced at Edward ecstatically. "Something disgustingly unhealthy." She glanced down at Jasper, laying over her, with Elizabeth wedged in between them. Alice twirled her finger around a few locks of Jasper's blond hair. "You, sweetheart?"

"I vote for the same. I'm not running until Tuesday. I have some time to digest." She laughed softly.

"Disgustingly unhealthy it is." Edward concluded.

I moseyed to the hall stepping over Alice and Jasper's bags that they hadn't bothered to move. Edward pulled on a hoodie and lowered a baseball cap over his head. "You're coming?" I asked confused.

He nodded. "We'll just be careful, okay. I don't want you going alone," he said in a clipping tone. I had a feeling there was no arguing with him. I was too tired to bother protesting anyway. I peeled an almost sleeping Elizabeth from between Jasper and Alice, giving them some space. She could use the fresh air. She whined and protested getting dressed and placed in the stroller.

We passed a diner that had a promise of delivering exactly what Alice wanted. We ordered the food and continued to the drugstore. I was hardly able to talk loud enough when ordering the morning after pill. It felt like a huge violation of my privacy. I wasn't comfortable declaring that I had completely irresponsible and unprotected sex. The sales assistant glared at me. Her thoughts weren't hard to imagine. She was the true rendition of consequences for my irrational behavior. I felt like screaming at her that I didn't exactly plan this. With my red cheeks, I found Edward and Elizabeth at the exit and we went back to diner, only stopping to load up on sugar and ice cream at the all night market. I was surprised no one looked closely at Edward at all. Perhaps this wasn't going to be so bad after all?

After getting back home, Edward put Elizabeth to bed. She had dozed off in the stroller. We opted that it was better to let her sleep than wake her up again. I grumbled a bit hoping that I didn't need to get up at four in the morning when Elizabeth couldn't sleep anymore.

"Good grief. You deliver, Edward." Alice beamed at the sight of the food. We sat down at the table and started digging into the Styrofoam containers. My stomach snarled, finally recovered from this morning's hang over.

"Anything to please the ladies, my pleasure," he said almost shyly. My face heated. The words please and pleasure and coming from his mouth had wicked written all over it. Alice pinned me with a shrewd glance.

"So are you going on a honeymoon?" he asked, his eyes flickering between Jasper and Alice.

"No," Jasper answered. "It's not really convenient right now," she said cuttingly. Alice narrowed her eyes at her. Jasper seemed quite cold towards Edward. I was sure she didn't mean to be.

"It's okay." Jasper and Alice's eyes met and Alice stroked her hand soothingly. "Don't be anxious."

Jasper nodded slowly. "Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean to be rude." She bit her cheek for a moment then seemed to relax marginally. "Maybe we'll go next year. I just got back to work and I don't want to ask for time off right now," she said, while volunteering information when she didn't really have to.

"That's a shame," Edward said kindly. "Is it a new job?"

"Uh, no," Jasper answered slowly and then looked at me. Her aqua eyes were slightly surprised. She returned to Edward. "No. I just took a leave of absence for six months. Because… because of what happened last year." Her voice lowered considerably. I imagined this was probably the first time that she had a conversation with a man that she didn't know. I hardly told Edward anything, but the hard facts about Jasper.

"I see." Edward cleared his throat. "You mentioned that you run?" Edward continued gently, while pushing the conversation along without trampling over her since she was clearly a little out of comfort zone. I was about to melt into my seat with his effort. Jasper was not easy to approach.

"Yeah. I'm going to try for the New York Marathon in November." She cracked a small smile.

"Wow. That's a bit of an accomplishment. So how are you going with that?"

"Uhm. I managed twenty-three miles so far, so I'm close to completing the distance. I still have six months to train, so I think I will fend pretty well."

"About that, baby…" Alice cut in. "When Emmett loses the bet, can I decide what his punishment will be?" she gloated wickedly.

"Bet?" Edward prompted.

"Yeah, Emmett bet Jasper that she couldn't do it." Alice threw in before she enthusiastically turned to Jasper again. "So can I baby, please? Pretty please?" She folded her hands into praying style in front of her and batted her lashes lavishly at Jasper. We all started laughing.

"What do you have in mind?" Jasper asked cautiously, while spearing a French fry.

"Oh, I imagine it has something to do with ladies wear… hmm, perhaps even a thong."

"Stop, please. I don't even want to know." Jasper cut her off, slipping her fork across her throat. "Whatever you want. I just don't want to know." She frowned. "At least, I don't think so."

Alice beamed and was unstoppable for the rest of dinner. She chatted endlessly and Jasper relaxed some.

oooooOOOOooooo

The newlyweds went to bed early. I sauntered into the bathroom where I had hidden the bag from the drug store. I was about to pop the pill in my mouth, but my hand was suddenly frozen. I could do nothing, but stare at the little white orb. It felt like a grenade set to explode once inside my body.

I sat down on the lip of the tub and let indecision tamper with my mind. Could I really do this? Suddenly, I was torn between what I knew was rational and what my body was instinctively telling me. Every cell of me was screaming, NO! I suddenly realized that I hadn't thought this through at all. I had just gone with what seemed right and not made an independent decision for myself.

Without a sob or a whimper, tears wet my cheeks. I knew what I should do, but also what I wanted to do. The stress of the entire situation was weighing me down until I was so far under water that I was lost in darkness.

"Bella?" Edward called softly when he knocked on the door.

"Yeah," I managed to wheeze through my dry throat.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," I answered automatically.

"You sure? You've been in there forever. Can I come in?"

I nodded like Edward could see me. "Uhm, yes." I answered belated. How much time had passed?

"Why are you crying?" He asked. He looked distraught, when he spotted me. He glanced down at my raised hand where the pill was placed.

"I can't take this," I muttered and more tears washed down my face. I snorted loudly, all of a sudden.

"I see," Edward whispered. He was so hard to read when he made that stone cold face.

"I know it is irrational and irresponsible and I need my head examined. We have so much to figure out between us, but I can't help thinking about Elizabeth. I love her so much. I cannot imagine my life without her. What if I had done something like this back then, I wouldn't have her," I ranted.

"Shhhh…" Edward hushed me, when my sobs got louder and uncontrollable. He sat down next to me. "First of all, don't hide away and cry. Let me see it," he said quietly. "Second of all…" he took the pill from my hand and tossed it into the toilet. It made tiny plunk noise. "I would never force you to do anything that you do not want to do."

"But it's negligent," I croaked, knowing I should have taken the damn thing and not thought about it.

"Yes, it is." He paused and the silence seemed endless. "We will deal with whatever happens… together. We're adults and we will figure it out."

"My period was sixteen days ago."

"I said we will deal with it when we have to." He grasped me behind my neck and pushed my face against his throat. He smelled like heaven and love. "I'm so sorry if I pushed you. I believe strongly that a woman has a right to choose."

"Pro-choice, huh?" I laughed weakly. "You don't need to apologize. I just didn't think about until now."

Gently he kissed my temple and took my hand. "Let's go to bed, sweetheart."

Quietly, we both quietly changed into our nightwear and rolled into bed. Elizabeth was sleeping soundly all tangled in her sheets. My head was swimming with the thought of my own stupidity and what was going through Edward's mind. "Bella?" he asked quietly. He had rolled to his side, facing me when we lay down. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do." I answered confused.

"I don't think that you do. If you did, you wouldn't hide away in the bathroom crying by yourself. If you trusted that I am here for you, you would let me see your tears and trust that I am still here when we make irresponsible decisions," he said quietly.

"I'm just not used to it," I fended off.

"Could you try to get used to it?" he said quietly. He rolled to his back with a heavy sigh, not looking at me anymore.

He wasn't right? I did trust him. I just couldn't figure out how to blurt out that I was deranged and not wanted to take the damn pill, so I could more likely avoid getting pregnant again. That wasn't about trust… or was it?

"What the fuck is that?" He whispered and his eyes narrowed, squinting through the dim light cast off by Elizabeth's nightlight.

I cringed. Oh no. I didn't dare look at my ceiling. The humiliating poster was staring down at Edward. I'd completely forgotten to take it down.

oooooOOOOooooo

**A personal AN for this chapter. Chapters, I suspect, will start to slow down from now on. Reason why – Friday the 6****th**** of May I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy, so yeah, RL will probably start to kick my ass soon. I hope you will stay with the story and for when it ends.**

**Thanks for reading. **

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Thank you to Dazzled eyes22, I am so happy I have your mad skills and guidance as help. Thanks for always reminding to be better. **

**AN:**

**First of all I want to say sorry to those of you who commented and I didn't reply to this time, but it doesn't mean that I appreciate them any less. Thank you for taking your time to voice your opinion and/or add me to your alerts. I hope you will enjoy this next chapter. **

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 25**

I clamped my hand over Edward's mouth because he kept laughing at the stupid poster stuck to my ceiling. He just didn't stop, but it was still such a wonderful and melodic sound. My cheeks were so hot and furiously red that you could fry an egg on them. I burrowed my face in my pillow, while trying to get him to quiet down. This was mortifying.

"I didn't put it there," I mumbled into my pillowcase.

"What was that?" he mouthed in between chuckles. I guessed he was doing his best not to wake up Elizabeth. She was snoring lightly next to us in her crib.

"I didn't put it there." I eased my face from the pillow and glanced sideways at him. "Alice and Jasper did. I… I just couldn't bring myself to take it down. So I kind of forgot that it was there."

He snaked his arm under my neck and pulled me to him. However, he was still laughing gently. Edward's eyes were widely amused and incredibly soft, when he smiled this unreserved. "You look beautiful, when you flush like that."

"I'll take it down tomorrow," I wheezed through my humiliation.

"Not on my account. Leave it." He finally quieted down and the room went silent for a while. I could hear Edward's stable heartbeat mixed in with the rhythmical breathing from Elizabeth. It was soothing.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" My face was searing red again and Edward stared back at me puzzled. I hoped the vague nightlight hid some of the color on my face.

"Sure."

I propped to my elbow, hovering just inches from his face. "Er… do you always carry condoms around?" My voice was barely audible.

Edward cupped my cheek. "Do you want to have _that_ conversation now?" He asked softly. I nodded knowing what _that_ meant - past relationships. Who, when and how long?

"Would you tell me?"

He nodded. "Yeah. There isn't actually that much to tell, so the conversation will be short," he said sympathetically. My mouth popped open. I waited. "No, I don't usually carry condoms around. I had a meltdown when I decided to come here and actually got some. I had no motive or plans, but it seemed appropriate, just in case. What good that did us." He smiled, but it was only a weak twitch of his mouth.

"Are you mad that I didn't take the pill?" I bit my lip hard, almost breaking the skin. It had been my decision and not his.

"No. I guess things would be less complicated if you had, but I understand why you didn't. I respect your choice not to take it."

I pulled in a heavy breath of relief and decided to take the conversation in another direction. I really didn't want to dwell too much on the pill that was flushed down the toilet. "So… how short will the conversation be?" I prompted, dying to know what his life had been like while we were apart. I lithely ran my fingers over the sheet, feeling the treads when I grew nervous.

"Uh… I had a one-night stand about six months after you took off. It's definitely not one of my proudest moments, but I did it. I was drunk out of my mind, pissed off, and frustrated. I'm actually the asshole who doesn't even remember her name," he said quietly. A dark shadow crept over his face. It was silent for a long time. The wheels in my head were turning furiously. Something was missing.

"That's it?" I asked confused. I pondered and put the pieces together. He started nodding. That captured my attention like a whiplash. "You had a girlfriend?" I paused. "Rosalie?"

Edward let out a strange little huff. "I did. I just never had sex with her, though," he answered slowly and placed his hands behind his head when he rolled to his back.

I stared flabbergasted. "You said you were with her for six months, and that…" I searched for words, but he cut me off.

"It just never happened between us," Edward said gently.

"Wow…"

"Yeah. I told you that I had my doubts about how I felt about her. That was one of the reasons that I had doubts. I. Just. Couldn't. Do. It," he enunciated.

I just gaped at Edward. Someone as gorgeous as Rosalie couldn't strap Edward down and get him into bed, whereas I had pulled off that maneuver twice now. How did I manage it? I don't know, but fact was that I had. That was simply baffling. "So it wasn't because she didn't want to?" I couldn't stop rudely prodding into his personal life, but passing on juicy details like this was like declining a free gourmet meal. Not happening.

"Oh, Jesus, no. It wasn't because of her lack of effort that it didn't happen. It just felt wrong somehow. I am not saying this to be mean because I have no reason to be. I just need you to understand. I cannot say no to you, but I could never make myself say yes to her." He paused. "To you, it may seem like I am casual about sex, but in all honesty I'm not." Edward turned to his side and leaned his head in his hand. "Now, it's your turn."

"Well that's an even shorter story. There hasn't been anyone."

"Why not?"

"First, I was a bit preoccupied with being pregnant and putting my life back together. Then, I became a mother. After that, I bought the bookstore and I didn't need anything else in life. Well, one thing was missing, but besides that, Jasper and Alice were always here. Emmett and I became friends immediately and I was happy with that. I wasn't searching for anything or anyone else. On top of all of that, Elizabeth was the new love of my life."

"So what was missing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I smirked at him.

"Just tell me, please," he whispered. The same darkness from this morning unfurled in his eyes.

"You were missing, Edward." A beautiful smile lingered on his face "I love you."

He leaned over and kissed me softly. It was a gentle and loving brush of his lips. "I love you too."

I nuzzled closer, laying my head on his chest. We snuggled into each other's arms. I savored the kiss he placed on my hair. "Stay put," he said suddenly and untangled himself from me. He got out of bed and leaned over Elizabeth's crib. He picked her up gently, while holding her to his chest as he picked up her pacifiers and covers. Carefully, he climbed into bed again and settled her on his chest. Elizabeth didn't make a sound. She was still out cold. He tried to pat down her chaotic hair to keep it from tickling his face. "Come back, baby." He motioned with his hand and I snuck up to him again, carefully finding the position that I had been in before. Elizabeth was inches away from me and I wondered if this felt the same as going to heaven. I figured this had to be better.

"You're going to spoil her rotten, aren't you?" I whispered.

"Every chance I get."

oooooOOOOooooo

I woke with a slight and odd smelling breeze feathering across my face repeatedly. I eased one eye open to find the source of the strange odor. Oh, morning breath. I rubbed my face before taking in the vision of Edward and Elizabeth that were just in front of my face. They were so beautiful laying both on their sides. Edward had Elizabeth loosely caged in his arms with her back pressed to his chest. There was no telling where her hair ended and his started. It was the exact same color. They looked so serene, without a care in the world as they slept.

I glanced at my alarm. It would go off in about five minutes. So instead of waking them up, I gently got out of bed and found a clean set of clothes and headed for a shower. I washed quickly and got ready for work. Wiping the damp mirror and stared at my face. My eyes were still bright and excited, just as yesterday morning. It wasn't the sex shining through. It was my happiness.

I scanned the fridge for anything edible and came up with the same result as yesterday. Nothing. I fished the marker from the windowsill and wrote on the fridge, following our routine as usual.

Dinner: Bella.

Shopping: Bella.

With Edward here, I had plenty of time to get that done and it would give Jasper and Alice some time to themselves. Both were in their room chatting and about ready to go back to work without some time off to enjoy each other. I wished there was something to be done about that.

I finished throwing my hair into a long braid and headed back to my room. Edward was awake now, but Elizabeth was still zonked out. He laid still just looking at her and running his fingers through her hair. His eyes were full of adoration. "Morning," I whispered. He smiled gently, peering up at me.

"Hey. You're leaving?" His face scrunched up.

"Work," I said and frowned, knowing I couldn't possibly play hooky no matter how much I wanted to. I had a business to take care of and I'd taken the entire weekend off. "You looked so sweet, so I didn't want to wake either of you. I'll be back around five. You two have fun and call me if you need anything, okay?" I wanted them to have some time alone together today, preferably undisturbed by a hovering and meddling mother. A day with Elizabeth was just what Edward needed. Since his time was so limited with her, he should have full advantage of this time with her. I didn't want to crowd him.

"Okay," he whispered and Elizabeth stirred.

"Oh, and I am taking your tux to the dry cleaners." He mouthed a short 'thanks' as I headed out the door.

The day at the store flew by fast. The morning was busy. I had no time to ponder a rocky decision that I made last night or to have a sit down. I was dead on my feet until Angela arrived to take over at the counter. I could then run through the supplies that had yet to be unpacked. I plopped tiredly down in my office chair getting ready to look at the numbers. I prayed to god they wouldn't be headed south. Sure, business was good, but it could always be better. This was my livelihood and a big part of my life. It needed to be nurtured to survive, just as all other living things.

"If you think any harder, your hair will catch fire." The loving and gentle voice startled me out of my reverie. Oh, how I loved that soothing tone.

"Hey, Edward," I mused and eased back in my chair. I stole a moment just to look at him and ponder how the hell I got someone like him to love me. Love me… wow! Looking at his smile and his eyes and how he took me in, I could see that he really did love me, just like I loved him.

"I came by to see if I could help you or something. Elizabeth and I were getting bored sitting inside all cooped up in the apartment." He picked her up from the stroller. "Didn't we, sweetheart?" He cooed at her and she grinned.

"So what did you do?"

"Well, we took a walk to the park. I was a novelty between the nannies gathering there. Not a lot of testosterone above the age of three around that place. I was lucky to escape intact."

I laughed. "I thought you couldn't do that sort of stuff?" I asked puzzled.

"Yeah well, I got sick of the idea of putting my life on hold because someone might recognize my face. So to hell with it… sort of. Jenks is on speed dial should something happen and he is not far away."

I chewed my lip. Edward being a little blatant about the whole safety thing didn't comfort me. This was not good for him and definitely not for Elizabeth. "What is not far away?"

He leaned over my desk and kissed me on my cheek. "If I said my shadow, would that be close enough for you?" He grinned at my hardly concealed concern. "Black suit at the entrance is Jenks' cousin or something. I'm not entirely sure that he speaks, but his name is Felix."

I sighed with relief and eyed the tall tank-like man that I saw lurking. He had an eye as sharp as a samurai sword. I nodded, while telling myself that I could trust Edward. I just had to learn to do it by instinct. He would never let any harm come to Elizabeth. "Did anything else interesting happen?"

"Emmett," he answered simply and his face became a blank slate.

"Oh, no." I closed my eyes, refusing that topic. What had he done now? "Don't buy into anything he says. If you do, please divide whatever he says it with his social security number first. Then that might come close to the truth."

Edward laughed. "Give the guy some credit. I think he's pretty cool and a loud mouth for sure, but he really doesn't mean any harm."

"He usually doesn't." I shrugged.

"So about what I came here for. It said on the fridge that you were supposed to do the shopping. I can get that for you."

"Oh Edward, you don't have to."

He came around the desk and leaned over me. "Let me help, Bella," he whispered and kissed my forehead. "Remember, you're not alone."

"I really don't deserve to have you." I murmured, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with all his kindness. I wasn't used to this.

"None of that please. Now, hand over the shopping list and we will see you at five. Mr. Muscle at the door is looking antsy, besides it might take me a while to figure out how to do grocery shopping. It's pretty much a first for me."

"One question, Edward. Are you real?" He frowned, but looked amused at my question. "Or am I going to wake up with bruises on my arm from pinching myself awake?"

He hummed and fingered my chin with his thumb and forefinger. His mouth was gentle and giving when it met mine. He smoothly coaxed his way to a deeper kiss and I was left breathless instantly. He pulled back. "Real enough for you, baby?"

"Real," I murmured. I fished the shopping list out of my jeans pocket and handed it over.

oooooOOOOooooo

The chicken was minding its own business in the oven and I could hear Edward from the bathroom and water splashing everywhere. He was giving Elizabeth a bath. I wondered how he found all the trivial daily stuff with Elizabeth so overtly exciting. Not to sound mean, but he was kind of like a dog with a new bone. He wanted to keep it all to himself. However, in the back of my mind I figured out the _why_ of this whole situation and why he embraced it all with such open arms. He was alone in the world. He'd lost his family, but now he had one and he would fight to his last dying breath to protect it. Perhaps that was even _why _he had said nothing about my choice not to take the pill last night. Maybe, if I did get pregnant, it wasn't a bad thing for him. Sure, our reunion hardly had its first heartbeat, but Edward knew who he was and he would handle life in his own calm and perceptive way.

I couldn't help let my hand flee to my stomach. I figured the odds were about fifty percent.

"Hey, Bella."

Hi. Where's Alice?" I asked spotting Jasper, who just came home.

"Working late. Just us tonight," she said and leaned against the counter. She fell still and listened to Edward laughing in the bathroom. Her face clouded with anxiety, though she tried to hide it. "I'll be in my room," she said quietly. I sighed knowing that run and duck maneuver too well. She had pulled it off with Emmett for a while when things were really bad with her. It was because of Edward's presence.

I knocked on the door when Jasper failed to emerge for dinner after the third call. It wasn't like her. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," she answered warily.

"Dinner is ready."

"Uhm…. I'm not hungry," she answered wringing her fingers like she was strangling small snakes.

"Is that the real reason?" I asked, hoping that I wasn't being too blunt by calling her out. Jasper didn't answer. "Edward understands," I said carefully. Jasper's gentle and ocean colored eyes lingered on me for a while. She wasn't comfortable without Alice here that was obvious. "I know it is hard for you with him here, but won't you even try to have dinner with us?" I asked. She still didn't say anything. "Look, come out and have some dinner with us. If it gets to be too much, you can just bring your plate with you and eat in here. I really wish you would have something to eat."

"Okay," she mouthed, the sound was barely audible. I felt a pang of pride for her. It would be so much easier for her just to refuse and be hard headed, but she made an effort and that was worth a lot. For so long, she tried not to let the attack get to her, but sometimes she just needed a little push in the right direction. Usually, it was Alice who nudged her, but today I took the liberty to do it hoping it would be okay for her. Jasper was quiet throughout the meal, but she was present and that's what mattered.

Edward glanced at the screen on his phone and let out a heavy breath. I untangled myself from where we were lying on the couch when I felt the tension run through Edward's body like a freight train. I knew drama was headed my way. I just knew it.

"Rose," Edward said quietly when he answered. He threw a small glance at me and headed for the kitchen like that would make me unable to overhear his conversation. No such luck. The apartment was hardly a mansion.

"Yeah, I am still going." He paused and listened. "Rose, I really don't want to get into this now." I was hanging onto the edge of the couch, pretending not to listen to what was being said in the kitchen. "Yes, I'm at Bella's." My heart stopped dead in its tracks. "Look, Rosalie. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I promised that I would, so can we not make a big deal out of it?" I leaned over, catching a fleeting glimpse of Edward pinching the bridge of his nose. "Tomorrow, Rose. Goodnight." He hung up and spotted me watching him. He smiled wryly. Trouble.

I trotted into the kitchen where Edward eyed me hesitantly. "You got something you want to fess up to?" I asked, while my stomach knotted itself around my intestines.

"I might." He paused, but didn't continue. My mind just raced ahead with lunatic ideas about how things might not be over between them. No matter what he said yesterday. He was vulnerable just as much as me. We were both so easy to hurt. I understood that with clarity as bright as the sun. I really had left my heart open up to him. His silence was like a fire alarm ready to be cranked. "Stop chewing that lip, like you missed lunch. It's not what you think." He brushed his fingers across my cheekbone, letting the pads linger on my lower lip. I let it go from the grip of my teeth, but I was still holding my breath. "The charity thing that I am going to tomorrow, I promised Rose that I would still go with her."

"Like a date?" I felt like someone dropped a boulder in the pit of my stomach. It crashed to the bottom with rough force.

"Not exactly. Well, to the press, exactly like that, but Rose knows it is just as friends. I made that very clear to her."

"But why?" I just didn't get it. He told me that they were done.

"Because she has had a series of, let's call them, unsuccessful relationships that have gained her a bit of a reputation. So she wanted to keep our breakup on the down low for a little while longer. I agreed to that."

"So, tomorrow you have a date with your ex-girlfriend." _Oh just freaking great! _Though, it was sort of ironic that her rep needed his loyalty, considering what Edward said never happened between them.

"No, I don't. Tomorrow, I am escorting a friend to a benefit as a favor."

"You're splitting hairs, Edward," I muttered tartly.

"Bella, you have nothing to worry about." I wasn't sure if I should be pissed off or what exactly to feel. I just knew that I didn't like it one bit. "Besides, I thought you might feel that way, so I asked Emmett to go as well." My mouth popped open in shock. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Yes," I answered petulantly. I was still a bit miffed. It wasn't like he had asked me to go. I wasn't sure that I was even interested in attending, but that was not the point. I wanted to be the one asked. Not Rose.

"I agreed to this before I knew where we were headed, Bella. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner." He fingered my braid, running his fingers down the swirls.

Tuesday night arrived and I hated it. The tux was picked up from the dry cleaners and Emmett was sitting with his legs slung out across the kitchen, waiting for Edward to finish. He looked very handsome in his rental tux and bigger than his usual huge Mack truck cutout.

"Move your ass, Edward," he hollered. I wasn't sure where it came from, but Emmett and Edward already had a brotherly lingo growing between them, basically sounding like a couple of teenagers.

"I'm coming, so just shut up." Edward bent down and tied his shoelace, before he quickly placed a few kisses on Elizabeth's cheeks. "Bye, sweetie." He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I was not an ounce happier today than I had been yesterday. I hated that he was doing this thing with his ex-girlfriend, no matter how much he denied having any feelings for her. I knew that I should cool down about it. It was a mere three days ago that we officially got our wires untangled and decided to give us a go. Though, it felt like ages ago. "Stop worrying, please." He smoothed his thumb over my forehead. "Or those lines will be permanently carved into your forehead."

"I'm not worried," I said.

"You're lying," he answered and smiled before he kissed me. "I'll be back around midnight." I nodded in response feeling wretched that this was the last night he was in New York and he was spending it with her and not me. I really didn't want to be a party pooper, but I was losing that battle.

"Have fun," was all I was able to say just before they left.

I was sitting on the couch, pretending to watch the show with Alice and Jasper, while I was counting the minutes until Edward would be back. I was feeling like a schoolgirl with a bad case of sour grapes. Elizabeth was in bed already and I basically had nothing to do, but chew my nails or pick at my cuticles.

"I met her, you know," Alice said suddenly.

"Who?"

"The girl that you're obviously jealous of."

"I'm not jealous," I almost spat back at Alice.

"Excuse me, but you are. Bella, open your eyes. As far as I can see, Edward worships the ground you walk on and it took me less than an hour to figure that out. So please stop sitting here gnawing you lip to shreds waiting for him. He's in love with you, not Rose."

"How do you know about that?" I asked.

I caught a glimpse of Jasper's indulgent smile. "It's Alice. She just knows," she threw in and shrugged.

"Besides, she's not his type at all. And she is a bit of a bitch," Alice said. "Well, maybe not a total bitch when she loses her façade." I stared at her. "I met her in L.A." Alice frowned almost irritated when I seemed to not follow what she was saying.

"Oh, right." I muttered. "Thanks, Alice," I finished, hoping she would drop the conversation.

"Can we go to bed now?" Jasper whispered. She leaned her head back and looked up at Alice sitting behind her. I threw a quick glance at the time. It wasn't late at all. Alice nodded. Her eyes were suddenly alive and animated, when regarding her wife. They were trying to go stealth about it, but I knew things had made a u-turn between them. It was clear as day. I was happy for them, but it made the apartment feel small. My sex radar was kicking in and I knew exactly what was happening in their room.

oooooOOOOooooo

The hall was dark and lonely. I was dwarfed in Edward's t-shirt and it smelled heavenly of him. He insisted that I kept it, knowing I had a thing for wearing his stuff. He left most of his belongings here because he didn't need them right now. He treaded his fingers through my hair, while running the tips over my scalp. "God, I hate this," he murmured.

Edward had proven just how dependable he was when he returned a quarter to midnight. We hadn't slept at all. We had only been lying in bed, talking a little and kissing on occasion. We hadn't made love, just reveling in the skin on skin feeling. On some level, I wanted to be intimate, but it seemed insignificant compared to having a few hours where I could just feel so close to him. That was far more important.

I leaned in and rested my head against his chest. "It's okay, Edward," I whispered as loneliness crept into every cell of my body. I didn't want him to go. He curled me into his long arms and sheltered me from the festering cold that would come in the wake of his departure.

"Fuck, I don't want to go." His voice grew thick. It was four in the morning and he was on an early flight to Frankfurt. He wouldn't be back for at least two weeks and our little world of make believe was over for now. He was leaving.

"But you'll be back soon," I interceded.

"You bet your ass I will." He paused. "As soon as I can and not a second later."

"Kiss me," I whispered.

He cupped my cheeks and placed a slow and reverent kiss on my mouth. "I'll miss you."

"Right back at you," I answered, before he kissed me softly again. "Can I ask a favor?"

"Anything."

"If you miss your period…don't take a test until I'm here. Deal?"

"I promise."

"I love you."

"Me too." Pushing back my distaste with his departure, I tried to go for humor to lighten the depressing tension. I wanted to be strong for him. "Now be a big boy and go, or you'll miss your flight."

The silent click of the door when he left was almost like a thunderstorm cracking across the sky. I wiped a few silent tears on his shirtsleeve and went back to bed. It seemed so big now and I felt so empty. I picked up Elizabeth and curled around her for some warmth and company.

oooooOOOOooooo

I worried about Edward. We spoke every day, but it was like he was becoming more and more distant. I was horrified at the thought that we couldn't handle this separation and that a few measly weeks were enough to drive a wedge between us. I thought that we were strong, perhaps just not strong enough.

"Please talk to me, Edward." I asked quietly. This was another phone call where he hardly spoke. He was so far away, so disconnected that it was numbing.

"There isn't much to say," he answered quietly. The silence was just so powerful. It was hard to beat it down, but I had to.

"Are you having second thoughts about us?" I held my breath letting the tension turn to cement in my chest. Did I want to hear the answer to this?

There was a sharp intake of breath. "Why would you ask that?" There was another horrible stretch of silence unfurling in the dead air. "Are you?" His voice lost volume, like a deflating balloon.

"Of course not."

"Then why?"

"Edward…" I breathed. "What is wrong? Please, won't you tell me?" I was at the brink of tears. I could only imagine all the reasons that he was so distant. He was so far away with women that were beautiful and I could only imagine all the ways that they could distract a man.

"I don't want to burden you."

"Well, you do…" There was another hiss of breath. "When you won't talk to me, I worry so much about you." Tears oozed from my eyes. What could be so bad? Well, my imagination was vivid enough to draw a few conclusions that would cause this detachment.

"Please don't cry. I don't want to make you cry. I'm not good at this, Bella. I hate that I can't keep this from you. It's like my whole world just did a one-eighty. I feel like such a fucking pansy ass because I can't stand to be away from you or Elizabeth. You're all that I think about. Every minute of every day, I wonder what you are doing and what I am missing out on. I hate it. I just want to come home."

"Home?" I wasn't sure the word made any sound. Did he just describe me as home? That was a bit daunting.

There was a weak melodic sound of his laugh. "Yeah, home. You are my life now. I was so used to being on my own. Being on the move like this has been fine so far, but now I have somewhere that ties me down. You're like a siren's call to me. I lost that feeling of home when I was seventeen and my family died. I haven't felt it once since, but now it is all that I feel."

"You're homesick." I smiled. My strong and capable man, my Edward was homesick. It was kind of cute. I had to admit that. However, I was heartbroken that he was so depressed. "Edward, you'll be back in a week and we'll be here waiting for you."

"I really needed to hear that."

"I'll tell you every time you want."

Our initial plan had been to take things slow, but in matters of the heart, there was no controlling it. I couldn't reel in my feelings anymore than I could take it slow with Edward. What I felt for him and had for so long was irrevocable. There was no going back.

The next day I left the shop feeling content with the inexpensive gift in the small paper bag in my pocket. It was such an inane thing, but I knew deep down in my gut that it would help dissolve his depressive mood. At least, I hoped so. From the bookstore, I shipped the small gift off to the latest hotel address that Edward had given me, hoping UPS wouldn't screw up the delivery and he would miss his gift. I had planned he would get the other one when he returned. Home.

oooooOOOOooooo

The room was dark. Suddenly, a figure cloaked in the shadows crossed the room. I was held captive in my dream. The dark shape bent over Elizabeth's crib, but I felt no fear. For some reason, I knew that she was safe. The shadow wouldn't harm her. I faded and sank back into oblivion.

Warm fingers slipped across my forehead and down to the column of my throat, tracing over my collarbone. I knew those fingers. They would warm my lonely body at any given time. A warm and loving hand palmed my cheek. Next, there was a gentle pressure of lips to lips and I wasn't so sure that I was sleeping anymore. I carefully opened my eyes finding what I hoped for.

"You're home?" I barely whispered. Edward was sitting at the edge of the bed, gazing down at me with this completely peaceful look in his eyes like someone had given him back his vision after he had been living in darkness for a century. "You're not supposed to be here yet."

"I couldn't let the opportunity pass. I needed to test the best present that I've gotten for years." He dangled the key and tacky keychain saying HOME above my head. It was the key to the apartment that I had shipped off to him. "God, I missed you," he murmured. His voice was dripping with relief. I realized the shadow that I had seen bent over Elizabeth's crib was no shadow at all. It was Edward and he was really back.

Without hesitation, I quickly crawled off the bed and threw myself across his lap and into his arms. I needed to hold him just as much as I needed to feel his embrace. He gave me exactly what I needed and cocooned me closely in his arms, crushing me to his chest.

"I love you," I said, needing him to hear it and hoping he understood that he was the world to me. I inhaled his fragrance and instantly my insides grew hot and melted like butter. I hugged him closer and burrowed my face into his neck. God, this felt so good. It had been a little more than two weeks since was here.

He started kissing my face with reverence and eagerness took over both of us. This heat between us flared to a roaring bonfire soaked in gasoline. I needed to feel his skin, his mouth and his hands. I needed to know he was real. Edward seemed to be just as impatient as me. Our mouths connected fiercely and our tongues mingled.

Edward wasn't exactly gentle. He seemed more frantic. "Fuck, I hate being away from you!" His voice was rough, his hands were demanding and I was right there with him.

"Make love to me, Edward." I asked underneath his demanding mouth.

"Elizabeth…" he said as a way of explaining.

I ran my hands up his back under his shirt, feeling his smooth and warm skin. "She's sleeping. We'll just be quiet." I panted. "I need you." I rubbed my pelvis against his hips, clearly feeling the hard swollen ridge at the front of his jeans.

Edward pivoted us and placed me on my back, trapping me under him. "You sure?"

Our mouths collided again. Wet, warm and demanding. "Yeah." I pulled his shirt over his head and I was instantly wrapped in his god-like scent. He smelled better than any product you could ever place on your MasterCard.

He pressed against me with his hips. I moaned while spreading my legs wider and inviting him closer. I treaded my hands into his hair, knotting my fingers, bringing his mouth back to mine. Edward grabbed my thigh, bringing it up along his hip and spreading me wider for him. "You feel so good. I thought that I was losing my mind not seeing you," he said as his hand skimmed up my hip and under the oversized shirt that I wore to bed. I choked back my groan, when Edward lavished attention to my breast. I reached down and worked furiously at the buttons of his pants. He was wearing far too many clothes for my taste.

"Da-da," sounded from the crib about a yard and a half from the bed. My heart did a double beat then stilled for a moment. I had been so sure that she was out for the count and now she was grinning all over her lovely face looking bright and ready for a new day. It was three in the morning. As hot and bother as we had been, we both froze within an instant. From her crib, Elizabeth was standing against the bars with her chubby arms hanging over the side and stared at us.

"What did she just say?" Edward's eyes were wide, surprised and consumed by elation. That was my other present for him.

"I've been practicing with her to teach her to say daddy." I shrugged, feigning that the blush creeping into my face was invisible. "I guess it worked."

Edward clambered off me and sat back on his knees for a moment. He ran his hands through his hair as this incredible smile dominated his face. It was the most breathtaking smile that I'd ever seen. He rubbed his face with his hands like he couldn't believe this was real and not just a figure of his imagination.

I reached up and took one of his elegant hands in mine. He looked so overwhelmed. "Welcome home." I kissed his palm.

"Just saying I love you seems a little thin right now, but I love you so much." His fingers lingered over my lips for a moment. He stepped off the bed and picked up his daughter. "You hear that, Elizabeth? I love your mommy and I love you, sweetheart."

Elizabeth put her head on his shoulder and nuzzled in. I could only imagine what it meant to Edward that his daughter recognized him. Edward quickly changed into his pajama bottoms, climbed into bed, and we all snuggled up, letting this reunion be about all of us.

Elizabeth quickly fell asleep again and began snoring. Edward and I just locked eyes. "How long are you home for?" I asked.

He glanced at the alarm. "Less than twenty hours now."

"Better make them count," I whispered.

"Yeah." He smiled softly. "Did you get your period?"

"Not yet, but I am cramping like hell."

"I see." Edward answered. "Two days late?" I nodded and wished that I knew what he was thinking at this moment. He would be able to keep the code to the vault of the national bank and lie smoothly about the combination to anyone. His face had so many facets. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Come." He unfolded from the sheets and pulled me up from the bed. I carefully avoided waking the sweet girl sleeping between us. On the way out of the room, Edward picked up something.

"Take this." He handed me the white package when we were in the bathroom. I didn't take it.

"Now?" I blurted and rubbed my face. Talk about getting straight to the point.

"Yeah, now," he said softly, still giving nothing away.

"Do I get to have some privacy?"

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Just pee, Bella. Don't be prissy about it."

"God, you sound like Alice." Edward's brows shot up, surprised. I shrugged. "Last time I did this, Alice told me the exact same thing." I guessed if he wanted to see me pee, who was I to complain? I didn't mind.

When Edward handed me the stick and I took it this time, my heart and mind caught up with the gritty fact that now we would know the consequences of my drunken night with Edward. Up until now, I was able to not pay attention to it and pretend it didn't exist and live happily in my ignorance. I stared at Edward. "It's okay, Bella. I'm still here and I am not going anywhere."

I swallowed noisily and peed on the stick. I put the cap back on and handed it to Edward without giving it a second glance. I finished and washed my hands. The seconds felt like hours. Edward just kept staring at the small window, waiting for that damn plus or minus sign. That symbol may change our lives once again.

Edward slowly bit down on his lower lip, before his chest swelled and he sighed. Giving nothing away as usual. No anxiety, no joy and nothing that would reveal how he felt.

"What does it say?" My mouth was drier than the Sahara desert at midday.

"What I wanted it to say," Edward said evenly and kept staring at the damn stick.

"Oh?"

oooooOOOOooooo

**Thanks for reading and I hope to see some comments while I run and duck.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Right now I am on my knees saluting my beta Dazzled eyes22. If it wasn't for her, this chapter would be lacking, half-assed and seriously bad. So if you like the chapter below, thank her and not me. She pushes me to dig deeper and be better. Thank you so freaking much D, I owe you. **

**Someone else deserves a serious pat on her back and a kiss on her cheek for being so damn awesome. Thaigher Lillie, you say you like what I do, but I hardly reach past your non-pasty ankles. Thank you so much for your moral support and the rest of the shit you do for me.**

**AN:**

**Thank you for the comments and alerts, reading them brings me a lot of joy and it makes me feel honored. Keep it up.**

**Okay, lovelies. A bit of Edward and some Bella for you… and perhaps a clue to what that damn test says.**

**NOW READ. **

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 26**

**EPOV**

Wide brown eyes. Impossibly wide brown eyes. Beautiful, so extraordinary and overloaded with emotions. I wondered if she was going to pass out. "Bella, what do you want this to say?" I asked. She didn't answer. "Bella?"

"I… I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" How the hell could she not know?

"I mean that I haven't really thought about it."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "How can you not have thought about it?" Now it was my turn to stare baffled at her. It was all that I had been able to think about. Through the last two shitty and lonely weeks of my life, it was seriously ALL that I could think about every damn second. Positive or negative. Blood or no blood. Pregnant or not pregnant. I had been numb, unable to focus on work and not even capable of having a conversation. All the time I was gone, I was thinking about Bella and Elizabeth and wondering about what the outcome of a pregnancy test would be.

I longed for the both of them. Suddenly, I was going from being free and not really having a care in the world to being completely tied down and more insanely, I wanted to be. I wanted to be on a freaking leash and have their names tattooed to my bloody forehead. I wanted to be the sole figure in their lives. The longer that I was away from them, the more I hoped and wished for a positive test result. I wanted Bella to be pregnant again.

However, I had no clue how she felt about the whole ordeal. I tried to be a gentleman and take care of business. I tried to be considerate and not force her hand and that was exactly what I ended up doing. Almost fucking forcing her hand and make her take that damn pill. She'd said nothing and I assumed that it was her quiet consent to what I thought she wanted. So finding her with silent tears completely soaking her face had been an eye opener. So not wanting to force her to do anything, I kept my damn mouth shut and let her deal with things in her own time and pace. The only problem was she hadn't said a goddamn word about it, so now I was left fumbling through the darkness once more.

"What do you say, Bella?"

"I don't know?" Her eyes were still bottomless pits of confusion.

I closed my eyes seeing clearly what this was about. "You thought about what I would think, didn't you?" It took a moment before she nodded. So selfless, she was always so damn selfless. It was the same all over again. She never thought about what she wanted before considering what I wanted. Sure, sometimes it was misguided, unnecessary and perhaps even wrong, but she didn't do it to be cruel. It was just so confusing and frustrating. "What do you want for you, Bella?" I pushed, hoping to catapult her back into her own body and her own feelings. She needed to trust herself.

"I think… I think I want it. I mean that I want it to be positive," she said carefully after a while.

Slowly, I turned the stick and let her see the result. "It looks like you got your wish."

oooooOOOOooooo

**BPOV**

Waking up, I wanted to pinch my arm and check to see if I was really awake or still having a bizarre dream. Edward wasn't in bed with me. Elizabeth lay in her crib and was cradled around her covers with her face scrunching up once in a while, like she always did when she was waking up in the morning.

Perhaps, it all had been a dream?

I turned in bed glancing at my alarm. It was seven-thirty AM on a Saturday. I didn't need to be at the store until ten. However, I might as well get up, because Elizabeth would be howling from her crib within the next ten minutes. While getting out of bed, I stretched my back to get rid of the kinks, but then I stumbled over a bag dropped on the floor. I braced myself against the dresser to avoid smacking into the floor. Pictures tipped over. I was suddenly face to face with a plus sign that apparently hadn't been part of my dream. I straightened myself and picked up the pregnancy test. Oh, right. I was pregnant again. It all felt so surreal. The three am wake up call, the kissing, the testing and conversation with Edward. He had been so sweet and understanding when he admitted that he wished that I was pregnant. I contemplated banging my head against the wall a few times to make the haze dissipate. Could this really be true? Did I get off this easy? That too seemed bizarre.

I glanced over at Elizabeth's crib, feeling confident that perhaps this was okay. Sure, very rushed, but really okay for us. Edward said that he wanted this. He'd kissed me and promised me that he was here for the long haul, here for good, and that we were in this together. I felt a fleeting ray of happiness and allowed myself to really consider this pregnancy. I had _another_ Elizabeth growing inside of me. Okay, not another, but a child, another child of Edward's, inside me.

This time, we were doing it together. I ran my fingers over my stomach. A shadow of sadness lingered at the back of my mind. Somehow, it felt like a do-over. I had robbed Edward of this the first time that I was pregnant and now we got to do it again together. I knew the sadness that I felt came from the simple fact that it would never be okay that Edward didn't get to be a part of my pregnancy when I was carrying Elizabeth.

I left my room pondering about what Edward was doing, when I heard voices from the kitchen. I strolled over taking in Edward's very casual attire of checkered pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. How anyone could make that outfit look so good was beyond me, but Edward pulled it off as usual.

"Coffee?" Alice asked as she was buzzing around the kitchen like a tiny bee wearing a bright yellow dress and black leggings.

"Thanks," Edward answered. He had his shoulder leaned against the cupboard.

Jasper sat at the table flipping through the paper. Her hair was damp and she was in her usual jeans and t-shirt. Her face was still flushed, probably from a morning run. Jasper held her cup out mid air and Alice refilled it out of habit. Sometimes, it was like they shared one mind. No questions were necessary.

I stepped up behind Edward and was about to put my hands around his waist when he spoke again. "I er… I have something for you guys. It's sort of a belated wedding present. I didn't get around to it last time I was here, but I wanted to give this to you now."

A smile spread on my lips, but I didn't say anything. I just stayed behind him, curious as hell.

Alice stopped mid step and threw a surprised glance at me. Jasper looked up from the paper. Edward tapped an envelope against his knuckles a few times before handing it to Alice. "What is it?" Alice asked cautiously.

Edward laughed gently. "Why don't you open it and see for yourselves?"

Alice sat down next to Jasper and peeled the lip of the envelope back. Alice pulled what looked like tickets and a pamphlet out and both their jaws dropped simultaneously. Alice turned some of the papers over a few times, clearly trying to regain her composure. "Are you for real?" she gasped. "I really know that I should say we can't possibly accept these, but I am just not going to do that."

"Oh, my god," Jasper gasped. "Neither am I, baby." She gazed at Alice then back at the papers, whatever they were. "This is just freaking awesome, but this really is too much."

"Glad you like it." Edward said and took a sip of his coffee nonchalantly, like the present was no big deal. Alice opened her mouth to speak, but Edward cut her off. "Before you say anything else, the tickets are valid for whenever you find the time and opportunity to go. I really hate to do this, but could you not tell Bella exactly where that is because the place is quite special to me and I want to surprise her with it."

My breath hitched and my blood simmered in my veins.

"Okay, _I_ won't say a word," Alice chirped and turned to me. "Morning, Bella." Her tone was overbearing and she smiled gleefully.

Edward groaned loudly and hung his head off his shoulders. He turned to me. "You weren't supposed to overhear that."

"Oh?" I inclined a brow at him, waiting for him to spill the beans.

"Yeah." He shrugged and kissed my forehead. His light breath feathered past my face. It smelled strongly of coffee.

"So what did you just give them?" I asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about. Not now, okay?" His eyes pierced mine. Oh, right. We had bigger things on our hands and we had mere hours together this time. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned in. I decided to not push the subject and just deal with what we did have on our plate.

I was aware that Alice and Jasper were chatting elated about whatever he gave them. I was curious as hell, but I would just ask Alice or Jasper at a later point in time. I closed my eyes and savored that he was home today.

The front door slammed suddenly and Emmett's loud voice shot through the apartment. "Well, hello there you SOB. When the hell did you fly into town?" Emmett basically hollered when spotting Edward. Apparently, they had a good night the last time he was here.

"Last night," Edward answered and pulled back from me. "Nice to see you too, Emmett."

"I know."

Jasper shot him a glum look. "What are you doing here at this hour… or haven't you been to bed yet? If that's the case, I don't even want to know." She shook her head.

"I haven't been to bed, but not for the reason you might think. I got some kickass awesome news, sis!" I glanced quickly at his wrinkled shirt and surprisingly disarrayed short hair. He had definitely had a long night, which wasn't unlike him.

"What's that?" Her brows furrowed.

"Well, I am done freeloading off mom and dad for now, because I got freaking signed!" He bellowed and fist pumped into the air. "I have a job, a contract and a very decent paycheck." I gaped at him, completely understanding his need for a night out. Watching him literally have his dream come true was quite spectacular and loud to say the least. My chest swelled with pride. He was finishing college and worked as hard as anyone to obtain his goal, a contract to play professional football. Sure, I was clueless about the sport, but what mattered to Emmett, mattered to me.

"Oh, my god," Jasper's practically squealed, almost sounding like Alice. "That is so awesome. With whom?"

"Four letters. Give me four letters." Emmett gestured with four fingers raised.

"Holy shit! The Jets? Congratulations, little brother. I knew you could do it." He put her arms around Jasper and hauled her up from the chair into a bear hug.

"Good for you," Alice said and was next in line for a crushing embrace. Emmett was far beyond euphoric.

"Thanks, Pixie." Alice groaned at the name. I was the next person to be hugged and I was sure my ribs were a bit bruised when he let go. Even Edward didn't escape a few hard pats on his back when Emmett hugged him too.

Jasper and Alice started to throw together breakfast, after Emmett declared that he hadn't eaten all night and that he was fucking starving. I didn't doubt that. He was always hungry.

We sat down for breakfast and there was a more than decent meal served with a boatload of food. Besides the table being seriously crowded, it was warm and a strong sense of family rose within me. Literally. I found myself unconsciously playing with my fingers over my still flat stomach. It was hard to believe that inside of me another mini-Edward was growing again. Sure, it was probably just a few cells growing and dividing, but another little nudger was inside there.

Edward caught my gesture and smiled softly at me. However, there was some strange darkness unfurling behind the happiness. Something was troubling him. "Emmett, what the hell happened to you at the benefit? I waited for you, like forever," Edward said when looking away from me again.

"Oh, let me see. Life." He shrugged. "Anyway, you're a big boy. I was sure that you could make your own way home."

"That's not the point." Edward said, while spreading butter on another roll and handing it to Elizabeth. She sank her two bright white and new front teeth into it right away, but quickly changed tactics and started licking the butter off instead. Edward smiled indulgently at her, before he shifted his gaze back to Emmett. "Anyway, you could have at least texted me."

"Sure I could, but I got a little tied up." He shrugged again. I really hoped that he didn't mean literally tied up. With Emmett, you just never knew. Strangely, he was being completely and unusually evasive. Normally, he was all for sharing details that the rest of us wished we could wipe from our brains forever.

Jasper let out a small giggle and shared a couple of looks with Alice and then me. We all knew what that meant. Alice spoke up. "I'm going to venture a guess. Blond, approximately five eight and not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed." She quirked a brow at him.

"I beg to differ, ass fondling girl," he said, dragging out the word ass. "Five seven, legs up to her neck, smoking hot and wickedly smart."

"Wow, you got all that from a one night stand?" Alice grinned. "I'm sure that she's talented."

"Like you wouldn't believe." Emmett shot back and smiled wickedly, clearly recalling some kinky detail that he was probably about to share.

I covered my ears hoping this conversation was over soon, because I seriously didn't need any more information. "Are you done?" I asked, just a small step away from singing lalalalalalala to drown out their voices.

"Oh, so delicate, Bells." Emmett laughed and his eyes twinkled mischievously. "But I guess that I understand since you're the only one at the table who doesn't eat pussy."

I gasped.

The reaction was instant and from everyone.

"Jesus!" Jasper spat, and smacked his chest.

"Emmett!" Alice growled, then rolled her eyes.

"Not around my kid, you don't!" Edward glared at Emmett.

I said nothing and belatedly covered Elizabeth's ears instead of my own, but the damage was done. I felt the heat from my blush burn my face. I was probably turning a startling shade of crimson.

"What did I say?" Emmett asked with mock innocence.

"Boys will be boys." Jasper muttered after a long silence and we all started laughing hysterically. So true, at least about Emmett.

The conversation picked up again, mainly focusing on Emmett's future career. I paid attention, but understood as much about it as I did about Charlie's fishing gear, which was very close to nothing. I understood fishing involved a pole and football was played on a field, but comprehending more than that was a struggle. To me, physical exercise was humiliating. I didn't have the hand eye coordination and I was a klutz.

"Emmett, would you mind looking after Elizabeth for about half an hour?" Edward asked when we were done with the dishes and cleaning up after the enormous breakfast. Sure, I was pregnant again, but I wasn't prepared for how bloated I felt. I blamed the food.

"Sure thing."

I stared at Edward. He held his hand out to me. "Is there somewhere we can talk?" He hesitated. "Privately?" I gazed at his face, taking in the seriousness.

"Uhm… sure. We can go up to the roof."

Edward followed me up the stairs to the wrought iron door leading to the roof. Old withered plants were situated in pots, alongside a few old and tattered tanning beds. No one really used the space. I didn't really get why. It was quite peaceful up here. A gentle breeze swept across the rooftop. The morning was warm and the sun was rising on a cloudless sky.

I slowly sat down in one of the chairs and watched Edward pace back and forth a few times. With each step he took, I grew more and more anxious. What was it that he needed to say and that he was obviously so distraught about? I fiddled with my hair, taking in a few split ends and making a mental note of booking a hairdresser appointment. Following Edward with my eyes, I forced my mind elsewhere to avoid going into a full-blown panic attack.

Edward finally stopped torturing his hair with his hands and came over. He slumped to his knees in front of me. He looked down while he tenderly ran his hands up my jeans clad thighs. "Bella, do you ever think about what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think you always think about me. I need you to stop trying to protect me. I don't need it. When you worry only about what I want, I can't tell how _you_ really feel. I am just clueless."

I chewed my lip, feeling a bit sad. I hadn't realized that was how I affected him. "I'm scared, Edward." The words tumbled from my lips before I even registered that was how I really felt. I was terrified to make a mistake, which would result in him turning his back and leaving us.

"What exactly are you scared of?" he asked gently.

My heart fluttered in my chest. Could I really air all the things troubling my mind about him and me, but that was what he asked for. "I'm scared of losing you. Our worlds are so different. I have a quiet and boring life. You have excitement, traveling and living out your dream. Not that my life isn't the way I want it to be, but they are nothing alike." I wished my voice had more power and my eyes weren't already burning with pressing tears. I wasn't used to being so vulnerable.

"Who says it is my dream to miss nine out of ten days with Elizabeth and you? Who says my dream is to talk to a bunch of strangers and make other people money because I have a pretty face? That is not my dream, not anymore. What I want is to stay here with my family." Edward gently rubbed my thighs in a soothing rhythm.

"You shouldn't have to give up what you worked so hard for, not for me," I mumbled, staring down at my hands. It just wasn't fair for him to lose that. I couldn't ask that of him.

"Bella, I wouldn't be giving up anything. I would be planning a different future than I thought I would, but that is not a bad thing."

"You want quiet and boring?" I mouthed, feeling a bit stunned.

"I want you. I want my family."

"You already have me. That's the other thing. I don't get why?"

"Why what?" he asked confused.

"Why me? The only thing that makes sense to me is because we have Elizabeth." I whispered. My throat was closing and my nose stuffing. "I'm nothing like the women in the world you live in. I look nothing like them."

"God, you have such low self-esteem," he said under his breath. He hesitated for a moment. "No, you look nothing like them and frankly that's the point. I happen to think you are one of the most beautiful people that I have ever laid eyes on. That's because you're natural and you're real, Bella. You are real to me and what you have in here," he placed his hand over my heart. "That is what I love, not what's on the outside. Sure, I happen to very much like the outside of you too. I love the inside of you, because you are different from them and strong, self-sufficient. You have a mind of your own. You're a fighter and you always find a way through the tough days. You're sweet, smart and caring. You are also the mother of my daughter and how can I not love you for that? So all the things you see exists in my life as it is now, isn't real. I said it before and I'll say it again. That world is only skin deep. What we have here today and on this rooftop is more than skin deep. It goes all the way in here." He tapped his fingers against my chest, over my heart. "You have nothing to fear because what matters to me is here and a few floors below us and I seriously don't mean Emmett."

I suddenly cracked a smile through it all, feeling all splotchy and ugly with tears brimming in my eyes and snot running from my nose. I tried to gingerly mask wiping my nose. "You're too good for me."

"Says who?"

"Me. How can you love me when all I do is trap you? I get pregnant once by accident. I get that happens, but seriously who gets knocked up twice by accident?"

Edward cocked a brow at me, looking almost arrogant. "Seriously, who can't keep his dick to himself and puts a bun in your oven - twice?" I gaped at him. "Two can play that game, Bella, but it doesn't really get us anywhere. Can't we just let go of the blame game?"

"What if I make mistakes?" I snorted.

Edward's jaw dropped for a moment, but then he snickered. "Oh, honey, that ship sailed a long time ago. I think we both know that already happened. I am still here and I am staying here. You don't have to be worry about messing up, because we all do at some point in time. No one's perfect."

I couldn't help giggling, while trying to capture the tears running over my cheeks. "You kind of are. I'll try to be more open, but I just can't help feeling a bit scared."

His answering smile was sympathetic and warm. "I am so far from perfect, but would it be ironic if I said that I'm a bit rattled too?"

"You're scared?" My brows shot up. It was a little hard to imagine his confidence had any cracks. Perhaps, he just hid them well, better than me at least. "What are you afraid of?"

That darkness that brushed across his eyes when he was hurt reappeared. "Basically the same thing as you. I'm afraid that you don't love me back. I am also terrified that my world will end up hurting you because that can be a fucking brutal place. I've grown a thick skin over the years, but if you're not used to it, it can skin you alive."

"Now who's not paying attention?" I basically interrupted and Edward frowned. "I told you over and over again that I love you."

"I know, but when you don't talk to me, they're just words." He shrugged and his eyes clouded with sadness.

"So when I blurt all my fears to you, that makes you feel loved?"

"Yes. When you trust me with your thoughts, that's when I know you love me," he answered gently.

"So we're both a bit frightened, I guess."

He nodded. "It seems so. Just right now that can't get the better of us because baby you are pregnant… er, we're pregnant and we need to figure this out. I told you last night that I hoped for this. I promise you that I do, but I need to know that you want this too. Are you sure you want the baby, because this is a huge decision." he implored.

"Yes, I'm sure." I hesitated, while deciding to stop editing through my feelings. I held my breath for a moment before I spoke. "I'm excited about the pregnancy," I said carefully. "I'm excited the baby because it's another you and me."

"Good. There you go." He encouraged. I sensed he was thrilled with my openness. I couldn't help, but laugh as his praise felt kind of juvenile, considering I was twenty-six years old. Quietly, he helped dry my tears. "Now, I have another bunch of stuff that we need to talk about. Boring as hell, but we need to settle some affairs."

"What might that be?" I bit my lip.

"First of all, Elizabeth's birth certificate now officially has my name on it, thanks to you, Jenks and the legal system, and I'm having other documents drawn up."

"Like what?" I frowned.

"I want a passport issued for Elizabeth."

"A passport? Why?"

"I want her to be able to go with me when I travel, if that's okay with you. Maybe even having you come with me too."

"Are you plotting something?" I narrowed my eyes playfully at him, remembering his gift to Jasper and Alice this morning.

"I might be." His smile was enigmatic.

"You're not going to tell?"

"And spoil the surprise? I almost did that once today. All I will say now, is that I want to take you and Elizabeth somewhere that is very special to me, but you already heard that." I opened my mouth to beg for more information when he placed a finger over my lips. "There's no use arguing, because I won't tell you," he paused. "I also think we are going to need some privacy to contemplate the pending situation. I think it will be good for us to spend some extended time together. Basically, you need to see if you can stand my ass for more than a few days." He laughed gently.

"When is this supposed thing happening?"

"Soon, I hope." He smirked looking quite pleased with himself.

"Edward, I can't really leave the bookstore."

"Not even for me?" He asked. His face literally fell apart. Darkness instantly clouded the brilliant and vibrant green color in his eyes. I hated doing this to him. The idea of me hurting him again was sickening.

"It's nothing to do with you. I have to take care of my business," I said softly.

"And we have to take care of our family," he countered immediately. He moved his hand from my thighs and grasped my hands. I squeezed his fingers hoping to let him know that this wasn't easy for me. I couldn't just pick up and leave on a whim anymore. Sure, he could financially afford it without as much as batting a lash, but I couldn't.

"I'll think about it," I conceded.

"I'll take that for now. Last thing. I'm also having a living will drawn up. Jenks is handling it. I want Elizabeth, well our kids now, protected should anything happen to me or us." His face was completely serious and not to be argued with when he sat squatted and gazed up at me with such astonishing devotion.

I gaped stunned, but knew why he would take such a precaution. He was reacting to what he knew and learned in his life. He had lost everything. "You kind of go all in, don't you?" I mouthed.

"You could say that." Edward smiled sheepishly, but I completely understood him.

I leaned forward, while palming his face. I kissed him softly. "Do whatever you need to do, Edward." I whispered. "Whatever makes you feel safe."

"I feel safe because I know that you love me back," he mouthed soberly and returned my kiss. His lips were so gentle and tender.

"Can I ask something of you?" I said carefully, while pulling back slightly.

"Anything," he mouthed, looking calm and reassured.

"Can we not tell the others about the baby for a little while? I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and I just want it all to sink in first."

"I don't really favor secrets, but I understand." His eyes traveled down my body. His long fingers fiddled with the hem of my shirt, before he grazed both thumbs over my stomach. He kept his eyes on midriff, seemingly lost in thought. "I bet you look beautiful when you start to show."

"I'll look like an elephant." I rolled my eyes trying for humor, but Edward didn't notice. I skimmed my fingers down the bridge of his nose, hoping to catch his attention. "Edward, I'll make a doctor's appointment for next time your home."

His eyes moved up to my face. "Thank you," he answered quietly, still brushing the skin on my stomach with his fingers.

As we arrived back to the apartment, Elizabeth was squealing with joy while Emmett was tossing her back and forth and making her soar through the air then nosedive to the floor. He had her completely riled up.

I finished getting ready to go to work, when Edward announced that he and Elizabeth were coming with me. I was thrilled, knowing that I wouldn't be missing him the few hours that he was here. He was leaving at nine tonight.

Edward checked the spine of the book, before he put it away on the shelf helping me restock the store with new publications. His baseball cap was pulled down his face and we were working at the back part of the shop, having as much privacy as possible. "So how is business?"

"Pretty good. I mean that I am turning a profit, but it's not by much. Enough to put food on the table and pay Aro."

"Aro?" Edward questioned, raising his brows.

"Yeah, uh, he's sort of my silent partner. He owns forty three percent of the bookstore now. He stepped in and it was how I was able to buy the place. However, I am paying him back by a third of a percent each month." Edward stood stock-still and stared at me. "He also helped out Alice when she started her clothing line." I threw in, trying to avoid this thick tension coming from Edward. "What?" I asked.

"I could help you out," he said carefully.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Help out how?"

"Buy this Aro guy out," he said wistfully.

"Edward," I sighed.

"I know it's your place and not mine," he agreed quickly, maybe too quickly. I had a feeling he wasn't going to let that go. I nodded. That was the essence of this whole debacle. This was my life's work. I wasn't sure that I liked how he was able to basically demote me because his treasure chest was packed and mine wasn't. I built this place, it was mine, and having Edward waltz in and take over was unsettling. I loved him, yes, but the bookstore was my baby.

oooooOOOOooooo

Edward was on his knees, stuffing his small and fancy computer, journal and other personal belongings into his backpack. He was rifling through stuff that he didn't want to bring and sorting through clothes that he left the last time. I'd washed them all for him.

I sat up on the bed and ran my fingers through my knotted hair trying to untangle some of the strands. I had a bad case of just fucked hair, though that hadn't happened. I let my eyes rake down Edward's naked chest. He was only dressed in a pair of loose soft jeans, with his dark blue boxers just peeking over the waistband. I watched how the lean muscles of his stomach rippled when he moved. He looked mouthwatering like this.

I reached for my shirt tossed beside us and pulled it on over my head, while forgoing putting a bra on. I was headed to bed in not too long anyway. I tried to straighten the waistband of my old sweats, because they had practically been wiggled around my waist with all our activity. We basically had been making out like horny fifteen year olds.

My lips were virtually sore and swollen and it was almost nine o'clock. Edward was getting ready to go. God, I hated this sense of déjà vu that I was having. It was like life was running circles around us, drawing a path where we could only make left hand turns and leading us back to the exact same spot over and over again.

Edward stood and bent down over me, while brushing his lips over mine. We had spent the hour and a half since Elizabeth fell asleep trying to keep quiet. Edward had covered the side of her crib with a blanket, should she wake up. She shouldn't see us all over each other. We would scar her for life.

"I like you much better half naked," Edward mumbled into my mouth and flicked his hand at my shirt.

"I like being half naked for you." I twirled my tongue around his, reveling the sweet taste of his mouth. "Or completely naked." I suggested playfully. He moaned softly, while capturing my bottom lip and sucking. We pressed our mouths together passionately, when he tipped me backwards on the bed again. I sighed content with running my palms up his still naked back, when I was trapped under him once more. I liked this. I laughed gently when he quickly and efficiently ridded me of my shirt all over again. When he pulled back, his eyes did a once over down my torso and warmth coursed through me. His eyes were sparkling pits of green and so alive. I cherished the way that he looked at me, like I was the most desirable woman in the world, the most exquisite wine and like I was something to eat. I blushed at the thought.

"Perhaps next time and definitely naked," he murmured, as he put his lips to my neck. He nipped my skin, while letting his teeth graze my throat. The sensation was exquisite. While drifting south and as if he needed to prove a point, he parted my legs with his knees and pressed his growing erection against me. I squirmed at the almost burning sensation from the ridged hardness. His mouth and hands met at my breasts and sparks of desire floated through my veins when his tongue circled my puckered nipple. He took it between his lips, suckling once more, slowly and deliriously. I moaned. The sound ricocheted deep in my throat.

"I'm looking forward to it." I sighed against him, reveling in the heat that was coming from his body.

"Uhm yes, this was fun." He smirked at me. He brought his hand up and tenderly brushed my lips. Oh yes, they were certainly sore and swollen. I let my fingers rest on his cheek, remembering how his facial hairs tickled and felt coarse when we had kissed so passionately. He dipped further south and kissed my stomach reverently. Crawling up my body, he hugged me to his chest and hummed lightly. He wasn't so sad this time and neither was I. He would be back soon, in just a few days. "Take care of both of you. I'll call you in the morning."

"You better." I sat up again and stole one last kiss from him, before I put my shirt back on and at the same time that he finished dressing.

He leaned over Elizabeth, placed a gently peck on her cheek and stroked her hair. In the living room, Alice leaped up and hugged Edward when he said goodbye. I stared a little stunned. "Thank you, Edward," she said gratefully like she was thanking her for more than just the mysterious present that they had received.

Jasper didn't move from the couch, but smiled politely when saying goodnight. She was still uncomfortable with a man in the house. I knew it would take her time to overcome her reservations towards him. Edward only waved and let her be.

The trip was short through the apartment and with that Edward was gone again, but I felt reassured. I was happy and he would be back here again soon.

I trotted back to the living room, joining Jasper and Alice. I plopped down on the couch. "What did you guys do today?" I asked, once more trying to salvage my hair with my fingers. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine.

"We went to the Met and then a flea market. Got some new shoes." Alice beamed and propped up her foot. "Cute, huh?" I glanced at the red vintage stiletto.

"Very," I said, feigning like I knew fashion. The shoes were nice though. "So, where is Edward sending you?" I asked. I was dying to know. I needed my curiosity fed. It was nagging at me insanely.

Alice only smirked at me, then turned to Jasper who sat beside her. "You really want to watch Heidi casting her judgment over some poor defenseless designers with me?" She asked her, not even bothering to tell me that I wasn't getting an answer.

Jasper smiled, leaned in and clearly inhaled against Alice's cheek. I wasn't one to be a voyeur, but I liked seeing them exchange these terms of endearments. I guessed it was because I knew they had lost it at one point and now they found it again. They deserved it. "I'll watch Heidi. You watch the clothes." Jasper smirked.

"She is so not even your type, sweetheart." Alice's pretended to pout like a schoolgirl.

"I know." She moved downwards and kissed Alice's throat. "She's still hot though." Jasper mouthed playfully and slipped her hands around her waist. She pulled Alice close and whispered something in her ear. Alice giggled. I knew that I didn't want to know what was said.

I narrowed my eyes at them. "Edward got to you, didn't he? That's why you're ignoring me," I asked when realized that I seriously wasn't going to get an answer. Such traitors.

"Absolutely." Jasper shifted and grinned at me.

"We promised not to kiss and tell, not even when he left."

I groaned and slumped into my seat. Typical.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you enjoyed. I hope it won't be too long until next time, but you never know.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**A major thanks to my ever faithful Beta Dazzled eyes22. I need to look up new ways to say thank you. **

**AN:**

**Big applause and thanks to the people who added me to your alerts and commented. **

**I hope you like what is coming next.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 27**

The bathroom stank. I seriously considered plugging my nose, but I figured that was just cruel to the sick little girl that I was trying to change out of yet another set of clothes that she had vomited all over. Poor thing.

"I changed the towels on the sofa again," Alice said when she poked her head through the door. Once more, Elizabeth had thrown up all over the couch. Good thing that my mommy instincts had kicked in and I covered the thing with towels.

"Thanks, Alice. You really didn't have to do that," I murmured. I washed my hands and dried them, before I ran my hands over my face.

"Bella, your boyfriend is on TV," Jasper called from the living room. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Edward's fame…

"I don't care, Jasper," I yelled back. "Call me when he's here," I muttered to myself. I have to say that I never missed Edward as much as I did now. Elizabeth had caught a stomach bug and was throwing up constantly. She was just downright miserable and I was exhausted. I'd stayed up all night and then tried going to work for a few hours until Angela could take over. Emmett was kind enough to watch her for me. I was grateful for his help. So when Edward would arrive home, it would be a relief.

"We don't have to go, Bella. We can stay home," Alice offered sweetly.

"Absolutely not," I refused. "Go out, have fun. What are you doing anyway?" I faked interest. I was just too tired to really get into it.

"To a movie and then out for a drink. It might be late." She shrugged, like she needed to apologize.

"Have fun." I turned away to avoid her probing eyes. I didn't want to be a stick in the wheel for their night out. I was happy that Jasper was finally brave enough to leave the apartment for social purposes. Alice left while I put a clean set of clothes on Elizabeth. "Come on, sweetie. Back to the couch."

"Mama," she babbled and leaned her head tiredly on my shoulder.

I plopped down next to Jasper, who was all done up to go out. She looked pretty and healthy.

"Can you change the channel please?" I asked, when I noticed she was watching the awards show. It made me uncomfortable. I had a hard time grasping this whole public persona that Edward had opposed to the Edward that was my boyfriend and Elizabeth's father. Today was not the day to deal with that fact, I preferred to naively live in my own bubble, happily ignoring that side of his life would catch up to us sooner or later. On the flickering screen, I caught a glimpse of Edward discretely checking his watch. To me, it was clear that his mind was somewhere else than on the show. With a few minutes of rest, the girl in my arms started crying again.

All the bones in my body were aching from exhaustion as I started pacing again. I had started to feel slightly nauseated from the pregnancy, but more predominantly now, I was dead on my feet from the moment that I opened my eyes until I closed them at night. The fatigue had come out of nowhere three days ago. I didn't remember it being this bad the last time that I was pregnant. Besides my own discomfort, Elizabeth being so sick was making me feel horrible. There wasn't much to be done for her other than pace up and down the floors with her in my arms, singing or talking to her trying to calm her down. She was crying constantly.

"Jasper, come on baby. I'm ready to go." Alice called from the hall.

"Call, if you need us to come home." Jasper offered, but wisely didn't come closer to us.

"Thanks." I smiled appreciatively. "I'm sure that Edward will be here soon."

The door in the hall slammed. "Speaking of the devil." Jasper sang as she stood up.

"Hey, handsome," Alice chirped from behind the couch when Edward was at the door. "Welcome to barf central."

"Hi, Alice. Jasper," Edward said and made a beeline straight for me. He peeled Elizabeth from me, while giving me a quick kiss. "How's my girl?" He cooed and stroked her back. She whined, mumbling dada weakly.

"Sick as a dog." I sighed.

"How are you holding up? I got here as soon as I could," he murmured, while studying my face with those striking and sympathetic eyes.

I didn't answer, just let out a slow telling breath.

"We're out," Jasper called and the door closed behind them.

I stared at him, while muddling through the fog in my mind. "Weren't you supposed to be at the show?" I glanced at the TV that Jasper had left on a news channel.

"It finished filming about an hour ago. I skipped the after party. I had better places to be," he said softly, as he took in Elizabeth's ashen face. His gaze shifted to me. "You go to bed. I got her."

"I'm fine."

Edward cocked a brow at me.

"Okay, maybe not fine, but I'll manage."

"No, you won't. Bed." He ordered softly. "I'll take care of this baby and you take care of the one inside you. Sorry to say, but you look a mess and you should get some sleep."

"Edward." I sighed and smiled. He was so bossy.

"Bed," he whispered sweetly. He kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his suit jacket, while Elizabeth was fisting her fingers into his hair laying her head on his shoulder.

I did what I was told and for a few minutes I listened to his soothing voice as he sang to her in the living room. It was late in the evening. I closed my eyes when my stomach started churning and I knew that I needed something to eat to settle it. However, I ignored it and let myself drift into unconsciousness. I woke about three hours later feeling like my stomach was turned inside out. I really should have eaten. Having morning sickness and being hungry was like a crime and punishment came instantly. It made the queasiness unbearable.

I tiptoed through the dimly lit living room, noticing that Edward was slumped down on the couch. His head had fallen back awkwardly and to the side, while his mouth was slack. He was sleeping. I gazed down at Elizabeth's unusual pale face and her chalky lips as she was resting in his arms. She was finally sleeping. However, there seemed to be no improvement with her. The coffee table was littered with wipes, half chewed crackers, and several pink sippy cups filled with juice, water or milk. He had been trying to get some fluids into her.

I scoured the kitchen for some fruits and bread and ate while standing at the counter. I finished off with a Popsicle needing something cold to ease the nausea that made the room spin before going back to Edward.

I gently grazed his shoulder and he woke with a startle. He drew a sharp breath. "You shouldn't sleep like that. You'll throw your neck out," I whispered, trying not to wake Elizabeth. "I can take over now."

He rubbed his face with one hand, while groaning lightly. He checked his watch. "That's okay. Get some more sleep, baby." He slumped down on the couch with Elizabeth still clutched in his arms. He closed his eyes.

I turned out the light and ventured back to my room.

I was woken up not long after when Edward switched the light on and placed Elizabeth on the bed. She was crying again. I was instantly blinded by the harsh light and tried to shield my eyes. "Can you take her? I need a shower," he said, as I rubbed my eyes trying to get rid of the grogginess. I took him in and saw that Elizabeth had vomited all over his shirt and down his pants. He was covered in goo from his chest down. Oh no. Welcome to parenthood. I scrambled in bed, while picking her up and trying to settle her again. I changed her clothes while Edward showered.

The night continued in the same manner with one of us walking her, so she would feel a little better. By noon the next day, she finally seemed to improve and was asking for crackers. Well, not really asking as much as whining. The vomiting had finally stopped. Edward and I were both out cold on the bed with our faces burrowed into the pillows. One little creature had literally taken down two grown-ups and left us feeling like the dead.

Alice took over watching Elizabeth for a few hours, so we could get some much needed sleep. She was adamant that she wouldn't catch anything. I had more or less been awake for sixty hours with just a few short naps. Edward wanted me to sleep more and take better care of myself, but I just couldn't when my girl was feeling so sick. Unfortunately by nightfall, Edward had been in the bathroom for hours.

I kept stroking Elizabeth's hair when she was resting in my arms. She was doing far better, but she still pretty bombed from the retching stomach bug. Her energy was drained from her body. For probably the tenth time, Edward's phone went off in my room. It irritated me and I couldn't ignore it any longer. I let the baby rest beside me on the couch and ventured to find Edward.

In the bathroom, he was literally hugging the toilet looking like hell. Sprawled long and lean on the floor in his pajama bottoms and shirt, he looked kind of frail. His normal flawless and pale skin was damp, covered with a sheen of sweat. His eyes were dull and his complexion a startling and indecisive gray. He groaned and hugged his stomach.

"Your phone keeps ringing," I said gently and crouched down beside him. He refused to leave the bathroom and sleep in our bed. He didn't want to give me the stomach bug too. I tried to explain that there wasn't much to be done because I had already been exposed to it, but he wouldn't listen.

"I don't want to talk to anyone." His voice was rough and gritty. Edward's face distorted as he pulled himself up and vomited once more. He was too distressed to even care that I was watching. I smiled mildly. This was like how we first met. However, I was the one puking my guts out. Quickly, I rinsed a washcloth under the cold spray at the sink, before I wiped his forehead. He looked utterly exhausted and let out quiet a moan, while slumping back onto the floor. I placed a glass of water in front of him to rinse his mouth out then I flushed the toilet. The harsh smell was making my own queasiness worse. However, my uneasiness wasn't the stomach flu.

"Mind if answer it?"

"Do whatever. I don't give a shit." I knew that he didn't mean to sound so cold, but looking at his waxy face that looked like it needed to be scraped from the floor with a spatula, I understood him.

"I'll handle it."

"Thanks," he barely murmured and closed his eyes.

I felt so sorry for him. He had been awesome with Elizabeth, helping out with everything and now he was being punished for it. It didn't feel fair, but I guessed it was the hazards of having sick kids. The shit was contagious.

I sank my teeth into the apple hoping to settle my stomach. The nausea was increasing with each passing day.

"You look like you've been through the wringer," Jasper said and wisely kept a wise distance from me.

"Yeah," I murmured.

"Edward's got it bad, huh?" Alice stated more than asked. "A lot worse than you. You're still standing opposed to him. He's seriously the color of a frog." He'd been forced to leave the bathroom for ten minutes, so they could finish for bed.

"Guess that I got lucky," I lied and faked a smile. I didn't let her know that the stomach bug wasn't ailing me, instead this was just your average round of morning sickness. The classic music of Edward's phone's ringtone sounded again. I escaped to my room to answer it.

I flipped the phone open and a male voice basically barked at me before I could say a word. "Edward, where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here two hours ago."

"Uh…"

"Edward?" The man said more gently now.

"Excuse me, but who is this?" I asked carefully.

"Jenks."

I drew a sigh of relief. I knew that Edward trusted this man. "This is Bella." I paused hoping for some sort of recognition.

"Miss Swan. It's nice to meet you, so to speak. I heard a lot about you." His voice wasn't as brisk anymore. "Can I speak to Edward please?" He asked nicely, but straight to the point.

"Um, he is indisposed at the moment."

"Indisposed?" He asked confused.

"Yeah, he's feeling a little under the weather." Well, that was an understatement of the year. It looked more like he was ready take a large shot of dopamine and leave this world for a good few days. I couldn't blame him.

"He's sick?"

"Very."

"Hmm, Edward never gets sick."

"Well, he is now," I countered snidely. I quickly straightened my tone. "Where was he supposed to be?"

"At a movie premiere plus doing some interviews."

"Oh." Since I was exhausted, that was about all I could conjure up. "Well, if he has any other arrangements for the next few days, I think you should cancel them. He's pretty out of it."

Jenks laughed, sounding all throaty like a chain smoker. "Edward's never taken a sick day in his life."

"He has now."

"I see. How long do you think he needs?"

"At least a few days."

"I'll clear his schedule."

"Thank you, Mr. Jenks." I mouthed and took another bite of the apple.

"You're welcome, Ms. Swan. By the way, I have some papers for you to sign when you get the chance." I nodded, knowing full well that he couldn't see that over the phone. "I'm looking forward to meeting you in person," he said kindly.

"Me too." I answered and hung up, before I went back to check on Edward again.

The next three days, we mainly spent in bed… sleeping. No one had energy for anything remotely active. Besides the fact, we had a doctor's appointment.

oooooOOOOooooo

"You sure that ice cream is big enough for you there?" I asked innocently. Emmett made a point to shove an entire scoop of vanilla into his mouth. Since Emmett had been signed with the Jets, he had been so lavish and had taken Elizabeth and me out for ice cream – Twice. He was such a gentleman, but it was strangely the only times that we had seen him. Usually he was not shy to crowd our apartment and empty the fridge, but lately, he hadn't. It was strange.

"We could loop around because I expect this will only be the first serving." He grinned at me. Then he winced from what I expected was a major ice cream headache.

"Slow down, Emmett," I snickered, looking at his face that contorted with sudden agony. I bent down while digging my spoon into my favorite flavor, strawberry, and held a mouthful out to Elizabeth. Her already sticky mouth opened and then she swallowed delightfully, smacking her lips loudly. She reached her hands out whining and I served another spoonful to her. She was back to her usual demanding and cute self.

"So how is Edward treating you?" Emmett asked when I stood up. I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment, waiting for the joke. It didn't come.

"He's very good to me. Why?" Edward was everything that I dreamed of all those months that we were apart. He was attentive, kind and loving. Sure, our last patch of time together was interrupted by the stomach flu and hardly romantic. Edward had still been groggy and pale faced when he left this time, but everything was good and neither one of us would let the separation get to us. That was probably because we both felt reassured that all was good.

Emmett nodded a few times. "Just making sure, but I'm glad to hear that. I like the bastard, but if he harms a hair on that innocent little head of yours or Elizabeth's, he'll be eating through a straw."

"Oh, Emmett. Tell me what you really think." I snickered. He just shrugged, looking all butch and pumped up on testosterone. Emmett was the brother that I never had. Deep down in my stomach, I knew that he would walk through fire for Alice and us the same way that he would for Jasper.

"So how long is he gone for this time?"

"A few weeks, I suspect," I mouthed, as a dollop of icy and sweet strawberries melted in my mouth. Ice cream seriously helped with the nausea.

"Let me know if you need a date or something, if you get bored." Emmett offered generously.

"Thanks," I mumbled knowing that wouldn't be necessary, because every spare moment that I had, I spent sleeping. The second that Elizabeth closed her eyes at night, I did the same. "If you get bored, you could take out Alice and Jasper." I shrugged, while trying to change the subject because after 7 AM, I wasn't going anywhere, but to bed.

"Uh, yeah about that. If I didn't know my sister so well and that no guy in the world or could ever ring her bell, I would've thought Edward was trying to buy his way into a threesome with those two," Emmett laughed.

"You're disgusting!" I spat, before I glared at him. "What do you mean, 'buy his way'?"

"The wedding present. He really dropped a dime on that one."

It suddenly boiled inside of me with irritation. Jasper and Alice still refused to tell me where Edward was sending them. I just didn't see why they wouldn't. They were still such traitors. "You know about that?" I blurted.

"Sure I do. The girls told me." His eyes widened with mock surprise. "You don't?"

I growled under my breath. He knew that I didn't know.

"Oh Bells, you're so testy these days. Such a feisty little kitten. What the hell happened to the sweet and soft Bella?"

_She got freaking pregnant!_ A little monster inside my head screamed. Pregnancy hormones were already making my mood unpredictable and gave me a tendency to snap at people, basically leaving me in a perpetual state of PMS. "I'm still the same," I answered, trying to sound soft and hide the fact that I was lying through my teeth. I fisted my hand around the spoon, so I wouldn't put my hand to my stomach. I felt so bloated and my jeans were feeling like a straightjacket, but there was nothing to see yet.

"Hmm, no." Emmett grinned. "I advise you to take some Midol or perhaps Xanax. That vein in your forehead looks like it is about to pop."

I growled some more, before loading Elizabeth's mouth with ice cream to stop her from flailing around in the stroller wanting more. I pushed my irritation back, knowing I was being completely irate. "So you think Edward's okay?" I asked, though I didn't exactly need his approval. I was dying to know what Emmett thought and how they were getting along. They were both such important people to me.

"Yeah, he's cool. A bit too pretty for my tastes, but generally kind of awesome."

"So how was it going to that benefit with him?"

"It was fun, but talk about a crowd that knows ass kissing by instinct. Seriously Bella, you would think that he was some kind of price bull with spunk made of gold the way those people treated him. People were like bees to honey and the chicks... I have to say, that boy has some charms. I am telling you..."

"I'd rather you didn't, Emmett," I answered somberly, stopping his tirade. I was hardly unaware that Edward and I lived in different worlds, perhaps not even the same planet.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. I promise you that he was nothing more than icily polite to all of them. Forget that I even said anything."

"Forgotten." I mumbled, lying. "So you met Rosalie?"

"Sure did," he answered suddenly all excited, but quickly masked his smile chewing off a lump of the cone. What was that look on his face?

"What's she like?"

Emmett cocked a brow at me. "Are you snooping?"

"Desperately."

"She's cool too." All of a sudden Emmett seemed too nonchalant, too indifferent, too… strange. Something was off with him.

"Edward's type?" I prodded, hoping to hide the blush the crept into my cheeks. I was just desperate to know what Emmett's point of view was about her. That may be skewed, but maybe Emmett could reveal the secret that was Rosalie Hale for me and help me get over this jealousy that I felt towards her.

"Strangely, no. Sure, they were polite to each other and smiling for the cameras, but nothing more than that. I can actually see why he never got his rocks off with her." I closed my eyes and sighed. Emmett probably wasn't the right person to go to after all. I suddenly stared at him stunned.

"How did you know that?"

"Know what?" Emmett wouldn't even look at me when he answered.

"About Edward and Rosalie. Oh, God! Please don't tell me that you talked to Edward about… that." My face got hot and I was mortified. How embarrassing was this? Somehow, it was so Emmett for him to know about everybody else's sex life. It was like he was a magnet for it.

"Uhm, Rose told me," he murmured.

I raised my brows at him. Why on earth would she tell him something like that? "Rose? So, now it's Rose?" She was mingling her way into my life from that angle now too? Now, she was more than just Edward's ex? She was buttering up Emmett too? I was starting to hate that little monster in my head and her snarky and envious attitude.

"Oh, you jealous little minx." He grinned loudly. I groaned defeated. "Look, Bella. Rose is… uhm, a good person. I get her. So what if Edward never laid his grubby hands on her… unless, you wanted to have a threesome?" I was about to throw my ice cream at him in frustration and fury. What the hell was with him and threesome's? "I just stuck my foot in my mouth, didn't I?" He asked. I nodded relieved. Maybe, there was hope for him to see this entire absurd conversation from my perspective. "Sorry, but you know me. I say shit, but I don't do it to be mean."

"I know. That's how we put up with you." I shrugged.

"Put up with me? I'm offended." He pouted. His insulted face was faux as his eyes glinted with humor.

I chose to leave the subject alone because I feared my monster and me wouldn't be able to take more information about Rosalie Hale in a calm and composed demeanor. "Does it bother you that Edward is… uhm, well know?" I couldn't even bring myself to say famous. It sounded so… phony. Weird. Emmett laughed loudly and dug into his melting ice cream.

"Uhm, well, when I first learned that his mug was on a poster in all teenage rooms and young girls apparently had wet dreams about him, I had no clue who he actually was, so I googled him. The fact is that it doesn't make any difference to me that he may be Mr. Hot Right Now, because he has always just been Elizabeth's dad to me. That's how I got to know him, so that is what he is to me. However, after going to that _'flash my cash'_ show, I kind of understand your trepidation about the fame thing."

"Good to know. Thanks, Emmett." I was glad that we saw eye to eye on that detail. I feared that very public side of his more than giving birth again. I was glad that we lived in oblivion.

"Don't mention it, Bells." He hooked his arm around me and gave me a slight squeeze. That brotherly warm gesture was exactly what I needed. My monster stayed quiet.

oooooOOOOooooo

I didn't open my eyes to answer the phone. Blindly, I tapped the nightstand for it. I'd slept all night, but it still felt like I could and should be unconscious for days to come. "Hello," I grumbled.

"Sorry, baby, did I wake you?" Edward's voice was soft and warm.

"Yeah." My face was still deeply burrowed into the pillow, like it had been glued to the sheets.

"You want me to call back later?"

Reluctantly, I pulled back one eyelid leaving a tiny slit open, so I could see my alarm clock. Oh no. "That's okay. I have to get up now anyway."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm pregnant," I snarled sardonically. Oh, there was that little monster again with her snotty attitude and apparently my lips were her mouthpiece. She was never far away.

"Bella…" Edward's voice was a soft whisper.

"Sorry. I'm just really tired and feeling sick to my stomach."

"I know, baby. It'll get better soon." He said kindly. I grated my nerves and grinded my gears. First of all, he didn't know that for sure. Second of all, he was not the one contemplating if a trip to the bathroom would alleviate this dark cloud of nausea. I groaned.

"I hope so," I mouthed, peeling my face from the pillow and sat up. "How are you doing?" I asked and battled a chunk of tangled hair. I had gone to bed last night not bothering to blow dry or comb it out because all I wanted was to sleep. I was paying for that now.

"Same old. Bored stiff. Missing my girls. It's getting a little repetitive doing the same shit every day. I think that I'm about to throw a fit the next time that I hear '_yes of course, Mr. Cullen'_," Edward mimicked.

I laughed. "When you come home, I'll make a point of bitching at you over asinine stuff all the time. I'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy. I am telling you that I don't even have to try." I rolled my eyes.

"Hormones?" I could sense his smile. I imagined his beautiful face.

"Yep." I muttered dryly. "Big time."

"Anything that I can do to make it better?"

"I can think of something…" I mouthed playfully, while trying to sound seductive. I failed horribly.

"Yeah, me too." His voice was suddenly all sultry and sweet and making heat flare in my stomach. We hadn't really had a chance to be intimate since the wedding. I missed it. Perhaps, getting laid would actually be able to quench some of the wrenching nausea.

"I'll hold you to it." I yawned, probably killing the mood.

Edward laughed really heartfelt. "Go take a shower, Bella. That might wake you up. I'll call you tonight after dinner."

"Thanks." I paused. "This separation thing is getting easier."

"Mmm, I think so too. But it won't be for much longer. When I come home next time, you get to boss me around for at least a few weeks."

I smiled hugely. "I love the sound of that and I love you."

"Me too." His voice was sincere and warm. It was an unbelievably nice way to start my day. I could get used to his.

I dragged myself out of bed and managed to get to the shower without falling asleep. I took Elizabeth with me to work. I was hoping that I got a chance to be productive. The day was unusually slow. I had a strange premonition that something bad was hanging over my head, like the calm before a storm hit.

Angela and her kind smile arrived at two o'clock, but her eyes were sad. "You okay?" I asked.

She shrugged sadly. "My boyfriend lost his job. Ben was really hoping for an internship with that paper, but instead they fired him."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." I pulled the trash bag out and knotted it.

"We'll bounce back. We always do," she said sweetly. I always loved her positive outlook on a bad situation. "So I was hoping that you might be able to give me some more hours."

"I'm not sure, Angela. I really wish that I could, but last month wasn't going so great. I'll think about it and have an answer for you by tomorrow. Okay?"

"Sure, Bella."

Angela threaded her long hair behind her ears and turned to the customer. Another Café Latte.

I put Elizabeth into the stroller and picked up the bag of trash to throw it in the dumpster on my way out.

The afternoon was a sunny, gentle and warm spring day. Turning the last corner to the apartment, I was chatting with Elizabeth aimlessly and listening to her babble that still made no sense. It was clear that she was learning to form words and getting familiar with the structure. She was getting so big so fast.

It hit me out of nowhere. Instantly, a heard of cameras with people pushing and screaming were surrounding us. It was like mayhem on coke and I was rendered helpless against their attack. It was the paparazzi and it was everything that I feared. Edward's world caught up to us.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Thanks for reading.**

**Please remember to Read Prima Nocte. It is the tale of what happened at the benefit, played out from Emmett's POV. I hope you'll like a peak into his head.**

_**Come find me on Twitter - thumannlegend**_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Many many thanks to my wonderful beta Dazzled eyes22. I hope you get a chance to catch some R&R soon. **

**AN:**

**Thank you very much to the people who added me to your alerts and commented. I love reading what I get.**

**A very special thanks to Chartwilightmom for bothering to comment on every single chapter of this story. I bow to you, you're so much fun.**

**Emmett is ghosting it… read Prima Nocte I'm posting on FF Net and figure out why.**

**Back to Bella and Edward… and the horde of reporters. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 28**

My heart felt like rabbits jack hammering away in my chest. What the hell had just happened? Though, I knew exactly what happened. Reporters! I felt like I was staring down the barrel of a gun.

I picked up Elizabeth who was screaming 'mama.' Her shrill cries filtered through the air like prickling pins. I shushed her and trying to calm her down. Outside, I could still hear the rumble of the agitated mob. I couldn't tell exactly how I had managed to push through them, but I had. I grabbed my purse, left the stroller and sprinted to our apartment. I wanted to Elizabeth to feel safe and sound, not like a guinea pig served up to the vultures. However, they had managed to take a lot of intrusive pictures of us. They knew who I was now. More importantly, how dare they frighten a child like that? I was revolted.

Beating the pain in my legs, I found the door unlocked and panic surged. Would they be so invasive and head inside our place? I closed the door behind me and sagged against the wall trying to regain my breath. I noticed a box and Jasper's bag on the floor. It was like her purse had vomited its contents all over the hardwood floor. Oh no!

"Jasper?" I called. No answer. "Jasper?" Tremors shook my voice. The thought of her having to go through that crowd downstairs was horrific. She wouldn't deal with it or even know how to. With Elizabeth clinging to me like there was no tomorrow, I rushed to Alice and Jasper's bedroom. Like I suspected, she was at home and rattled beyond rational comprehension. Her eyes were wide and terrified. Her hands were trembling so much that they were a huge blur. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Jasper? It's Bella." I tried to keep my voice very soft and not startle her. She didn't even look up. She was pushed deeply into a corner behind a dresser fiddling with her phone, punching buttons with no rhyme or reason. "Jasper?" I called louder.

"I… I… I…" she stammered or snorted. I wasn't sure which. Her eyes flickering like she was being hunted.

"It's okay." I tried to soothe.

"I can't… find… I can't find her number." Instantly, I knew what she was asking. She was trying to call Alice, but she was too messed up to actually make the call.

I crouched down in front of her carefully, balancing Elizabeth on my knee. She had completely stopped screaming and was just watching Jasper with big and curious eyes. "Let me." I carefully reached for her phone and dialed Alice. It didn't ring many times.

"Hey baby," Alice responded lightly. "I was just thinking about you."

"It's Bella," I answered, feeling my own adrenaline kick in once more. It was making my head spin. I hated the sudden silence. Alice knew something was wrong.

"Where is she? What happened?" She demanded immediately. Her voice was leaking thickly with worry. I knew perfectly well about her fears of losing Jasper.

"She's okay. However, I think it's best that you come home now. We're at home." I clarified.

"Promise me that she's okay," Alice breathed, her exhale sounded shaky.

"She's okay, but a little scared. I think she needs a hug. Uhm, Alice, when you come home, there are a lot of… uh… reporters downstairs."

"Reporters?" The silence stretched. "Oh!"

"Yeah," I muttered. This was what I feared. Over the phone, I could hear a door slamming and her heels clicking at a vast pace down a hall. She was on her way.

"I'll see you in ten." She hung up. Ten minutes for Alice to get here was a bit optimistic, but I had my suspicions that she would manage within that timeframe when it evolved Jasper.

I looked at Jasper again. Her eyes were still wide from fear, but at least her hands had stopped trembling so fiercely. "Alice is coming home," I said. She nodded a bit before hauling in a deep calming breath trying to compose herself. I settled on the floor, reached for her hand, and held it. I hoped to soothe her, but knowing only Alice could really do that.

We didn't say much. I just ran my fingers over the back of her hand while we waited for Alice. Elizabeth's warm cheek was still nuzzled into the crook of my neck, but she was breathing calmly now. I peered down at her, when her little chubby hand suddenly mirrored mine and she clumsily patted Jasper's hand too.

"That's it, sweetie. Help Jasper feel better," I cooed.

Jasper smiled a little. That was an improvement.

"Is Jacker crying?" Elizabeth looked up at me with confusion etched into her eyes. I was stunned at her words and her sudden ability to show empathy.

"Yes, Jasper is a little sad. It's okay, sweetie." I murmured. I hoped that I wasn't laying too much weight on her that her small shoulders were far too young to handle. Her soft form suddenly crawled from my lap and she padded out of the room. Befuddled, my eyes met Jasper's before I looked at towards door searching for Elizabeth. About a minute later, she shuffled back into the room and jammed her favorite teddy right into Jasper's face.

"Duckie." Elizabeth smiled and a dropped back in my lap.

A silence stretched over us as we both stared at this tiny young girl who baffled us by having so much heart. My eyes glassed over with tears.

"You'll let me borrow Duckie? Thank you, sweetheart. You're such a precious girl." Jasper theatrically hugged the teddy and wiped the last tears on her sleeve. Elizabeth beamed and looked innocently up at me.

The front door slammed minutes later. Alice called out and ran on instinct for the corner where we were huddled. "Oh, baby." Her voice was filled with a warmth that could melt the sun. Her bag was thrown aside as she rushed over and crouched down at the same moment that Jasper threw herself into her arms. Jasper melted into Alice. The sobbing started all over again, but this time, I knew it was from relief and not fear. I could see the calm washing over Jasper like a tidal wave. I watched this intense hug for a moment, before I was able to remove myself and give them some space.

"God, what mayhem," Alice practically spat, while glancing back at me as I left the room. "You okay, Bella?"

My automatic response was to answer yes, so that was what I did. By the way my stomach suddenly churned, the real answer was a big fat screaming no! I closed my arms tighter around Elizabeth leaving their room. I settled her on the quilt with her toys hoping to hide the fact that I was suddenly choking on sobs and trying to hold it together for Elizabeth. I was walking on a knife's edge.

In the hall, I dug my phone out of my bag. Now, it was my hands that were shaking like a leaf. The damn phone just kept ringing and ringing. I was about to hang up when a sleeping angel answered in a husky voice.

"Hello?"

"Edward, I need you to come home." I sobbed at the sound of his voice. Unbidden tears washed down my face and I couldn't seem to stop them.

"Bella?"

"Please, Edward. Come home to me." I wasn't sure whether my words were understandable or not. I was snorting heavily.

"What happened, sweetheart?" He asked softly. "Oh, shit no! We're not having a miscarriage, are we? Please don't tell me that you're bleeding." Now, he was panicking.

"No." I hiccupped. "The paparazzi are here. There's so many of them, Edward. They are at the front door. They scared Elizabeth half to death and they really did a number on Jasper."

"Oh no. I'm so sorry. Is Elizabeth okay? Tell me that she's fine."

"Yeah, she's right here. She's playing with her giant Legos. When can you come home?"

"Oh, thank god. I'll be home in ten hours or fifteen, tops. Look, I'll call Jenks now and get him to come over and give you some protection. Call Emmett too. I don't want you guys to be alone." He paused. "And er… tell Jasper that I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to her."

"I will. Please hurry." The click of the phone sounded like thunder and the silence that followed was deafening. Why did this have to happen when he wasn't here?

"Oh, Bella." Alice's voice was gentle and soothing, when she found me hiding out in the hall trying to hold just some of my tears. She hugged me warmly. "Is Edward coming?"

"Yeah." I snorted. "Late night or tomorrow." I just knew that amount of time would move at a snail's pace.

"You hungry? I was going to make something to eat for Jasper." I nodded and cracked a smile for her. Alice's way of easing tension was often to feed people. It usually helped.

Alice went back to the kitchen and started rummaging through the fridge taking things out. Jasper's face was swollen from crying, but the tears had stopped coming. I just hung around them focusing on keeping calm. You could faintly hear the hum of the reporters huddled outside our front door. It made me anxious.

"What are you doing home so early, baby?" Alice asked starting to crack some eggs into a bowl. It looked like she was going for a cheese omelet with mushrooms. Yum! The monster in my head approved. Besides, the little nudger in my stomach would approve of anything edible. I was suddenly starving, but I hadn't exactly missed lunch. I popped the button in my jeans discreetly as they were starting to feel too tight.

Jasper chewed the inside of her cheek, looking suddenly saddened. She hoisted herself to the counter and twirled her phone in her hands. "I er… I got fired today."

"You…what?" Alice spat.

"Management was restructuring?" She shrugged. "I'm so sorry, baby. One disaster hardly comes alone, I guess."

"Why would they fire you? You're the best they got." Alice was angry, but not at Jasper, that much was clear.

"Mr. Marcus sold the company. The new owner wanted to make some improvements, so I got restructured." She paused. "It's logical really. I haven't been back at the company for that long after my leave of absence and before that, my body of work was hardly impressive because of my head being all messed up. So, I would fire my ass too with those credentials." Jasper shrugged once more, feigning indifference.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, sweetie," Alice said quietly and stepped over to Jasper. She gently took her phone from her hands, while placing it on the table. She then laced her fingers into Jaspers. "Their loss, honey." Alice leaned in and kissed her gently.

Jasper pulled back, looking softly at Alice. "What about the money?"

I looked away, feeling this was a private moment just for them. Though, I knew financially Jasper and Alice didn't have much money left at the end of the month, probably due to her depression and not working for a while. Besides, what the hell was it with people getting the pink slip these days? First, Angela's boyfriend and now Jasper? Today just didn't seem to be able to get any worse!

"We'll figure it out. We have before." Alice encouraged sweetly. "I'm sure something will come along soon. If not, you can come and work with me." She smiled sweetly. "I wouldn't mind looking at you all day." I knew there was a dirty undertone to that sentiment. I ignored it studiously, because low and private sounds once again emerged from their room late at night,.

"Uhm, I could cover next month's rent," I offered tentatively. I knew paying their rent meant that Angela wouldn't be getting any extra hours and I wouldn't get more time with Elizabeth. Sacrifices had to be made. I just wished that I could manage both and not sell one of them short.

"That's awfully nice of you, Bella, but that hardly seems fair," Jasper said and frowned.

"Well, it would be more like Edward paying rent than me," I muttered. The balance in my private account had received a boost by a deposit of five grand. Sure, initially, they'd been tagged for Elizabeth, but now that I wasn't a single parent anymore, I was not accepting that money from him. It was just a hurdle that hadn't been crossed yet.

We left the disagreement alone and Alice finished the food. Sitting down to eat and ignoring the increasingly large mob downstairs. There was a sudden knock on the door and we all tensed.

"I'll get it," Alice said and stood up. She was handling this far better than I was. I heard a male voice and then Alice came back into the room. "It's for you, Bella. Some lawyer named Jenks and about three hundred pounds of muscle."

I ventured into the hall to meet the man who was important to Edward. "Come on in, please." I gestured, but only the elderly man with a seriously receding hairline entered. "Felix, I trust you with the door," he said pointedly. I remembered him. He was the security guy that Edward had used earlier. The giant next to the man nodded, but said nothing before descending the stairs again and clearly taking up space at the front door.

"I apologize for the intrusion, ladies." Jenks said when he took in the sight of the food and the set table. "I won't take up much of your time, Ms. Swan." He glanced quickly at Elizabeth, who was banging her fork into the table, and Jasper, who was trying to get her to quiet the racket. "She certainly does look like Edward," he murmured, like he was talking to himself.

"She does," I agreed.

"Anyway. Is there a place we can talk?"

I motioned for the couches in the living room. In the midst of the turmoil, I completely forgot my manners and just sat staring at the man, who carried himself with a boatload of authority. He took out a letter size envelope from a fancy leather briefcase.

"I spoke to Edward and he said it was imperative that I saw you today. I'm sorry to see that you need protection. Edward had hoped to avoid this. However, several things need to be settled. First of all, here is Elizabeth's passport. You're going to need that. Also, I took the liberty of bringing the custody papers I need you to sign. I know today is not the best time for this, but I'm not sure when we get a chance to meet again. The document doesn't say anything you haven't already read and approved. It only a formality so the joint custody can be finalized. Besides that, you need to sign this additional document saying you have received a copy of Edward's living will. He wants you to know what it says."

My head felt foggy and my brain was like mush when flipped through the paper work, checking things were as we agreed. I put the pen to the dotted line and signed my name.

"Now that is in order, Edward should be here in about eight hours and Felix downstairs is not leaving until you do. I advise that you do not step outside because it would make keeping you safe a bit precarious."

"I understand," I answered quietly, since I had absolutely no plans of stepping outside for even a second. "Mr. Jenks. How did they find out?"

"Edward's name was added to Elizabeth's birth certificate. Nothing is sacred in Hollywood," Mr. Jenks answered apologetically.

"I see."

Jenks stood up. "Just remember to keep your chin up. Edward knows how to handle situations like this, but if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me." He handed me his fancy embossed business card. "Good day, ladies." He nodded politely at Jasper and Alice, who were gaping in the kitchen. Talk about polished and perfect manners.

Jenks let himself out. I just stared at the copy of Edward's living will left on the coffee table. I decided now was definitely not the time to read it. I couldn't deal with anything else today.

Now, there was just the wait until he got here. The hours couldn't possibly move any slower. I took my time bathing, cuddling and dressing Elizabeth, before choosing the longest bedtime story that I could possibly find for her. She was asleep before I hit page three, but I took my time and finished anyway.

I really had nothing to do now, but wait.

I tried calling Emmett again, but there was still no answer. It was so strange with him these days. Jasper had been calling all day as well with the same fruitless result.

Together, we watched Titanic. It seemed like an apt movie given the tragic events of the day, so why not end it with some more turmoil. Alice sat with her computer in her lap, probably working on designs. Jasper was curled up on the end of the couch with a blanket over her. She looked about ready to go to sleep, but I knew that she was just waiting for Alice.

"Boyfriend just landed at JFK," Alice said suddenly. Lately, neither Jasper nor Alice said Edward. He was always referred to as 'boyfriend' for some reason.

"You do not know that." I checked my watch. The time seemed about right though.

"I do." She shrugged. I inclined a brow at her. "Twitter," she said as a way of explaining. I rolled my eyes. A minute later, my phone beeped with a text.

_Just got off the plane. Jenks is picking me up now. See you soon. Love you._

The virtual world of Twitter was actually faster than the person himself. Impressive! I slumped back on the couch, while trying to keep composed until he got here. The crowd of people outside our front door had only increased during the day. It made us anxious, but there was nothing that we could do about it. If I could, I would vanish into thin air until the news got old and died. I just couldn't deal with it right now.

Groggily, I dragged my lids back at the sound of his voice. "Hey, gorgeous," he whispered. A wave of ease dragged all the damaging anxiety away from my body. He was here. Edward was home. He was kneeling besides the couch and I reached for him. I needed the consolation that only he was able to offer me. I was desperate for the embrace that he didn't hesitate to offer. I just clung to him without saying a word. His love and warmth was exactly what I needed.

I pulled back, noticing that the TV was off and Jasper was also asleep. Her form was curled up and her mouth slack. Her breathing was effortless. It was such a contrast to her panic attack earlier. In our little world at home she was doing fine, but out in the world she was fragile.

The coffee table was littered with sketches and pens. Alice's computer was open with what looked to be fabric prints. She'd been working. I heard some banging with the cupboards in the kitchen.

"You just got here?" I mumbled, feeling his mere presence soften the tensed muscles in my body.

He nodded. "How are you feeling?" He gently eased his hand over my belly, while stroking me.

"Okay. It's not too bad today," I murmured. His eyes radiated sadness, but it was like he was trying to cloak it.

His hand went to my side and slipped over my hip. "These jeans are way too tight for you now." He paused. His exhale was shaky. "When you called today… you really scared me." The low and strained tenor of his voice was disarmingly honest.

"I'm sorry. I was a bit hysterical."

"I understand. I know how to handle with the rats down the front door, but if we lost what's in here…" he tapped two fingers lightly at my stomach. "I wouldn't know how to deal."

"Oh, Edward." I mused and curled my fingers into his silky hair. "We're both fine," I answered.

"I'm so thankful that you're safe."

I smiled. "You want to see Elizabeth?"

"Already did. She's sleeping. I didn't want to wake her. She's had enough trouble for one day."

"She was a trooper. She really was, Edward."

"Well, she is your daughter," he said softly, while moving his hand to stroke my forehead.

"And yours too," I countered. He leaned in to kiss me. His mouth felt heavenly on mine.

"Here you go," Alice said, having no qualms about interrupting this blissful moment. I wanted to growl at her, but then I looked at the plate that she set on the table. She was feeding Edward too. How sweet.

"Thank you so much, Alice," Edward mused and sat down at my feet. "Airplane food turns my stomach." He dug into the sandwich with what seemed to be a ferocious appetite.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked as he chewed hastily.

"Yesterday morning, I think," he answered and shrugged it off when I glowered at him. Forgetting to eat was never a good thing.

"Hey, boyfriend," Jasper croaked before she caught herself. "Edward," she amended quickly and stretched on the couch, before huddling into the pillow again. "You got some work done?" she asked Alice, who nodded.

"A lot actually. It's surprisingly easy to work with you two snoring like freight trains," Alice mocked.

Edward cleared his throat to intercede. "Jasper, I'm so sorry about what happened today. I really didn't think it would happen like this," Edward said, his voice was grave and consolatory. I stared at him, while thinking that was a bit naïve. How else would news like this implode?

"It's okay. I'll get over it," she mouthed. "It'll probably make me stronger in the long run. So what are you two going to do now?"

I had no clue. I turned to Edward, who apparently knew exactly what was going to happen. "We need to leave for a while. I won't have Elizabeth or Bella here in this chaos."

"We're leaving?" I blurted stupidly.

"Yes," he answered without further explanation. My head was still a bit groggy from sleep. I wasn't sure now was the time to get into an argument about him pulling the rug from under me. Besides getting hormonally bent out of shape, I had to acknowledge that he knew how to deal with this and I didn't. Edward seemed lost in thought suddenly as he slowly set the plate back on the table. "Actually, I have an idea," Edward said carefully. "Until this shit-storm settles, I won't have my family near those money grubbing fuckers. I know where we're going, but how about you guys came too? It would get you all away from this craziness."

"I don't think so. Besides, we don't have the money for that," Alice refused immediately.

"Especially not now." Jasper filled in, and glanced sadly at Alice.

"You kind of do. You already have the tickets," Edward countered. Somehow, innuendoes were laid on so thickly that I couldn't help, but feeling totally out of the club of the cool kids that were in on all the gossip.

They both blinked. Jasper inclined her head. "Oh, that's actually not a bad idea."

"We can't just pick up and leave," Alice frowned.

"Well, I for one am unemployed now and have nothing better to do. You're sketching your new collection and planning it out on paper. There's no reason that you couldn't do that there. You can bring your work with you. I could help you with whatever you'll need."

Alice batted her lashes at Jasper. "I like the way your mind works. Perhaps, it would be good to get some inspiration from somewhere completely new. Besides, I wouldn't mind getting you away from this too."

"See," Jasper smiled gloatingly.

I cleared my throat and decided now would be a great time to air my concerns, because as idyllic as a getaway sounded, it wasn't plausible for me at all. "What about the store, Edward? I can't just close up for weeks. I'll go bankrupt."

"I know. Uhm… isn't there anything you can do? I mean that place will be infested with reporters by tomorrow. It will be a while before this settles down."

"I only have Angela."

Edward sighed, looking exhausted. "Can you think about it while I take a shower?" He kissed my cheek before he picked up his bag and strode for the bathroom. Alice and Jasper chatted while my mind was reeling. Would my life ever just be calm and quiet again? I knew that I would always choose Edward, but I seriously hoped the press would be merciful with us. Though, I figured that would actually be a long shot. The outlook of having lost our freedom was about to haul me into a pool of depression.

With little time to think, I quickly saw that I had all the pieces at my disposal to make this work. I knew that I needed to lean on Edward for this, but also sacrifices had to be made whether I wanted to or not. That was just how life worked in all its gritty fun and glory.

Quickly, I stumbled off the couch and slipped into the bathroom where Edward was just stepping out of the shower. "Edward. I think that I found a solution, so that we can leave." I reached for a towel in the vanity and handed it to him, before I sat down on the lip of the tub.

"Yeah?" He prompted enthusiastically. He roughly friction dried his hair, leaving it in an utter state of chaos, before dragging the towel down his chest, stomach and going to his thighs. I lost my train of thought for a moment, while virtually eating him up. I had missed him so much. I gathered my thoughts quickly and snapped out of my reverie.

"You offered to help out once." I wasn't really comfortable with the solution, but it was probably the only way out of this. He nodded with his brows knitting together. "If it's okay… maybe you could help me out financially, so I could hire some extra help. That way, all our opening hours would be covered. I wouldn't be able to afford it on my own, but if you covered the expenses for the extra help, we should be fine. We could leave then."

"You didn't read the will, did you?" He asked, as he fished his toothbrush out of his bag. He squirted some toothpaste on the bristles and started brushing his teeth completely cavalier to the mention of that document.

"No," I squirmed a bit. That envelope was still on the coffee table and was stuck underneath some of Alice's sketches. It was like the thing had eyes and had been staring at me all night. I almost felt like it was burning a hole in my brain, while begging me to read it.

"I figured that you'd put it off," he said around a cloud of white froth. He spat once then continued brushing and talking at the same time. "But of course, I'll cover the expenses. I was just surprised that you asked," he mumbled and smiled.

"I'm learning how to share," I said too sweetly. Edward grinned.

"That makes me happy."

"Spending money makes you happy? Well, in that case, you're actually paying next month's rent."

He stared at me through the foggy mirror, gaping a bit. "Do you take a check?" He mouthed playfully when he recovered. The toothbrush was still stuck in his mouth.

"Nah, I'm snagging the cash from the five grand that's feeling ignored and bored in my account."

"That is for you and Elizabeth, Bella. It's not rent money," he admonished. He spat another round of toothpaste and rinsed his mouth out.

"I don't want your money, Edward. Well I do, but I don't." I frowned. I hoped that he was getting my point.

"Please don't say it, like taking my money is something disgusting. It's just a little spending cash. Indulge yourself."

My hormones took over and I couldn't help myself. It hadn't escaped my attention that Edward hadn't bothered to cover up and was still gloriously naked. My eyes swept down his utterly toned chest to the lines of his hipbone and...

Edward laughed. "That wasn't exactly what I meant, Bella." I flushed for a moment and closed my eyes waiting for the swirling blood in my cheeks to subside. "If I supply the money for an extra employee, you will go with me in the morning and leave this mess of a situation behind?" Hope was flaring in his eyes.

"Yes, Edward. And I won't even fuss about it."

"This day just got better. The money is yours." Edward picked up a pair of PJ bottoms, putting them on commando. Nice.

"I'll go call Angela. She'll be happy to know that her boyfriend just got a new job."

Picking up the phone, I knew that I would be waking Angela up. While dialing, I could hear Edward's faint voice as he was talking to Jenks on his phone. Jasper and Alice were hovering, after handing over their passports. They were probably in the process of booking tickets and making arrangements.

Angela's voice was disorientated when she answered. We spoke back and forth and I explained the entire predicament to her. As the sweetheart that she was, she told me not to worry and that Ben would love the work. We settled on a salary for the first four weeks and after that, we would see how the situation was panning out. It broke my heart that my store was practically taken away from me without my consent, but with the threat of the press hanging over our heads, all I could was to succumb to Edward's advice and leave it behind for now.

"I'm sorry you had to do that," Edward whispered into my ear and wrapped his arms around my waist hugging me from behind. His clean and freshly washed smell wafted past my nose. He smelled delicious. "I hate that my life gets in the way of what you love to do."

"I love you more."

His answering squeeze at my midriff was sweet and telling. "Me too. Everything is ready to go. I'm glad that Jasper and Alice chose to come too." He kissed my neck lightly, brushing sweet caresses on my skin. "Come to bed with me. We should get to sleep."

"I need to pack, Edward. First of all, I have no clue what to pack and second of all, traveling with a one year old is not as simple as you and your light backpack are used to."

"I'm sure that it's not. When it comes to packing, it's going to be very hot. You won't need much though because it's all been taken care of. What can I do to help?"

"You're still not telling me where we're going?" I leaned back into his embrace and laced my fingers into his that were on my stomach.

"You'll figure it out soon enough. Let's pack in the morning. Right now, I really want my beautiful and pregnant girlfriend to come to bed with me, so I can hold her and really know that she's okay," he whispered into my ear, It tingled down my spine.

"You're awfully good at persuading the innocent."

He snickered and pinched a tiny ripple of skin on my stomach. "I think that we both know you're hardly innocent. I'm usually the one persuaded." He removed his hand and slowly dragged my hair away from my shoulder. He gently traced his fingers up the column of my throat. "Tell me what to pack and you can sleep in tomorrow morning. I want you in bed because we have a very long journey ahead of us and you need the rest."

"You could just have said _please_, but I like the sound of _bed_. You make the simplest things sound so sexy."

His lips stretched into a smile, as they pressed against my throat. Controlling my body, making my feet move with his, he forced me to walk towards the bedroom. He didn't say anything, but his body spoke volumes. "Goodnight." I called over my shoulder, as I chose not to refuse being manhandled like this.

"Be nice, Bella," Alice chimed behind me. "Goodnight, boyfriend." Jasper and Alice called in unison and giggled at their inside joke.

My room was shrouded in darkness and filled with the slow rhythmical breathing coming from Elizabeth. Edward swiftly ridded himself of his shirt, before he reached for mine. I crawled into his arms and huddled under the sheets. He held me almost desperately to his chest. What we both needed most in the world was a little skin on skin and just the closeness of each other.

"I had this thought today. Well, it wasn't just today because it's been coming for a while now. Today just simply cemented it all. I'm quitting acting completely and not just holding off on signing on to more projects. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Edward, don't base such a big decision on one bad day. We can handle this."

"If it was just this one bad day, I would agree with you. Ever since I got you back and Elizabeth came into my life, I am so miserable when I'm away from you."

"I thought it was getting easier."

"It is in some ways, but it still doesn't mean that I am happy. I want something different from my life now. Tonight, I let Jenks know what I'm planning and he is canceling next week's promotional tour for me as we speak. I need to be here with you, especially now that the press is all over us like a bad suit. My family is my sole priority. This stretch of time when I was gone was the last one. I'm home to stay now, Bella."

"Oh, Edward." I mused and slipped in closer into his already tight embrace. "I didn't want to be a stick in the wheel in your life, but I am so happy that you've come to a decision that is right for you."

"It's right for us. I can't wait for us to get away from this and start living our life together."

"Tomorrow, we will."

"Tomorrow." He promised.

oooooOOOOooooo

The morning was chaos unfurling. Edward had let me sleep. Sure, Elizabeth was fed, bathed and dressed, but besides that, with Alice, Jasper and Edward packing, the entire apartment was like a whirling hurricane.

Time was moving forward swiftly and we were getting ready to leave. We were all excited to go, but the prospect of having to leave the apartment was weighing us down… especially Jasper.

Jasper was curled into a ball on the couch, basically looking like when she was sick. Her eyes were consumed with fear, hands tucked into her sleeves and she was silent as the grave. Alice had spent the last half hour trying to talk to sense into her.

All the bags were packed. Once more, Edward had proven just how efficient and experienced he was at packing as he just breezed through it. I stared at the one large backpack that I had bought when I fled home more than two years ago. It was now ready again, but this time it was for all of us. How he managed to get all that stuff crammed into it was a mystery to me. Though, it has some sense of déjà vu about that backpack. However, we were all ready to go and only waiting for Felix to arrive and offer us some much needed security to get out of our apartment. We were basically locked under house arrest. We were prisoners in our own home. I had waited for the storm to settle, but that didn't seem to be the case. The climate outside had only gotten worse after Edward arrived.

There was a sharp rap on the door and Jenks' mute cousin was here. It offered me some sense of relief. Edward was in all-business mode and handling everything in a sharp tone. There was no protesting his decision when he got like this. I guessed that I understood. He was stressed out just like we all were. So being all over the situation was his way of handing this stress. I ate to alleviate my nerves and upset stomach. Sadly, Jasper's way was to vanish into her own world.

"Bella, you take Elizabeth. Put this over her, so they can't see her." He threw a small blanket over to me and I magically caught it mid-air. I normally had no hand to eye coordination. I picked up Elizabeth and took a solid hold on her small body. She was filled with tension and her radar was picking up on the stress in the house. I folded the blanket over her, so she was completely shielded by my body and the cover. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up, cloaking my face.

"Felix, you shield Bella and Elizabeth. I'll take Jasper. Alice, you good?" He all, but barked the orders. Alice nodded silently, while throwing a worried glance at Jasper. Her fingers lingered on Jasper's shoulder with her thumb resting just at her neck and grazing her skin.

"Mr. Cullen, perhaps I should cover Ms. Whitlock?" Felix asked apprehensively.

"No. You're bigger than me and nobody lays a hand on either Bella or Elizabeth. You got that?" Mr. Muscle nodded. "No complete stranger touches Jasper." Edward gave me a small smile. I was grateful that he understood the Jasper situation perfectly. He was the only one here with whom she was comfortable enough to shield her.

Waiting in the hall, I was ready with Edward's small carry-on luggage on my back and Elizabeth in my arms when I noticed Edward and fell in love with him all over again. Alice was fidgeting at his side as he crouched down in front of Jasper and spoke softer than ever before. The hard commanding tenor was gone for now. "It's time to go. I know you can do this. You are so damn strong, Jasper. Ready?" She barely responded with a bob of her head. Edward carefully draped one of his zipped sweaters over her shoulders and helped her into the shirt. "I'll take care of you. You'll be safe all the way. I'm not going to let anyone touch you. Alice will be at your other side at all times. It's just a short walk from the door to the car, okay?" He zipped the sweater up, dwarfing her in the garment and pulled the hood up over her head, shielding her.

"Time to go, sweetheart." Jasper's shoulders trembled then she drew a deep breath and nodded with a little more effort. Alice held out her hand and pulled Jasper up from the couch.

This was it. It's time to go.

I was apprehensive as hell and it was hard to control my anxiety, but I maintained my focus on the car and getting to it without stumbling while still being fast.

I trotted down the stairs in a vast pace with Mr. Muscle shadowing me and leaving no space between him and me. I could hear Alice, Edward and Jasper right behind us. I paused shortly and stole a glance behind me. Edward had an arm draped around Jasper's shoulder, shielding her with his body and Alice on her other side. Alice didn't give a shit about the reporters. They couldn't get to her, but she was fiercely protective of her wife and her face showed exactly that.

Mr. Muscle pulled the door open and I tightened my arms around my daughter, practically choking her, but her soft arms around my neck were tight and she was scared. She didn't cry, but she was far from comfortable.

The world outside was ridiculous. It exploded into a myriad of screaming, calling names and flashing lights. I ducked my head down and let myself be led by the brawny man at my side. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and making it to the car. This was one of the most uncomfortable situations that I'd ever been in. There was no doubt that I would rather be in labor than this.

I threw myself into the back seat of the huge SUV really noticing how hard my heart was palpitating in my chest. My breath was ragged and shallow. Next to me, Jasper tumbled into the car, basically being pushed by Alice. I was glad the car was extremely spacious.

Edward slammed the door behind him closing out the white noise of the reporters. We all let out a sigh of relief. This shit was intense.

Everyone strapped in. I watched Alice wipe the tears on Jasper's cheeks. She was still trembling, all shook up and trying to regain her composure. This was terrifying for her.

Edward took my hand and kissed the back of my palm when the car started rolling. "Well done, baby," he murmured.

"I hate this," I wheezed, as my voice betrayed me. The aftermath of hustling my way through that crowd had my stomach in knots.

"Me too," Edward answered.

"How often are you exposed to this?"

"From time to time. There's not really much to do, but to sit it out. It will stop eventually."

"I don't want to live like this, Edward. I don't want to be followed, photographed or pegged on a stick for whatever I do."

He palmed my cheek and stroked my face, before treading his fingers into my hair. "You won't have to. Like I said, I'm quitting and this won't last forever."

"I sincerely hope not. I just need to learn how to ignore all of this."

He smiled warmly. "That's my girl." He paused. "Now, let's just board the plane and get out of this country."

I sat back and surrendered myself to the quiet purr of the car engine. It has a nice and calming effect on me.

"So where exactly are we going?" I asked after a while.

"You still haven't figured it out yet?" Edward smirked.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Would I ask if I had?"

He laughed. "Touché. Wait and you shall see. I think that you will like it."

"I'm with you and the rest of my family, there's nothing I won't like." I answered and leaned my head to his shoulder. He answered after a while.

"We're going back at the beginning, baby."

oooooOOOOooooo

**Remember to tell me what you think…**

**Prima Nocte, that's all I'm saying.**

**Thank you to the lovely ladies on Twitter, you all know who you are. You are all deranged and it is so much fun. **_**Come find me on Twitter - Elvirina_Nelly **_

**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**Can't look up, because I'm busy kissing the feet of my lovely beta Dazzled eyes22. This story wouldn't be the same without you. **

**A loud shout out to all that read and reviewed the previous chapter. It means the world to me that you take your time. **

**A/N**

**Edward and Bella running… Edward and Bella coming to a standstill. Read the chapter and I hope you enjoy it. I have been where they are personally, but I might have embellished a bit.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 29**

I had forgotten exactly how humid and suffocating the air in this specific part of the world was. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand after the sweat beaded and rolled down my face. I shielded my eyes from the fierce sun and it was only early in the morning.

The trip had been more than long, but being bumped up a class was still as relaxing as it was the last time that I traveled first class when going to Seattle. So flying to Thailand surrounded by this luxury was definitely something that I could get used to. From Bangkok, Edward had chartered a small private plane to bring us south, so now we were at the harbor waiting to board the boat to take us back to where it all began.

What pulled up next to the jetty wasn't a beaten down old ferry or the classic long tail boat, but what looked to be a spanking new speedboat.

Somewhere between the chaos leaving the apartment, hiding out at the private lounge at JFK and landing ourselves at this small harbor where we were mostly ignored Edward had calmed down completely. He started to relax and was all glorious smiles.

Elizabeth was padding about wearing a diaper and shirt and sporting a pink sunhat and a grin all over her face. Well, she had slept comfortably most of the way locked in her daddy's arms when he wasn't reading stories to her. She, as opposed to us, was not letting the grimy state that traveling always caused get to her. She was like the energizer bunny. It took a while for her batteries run out.

The boat elegantly approached and turned. Edward was ready at the dock, catching the rope that… Mr. Twong threw overboard. Rigging up the boat, Edward hauled our luggage aboard, then fished out a small life jacket and strapped Elizabeth into it. "There you go, sweetheart."

With my heart dancing in my chest, I stepped over the woodwork and landed wobbly on the deck.

"Miss Bella," Mr. Twong greeted me with utter surprise.

"Mr. Twong," I retorted lamely just as shocked as he was. Between car ride from the airport and here, I had figured out that we were going back to the resort where we had met, but for some reason, I hadn't take into account that logically it would be the same people that were here two years ago.

"How lovely to see you again," he almost sang in his strange accent. He looked exactly the same. His tawny skin was still deep and rich in color, only it appeared more weather beaten now. His eyes shifted back on Elizabeth. "She's your daughter?"

"Yes. She's Edward's and mine," I answered, trying to compose myself. He seemed just as lost as I was, as his gaze flitted back and forth multiple times. He swallowed and seemed to search for words. I had none.

"What a pretty little girl," he praised after too much silence.

"Thank you."

"We're all set to go. You can take her out now," Edward said, when both Alice and Jasper were safely aboard also.

The boat's engine roared like a monster and Mr. Twong aimed for the open water. Well, this was different than that last time I'd been traveling these waters. That had been the previously said beaten down old ferry that slowly hummed over the water and not like this beast plowing over the surface, leaving a sea of white froth in its wake.

"Edward?" I called over the noise. "Mr. Twong didn't have this boat the last time that we were here." It wasn't really a question.

"No, he most certainly didn't," he yelled back to me. He sat cross-legged on the deck with Elizabeth squealing joyfully in his lap. How could a one-year old enjoy this? Edward kept his gaze on me. It was alive and excited on a level that I wasn't sure that I completely grasped. It was like I was missing the punch line to some kind of joke.

"I'm guessing that you've been back here?" I yelled after a few beats of silence… well not silence.

"That would be one way of putting it." I could barely hear his voice over the thunder of the engine. I kept my gaze on him waiting for him to elaborate, but I found myself being ignored. He still wasn't going to give me the details. Ugh!

The ride took less time than with that rugged old ferry and we didn't have to pass through the town, but instead I found that we were going ashore directly at the Twong's resort. A long, fairly new jetty lay directly out from the beach greeting us.

Sure, for the past twenty-four hours, I had anticipated this was where we were headed, but I hadn't figured out how this would actually feel. My stomach was tied in knots and my heart was bouncing behind my ribs, while creating havoc in my chest. I couldn't help smiling. Would the Twong's be like I remembered it?

The place that I had fled to be left alone in my own private darkness had turned out to be where my life really began again. It was here that I figured out how to move on.

Nothing surrounding the place seemed to have changed one bit. The larger than life limestone cliffs still rose dramatically from the earth and the palm trees were still swaying very lightly afar on the shore. The picturesque white sand colliding with the intense blue surface of the ocean was still untouched. This was still paradise.

The only thing that seemed to have changed was the resort. From here, it looked different.

Leaving the boat, Edward had Elizabeth on his arm, while Mr. Twong tied up the craft. Alice and Jasper seemed tired, but I suspected their eyes were as wide as mine behind their sunglasses. The sun was severe and the heat was covering us like a thick blanket.

The jeans that I wore made me feel like I was walking through a bonfire and they were choking me around my midriff. I couldn't wait to get out of these clothes. Now, I could only hope Edward mastered the skill of not only packing the right things for himself, but also for Elizabeth and me. Suddenly, I longed to get settled, so I could take a dip into the ocean.

Closing in on the main building, it was suddenly abundantly clear what had changed. The small dingy huts were gone and replaced by larger bungalows, but still nothing that seemed to soil the calm and quiet of this paradise. The accommodations had simply been updated.

At the reception, there were still huge flowerbeds with colorful blossoming orchids. I glanced to the side in the direction of the dining area. Yup, even the flower setting that I had thrown up all over was still here. I must have traveled back in time, though I wasn't feeling that sickening numbing heartbreak that lived inside of me back then. The loss of Jacob was not festering in my stomach anymore. No, I was here and I was nothing but happy.

Edward, all of a sudden, seemed very homebound. He set Elizabeth down and chatted what could only be everyday stuff with Mr. Twong, while going behind the desk.

I just stared befuddled.

"Can I have your passports?" Edward asked Alice and Jasper. They handed them over silently. Edward punched a code into a lockbox in the wall of safety boxes and fished out a set of what looked to be house keys. Then he left all our papers in the small compartment and locked up again.

"Did you get the bungalow that I asked for?" He was all business when he talked to Mr. Twong.

"Yes, I moved the booking and offered a cutback on the price for the couple, who were staying there." He cleared his throat and looked warily at Alice and Jasper. "Edward, I might have misunderstood. It's not a twin," he almost whispered.

"There's no mistake." Edward answered with a smile briefly crossing his face before he fished another set of keys out of from a panel behind him. "Can I get you to drive our luggage over?"

I frowned. Drive?

"Absolutely. Just leave it all here. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you so much. Tell Kachiri that I said hi if we don't see her soon."

"She'll be glad to know that you're back."

Mr. Twong's wife. Where had she gone or was she somewhere around here? What about the old toothless woman? Did she still do all the cooking? My stomach snarled when I remembered her simple, but delicious food. My question was immediately answered when she shuffled by, not taking much notice of us, but managed to pinch Elizabeth's cheek when passing.

I was a little disappointed that she didn't recognize me, but she probably saw hundreds of new faces each month. Why would I stand out? Mr. Twong seemed to catch my melancholy as he spoke swiftly to her. She glanced up at Edward, stretched to her toes and kissed his cheek. Mr. Twong said something in Thai again and she clapped her crooked hands together, babbled a rush of words and then we were all greeted with the same courtesy as Edward. Her skin smelled of cooking oil. I made an effort to ignore it as the heavy scent churned my stomach.

She sauntered off again, dragging her feet as she went.

Mr. Twong gently pointed to his head and tapped his finger a few times, but his eyes were a little sad. "Her mind is not as clear as it used to be."

"How old is she?" I asked.

"We're not entirely sure, maybe about ninety years old. Though, she can still cook with the best of them." Mr. Twong's eyes swept over all of us. "Please don't let me keep you. I am sure you want to get settled," he said kindly, busying himself with some papers.

Edward turned to us and positively beamed. "Now, ladies, let me show you to your bungalow." He mimicked a bell boy's overly polite drawl. "Come here, sweetheart." He quickly scooped Elizabeth up and settled her on his shoulders.

We all followed like mindless pawns, while exchanging wary looks.

At the end of the beach, there was the very same bungalow that Edward had stayed at back then. He quickly mounted the steps and set Elizabeth down on the porch. "This is your place, for as long as you want it. If you need anything Mr. Twong or Kachiri will help you. Dinner is at the main house and all expenses have been taken care of." He handed the keys to Alice, who carefully received them, while them glancing around the bungalow.

"Gosh, this is so pretty," she said. Layers of veneration were present in her tone. Alice wasn't easily awed, but my guess was that Edward had been able to knock her socks off.

Edward's answering smile was almost shy as we watched Jasper and Alice take in the bungalow. Jasper moved to the adjoined bedroom fiddling with the double doors leading to the porch.

The inside was mainly the same. The two-room bungalow was still fairly minimalistic with its white washed look. However, the bed's headboard was intact and not shattered like I remembered it. I flushed slightly at the memory. All of this real life Déjà vu was a little daunting and making my head spin.

"Oh my lord, baby, would you look at this view from the bed?" Jasper called from the bedroom. I glanced in to see her bouncing up and down on the edge of the bed with her eyes focused out over the ocean. You could see the end of the beach merge with the enormous cliffs and the water breaking against the sides of the jagged stone.

Alice did that classic girly squeal that she always did when she was excited. She hugged her arms around Jasper's waist, as she sat down and enthusiastically peppered the column of her throat with small kisses. Jasper pulled her close, while laughing warmly. They were so beautiful with their glowing and happy faces. Before another word could be uttered, an intense longing look passed between them. It was basically searing hot.

Get a room.

Oh wait, we're in theirs. I looked down, suddenly fascinated by the floorboards.

"Perhaps it's time that we left," Edward suggested under his breath, no doubt sensing the heat between them.

"There's no perhaps about it," I muttered back, fearing that we would be in for a show.

Trying to be sneaky about our exit, we started to backtrack like the Pink Panther towards the front door.

"Wait up, boyfriend," Alice called, making an effort dragging her longing eyes from Jasper's. She skipped to Edward hugging him intensely without any warning. "Thank you so much. This would never be possible for us without you." She paused for a moment, like she was searching for the right words. She sighed and looked at Jasper for a fraction of a second then back at Edward. "Just thank you."

Behind Alice at a safer distance, Jasper echoed Alice's words.

Edward hugged her back. "You're absolutely welcome, Pixie."

Alice literally growled. She pulled back with her eyes narrowed. "You got that from Emmett," she accused. She hated being called Pixie.

Edward smirked. "Abso-fucking-lutely." We all gaped at him simultaneously. It didn't sound like him at all. Edward cleared his throat. "Sorry, inside joke," he muttered, while bashfully taking a second to recover. "If you need us, Mr. Twong knows where to find us. "Uhm, enjoy yourselves."

I stared at him with my eyes open wide. Oh, that just didn't come out right after the scorching looked Jasper and Alice had just shared. I couldn't help, but laugh. He seemed to keep sticking his foot in his mouth.

"So where are we going to stay?" I asked, when we were out on the porch again.

"You'll see," he teased and closed the door behind him.

"You really love making a meal out of this."

"I do. I want to see your face when you see it."

"I'll keep that in mind," I muttered. I had a sense of vertigo, as I couldn't quite figure out where it was that we were setting up camp. I figured that we would be staying at the very hut that he had now given to Alice and Jasper. I was mystified.

Picking up Elizabeth, Edward laced his free hand into mine. He looked at his girl and smiled. "Now you get to see what daddy made."

Her face lit up and she beamed. The green color of her eyes was sparking in the brilliant sunlight. "Ice cream?"

Edward snickered and pinched her cheek. "No, not ice cream. Something better. Daddy will get you ice cream later. I promise." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Come with me."

"Like I have any other choice." My stomach snaked oddly around in my body with anticipation. What was in store for us? Here I thought that I had it all figured out, but now I was rendered clueless.

Silently, I fell into step next to Edward as he started in the direction of the jungle. What the hell? There was nothing on that side of the lagoon. Passing the fringe of the forest, I took notice that this was not the same trekking though the wilderness, as it was the last time. Now, a narrow pathway snaked its way through the trees. Feeling the temperature drop under the canopy of the treetops, I noticed a metal sign with Thai scribbling that I had no chance of reading, but underneath it in clear red letters the sign said something that I could easily could understand.

PRIVATE PROPERTY

KEEP OUT

Okay… Adding to the confusing nausea twisting in my stomach, I was simply just lost now, so I gave up plotting theories and getting to the bottom of this before he was actually going to show me his whopping big secret.

The walk was shorter than I remembered. It was about ten minutes or so, but I was not prepared for what was revealed when stepping past the last bend and entering Broken Beach.

"Oh my god, Edward," I gasped. "This place certainly changed." I looked up at him when he didn't respond, but just gazed down at me with joy and ecstasy embedded in his eyes. I turned back to the house and took it all in.

The broken down huts were gone and had been replaced by a large white bungalow nestled into the bend of the small picturesque beach. The house seemed to blend in with the flora and fauna so effortlessly. The porch was almost as large as the house itself and stretched out over the white sand. It was overhung with wines swirling in and out of the pale wooden beams, literally creating a ceiling of greenery. The house rose from the sand with steps ascending from one end to the other.

Taking a few tentative steps out into what in my woozy mind summed up to be a mirage, I realized that I needed to touch it to really know whether this paradise was real. Was I really looking at what might as well be Utopia? Or Atlantis?

"Does this belong to the Twongs?" I asked.

"Nope," Edward refused and carefully shuffled Elizabeth around on his arm. She yawned and put her head on his shoulder "It's mine," he answered, almost sounding triumphant.

I shuffled around between a few old conversations logged into my memory. "You told me that you don't own anything."

"I told you that I hardly own anything. This is the _hardly_," Edward countered then nodded his head in the direction of the house. "Let's go inside."

I let myself be lead closer, not being able to avoid my mouth hanging open or my eyes blinking rapidly like a confused toddler.

The floorboards were all pale and worn like they had been beaten repeatedly by the ever changing weather, but this house had definitely not been here the last time. Back then, it would have been a house left in a hurry and abandoned to die a lonesome death on a deserted beach. Now, it stood here in all its perfection.

Edward fished out the keys, unlocked the glass door and stepped inside. The first floor was one big open concept, which was sparsely furnished. The one piece that dominated the room was a shiny black grand piano standing in stark contrast to all the white. There was a small unremarkable sitting area and a plain dining table. The kitchen was nestled into the corner finished with an island and topped off with a dark marble countertop.

"What's upstairs?" My voice pitched, betraying me with exactly how overwhelmed I felt.

" The bedrooms… the master bath… not much else," Edward answered carefully. "You okay?"

"Besides that fact that I think I just had a stroke… sure," I wheezed.

Edward kissed my sweat covered forehead. "Relax, honey. Why don't I show you the upstairs and you can change into something more comfortable?"

I was suddenly reminded of the denim hugging my thighs and stomach with renewed force. It was like I was wrapped in plastic and I couldn't breathe. The inside of the house was as stuffy as the outside.

A set of stairs led us to the second story. Edward opened the door to a room where I was assaulted by a breathtaking sunrise. It was all yellows, oranges and reds. The colors adorned the entire end wall and the painting was clearly done by Edward's skilled hand. In the corner, there was actually a baby crib and a dresser used as a changing table. I gaped at him.

"You really planned this, didn't you?"

"On some level. This stuff was actually put in by Tanya. I lent the place to Matt and her about two months ago. It wasn't long after…" he trailed off, like avoiding mentioning that he hadn't always been in our lives. It felt like an eon ago that I had been such a coward and chose not let him into our world. It was a strange irony that we were standing here now, practically having come full circle from where our daughter was conceived.

Next to the nursery, there was an empty room with nothing, but paint buckets sitting on the floor. Edward smiled wryly. "I'm not sure what to do with this room. It's not done. I was going paint something…" he shrugged, his voice dying out.

"Mommy," Elizabeth suddenly chimed in and reached for me.

Edward instantly beamed. His eyes twinkled with sudden inspiration. "You want me to paint mommy?"

NO, my insides screamed. I had enough trouble with a mirror as it was. Having to look at a life-size version of myself all blown up for display just killed my buzz.

However, Elizabeth didn't answer. She just stuck the hand of Duckie in her mouth and chewed the poor and tatty teddy. "Yeah, daddy can paint mommy," Edward said under his breath, while slipping me a sinful look. I grumbled and trotted out into the hall.

Continuing my tour of the house, I walked into a large master bedroom dominated by a huge bed in the same color as the rest of the house. White. The view from the French doors was directly out over the ocean and it seemed to stretch forever before merging with the horizon.

"Uh, you want to get changed?" He asked, while setting Elizabeth down on the bed.

"I would absolutely love to, but as I remember, our luggage is with Mr. Twong, as we speak." There was nothing that I wanted more than ridding myself off these jeans and t-shirt because they felt absolutely grimy from twenty-four hours of traveling.

Edward walked to the large closet and slid the door silently aside. Inside was hanger after hanger all covered in dresses, skirts, shorts and tops, which were all suitable to combat this insufferable heat. "There should be some swimwear in here too," Edward said quietly and pulled out a wire drawer.

I wasn't sure that I was able to say anything at the moment. Slowly, I located my ability to speak somewhere deep inside of my brain where it was hiding. "How did you?" I whispered.

"Alice," he said as a way of explaining. I quickly glanced down into the bundle of fabric placed in the drawer. Oh no. "I asked her to help me out with some clothes for you. I had them shipped out here."

"I see." I stepped over to him, while taking a furtive glance into the drawer. Well, didn't he walk right into the lion's den and smack the beast in the face? I picked up something sheer covered in lace and impossibly thin straps. "I'm pretty sure that you didn't know the can of worms that you just opened." The lightness of the panties scared me because there was practically no fabric present. Alice knew her lingerie and had particular tastes, which totally conflicted with mine. I preferred my undies to cover my crotch.

Edward inclined his head amused and took in the skimpy underwear with amusement. His answering smile was zealous. "Are you indicating that there is a problem?"

I blushed and the scanty panties suddenly felt like they were burning my hand. I quickly dropped them back into the pool of lace. I was so getting Alice back for this.

A sudden snoring erupted. Elizabeth was curled up on the bed sleeping soundly with Duckie cuddled against her chest. Edward smiled indulgently at her. She had a long few days. "I'll put her down for a nap. Slip into something else and we can have some lunch downstairs."

I nodded woodenly, still ailing by the whole ordeal, the press, the escape, the traveling, this house, the wardrobe… all of it.

I dug through the heap of underwear, ignoring all the frills, hoping to find some decent swimwear that wasn't raunchy. Going through the piles of underwear and bikinis, I discovered that it wasn't all just straps and lace in there. I had a fleeting thought about who did the unpacking and saw all of these rude items. I quickly pushed the errant idea back, burying it under a heap of lace.

Digging deeply into the piles, I found quite a few items that were to my taste. Precisely so, to be exact. The panties were boy shorts or Brazilians, depending on your view, just upgraded from plain cotton to silk or whatever they made undergarments from. These were actually quite nice. I drew a long sigh of relief. Thank you, Alice. Though, I had a sneaky suspicion that she added those skimpy things just for kicks and giggles.

While looking for something to wear, I struck gold and picked up what looked to be a simple white bikini. That had to work. Skimming through the closet , I found a purple cotton skirt that looked to be most comfortable.

I stared wide-eyed at myself in the mirror after I changed. I wasn't sure if I should feel lucky or really be pissed off, but Alice didn't know that she was shopping for a knocked up Bella and her boobs. Well, at least the top covered my nipples, but to be honest, it didn't do much more. Refusing to look at the all too obvious evidence of pregnancy, I shoved my hair into a knot and moved downstairs to join Edward.

On my way downstairs, I peeked in the room to check on Elizabeth and heard her snoring like a small freight train. Stopping at the base of the stairs, I found Edward. Apparently he had ditched his shirt and was opening a section of glass panels leading down a few steps to the large patio that poured onto the sand. I admired his fluent movements, as he rummaged through the kitchen pulling things out of the fridge setting them aside on the island.

The cool tiled floor was a relief against the dense humidity. I cleared my throat as he didn't seem to notice me. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself.

Edward lifted his gaze and gaped, then the bowl slipped from his hands and clattered to the counter top. I snickered. It wasn't like him to be rattled. However, he composed himself quickly.

"You look nice," he quickly added.

I frowned, feeling more naked than anything. Though, I guess that was okay because we were alone… finally. It suddenly dawned on me that I was starved for some one-on-one time with him.

A slow smile spread across my face as I watched him. This was my Edward so casually floating around in the kitchen and looking relaxed.

I lightly grazed my fingers across the cool marble when rounding the island. I suddenly needed him like I needed air to breathe. It was like having him close was imperative for my well being and sanity.

Feeling my teeth make a dent into my lip, I couldn't help but wish it was Edward's teeth slowly dragging across my skin.

I reached out and let the tips of my fingers crawl up the ripples of his stomach. His breath fluttered a bit as it brushed over my face. I couldn't help but crane my head back, while greeting the air that escaped his lungs. "Thank you for taking us here," I said quietly after a few beats.

"You're very welcome." He bent down, while placing the lightest of kisses solely on my lower lip where my teeth had just been. "It's a pleasure to have you." He gently grasped my hands at his stomach, twining our fingers together. He brought them up to his lips placing a sensuous kisses on each hand, before locking my palms behind his neck so he could welcome me into his embrace.

Our eyes lingered with each other. Time seemed endless and unimportant. The emotions in his eyes were deep and yearning, feeding that warmth rising within me. I was unable to escape the energy pushing me to him. I reached up on my toes and touched my lips to his. Our mouths danced slowly as we kissed.

"I love you, Edward Cullen," I whispered when the connection was broken.

He kissed the tip of my nose, dropping his forehead to mine. "As do I, Isabella Swan, so very much." We stood like this for long treasured moments. Neither of us seemed willing to break contact.

It was Edward that spoke up first, when I no longer could ignore the retching in my stomach. "We should eat," he said. I agreed. If I didn't have some lunch, the nausea would kick my ass and I would have to forfeit this precious time between us. We settled outside on the porch and ate, while sitting on low and chunky looking sofas. Feeling full and comfortable, I lounged back against him. His fingers were traveling up and down my side. It was so relaxing.

"Your body is already changing," he said quietly.

"I know, but you see it?" I asked, peeking at him over my shoulder.

He gently let out a huff. "Yeah."

I let my fingers walk over my stomach. "I know that I can't hide this much longer."

Edward kissed the tip of my shoulder. "No we can't, but is not just your sweet belly. It's here too." The light brush of his pointer finger just beside my eye tickled. "Your eyes shine. It's here too." Leisurely, his hand traveled over my cheek along my jaw to my collarbone and down to my breast. Gently, he palmed it. It sizzled in my stomach.

"It's just the bikini," I scoffed, knowing full well that I might have grown a cup size… or two.

He laughed shortly. "Whatever you say." I could practically sense his eye roll. It was like he knew to avoid picking a fight with a pregnant woman. That was just a lose-lose scenario.

I decided to change the subject before my hormones could play tricks on me and chill my mood. "When did you come back here?"

Edward sighed. "About three months after my fruitless search for you. I thought that if I came back here, then I could start my search all over again. Perhaps, Mr. Twong had information on you that I didn't. I didn't know that I had your name all wrong. Mr. Twong was hardly forthcoming. He wouldn't give me any information that he had about you.

"I spend about a week here sleeping on the beach, swimming and trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I got a bit sentimental when I found out this place was actually for sale. I had Jenks look into it. He told me that it was plausible to buy the land, so I didn't hesitate. I wanted to create a sanctuary for myself. I needed a place where I could go and be left absolutely alone and escape the downside of my very public life. No one, but Jenks, Tanya and Mr. Twong know that I own this land.

"It was when I came back the second time, that I decided to build this house. Some of the materials are recycled from the old huts and house, like the porch. I worked on it for about a year, whenever I had the chance. I had help with the things that I couldn't manage on my own, but besides that this is the fruit of my own labor."

"This really is a peaceful place." I but my lip for a moment. "What about the Twong's? That seemed to have been through an update. Is that your doing too?"

"Not really. One day he mentioned that the huts were starting to fall apart, so I suggested that I lend him the money to fix them. He wouldn't take it of course. So I changed tactics and suggested that I paid him to take care of this place when I'm away. He reluctantly agreed. He's a very proud man. I gave him a down payment so he could start the renovations on his place."

"So how for how long did you pay him to maintain this place?" I asked out of pure curiosity. Edward laughed.

"Probably about a decade. You'd be amazed at what money can buy on this side of the world."

"So I'm guessing you paid for the speedboat too?"

"Sort of. Mr. Twong is under the impression that he borrows it from me. I'm not doing anything to dispute his views."

"You're so selfless."

"Not really, I just like to make people happy," Edward said softly.

"You make me very happy." A gush of emotion swirled in my veins. I was truly and honestly happy. Nothing less.

"Yeah?" He sighed and hugged his arms closer around my stomach. "I'm so ecstatic that it's all come together now. I can't tell you how much it means to have my family here with me. Everything seems right now. Nothing is missing."

"Oh, Edward." I sighed, while my throat began feeling thick. My eyes were brimming with tears at the undiluted happiness that rushed through me. "I don't know who to thank for bringing you back to me. You mean the world to me and Elizabeth. Everyday I'm amazed that you found it in your heart to forgive me, but I realize now that is just who you are. No one can match the selflessness and kindness in you. I am so utterly grateful that you still want to share your life with me, because I'm not sure what I did exactly to deserve you, but I will do it over and over again if it means to have you for just one more day. " Wet drops rolled down my face. It wasn't just about what he did for me, but thinking about what he did for Alice and Jasper too, it was just bound to open the floodgates.

"You have me forever." He hugged me closer. "You are my life now."

It was like there wasn't much else to say after that. We sat in the comfortable silence that surrounded us, only interrupted by the lapping of water and the birds singing hidden away in the jungle. I started to doze off, while feeling the weight of all the traveling finally take its toll.

The shrill of Edward's phone and the buzzing against my back brought me back from the brink of sleep. Edward shuffled me around, while digging into his pocket to retrieve his phone.

"Hello?" He said tentatively. I listened as it didn't seem like he knew the person on the other end. His thumb was hovering above the end button. We had left a roaring fire behind us when we fled the states. It was only a question of how far the flames would reach. "Embry." He paused. "I see. I don't mean to be rude, but I already turned the offer down… twice. As I said, I love the script, but I'm not interested." There was another long pause. "Oh, I see. Yes, I am… then I would definitely reconsider. It sounds very interesting… It's very plausible. I have some time to work on some things. Send me the file and I'll see what I come up with. Who has the lead?" His brows knitted. He looked kind of astonished. "You did? No, I didn't know that, but she will do a fantastic job." Edward suddenly looked down at me, smiling broadly. "It's true that I have a daughter," he answered and slowly raked his fingers through my hair. It felt soothing. "No, Embry. We'll save that conversation for when we meet. How does in a few weeks sound? Yeah. Okay, I'll look into it and work on it… Sounds good. You too. Take care." He hung up, then began scraping his teeth over his bottom lip slowly like he was pondering something.

"What?" I asked.

"It looks like I just landed myself a new career."

My interest peaked. "Doing what?"

"Music." He frowned as in a daze. "You remember the script that you read and loved while we were in Forks?"

"Absolutely, it was incredible."

"Well, that was the producer. He asked if I was interested in doing the score."

I glanced at the shiny black piano. It wasn't hard to imagine his long and elegant fingers caressing the keys, ghosting back and forth and creating sounds that floated into air and into your soul. "I know that you'll do amazingly. I can't wait to hear you play."

"I'll play you a lullaby this evening."

"You really know how to treat a girl," I said and leaned back into him. Just as that comfortable silence was about to settle again, there was another sharp shrill. Edward narrowed his eyes at the phone like he could will it into silence.

"And to what do I owe this pleasure?" he drawled. "Hold up. Hold up, Emmett. Everyone is fine. Yeah, I've seen her. Jasper is with us. She's fine. We're all fine, Emmett." He paused and looked down at me as I sat up. "She's right here. Why?" He held his phone away from his ear and spoke to me. "What happened to your phone?"

I gaped. Oh crap. "I forgot to turn it back on," I muttered. "Why is Emmett calling you?"

"Because apparently yours is off." Edward shrugged and returned to the call. "Anything you need, Emmett? Of course, you can. Hang on." He held the phone out to me. "He wants to talk to you."

I took the phone. "Hey, Emmett." I barely had time to say his name before his thundering voice threatened to break my eardrum.

"You know, Bella. I almost smashed your goddamn front door trying to go though that revoltingly large lock that I put on it. What is with you chicks and not having your phone on? I can't get in touch with either Jasper or Alice. Edward said that they were with you."

"They are here with us. Emmett, you're one to talk. I've tried to get a hold on you for two days and so did Jasper. So you berating me is sort of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

He sighed heavily into the phone. "I guess that I don't need to call the cops then? By the way, where the hell is _here_?"

"Uhm, Thailand."

There was a lot of shuffling almost like he dropped the phone or fell off his bed. "Thailand? Are you freaking kidding me? Are you telling me that all of a sudden you picked up and left? That you're not even in the States?"

"That's what I'm saying." I giggled.

His breath was sawing into the microphone and making it wheeze in my ear. "You're okay? I saw your little Edward secret isn't so secret anymore."

"Yes, I am perfectly fine." It was so Emmett to be worried, almost like a father sending his girl off to the first day of school. Behind all that loud mouthing and muscle, there was a real sweetheart hiding.

After ten minutes of reassuring him that we were fine, I handed the phone back to Edward. They spoke for a few minutes until they hung up. Edward muted his phone after that and tossed it to the table.

"Emmett is coming and he's bringing a guest," he said when we were all snuggled in again.

"Who?"

"He wouldn't say," Edward answered absentmindedly. He started running his fingers through my hair again, while looking into my eyes. "Take a nap, baby."

I did, now that I wasn't pulled back to reality by his constantly intruding phone.

oooooOOOOooooo

**I hope you liked the chapter and thank you for reading.**

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**Remember to check out Prima Nocte and find out why neither Jasper or Bella was able to get a hold of Emmett.**

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**Please check out my original story on www thumannlegend blogspot com**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**First and foremost thank you to my lovely beta Dazzled eyes22. I appreciate having you close by more than I can say.**

**Many many thanks to those of you who commented or added me to your alerts. It makes me feeling like what I am doing is worthwhile. **

**I have lately been enjoying some of LYRICALKRIS' stories. They are amazing, hurtful and impressive pieces of writing. They touched me personally where it is dark and scary to go within myself. I don't even dare to look in that direction, but she fucking wrote them. I am in awe of her bravery. Check out 'In the Mirror' and 'We Don't Break, We Bend'.**

**A/N**

**This chapter has been coming for a while, and I am happy to finally be posting it. I promise Bella is in for a ride and Alice just doesn't have a filter. I hope you enjoy it.**

oooooOOOOooooo

**Chapter 30**

The lazy wind from the fan kept playing with tendrils of my hair. I knew Elizabeth was up from her nap because I could faintly hear her chatting combined with the soft padding of her feet as she moved around the house.

"Bella, baby?" Edward called softly. His fingers lithely ran over my hair.

"Mmm."

"You awake?" I nodded apathetic. "Alice is here to see you. She's out on the porch."

I peeled my eyes open. "I'll be out in a moment." I rubbed my eyes, while trying to ignore the numbing sickness. For days, it had been like this. I was horribly dizzy and hadn't been able to keep anything down. Edward had been amazing, so sweet and supportive. I felt guilty that I hadn't been able to appreciate this Eden, instead I just curled up on the couch and slept.

"Are you feeling better? Can I get you something to eat? Ice cream, perhaps?" he offered. His eyes were tender and full of concern.

"I'm okay," I drawled. My body was feeling a bit like an old rusty gate and all my joints were stiff from sleeping so much.

I sat up and stretched. I was sure that I looked exactly like I had slept for almost twenty-four hours straight this time. While shuffling out to see Alice, I adjusted my cotton shorts and my top, trying to look somewhat decent. I attempted to pat down my hair, but the humidity did unexplainable things to the strands and they had a will of their own in this heat.

"Hey Alice," I said trying to sound chipper. It had been days since I had seen her. Well, make that that we hadn't seen a shadow of them since we arrived. I guess that we both needed some privacy.

We hugged gently. Alice was literally radiating, smiling like her face was going to split in two. Her skin was glowing, while her cheeks were rosy and quite youthful and fresh. In general, she looked so healthy and like she had caught the sun. I gestured for the lounge set sitting under the canopy of wines.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

"Out running."

"Can I get you anything, Alice? A glass of white wine maybe?" Edward asked, while poking his head out the door.

"Gosh, yeah. I would love that," she answered and made herself comfortable on the couch.

I detected Edward shuffling around in the kitchen behind me. I was quiet for a moment, while I tried to ignore the churning in my stomach. I swallowed some sour-tasting bile. God, would this ever end?

Edward was almost silent when he placed a glass of white wine in front of Alice. Residue from the cold drink was trickling down the sides. His understanding smile lingered with me when he handed me a lemon Popsicle and a tall glass of water. During the past few days, he had learned all the ways to soothe my upset stomach and what would help to quench the sickness as much as possible. It was at the point of being unbearable.

_Flashback_

"_God, Edward. You don't have to see this." I snorted and spat, before I was once more assaulted by a stomach cramp that forced the food from my stomach. My grip tightened around the lid of the toilet as I vomited brutally again. Edward's one hand was on my forehead literally holding my head while the other was rolled around my ponytail keeping my hair out of the line of fire. _

"_Complain all you want, Bella. I'm not leaving."_

_I vomited again. Then I turned to crying because I was so exhausted and humiliated. I had fallen asleep in the bathroom that night and Edward had carried me to bed._

Edward had called the doctor after that. There was nothing to do, but to drink lots of water and call him again if this progressed. The doctor didn't want to risk giving me something for the nausea because I was pregnant. I agreed with that, so I would just have to suck it up.

"Are the Twongs treating you alright?" Edward asked, while breaking through my heinous reverie.

"Better than that. They are so hospitable and the food is awesome. Not to mention the massages. I could seriously get used to this luxurious treatment," she trilled.

"Glad to hear that you're having fun."

She smiled sweetly in return, while running her tongue nervously over her teeth, but she said nothing. Oh, dear, I just bet that they were having fun.

I glanced around looking for Elizabeth when I realized that she wasn't out here. I could hear her, but not see her. "She's under the porch stairs," Edward said, while reading my panic. She had been camping there for days digging holes with her bucket and shovel. Besides me being sick, the days had been relaxing with a semblance of a routine. I appreciated it more than I could say. It was nice to have a meal, nap and bedtime for Elizabeth. Besides that, here we could all relax away from the press and the hustle of work and the city.

Alice's gaze was surreptitious and unwavering. "Are you having fun, Bella?"

"I am. Do you even have to ask?"

Just then, Elizabeth emerged from her hideout, squealing and running straight for Alice. She was covered in sand from head to toe. The slight slapping sound of her feet echoed as she threw herself into Alice's waiting arms.

"I missed you, baby girl." Alice's voice was animated and she ruffled her already chaotic hair. Elizabeth smiled, while slapping Alice's thighs and making small grains of sand fly everywhere. She turned suddenly and reached for the stem of the wineglass.

Edward caught her hand before any of us did. "No, sweetie. That is Auntie Alice's," he admonished. Elizabeth didn't care and kept reaching for the glass. Alice pulled it out of the way. "You want some water, Elizabeth?" Edward asked.

She nodded.

"Daddy will get you something to drink." He was only gone for a moment, before he was back with a pink plastic cup. Elizabeth slurped noisily while trails of fluid ran down her chin.

She smacked the cup down against the tabletop. "Water," she exclaimed.

"You want more?" I asked.

"No!" She shook her head, which made her curls bounce. "Daddy. Water." She pointed her chubby little finger towards the ocean. Edward lit up with a smile.

Moments later, I glanced to the beach front, where Elizabeth and Edward were trotting out into the ocean. With her hand pulled up high, she could just reach Edward's. I sat back enjoying the moment. Here, there were no distractions or commitments. We were just us and they had all the time in the world to bond. "They spend more time in the water than they do on shore." The first few times that Edward had taken her swimming, I had watched like a hawk because he was too far out for my comfort. However, his skill in the water and her inflatable wings, which made her float like a cork, eventually settled my nerves.

"She looks like she's really enjoying herself, so is Edward, I presume."

"Yes," I agreed quietly. Though I was feeling sick as a dog, I was nothing but happy. The one thing that I had learned over the past few days while being alone with Edward was that he was a nurturer. He truly enjoyed having someone to tend to. The look on his face when he could do something for me it was like I made his entire year. Elizabeth had his full attention when she wasn't napping. He always put her and me before any of his own needs. Having someone to care for was important to him. Besides, he never really sat still. If it wasn't Elizabeth or me that he was lavishing with his attention on, it was the house. Small things still needed to be finished here and there. While he was fixing something, Edward wore nothing but a pair of board shorts hanging off his hips and working gloves and was quite a sight to be reckoned with. Holy hell, he was hot. Even a pregnant girl with nausea from hell could appreciate that.

I headed for the lemon cooler before it melted into a puddle of sticky juice.

"Can I ask you something, Bella?" Alice's large blue eyes still didn't waver.

"Sure."

"Are you pregnant again?" She asked without further ado. I felt like I just swallowed my tongue.

"Why… why would you ask that?" I stuttered, as I sucked away at my Popsicle for something to do. The citrusy taste was quite an antidote to the heinous queasiness.

"I know you pretty well. Besides, there are a bunch of reasons really." She sighed, while keeping her eyes fully trained on me. "Some days, you eat like there is no tomorrow, while others you hardly touch your food like right now. Your skin is almost green. You're nauseous, right? You sleep all the time. Just now, Edward didn't even offer you a drink. He just served you water. You're also eating a lemon Popsicle. You hate lemon! Looking at you now, you're actually starting to have a little beer belly." She grinned, before shrugging. "And lastly, your boobs are huge!"

"Alice!" I mouthed shocked.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry if I'm being too blunt and you can tell me to butt out. I haven't been able to let it go the last few days, so I decided to be so rude and ask. That way, I can put myself out of my misery. So what's your answer?"

I smiled vaguely. "Okay, I'm pregnant all right."

"Oh, dear lord." Alice said, looking a bit dazed. "When did that happen?"

"At your wedding."

Alice's brows shot up. "I'm not saying this to be mean or indicating that I disapprove in any way, but have you ever heard of a condom or contraception in general?"

"I heard of it alright. It broke." I grumbled. Alice laughed and took a small sip of her wine, while shaking her head at me. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. It was a bit of a shock and we needed to adjust for a while. It's not like we planned this."

"Oh, Bella, don't think about me. I'm just too nosy for my own good sometimes." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Hey, wasn't that the night that you got back together officially?"

"Yeah." I wheezed, knowing exactly what the whole situation looked like.

"So you basically just go into heat every time Edward is around?" Alice said, fleshing out exactly how this pregnancy would look to the world. Thank you very much.

Now I was the one to narrow my eyes at her. "No. I've had sex with Edward all of three times in my life. Two of them, I ended up pregnant, yes, but that hardly qualifies me to be in heat. You're one to talk…" I laughed. Her eyes shot up questioning me. "You and Jasper," I didn't bother to elaborate, but I didn't need to. Alice's small smile was quite the admission. "We're really happy about the pregnancy."

"Good for you, sweetie. I'm happy for you too. Congratulations," she said honestly and took another sip, before she gaped at me. "What do you mean that you only had sex three times? That guy is hot and has to be sex on legs. What about all those times at the apartment… or here? He tends to look at you like you're something to eat."

I don't think that I ever flushed that deeply. I was something to eat to him.

I laughed and shook my head hoping to mask some of the color in my cheeks. "Alice, you sleep with women and have a very attractive wife. What the hell are you doing checking out guys?" I couldn't help, but tease. Alice immaturely stuck her tongue out at me. I bit into the ice and chewed off a chunk. It gave me a slight ice cream headache. "However, being sick all the time and throwing up all hours of the day is about as sexy as a poke in the eye. If that's not the problem, then there is a toddler around most of the time."

"I can see how that might obscure things." She laughed. "So, I'm going to be an aunt again." She nodded approvingly, probably choosing not to retaliate to my banter. "I really hope that you feel better soon."

"Yup. So what have you been up to, besides the obvious?"

Alice brushed some sand off her dress, while pondering her answer. "Let's see. Working, swimming, tanning, getting massages, eating and…" she trailed off with her trademark smile once again telling all. Oh, please.

"So, Jasper isn't sad about losing her job?"

Alice thought for a moment. "Not really. I mean… I was worried that she would take that news really hard, but frankly it's like she doesn't even care." Alice ran her tongue over her teeth again. "We were actually talking about working together. She would start her own marketing company using my office. She's got the talent and works incredible hard. I know a lot of young designers who are working on developing their brands that could be potential clients. Besides, she has the connections and the skill, so I know this can work. Instead of seeing defeat, she sees the opportunities. I'm so proud of her for not letting this break her. She's absolutely amazing." Alice looked down and began studying her wine. It looked like she was getting a little emotional. Did her eyes just water?

"Alice?" I called softly.

"Yeah." She didn't look at me, but did her best to hide her light sniffle. She was so wrong thinking that she needed to hide her emotions from me. We had been here before, just after their wedding. I moved and sat down next to her taking her small hand into mine.

"Look at me." Slowly, she lifted her gaze, while peering at me through her lashes. "I think that's a great idea. I'm sure that it will work out. You and Jasper are so strong together."

Alice relaxed, while leaning into my side. "Thanks, Bella. Thank you for always being there for us."

I kissed the top of her hair. "I can say the same to you. Thank you for always being there for me. I can't imagine where I would have ended up after Jacob if it wasn't for you." Now, it my turn to feel the waterworks start up. I snorted.

"Are you going to start crying on me?" She teased.

"I'm pregnant and hormonally imbalanced. What's your excuse, Pixie?" I taunted.

Her trilling laugh sounded for a short moment. "I'm in love."

"Yeah, me too." I cast a glance out over the water where Edward was tossing Elizabeth up into the air and letting her splash into the water squealing with pure childish delight.

Edward and Elizabeth didn't emerge until their skin was pruned and they were hungry. Alice stayed and played with Elizabeth by building sandcastles under the stairs until it was too dark to see. Jasper joined us for dinner when she was back from running. I miraculously managed to keep most of the food that I ate down.

I headed off to bed before Alice and Jasper left because I was unable to keep my eyes open a minute longer. They all encouraged me to retire and catch some more shut eye. Lying in the large white bed, I could hear them talking downstairs on the porch. I longed for when Edward would come to bed and hold me.

Feeling the sun heat my back, it happened. It finally happened! I sat up slowly, while stretching and waiting for it to slam into my body and take me down life a prized fighter. However, it didn't. Today was the first morning in forever where there wasn't a shadow of the retched nausea. I was free. Finally.

When my stomach growled, I quickly changed into what had become my uniform here. A bikini top and some sort of skirt or shorts. I literally bounced down the stairs and not even the smell of the eggs that Edward was frying up churned my stomach. Today was different. I was starving!

Taking full advantage of my newfound freedom, we were busy all day. All I wanted was to spend the time with Elizabeth and Edward. We swam and played in the water for hours. When Elizabeth was napping, I sat beside Edward as his music floated from the piano blessing me with the most wonderful soulful melodies. Occasionally through the past days, I had heard him tinker around with the piano, stringing keys together and creating a flow of mournful, haunting tunes. It was the songs that he was working on for that movie. When he played, it was like he got caught in another realm where he only lived and breathed what he was playing. His talent was incredible and absolutely immeasurable. The music was so sad, but he wasn't. Never once did he have a long face or longing in his eyes. It was quite the opposite. His eyes were happy and content.

By afternoon, we took a small walk into the jungle where unfortunately Elizabeth had found a new fascination. Spiders. She found them funny and squealed every time that Edward found one that panicked and scurried over the forest bed with their long spindly legs. To say the least, it seriously made my skin crawl. Edward assured me that they weren't venomous and hardly ever came into the house. I had my doubts because these weren't your average daddy long legs. I had one word. Eww. I couldn't help focusing on one word Edward used - _hardly_. He had used that before and look at this house. Besides, I hoped that Elizabeth and her attention span of a goldfish would find a new hobby soon.

Dinner was brought over by Mr. Twong, which all designed to soothe my usually upset stomach. Today that hadn't been necessary. It was impressive that as fast as the nausea appeared, it was suddenly gone again. I hoped it wouldn't return, but I wasn't banking on it. I just wanted to take full advantage of what I had now.

I could hear low muted sounds of Edward's footsteps as he came downstairs. I stared out into the darkness and over the ocean. "Elizabeth is sleeping," he said softly and kissed my shoulder. He picked up the dish towel and started wiping the plates. The dishes had been stacking up because no one bothered to clean them. All the trivial things seemed inconsequential here. When we were out of clean cutlery, someone did the dishes. There was nothing to fuss about.

"Thanks," I said and looked at the heap of stuff that needed to be dried off.

"Let me take this." I looked at his face quickly, only to drop my eyes and let them wander down his bare torso. He was as usually going commando wearing swim shorts. Nice. It was all he wore here because it was too hot for anything else. His pale flawless skin had started to darken, leaving a sliver of white at the waistband of his shorts. I loved it.

"It's okay. I kind of like doing this."

"Bella, let me. How about you go outside and take a shower while I clean this up?"

"Outside?" I gulped. I stared out into the darkness again and that infamous shower. Edward never actually used the one upstairs, but he utilized the one outside designed to rinse off the saltwater after a swim to its full extent. Needless to say, I had watched him in secret on more than a few occasions.

Edward laughed at me. "Bella, there is no one around." He nuzzled into my neck, while kissing playfully. "Try it. It almost feels illicit," he goaded. His voice was suddenly so sultry. So that was why he was so fond of it.

"Fine." I left the last of the plates in the sink and ventured outside. It was still hot, but a gentle breeze had picked up. It was fighting some of the intense humidity. The light was on the wraparound porch and the pale wood blended in with the sand. After glancing around, , though I knew that no one was here, I slowly stripped off my clothes. It was strange standing this exposed out in the open, but it also felt thrilling. I turned the shower on and let the soft drizzle of water roll over my back. It was soothing against the clinging heat. It was so quiet here, so still, only the sound was the ocean lapping at the beach that was never ending. Liberated from the day's sticky sweat and the grimy feeling, I shut the shower off and reached for a towel. There were none.

I looked up to see Edward eyeing me intensely. Instantly, my face felt hot. Slowly, he unfolded the towel and held it open for me. He wrapped it around my shoulders and started friction drying me. "Are you still feeling okay?" He asked softly as he continued to dry my skin.

I nodded speechless for a moment as I gazed up at his intensely beautiful face. "I feel perfect."

"Hmmm good because I have something for you then."

"You mean that there is more to this grandeur?" I joked and gestured around the impressive setting of the house and beach.

He laughed. "Well, I missed you and that depends on how you look at it." He kept eyeing me intensely, his eyes were burning with some kind of unspoken emotion. Slowly, like a flower opening to the morning sun, a strong need blossomed in my stomach. I bit my lip and smiled.

"So what exactly do you have?" I asked puzzled.

He put a finger over my lips, halting my speech. "No questions, just feel." He put the towel over my hair and friction dried it roughly. "Come." He dumped the towel then took my hand leading me back into the house, naked. Upstairs, the door to Elizabeth's room was closed. He never did that at night.

A few candles were lit and the sheets were pulled back from the bed. "Lie down on your stomach," he whispered from behind me.

Warmth unfurled, smoldered and mixed with the blood running in my veins. Wow! I glanced over my shoulder evaluating the chances of actually having a night where we weren't interrupted by Elizabeth or something else. It seemed pretty good. I was a bit nervous though. What did he have in mind?

"It's okay, baby." He gave me a gentle push towards the bed. I followed orders and laid down on my stomach. Turning my head sideways, Edward sat down beside me and straddled a leg over mine. I just watched in wonder. He picked up an opened unmarked bottle and let the glistering fluid drip into his hands. It smelled vaguely fruity and felt somewhat soothing. "I stole it from the Twongs." He smiled that gorgeous lopsided grin, looking like a young boy alive with excitement. He rubbed his hands together slowly, while watching me watch him. Then he leaned over me and put his hands on my shoulders. I was a bit torn. Was this a back rub or was it a back rub with a _'happy ending'_? Oh, god. I hoped for the latter.

His elegant and long fingers started at my neck and shoulders, while slowly working down along my spine. Every now and again, he would stop and focus on a knotted muscle, but his hands were focused on gently massaging my entire back. I closed my eyes and let myself be absorbed in the pure pleasure of his hands expertly relieving my back of every tension. This felt beyond incredible. His hands drifted lower and began shaping his palms over my exposed backside. Oh, my!

I realized his hands were not purely on my body to help take away a muscle ache, but for his benefit as well as mine. He kept running his hands from my waist, down over my cheeks and to the top on my thighs, while gently digging his fingers into my flesh. His breathing was slightly altered while I moaned quietly. Perhaps, this was as much fun for him as it was for me?

"You still awake?" He murmured, while leaning in on his hands and whispering just above my ear. His breath was scorching my skin.

"Hmm." I hummed, feeling beyond relaxed and so warm inside.

"Turn around, baby." I smiled into the mattress. More? I was definitely up for more. I rolled over and he placed a pillow under my head and arranged my hair away from my collarbone. I met his eyes internally celebrating they were hooded and hungry. "Spread your legs a bit." I practically gasped. What was he going to do? Need and warmth was pooling at my center.

"Mind if I get naked too?" He asked with a small smile curling at the corners of mouth.

"Please," I answered, while smiling like a fool. After ridding himself of his pants, he settled in between my legs, hiked my knees up and placed them over his thighs. His eyes raked over my body and he smiled salaciously, like he had me just where he wanted me. I had absolutely no secrets from him positioned like this. He could see everything, but then again, so could I.

He reached for the bottle once more and let slippery drops land on his palm. "Give me your hand." I reached up and he took it. Gently, he started the same loving treatment, by rubbing each one of my fingers then moving across my palm and up my arm. This felt exquisite. I didn't even bother to hold back the slow guttural moan that fled my throat.

"Feeling good?" He mused. I nodded lazily.

"How about you?" I slowly raised a brow and glanced without shame down at his crotch. I was feeling a bit blasé because he was as naked as I was.

"Let's just say that I'm enjoying the view and what I have my hands on." He smiled, letting his thumbs press into the meaty part of my forearm, sliding down to my hand. I blushed, as his eyes skated over my body. "You are one very beautiful woman, Bella." He reached for my other hand and it received the same languid and endearing attention.

He picked up the bottle again and this time, he lavishly let it drip over my torso. He smiled warmly, as he started running his slick hands up my ribcage, over my breasts and to my neck. Oh boy, it wasn't just his mouth that was talented, but his elegant hands too. I practically mewled and my breasts tingled, almost begging for more after that first run of his hands over my skin. Through it all, sure I felt warm, but it was not until this moment had I realized how intensely aroused I had become. I sank heavily into the mattress and just let my cells flood with this sensational treatment.

"That's it, baby," Edward murmured. "Just feel my hands." I moaned at the softness of his voice and his fingers returning south from my neck. This time, he paid real attention to my nipples by rolling them. The skin was so soft and slick from the oil. Slowly he continued down my sternum. He repeated this sensual motion multiple times. My entire body felt like mush.

"God, you spoil me, Edward," I said sluggishly, gazing up at him.

He smiled slowly, his lips parting slightly. "I missed having time and opportunity to spoil you. After the last few days you've had, you deserve to be treated." His hands moved further south, slowly scraping over my stomach like he was searching for something. "Is it too soon to feel anything yet?"

"I don't know. We can check." I laced my hands into his, feeling how warm and slick that his fingers were. Bringing them over my stomach, I let our fingers dip and press firmly against my skin. At the very base of my pelvis between my hipbones, I clearly felt it, but I knew what I was looking for. Edward probably didn't. "You feel that solid round thing? Almost the size of a tennis ball?"

"Yeah." Edward's eyes were huge.

"That's it. That's our baby."

"It's really hard." He frowned a bit, as he let go of my fingers and ran his palm over my slick stomach. He began feeling his way around the 'tennis ball' all over again.

"It is." I grinned at his puzzled expression. His hand effortless slipped over my stomach in the opposite direction feeling the bump again.

"This is amazing," he said quietly laced with awe. "You're absolutely incredible." He leaned over kissing me softly and letting his lips linger with mine. I felt his hand slip to my thigh. "Tonight is about you though, not the baby. So, I'm moving on now if that's okay with you." His wicked smirk made my stomach tingle.

He lifted my right leg up and started working. After oiling up my foot and shin, he slowly started at my toes. Each one was gently rolled, massaged and cared for before the tips of his fingers dug into my calf. He was firmly kneading it. I don't think I ever felt as treasured as I did with his hands literally worshipping my entire body.

His hands worked from my foot to my thighs. Reaching my inner thighs, his fingers sporadically brushed past the junction of my thighs, but he basically ignored it. I felt hot and burning. I squirmed every time he was close. That teasing feather light touch left me wanting more. It was almost too much to bear now. "Edward," I panted incoherently, while desire took over my mind. "Oh, Edward," I breathed almost deliriously now.

"I know, sweetheart." He shifted to my other leg and his face was victorious. I wasn't sure that I could handle the wait as his hands worked over my toes and the instep of my left foot. I was ready to explode. It sizzled when he finally reached my thigh, once more only letting the tips of his fingers sink into my muscles of my leg where he massaged. My breath was heavy, exaggerated and filled with desperate sounds as it rushed into my lungs over and over and over again.

He shifted crawling over my body. I managed to open my eyes and gaze into his. They were hungry and filled with desire. "Now Bella, this is my way. I love watching you fall apart like this." I felt his fingers skim down my body, slipping over the glistering oil that covered my entire body. He ran his fingers through the smatter of hair, dipping lower and just grazing my clit.

"Oh," I gasped loudly. Edward covered my mouth with his. He was kissing me slowly but yet so heated. I had nowhere else to groan, but loudly into his mouth when he pushed two fingers into me. The noises that came from my throat were garbled because the rush of emotion from the contact was almost too much to bear. The sizzling was just a penny short of a dollar for me to reach that big O that I was desperately in need of right now. Already, I was teetering at the brink, just waiting for that last push to send me flying.

With the same expertise that he had used all over my body, he began that same rhythmical stroking, while slowly massaging the inside of me. The tingling heat burned its way through my core and I was ready to let go. "Please, Edward, I'm going to…" I panted.

"Hold on, baby. Hold it back, just a bit," he whispered into my mouth. His tongue was slick and it slipped in between my parted lips. I tried to reciprocate the kiss, but it was like I was scattering molecules and trying to hold it together, like he said. He hooked his fingers, teasing me and forcing me to face an orgasm that he wanted me to hold back. He was insane.

"I can't," I whimpered.

"Yes, you can." He stopped the motion by holding back and bringing me down from the brink. Tears almost sprang to my eyes. I needed this. This felt like torture. I tried to control my raging emotions when he repeated the motion again. It almost made me topple over the edge, while just to leaving me hanging at the finishing line. With skill, his tongue invaded my mouth again. I clutched my hands into his hair, desperate for something to hold on to. His mouth left mine and he moved his fingers again. I wanted to scream out in frustration because pleasure was ready to consume my body, but he wouldn't let me. "Hold it back," he whispered. "I want my mouth on you when you cum."

His words raced through my veins like scolding hot oil. Oh, yes, the promise of release. Slowly, he worked his mouth all the way down my body, while taking his sweet time as he kissed, nibbled and licked my skin. It tingled where his hands were at my thighs spreading me open for him. I loved the power of his touch and how he left me this exposed for him. I wanted him to take whatever he wanted from me. I wanted him to see me completely defenseless because there was some primal need for him to claim me as his, which was exactly what I was.

His mouth was so giving when he finally put it to my core. The softness of his tongue when he stroked over my painfully sensitive spot was hard to tolerate. His fingers inside of me kept moving and pushing me deeper into this dark pit of pleasure. I was trying to hold back like he told me to, but I lost control and my world exploded into light. I arched violently, losing the capability to know time and place. Every cell in my body screamed with raw pleasure and I gave into it all. Fisting my hands in his hair, I needed something to grip and hold on to or I would lose my mind. I'd climbed the mountain that Edward had built for me and when I jumped off the cliff, I had no comprehension of the world around me. Never in my life had I felt this intense and extraordinary pleasure.

Completely wrung out, I was aware that his mouth was once more traveling north and playing over my skin. He rolled down beside me, while letting his hand brush up and down the middle of my chest a few times, before slipping over my breast and circling the tip with his pointer finger.

I lay back sated, while thinking how he was always so generous, even in bed. Suddenly, I felt a pang of remorse that I never went out of my way to make him feel this good. He was everything to me. I wanted him to feel just as amazing as I did. Well, there was no better time than the present.

I glanced down. His sex was lying hard and unattended to against his stomach. My mouth started to water. He was so giving and selfless when it came to pleasing me. He always, well so far, made me feel beautiful and desired. He should feel that exact same way. Physically, I already knew that we were completely compatible. We were forging a chemistry that easily pushed me over the edge and we had barely scratched the surface. I knew in the future, that time and time again, he would let me unleash in this incredible way.

All that was on my mind as I clambered over him was the fact that he should feel as good as he made me feel. Holding his hands down against the sheets, I started kissing his neck, while taking my time letting the lightly salty flavor of his skin linger on my tongue. The taste of him was without precedence. Moving down his body slowly, his hands twisted into my hair. His breathing was growing labored.

"You don't have to," he forced out between his teeth.

I was nipping at the base of his bellybutton where a trail of soft hairs ran south when I raised my head a bit. "Have to?" I smirked, while having another sense of déjà vu. He smiled, clearly remembering an awkward conversation that we had the first time that we made love. It seemed to clear his mind that perhaps now it was the same for me as it was for him. I wanted this, I needed this and he should just lay back and enjoy it.

I moved less than an inch further down where I gently let my tongue run over the glistering head. The flavor was more salty, but almost honeyed. It was intoxicating. Slowly, I opened my mouth and took him in, going as deep as I could and sucked gently.

His answering moan was intense and all the muscles in his stomach clenched. "Fuck, Bella." He hissed, as I pressed my tongue against the rigid skin. "Slow, slow, slow," he mused repeatedly and his hands fisted in my hair. "Easy, baby, or this will end way too soon. It's not like I've been reading about mortgage rates for the past hour or so."

I pulled back a bit and smiled around him, but I didn't let go. Gently, he loosened his grip on my hair, stroked it and let me set my own rhythm. Nice and slow, just as he had done to me.

Though it had been years since I had tried this, it was like riding a bike. You never forgot. While sheathing my teeth and letting my tongue run up and down his length, I felt his blood rush just under the skin. I savored the feeling of his indescribably smooth and sensitive skin. I used my hand to stroke him, teasing him by taking him to the brink and letting him hang there hoping that I could be as successful in teasing him into a release that was just as powerful as mine. He deserved nothing less.

His hands left my hair, locking onto the headboard above his head. His hands tightened and the muscles in his arms went rigid as I continued to drive my mouth over him.

"You certainly know how to spoil, too. Jesus, you have a wicked mouth," he gritted. The sinews in his throat tensed with every inhale of air and relaxed with every exhale when he groaned sounding almost intoxicated.

I peeked up at him through my lashes, while enjoying that sensuous look of pure pleasure on his face. Slowly and languidly, I scraped my blunt fingernails up the soft inside of his thigh. To my pleasure, he released a slow moan from between his teeth. "Ah, that feels fucking fantastic." He praised and his face scrunched up. "Again."

On that second run of my nails, my tongue was doused with a small hint of salty moisture from him. What a powerful feeling knowing and hearing him enjoy what I could do.

His hands moved down again with his fingers caressing my jaw as he slowly pulled my mouth from him. I dragged the tip of my tongue over the ripped muscles of his abdomen tasting the perspiration. I kissed my way up his chest, while gently locking my teeth over the small, tight nipple. A content sound reverberated from deep within his chest.

With his fingers still under my chin, he guided my mouth to his. He sucked my lower lip gently and then he chuckled very lightly. "I can smell myself on you."

"Well, duh," I teased. As I parted his lips with my tongue, I kissed him deeply. My body was itching for so much more. His eyes were flaming with love and adoration. Then he brushed a finger over my lips and smiled warmly.

"Sorry to stop you, but I was hanging on by a thread." His finger stopped at the corner of my mouth only to trace it back to the other side. I brought the tip into my mouth and sucked it in teasingly. I even batted my lashes innocently at him. I never knew that a man could make me feel so sexy.

"I want to do that again."

Edward leaned in to kiss me, before dragging me down on the mattress. "Trust me, so do I." First, he linked our fingers together and then nudged my legs apart with his knees. "Just not now. Now, I want you."

He gazed into my eyes as he slowly brought us together with the same care that he had used massaging me. His body fit perfectly with mine as we started moving, thrusting and pushing. My eyes rolled back in my head from the immense pleasure.

It was like it was only us left in the world as we made love. It was only our bodies, our minds and our love that existed in these precious hours. Having Edward all to myself, I hadn't realized exactly how much I had missed being with him like this.

Hours passed and deep into the night, we were still making love. We stopped a few times, relaxed and talked before picking up again. I was amazed at how well our bodies merged and how fast time whirled by.

Over and over again, he told me how much he loved me, how precious I was to him and how much it meant to him that I loved him just as much as he loved me. I didn't hold back at all, but let all my feelings pour out from my body, while knowing that he picked up all the reverence and love that I wanted to show him. Tonight, this union that we created was everything to us. It was like our lives together really began now. It was our love forever.

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**Whew, I know for a fact that my beta was a bit sweaty when she made it this far. I hope you enjoyed it too. **

**One more chapter left and then the Epi. I am almost certain that's how it will be. **

**Let me hear what you think in the comments.**

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**Thank you so much for taking your time and I'll see you again for the last chapter… in a while. If you get bored, you can always check out what Emmett is up to in **_**Prima Nocte**_**. It may be required for the next chapter, that is all I'm going to say.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.**

**My beta deserves a big sloppy kiss for her help with this chapter, because it is a beast and she never complains. Dazzled eyes22 I owe you.**

**Thanks to those of you who commented or added me to your alerts. **

**This chapter will help you understand a certain blond if you have read Prima Nocte.**

**A/N**

**So like I warned you, this is the last chapter, only followed by an Epi at some point. So I hope you enjoy this.**

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**Chapter 31**

Perfect day. What describes the perfect day? Is it a day where everything is easy and untroubled or is it a day where we all learn the truth about what life really has to offer? I believe it is the latter and that the perfect day is a day where all cards are laid on the table and honesty is the most important thing.

The last thing that I remembered from before I fell asleep was Edward smiling softly as he gently washed me. The cloth had been warm against my slightly swollen privates. I wasn't hurt in any way, but I can't say that I didn't feel the consequences of taking Edward's body into mine repeatedly. Sure, women stretched to accommodate a man, but having been at it for hours would leave its mark. However, I lingered around the feeling of being absolutely content.

Edward's breathing was shallow and even. I ran my hands through his hair, threading the strands between my fingers. His head felt slightly heavy, as it lay on my naked chest. His arm was over my waist and his legs curled into mine as he was completely snuggled into my form.

His breathing changed and I could feel the smile on his face against the breast that he was resting on. He moved his hand from my waist and held up a hand with three fingers raised.

I knew what that meant.

"You're pretty proud of yourself, aren't you?" I teased.

He snickered. "Yup. I don't think that's happened to me, since I was like sixteen years old and found a new relationship with my right hand."

This time, it was me who giggled. "I am so happy to know that you find me as hot as your right hand." I started stroking his hair again. "Though, you do have very pretty hands."

"Yeah, well hands tend to have a mind of their own." Lazily, he put his palm down over my free breast. He was silent while he touched me and sculptured his fingers around the mound. God, I loved his hands. He laughed gently. "Pregnancy really does become you," he said quietly.

I huffed. "Don't worry. This newly acquired rack will deflate when this is all over." I was hardly unaware that it looked like I'd had a boob job, even Alice had pointed that out. "So enjoy it while you can."

He tilted his head up, while he squeezed my breast playfully. "This wasn't what I was referring to, though I don't have any complaints. I just enjoy having you all to myself and being able to watch your body change. It's fascinating."

"Trust me. It's more fascinating to watch than it is to feel it."

He frowned. "Are you feeling sick again?" His voice was filled with concern.

"Actually, no. I still feel fine. I was talking about later when I can't see my feet or I need a crane to turn over in bed. In addition, there's the swollen feet and fingers, three trips to the bathroom every night and the fact that this fat suit is pretty hard to take off."

Edward lifted his head and kissed his way along my collar bone. "I'm glad that you feel fine." He ran his nose along my jaw. "From my point of view, I can't wait to tie your shoelaces because your beautiful belly gets in the way." He placed a featherlight kiss just below my ear. "I'll make a note to wake up every night to help you turn over and arrange your pillows, so you can sleep well. I'll also rub your fingers and toes every time that you need it." The tip of his tongue slowly moved up the column of my throat and then he started placing small kisses. "I can't do much about the bathroom, but every time you delude yourself into thinking that you're fat, I'll remind you that you're simply excruciatingly beautiful. How's that for a deal?" he finished and hovered above me.

I couldn't help, but squirm against his body. My fingers were still locked in his hair. "All these promises make me kind of…" I trailed off when another wave of heat seared my cheeks.

"Kind of what?" Edward asked with a very bemused expression on his face.

"Horny," I whispered trying to hold back my mortification at my admission. His lips softly covered mine, while tantalizingly caressing mine while his tongue coaxed my lips apart. I groaned as he let me feel the head of erection prodding suggestively at me.

"Is that so?" Edward mused as he tilted his head to the other side and lavished another kiss on me from a different angle.

"Uh huh," I managed before I kissed him back. "You want to aim for four?"

"Uh, huh," he echoed into my mouth.

Taking him in again, I was surely reminded that I was teetering on the verge of overuse, but the thought was quickly forgotten when Edward started to move. He was thrusting gently as he watched me closely. My eyes rolled back into my head, as I was engulfed by all of this sensation.

My mind unfortunately wasn't so muddled that I couldn't hear Elizabeth starting to call 'Mommy' from the other room. After I ignored her for less than a minute, she changed tactics and called 'Daddy' instead. It was like she knew that he couldn't ignore her calls.

Edward smiled, while leaning down to suck in my bottom lip. "Let's save the rest for later."

I grumbled when Edward pulled out and left me feeling void. What a shame. I curled my legs up and rolled to my side looking out the doors at the ocean. I took a deep breath. This was heaven.

Edward quickly used the bathroom, before putting on some shorts and going in to pick up Elizabeth.

"Hey, sweetie. Did you sleep well? Did you have nice dreams?" His voice was animated coming from the other room. I listened closely, as I could hear him changing her diaper and getting her ready.

"Bella, honey, I was thinking that maybe we could go over to the other side and have breakfast with Alice and Jasper?"

Talk about a change of subject, from making love to seeing people that I loved. I smiled. This day was already far too good to be true.

"Sure. I'll get ready," I answered back and untangled myself from the sheets.

Elizabeth was on Edward's shoulder and dropping crumbs into his hair from the crackers that she was munching on. I had shoved them in her hand to hold her until breakfast at the Twongs could be served.

Today was less hot than the others, but that didn't mean the temperature was anywhere below the nineties. Below my feet, the sand was already burning when we cleared the jungle. It was only around nine in the morning. Jeez.

"Go ahead. I'll catch up," I said, as I changed course for Alice and Jasper's bungalow. Edward nodded and set down Elizabeth, who ran straight for the ocean.

I knocked, while watching Edward trying to hold a combative child away from the water. Elizabeth was adamant that now was the perfect time of a swim. I laughed gently.

"Yeah," someone called from inside. It sounded kind of muddled. Had I paid attention, I would have known that I shouldn't have walked in, but nevertheless, I did.

I opened the door smiling and feeling a little overwhelmed yet totally giddy with all these happy emotions rushing through me.

I froze.

I saw them, but they definitely did not see me… at first.

"Shit, Bella! Fuck! Get out!" I was pretty sure that it was Alice that spotted me because it was definitely her screeching at me. It was hard to tell with all that exposed skin on the bed.

"Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry," I barely managed to wheeze. I rushed out of their place as fast I possibly could, while losing my one flip-flop along the way. I swear that I was born with two left feet.

My heart thundered when I finally managed to close the door behind me. A dual scream of laughter sounded from inside.

"I'm so, so sorry," I called loudly through the door. I was horrified that I had blindly walked in on them. I had heard their soft noises at home more times than I could count, but witnessing it in the flesh, so to speak, wasn't anything that I ever expected. Jesus, all those soft, slender female limbs and breasts, as well as Alice's hair fanned over Jasper's thighs. Oh, dear. The image of Jasper's hands clutched around fistfuls of dark tresses, before she wildly started grasping for the sheets, was burned into my retinas.

Oh. My. God!

I ran to catch up with Edward, feeling flustered to say the least. I was at the verge of laughing hysterically, but I was oddly too stunned to figure how to get the sound out.

Edward frowned when he saw me. "What the hell happened to your shoe?"

I glanced down, now noticing the burning sensation of the sand. "It was a casualty."

"What?" He frowned.

"Nothing." I threw a quick glance behind me, knowing neither one of them would be following me just yet.

"Anyway. Aren't they coming?" Edward's eyes followed my line of sight and glanced toward Alice and Jasper's bungalow.

"One of them is," I muttered before I could stop myself. I screwed my eyes shut under Edward's befuddled scrutiny. He blinked at me. I bit down on my lip, while scrunching my face up. Edward laughed loudly.

"You just walked in on them, didn't you?"

"And then some," I whined.

Edward laced his arm over my shoulder. "Well, look at it the other way around. If they wanted to treat us to breakfast, they would have walked in on us. However, you are awfully cute when you blush like that."

"I may look cute, but I definitely feel mortified. I can't believe that I just did that."

It took me about fifteen minutes before I was even calm enough to even consider ordering breakfast. Elizabeth was already chewing on a pancake that the old toothless woman had whipped up for her along with some fruit.

I just decided on some yogurt, fruit and toast, when my appetite suddenly vanished. The sound of my flip-flop being dropped beside our table sounded like a hammer meeting concrete. I couldn't even look up. I couldn't bear it.

Suddenly, the sound of cutlery clinking against the plates of guests across the room became overwhelming loud. I barely managed a quick glance at Alice and Jasper as they sat down across the table looking anywhere, but at me. My face felt like it was burning when I blushed to my scalp.

"Hooookay," Edward drawled, while barely containing his amusement. "Come on, sweetie, I think Mom and your aunties might need a moment." He picked up Elizabeth and blew a giant raspberry on her tummy before they padded towards the kitchen. She was all giddy, while wiggling in his arms.

I pulled myself together and mustered up the courage to look at the woman who had been my best friend for ten years. I owed her that much.

Alice's face was as crimson as mine when our eyes met. I could see her swallow thickly. Jasper was picking at her napkin and tearing it to pieces.

It was Alice that had the balls to speak up, though not before she cleared her throat about four times. "Can we just agree that we're all beyond embarrassed and pretend that this little accident never happened?"

My breath trembled. "Absolutely, but I am so, so, so sorry." A hideous silence followed, so I just had to fill it. I couldn't bear the clacking of the knives and forks in the room anymore. "What accident?" I joked lamely.

Jasper started snickering uncontrollably, before she burst into a hysterical fit of laugher. It was a contagious sound and slowly Alice surrendered to her own giggles. My face split in two and tears started rolling from my eyes. I was basking in the relief that they, at least, could laugh it off. If they could, then so could I.

I dabbed my napkin under my eyes to control the waterworks. Edward must have sensed that now it was safe to return, as he touched me on the shoulder and sat down. He had ordered an abundance of food, more than enough for everyone.

When I was finished eating, I sloped back into my chair feeling full and content. Elizabeth had lost her patience and had found Mrs. Twong out at the reception area, so now Mrs. Twong was chatting her up in Thai.

The accident was shoved to the back of my mind and I was firmly determined to keep it there. "So when is Emmett arriving today?" I asked.

"Last time I spoke to him, he just said today, but didn't give a specific time," Jasper answered.

"Who do you think he is bringing?" I asked.

Alice snorted. "Probably a high-end escort, now that he is making money."

"Oh, sweetie. I don't think my brother wants or needs to pay for female company," Jasper countered, while placing a hand on her thigh. Oh, no!

"He could just bring a friend," I suggested, studiously ignoring images that wanted to pop around in my head.

"How about we make a bet?" Edward requested, while casting a glance around the table and noting the curious stare from all of us. He pushed his plate aside and leaned his elbows on the table. "I say that we bet on who he's bringing."

Jasper took the bait. Then again, she was the most competitive one of us. "What's the stake?

"I say a BBQ at our place tonight. Loser cooks."

"Awesome," Alice beamed. "I change my statement. I think that he is bringing some blond floozy from college. Someone that he hasn't had his wicked way with yet..." She held up a finger. "…And I stress yet."

"Very well. Jasper?" Edward prompted.

"He's my brother, so I should know, but I'm just clueless. A family member, perhaps?" She shrugged.

"That is a bit vague, but accepted. Bella?" Edward moved on, looking at me.

"Well, I'm going to side with Alice a bit, but I will say a college buddy." I took a sip of my tea. "What's your guess?"

"Well, based on my gut feeling, I say it's a girlfriend." Edward leaned back in his chair, while looking quite pleased with himself.

"Please," Alice snorted. "He does girls, but he doesn't befriend them."

I narrowed my eyes at Edward. "Do you know something that the rest of us don't?"

"I know nothing," he refused. "Though, you ladies better hope that I win because all I can manage is oatmeal and frying up some eggs."

I chuckled. "Yeah, and you burned the oatmeal."

"Yep, like I said, you better hope that I win." He paused. "Any of you have any plans for today?"

"I was planning to go for a run in about an hour," Jasper filled in.

Edward's eyes rested on me for a moment, before he looked back at Jasper. "Feel free to say no, but would you mind if I join you? I have been far too lazy for far too long now." Lazy? I must have missed that while I slept because he never really sat around and did nothing.

I waited for the tension to emanate from Jasper, but it didn't happen. "Actually no, boyfriend, but you better keep up because I don't wait for others when I run."

"You're on," Edward agreed.

Alice and I settled on the beach with Elizabeth in the warm morning sun, while Edward and Jasper headed for their run. Lounging in the gentle waves, while letting the water lap over our bodies was quite the antidote to the heat. It wasn't like the water was chilly enough to actually cool us down, but it still took the top of the burning sun. Elizabeth dug her shovel into the sand and slapped a puddle of mud on my belly. I was half way covered in sand.

"I was so surprised that Jasper accepted going running with Edward so easily. What a change in her. She didn't even flinch," I said. Elizabeth slapped another blob of sand on me.

"She never seizes to amaze me. She has come leaps and bounds over the last few weeks. That's my girl," Alice drawled and decided to help Elizabeth in dousing me with sand shifting it through her fingers, letting it drip on me. She was sitting cross legged with her huge sunglasses hanging off the tip her of her nose. "You seem to be feeling a lot better with the pregnancy."

"I am. I woke up yesterday and it was just gone. I don't know what happened, but I feel like I was just released from jail or something."

"That's nice," she acquiesced. Alice ran her tongue over her teeth. "Uhm, do we need to talk about what happened this morning?" she asked carefully. Immediately images of them naked popped up in my head. That would take some time to forget… if ever.

"No we don't. I'm really sorry that happened. I wasn't paying attention and it was stupid of me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Bella. It was an honest accident."

Honest mistake, my ass. It was just my life. I was born a klutz and would always be a klutz. My face felt like it was burning, but I chose not to comment. "Is Jasper okay with what happened?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She joked that she was surprised that it hadn't happened earlier."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I hear you all the time at home." I laughed nervously. "Though, it is a little like what Edward told me. If you had decided to treat us to breakfast, you would have walked in on us."

Alice smiled hugely behind her ridiculously large sunglasses. "So you have had sex with him four times now?" she teased.

"Make that about seven," I murmured, while feeling my blush intensify. How was that even possible?

"Wow, you have been busy." She nodded with a smirk.

"One could say that." I sat up and let the watery sand slide down my body. I washed it off in the gentle waves, but Elizabeth decided to get to work on my back instead. Alice seemed lost in thought for a moment.

"Sand, Mommy." She bent down, while digging up a small handful of sand and slapped it against my head and behind my ear.

"That's right. It's sand and it belongs on the beach not in Mommy's hair."

"Sand, Mommy," Elizabeth said again and smacked her shovel against my shoulder blade.

"Aw, Sweetie. That hurts. Don't hit Mommy with the shovel."

Elizabeth's jaw dropped, her eyes glassed over and she started to whine. She stuck her sand covered hand in her mouth suckling her fingers. That was bound to be a bit crunchy.

I grabbed her and settled her on my lap. "It's okay, sweetie. You like digging holes?" I asked, trying to distract her from her crying. It worked and she immediately held her head up with pride. "It's such a pretty shovel. Can you put some sand on Auntie Alice?" She scurried off my lap, while falling over onto Alice's legs. Alice caught her before Elizabeth plunged under the water. Alice's face was serious.

"Well, I was thinking about something, Bella. With another baby on the way, Edward and everything else that is happening between you two… The apartment isn't really big enough for all of us anymore."

My smile vanished. Ignorance really was bliss sometimes. I had refused to deal with this that problem for a few weeks now. "I know. I mean, Edward and I haven't talked about anything yet, but you're right. However, I can't imagine not living with Jasper and you anymore. I don't know if I'm ready to move on from that part of my life. You're both so important to me. I can't imagine not seeing you every day or having dinner with you."

Alice took my hand. "It's the same for us, Bella. We don't particularly want to give up Elizabeth or you. Besides, we really like Edward. He's a good guy and wonderful father. Though, I think we all need to grow up at some point."

"I know you're right. It's like watching a hurricane coming your way. You just know it's going to tear homes apart, no matter how much you don't want it to. You're right and there is no way that we can fit four adults and two kids into a two bedroom apartment." I paused. "I'll talk to Edward about finding our own place. We need to face reality. We are like an instant family. I guess that you can keep the place and have more space for yourselves when we move out."

Alice looked down somberly. "That's really very nice of you, Bella. I just don't know if that is plausible. Jasper is out of a job and who knows if what she starts up will be a success. I hope it will be, but we also need to plan with our eyes open and we might not be able to manage the rent. I think that we will need to find a smaller place when you move out. Perhaps, it was smarter if you kept the place and Jasper and I moved out."

"Are you sure, Alice? I would hate to see you go. However, I'm going to go with my gut and say that Edward is probably going to want something bigger than what we have now." I paused. "It suddenly feels like everything is coming to an end."

"Seriously Bella, is your glass half empty? It's not an ending, it's a beginning. You're having another baby." Alice patted my stomach very gently. "You have the man of your dreams eating from the palm of your hand. Your business is going doing great. Elizabeth is thriving." Alice beamed at her. "Aren't you, baby?" Alice cooed at her.

Elizabeth looked up confused with water running down her face. Then she squealed delighted and thrashed, splashing water everywhere. We couldn't help, but laugh at her antics.

"You like that, sweetie?" I cooed and splashed water back at her.

"I didn't mean to sound like I was complaining because I am so happy that it's hard to fit it in to my body sometimes. This is a new beginning for us all."

"It really is, honey," Alice agreed softly.

I jumped, when suddenly Edward fell to his knees beside me. "Jesus, mother of all things…" He tipped over, lading in the lapping waves. "Holy fucking Christ." Sweat was pouring from his face and down his torso. He was heaving for air, like he was being choked and was gagging.

I stared stunned at his collapsed form on the beach, as he was getting his shoes and shorts soaked.

"What the hell happened?" I asked. Before he could find the breath to answer, Jasper sat down beside us. Sure, she was breathing hard and sweating intensely, but she looked to be fine.

"Hey, gorgeous." She leaned over and kissed Alice's cheek. "Hey, baby cheeks." She trilled at Elizabeth patting her hair. She tilted a bottle of water to her mouth and washed most of it down. I stared at her for some kind of explanation. "I told him that I don't wait for anybody," she said smugly, while eyeing me.

"Fuck, did she run me into the ground. Literally!" Edward managed to choke out between pants.

"You should drink lots of water or you'll dehydrate," Jasper said.

Edward didn't answer just held his hand up into the air where Jasper placed a bottle. "I think that I'm going to die."

"I told you just to stop," Jasper shrugged.

"I'm not a quitter," Edward countered and sat up. Water and sand was dripping from his hair. Thirstily, he gulped the entire bottle of water, before falling backwards again and still fighting to get his breathing under control. His skin was completely flushed.

"Clearly, but I bet that you'll be paying for that tomorrow."

Edward lifted his head from the sand. "How much?"

"What?" Jasper narrowed her eyes at him.

"How much will you bet?" Edward cocked his brow.

"Oh jeez," Jasper spat. "You're worse than Emmett."

Edward laughed, putting his head back down. He reached out hooking his arm around Elizabeth's waist, pulling her to him. "Better get you out of the sun, little one." He nuzzled her neck. He peered over at me. "Has she had lunch?"

"Not yet."

He sprinkled a few kisses below her ear. "Let's go home, sweetie. Time to eat and then you can have a nap with Daddy." He widened his eyes at her at her. "Yeah, you like that. Napping with daddy. I'll tell you a secret. Daddy likes that too."

He leaned over and kissed me when I started to get up. "Stay, have some girl time. Emmett will probably be here soon."

He hefted Elizabeth under his arm, which made her squeal with delight as he trotted towards our side of the lagoon.

Emmett didn't make an appearance, but only sent a text to Jasper that they'd been delayed. Jasper changed back into her capris and long sleeved shirt after her run. I lounged around in the shade with Jasper and played cards for a few hours, while Alice worked.

I watched out for huge spiders and other creepy things, as I slipped through the spurge of jungle going back to our place. I spotted Edward from afar, sitting on the large tanning bed and shrouded by the shade of the canopy. He was moving his hand deliberately over the sketching pad resting against his raised knees.

The sand swallowed the sounds of my footsteps, as I stepped up behind my beautiful man. "Is Elizabeth still sleeping?" I asked.

Immediately, Edward threw his hand over the sketch and fumbled with the spine of the sketchpad to cover it up.

"Bella," he almost choked out. He cleared his throat and it looked like he actually flushed a bit… or perhaps, it was just the heat.

I was puzzled with his almost frantic gaze at me. "Are you hiding something?" I glanced at the sketch work that he nonchalantly cast aside.

"Uh… of course not." He wrapped one hand around my waist and pulled my face down to him. "Yeah, she's still sleeping," he said before he kissed me.

I glanced at his watch. "Long nap," I stated and bit my lip when he pulled back from the kiss. "What were you just sketching?"

"Nothing," he answered instantly and cleared his throat uncomfortably. Whatever it was it certainly wasn't _nothing._

"Edward Cullen, are you blushing?" He looked so cute and bashful. "Will you show me?" I asked, while feeling confused about his need for secrecy. He drew a deep breath and shook his head, looking adorably shy. Wow, Edward Cullen being all timid. That was a first. He looked delectable with those stunning green eyes seeming so bashful. "Edward, are you ashamed?" I teased and leaned down kissing him this time.

"Yeah," he nuzzled into my neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Are you trying to distract me?"

"Is it working?" He pulled his head back, while peering at me.

"Absolutely not. I'm more curious than ever."

"Fine." he sighed, reached over and let his elegant fingers search through a few pages of doodles and a lot of whatnots. "I was drawing you," he mumbled and held up the pad to me, but he averted his face from me shamefully.

I had very little time to ponder when I saw the sketch. My eyes widened shocked. "Edward, you pervert." I laughed.

"I know, baby." He fiddled with a few locks of my hair that were sticking to the side of my throat. I studied the sketch. He had drawn me many times I had learned, but certainly never like this. Never in this compromised position. I was naked, chest arching upward, legs spread wide, eyes closed and lips parted. It was all there from my face distorted with pleasure to my peaked breasts and the splay of hairs at the junction of my thighs. I was sure that he had elaborated and corrected flaws on my body because there was no way in hell that I could look that sensual in real life.

"Good thing the artist has full constitution of his work," I mumbled feeling the blush rise and color my cheeks.

"What do you mean?" Confusion crept into his eyes.

I held up the sketch and pointed to this new version of me. "We both know that I do not look like this." I snickered.

"You don't think this is how you look? I told you before that I draw what I see and this," he tapped his finger at the sketch, "is exactly what I saw last night when we made love. This is what you looked like when you were gasping my name." He smirked at me before tilting me backwards on the bed and clambered over me. I twined my fingers into his hair, gripping hard.

"You're delusional."

"So are you." He growled theatrically under his breath. "You have an awesome body that I am going to have a hard time staying away from." Long elegant fingers slowly started to pull at one of the strings tied at my neck. He pulled the fabric of my bikini top down from my breasts. His hand raked over the swell of flesh, then began rolling my nipple. I groaned, but tried to stay alert. I was already delirious and my head fogged with desire. He crawled down my body and kissed my stomach. "Can I make you look like you do in that sketch again?" He started skimming his fingers over the hem of my shorts, teasingly drawing his hands under the fabric. Heat started to gather down below.

"Yes," I purred.

There wasn't much more foreplay, but that erotic sketch and Edward leisurely dragging my shorts and panties off. "We'll have to be quick, baby. Elizabeth will wake soon."

"A quickie works for me." I arched my back and spread my legs. I didn't know where it came from, but I suddenly felt sexy as hell. Perhaps, it was all coming from how Edward was looking at me, being spread out for him again. My desire for him and him wanting me, made me feel empowered and worthy. He quickly got rid of his clothes and sank deliciously slow into me. The sensation was exquisite. It wasn't quick as Edward said, but slow and filled with love. This really was making love as he slowly pulled back and entered by body all over again.

As I lay lazily and naked, I watch Edward as he pulled a washcloth from the outside cabinet and drenched it under the showerhead. He came back to the bed looking down at me with soft and sated eyes. He leaned down skating his lips over mine, as he slowly and gently washed me.

"Why do you do that?" I managed to prop to my elbows.

"Do what?" He dropped the washcloth next to the tanning bed.

"Clean up your own mess, not that I mind."

His answering smile was stunning. "Learned by example, I guess."

My brows shot up in utter confusion. "What does that mean?"

He lay down beside me and slowly dragged his hand up my hip. He stretched his arm out and placed his head on it to make himself comfortable. "There's kind of a story behind it, if you want to hear it." I nodded, while rolling on my side and facing him. I nodded and immediately he continued with his story. "It was a shortly before I turned eighteen and just before my family died," Edward started quietly. "Tanya was having a sleepover with Elizabeth to cheer her up because she was feeling really sick. Elizabeth fell asleep just after dinner and Tanya snuck into my room. We had been dating for a while, but my parents didn't know. I think they knew that we sort of had a fling going, but not that we were already dating. Only Elizabeth knew that. I was really shy back then, but that night, I finally got the courage to… uh, move forward. I was nervous as hell because I was in love with her back then and didn't have a clue what I was doing. It was all so exciting and new. So that night was the evening that my dad decided to barge into my room without knocking. He wanted to borrow some of my music. So there we were, being teenagers kissing and… well, my dad was staring right at us. It was humiliating to say the least.

"Breakfast the next day was utterly quiet. I couldn't even look at my dad. Tanya had gone home before then. I could tell by my mom's looks that he had told her what happened. In the afternoon, he called me out to the garage and pulled out two beers and said that we were going to have a talk. It wasn't like he hadn't talked to me about sex before, but then it had been more general like always remember a condom and so on. He asked me about Tanya and what was going on. I told him the truth that we had been going out for a while and that I thought I was in love with her. I remember he smiled at that. My dad was always kind of romantic, I guess. He loved my mom. I mean, he seriously adored her and doted on her constantly. She was the love of his life and he never made her doubt it.

"He then asked if we were having sex or if I had had sex in general and I could only say no to that. I remember the whole thing was making me feel really uncomfortable, but he was asking me like a man, so I chose to take it and answer like a man. I respected him like that. We, or mainly he, had a long talk about treating a woman with the utmost respect, both in and out of the bedroom. When the talk was over, I was a bit overwhelmed by it, perhaps a bit mortified to be honest, but I understood what he was saying. It was not long after my eighteenth birthday that they died. That day in the garage just became like a lighthouse in the darkness to me. That conversation more than anything became a way of life to me. I wanted more than anything to show my father respect for who he was and what he taught me." Edward shrugged, "I guess that's why I do it. Clean up my own mess. To show respect, I guess."

"Thank you for telling me that," I said quietly. Edward smiled meekly, but said nothing. His eyes were dejected. "What are you thinking about?"

"You. I wish that they could have met you… my family," he murmured. His hand on my belly was large and warm.

Tears brimmed in my eyes. "I would have loved to have met them, Edward. Perhaps, I kind of feel like I have through you."

He hugged me hard almost desperately. "You are everything to me. Please don't ever leave me."

"Never," I whispered into the base of his throat. "I'm always here for you."

He pulled back slightly, while looking utterly overwhelmed, as moisture made his eyes glass over. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but he hesitated for a brief moment. He pulled in a shallow breath. "Marry me?"

My mouth fell open, and my brain malfunctioned.

He raked his teeth over his bottom lip. "Marry me?" He looked so insecure and vulnerable.

I didn't know what to say. I was too stunned to figure out how to get my answer out of my brain. I was gobsmacked, but in a good way. This was perhaps one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We had just made love and were basking in the post coital glow. We were naked, almost like we were innocent to the world. There was nothing, but honesty between us.

"Yes." I swallowed thickly, while my heart thundered in my chest. "More than anything. I want to marry you."

Burrowing his face in the hollow slope of my neck, Edward took a deep breath. His arms were tight around my body and I was clinging to him for dear life. "Thank you. I love you so much."

A few tears escaped the corners of my eye, the ones on my left soaking into Edward's hair.

"Anybody home?" A voice boomed from not too far away.

Shit.

Edward pulled back, while gazing at me. My world felt like it had just tilted on its axis. "We'll get back to this later… you ready to see Emmett?"

I wiped my tears, grinning like a goofy moron. I was getting married. Edward wanted to marry me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I wasn't sure if I was lying, but I was going to seize the day.

Edward quickly assessed the situation and reached down gathering my scattered clothes. In a blink of an eye, his magical question was pushed to the background.

Lying down, I quickly wrestled into my panties, shorts and top. I tried to pat my hair down, but remembered that I could just blame the humidity for my just fucked look. Edward only needed to fling on his shorts then he was decent again. He flipped the cover over the naughty sketch and picked up the washcloth… there, all nice and presentable again.

I sat up, hoping like hell that I was able to be inconspicuous about it. Emmett bounced up the stairs and my head was whirling with all that happened today and it was only early in the afternoon. The sex and the marriage proposal… Wait, did he just propose to me? I blanched. I think he just did. And I accepted.

"Hey, Bells." Emmett ripped me off the tanning bed and locked me into a bear hug. "Fuck, it's good to see you."

"You too, Emmett," I mumbled with my face squashed to his bare chest. He held me out at arm's length, while his gaze drifting south. "Well, hello?"

I gritted my teeth knowing that he was checking out my chest. "Don't you dare!" I practically snarled. The hormonal monster inside of me was tapping her foot and feeling quite insulted. He just ignored me, while chuckling. It suddenly dawned on me that I don't think that I ever saw Emmett without his shirt on. Yes, he was a mountain of a guy, but seriously muscular. He was just so… bulky.

"Nice digs that you got here, pretty boy," Emmett hollered over my head, while glancing around.

"Thank you, Emmett. It's good to have you here." Edward inconspicuously dumped the washcloth in the trashcan. "You want a beer?"

"Sure." He looked circumspect, when he chose a seat. "I think that I'll take the couch. I hope that I didn't interrupt anything," he said snidely. Oh no! For once in my life, my face drained of color instead of blushing. I just wished that I could be as nonchalant as Edward when he just shrugged and headed into the house.

"You saw, didn't you?" I squeaked.

"Not you, only Edward's pale and naked ass." Emmett laughed.

"Emmett. Please don't... say anything."

"Come on, Bells. I can have tact. I'm just glad to see that you're having some fun." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Shit! That didn't come out right. It's good to see that you're enjoying… crap that doesn't sound right either. Oh, fuck off! No matter what I say it just going to sound fucking wrong, but you know what I mean, Bella, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Emmett." I paused. "Where's your guest?"

"Napping. Where's my favorite redhead?"

"Napping." I chuckled.

Emmett sighed. "Listen, I need to talk to Edward."

"Talk to me about what?" Edward came back outside, while holding two beers and a club soda for me. Emmett took one of the bottles and twisted the lid. He took a big swig of it.

"Uhm. I haven't really been honest lately. I feel like shit about that, but here's the deal." He paused, while running his hand over his forehead. This was what I loved about Emmett - beating around the bush wasn't his style in any shape or form. Something golden got caught in the sun. I sat up, ramrod straight.

"What the hell is that on your hand, Em?" I practically spat.

"Oh shit," he muttered, taking his hand down and staring at the gold band for a second. What? He was wearing a freaking wedding ring? I felt like someone suddenly pulled the rug from under me for probably the third time today. "I was getting to that. Uhm… yeah, I don't think there is any way to ease into this. So I'm just…" he peered over at us anxiously and exhaled heavily. "I got married six weeks ago. That's why I haven't been around. It's the reason for a lot of shit." He looked down and then looked seriously at Edward. "It's Rose," he said solemnly.

Edward started choking on something.

My brain just shifted to default setting somewhere between… wait, what? He got married? It made no sense. Rose. I didn't know anyone named… Rose. Rose… Rosalie. Rosalie 'swimsuit edition' Hale. Edward's ex!

I blanched.

Emmett married Edward's ex?

I cast a glance at Edward. He was gaping totally stupefied.

"Say something… one of you… please," Emmett muttered, while flicking his fingers at the bottle.

Edward closed his mouth, but it fell open again mere seconds later.

I tried to reboot my brain. It didn't work.

"Jesus, no one died. I know it's a shock, but it's not like I said I moved the Great Wall of China." He leaned back on the sofa, while taking a long thirsty draw of his beer. "I'm just going to give you two a moment. It seems like you need it."

"How the hell did you marry Rose?" Edward scoffed when finally one of us managed to say something. Emmett smirked.

"It's pretty simple really."

Edward groaned. "I know the mechanics of it. How did you manage to marry her so fast? I mean, have you even thought this through? You can't just marry someone on a whim? Besides, did you even know her six weeks ago?"

Emmett frowned. "Okay, first of all you're starting to sound like my dad… please stop! Second of all, I know what I want. I saw what I wanted, so I went for it… all guns blazing."

"I'd say," Edward said under his breath.

I chewed my lip for a bit, wondering about his somewhat euphoric expression. "Are you happy Emmett?"

Slowly, he lowered the bottle from his mouth and stared at me. "Yeah, I'm all over the fucking moon," he answered earnestly.

"Then I'm happy for you. I'm really honestly happy for you," I offered.

"Thank you, Bella." Emmett's dimples popped out when he smiled.

"So I guess that she's the guest that you brought?" I prompted. He nodded vigorously and took the swig of his beer that he was aiming for earlier. I glanced at Edward mischievously. "I guess that means you were closest to figuring out whom he was bringing."

Edward smiled smugly, clearly relieved that he was off the hook from cooking or something else.

"Fill in the blanks, please," Emmett pressed.

"We bet on who you were bringing. The loser or losers cook tonight. We're having a BBQ," Edward said and then shook his head like he'd seen a mirage.

"What did you all say?" Emmett asked very intrigued.

"Well, Alice opted for a high-end escort or, I think, she used the word 'a floozy that you hadn't slept with yet'. Jasper said a family member. Edward went with a girlfriend and I said a college buddy."

"I just bet the Pixie would say that." Emmett's brows shot up. "Well, now that I'm here, it's only totally fair that I get to make the call about who wins. I say Jasper and Edward were right, and that Alice and you are firing up the grill."

"How so?"

"Well, Rose is a family member now and she's also sort of a girlfriend. However, she is definitely not a college buddy, or someone that I haven't banged yet." He smiled snidely.

I cringed. "Emmett!" I didn't need mental images of other people's sexcapades today. I'd had my fair share already. Unbidden images of legs and hair once more came to mind.

"Sorry." He laughed. "No pun intended."

"None taken," Edward murmured, while somewhat distracted. Oh, bring up Rosalie's past sexual encounters, why don't you? I shook my head trying to rid of self of the uncomfortable topic. How inappropriate. "You just married her… I mean just like that?"

"Are you going to ask that question all day?" Emmett snickered.

"Pretty much, yeah." Edward frowned. He looked completely dumbstruck for a moment, before he leaned over me with his '_I got a whopping big secret'_ smile plastered on his face. "Can I tell him?" Edward asked. His eyes were elated and radiating joy.

"Be my guest." I grinned like a fool.

I could feel Emmett's eyes boring at me. Edward swiftly took him out of his misery. "Speaking of marriage, Bella has recently agreed to marry me."

Beer went flying across the table, as Emmett spat it out. Edward was merciless and took no prisoners when he continued. "Now that we're all being so honest and just in case Jasper and Alice unintentionally jabber, there is something else that you should know." Edward paused and leaned over kissing my neck. Emmett's gaze didn't falter. "Bella's pregnant again."

Emmett smirked, casting a fleeting glance at my boobs. "So that's the reason."

Haughtily, I crossed my arms over my chest.

Then, Emmett suddenly dropped his beer and the bottle slowly rolled on the floor. His face fell. "Congratulations?" It sounded like he tested the word, but his eyes were strangely sad. It was unlike Emmett. "On both accounts."

"Thank you," I answered stiffly. This wasn't how I expected Emmett to react at all. I captured a strange exchange of looks between the boys. "What?"

Emmett suddenly looked tense and ignored me. "I need to be the one to tell her, Edward."

Edward's smile was indulgent. "Of course. I was going to tell her personally, before it gets out. She deserves to know."

"Yeah. She's going to be pretty pissed… and upset," Emmett said somberly.

"I know."

I held up my hands, halting their conversation. "What are we talking about?" Hello, why was everyone suddenly raining on my parade? I didn't understand a word of what was going on.

"Rose," they answered at the same time.

Emmett continued. "It's complicated, Bells, and personal, but whatever Rose says later on, she doesn't do it to be cruel. Just remember that."

"I haven't got a clue what you're prattling on about."

"I know and I would love to explain, but it's not just about me anymore, Bells. So for once in my life, I'm going to muzzle myself."

"Well, that's a first." I giggled, though my head was swimming from all the revelations. I needed a vacation from this vacation soon. Jeez.

My break was going upstairs to pick up Elizabeth, who had woken up from her nap. As I was finishing up something for her to eat, Emmet and Edward had built a bonfire not very far from the house and Alice and Jasper had arrived.

Elizabeth was huddled in with Emmett and was bouncing around on his lap. The timber was quietly crackling, while I sat back and watched it all. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into his embrace. My heart felt too big for my chest right now. How many new and overwhelming emotions could you fill into one heart, before it literally exploded? Was I really ready to marry him? It was a no brainer… Yes, without a doubt I was. We just needed to line up our ducks in a row and get the details of our lives sorted out.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Edward asked quietly.

"I was just thinking about us getting married."

"And…?" he prompted. His eyes were slightly wary, perhaps even prepared for a rebuke it seemed.

"I was thinking that we have a lot to figure out. Our life is quite a mess, Edward. Do you realize that?"

His brows shot up. "Not really. What's the problem?"

"Well, do you want the list?" I tried to joke.

"You have a list?" He asked incredulously.

"I do. A long one." I paused. "Where are we going to live? Are we going to move in together? Did you really mean it when you proposed it seemed like a spur of the moment thing? Are we ready to get married? What about Rose and Emmett? Does the press still think you and her are together? What are we going to do about the media? Are you going to tell the press about our next baby?" I paused, waiting for more questions to bubble up in my head.

"Wow, that was an impressive list. Let's take it from the top. Living arrangements. I actually took the liberty of starting the search for a condo in New York for us because we need it and realty is a solid investment. So yes, if I can have it my way, we are moving in together.

"Where the media is concerned, Jenks has been monitoring the situation and this morning, we decided to send out a press release, where I address some of the rumors floating around. At the moment, and I am sorry to say this because I know that you will hate it, you are mentioned in just about every gossip magazine. You are a novelty and somewhat of a mystery woman. Just promise me that you won't pay any attention to anything that you see or read. However, to control the situation the best I can, I am confirming that Rosalie and I broke up and that seems more than apt now that Emmett and Rose are, well, married. I am also officially confirming that I am Elizabeth's father. Lastly, I am asking for them to show respect to you as the mother of my child, but I am not going to comment on our relationship."

"Why not?" I asked almost feeling insulted. Was he embarrassed of me? Instantly, Edward proved just how much of a mind reader he was.

"It's not because I am in anyway ashamed, but if I deny it, they will hunt you down to get a glimpse of us together and I don't think that will go away anytime soon. If I confirm, they will still hunt you down to get a photo or anything that they can get their hands on. So for now, I am leaving that subject alone. I know that you need to get used to my world and I'll do my best to protect you as much as I can. You are so very important to me."

"I'll be tough."

"I know that you're tough, but the paparazzi can still be a terrifying obstacle as you saw the day that we left New York." He paused and his green gaze blazed at me. "As for my proposal, you remember the first time that I was at your place after I found out about Elizabeth?" I pushed back the cringe that was coming. How stupid I had been. I nodded. "Remember how I said that I would give the world to the Bella that I met on this exact beach? Well, sitting here with you, you are exactly that woman. I knew back then that I wanted a future with you and I know it more now than ever that I want to marry you."

"So I don't need to pinch myself awake?" His answering kiss was brief and oh so sweet. "I guess not. I love you beyond words, Edward Cullen, and I will be honored to be your wife."

His shy smile was positively breathtaking. "So you'll be Mrs. Cullen, huh?"

My eyes watered. "Yes."

He raked his hands through his hair. "Wow," he breathed, while peering warmly at me. He put his arms out and just as I was about to slip into his embrace, he tilted me down on the sand and peppered my face with playful kisses.

A loud peeling screech ripped along the beach. I peered up over Edward's shoulder to see a person with a cascade of blond hair come barreling towards us, just clearing the fringe of the jungle.

Oh dear, what now? I wasn't sure that I could deal with anything else today.

"Emmett," she yelled again, while coming at us full sprint. Slowly, he sat Elizabeth down beside him and stood up. His face was suddenly drawn with anticipation. "You son of a bitch, Emmett." Leaping like a graceful feral creature, she knocked right into Emmett taking him down with her. Impressive.

What was more impressive was that she was the epitome of beauty - graceful, curvaceous, elegant and absolutely stunning. I literally had to peel my eyes from her perfection as she lay over Emmett gasping for air. His large hands weaved into her hair, making her head seem so small and fragile.

"I know, Emmett," she gasped, sucking in another breath. "I fucking know, baby." The goddess panted. I was still struck in the absurdity of it all. Rosalie Hale literally came out of nowhere and I somehow knew she would be part of our lives. Well, she had married Emmett. Her eyes were positively glowing when she stared down at him. "Negative," she mouthed before her face split into a dazzling grin.

Jeez, even her teeth were perfect.

"Hell yeah, precious!" Emmett hollered. "That's what I've been saying all along. Why doesn't your stubborn ass ever listen to me? I told you it would be fucking negative."

"Jesus, Emmett," she sighed with relief and placed her forehead against his chest. He kissed her hair and hugged her closer, basically wrapping his big arms around her body twice.

"I love you, baby." It was so odd to see him be so affectionate with her. I'd never even seen a potential date, let alone seen him handling anyone besides a family member with actual love.

"I can't believe that it was fucking negative." She lifted her head. Seemingly, it was lost on her that there were other people present. She didn't acknowledge anyone, but Emmett.

"I told you… over and over again."

Alice snickered. "What? You were afraid that she was knocked up, too, bad ass?"

Rosalie's smile stiffened and she glanced over at Alice. Then her blue gaze moved to Jasper. It seemed like it took forever, but slowly that ice cold blue stare landed on me and stayed. Her eyes bored at me like she could etch my skin off my bones. I literally cowered from her intense glare. I didn't even know her.

Edward sighed loudly, so did Emmett.

"Too," Rose mouthed. Slowly, she crawled off Emmett, while keeping me visually pinned. Boy, did she intimidate me. Her lips flattened into a hard line. "You have got to be fucking kidding me, Edward," she seethed without taking her eyes off me. My skin prickled.

"Rose," Edward seemed at a loss for words… so did we all.

"Precious…" Emmett murmured softly, while putting his arm over her shoulder. Finally, her gaze shifted to Edward, blazing through him. "Hey, baby, eyes here." Emmett grasped her chin pulling her face to his. "Let's take a walk."

She nodded, suddenly looking so complacent.

I watched stupefied as they headed off down the beach.

Did a wrecking ball just hit us?

I looked over at Edward waiting for some kind of explanation because it all seemed to go right over my head. "I'll explain later, but I need to talk to Rose first, okay?"

"It's fine, but I would prefer someone to fill me in," I muttered.

"Later, I promise."

Jasper cleared her throat looking just as clueless as I felt. "That was quite an entrance," she murmured. "She was so nice when we met her back at our place." Jasper looked at Alice. I sympathized with Jasper because her brother had fallen in love and gotten married without her having an inkling of an idea.

Alice took Jasper hand and kissed the back of her palm. "Since the first time that I met her in L.A., I've known that she was quite a powerful woman. There's no doubt about that."

"By the way, it seems that we're cooking, Alice," I said, aiming for anything that would kill that uncomfortable feeling. Alice accepted that we started considering what we were cooking while Edward took Elizabeth for a swim. I need a moment to digest Rose and her intimidating entrance.

The mushrooms were bobbing up and down in the water filled sink. Alice picked one up and cut the dirty bit off the end and dumped it into the bowl. Mr. Twong had been so kind to bring over everything that we needed for the BBQ. We both looked out the kitchen window and saw Emmett coming back alone. He sat down next to Jasper, who was just out on the porch resting in the shade with a book of mine.

"Hey sis," he said, while sounding unusually gentle.

"Hi there, knucklehead," Jasper answered softly, while smiling. "Where's Rosalie?"

"She'll be back shortly. She just needed a moment alone to absorb a few things." Emmett sat down on the sofa next to Jasper.

"She did seem kind of upset. Is she okay?" Jasper asked, expressing her concern. She placed the book in her lap.

"Yeah," Emmett answered, as he looked at his bare feet. "Some things aren't easy for her, but she really tough."

"She must be to put up with you. I can't believe that stunt you pulled with her. Getting married on a dare. No wonder dad basically keeled over." She snickered.

"You know me. I can't resist a challenge." He cocked a brow at her. "You must be sweating like a damn pig in those clothes." Beside me, Alice stiffened and narrowed her eyes at Emmett. The small knife in her hand was ready to be cast aside.

"It's fine," Jasper said and suddenly averted her eyes away from Emmett. This wasn't the brave girl from this morning. She suddenly looked frail and uncomfortable again.

"Seriously, it's like a hundred degrees out here." Emmett made a point by dragging a hand across his forehead. "Why the hell don't you wear what Bella and Alice wears?"

I glanced down myself. The most comfortable things to wear in this heat were a bikini top and a pair of cotton shorts. Alice was practically identical to me, except for her miniskirt instead of shorts. We were barely clothed.

"Oh no, he doesn't," Alice grumbled and threw the small knife into the water. I clasped my hand over her arm when she was about to jog out to interfere between Emmett and Jasper.

"Give him a chance." I glanced at Jasper, who was biting away at her cheek and looking down at the long sleeved t-shirt and her thin yoga pants pushed up to her knees. Anyone would be frying in those clothes.

"I can't," Jasper answered quietly and looked nervously at her brother.

"Why not? It's not like you have eight legs. You used to love the beach and the sun when we were kids. Dad could never drag your ass home on summer nights."

"It's not the same anymore, Emmett."

"Sure it is. Well aside from the fact you're grown up and may require a top now." He grinned.

"No, it's not, Emmett," Jasper bit back. "I have… scars," she mouthed. Alice was tense as a bomb set to explode beside me.

"Again… you didn't give a shit about that when we were kids. You were kind of proud of those."

"Yeah well, back then I didn't look like I'd had too many dates with fillet knife," Jasper muttered and curled her hands into the sleeves of her shirt. She started fidgeting and looked anxious. Oh no.

"Oh, that," he mouthed. "I'm sure that it's not that bad." Emmett looked down at his sister compassionately.

"It's bad. I just can't."

"Okay, let me ask you another way then. Whose opinion matters the most to you?"

Jasper frowned, not truly understanding by the look on her face. "Alice. You know that."

"Yeah, but Alice gets to see your scars, right?" Emmett asked cocking a brow. Jasper nodded after a moment. "So what does she say about them?" I bit my lip, almost regretting giving Emmett the chance. He better not blow this.

"Nothing." Jasper smiled. "She says that I'm beautiful." Beside me, Alice relaxed a bit as she smiled.

"See. So if that is Alice's opinion, shouldn't that and what you think be all that matters? Look sis, you shouldn't be sitting here frying in your own fat and feeling uncomfortable because you worry about what people will think. If anyone else has shit to say about what you look like, they will have to deal with me."

"Emmett," Jasper groaned. "You're such a Neanderthal."

"I'm serious. You're with family. No one will say anything."

"I don't want to make people uncomfortable."

"Is that what it's mostly about? Making people uncomfortable?" Emmett asked and Jasper nodded. "Well, you are the only one who's uncomfortable because you are burning up in those clothes. Look, everyone has scars. Yours just happens to be on the outside. Now you know Bella won't say shit because she loves you and knows what you've been through. Edward is just too polite and quite frankly he's not going to care. If you're worried about Rose, then don't." Emmett's eyes were wide and earnest. That was a pretty nice speech and he was right. No one would bat a lash at her.

"How can I not feel insecure around her? She's like perfect," Jasper countered.

"No, she's not. She's got a lot of scars too, but hers just happen to be on the inside. It's not really any different. Anyway, you know what Rose said the first time that I showed her your picture?" Emmett paused and Jasper shrugged. "She said that you were pretty hot, so I say that defense about her being perfect is pretty thin."

"Emmett, are you making that story up as you go?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Nope."

"Then there you have it. Rose thinks you're hot…"

"It's true. I did say that," the blond goddess acquiesced when she suddenly emerged up on the porch. She flicked her hair over her shoulder, plopping down on Emmett's lap unceremoniously.

"See," Emmett gloated, while grasping his large hands around her waist. "So now please stop me from sounding like such a pussy and let me see how bad it is."

"It might make you nauseous." Jasper tried to joke and failed miserably. Her gaze flitted to Rose nervously. Emmett still looked as serious as a heart attack. Rosalie's face was simply curious, but friendly. Hmmm, perhaps she wasn't so bad after all.

"It might not," Emmett countered immediately and shrugged. Jasper slowly stood and pulled the yoga pants down her one thigh, revealing an overload of pale horizontal scars littered over her leg down to her knee. Looking at her face, she was practically biting a hole into her cheek. Emmett was quiet for a while and then raised his eyes to hers. "That's it?"

Jasper suddenly laughed loudly, while feeling relieved. She then pulled her pants up again. "No, but they all look like that."

"Now, you know how neither of us can turn down a dare," he winked at her mischievously, while lacing his fingers into Rosalie's. "I dare you to put on some lighter clothes and play a game of beach volley with Edward, Rose and me.

Jasper groaned, but a smile curled at her lips. "Fine, if it will get you off my back."

Alice and I finished preparing for dinner while Emmett and Edward rigged up a makeshift beach volleyball court. Elizabeth had once more escaped to her sandcastles under the porch. Jasper did take the dare and borrowed one of my bikinis and a pair of shorts. Holding her head high, she marched right out on the sand. Next thing you know, she was egging Emmett on by saying that he would be begging to forfeit the game at some point.

I think that I was perhaps as proud of her as Alice. What a comeback to life. That strong, confidant woman that she really was always was just beneath the surface. She had simply been lost for a while, but she was never gone.

From the perspective of the general human species', sure Jasper had scars running down her stomach, back, thighs and upper arms, but to be honest, she looked good, really good. Her frame was slender, but athletic and strong. I couldn't help, but be a little jealous of her stomach. She had a hint of a washboard. I never had that, nor would I ever after having two kids. Jasper and Alice must have been lying out in the sun at some point because Jasper was getting a very nice tan. Staring at her from a distance, the scars were actually the least noticeable part of her. She was goofing around with Edward and laughing at Emmett's antics. As they got the game going, she wasn't that frail girl anymore it wasn't who she was at all. No, she was the girl that could go toe to toe with the guys, by being faster, cunning and astoundingly precise hitting the ball. Emmett could attest to that, while biting the sand more than once.

Edward and Jasper kicked Rose and Emmett's asses.

Alice squealed in delight and threw her arms around Jasper after the game. "You are too awesome for words. Let's go swimming, baby." That was the last we saw of them, besides their heads bobbing up and down, kissing and hugging far out in the water. I completely avoided looking because I had more visual of those two than I ever needed.

Later in the early evening, Emmett being the man that he was insisted that he was the one who was going to tame the grill. Typical!

Edward fished two beers out of the fridge, kissed my temple headed out to the porch and sat down next to Rose. I was busing myself with marinating the meat, basically in order to avoid going out on the porch. Tension had been running between them since she arrived and she still hadn't even spoken to me. Rose hadn't bothered talking to Elizabeth either. Her hating me I could tolerate, but I wouldn't stand by if she was cold around Elizabeth. She didn't deserve that. I would be lying if I said her frosty glower didn't put a damper on my mood today. However, Emmett was clearly head over heels with her, so I didn't say anything.

"You know that I really want to hate you, Edward," she said, while taking the beer that Edward offered.

I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear this. I definitely knew eavesdropping was pretty much a low point, but how could I not? The kitchen was turning out to be a bit of a hot spot.

"I know," he consented. "Go ahead and hate me, but don't take it out on Bella. She doesn't deserve it."

"I can say that I'll try, but I can't promise anything. You know me." She shrugged and her eyes were cold. "So, she really is pregnant?"

"Yes. It was hardly planned, but I'm pretty stoked about it." He sighed, while staring down running his fingers over the rim of the bottle.

Rose blinked rapidly. "You know that hurts even more. You don't even have to try and still it lands so easily in you palm. It seems so unfair."

So, Elizabeth was the problem. I secretly fumed.

"Life is never really fair. It twists and turns and it will only be as good as you make it. You managed to spellbind Emmett, a, what I've been told, notorious womanizer and got him to marry you. I'd say that speaks for something. Only you could do that Rose."

"Yeah, he is really good to me." She leaned back, while gazing at Edward.

"And good for you," Edward prompted. "I think that it's safe to say that officially we have broken up now too?"

"Yeah." She snickered.

"Thanks for the rec, by the way?"

"What rec?"

"The score. Embry told me it was you who recommended me. Congratulations on getting the part."

She smiled meekly. "Thanks." Her face turned positively somber. "I really don't want to be so mad at you, but I don't know how not to be. You know how much I want what you have, and now you have it again and so fast."

I really tried to keep up, but they were talking in riddles. Perhaps, that was a sign that I shouldn't be listening in on their conversation.

"I understand how that looks to you. Rosalie, you never did tell me why you can't have kids," Edward asked cautiously.

Then the dime dropped. That was the crux of her animosity. I stared down over my belly. I had what she didn't and by the looks of it, never could. I had another baby growing inside of me.

"I only ever told Emmett that," she mouthed. "But roughly said, I had my ovaries removed when I was a teenager and then I developed cervical cancer from the HPV virus when I was only eighteen years old. I had my uterus destroyed by radiation as a course of treatment, so I would say my chances are pretty much slim to none of ever having kids." The tone of her voice was so dejected and it looked like tears pooled in her eyes when she gazed earnestly up at Edward. "I want kids, a whole football team of kids, but that's never ever going to happen."

"I'm so sorry, Rose." Edward placed his arm around her shoulder and hugged her. "Thank you for being honest." He paused. "I wish that you would have told me sooner, but it makes it easier to understand you, especially now."

Both lifted their gazed and I was caught staring right at them absorbed in their private conversation. My heart started pounding from her arctic glare.

"Enjoying the fucking show, Bella?" Rosalie spat coldly. Edward sighed.

"I'm so sorry," I wheezed, not really knowing if I was sorry for eavesdropping or sorry for her condition overall.

"Whatever, I don't need your goddamn sympathy."

"Rosalie, you promised to try," Edward reminded her.

She looked down, but I knew better than to expect any kind of apology from her and mine would fall on deaf ears. I bit my lip and continued with the food, hoping my heart rate would slow down before I passed out.

"Daddy, look." Elizabeth emerged from under the house having something dangling from her chubby little hand. All covered in sand and her hair matted from the salty ocean water, she walked over and held it out to Edward.

Oh, for craps sake! The words _'they hardly ever come into the house'_ rang in my head. Yeah, right!

"You caught a spider, sweetie."

She beamed.

Rosalie suddenly slipped off the couch and sat on her knees in front of Elizabeth. "Be careful with it, honey. You don't want to hurt it." Her voice was suddenly so warm and motherly. Oh, please do hurt it or at least, get it away from the house! "Can you hold out you hand like this?" she asked.

Elizabeth mirrored opening her little palm. "Like this." Rosalie slowly helped her guided the crawly spindly legs down on her palm where it was larger than Elizabeth's hand. I started to feel a bit faint. Rosalie, however, showed no aversion to it whatsoever.

Edward gaped.

"Let's put it back where it belongs?" Rosalie suggested and Elizabeth's face lit up like a Christmas light, absorbing every word that fell from her mouth. She was already taken with the blond goddess. Well, if Elizabeth liked her, I could shove my own irrational fear and resentment aside.

"Who knew that you were such an animal rights' activist?" Edward teased, suddenly finding his equilibrium.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him as she was about to get up.

"Jesus fucking Christ, get that fucking thing away from her," Emmett spat, while jumping to the porch, but looking about ready to bolt back to the grill. He held up the spatula ready to defend himself.

"Oh, come on bad boy. Don't tell me you're afraid of a little spider? Men!" She rolled her eyes starting to take Elizabeth, who was now cupping the spider in her hands, towards the jungle.

It was just a short interaction between the two of them, but it was pretty clear that she would be an amazing mom and that Rosalie Hale as a person would probably never really be my friend. There would always be this between us. I didn't mean that we couldn't try though.

"You okay?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, I'm just remembering what Emmett said about Rosalie. That she doesn't really mean what she says, though you could have fooled me."

"I think that we just need to give her some time. Just promise me that you won't walk on eggshells around her. Just say what you mean because I promise you that you will get the exact same from her. Most of her animosity is smoke and mirrors. Don't let her ruin anything or think that we don't deserve to be happy with everything that we have. "

"Okay. Time. Let's not think about it anymore today. Let's have something to eat and enjoy the rest of the night." With Edward's encouragement, I felt better. I wouldn't let her dull my shine.

Darkness fell as we ate and talked. My head was swimming with emotions, that were all battling to find a place inside of me. I was slightly overwhelmed, but in a good way. It was beguiling to feel so happy and content with how my life was shaped. I couldn't imagine anything better because for me, there was nothing better.

I was back where my life really started again after I lost my first love. I was back where I found a new way to live again and I had Edward to share that happiness with. For now, I couldn't ask for anything else.

After dinner, Emmett and Rose stayed at the house with Elizabeth. Jasper and Alice had gone back to their own bungalow to be alone. Once in a while, Rose offered me a tiny smile, but her million-dollar grin was always for Emmett. They had a weird chemistry, but as I was learning, it was a pretty hands-on kind of chemistry. Their kissing wasn't delicate pecks on the cheeks, but big wet smooches. Looking at her through one of my best friends eyes, I could see why Emmett was heads over heels with her. That was what mattered to me.

Edward and I walked to the small and intimate beach between the massive limestone cliffs. We lay on the sand watching the stars twinkling so far above our heads. The sand had started to cool and the eternal lapping of the waves was like white noise. "I know today had so many ups and downs, but to me, it has been pretty close to perfect," I murmured.

Edward laced his fingers into mine. His hand was so warm and loving. "To me, it was perfect. Everyone knows about the baby and you agreed to marry me. I don't think life gets any better than this."

"I don't think that it does." I paused, succumbing to gazing at the stars for a long moment. I turned my head back to his, while taking in that he was watching me intently. "I love you… forever, Edward."

"That's a long time, but hardly long enough. I love you too, Bella," he whispered and turned his head to gaze back up at the stars the same way I was. Everything in life was within grasp.

oooooOOOOooooo

**Well, that's it and that's all folks. I hope you liked it and I will be back with the Epilogue at some point. **

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	33. Epilogue

**I wrote this story, Stephenie Meyer created the characters. **

**Ever heard the saying better late than never? Well, I guess it applies here. This chapter was supposed to be posted months ago, but my writing schedule had other plans for me. I'm so sorry, but here is the irrevocably last chapter of Starting Over. It has been a trip over almost 1½ years, and I want to thank you all for adding me to your alerts and commenting.**

**Dazzled Eyes22, betaed most of this story, but not the first chapters. Just wanted to mention that, because they are not up to par with the work she does for me. However, I owe her a lot and the fact that I now complete this story.**

**Thaiger Lily pre-read and offered a boost of confidence as always. **

**I hope you enjoy, and please check out some of my other stories. **

oooooOOOOooooo

**Epilogue**

Rolling over in bed, I followed the soft call of Edward's loving voice. However, rolling was about as hard as shoving a boulder up a mountain. "Get some more sleep, sweetheart," he whispered.

"Thanks," I croaked, while trying to get more comfortable. Edward leaned down and placed a reverent kiss on my bloated stomach.

"Not much longer before we see each other." He rubbed his palm over my tortured skin. "You want me to get you anything?"

"I'm good. Just wish I could sleep," I groaned and stretched my aching back. I wasn't in any pain exactly, but the night had been unbelievably uncomfortable. My body felt like it had been infested by an alien dead set on mangling me until I cracked. Well, my body kind of had been taken over by an alien. I was pregnant… again.

"I know, baby. You've been tossing and turning all night." He paused, looking at me with astonishingly and soft green eyes. "Do you think you're having contractions?"

I sighed and shrugged. "No, I just think my body is over this whole pregnancy thing."

Edward sat up beside me. His warm and tender hand swept over my stomach, across my breast and stopped at my face. The pad of his thumb ran over by cheekbone. His gentle touch always told me that he loved and treasured me. Our physical connection often made words unnecessary.

"You don't want me to call the doctor? Just to check and see if everything is okay?" he asked. I thought for a moment, before I sighed again, losing a little hope this ordeal would be over soon.

"I don't think it's the real deal yet. It doesn't feel like contractions, just the fact that I'm thirty-nine weeks and four days pregnant. I'm sure I'm not meant to feel comfortable in any way," I snidely answered. "Besides, it's Christmas and I don't want to bother Dr. Gerandy if it's not necessary."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay. I'll make sure the girls have some breakfast. Get some sleep," he ordered, though his tone was playful. Edward even winked at me.

"Are you flirting with me?" I smirked.

"Always," he answered without a hint of shame. "Now sleep, gorgeous." He repeated using that firm, but teasing tone again.

"Yes, Sir," I mocked back. "Just kiss me before you go." Edward snickered.

"Always." The kiss was slow and tender and his lips were soft as they moved against mine.

Edward threw on some pajama pants, a shirt and closed the door silently behind him. I lay still for long moments, just gazing at the spectacular view. It was still dark outside, but the city lights illuminated snowflakes, as they drifted silently from the sky. Since we lived in the penthouse on the 33rd floor, we never closed the blinds. No one really had a chance in hell of seeing in. Though, we had a perfect view over New York.

Pulling my legs up, I was once again reminded about how heavily pregnant I was. My bladder was about to explode. Tipping my legs over the edge of the bed, I clumsily hauled my body from the mattress. I padded to the bathroom to relieve myself, hoping that today there would be a sign that I was going into labor. Perhaps, this would be the day I would see a trace of blood or something telling me that the baby was coming, but sadly no. I had to accept that everything was the same as yesterday.

My fingers were so swollen I could hardly bend them. I also hadn't been able to do an inventory of my feet for quite a while, but the way they felt, they had to look like a surgical glove that had been blown up. Edward told me every chance he got that I was beautiful and a spectacular sight. I didn't doubt the latter for a second. I was spectacularly huge.

Trotting back to the bed, I was relieved when I curled up into the warm sheets again. Minutes later, the door soundlessly slipped open and in came my girls.

"Hey, Mommy. Daddy said you were sleeping," Elizabeth said softly. Her curly hair was like a puffy cloud around her head.

"No such luck," I answered and smiled. I lifted the sheets and let them both climb in.

"Can I feel the baby, Mommy?" Esme asked and put her small hands to my belly before I could even answer. I dipped my nose into her hair, inhaling Esme's sweet and childish scent.

Things had changed a lot over the years. Elizabeth was seven years old now and Esme was five and both had a tendency to be a handful, but they filled our lives with so much joy every single day. The old apartment had been traded in for a luxury condo a few years ago. Now we had space, privacy and plenty of room for our family, which was direly needed. Jasper and Alice were still my roommates and even Emmett and Rose had joined us. Sure, we had roughlt ten thousand square feet in the heart of New York, but there were also people to fill it. Some days, this place was a madhouse, well, mostly depending on the kids. Elizabeth and Esme had the company of Emmett and Rosalie's kids at all times. On occasion, that was a recipe for disaster.

"Mommy, can we go swimming?" Esme asked, beaming up at me. I giggled when her fingers walked over the side of my belly.

"Yes. Please, Mom," Elizabeth chimed in. "Thomas and Taylor says that Uncle Emmett will take us," she continued, while innocently twirling a lock of bronze hair around her finger and batting her lashes.

"Did you ask Dad?" I countered. It wouldn't be the first time they got a no from Edward and then asked me, or vice versa.

"We didn't ask Dad," Esme blinked artlessly.

"Did you ask Uncle Emmett?" I raised a brow.

It wasn't the swimming trip that was a problem per say, more that together the four of them were creative at times to get what they wanted. "You can go ask Emmett and if he says it's okay, then you can go."

"Yay!" they squealed, while crawling eagerly from the bed and running from the room. "Remember Grandpa will be here later."

"We will," they called back in their high soprano voices, but they were already out the door.

Normally, I would go and play with them. As soon as this baby was born, I wanted to go back to being a full-time mom again. It was just that now I was a liability to those around me because I was so big.

Closing my eyes, the thoughts of the past kept flooding my mind. The years had been good to us. Edward hadn't quit acting completely, but had worked on two movies since we got back together. These were projects we both agreed upon, but he worked mostly as a composer and worked from home.

I still manage the bookstore, though lately Angela was running the show because of the new baby. The store was doing well, not that we needed the money because Edward still had a serious nest egg, even after dropping just short of twenty million dollars on the condo under my huge protests. The amount of money was nothing to him, but dizzying to me. Years down the road, my black AMEX still had a strange way of staring at me. I wasn't comfortable with it by a long shot. Though, I will sheepishly admit it has its perks.

The slim gold band around my right hand ring finger, correct that, the ring that is now secured on a necklace I wear at all times is proof that Edward kept his promise. Days before Esme was born, we got married. It had been nothing elaborate, just a quiet and simple ceremony held at home and dinner with the family. Alice was very perseverant and had made many protests, but I put my foot down. I wanted it to be low-key and nothing to fuss over and I got my way. Since I had already been down the road and had a big wedding before, I'd learned this time to do what was important to me and for Edward. He wanted it to be kept a secret, so the press wouldn't get wind of it. However, Alice was adamant that she should make my dress, so I picked my battles. We spent the evening locked away, either alone in our bedroom or soaking in the bath, just like we wanted to. It was simple and just for us.

Edward and I spent about four months of our honeymoon on Broken Beach as soon as Esme was old enough to travel that far. We still have Broken Beach, our secret haven where we go whenever we get the chance. That place is ours literally and figuratively. That beach and house belong in our hearts.

I picked up Edward's gray sweats, which were the only thing I had worn for days, because my body felt like I had been pulled through the wringer. The next thing was a t-shirt of Emmett's, which he had gracefully lent me the other night, because even Edward's shirt frayed at the seams now. I wasn't entirely convinced that I wasn't carrying twins.

I shuffled barefooted down the long hall, past the spanking new nursery that was just sitting ready and waiting, Esme and Elizabeth's rooms, one of the guest bedroom, a spare bathroom, the TV room and finally, to the kitchen. The apartment Edward had invested in was a monstrosity and I was still convinced that he had a brain hemorrhage when he bought this. He claimed he got a good deal, but I claimed he lost his sanity for a moment.

Moving closer to the open concept kitchen and living room, the voices got louder.

"I got to pick up Charlie at three. When are your parents coming, Jasper?" Edward asked.

I frowned. We were having a house full of people since it was Christmas and I wasn't going anywhere in my condition. So all the family we could gather was coming to see us this year, even my mother. We got along better now and she was so different with the grandkids than she ever was with me.

So, I admit, it was nice to have the space on days like these.

"I think they'll be here by two?" Jasper added. "They want to spend the day with the kids."

Grandparents and their grandkids I had learned had a very special bond. Jasper and Emmett's parents adored all the children in the house. Even though Elizabeth and Esme weren't biologically theirs, it made no difference to them. Besides, Edward had lost his parents so young, so they sort of filled places where people had been so tragically lost. I guess we all had our ways of honoring his family, and it was only logical that we named our second daughter after his mother.

"Ugh, that will give me the chance to pop out and get the last of the Christmas shopping done later." Rose beamed. "I promise myself that I will do it early every year, but my plan always seems to fail." I could detect the smile in her voice.

The beginning of my friendship with Rose had been a difficult one. I never disliked her, but she just didn't warm to me. It had gotten worse over the months after she and Emmett married. She hardly spoke to me and when she did, her tone was cold enough to make water freeze. However, her hostility came to an abrupt end and I never knew why, but as far as I knew having her almost lose everything, meaning Emmett, had made her stop and think. It took a while, but finally we were able to have a conversation and watch a movie together. When she insisted that I needed my nails done, I didn't protest because we were living under the same roof and I wanted get along with her.

"Morning everyone," I murmured.

Coming into the large room, Edward quickly conjured up a warm smile for me. "You should be in bed," he said softly. "I distinctively remember giving you that order." I didn't miss the heavily sardonic timber in his voice. I looked up, batted my lashes at him.

"You know I'm not really good at doing what I'm told," I teased.

"Yes, love, I learned that a while ago." He placed his arm over my shoulders. "You need the rest, though" I tilted my head back, knowing that Edward kissed my hair every time I did that. His lips were soft as ever as they graced the top of my head softly.

"I know, honey. I just feel so restless. I wish that you were right and that there was some reason to call Dr, Gerandy." I let out a heavy breath. "I just wish that it would happen already."

Edward cocked a brow at me, before he lowered his head and whispered in my ear. "Well, if you're that pumped up, I read somewhere that sex is the best way to induce labor. So if you want, I'd be more than willing to escort my beautiful and impatient wife back to the bedroom."

A blush crept into my cheeks.

Alice cleared her throat. "Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Who are you kidding, we all heard it, Alice," Rosalie chirped. "Now the question is, what are you going to do about it?" She looked at me with twinkle in her eye.

This time, I blushed to my scalp and was kind of happy that Emmett wasn't around. He would make a meal out of this, no doubt. I looked up at Edward, but he just seemed unfazed by it all.

Rosalie continued unabashedly. "If you want to know, I'd say hell yeah to his very kind offer, Bella."

"I'll keep that in mind," I countered, trying to sound sassy like Rosalie because she could always brush people off, but I was hopeless at it. Edward snickered.

"You do look like hell, Bella," Alice chose to comment much to my dismay. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just had a bad night and couldn't sleep because the baby keeps pretending I have no ribs. Besides that, my back is killing me," I complained.

Rose smiled indulgently. "You should listen to Edward, Bella. Those bags under your eyes need their own zip code by now." I made a face at her. "Crap, I didn't mean the sex this time, but the sleep part. Sorry." She shrugged. I tried to suppress my smile. "I think I'll join Emmett and the kids at the pool," she announced before she strode off to their section of the apartment, probably looking for her swimwear.

I pulled back from Edward, before going for the fridge and pulling out the orange juice. "So are you still making dinner tonight? If you need anything, I'll lend you a hand," I said to Jasper, who was sitting at the breakfast bar and tapping away at her computer.

"Yep. I'm on top of it and if not, I'm sure my lovely wife will pitch in." I didn't miss the brush off. Lately, I had almost been treated like I was handicapped. No one let me do anything.

"Bye, y'all," Rosalie called as she slammed the front door behind her minutes later.

I bit back my wince, as there was a sharp snap in the lower part of my stomach. Refocusing, I shook the carton, detecting that it was almost finished before emptying it. Closing the fridge, Edward was gaping at me. I widened my eyes at him waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. The room went silent for a moment then Alice cleared her throat, but it was Jasper that spoke up.

"Uh, Bella..."

"What?" I asked, turning to face Jasper.

Edward left his coffee cup at the counter, while his face looking strange and full of anticipation. "Uh, honey, did you pee your pants or would that be your water breaking?" He pointed down towards my legs.

Quickly, I peeked over my belly and cast a glance down my pants the best that I could manage. How could I have missed this? At the junction of my thighs, a vastly increasing dark spot spread on the fabric. Staring at it, I felt fluid trickling down my legs, before soaking into the fabric. Oh my god!

"That would be my water breaking," I mumbled, as I appeared hypnotized at the darkening pool that seemed to increase in speed and start to drip on the floor.

"Yay!" Alice beamed and scurried off her chair.

"Are you going to panic again?" I mouthed at her, bringing up a joke from when Elizabeth had been born. Then I looked up at Edward, whom seemed unusually pale. "Are you?"

"Uhm… er… I… uh, I hope not," he barely breathed. Esme was delivered by C-section because she had been breech. It had all been planned and the wait hadn't been like this. Edward hadn't been through the natural process before, but I had tried both. "So what happens now?"

I was strangely calm, going completely into practical mommy mode. "We wait for the contractions and then we'll have a baby," I answered lamely. "Alice, can you take Elizabeth and Esme if something happens before they come back and we're not here? Jasper, will you pick up Charlie instead of Edward?" I asked as I looked my husband. "I'm going to have a shower and finish packing for the hospital and _you_ get to call the doctor because apparently _you_ were right." I smiled before I looked down quickly. "Could you also get me a towel, so I won't leave this mess all over this place?"

He gaped at me. "That's it? Get you a towel?" he asked, appearing unconvinced. It was like he expected everyone to start jumping around and boiling water.

I studied him for a moment. "You expected me to start screaming and writhing in pain from the very beginning?" I teased.

"I think so." He suddenly laughed, seeing the absurdity of it all.

"Trust me, that part will come later. For now, could you get the towel, please?" I pointed down to the increasing puddle of fluid gathering on the floor and smiled sweetly. "Then you can do your I told you so dance," I threw in.

"Oh good, that one was just about a second away," he teased. He pulled me into a quick embrace. "This is fantastic, baby. I'm so excited."

Holding the towel to my crotch, I moved back through our bedroom and into the bathroom. Suddenly, I realized this was probably what had been going on all night. That was why I had been so uncomfortable. I was going into labor.

I left my sodden clothes in a pile at the door and turned the water on. I hit power on the small radio, before pumping up the volume of the music. I needed the noise to distract me a bit. Getting under the spray, the warm water washed down my body and I took a few moments to really let it settle in my mind and heart that the baby was coming. I smiled a little. This was it. Finally. Now, I just needed to wait for the contractions to start.

While running my fingers through my hair and getting the sods out, I started to feel pain mounting around my midsection, a tension running over my lower back. Okay, perhaps I didn't have to wait too long for the contractions to start. After I finished rinsing my hair, I was washing my body when a sudden pain took a turn for the worse and I had to brace my hands against the wall. It had a bit of a sting to it. I tried to breathe calmly and wait for it to subside.

This was kind of fast and intense.

I took a slow deep breath, so I could relax again. It didn't last long though. I barely finished rinsing off the soap when pain began to rip through my body. It never let up or allowed me to catch my breath. I tried to control the coming contractions by breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, but something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong!

Gnashing my teeth and attempting bite back the burning sensation, I crouched down while still supporting my weight against the wall. I didn't have a watch, but I was pretty sure there was a mere twenty seconds between the contractions. This was too fast. Everything was happening too fast. I stared at the water sliding down the drain, detecting the faint reddish color of blood. I sat for a moment waiting for a break and trying to gather my thoughts. Panic was the worst thing for me right now. I was probably delusional and reading all the signs wrong.

Reaching up to shut the water off so I could get out of the shower my body was suddenly ringing with pain. Okay, there was no doubt about it. These were contractions. The nasty and all consuming contractions I remembered from when I was in labor with Elizabeth were back with a vengeance. Sitting back, I screwed my eyes shut doing everything I could to breathe through them. One breath after another dragged in through my nose and wheezed out through my teeth. This hurt like a bitch. It could only have been minutes with intense contractions that took no mercy on me when the change came. Oh no! There was a violent pressure aiming downwards through my pelvis.

How long had I been in the shower? Five minutes, perhaps ten? I didn't know. My head was no longer clear and all I felt was the numbing pain. I had a clear understanding this was happening too fast. I settled on my back on the hard floor.

"Edward!" I called loudly. There was no answer. Another contraction encroached on my body, only intensifying the pressure on my backside.

"Edward, get down here! The baby is coming!" I tried to get up, but it was abundantly clear that I couldn't stand nor was I going anywhere. Between my legs, it felt like I was about to explode. This was so different from the first time. Back then, I had no clue what was happening or how fast and this time I had no doubt that the baby was minutes from being born. I could feel the head painfully making its way down.

Oh, why hadn't I listened to Edward when he wanted to call the doctor an hour ago?

"EDWARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was fruitless. I was in one corner of the apartment with the music running loudly. If he was still in the kitchen, there was no way on Earth he would hear me. What if he had gone down to the pool to tell the girls the baby was coming? "Edward," I sobbed, feeling lonelier than I ever had before. The searing pain, the pressure and the fruitless calling all added up to one thing - I was having this baby alone and right now.

The downward pressure intensified with each painstaking second and I could do nothing, but push. I couldn't hold it or revoke my scream that bellowed from my lungs and ricochet off the tiled walls.

Pushing with everything I had in me, I felt the baby move through my pelvis. The need to push let up for a moment. I panted and cried for Edward again. "Please, please hear me," I called weakly between sobs. I hauled in a long breath and screamed. "EDWARD!"

I was out of breath when the need to push returned seconds later. Once more, I knew the baby was moving down and getting closer. I paused, trying to catch my breath for a moment. My head felt like it was going to implode from the exertion.

With nothing to hold on to and just lying on the wet floor of the bathroom, I knew I had to stop wishing for Edward or someone to come to my rescue. No one would expect this to happen so damn fast. I needed to do this on my own and for some reason this felt instinctual, like my body knew exactly what to do.

I focused all my energy, clenched my teeth and growled like an animal with the next contraction and pushed, while feeling the insane and splitting sensation at my thighs. Hopefully, I didn't have too much longer to go.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Bella!"

That profanity was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. He could have read me the most beautiful poem or played the loveliest aria on his piano and it wouldn't hold a candle to his words right this second. "What the fuck is happening?"

To me, it was quite obvious. "The baby is coming a little fast." I took another breath, knowing I had only seconds before I needed to push again.

"You were in the kitchen ten minutes ago," he mumbled in total bewilderment. His eyes were wild and panicked as he gripped his hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…" he chanted. Then, he seemed to get with the program. In my foggy state of mind, I saw Edward rush to me, landing roughly on his knees between my legs. "Oh, Christ! Shit! Fuck! I can see the head, Bella. The head is almost out." He paused, hauling in a few deep breaths."There's hair. A lot of hair, sweetie." I felt him stroke my thigh, which was comforting.

"Is it red?" I asked of all things.

"No. It's brown… like yours." He looked up at me, then down again. The momentary break was over and the pressure returned. "I'm going to get a towel."

"There's no time," I growled through my teeth. I screamed with the feeling of flesh being ripped apart, but I kept pushing, following the pain in my body. It suddenly stopped.

"Don't give up, baby, just a little more," Edward suddenly prompted. "The shoulder is stuck." I glanced down at the blood and gore that was staining the floor. Edward's one hand was cradling the baby's tiny head while the other furiously tried to free the shoulder. I gathered some incomprehensible portion of strength and pushed with all that I had in me. I had no doubt when the shoulder slipped and the baby was free of me.

I struggled to sit up some, while staring dazed at Edward. He quickly grabbed Emmett's discarded and soaked t-shirt to swaddle the baby in. "It's a girl," he mouthed staring down at her awed. His pointer finger looked obscenely huge as he stroked her cheek. She was so tiny. Awkwardly, he tried to show her to me.

The small scrunched up face was still and her eyes were closed. "Make her cry, Edward." My voice trembled and fear shot through my veins. The room was too still, even with the blaring music. Why wasn't she crying? Was she breathing?

"How?"

"I don't know. Rub her skin, hold her upside down or smack her bottom. Something!" I was a hairsbreadth from getting hysterical.

He worked with lightning speed. He quickly unwrapped her again, while gently squeezing her arms and legs, rubbing her pink skin and making friction. I drew the sigh of my life, when her small chest expanded and a sharp scream filled the room.

"Alice! Jasper!" Edward called, as he pulled the shirt around our tiny girl again.

"What the hell is with all the screaming down here?" Alice's tone was light when she came in from the bedroom. A high shrill scream ripped from her when she clearly took in what just happened. "Holy shit! Jasper, call 911," she yelled instantly.

"And call Dr. Gerandy back and tell him he needs to come here instead of the hospital," Edward added.

Jasper was a second behind Alice going right for a phone and vanishing out of the room again. She spoke so fast that it was hard to pick up the muffled words from the bedroom.

"Get some towels, Alice," Edward said. Quickly she tore some out of the large closet handing them to Edward. Swiftly, he wrapped it around the baby, before handing her to me. Alice propped a towel under my head to alleviate the stress on my back and neck from the hard floor, before she placed one over my body.

I didn't care. I only cared that the baby was still screaming and had a pretty flushed pink color. While having the new baby in my arms, I felt emotions started to squash me with relief. We were all okay. I stroked my fingers over the matted almost black mass of hair. Her eyes were puffy and narrow slits. She had the sweetest chubby cheeks and bared gums as she screamed. I hushed her lightly, hoping she wasn't frightened. She looked nothing like Elizabeth or Esme.

Edward sat back on his haunches, before gripping his hair for a moment. "I can't believe I left you alone. I'm so sorry I wasn't there, honey."

"Don't be sorry, Edward, no one knew it would happen like this." I hoped to soothe his discomfort that was clear as day on his face. "We're all okay."

His eyes were elated and repentant at the same time. "What a rush. I don't think I ever had my adrenaline pump like this." We both took a deep cleansing breath. "Bella, you're bleeding," Edward said quietly looking down.

"I'm supposed to." Now there was only the charming and delicate business of the afterbirth to deal with. Alice quickly procured a lace and some scissors to cut the cord. A few minutes later, it basically popped out on its own landing on the floor.

Both Edward and I froze when we heard small feet running over the wooden floor in the bedroom. "Emmett, keep the kids out," I cried panic-stricken. The bathroom floor was covered blood, looking like a massacre. They should not see this.

Emmett popped his head in. After the way that his eyes widened in horror and his pallor plummeted, I wasn't sure if he was going to faint or not. "Fuck me. This is one thing I never wanted to see." Standing at his feet was Esme, but he luckily had his large hand covering her eyes. "Rose. Take her. I think I need to puke." I knew the other kids couldn't be far behind.

The last I heard was Emmett muttering something like, "fuck, I'm glad we adopted."

Jasper came back in, squatting down beside us. "I called Dr. Gerandy. He'll be here in five minutes." She looked at me with utter astonishment and admiration for a moment when she stroked my wet hair. "You know how to keep it interesting around here. Are you okay?"

I nodded, though I was sure it hadn't really dawned on me that I just gave birth at home and on the bathroom floor of all places. I cradled the baby closer in my arms.

Suddenly, there was a flurry of EMT's. Dr. Gerandy mixed in with a lot of questions and examinations. Reluctantly, I let go of the baby when I handed her over to Edward while the doctor made sure that everything was okay. I wasn't bleeding too heavily and to my amazement, I didn't even need a single stitch. As I slowly got to my feet, it was surreal that less than an hour ago I had gotten out of bed to use the bathroom and here I was having given birth. It merely felt like my muscles were a little sore from a run. It was all somewhat overwhelming as I once more turned on the shower to clean myself up.

We were alone in the bathroom now where it was eerily quiet and the music shut off. Edward sat on the closed toilet with the baby in is arms, his gaze kept wandering from me to the bundle in his arms and back to me.

"You are one astonishing woman," he murmured. His eyes were soft and adoring as his point of interest shifted once more. "You are so incredibly strong, Bella. I couldn't be more proud that you are the mother of my children. I can't believe we have three daughters now."

I tipped my head back and let the warm spray hit my face. "It is a little daunting and I will need time to get used to that." I smiled internally. "I think I need to go on the pill again." I smirked at him.

"Are you saying that three's enough?" he asked softly. His eyes were fixated on the newest member of our family. He stroked her cheek as she slept. He looked up at me and I shrugged.

"Well, we have two kids that were conceived by accident and one that was planned and let me remind you that the one you're holding now took forever make." It had taken two years to get pregnant again and it was only when we gave up the idea of having more kids that it happened.

Edward smirked and gave me a mischievous look. "I rather enjoyed that," he murmured.

I blushed at his comment. I've been with the same man for five years and he could still make me blush like a schoolgirl. I turned the water off and reached for the towel. "Me, Too. Though, I think it's safe to say that we hardly control what happens in the future. C'est la vie. At least until she can walk, I think we need to take precautions."

"Yeah," Edward sighed. Carefully, he exposed a little of the baby's head and ran his fingers over the silky hair. He looked up again. "Are we still status quo on names?" he asked. "Because I got nothing."

I made a wry face. "I'm still clueless. Maybe in a few days…" I bent down and dried my legs. We had no clue what to name her.

"Don't you need any help at all?" he looked at me with a wondrous look. "Aren't you sore? I saw this head coming out of you close up and trust me, it scared me."

I stopped drying off. "Are you okay, Edward?" I asked when I realized no one had shown him any concern. Sure, I had experienced the physical pain that I knew was inevitable, but Edward could hardly have expected to deliver his own daughter on the bathroom floor.

He lifted a hand and waved me off. "I have a strong stomach." Suddenly, his gaze was on me with the utmost sincerity. "I think it was kind of amazing that we made her and that we brought her into the world. It's sort of like coming full circle." He smiled warmly, before he stood. Balancing the baby on one arm, he opened the drawer and fished out a pair of comfy panties for me. In the cupboard just above, he procured one of the large and horribly unsexy pads hoarded for just this occasion. He handed me the necessities before I would basically need another shower. This was Edward in a nutshell, where most men dug in their heels and refused to acknowledge something as simple as their wife's period. He had basically no reservations at all. He once said it was all part of the package.

I tried to suppress my smile remembering the first time we made love after Esme had been born. I had been insecure about the jelly-like feeling of my stomach and the scar from my C-section. I felt awkward from the extra weight. Besides that, I was breastfeeding and just as things had been getting interesting, I had been leaking like an old broken faucet. I had wanted to run from the whole thing and hide in shame because I couldn't control the running milk, but Edward assured me that it didn't bother him and that he understood and once we were done, we would just have to change the sheets. I had been reluctant at first, but once I relaxed, I had given in everything turned out fine. Long story short, Edward was always able to make me feel comfortable, loved and cherished, no matter the situation.

"Time to meet your sisters," he whispered when he held the swathed bundle to his face and whispered to the sleeping baby. "They already love you so much, sweet chubby cheeks."

Back in a pair of clean sweats and a shirt, I felt human again. Edward laid her down on the bed where Elizabeth and Esme waited patiently and unusually quiet to see her. Carefully, Edward unwrapped her and the girls were beaming.

"She's so small, Daddy," Esme said and frowned. Then her face turned a little disappointed. "She's not much fun to play with."

"In a few months, pumpkin, she'll be more fun to play with," Edward answered.

I threw my wet hair into a bundle to get it off my back. I sat down on the bed carefully, just behind Esme. Elizabeth reached out her hand, but hesitated. "Can I touch her?"

"Of course you can, honey," I answered.

"She won't break?" Elizabeth asked with her hand hovering midair.

"I promise you that she won't. She's small, but tough. You can hold her hand or stroke her cheeks," I suggested. She nodded thoughtfully and took a few moments before she gently laid her hand on the baby's cheek. I watched as my oldest girl carefully familiarized herself with her small and newborn sister. When Esme had been born, Elizabeth had only been two years old and barely paid the new baby any more attention than she would an old toy. Now it was different, very different. She had the same look of wonder on her face that Edward had. Carefully, she leaned down and placed her head next to the new baby's. She suddenly seemed so big, though Elizabeth would always be my baby.

Edward pulled the phone out of his pocket and began quickly snatching a few pictures.

"Mom, I think it's the wrong baby," Esme said suddenly. She looked up at me with big worried eyes and I probably looked back just as shocked as she was.

"Why do you think that?" I asked, while feeling totally confused why she drew that conclusion.

She pointed to the baby. "Carlie's hair should be like Daddy's," she stated pointedly.

I blinked. "Carlie?" I mouthed and looked at Edward who seemed just as befuddled.

Esme nodded assertively, not a shred of doubt in her eyes. "That's her name. I made it up from Grandpa Charlie and dead Grandpa Carlisle. They look the same, Mommy. I can spell Charlie, Aunt Rosie teached me. "

"Taught," I amended instinctively, while my head was suddenly a bit fuzzy. Carlie? I looked to Edward again. His eyes were wide and incredulous. Both girls knew about Edward and what happened to his family more than a decade ago. Edward had made sure of it. His answer to the loss had been to reach the girls on their level by making scrapbooks with pictures and both girls knew who they were named after. So when it came to this child we were at wits' end what to call her.

"I like that name," Edward said after a while, breaking into my musings.

Carlie, I repeated in my head. "It's perfect," I whispered. I pushed back the sudden wave of emotion and a few tears. "Now why is it that you think Carlie is the wrong baby?"

Esme rolled her eyes. "Her hair is brown?" she stated it mostly like a question.

I smiled at her reasoning. It was exactly the logic of a five-year old. "What color are your eyes, Esme?" I asked.

"Brown."

"What color are Mommy's eyes?"

"Brown."

"What color are Daddy and Elizabeth's eyes?"

"Green," Esme answered without hesitation.

"Exactly! That's because both of you girls have gotten a little bit of both of us. That's also why Carlie has brown hair. She got that from me."

"You have pretty hair, Mommy."

"Why thank you, sweetheart," I murmured into her ear. Esme leaned back into my embrace. She frowned again.

"I miss your big belly, Mom."

I tried to suppress my giggle. I wasn't going to miss that at all. I was already feeling slightly relieved. It was easier to breathe and I would need to use the bathroom so much less now.

There was a knock on the door and Thomas or was it Taylor that poked his head in. It was hard to tell. Emmett and Rosie's twin boys were impossible to tell apart. "Dad gave us a new computer game. Let's play," he said enthusiastically.

Both girls bounced off the bed, while running for the door squealing excitedly. With a flick of the wrist, the house was back to its normal noisy state.

"You want to see the baby?" Edward asked.

Seeing the brown leather bracelet about the boy's arm, I knew it was Taylor who came into the room. It had been easier in the beginning when Emmett insisted that Thomas' hair was cut shorter to tell them apart. "Uhm, sure." He shrugged. Taylor walked over to the baby and took a quick glance, but it was clear that he wasn't really impressed. With that, the kids left the room.

"The novelty wears off fast," Edward murmured, while smiling softly at me. It wasn't quiet for long as Rosalie peeked in.

"I don't mean to disturb, but the boys were dying to get the girls to play. I also wanted to let you know that Alice left to get your dad from the airport, Bella. I'll keep the girls entertained for a while, if you want to catch a nap." Rosalie smiled softly. It was strange to think that once she would raise her hackles just at the sight of me. Now, she was soft and caring.

Thank you, Rose," I answered softly.

"I'll give you some space, but that little bundle is mine the first second I get the chance," she threatened playfully.

As typical Alice, she just took charge without encouragement and attended to details like my father left in an enormous city airport all by himself. Charlie preferred fishing and the peace and quiet of Forks opposed to the hassle of a major city. It unnerved him. Basically, our family and the extended parts all worked like a well-oiled machine.

Edward picked up Carlie, balanced her in his arms and sat back against the headboard of the bed. He patted between his legs, gesturing for me to join him and I did. We often sat like this when I was breastfeeding Esme. The physical connection of his bare chest to my back was indescribable. They were some of my most treasured times.

I pulled my shirt off, haphazardly unwound my girl and cradled her against my chest. That was when her instincts took over and her small mouth started bobbing over my chest. She was searching. With a little assistance, Carlie latched onto my breast and started suckling. I watched her for a moment and my heart was overflowing with emotions. I leaned my head back against Edward's shoulder. "What a day," I whispered.

"What a Christmas," Edward retorted. Gently, he started stroking my neck. "Now there's just the rest of the family to deal with today and I'm already exhausted."

Silently, we watched as the baby fed on the small amount colostrum that I had been producing for the past few weeks. Slipping further down the bed, we both closed our eyes, just for a moment.

"Mommy," a soft soprano voice whispered. "Mommy, Grandpa is here," Esme called a little louder.

Slowly, I peeled my eyes open. The baby was sleeping soundly nestled into the crook of my arm and Edward's cheek was squashed against my shoulder with his hand resting on Carlie's stomach. He blinked rapidly as he woke up.

Behind my two girls, who were now so big compared to their younger sister, there stood my father. His brown eyes were soft and his mouth was stretched into a warm smile.

"Hey, Dad," I murmured and tried to stretch.

"You're giving Edward a run for his money with all these girls. I just had one and that's hard enough to keep up with." He paused his unusually wordy greeting. "Congratulations, honey. You too, Edward," Charlie said warmly.

I looked to Esme, who snuck her hand into her grandfather's. "Sweetheart, why don't you tell Grandpa her name?" I asked proudly. That was enough encouragement to set off a flood of explanations from our middle child. Elizabeth stood to the side.

"Can I hold her, Mommy? I promise I'll be careful," she said sweetly.

"I know you will, darling, and of course you can hold her." Edward sat up, while picking up the sleeping child.

"Come sit with me." Edward and Elizabeth's soft murmurs were amongst my favorite sounds in the world. Patiently, he explained how to support her head and why it was important.

"Dad, can you give us a second? I just need to get dressed." I clutched the sheets to my chest, as I was still naked down to my waist. Making a quick trip to the bathroom, I was still amazed that I wasn't terribly sore, as I quickly got ready. I tamed my hair the best I could and put on some clean clothes once I was back in the bedroom.

Together, we all went into the living room where voices were many and filled with warmth and laughter.

"Mommy, do we get one present today? Pleeeeaaaase," Esme whined.

"No, that's tomorrow, baby," Edward answered.

The room was decorated with silver and gold trinkets, a giant tree and other Christmassy knickknacks. Alice had, as usual, gone all out. The table was set, while the delicious smell of food slowly wafted throughout the room.

Standing here, I was amazed how much my life had changed after losing my first love. I had almost given up on life for a while. I certainly never expected to ever find a family as big as the one I had now. Their beautiful faces, how everyone always smiled, had twinkles in their eyes and their voices were filled with happiness when they spoke.

Without Edward, I would probably never have fully found a way back to life, certainly not one as full as this. This was my life now.

"I love you, baby," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too," I answered, feeling tears brim in my eyes.

He winked at me, while placing a soft chaste kiss on my mouth. "I know you do." He hefted each of the girls under his arms and made them squeal with childish joy. I looked down at the infant in my arms. She was still sleeping soundly. Perhaps we wouldn't stop at three.

oooooOOOOooooo

**If you have a final say to this story, please hit the review button. **

**Take care all of you out there.**

**Xoxo**

**Nelly**


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